


I Live My Life For You

by BohemianGryffindor06



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Background Veronica and Chrissie, But who doesn't love Frian and Dealor?!, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Full-Blown Dealor, Hint of Brian May/Freddie Mercury, Hint of Frian, Includes Other Halves, LOVE and FEELINGS, M/M, Okay more than a hint now, Please Read and Review so I know what people like or dislike, Starts with some angst but gets better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-16 18:10:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 174,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18696664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BohemianGryffindor06/pseuds/BohemianGryffindor06
Summary: The band are in the middle of recording A Night at The Opera and Roger is up to his usual tricks. John's used to the one night stands with women. What he's not used to is the feeling in the pit of his stomach. There was no way he was jealous because of any sort of feelings he might have had for Roger...was there?





	1. Good Company

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a Queen fan-fic. Hopefully it doesn't show. I started this story as a one-shot, but I enjoyed writing this so much that I wrote down more chapters. Hopefully you'll all like it so much that you'll want to read the others. Enjoy! :)

John could see the sun setting through the small studio window. They’d been in here all day, writing and recording. Not that he minded. He loved making new music, and loved doing it with the band. Not this evening though. Emotions had been running high for most of the day, which had been spent getting to grips with one of Brian’s songs for the album _, The Prophet’s Song_. It was one of the longest songs, and the vocals had been strenuous. Yet Brian still insisted on doing another take.

Roger blew out a long breath and slumped his shoulders as he prepared to play again.

“Why don’t we come back to it tomorrow after we’ve all had a decent night’s sleep?” John said over Brian and Freddie’s raised voices.

“Most sensible thing anybody’s said all day.” Roger said in agreement.

Brian sighed, but nodded in defeat. “Yeah…yeah, alright then.”

“You’re probably right dear,” Freddie agreed with a yawn. “Early night and a clear head is what we could all do with.”

“No takers on a trip into town then?” Roger said hopefully from the back of the studio.

There was a unison of groans, and Roger rolled his eyes in response. He took that as a no. God, he hadn’t gone out in ages. None of them had. They’d spent virtually night and day working on this album for nearly two weeks. Which would have been fine, except it didn’t feel like they were much closer to finishing it. And Roger was finding himself desperate for a proper drink, surrounded by a circle of adoring women preferably. As good as the band usually were for company—when they weren’t bickering—it had been a while since he’d had _proper_ company. By a while, he meant three to four weeks, but still. That was a long time for him.

“Oh come on. Just for one drink.”

“Sounds great. Except we all know it’s never just _one drink_ with you, is it Roger?” Brian replied with a raised brow.

“He’s got a point, darling.” Freddie smiled as he watched Brian set aside his guitar on the stand. “Besides, you know Brian will have us murdered if we’re not up bright and early to complete this song of his.”

Brian murmured an agreement.

“Even more reason for you lot to come with me. Make sure I’m tucked up in bed before midnight.”

“Before your carriage turns back into a pumpkin?” Brian said jokingly.

“Something like that,” Roger smirked. It was more likely to be so that he didn’t end up in some woman’s bed and had to be dragged back late for recording tomorrow by Jim, or even worst, Paul. Not that Roger cared if he got a bollocking off of that idiot.

“More like to make sure he behaves himself.” Freddie snickered.

Roger pretended to look hurt. “That coming from you Fred?”

“Roger darling, I thought you were supposed to be trying to _convince_ us to go out?”

“Oh yeah,” Roger said with a smile. “Well that’s why we need Brian and John there. To make sure _we_ can’t get up to too much mischief.”

“ _I_ haven’t even said I’ll come yet.” Brian pointed out as he folded his arms across his chest and watched them by the side of the studio. “Neither has Deaky.”

“Yeah but we all know Deaky can’t resist a good party, isn’t that—”

John was sat to the side of the room, strumming softly on his guitar. He seemed to realise the room had gone quiet, as he looked up suddenly and stopped. He looked mildly embarrassed. “Sorry. What did I miss?”

“Oh just Roger trying to convince us all to go out again.” Freddie shrugged.

“ _Again_.” John said with a smile. It was about the third time this week. Trouble was, they were in the middle of nowhere, and they’d all been too shattered from being in the studio all day. And they all knew that _one drink_ meant very different things to Roger.

“Come on Deaky,” Roger groaned. “It can be a band outing. We can even discuss the album over a drink if it makes you feel better for going out on the lash.”

“We are not going out on the _lash_.” Brian ground out.

“I didn’t even mean it like that.”

“Sure.” Brian said unconvinced.

“Oh come on. We haven’t been out in ages.”

“For good reason. We’ve all had to focus on this album.” Brian reminded him calmly.

“I know, I know. But I think it would be good for us to unwind a little. Hey, maybe we’ll even feel more inspired come tomorrow morning.” He tried.

“No need to guess why _you_ might feel more inspired.” Freddie sniped jokingly with a smirk.

John frowned at that, turning to set aside his guitar too.

“No, best behaviour tonight, I promise.” Roger insisted, mistaking John’s frown for judgement.

“Look fine,” Brian sighed, finally giving in. “But only to make sure you really are on your best behaviour.”

Roger grinned, tasting victory.  “Scouts honour.”

Freddie snickered. “Sure. Okay, I’m in too. I could do with a drink actually.” Then he looked at John. “Deaky dear, what about you?”

By the time he looked up, they were all staring. It was like being in college again. He couldn’t be the only one to say no, and yet, he knew how the evening would play out. Brian would leave first or at least, he usually did. Freddie would be off somewhere, flirting and dancing, and Roger…he’d probably be underneath some blonde who’d looked his way. Not that he was jealous. It just meant that it usually left him at the bar, until some drunk girl took pity on him, and he’d practically run the other way. He wasn’t very good at chatting with women, even when they made it easy.

But still he found himself nodding. “Go on then.”

Roger gave a celebratory whoop, instantly setting down his drumsticks and meeting them all in the middle of the room. He then seemed to realise something. “Ah. Anyone willing to remain the sober party for the evening?”

The group realised what he meant instantly.

“Of course. I assume you’re not offering your services as driver?” Brian stated bitterly.

“Well it’s either that or we ask Paul to drive us. I’m sure he’d love that.” Roger said. Every time that Roger tried to convince the others to come out, Paul had been there to spoil the fun. That’s why he’d grabbed his chance today. The last thing he wanted was to ask him to drive.

“You never know dear. Maybe we could convince him to come out.” Freddie suggested. Roger was groaning before he’d even finished the sentence.

John sighed. “I’ll drive, I don’t mind.”

He did mind a bit. Knowing how this evening was going to go, it would have been easier with a few drinks. But it was either that or have Roger sulking because Paul had come along. Don’t get him wrong, John wasn’t Paul’s biggest fan either. Roger just made it that much more obvious.

“Don’t be silly Deaks, we’ll ask Paul.” Brian insisted quickly.

“Yes, and if that doesn’t work, I’m sure Miami wouldn’t mind driving us.” Freddie smiled. “We can’t have you not being able to join in the fun.”

John shrugged. He’d offered now, and at least he could be sober enough to make sure things didn’t get too wild. Roger said himself that Brian and John were the more sensible ones. “No honestly, it’s fine.”

“Are you sure Deaks?” Roger asked softly, looking at him guiltily.

Something in his expression made John drop his eyes, laughing it off. “Yes, I don’t _mind_. Anyway, hadn’t we’d better get going? Before Paul catches us sneaking out that is…”

“The man makes a good point.” Roger said with a grin as he grabbed his jacket.

They decided to go to _The Moon Club_ in Cardiff. It was about forty minutes away, and was the best choice they had. Plus, bands regularly played there, so they could take notes on anything they liked. That was Roger’s excuse anyway. Anything to make it seem like they had a good excuse for being there.

Roger headed for the bar, ordering a round of beers. He thought it was only fair to get the first round in, given it was his idea to go out.

The rest of them had grabbed a table at the back, watching the band. They all looked about the same age. There was a guy on drums, a guy on bass and guitar, and a female lead singer. Brian made a face, impressed. They weren’t half bad. The woman had the best voice, it was quite gravelly.

Roger was back with the drinks. He put down the tray onto the table, set his jacket on top of the empty stool, and took a seat besides John. “What did I miss?”

John bit his lip as Roger’s hand brushed his whilst they reached for their pints.

“Oh, not much dear,” Freddie replied, reaching for his pint too. “I have to say, they almost put us to shame.”

Roger knew what he meant. The band were wearing tight clothing, almost worst than some of the outfits Freddie made them wear. The women at the front of the band was wearing a lowcut black dress which left little to the imagination. She was quite good looking too. She had shoulder length strawberry blonde hair and dark eyes. She wore thick eyeliner and bright red lipstick.

“We can’t have that Fred.” Brian said with a smirk, knowing Freddie would see that as a bad thing. Freddie was never one to be outdone. Even by the band at times.

The band were finished just before ten. Roger convinced the rest of them to stay a little longer, just for a couple more drinks.

“So much for one drink.” Brian snorted as Roger headed back to the bar. As it was his suggestion to stay longer, Roger had offered to get another round in.

“Oh live a little Brian,” Freddie whined. “Besides it’s barely ten in the evening. We can afford to have a few more drinks.”

Brian raised his eyebrow at the word _a few_ , but said nothing. John was too busy looking over at the bar. The pint he’d had had gone to his head a bit. Roger was stood next to the woman in the band. They both had a shot of something in their hands. He read Rogers lips as he said _cheers_ , tapping the glasses together, before they downed them in one. They laughed after they both pulled a face, and then Roger ordered more drinks.

John looked away, downing the rest of his pint.

“I see it didn’t take Roger long.” Brian said, his eyes staring behind John’s head as he too drank the rest of his beer.

“Are we really surprised dear?” Freddie said with an eye roll. “Especially as it’s been…how long exactly since his last conquest?”

 _Three weeks_ , John thought bitterly.

“Too long for Roger. So much for best behaviour.” Brian said with a small smile. Then he put his glass back onto the table, ducking his head quickly. “Act natural. They’re coming back over.”

“Ooh _they_?” Freddie smirked.

“Shh!” Brian hissed, resting his elbow on top of his knee. Freddie was staring intently at his fingernails as he fiddled with them.

John snorted. If it wasn’t for the feeling in the pit of his stomach, he might have laughed. “Very natural.”

Brian shot him a look, before looking over John’s head quickly. “Oh…thanks for the drinks, Rog.”

“Yes, thanks dear.”

“That’s alright, Brian, Freddie,” came Roger’s chirpy reply from next to John as he set the tray of fresh drinks down on the table. “Err guys, this is Patricia, from the band who played tonight.”

“It’s _Pattie_ ,” said a silvery voice from behind him.

“Oh…yeah, that’s right.” Roger smiled as he passed round the drinks. “I’ll go and grab another stool.”

John begrudgingly moved up so that Roger could put down the other stool, then took a sip of his orange juice. The guys had talked him into having one drink, but he wouldn’t risk having anymore. Although, he could do with another one at the moment, if he was being honest.

“It was a great gig tonight, Pattie.” Brian said amicably.

“Thanks Brian,” Pattie replied, reaching out to grab her pint of beer too. “Roger was just telling me more about your band.”

“Oh he was, was he dear? We’re not too bad either, you know.” Freddie said in a teasing sort of way.

“I know. Of course I know who you all are.” She looked around the table with a smile.

John fought not to roll his eyes. Roger seemed to have a thing for the more _eager_ types. Brian and Freddie both seemed to glow at that.

“Roger was telling me that you’re in the middle of writing an album too.”

“That’s right darling. You two seemed to have managed quite the chat, in amongst all that flirting at the bar.” Freddie smirked.

“What can I say? He’s quite the talker.” Pattie practically cooed in response.

 _Isn’t he just_? John thought bitterly. He looked round to see Pattie smiling at Roger, her hand on his thigh. John swallowed heavily, setting down his glass a little too hard. Brian shot him a look.

“So how long have you and the band been together?” Roger asked as he reached for his packet of cigarettes from his jacket pocket.

“Did you not get around to asking that whilst you were at the bar Roger, dear?” Freddie teased as he took the cigarette Roger offered him. They often shared each other’s cigarettes on a night out.

“Funnily enough, no.” Roger replied bitingly, letting Pattie take one too. John shook his head, barely looking at Roger as he did. Roger frowned, wondering what was wrong with him. Roger looked round suddenly, finding all three of them staring at him. “What was that?”

“Honestly Roger, wake up dear. It was your idea to come out in the first place.” Freddie said with a roll of his eyes.

Roger pretended to smile as he lit his cigarette. “I know sorry, what did I miss?”

“Pattie was just saying about the band. They’ve been together a few years and they met in college as well.” Brian explained.

“Oh nice,” Roger said, taking a deep inhale of his cigarette. His breath hitched as Pattie’s hand squeezed his thigh. He’d almost forgotten her hand was there.

“Yeah, I mean we’re not doing as well as you guys, but there are talks of an album.” She smiled as her hand burned into the fabric of Roger’s trousers. He wondered half-heartedly if she was doing that on purpose. She was talking so calmly, as if she could have been talking about the weather.

“Well you’ve got to start somewhere, we did.” Brian smiled enthusiastically.

“Exactly darling,” Freddie said as he raised his glass to take a sip. “Now look at us. We’re even more fabulous than ever.”

They chuckled warmly at Freddie’s praise.

“Thanks Fred.” Brian grinned.

Roger turned to Pattie to explain. “That’s high praise coming from Freddie, would you believe?”

“And don’t you forget it, darling.” Freddie winked mischievously.

They fell into easy conversation, except for John, who was listening quietly. Then Pattie turned to Roger, her hand snaking ever higher.

She bit her lip as she moved closer to whisper in his ear. “Do you want to get out of here?”

How Roger yearned to say yes to that. But he knew he’d only get in trouble for being out all night.

“Better not,” he sighed. “We’ve got recording early in the morning.”

“Shame.” She frowned in response, and moved back to take a drag of her cigarette. Then she smiled, turning back again. “Actually, I have a better idea.”

His eyes lit up at what she suggested, and he bent forwards to put out his cigarette in the ashtray. “We’ll be back in a minute guys, Pattie just wants to introduce me to er…the rest of the band.”

“Of course darling.”

“Sure.”

John watched along with Brian and Freddie, as Roger lead Pattie through the doors at the back of the room by her hand, the feeling John had in his stomach doubling over. They all knew what that _really_ meant.

“Something tells me he’s not going to be back in a while.” Freddie said with an eye roll. “Another drink anyone?”

 Brian asked for half a pint, and John shook his head, staring down at the table as Freddie moved towards the bar.

“You okay, Deaks?” Brian asked softly. John looked up to see him leaning forwards slightly, concern in his eyes. “Just you seem…quieter than usual.”

John almost smiled. He wasn’t sure that was possible.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He did smile a little then. He didn’t want Brian worrying, not about this. So he changed the subject. “Are you? Given that we could be staying here a while longer.”

Brian frowned. “Guess I have to be. Although he better not be that bloody long, otherwise I’ll go and drag him back myself.”

“Good luck.” John said in what he hoped was good humour.

Freddie was right about Roger not being back for a while. He came back in, looking very pleased with himself over half an hour later, his blonde hair wild, and a couple of his shirt buttons still undone. His lips were stained with red lipstick too, John noticed. He looked away quickly, biting his lower lip hard. He wasn’t sure what he expected. Roger was single after all. And it had nothing to do with him who he chose to sleep with. So…why did he care?

Roger couldn’t believe his luck. It was an understatement to say that the last half hour had been the most fun he’d had over the past three weeks. He had a feeling in the way she’d been dancing around on that stage that there was something a little… _wild_ about her, and he’d been right. Not to mention _loud_. At one point, he was convinced somebody might have come into the men’s cubicles to tell them to keep the noise down, but they seemed to have gotten away with it.

She lead him back into the main room of the pub, sharing a smile as they headed back to his table.

“Well…it’s been fun Patricia—”

“Pattie,” she interrupted with an eye roll.

“But I’ve got a feeling my bandmates are going to want to leave in a minute,” he pretended to sigh sadly. “Unfortunately.” He added quickly.

“Fair enough,” she said with a shrug. “I’ve had my fill…for tonight anyway.”

Brian raised his eyebrows as Pattie stepped forwards, grabbing a fistful of Roger’s shirt and shoving him forwards, until their mouths met. Roger’s eyes had widened, but then he thought, _it would have been rude not to accept a kiss_. As she was kissing him, her hand moved around to his back, giving his bum a pinch as she pressed a note into the back left pocket of his jeans.

She then pulled away, giving a flushed Roger a wink. “Call me.”

With that, she walked away. Roger grinned in response. “Tonight’s been great lads. We should definitely do it again sometime.”

“For you, maybe.” Brian snorted.

“Yes, you do realise watching you get laid isn’t quite as fun for us, as I’m sure it was for you darling?”

“That’s a shame,” Roger smiled at Freddie, before wrapping his arms around his shoulder as they started to stand. “As much as I’d love for you watch the whole thing, which would be much more exciting I can assure you…it’d be a little weird.”

Freddie shrugged his arm off with a shiver as they put their coats on. “I’ll pass dear. I’ve seen you naked. It would be far too traumatising.”

“Cheek!” Roger smirked.

“He has a point, Rog. That would be the stuff of nightmares.” Brian said with a grin.

“Deaky would be up for it, wouldn’t you? We all know he has a secret kinky side.” Roger tried, flashing John a smirk.

“Up for you watching you getting your kit off for some blonde? I’ll pass.” John said, rather more bitterly than he intended. He seemed to realise that by the look on their faces, as if they weren’t sure how to take that. “Sorry, I’m just…a bit tired. It’s probably the thought of the drive home too.”

“I can always drive.” Roger tried.

The others all scoffed in response.

“I don’t think so dear.”

“Exactly. You’ve had more to drink than us. God knows where we’d end up.” Brian said as he followed them through the front door of the pub.

“In a ditch somewhere, probably.” Freddie chimed in.

“Hey, I’m a good driver!” Roger said offended.

John swallowed heavily, knowing he’d been rubbish company this evening, and decided to try to join in on the joke. “No offence Rog, but you’re passable at the best of times. I’d hate to see what you’re like with a few drinks inside you.”

“Hey, what is this? Gang-up-and-insult-Roger’s-driving night? For your information, I drive my baby a lot more careful than any of the way you lot treat your cars.”

“Oh my god,” Brian snickered. “You did _not_ just call your car your baby. Blimey, I knew you were protective, but I didn’t think you were actually _in love with your car_.”

Roger grinned in response. “Hey, that would be a brilliant name for a song, don’t you think?”

They all groaned in response.

“ _Please_ tell me you’re joking dear.” Freddie said horrified. Something in Roger’s expression told Freddie he wasn’t.

o-o-o


	2. I'm In Love With My Car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter in the series. I hope you'll find this just as good as the first chapter. I felt like I had to add this scene into my story. It was too good an opportunity to miss haha. Hopefully you'll all think so too. :) I am hoping to keep updating this story every week or so. So read along and enjoy! :)

John woke feeling a little bad the next morning. He was hangover-free, and yet, he knew he’d let his feelings show last night. He sat up in bed. Wait, what? What feelings? He shook his head. He was being an idiot. He was just jealous that Roger was getting all the attention. He always did. That was the problem. He was probably just fed-up too, because it had been a _while_. What he needed was a proper night out once they finished the album. That would do it.

He would apologize to the band, explain that he was tired and whatever. They’d understand, he was sure.

They were all in the kitchen by the time John came downstairs. He looked at Roger as he took a seat next to Brian. He didn’t seem to have a hangover either for a change. He was stood over the stove, tossing some sausages in a pan.

“So I had a brainwave last night.” Roger said unexpectedly.

“Well done Rog, you’ve proved there’s a brain somewhere in that head of yours, after all.” Brian teased, making Freddie and John smile from either side of him.

“Don’t be mean dear.” Freddie chided.

“Exactly,” John cut in. “We haven’t heard what it’s about yet. Who’s to say it’ll be a _good_ brainwave?”

Roger shot John a look. “I see you’re back on form.”

John’s smile dropped. “Yeah, sorry if I seemed a bit…off last night. I think I was just tired. Well that and the fact that…well…you know,” he tried, feeling his face heat up. “It’s been a _while_.”

Brian nodded in understanding, whilst Freddie said, “That’s understandable dear. We all get a little frustrated at times.”

“Good to know, Fred.” Roger said with a smile. “Well hey, you’re more than welcome to come out with me and I’ll set you up with someone.”

“You!” Brian snorted.

“Yeah, why not me? I mean no offence to you lot, but who is it that actually manages to pull on the majority of our nights out?”

“Excuse me dear?” Freddie huffed, clearly offended.

“Yeah, what would you know about whether or not we pull anyway?” Brian said incredulous. “You’re always off underneath whatever woman, too busy to know what we’re up to.”

“Exactly.” Freddie agreed enthusiastically.

Roger went to speak, and then he smiled instead. “I mean…you’re not wrong.”

Brian rolled his eyes. You couldn’t say Roger lacked confidence when it came to women.

“How about this? The first person to successfully pull on our next night out, gets to set Deaky up with a woman.”

“Oh thanks, so now I’m just some part of your bet.” John said with a huff.

Roger shrugged as he flipped the sausages. “It would make it more interesting. And prove my point.”

“You’re so arrogant!” Brian huffed. “You already think you’ve won, don’t you?”

Roger grinned. Winding them up could be too easy sometimes. “I do as it happens.”

“Fine. You have a deal. Freddie, you in?”

Freddie shrugged at Brian’s look. “I’m game darling.”

“Great, now that’s agreed on,” John said with a roll of his eyes. “What were you saying about this brainwave?”

“Oh yeah,” Roger said, serving up the sausages onto the four plates behind him. “I had an idea for a song last night.”

“Brilliant. Thanks.” Brian added as Roger handed him a plate.

“I should be thanking you actually Brian.” Roger said with a smile as he handed two of the other plates to Freddie and John.

Brian furrowed his brows. “You should?”

“Yeah,” said Roger, digging into his breakfast. “It was something you said last night. Gave me a bit of inspiration.”

They all stared back at Roger confused, none more so than Brian. Then it seemed to finally click as Brian groaned. “You’ve got to be joking me.”

“What?” Roger asked, genuinely sounding dumbstruck.

“Please tell me that the inspiration didn’t come from _in love with your car_.”

Roger shrugged, whilst eating a mouthful of bacon. “It did actually, yeah.”

“Well that certainly takes the dedication to his car to a new level.” John said with a smile.

Roger clicked his tongue in response, not appreciating the response he was getting so far. “Look, just give it a chance. You’ve not even read the lyrics yet.”

“Alright fine,” Brian sighed, taking the piece of paper Roger offered him, and putting it in the middle so that all three of them could read it as they ate.

They sat like that for at least a minute, each of them reading it through. Until Roger set aside his empty plate, and started getting impatient. “Well?”

“Hmm, it’s interesting dear.” Freddie said carefully.

Brian snorted. “That’s one word for it.”

“Come on then,” Roger said, rolling his eyes. “Tell us what you really think.”

“Okay,” said Brian, sitting up higher. “ _I’m In Love With My Car_. Really, Roger?”

“What?”

“Have you thought that maybe it’s not strong enough?”

“What does that even mean _not strong enough_?” Roger asked with a huff. He watched all three of them, eyes narrowed. “Let me guess, you all just want your bloody songs on the album, right?”

“No, for goodness sake!” Brian groaned.

“It’s not that at all.” John said quickly.

“Of course it isn’t!” Freddie agreed.

Roger frowned, folding his arms across his chest. John almost smiled. He looked a little like a petulant child who’d just been told he couldn’t have any pudding. “I put my heart and soul into that song.”

“Nobody is disputing that, Rog.” John said quickly, still fighting a smile.

Unfortunately for him, Roger looked up at that moment, narrowing his eyes at John’s smile. “What are you bloody smiling at anyway?”

“Sorry Rog, it’s just…well—”

“You look like a petulant child, dear.” Freddie said for John, when it was obvious he didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Freddie threw in a smile as Roger turned to glare at him instead. “No offence.”

“Offence taken actually.” Roger huffed in response.

Brian rolled his eyes in response. “Look, do you genuinely want critical feedback about this song?”

“Yes actually, I do.”

“Okay, okay… _with my hand on your grease gun_ ,” Brian read out. “That’s very subtle, isn’t it?”

“Oh come on,” Roger groaned. “It’s a _metaphor_ , Brian!”

“He has a point,” John said, giving Roger a smirk to let him know he was joking. “I mean…what exactly _are_ you doing with that car?”

“Hilarious John.” Roger said sourly, not appreciating his sense of humour in that moment. He reached for a piece of paper from behind him. “Let’s go through Brian’s new song then, shall we? Oh here’s an interesting lyric. _You call me sweet, like I’m some kind of cheese_.”

Brian looked back at him, shrugging in response, as if to say _what’s wrong with that_?

“ _Really_?” Roger said again.

“Children, honestly.” Freddie finally spoke with a sigh. “We could all kill each other, but then who would be left to finish this album?”

“Look, all I’m asking is whether Roger thinks the song is strong enough to be put on the album.” Brian said carefully.

They turned to look at Roger at that, waiting for his reaction.

“Yes I do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be suggesting it in the bloody first place!” He said in a temper. He was more annoyed that nobody was supporting him in this.

“Well how about this dears? We make time to go over Roger’s song in the studio properly, and then we take a vote on whether or not we think it should be on the album.” Freddie offered, hoping to diffuse the situation as he set aside his plate, and reached for his packet of cigarettes.

“Seems fair,” John agreed.

Roger huffed in response. “There’ll be no point when we already know you three will vote against it.”

“We’ll ask John and Miami to listen too, and Paul, to make it fair.” Freddie offered before he headed outside to smoke, and Roger rolled his eyes in response.

Paul liked Roger almost as much as Roger liked him.

“You know why you’re so annoyed, Roger?” Brian said offhandedly, as he set aside his plate. “Because you know deep down that your song isn’t strong enough for the album.”

That was probably the worst thing he could have said.

“Is this strong enough?” Roger asked, grabbing the closest thing to him and launching it at Brian’s face. Unfortunately for him, it happened to be a slice of untouched bacon.

John watched, not knowing whether to laugh or not. Was this really happening right now?

Brian sighed. _Very mature, Roger_ , he thought to himself.

Roger wasn’t quite satisfied with their reactions. He sent the plates and cutlery flying from the table, glaring at the two of them. “What about that? That strong enough for you both?”

Seeing that Roger was looking around for the next thing he could throw, John tried to be diplomatic. “Now come on—”

Roger had already turned, reaching for the coffee machine. _He’ll show them_.

“Not the coffee machine!” John and Brian shouted at the same time as Roger turned back.

He frowned, but slammed it back down anyway. “Whatever. I think I’ve made my point.”

Freddie stepped into the room, his eyes widening at the sight of the plates shattered on the floor. “Roger really, was there any need? Besides, we all know there’s only room in this band for one hysterical queen.”

o-o-o


	3. Friends will be Friends

There was a slight chance that John might have been drunk. A very good chance actually.

The band had finished in the studio two hours before after a successful day. They’d recorded over half of the songs on the album, and agreed that they would record the others over the next few days.

John was feeling a mixture of feelings over this. Of course he was happy because it meant that they could finally release the album, and hopefully it would be received well. But it also meant that the band would be finished. At least for a bit, before they went on tour to promote the album once it was released.

Which meant that they probably wouldn’t see as much of each over during that time.

The others had retreated to their rooms.

They usually ate together in the evenings, but this week had been intense. Everyone was yawning before they’d even exited the studio and John Reid had suggested that they all got an early night, which the band had been quick to agree on.

John had brought his guitar back to his room, strumming to one of the songs the band wanted to record tomorrow. Once he’d done that, he flickered through the channels on the television. He turned it off with a sigh, contemplating just going to bed. But it was still only eight in the evening.

So instead, he switched on the radio.

He’d somehow managed to find a soul station. He couldn’t believe his luck given that they were in the middle of nowhere. So he sat on the floor, his back against his tiny bed, eyes closed as he let the music flow over him. He’d reached for a bottle of rum that he’d tucked away the first night they got here. He’d brought it in case he ever wanted a nightcap.

John wasn’t sure how much he’d drunk, but he hadn’t bothered eating anything beforehand, so his head felt a little woozy now.

 _Oh well_ , he thought, letting his head fall against his bed again, and letting the smooth voice of Aretha Franklin wash over him.

Roger smiled at the sight of John. He had knocked, but clearly John had been too busy doing…whatever this was. “Having fun, are we?”

John’s eyes snapped open. He sat up, watching Roger stood in the middle of his room. He hadn’t even heard him come in.

“Sorry I did knock.” Roger smiled.

“Oh yay, it’s Roger.” John grinned. He gave a little wave as hello.

Roger gave him a look as he went to sit next to him. “Had yourself a little drink did you, Deaky?”

John nodded, using his finger and thumb to indicate _a little_.

Roger laughed in response. He’d seen John drunk a handful of times. He happened to think he was hilarious. John was easily the quietest in the band, but once you got to know him, you realised how funny he was. His jokes were even funnier when he was drunk. He had more sass than Freddie, and that was saying something.

“Well then. Looks like I’ve got some catching up to do.”

John grinned, passing the bottle to Roger. “Go ahead.”

“Although you might want to think about changing the music if I’m going to keep you company.” Roger said, taking a sip of the rum. He winched as he did. He’d never been that keen on rum, but needs must. Then he noticed John’s confused stare. “Aretha and rum. Two of my least favourite things in life.”

“If you’re going to stay, the rule is not to insult my taste in music _or_ drink.”

“That’s going to be difficult.” Roger chuckled as John snatched back the bottle. Then he saw his expression. “Okay fine, deal. But only because you’re the only person in this house who’s got any alcohol.”

Roger bumped his arm against John’s and gave him a smirk, so that he knew he was joking.

“You could always go and see if Paul has any alcohol.” John bit back teasingly, before taking a sip.

Roger made a face, as he took the bottle back from John. “I’d rather die from thirst.”

John laughed in response. “Well done on your song by the way. I forgot to say earlier. Or at least…I think I did.” John said, frowning as he clearly tried to remember if he’d already said that or not.

Roger _hmphed_ in response. “I thought that you said the song _wasn’t strong enough_?”

“Technically, Brian said that.”

“No, but you didn’t exactly disagree.”

“Yes, because I was trying to be diplomatic.” John said, rolling his eyes. He handed Roger back the bottle, and watched him take a sip before he spoke again. “Besides, in the wise words of Freddie Mercury, there’s only room in this band for one hysterical queen.”

Roger almost spat the drink out. He swallowed, laughing at John’s words. “Right. That’s true, I guess.”

“That was a nice tactic in the studio. If Freddie wasn’t so furious, I think he would have been proud.” John teased.

Roger grinned, passing the bottle back to John. “He was quite angry, wasn’t he?”

Roger had resorted to playground tactics when talk of putting his song on the album hadn’t gone how he wanted it to. He’d locked himself in the cupboard and refused to come out until they agreed to let him have his way. It might have been childish, but it worked. In the end. Brian was more prepared than Freddie had been to let Roger stay in there all night if it meant that they didn’t have to use Roger’s song. Eventually, to try and keep the peace, and sick of everyone arguing, John had said that if Roger truly felt that passionate about it, it should be on the album.

“Still, at least I won.”

“Yes you did. Thanks to me.”

Roger turned to look at John taking another sip, a proud look on his face. “How did you work that one out? Given that you’ve just admitted to being the diplomatic one.” _Not that the band didn’t already know that_ , Roger added in his head.

“Because I argued your case of course.” John said with a sigh, as if that should have been obvious. “So really, if it wasn’t for me you’d have probably still been in that cupboard and Freddie and Brian would be arguing.”

“Oh,” Roger said in surprise. He’d heard Brian and Freddie arguing whether or not they should let Roger get his way, but he hadn’t heard John take his side. He smiled, grateful. It meant a lot coming from John, especially as he knew they didn’t really share the same taste in music. “Thanks. Makes a change to have someone on my side.”

“Yes, because you’re so hard done by.” John said with a smile. He bumped his arm against Roger’s to let him know he was joking. “Anyway, anything for my friend.”

Roger snickered, taking the bottle back from John. “How much have you had again?”

“I’m being serious, Rog.” John said, turning to look at Roger.

He did look serious, Roger had to admit. But he knew it was just the drink talking. John didn’t usually say soft things like that.

“You _are_ a good friend. I mean you even offered to help me talk with women. Only a real friend would do that.”

Roger smiled at his words. He was tempted to get John drunk more often. “You’re a good friend too, Deaky.” Then he thought of something. “You know, maybe that’s where you’re going wrong with women. Maybe you just need a couple of drinks beforehand, Dutch courage and all that. I know it’s not exactly practical, but at least if it gives you the confidence to begin with, it’ll be something. I mean, you’ve said more to me in the last five minutes then you have to most women—”

Roger turned to find John staring into space. He frowned in response, putting down the bottle of rum. “Hey, have you even listened to a word I’ve said? I’m trying to give you advice here, mate.”

“Are you going to ring her?”

John’s had spoken so quietly, Roger had had to strain to hear him. And it had still taken a couple of minutes to work out what he’d actually said. He frowned in response. “Ring who?”

John didn’t meet Roger’s eyes. He knew he was still staring, waiting for him to say something. “Pattie.”

“Who’s Pattie—”

“From the other night, Roger.” John said with a heavy sigh. Had he really forgotten about her already or was he just pretending?

“Oh _her_ ,” Roger said, realising who John was talking about. It might have only been a couple of days ago but Roger hadn’t thought about her since. They’d had fun, but he didn’t have any intention of seeing her again. He hadn’t even realised she’d given him his number until the next morning. As soon as they got home that night, Roger had thrown aside his clothes, and headed to bed. The piece of paper she’d slipped into his pocket had fallen out as he went to put his jeans back on. He’d thrown it straight in the bin.

John frowned in response. He assumed Roger’s silence meant that was a _yes_.

He wasn’t sure why Roger didn’t just tell him that. Or tell him to mind his own business. Both responses would have been fine. It would _hurt_ , sure. But at least he would know. Roger had had the opportunity to settle with many women who had thrown themselves at him through the years. There’d been a couple of times where Roger had seen the same girl a few times, but it never lead anywhere. But John had never seen Roger laugh like he had with Pattie. Maybe he’d seen something different in her. John selfishly hoped that wasn’t the case.

“Seemed like you had fun anyway.” John said, trying to gauge Roger’s reaction.

“Yeah,” Roger agreed half-heartedly. “Yeah, we did.”

John swallowed heavily, forcing the words to come. He could have told him not to, could have told him how he felt even. He knew that Roger would probably put it down to John being drunk in the morning. But instead, he chose to be _kind_. His friend deserved some happiness. “Then you should ring her.”

Roger was surprised. John had never really taken any interest in Roger’s love life, despite how close they were, at least not with him anyway. He reached for the bottle again and took a sip. That gave him the Dutch courage to say what he needed to. “I don’t think I’ll bother.”

Now it was John’s turn to be surprised.

“Roger Taylor not following up on a woman’s advances. Now there’s a first.” John teased, taking the bottle back from Roger. Roger smiled as John gave him a look. _He wasn’t that bad, was he? John clearly thought so_. “I’m glad.”

Roger tried in vain to suppress the smile on his face. “You’re glad that I’m not interested in seducing a woman? That’s good to know.”

John frowned in response. _Was it? What did that mean_? He passed the bottle back to Roger after taking a sip, waiting until Roger tipped the bottle back before he spoke again. “Is that your way of saying you’re looking to settle down? Because consider me surprised.”

John always imagined someone like Brian being the first to settle. Brian had been on and off with his girlfriend Chrissie for a while, but it was more serious than anyone else had going on. Freddie was supposed to be with Mary, or at least as far as John knew, he was. But that seemed forgotten about when they were on tour. Not that he asked questions. It wasn’t his business.

Roger tipped the bottle back again, not caring that that was his second drink in a row. He turned to John, a smirk playing on his lips as he moved to rest his arm on the bed behind John and moved a little nearer to him. Was it wrong that the more Roger drank, the closer he liked being to him? He winked as John met his eyes, the drink giving him Dutch courage. “Only if you’re offering to settle down too, Deaky.”

John felt his cheeks warm at the look Roger was giving him. He’d almost forgotten that Roger liked a flirt when he’d had a drink. Usually only if there was no other women about, of course. Roger had even flirted with Brian and Freddie before. He’d been drunk and bored. Brian had laughed it off, and Freddie had played along for a bit, more because he’d been bored too. In the end he out-flirted Roger, and Roger had backed down. Still, John liked to pretend sometimes that it was genuinely because Roger liked him like _that_.

John swallowed heavily, hoping Roger couldn’t hear his racing heartbeat as he replied. “Roger Taylor, you absolute flirt.”

Roger smirked in response. “Yeah, but you know I’m only ever like that with you, Deaky.”

He was on great form tonight. How John ached to soak it up. Play him at his own game like Freddie. Roger would believe it was just the drink talking after all. Come the morning, it would be forgotten. John didn’t want that, not really. No matter how much he insisted to himself that it was just the drink talking.

“So you say,” John smiled, playing along. “But we all know Roger Taylor can’t resist a good flirt.”

“This is true,” Roger said with a shrug, reaching for the bottle and passing it back to John. In all honesty, he’d forgotten all about the bottle of rum. “But it’s not the same when it’s not you, Deaks.”

Roger’s gaze was serious for a moment, so intense it caught John’s breath. He bit his lip, debating on whether to just move forwards and kiss him. He wondered how Roger would respond. They’d both had a fair bit of drink. But then Roger’s eyes crinkled with laughter and he moved away slightly. John breathed out shakily, not realising he’d been holding it in.

John took a long sip of the bottle as he looked away. The burn in his throat gave him confidence to say what he said next. “In that case, it’s a pity this bed isn’t any bigger.”

He gave Roger a smirk, hoping to get away with that.

Roger grinned in response, shock written in his eyes. Then he shrugged, putting on a serious face. “Well there’s always mine.”

He winked at John again, before shaking his head slowly. “I’ll give it to you, Deaky. You give Freddie a run for his money when it comes to flirting. Perhaps my teachings have rubbed off on you after all.”

John gave a small smile at that. Because that was the reason. Not because John wanted nothing more than to kiss the person who offered to teach him to flirt in the first place. He took another sip, swallowing back that thought. “Perhaps they have. I think we should drink together more often.”

Roger took the bottle back from John, the smile falling from his face, his eyes sincere. “I’ll definitely be taking you up on that offer, Deaky.”

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek! I hope this chapter was worth the wait! Let me know what you think please. :)


	4. Body Language

John woke with a banging headache. He wasn’t sure why he thought it would be a good idea to drink as much as he had. It wasn’t like him, not whilst they were recording. Then he remembered what happened last night. Roger coming to visit his room, and the flirting. Was it flirting? Or had John made that up out of wishful thinking? He didn’t think he had.

Roger was in his bedroom, two floors above. He woke with a smile. Last night had been…interesting. He’d drank quite a bit, but he remembered everything. John was quite the flirt. Who’s have thought? He definitely needed to get John drunk more. Especially if it meant John flirted with him again.

He shook his head, inwardly giving himself a shake. What was he thinking? This was _John_. Not some random man.

John headed downstairs once he got showered and dressed. He realised as he walked into the kitchen that he must have looked as awful as he felt, given Brian and Freddie’s expressions.

“Somebody had a good night.” Brian said with a smile.

“Not like you be drunk on a school night, Deaky.” Freddie teased.

He knew they were joking, so he smiled as he went to sit down. “I felt like having a nightcap.”

“Looks like you had several,” Brian commented. “Was you drinking by yourself? You should have given us a shout if you wanted company.”

“It’s fine,” John smiled at Brian, knowing he was just being kind. “Roger came to see me anyway.”

“We see how it is dear.” Freddie huffed, and John whipped his head round to stare at him. _Did he see how it was_? “He was being a suck-up for you getting his bloody song on the album, wasn’t he?”

“Oh yeah…exactly.”

Freddie rolled his eyes. “I knew it. We’ll never hear the end of him getting his way now. Thanks for that by the way, John.”

“He didn’t actually mention it. And I still stand by what I said.”

“I applaud you for taking his side and I get your reasons why. But really?” Brian groaned. “You know what Roger’s like when he gets his own way with things.”

“I really don’t think he’ll be that bad.” John shrugged. “Like I said we barely talked about the song. If anything, he mostly insulted my choice of music whilst we drank the bottle of rum I’d had stashed away in case anyone wanted a nightcap.”

“Well now I’m not so gutted I missed out.” Freddie said with a smirk.

Brian just smiled. “Aretha, by any chance?”

“Maybe,” John sniffed. “I don’t just listen to _her_ though.”

“On second thoughts, I love Aretha. Give me a knock next time, darling.” Freddie frowned, making John laugh.

Roger’s ears must have been burning, because his head popped round the doorway minutes later.

“Ah here he is. I think we must have said his name too many times.” Brian said jokingly.

Roger looked better than John felt. He’d seen Roger hungover before. Which meant Roger presumably remembered last night too.

He shot them all a confused look as he sat down, watching the three of them sort their breakfasts. “What did I miss?”

“Oh nothing. John was just telling us what a bad influence you were last night.”

Roger wondered exactly what John had said. He hoped he hadn’t been _too_ honest.

John frowned, feeling his cheeks heat up at Freddie’s words as he sorted himself some toast. “For the record, his words, not mine.”

“Oh Roger knows I’m only pulling his leg.” Freddie teased as he sat down next to Roger to eat. “Deaky was telling us how you were insulting both of our music tastes last night.”

Roger shrugged. He didn’t mind them joking about that. “That’s hardly news. You know I’m not big on soul music.”

“You obviously didn’t mind it that much though, given that you don’t look quite as hungover as Deaky.”

Roger thought that John had looked a little paler. “Maybe I can just handle my drink a little better.”

John didn’t meet Roger’s eyes, instead concentrating on putting butter on the slices of toast that had just pinged out of the toaster.

“That’s a load of rubbish. We’ve seen you get into an absolute state plenty of times on tour.” Brian said with a shake of his head as he held up his bowl of cereal to eat. “ _You’re_ just a bad influence, Taylor.”

 _If only he knew_.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Roger teased before he could stop himself. “Because from what I remember, it didn’t take that much _influencing_ on my part.”

John had obviously not told Brian and Freddie everything that happened last night. Roger was glad. He didn’t want them to know. But he could still have a little fun, teasing John.

Brian shot him a look as he chewed on his cereal, and Roger suddenly worried he’d said too much. But then Brian shrugged. “So you say.”

“Trust me, drunk Deaky’s almost a worst influence than me.” Roger insisted, watching John squirm the whole time. Making him embarrassed was almost as fun as it had been flirting with him. _Almost_.

“I can believe that actually. We all know Deaky has a naughty side.” Freddie teased, throwing across a wink at John as he turned back to eat his toast.

“Which is why I’ve decided to get him drunk much more often.” Roger announced with a smirk.

“I won’t argue with that. Drunk Deaky is funny, I’ll give you that,” Brian agreed with a laugh.

John finished chewing on a bit of toast before rolling his eyes. “That’s like saying I’m not funny the other ninety five percent of the time.”

Brian sighed. “Alright if you want to get technical about it. _Funnier_ then.”

o-o-o

 

“Anyone fancy a pint?” Brian asked as they packed up for the day.

The band had finally recorded all of the songs. It had taken two weeks, finishing with John’s _You’re My Best Friend_. Everyone was feeling pretty tired, but Brian wanted to unwind now that they didn’t have the weight of the album on their minds.

“Yeah sounds good.” Roger agreed quickly.

Brian rolled his eyes. That wasn’t much of a surprise. Roger was always up for a drink.

“I’m always up for a drink darling.”

Again, not much of a surprise.

“No change there then, Fred.” Brian teased. Then he looked at John still strumming on his guitar. “You fancy a drink Deaky?”

John looked up in surprise. They’d agreed to pack up everything in the morning, just before they leave. He would miss recording. He smiled. “Count me in.”

“Good,” Freddie smiled. “Now dears let’s not forget about our little bet from the other day too.”

Roger tensed as he lit a cigarette. He was hoping they’d forgotten. If it was up to Roger, he’d go back in time and not let his arrogance get the better of him for suggesting the bloody bet in the first place. Having said that, if he won, maybe he could set John up with someone inappropriate. Someone loud and boisterous, someone flashy and over-confident. John would hate that. Then he realised how selfish that was. The whole point was to help John, _his friend_ , not to hinder his love life because…well, because of however he felt about John right now.

John felt his face grow warm as he set aside his guitar. “You don’t have to follow through with that bet. I don’t mind.”

“We wouldn’t do that, Deaky.” Brian said.

“No we wouldn’t. Who knows, whichever one of us pulls tonight, they might have a friend to share with you, Deaky.” Freddie said enthusiastically.

“And if none of us pull, then it’s not the end of the world.” Roger said quickly. “I’m just looking forward to chilling out now that we’ve finished the album as sad as that sounds.”

Brian smirked. “Sounds more like somebody’s getting cold feet if you ask me.”

That got Roger’s back up. He was competitive at the best of times, and it was irritating him a little at how keen Brian and Freddie seemed at setting up John. “Fine. If you want to lose so badly Brian, bring it on.”

“I can’t wait for both of you to lose. That will wipe the smiles off of your arrogant faces.” Freddie said with a smirk as he collected his jacket from the back of the room. “Or even better, Deaky pulls before any of us. Now wouldn’t that be ironic, dears?”

“Glad to see this brings you lot such amusement.” John said dryly.

“Oh that note, should we make a move?” Roger said as he moved to meet them in the middle of the room. The more they talked about Deaky’s potential love life, the more wound up he was getting.

Brian shot him a look. “Suddenly somebody’s eager.”

They decided to get a taxi into Cardiff. That way, they could all drink. John had offered to drive, but the others all agreed that it wouldn’t be fair to let him. Roger wasn’t kind enough to offer himself. He was going to need a few drinks if John ended up pulling. Not to mention it would give him the confidence to chat up the nearest woman too.

They decided to go to _The Lion’s Den_ , just around the corner from _The Moon Club_.

John was glad they were going somewhere different. He liked the Moon Club, but there was always the chance of bumping into Pattie again. Roger had said he didn’t want to see her again, but he tended to be less fussy after a few drinks. Not that it made much difference. They were there to see who could pull first. He hated to admit it, but it was probably going to be Roger.

The Lion’s Den was more of a nightclub. The music was loud, and it was quite dark. But it was nice, and it was busy. It was only nine, and there was quite a few dancing already. The music was okay though. They were playing mainly disco songs, the sort of music Brian and Roger chose not to dance to. Not that Brian danced anyway.

They all went straight to the bar. Roger offered to get the first round. He turned to John, a smile on his face. He put his hand on John’s back as he leaned closer. “Are you getting a shot, Deaks?”

John pulled a face. “Just a pint for me please.”

“Oh come on,” Roger groaned. “We’re all getting a pint and a shot. Besides, this was the whole point of getting a taxi here. Even Prenter said earlier that we should let our hair down now that the album’s finished. You’re not going to let that git’s permission pass, are you?”

John sighed, knowing Roger was right. He couldn’t always be the calmer one. “Fine. Just no sambuca.”

John had had it once during one of the band’s nights out, and he didn’t want it again.

Roger laughed, remembering that night. That was the drunkest he’d ever seen John. At one point, John had fallen off his chair, and he’d tried flirting with a upside down mop, telling it that he thought her hair was very voluminous. “That’s too bad. You’re even more hilarious on sambuca.”

John snorted at Roger’s backhanded compliment. “I’ll take your word for it, given I can’t remember much about that night.”

“That’s probably best.” Roger smiled.

They settled for shots of vodka instead. Roger ordered a pint, and two shots each. John went to say he only asked for one, but then he shut up at the look Roger gave him.

So he held his shot glass up, chinking it against Roger’s. “Cheers.”

Roger grinned as they both downed their shot in one, before winching at the taste. They did the same with the second one, then laughed afterwards. Roger leaned in again, his hand resting on John’s arm. “That’s more like it, Deaky.”

John flushed in response, holding his pint glass up to his lips to take a sip, and hid his small smile.

They took a table in the corner of the room, next to a group of women. John thought that Roger had definitely chosen it on purpose, noticing a few of the women were already looking round at Roger before they’d even sat down. Roger’s smile told him he’d already noticed it.

Roger locked eyes with a blonde woman. She had blue eyes, and wavy shoulder length hair, and was wearing quite a bit of make-up. She was pretty enough. He winked at her, enjoying the way she giggled in response. _This was going to be too easy_ , he thought to himself.

“Right, I’m off.” Brian announced, picking up his beer as he stood up.

Roger grinned, sitting forwards to shout. “Giving up already, are you?”

Brian laughed at that. “No chance. I’m going to mingle, see if anyone catches my eye.”

“But that’s not fair,” Roger complained. “How are we going to know if you’ve pulled first?”

“Simple,” Brian said with a smile. “I’ll walk back this way to rub it in your smug face.”

He walked off, not bothered to wait for Roger’s reply. He huffed in response, sitting back again. John smiled at his expression.

“Actually, I’m going to go and mingle too.” Freddie said, standing up as well.

“What—”

“Oh relax Rog, you’ll be the first person I tell if I do pull, trust me. I actually want to win this bet, darling.” Freddie grinned, before walking off the same way Brian went.

“I guess that just leaves us two then.” John sighed.

Roger shrugged, taking a sip of his pint. “Oh well, it’ll be cheaper rounds. They can buy the rest of their own bloody drinks if they’re going to be like that.”

John laughed in response. He noticed the blonde woman was still staring, waiting for him to look at her again. With a heavy sigh, John chose to help Roger out. He leaned closer to speak into Roger’s ear. “If you want to get in there first, that blonde is still looking at you.”

Roger turned to see that John was right. He blew her a kiss in response, watching as she turned to giggle with her friends.

“Thanks,” Roger said, turning back to John with a grin. Then his smile dropped a little. “Would you mind if I go and talk to her? Just for a second, I mean. I’ll even try and bag a friend for you.”

John forced a nod.

Roger smiled again. “Thanks Deaks, you’re a good friend.”

He watched Roger pick up his pint, eyes locked on the blonde as he headed over to her table. She flicked her hair over her shoulder, giving him a flirty smile as he sat next to her. John responded by downing almost half of his pint in one sip. Well tonight was going to be so much fun.

“Hey gorgeous, I thought I’d come over to see if I could buy you another drink?” Roger leaned over to whisper in her ear, pressing his arm around the back of her chair.

“Yeah alright then. Another gin and tonic for me please.” She smiled. He could smell the gin on her breath a little, and something fragrant, he was guessing her perfume. “I’m Hannah, by the way.”

“A pretty name for a pretty lady.” Roger cooed, playing idly with the back of her hair. “I’m Roger.”

“Nice to meet you, Roger.” Hannah said, biting her lip. Then she frowned in response. “I feel like your face is familiar. Have we met before?”

“I don’t think so. I’m sure I’d have remembered you if I had.” He said, moving back to wink at her. She smiled coyly in response, her face heating with colour. “But you might have heard of me through my band, Queen.”

Her eyes widened a little in response. “Of course. Roger Taylor. You’re one of the hottest members of the group, I’ve heard.”

“Well I don’t like to brag.” He shrugged, fighting to keep the smile from his face. He looked round, noticing how bored Deaky looked, and instantly felt bad. “Anyway, I’ll be back in a second to get you that drink.”

She nodded in response, her hand slipping down to his leg before he could get up. She looked up at him, the shadow of a smile on her face. “Don’t be _too_ long. I’d hate to get bored.”

He grinned in response. He liked her already. She had fire. “Oh, I won’t.”

John was almost surprised when Roger headed back to his table. He sat down, putting his arm around the back of Deaky’s chair. “Getting anywhere?”

Roger shrugged, but a smile played on his lips as he spoke. “Maybe. I’ll see if she’s got a friend in a second. I’m just popping to the bar first, do you want a drink?”

“Err…” John glanced at his pint. He had a quarter left. He picked it up and downed the rest of it, before turning to smile at Roger. “Yes please.”

Roger grinned. Was it terrible that he wanted to get Deaky drunk? “Good man. I’ll be right back.”

John watched Roger at the bar. He brought a drink for the blonde, and then brought a pint for him and John and two shots for them both. He gave Hannah her drink first, winking at her as he leant down to speak. “I’ll be right back.”

Then he brought his and John’s drinks over, ignoring the look John gave him.

“Right,” Roger said, giving John the first of his shots. “Let’s down these.”

John rolled his eyes but nodded. “Go on then. Cheers.”

He winched, then laughed as Roger did the same. Then they both downed the next shot.

“I’m sure shots get stronger, the more you have of them.” Roger groaned, making John laugh.

“Well you have nobody to blame but yourself when it’s you who keeps buying them for us.” John reminded him.

“True. But I like seeing you drunk. Drunk Deaky is fun.” Roger smirked.

“Drunk Deaky is _bad_.” John corrected with a laugh.

John tensed as Roger put his hand on his leg out of nowhere. It burned through his jeans, as he stared up at Roger in shock. But he was leaning towards him, as if it was nothing. “I’ll be back in a bit. Don’t be too lonely without me.”

With that, he moved away slightly to give John a smirk. It caught John’s breath. Then he moved his hand away, and John sighed as Roger moved to sit back to sit with the blonde.

Was Roger doing that on purpose or did he genuinely have no idea of the effect he had on John? And was Roger flirting with him again? Then again, he was probably quite drunk by now. But there was women around, and he didn’t usually flirt with the band when there were willing women.

John was officially confused.

He was brought out of his thoughts with a gasp—his own, as a woman stumbled into his table, spilling her white wine pretty much all over his trousers.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry!”

He stood, swearing under his breath as the liquid soaked into his dark jeans. This night kept getting better.

“Here, let me try and help.” She said again, moving round and bending to pat his jeans with a napkin she had in her hand.

He automatically moved back, realising how wrong this might look to anyone passing. Last thing he wanted was to be in the paper for what looked like public indecency with some random woman.

She stood up again, confusion on her face.

“It’s fine. I’ll go and dry it properly in the toilet.”

“There’s a disabled toilet just there,” she said, pointing to a doorway opposite. She rolled her green eyes. “I’m not even drunk would you believe?”

He smiled a little in response. She was quite pretty. She had long dark hair which fell into ringlets around her shoulders. Her skin was tanned, and she had almond shaped eyes. She was a couple of inches smaller than John. She raised her eyebrows, noticing he was still staring.

“I’ll be back. Then I’ll buy you another drink.”

“No there’s no need—”

“I insist,” he said firmly. “I’ll be right back.”

She was still sat at his table when he exited the bathroom, so he went back to the bar and ordered her another white wine. She smiled as he put it on the table.

“Thanks, you didn’t have to do that. Considering I spilt virtually the whole glass on you.” She shouted over the loud music as he sat next to her.

“It’s fine, it’s almost dry now.”

He looked over to see Roger was staring, confusion in his eyes. _You alright_? He mouthed. John nodded and turned back to the woman sat next to him.

“Sorry, I’m being rude. I’ve not even asked your name.”

She smiled as she held the glass to her lips and took a sip. “It’s Veronica. You?”

“John.”

She nodded, putting her glass back on the table. “So what do you do, John? For work, I mean.”

“I’m in a band.” He smiled. “You might have heard of them.”

“Oh yeah? What’s the band’s name?”

“Queen,” he said, taking a sip of his beer and watching her eyes widen in response.

“I thought you looked familiar!” Then she rolled her eyes. “Trust me, to spill my drink all over you. That was a great introduction.”

“It’s fine,” John laughed. “At least it wasn’t a boring introduction.”

“True.”

“What do you do for work?” He asked. He was finding himself curious to hear more about her.

“I work in an office.” She pulled a face. “Not very exciting, but there we are.”

“Is there anything you’d rather do?”

“Hmm, I’d like to do something which lets me travel all over the world. I’ve never really been anywhere.” she sighed. “I suppose you’re used to all that now? Touring the world, I mean.”

“Yeah, I guess I’m quite lucky.”

She smiled. “That’s good then.”

John looked round, ignoring Roger’s gaze. “Are you…on your own?”

“I am now,” Veronica huffed. “I’d just gone to the toilet before I knocked my drink over. I was with a girlfriend but she was went off somewhere with a guy.”

“Nice,” John snorted.

Veronica shrugged. “Maybe it was a good thing.”

“How?” He asked, confused.

“Because if she’d have stayed around, I might not have met you.”

She was giving him a look, her cheeks flushed. He hoped his face didn’t give away his surprise.

“I guess that’s true,” he smiled shyly. “Even if it took spilling a drink on me in the process.”

She blushed even more. “I’m so sorry about—”

“I’m only pulling your leg.” He insisted. “Besides, we might not have noticed each other if you hadn’t spilled your drink.”

“I had noticed you already,” Veronica admitted shyly. John frowned in confusion. “Technically. That was why I spilt the drink. I noticed that you were sat on your own, and you looked almost as bored as I felt, and I thought you were…good looking.” She admitted, her face growing redder.

Maybe tonight would be good after all. John hadn’t expected her to say that.

Veronica took a gulp of her wine and finished talking. “Anyway that was when I fell over the table and sent my drink flying.”

John drank from his pint before he answered. “Nice to know I can _occasionall_ y send women falling just from one look.”

Veronica laughed in response, enjoying John’s bout of confidence. “Well don’t let it go to your head too much. I’m actually a very clumsy person.” She teased.

They talked for what seemed like ages. Veronica was easy to talk to. She was a good listener too. They had a few more drinks, which went to John’s head. That might not have been a bad thing. It gave him confidence to sit nearer, their legs touching. His arm was round the back of her chair, occasionally letting his fingers brush against her back as she talked.

He gave up looking at Roger. He was only torturing himself.

Roger was practically all over the blonde at this point. His arm was resting against her back, his fingers buried in her hair as he whispered something to her. From where John sat, it looked like Roger was enjoying this bet too much.

“So are you here with your bandmates?” Veronica suddenly asked, interrupting his thoughts.

“Yeah I am,” John forced himself to nod at where Roger was sat. “That’s Roger. He’s a bit of a ladies man.”

She smiled as he rolled his eyes at that.

“And Brian and Freddie are somewhere here too.”

She nodded, before smiling, staring at something behind John. “I think it’s your friends lucky night.”

He looked, and suddenly wished he hadn’t. Roger practically had his tongue down the back of the blonde’s throat. John felt heat rise to his face, and that same feeling in the pit of his stomach. He guessed that meant that Roger had _won_.

“That’s a shame,” Veronica sighed, and John forced his attention back to her.

He frowned in confusion, wondering what she meant by that. Was it that obvious? “It is?”

“Yeah,” she said simply, moving closer with a smile. “It’s not fair that he gets to have all the fun, do you not think?”

She moved before he realised, closing the distance so that he could smell the alcohol on her breath. Her lips brushed his, giving him a chance to kiss her back. And he did. He couldn’t keep pining over Roger like he was. Not when he was convinced he didn’t feel the same way.

His hand rest against her hip, pulling her closer as he deepened the kiss. She sighed into his mouth as his tongue brushed hers. It was nice. It felt easy, kissing her like this. And then she pulled away. Her eyes opened and she smiled, holding his gaze as she blushed, biting her lip shyly.

“I don’t suppose I could come home with you tonight, could I?”

John smiled nervously, but nodded. “Funnily enough, I was going to ask you the same thing.”

Roger headed back over to John’s table then, the blonde following. He was holding her hand, but his eyes were on John’s, taking in the closeness of him and Veronica.

“Guess I’m not the only one to have pulled.” Roger said jokingly, even though his face didn’t share that humour. “This is Hayley.”

The blonde pulled her hand away from his, hitting him with her bag. “It’s Hannah, you _dick_.”

“Ouch. I knew that really,” Roger smiled as he sat next to John. His hand wrapped against the back of John’s chair automatically. “I was just testing you.”

“Very funny.” Hannah huffed, sitting next to Roger.

John realised he hadn’t introduced Veronica. “This is Veronica. Veronica, this is Roger.”

“Nice to meet you,” Roger smiled pleasantly enough. “Seems we’ve beaten Freddie and Brian. Shall I go and tell them to give up—”

His smile dropped as Brian headed over to the table too. Following him was a dark haired woman. She was a good five inches smaller, and had long, straight hair, and looked oddly a little like his on-off girlfriend, or so John thought. He was holding her hand too, he noticed as they sat opposite.

“Hello everyone.” Brian said cheerfully. “This is Jackie.”

“This is Hannah.” Roger said.

“And this is Veronica.” John added.

“What did you say before? About beating your other two bandmates?” Hannah asked Roger with a frown.

“Oh…erm—”

“Roger won a bet with Freddie and Brian,” John spoke over Roger, knowing it probably wasn’t the best idea to be honest. “They bet that we weren’t going to stay longer than half an hour. We’ve never been here so we weren’t sure whether we were going to like it or not. But we do.”

Luckily, they all looked as if they believe that. Brian even looked fairly impressed by John’s quick thinking.

“Exactly,” Roger said, agreeing quickly.

Freddie came back a while later, looking as if he’d seen through his side of the bet too. He headed over to the table, his hair a little messier, and his face flushed. He smiled as they introduced him to everyone. “So darlings, what did I miss? Anything exciting?”

A man walked past the table, giving Freddie a look. He was young, and fairly handsome in a rugged sort of way. He looked around the same age as them, and he had shoulder length dark hair. Freddie nodded and then he looked away. It was obvious where Freddie had been, or more who he had been with, but none of us would comment over it. It was Freddie’s life, and he needed to accept who he was first.

They all headed back to the house. They booked two taxis. One was for Brian, Jackie and Freddie. And the other was for Roger, John, Veronica and Hannah.

Roger opened the front door for Hannah. “I’ll let you sit in the front, Hayley.”

“Hannah,” she groaned, accepting his offer. She didn’t look very happy. She gave him a look. “It’s lucky you’re so hot.”

He grinned, letting John sit in the middle of him and Veronica. “Well I’ve had a great evening.”

John snickered, leaning closer to whisper so that Hannah didn’t hear them talking. “Keep calling her Hayley, and I reckon you won’t be saying that later.”

“She’ll be fine,” Roger insisted. “I’ll just turn the charm on.”

John raised his eyebrows dismissively. Roger gave him a look, before leaning in closer. He was glad the taxi driver had the music so loud. “Are you dismissing my skills, Deaky? I’d be more than happy to demonstrate them to you after you have your fun this evening.”

John locked eyes with Roger, mainly to see if he was joking. His gaze was so intense, it made John shiver.

“I hope I’m not interrupting your conversation, boys.” Veronica spoke up with a smile.

Roger looked away first, giving Veronica a smile. “Sorry, my fault. We were discussing band stuff.”

John took a shaky breath, wondering how Roger could be so calm. But he knew already the answer to that. Roger flirted with everyone. John needed to accept that whatever he felt, nothing would happen between them. It was probably for the best. He wouldn’t want to risk ruining his friendship with Roger.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I love it when Roger and John flirt hehe! I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter. Please let me know what you think so far and I shall try to reply to your comments when I can. Also, if anyone has any tips for me or any ideas for the story, let me know. Also, do you think John is making a mistake in not pursuing anything with Roger? I'd like to know your thoughts. :)


	5. Play the Game

Roger woke with a banging headache. He could barely remember leaving the nightclub. He forced his eyes open with a groan. He smiled at the sight of Hayley—no _Hannah_ —laid next to him in bed. He vaguely remembered inviting her back, and then stumbling up to his bedroom whilst kissing, as Freddie told them to get a room. He only remembered little bits about what happened next. Hannah smashing her lips back against his as soon as his bedroom door closed, her practically tearing at his clothes, which he hadn’t minded too much, and then him making her laugh as he tripped over his trousers.

He could hear voices downstairs, so he grabbed a pair of underpants and tied his dressing gown round him, and went to see who was up.

Brian and Freddie were sat in the kitchen, both drinking a cup of tea.

“Speak of the devil.”

Roger rolled his eyes at Brian’s tone as he moved to flick the kettle on. “What have I done now?”

“All three of you had company, and yet I still only managed to hear _you_ last night.” Freddie huffed.

“Exactly. Thanks for that by the way. It really ruined the mood with Jackie.”

Roger didn’t exactly feel guilty about that. Even if they were on and off, Brian still had a girlfriend. Him and John were both single, so was free to sleep with whoever they wanted.

“Take it she’s not staying for breakfast then?”

Brian gave him a sour look in response as Roger set his cup of tea down. “Oh fuck off Roger.”

Roger was about to respond, but Freddie spoke first.

“Morning Deaky.”

Roger glanced up to see John heading through the kitchen. He looked a little sleepy and he obviously hadn’t brushed his hair yet. He only had on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Roger thought he looked a little adorable. But then Roger’s smile dropped as Veronica trailed behind him, looking sleepy herself. She was wearing the same dress from last night. They both stifled a yawn as they mumbled a good morning to everyone. Brian and Freddie replied, but Roger openly stared, watching as John lead her through the kitchen without another word.

Freddie and Brian shared a smile. Roger turned to glower at them as he picked his cup up. “What are you both looking so happy about?”

“Aren’t you happy dear? For Deaky, I mean?” Freddie asked confused.

“No, not really,” Roger said with a shrug. “Why should I be?”

“Because you self-centred dick, this is a big deal for him.” Brian said with a huff. “I know he’s been with women before, but I can’t think of a time that he’s not snuck them out before the sun rose.”

“That’s true, darling. He obviously likes her.”

“No, not necessarily.” Roger said stubbornly. “He might have fell asleep before he could usher her out. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

“Why are you so determined to shit all over this?” Freddie asked with a frown.

“What’s wrong Rog? Scared Deaky might actually start to pull more women than you?” Brian teased.

Roger huffed, feeling himself grow defensive. “You do realise that’s not the only thing I care about, right?”

“Well if that’s not a load of rubbish, I don’t know what is.” Brian snorted.

“Exactly. I believe that as much as I believe in unicorns.” Freddie said unconvinced. “Anyway, who officially won this bet last night?”

“Does it matter?” Roger sighed heavily. He wasn’t in the mood to talk about who or who might not have won a stupid bet. Brian and Freddie being all giddy about John’s love-life had soured his mood.

“Of course it does, darling. Especially if John managed to get in there first.”

Roger shrugged. “I can’t really remember. We’d both had a few drinks by that point.”

“I guess we’ll ask John when he gets back. See if he remembers.” Brian said with a smile.

Roger lifted his cup with a roll of his eyes. “Go ahead. I’m going back to bed.”

“Yes you do that dear. Perhaps Hannah could see about putting you in a better mood.”

Roger had almost forgotten about Hannah. He took the stairs slowly, hoping that by the time he got there, she’d be ready to go home.

Unfortunately that wasn’t the case.

She was sat up in bed, still naked. The duvet was pulled up  to her chest. She smiled as he closed the door behind him.

“Hey lover. Fancy a repeat of last night?”

He didn’t look at her, instead gathering his clothes that they’d chucked off last night. “Better not. We’ve got to leave soon.”

He didn’t see her face drop at that. “That’s too bad.”

“Yeah, so…” he trailed off, trying to find the words so he didn’t come across as a dick, busying himself by stuffing his clothes into his suitcase by the side of the room. No time like the present to get packing.  “You’d probably better get going soon.”

“Oh right,” came her flat voice from behind him.

He instantly felt bad. It wasn’t her fault that he was in a foul mood.

“Sorry…it’s been nice, but—”

“I get the hint, Roger. I know when I’m being given the brush off.”

He stood awkwardly at the foot of the bed, before turning back to her. Her legs dangled off the side of the bed as she pulled on her underwear, avoiding his eyes as she did. She looked almost upset. He frowned guiltily. They’d gotten on well, and last night had been…nice, and he was throwing her aside like a rag doll. He did that with most girls. He just hadn’t felt this bad about it.

“Sorry.”

She frowned as she put her dress on. “Don’t be. You’re just being honest. We both had a good time.”

“Yeah, yeah we did.”

“Right then. Glad I could be of service.”

Her wasn’t sure if that was sarcasm or not, but he didn’t have the time to think of a reply as she grabbed for her bag and stared at him expectantly. “Any chance of a lift back into Cardiff?”

“Yeah of course. I’ll take you back now.” Roger said, before realising he still only had on his underwear and a dressing gown. “Let me just get dressed.”

They drove in silence. Roger wasn’t sure what to say. They already knew where they both stood. So he let the music fill the void of conversation.

She told him to drop her near the nightclub they were at last night. She said she didn’t live too far from there. She smiled as he pulled to a stop. “Well thanks for the lift, it’s been…fun.”

“Yeah…it has,” Roger said in agreement.

“And if you’re ever in Cardiff again and feeling bored…”

“I’ll let you know,” Roger said with a smile, knowing he wouldn’t. They hadn’t swapped numbers and he had no intention of asking for it now.

“Bye then,” she said, hesitating as she bit her lower lip. Then she leaned over, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and climbed out of the car.

He watched her walk away, wondering idly to himself why he was like this. She obviously wanted to see him again.

He’d had plenty of opportunities to start a proper relationship over the years. But what would be the point when he’d felt nothing for them? It was true that he’d found every woman pretty. He’d obviously found them attractive in some way otherwise he wouldn’t have slept with them. But it had always been a means to an end. He wondered idly what was wrong with him. Perhaps he just didn’t want to commit himself to anyone.

John wondered back into the kitchen, a small smile on his face.

He’d driven Veronica back to Cardiff. They’d talked more in the car. It turned out she’d been on holiday in Cardiff with her friends, and lived in London. She would be back in a few days’ time, and they’d agreed to meet up. He liked her. Maybe this could be the start of something good. Maybe it would cease all of this confusion he’d been feeling when it came to Roger.

John joined the others in the studio. They were already packing up all of the equipment to put in the back of the band’s van. But there was no sign of Roger.

“Where’s Rog?”

“He’s taking Hannah back to Cardiff.” Brian replied, grabbing his guitar from the side of the room.

John nodded, his smile falling a little as he went to grab his guitar too.

They’d finished by the time that Roger come back. He met them all in the courtyard as they loaded the last of it into the van.

“Isn’t this good timing?” Brian said as he closed the van doors. “As usual, Roger arrives _after_ all the work has been done.”

Roger smiled in response as he got out of his car. “I have a valid excuse this time.”

“Makes a change dear.”

“Looking good today, Fred.” Roger teased. Freddie was wearing a bright jacket with different coloured flowers. They all wore colourful things, but Freddie was the worst. He often tried to make them all look and dress a bit more vivaciously, particularly on stage.

“You’re only jealous that you can’t pull this off as well as me, darling.” Freddie teased right back.

Roger grinned in response. He wasn’t wrong. He didn’t think anyone but Freddie had the confidence to get away with most of the outfits he wore. Didn’t stop Roger borrowing his clothes. And Brian and John’s. In fact, all of them wore each other’s clothes, especially whilst they were on tour.

Jim and Paul drove the van back to the studio, and Brian, Freddie, Roger and John all went back in Roger’s car.

The drive home was quiet. Freddie and Brian spent most of the journey asleep. Roger drove all the way home. John, who was sat in the front, offered to take over after they stopped halfway to stretch their legs, but Roger was adamant that he was fine. He said he preferred to drive. That way he didn’t have to think. He didn’t have to wonder what had gone on between John and Veronica when he drove her back to Cardiff. Not that it mattered given that John probably wouldn’t see her again. Not to mention it wasn’t really any of Roger’s business. John hadn’t pried about Hannah. Not that he’d have minded. There’d been nothing much to tell.

Still, as soon as Roger dropped Brian and Freddie off at theirs, Roger could resist no longer.

“Did you drop Veronica off okay?” He inwardly cursed himself. What a stupid question to begin with.

“Yeah, thanks. How about with Hannah?”

“Yeah, fine.” Roger said, thinking carefully about what he was going to say next. “So…are you planning on seeing her again?”

John was almost surprised. Out of everyone, Roger took as much interest in John’s love life, as John took in Roger’s. They’d all agreed to set John up as a bet, but they’d done that more out of the knowledge that John wasn’t the greatest at talking to women unless he’d had a few drinks.

“Maybe, yeah,” John was glad Roger had asked. It gave him the opportunity to ask the same. “What about Hannah?”

He wasn’t that surprised when Roger shook his head. “Probably not. She lives in Cardiff anyway. What about Veronica? Does she lives in Wales?”

“No, she was on holiday. She lives in London.”

Roger’s face fell. She practically lived round the corner if she lived in London. It gave John the perfect opportunity to see her whenever he liked. Which meant this could very well be the start of something serious. Roger felt sick at the thought. He’d been an idiot to think whatever feelings he had meant nothing.

They didn’t speak anymore, and the crackle of the radio echoed between them as Roger dropped John outside of his flat.

“Thanks for dropping me off.” John said, turning to Roger with a smile. His smile dropped a little when he noticed Roger’s face.

He didn’t look at John. He couldn’t. He didn’t even think he could manage a smile. “It’s fine.”

John was taken back by Roger’s tone. God knew what was wrong with him. “Okay well…bye then.”

Roger didn’t speak, and John slammed the car door behind him. What the hell was Roger’s problem? John had done nothing wrong and he was being an arse.

He collected his suitcase from the boot, ignoring the sound of the car door opening and closing as he slammed the boot shut. It was fine, he didn’t need to see Roger for a few days at least. Maybe that would give him time to get over whatever mood he was in now.

“Wait,” Roger said from behind him. John ignored him, preparing to walk towards his flat. “Could I come in for a drink? I don’t fancy going back to mine yet.”

John shrugged. “If you want.”

Roger followed him into his flat. It was nice. But it was pretty basic. The band had helped John decorate when he first moved in. The previous owner had used wallpaper which had had a really garish pattern that made your eyes hurt if you looked at it for too long. So they helped him remove it, and given the walls a fresh coat of paint.

John’s furniture had given the flat a splash of colour at least.

John set his suitcase by the door of his room. He’d unpack after Roger left.

He looked at Roger, still standing in the hallway, watching John unsure. “Tea, coffee then?”

A smile was tugging at Roger’s lips as he replied. “Got anything a bit stronger?”

John raised his eyebrow. “Do you think that’s a good idea? With you driving?”

Roger shrugged defensively. “I can have the one.”

John rolled his eyes, reaching in the front of his suitcase to pull out the bottle of rum he’d brought home with him. “This is all I’ve got.”

“Perfect,” Roger said with a smile.

Roger moved into the living room to sit on the sofa whilst John went to get glasses from the kitchen. He brought two back in, bottle in hand. He poured them both a small glass and gave Roger’s his.

“Thanks,” he said, taking a sip. John said nothing, and Roger could tell he was put out by the way Roger was in the car. “Sorry if I was…being a bit short in the car.”

“It’s fine.” John said, but Roger knew he was probably just saying that.

“No, it’s not. I was just being grumpy from the…long drive back.”

“I did offer to swap—”

“I know, I know. But you know me. Stubborn.” Roger said, giving John a small smile. He smiled back, and Roger took that as him being forgiven.

o-o-o

 

The next couple of weeks flew by. They spent every waking moment in the studio, rehearsing for the upcoming tour. The evening was spent either at home if they finished too late, or at the pub. Reid had made it clear he expected everyone to be well rested, given how extensive the tour would be.

John managed to see Veronica a handful of times during those weeks, and things were going well. They usually just went for a drink or he would have dinners at his, or he at hers, as she didn’t live too far from him. But it was nice, _normal_. He wasn’t sure he was used to that. Being in a band was constant and busy, and it seemed he might have found something to keep him grounded.

They hadn’t hung out with the band yet. John didn’t think it had gotten to that stage. Even Brian still rarely brought Chrissie on nights out together.

The first place on their tour was Liverpool, where they were due to play for two nights. It went really well. John Reid was happy it was such a successful start to the tour. He gathered them into their dressing room where the band was cooling off. They’d all wrapped a towel around their neck, cool against their clammy skin as they sat and waited for Reid to explain why he’d gathered them together. Prenter was there too, a smile on his face.

“Right, I just wanted to say well done on a successful start of the tour. Tomorrow we obviously move onto Coventry, but for tonight, I’ve convinced _the Peppermint Lounge_ to host a massive bash for you to enjoy.” Reid said with a smile. He was stood by the side of the room, looking very pleased with himself. The Peppermint Lounge was one of the best nightclubs in town, so he knew it was a big deal. The others all returned his smile. “Obviously you will have to mingle with the press for a little while—”

He added, continuing on even when Freddie groaned at that. They all knew he liked to have a good time.

“But it will only be for half an hour max, and then you can go and mingle. Plus, word’s got out that you’ll all be there, and Prenter’s been down to have a look, and I’ve been told there’s quite a crowd.”

“I’m hoping that’s your way of saying that there are hot women there.” Roger said with a smile. He was only human.

Prenter rolled his eyes. “There’s enough there to keep even _you_ entertained, Taylor. Maybe even a spare few for John if you took pity on the poor bloke.”

John ignored him. He was used to ignoring his little digs. They all knew how Prenter swung, so he wasn’t sure why he felt the need to point out John’s failure at pulling women.

“Oh shut the fuck up, Prenter.” Roger spat as he stood, moving to the furthest point of the room, away from him. Paul genuinely seemed to think he was funny. He didn’t like it when he made digs like that at John, and he was still buzzed from the concert, so he wasn’t above violence if he made any more comments.

“He’s only jealous because he couldn’t get any action even if he tried. Whereas we don’t need to try.” Brian said with a shrug. Prenter never bothered him, but he didn’t like it when he made comments about John either. He seemed to think because he was the quieter member, he could get away with it. The band made sure that didn’t happen.

“On that note,” Reid said, raising his voice above all the tension suddenly in the room. “Go and enjoy. The night is young.”

Paul had provided a couple of security guards for the band as they headed off to the nightclub. Roger wasn’t too happy about that. He said nothing though, mostly because he didn’t want to waste time having an argument. They’d been given permission to go out and have fun and that’s exactly what he planned on doing.

They were all still buzzed from the gig, but that faded a little as they finished up talking to the press. Roger headed straight for the bar after they’d finished, needing the alcohol to keep himself energized. As much as he hated to admit it, Prenter was right about the women. The minute he slipped away from the band and headed for the bar, a group of them headed towards him and he welcomed them happily.

John didn’t mind the band going their separate ways after the press interview. It meant that he could disappear into the crowd a little easier. He didn’t mind fans coming up to him, but sometimes, it was just nice to unwind without people pawing over you. It was usually harder when he was with someone like Roger. Speaking of, John could see Roger sat in a booth, already amongst a crowd of women.

John rolled his eyes, heading towards the bar to order a pint. He wasn’t really in the mood to party. He’d head back to the hotel in a bit. He doubted the others would notice him gone.

Even noticing a woman sat not too far away staring at him didn’t manage to cheer him up. She was quite pretty, with long, dark hair and an honest smile. He could pretend he’d had more to drink than he actually had, he could buy her a drink, but he couldn’t be bothered to do either of those things.

He gave it half an hour and was just finishing his third or fourth drink when he felt an arm slip around his neck.

“Fancy seeing you here, Deaky.” Roger slurred besides John’s left ear. It hadn’t taken long for Roger to get drunk, or at least tipsy.

“Hello Roger.”

John sighed, turning to look at Roger. He was stood next to him, his arm still around his neck, a grin on his face, his eyes a little glazed over as he held onto a bottle of beer.

“I couldn’t bear seeing anymore of you sat miserable on your own, so I came to join you.”

“This is new,” John teased. “Roger Taylor leaving a horde of women to be with me. Are you feeling okay?”

Roger laughed in response, finding what John said somehow hilarious. “You’re funny, Deaky. I forgot how funny you are, you know.”

“I guess I’ll take the compliment, even if it comes from you being drunk.”

“I’m not drunk.” Roger insisted. Then he smiled. “Okay, maybe I am a bit. But only very, very slightly. So not much.”

“That was almost convincing.” John said with a smile.

“Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to join me and the girls over there?”

John should have guessed. So he wasn’t _really_ coming over to keep him company.

“I’ll pass. I’m going to head off in a minute.”

“Oh come on Deaky, don’t be boring,” Roger moaned. “There’s more than enough women waiting for the both of us. I’ll be happy to share.”

But John was already shaking his head. “I’m not interested.”

“Why, because you’re all loved up with Veronica now.” Roger huffed.

That was low. Not to mention Roger knew that wasn’t true. He’d not been with her that long. He just wasn’t in the mood to sit and watch Roger kissing women all night.

John downed the rest of his drink, shaking his head as he stood up. Roger’s arm fell from around his neck. “Goodnight Roger—”

“No wait Deaky. I didn’t mean it,” Roger backtracked quickly, grabbing his arm to stop him. “I’m just drunk, ignore me. But _please_ , will you come and join me? I can tell them to get lost if you want.”

John raised an eyebrow in response. “You’d do that for me?”

“Yeah of course I would.” Roger smiled, letting go of his arm now that he could see John wasn’t quite ready to up and go.

“Okay yeah. Tell them to leave.” John said, watching the smile slip from Roger’s face. He rolled his eyes. He was only teasing him. Even if he wanted it, he wouldn’t make Roger do that. He elbowed Roger’s arm softly. “I’m only joking. Come on then, introduce me to your fanbase.”

John was only going to stay for a little longer anyway. Or at least that was the plan. But every time John downed his drink, Roger begged him to stay longer, getting up before John could argue and buying him another drink. John wasn’t sure why Roger was so bothered. Roger was doing fine without him. Although now that John had had quite a bit of drink, he wasn’t doing too badly himself. He was sat in the middle of a couple, and one of them had their arm around his neck. The other was virtually sitting in his lap.

This wasn’t his scene though, not really. He’d give it another ten minutes or so, then make his excuses and get up before Roger could ply him with more drink.

“I’ve got an idea.” Roger said to the two women sat on either side of him.

One was tall and had short blonde hair that brushed against the back of her neck. It was wavy, and she had a slight side-fringe. She had high-cheekbones, and there was something a little masculine about her features, but she was still pretty in her own way. Not to mention she made up with her femininity by the short dress she had on. Roger thought she was called Linda or Lucy or something. She was playing idly with the buttons on his shirt.

The other had long wavy brown hair and was the same height as Roger. She was pretty too, with striking features and high cheekbones. She was called Melanie from what Roger could remember, and was starting to look a little bored. Hence, how he came up with his idea. They both looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

“Why don’t we play truth or dare?”

They both grinned.

“Sounds good to me.” The blonde—Linda—said.

“Sure,” the brunette—Melanie—shrugged.

Roger smiled, liking where this was going suddenly. “Okay. Which one of you is going to go first?”

They both turned to look at each other, moving forwards to lean over Roger so that Melanie could whisper something in Linda’s ear. Roger bit his lip in response, enjoying the view. They moved back and giggled, sharing a look before Linda turned to look back at Roger with a smile, her hand playing with the buttons on Roger’s shirt.

“We’d like you to go first.”

He shivered as she whispered in his ear. He nodded straight away. “Alright then. I want a dare though. I don’t see the point in chickening out by picking truth.”

“We was hoping you’d say that.” Melanie said, her eyes locked on Linda’s.

“We dare you to kiss your friend. Melanie here happens to think he’s gorgeous. Not to mention we think it’ll be hot to see the two of you getting it on.” Linda whispered into Roger’s ear, her hands brushing against the top of his chest, above where his shirt sat.

He was taken aback a little. Luckily he’d had enough alcohol to not overthink it too much. Plus, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about what kissing John might be like.

So he shrugged, keeping it casual. “Okay. If that’s what you girls want.”

He grinned at Melanie, leaning over to whisper in her ear. “Prepare to have your fantasies come alive, beautiful.”

She bit her lip in response, her cheeks flushing a little as she watched Roger stand up.

He moved around Linda, and asked one of the women with John to scoot over so he could sit next to him. She frowned, and John watched Roger, confusion obvious in his eyes. Roger seemed to be getting on alright, so why had he come over when John had just started to get somewhere himself?

Whatever the reason, John grew even more confused as Roger put his hand on his leg, and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“Will you do us a favour?”

John watched him carefully. “Depending on what it is.”

“Well things are going well for me over there.” Roger said with a smile and John fought to roll his eyes. Had he seriously come over just to say that? “I suggested playing truth or dare. To be honest, I suggested it to see if I could get them to kiss each other—”

That time John did roll his eyes and Roger stopped talking.

“Anyway, the point is that they asked me to go first. I chose dare obviously. And apparently Melanie—that’s the brunette one,” Roger clarified when he noticed John’s eyes trail behind him. “She thinks you’re gorgeous. So Linda dared me to kiss you.”

“What—” John pulled away to look at Roger, wondering if this was his idea of a prank. His expression was serious though. “You can’t be serious?”

“Come on mate, I’d do the same for you.” Roger shouted against the music. He leaned closer again so that John could hear him better. And reluctantly John let him. “Just one kiss, to put on a good show. They think it would be really hot if we kissed, Linda said so herself. In fact, I’ll even put in a good word for you with Melanie afterwards.”

“I don’t need you to do that for me, Roger,” John insisted flatly.

“I know you don’t, but I want to.”

John looked away from Roger’s smile. His eyes found Linda and Melanie again. They were both staring. Melanie smiled as he caught her eye.

So Roger was telling the truth. John felt a smidge of disappointment. He’d wondered if Roger had been using that as an excuse. But Roger wouldn’t do that. Roger didn’t like him like that. He never would. John also realised this might be the only time he’d get to kiss Roger, to see what that might be like, even if it was for the women’s benefit. There was a chance John would kiss him and realise he didn’t feel anything. It might have been harmless curiosity given that John had never been with a man before. He couldn’t lie and say he hadn’t wondered what it would be like to be with a man once or twice over the years.

Roger took John’s silence as uneasiness. “Look, if you really don’t feel comfortable doing it, then—”

“I’ll do it.” John said quickly.

Roger pulled back to look at him. He didn’t actually think he was going to get him to agree. “Really?”

John nodded, smiling at the way Roger’s face lit-up. John knew it was only because Roger wanted to make an impression on these women, but it still felt good to pretend that it was because Roger wanted to kiss him.

Roger grinned before turning to throw the women a wink, before turning to face John properly. He suddenly realised that even though he’d done this a million and one times with women, he had no idea how to start this when it came to John. His hand was still on John’s leg. He was watching Roger closely, expecting him to make the first move.

Roger took a deep breath and sat himself closer so that their legs touched. He pressed a hand to John’s cheek. John’s eyes shuttered closed for a second. He tucked a strand of hair behind John’s ear and moved forwards, watching his face for hesitation. Roger was surprised to fine none. With that, Roger leaned in quickly, smashing his lips against John’s.

It was much better than he expected. He felt as if he was burning from the inside, and his heart sped as John kissed him back, shyly at first. He gasped into John’s mouth as John’s hands pressed to his hips, pulling Roger closer still. Roger forgot everything as their kisses grew deeper, forgot about the women watching, forgot even where they were. All he could focus on was John. The way his hands burned into the material of his shirt, how their bodies were pushed together just so, and the way John’s tongue pressed against his, making him feel dizzy with desire.

John couldn’t believe this was happening. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined that kissing Roger would feel _this_ good. He felt as if his whole body was on fire and his head spun at the closeness of their bodies. He’d never felt this intensity kissing a woman. He felt as if he was being swallowed whole with an all-consuming desire, and all he could think was that he wanted _more_. One of his hands moved to the back of Roger’s hair, pulling softly as their kisses grew firmer and more confident, and Roger had to swallow back a moan in response.

Somebody cleared their throat from behind Roger. It was only as he heard giggling that he suddenly realised where he was. His mind felt foggy and it took all it had in him to pull away.

John’s hand fell from Roger’s hair, and his eyes slowly opened, meeting Roger’s.

He saw the same desire reflected in John’s eyes. He was biting his lip, the same one Roger’s tongue had brushed against seconds earlier. It took everything not to take hold of John’s face and kiss him again.

Instead he closed his eyes, trying to control his breathing, before moving back from John. He painted on a smile, glancing back at the two women to find them giggling.

The two women who had been sat with John had left whilst they’d been kissing at some point, but Roger couldn’t say he’d noticed.

John was sure that Roger had been just as into that kiss, but it was obvious the minute he pulled away that it had been just for show. He smiled as Melanie and Linda moved to sit on either side of them, trying to pretend that it didn’t hurt. He acted nonchalant as Linda pulled Roger in for a kiss, turning his attention instead to Melanie as she put her hand on his leg, and pressed her mouth to his ear, asking to kiss him.

He nodded before he could think up an excuse. If she’d have asked any other time, he’d have probably said no.

If he was being honest, he felt more than a little _frustrated_ after his kiss with Roger, and he had a willing partner, who clearly wanted to do more than just kiss by the way her hand was sliding higher against his leg. They kissed for ages, until she obviously became bored with doing just that. She climbed onto his lap, her hands in his hair. He responded by digging his fingers into her hips.

The foursome headed back to the hotel, both parties disappearing into Roger and John’s rooms.

Roger’s head was still clouded with desire and numb from all the alcohol as Linda pushed him through the door, and they undressed on the way to his bed, before Linda pushed him down onto it. Their clothes lay forgotten about somewhere in the room as his mouth found hers and she moved over him. He kissed her roughly as his fingers clawed at her underwear, shoving them down her legs. They barely bothered with the foreplay. That suited him just fine. As soon as she was ready, he reached for a condom, an image of somebody else in his mind as he took her roughly.

Melanie was more desperate than John was in getting their clothes off. She clawed at his shirt, and then at his belt, and his jeans, as he absentmindedly pulled at her dress. She didn’t seem to mind. She took the lead, following him down onto the bed, her thighs on either side of his hips as her hand slipped beneath the waistband of his underwear. He closed his eyes as her lips brushed his, and her hand wrapped around _him_ , picturing it was somebody else’s touch instead.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! First of all, let me apologize for updating two days late with this chapter but I wanted to make sure I got it right before I posted. Let me know what you think of it, and I hope it was worth the wait. I couldn't wait to share this chapter for obvious reasons. Finally we get a kiss, yay! Haha. :) I shall try and update on time next week, but can't promise anything as I have my driving test next week. Argh?! But it's my birthday on Thursday so that's something to look forward to. Until next time...


	6. Under Pressure

Roger had an almighty hangover in the morning. His head ached and he felt like he was going to throw up the minute he opened his eyes.

Linda was still there. She was asleep next to him.

He sighed in response. He wished she’d have just slipped out in the middle of the night, but they’d both been tired after having sex…several times. Even still, he disliked awkward encounters with women the morning after. Especially as this was bound to be even more _awkward_.

Roger had been aroused by the kiss he’d shared with John, despite his hesitancy to admit that. He’d brought Linda back to his room and imagined rougher hands grabbing at his belt, longer hair to pull as he’d entered her, and a deeper voice moaning his name. it worked, so much so that they had sex three times in the space of two hours. But then he slipped up the last time, his eyes squeezed shut, his mouth at her ear as Roger pictured taking him from behind.

 _John_.

He’d said his name. Scratch that, moaned it, and loudly. He knew from her face that she’d heard it. But he didn’t want to talk about it. Especially not with some random woman. So he pretended to fall asleep straight afterwards until he heard her steady breathing. Then he laid there, wondering what the bloody hell he was going to do for most of the night.

He headed for the bathroom, enjoying the hot spray of the shower. It woke him up and made him feel semi-human again. He still had a headache, a heavy reminder of the night before.

He wrapped a towel around his waist and headed back into the bedroom, before freezing in the doorway.

“Hi,” Linda smiled shyly.

She was sat up, the duvet pulled around her and her blonde hair splayed around her neck like a messy halo. She was watching him closely and he dropped his eyes quickly, feeling judged.

“Morning,” he replied as he pulled fresh clothes out from his suitcase by the side of the room.

“How are you feeling?”

He didn’t turn around as he sat on the edge of the bed, dropping his towel and starting to dress. “Honestly? Like I’ve been runover several times.”

She laughed quietly from behind him. “Yeah same.”

He pulled on his underwear and his jeans, trying to think of something to say. Perhaps now would be the time to have ‘the talk’. He was used to that by now.

“Listen, about last night,” she said before he could.

“Yeah look,” he started with a sigh. “We had fun last night, and I really enjoyed it, but I’m not looking for anything serious.”

She snorted from behind him. “I’ll say.”

 He tensed as he reached for his shirt. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You do remember last night, right? I know we were both a little drunk, but I still clearly remember the details. The incredible sex—”

He smiled a little despite himself. “I’ll give it to you, it was pretty incredible but even still—”

“And you casually moaning your best friend’s name whilst you came.”

There it was. She said it so simply, so matter of fact, and it instantly made Roger feel uncomfortable. He stood up, running his hand through his wet hair as he put his shirt on.

“It didn’t mean anything.” He said quietly. He cleared his throat and spoke louder, trying to sound more convincing. “It _didn’t_. It was just in the heat of the moment. I was that far gone I could have shouted anybody’s bloody name. Hell, even Freddie.”

It sounded more like a joke in his head. But when it came out, it sounded a little desperate.

He sighed heavily.

“Look whatever you think…I’m telling you it doesn’t matter. And I’d rather not talk about it.”

He forced himself to turn around. She was watching him closely. He fought not to blush as she stared, clearly trying to work him out.

“Except it does. Whatever you might say, shouting your best friend’s name in bed is kind of a big deal.”

“No it isn’t!”

He took a deep breath, trying not to lose his temper. He didn’t have time to convince her that it didn’t mean anything, let alone himself.

But she beat him to it, shrugging in response. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. But if you change your mind then…I’m happy to listen. I promise I wouldn’t say anything.”

He shrugged in response, dropping his gaze as he tidied his things into his suitcase.

“And I’ve already told you it doesn’t matter. There’s nothing to say. It was a slip of the tongue. I have been spending a lot of time with him lately, more so than normal. Not to mention I was drunk. I’m sure it was just all of those reasons mixed together.”

She nodded. He could tell she didn’t believe him, but what did it matter? He wouldn’t see her again.

John woke in the room next door. He could hear the shower, telling him that Melanie was still here. He hadn’t drank as much as Roger, so he knew the feeling in the pit of his stomach was due to Melanie still being there. They’d had a good night, but he’d almost wished she’d have snuck out after they slept together.

He sat up in bed, realising suddenly that the shower had stopped. A second later, Melanie reappeared, a towel wrapped around her and her hair damp against her shoulders.

She gave him a smile. “Morning.”

He cleared his throat but his voice still came out as slightly raspy. “Morning.”

She bit her bottom lip as she moved over to the bed, her fingers brushing against the duvet. “I don’t suppose you fancy another round?”

He flushed a little at her question. “Better not. We have to leave in…” he grabbed his watch from the bedside table, and then sat up further, letting the duvet drop to his waist. “In just under an hour. I’d better get moving.”

It wasn’t like him to be late, and he imagined Brian would kill him if he held the band up for leaving for the next city on their tour.

His cheeks reddened further as he realised he was still naked, with Melanie still watching him closely. He reached for his underwear, avoiding her eyes as he pulled them on.

“Are you sure I can’t change your mind?”

By the time he looked up, her towel laid forgotten about on the hotel room floor and Melanie wore nothing but a sheepish smile at his expression.

Roger headed down to breakfast with Linda in tow. He’d promised to let her tag along to the band’s breakfast on the basis that she said nothing else about last night. Brian and Freddie were already there, buttering a couple of slices of toast, and helping themselves to a cup of tea. He frowned, noticing John wasn’t there. John was usually the first of them to get up. He hated being late to anything.

“Where’s John?”

Brian shrugged. “I don’t know. I was just as surprised as you are to find that he wasn’t down yet.”

Freddie smiled at Linda. “Who’s your friend dear?”

“Oh yeah,” Roger said sheepishly. He’d almost forgotten Linda was next to him as they both took a seat opposite Freddie and Brian. “This is Linda. Linda, this is Freddie and Brian.”

They all said hello as the waitress came round again. Roger ordered a fry-up and helped himself to a slice of toast. Linda ordered a poached egg on toast.

“So, I assume you two had a good night then?” Brian asked with a smile. Roger did invite women to breakfast occasionally, but it was still rare. He usually slept with them, and did a moonlight flit straight after, or expected them to.

“I certainly did.” Linda said with a smile. She glanced at Roger, who had his arm on the back of her chair. He forced a smile, but it froze as she laid her hand on his leg. What was she playing at?

Brian raised an eyebrow in response.

“Ugh please stop dears. I’d rather not be sick on my breakfast.” Freddie teased.

Brian pulled a face. “Delightful talk at the dinner table as always, Freddie.”

“Well you should blame these two for being so loved-up.”

“We’re _not_ loved-up. We only met last bloody night.” Roger said quickly with a roll of his eyes. Then he grinned, deciding to play along a little. “Besides, you’re only jealous.”

Freddie snorted as he sipped on his tea. “You wish I was, darling.”

“In your dreams, Fred.”

“Trust me, you talk in your sleep, Rog. So in yours.”

“Children please.” Brian said with a sigh.

Linda watched them joking amongst each other with a smile. Her smile dropped a little as John suddenly appeared at their table.

He sat next to Roger. Melanie took the only available seat, opposite John. Roger noticed that John’s cheeks were flushed and Melanie’s hair was a little messy. He frowned again. It wasn’t difficult to work out _why_ John had been late. Melanie and John shared a smile, and suddenly Roger didn’t feel very hungry. He pushed away his plate, ignoring Linda’s gaze.

Brian and Freddie looked between Melanie and John as John quietly bid them a good morning, shock evident on their faces. John bringing a woman to breakfast was even rarer than Roger doing so.

“Morning. And who’s _your_ friend, Deaky?” Freddie asked, curiosity and teasing evident in his voice.

“This is Melanie.” He smiled, reaching out to grab a slice of toast. He ordered himself a fry-up as the waitress came back round, and so did Melanie.

“So John was saying you’re in Coventry next,” Melanie said politely.

“That’s right, dear—”

“But we won’t be coming back to Liverpool anytime soon, not on this tour anyway.” Roger had spoken before he realised. He thought he’d said it in his head, until they all turned to look at him. Brian, Freddie and John all seemed surprised at the bitterness in his tone. He dropped his gaze, pouring himself a cup of tea from the pot instead. He preferred coffee, but he didn’t feel the need to be that fussy.

“Oh,” Melanie said, her smile dropping from her face. “That’s a shame.”

John wondered if he looked as uncomfortable as he felt. Maybe offering her breakfast afterwards wasn’t his best idea, but he felt he should given their activities this morning…

“Where’s the management this morning anyway?” Roger said, clearing his throat nervously.

“They’ve gone to pack up everything from the theatre,” Brian spoke. “They wanted to make sure we were on the road as soon as possible. We have rehearsals this afternoon.”

Roger nodded, eyes dropping to the table. He was glad when breakfast was over. Not that he really touched his food. He kept catching Melanie giving John a flirty look, and he lost his appetite once more.

What was worst was that he was driving himself mad trying to forget about last night. It was like the more he fought it, the more he couldn’t. Every time John shared a smile with Melanie, he kept thinking of the way those lips had been pressed against his.

In the end, he excused himself from the table, practically lurching his chair back as he mumbled an excuse about needing to finish packing. He felt bad for walking out on Linda, but he had to get away before he did something in a temper. This was his _friend_ , he couldn’t be thinking like that about him.

He’d virtually finished packing when he heard a knock at his door.

“Give me a minute.” He grumbled.

He put the last of his tops in his suitcase and zipped it up before moving to open the door. He frowned guiltily when he saw Linda standing there, eyes wide.

“Look, I know I owe you an apology for storming out like that but I had to get away. If I didn’t, I’d end up saying something I regretted. You saw the way they were—”

“Do you really think this is the best place to be standing here talking about this?”

He frowned, realising she was right. He opened the door wider for her to come in and closed it behind her. He ran a hand through his hair. “Look, not that I don’t appreciate your concern in coming here and making sure I’m okay, I think I’ve made it pretty clear how I feel. I don’t intend on seeing you again, so…there’s the door.”

“Wow. It’s a shame you’re such a cold-hearted arsehole given how good you are in bed.” She huffed as she wrapped her arms against her chest. She rolled her eyes at his expression. “You’ve already made your feelings clear. Not that you had to. I could have guessed where I stood the minute you shouted out a man’s name in bed.”

“Look if you’re worried because I had my hand on your leg during breakfast then don’t be. I was just teasing you. Like you said we had a good night. Besides, I was doing you a favour. Your friends wouldn’t have had a clue that anything was wrong , thanks to me. You on the other hand, made your feelings very clear every time those two so much as stared at each other from across the table.”

“That’s why I walked off. Trust me, it was better that then what I wanted to do.”

She rolled her eyes as he sat down on the edge of his bed. “The way you’re acting isn’t good for anyone, especially the band. Not to mention that it’s not going to take Brian and Freddie long to notice that something’s wrong. That’s if they’ve not already.”

Now he was even more confused. “So what am I supposed to do exactly?”

“Really?” She groaned. “What would you do if you liked a woman, but she happened to be your best friend? Would you sleep with her anyway or would you resist telling her, watching as she eventually met someone else, and wonder what if?”

He knew the answer to that from past experience. He’d had a friend in college who he’d developed feelings for. He resisted them at first, until they’d gotten drunk and she told him that she felt the same way. So they’d slept together, thinking that it could lead into something good. She liked him even more afterwards, but he realised it had been lust. Needless to say, their friendship had ended because of it. He was ashamed to say it, but he broke her heart.

“I’ve been there, done that. I already chose the first one.”

“Right. There you go then.”

“Except I can’t do that in this situation.” He sighed heavily. She didn’t seem to _really_ understand.

“Why can’t you? You both have penises, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but—” he paused for a moment. If this wasn’t so serious, he might have smiled at the way she’d worded that. Straight to the point. Then he flushed at what he was about to say. “For one thing, I’ve never actually…slept with a man before.”

She shrugged in response. “So? I assume it’s vaguely the same way in sleeping with a woman. Except of course that you’ve both got—”

“I’m not worried about what it entails,” he said quickly before she could finish that sentence. “It’s just that it’ll be… _different_ with him. I mean, it’s John, it’s Deaky. We’ve known each other for years. What if this is just curiosity about what it would be like to be with a man? What if I sleep with him and that’s it? I got it out of my system and I ruin our friendship. It’s what happened before. I can’t take the chance like that. Not with Deaky.”

“And of course there’s always the chance that he might not feel the same.”

“Exactly.”

“The first one would be easy to find out. If you’re worried you’re just curious, sleep with a man and find out.” She said with a shrug. “You’re a very good-looking man. I’m sure you’ll have offers.”

Roger smiled despite himself. Whatever he was feeling, he was still a red-blooded male and it was good to hear her say it. Truth be told, he’d had offers from men before. Usually on nights out with Freddie. He exuberated those sort of signals, and men were naturally drawn to him. They seemed to assume Roger might have swayed that way too.

Roger knew John at least interested men. He’d seen men checking him out on a night out. Why would they not? Roger wasn’t blind, even before all of this confusion started between them. John was good-looking. He had this whole androgynous look going on and it suited him. With his long hair, his high cheekbones and his pretty smile. He didn’t think men could be pretty until he’d seen John.  Roger remembered the first time he’d seen John with make-up on. That only accentuated his beauty even further.

But as far as Roger knew, John had never acted on it.

“You seem to be assuming one thing too. Should he feel the same way and things go further, that you’d be the one to hurt him. Who’s to say he wouldn’t be the one to break your heart? Maybe he’s thinking the same way as you. The only way to find out would be to talk to him. But it would also mean telling him how you feel.”

Roger nodded. “Right.”

Just talking about the idea of telling John all of this made his head spin.

She stepped forwards, giving him a sympathetic smile as she pressed a hand to his arm. “Whatever happens, at least you’ll know for certain. But you can’t carry on like this, flying off the handle every time you see John with another woman, otherwise it’ll be obvious what the problem is anyway.”

She was right and he knew it. Whatever this was between them, it needed sorting.

o-o-o

 

Roger didn’t manage to find time to talk to John over the next week. If they weren’t at a gig, they were at some after-party where they had to sit and talk to press, or to ‘mingle’ as a band as Paul bloody Prenter put it. Then it was straight back to the hotel and moving onto a different city come the morning. It seemed that every time he plucked up the courage to speak to him, somebody interrupted or John was busy tuning his guitar, or writing new songs on the tour bus.

In all fairness that was what Roger was supposed to be doing. He’d attempted to write some lyrics down, but he found himself staring at Deaky instead. He watched as he concentrated, his tongue sticking out a little, pen in hand as he scribbled something down in his notebook. Roger thought he looked rather…adorable actually.

Before they knew it, it was the end of November and the band were back in London. Which meant that they could all stay back at their own homes for nine days before they moved onto the next city.

It also meant that John would be able to see Veronica. Roger almost dreaded that more than the idea of talking to John.

They did five gigs in London, all which went well. Roger loved being on stage, and London always had more of a buzz than other UK cities.

They met up at the pub the day after the last gig in London. They had three nights off then they were due in Wolverhampton.

Roger had been looking forward to a few days off. He hoped it would mean he could finally find time to talk to John.

Brian, Freddie and John were already there by the time Roger got there. He’d spent the last half an hour either staring at himself in the mirror to make sure he looked alright, or changing his mind on what to wear. He suddenly wished he’d never bothered when he saw who was sat next to John in the booth.

Freddie was sat next to Brian, who had his arm around Chrissie. Next to her was Veronica who had her hand on John’s leg. It was the first time he’d seen them together and he already felt as if he’d been punched in the gut. Luckily, nobody seemed to notice.

He stumbled on the leg of the table, almost falling into the booth as he sat next to John. It was unlike him to be clumsy.

“You been on the vodka already Rog, darling?” Freddie asked him merrily. Roger could tell he certainly had.

“Only a little.” He pretended to grin. Brian rolled his eyes in response. “Oh don’t give me that look Brian, we have a few days off. We can afford to bloody live a little.”

“Yeah alright, fair enough.” Brian said with a smile.

“Right then. Who’s up for another drink?”

Roger brought the next round in, and then ordered a couple of shots for them each too. If they’d thought he’d already been drinking then it would be easy for them to believe this was the sort of thing he’d do. He had a cigarette and downed two more shots whilst he was there in the hope that it would dull his nerves.

He brought across everyone’s drinks, handing everyone their two shots, and setting aside his pint and two shots.

“Really Rog? Shots already?” John groaned.

“You do realise we intended coming t the pub for a quiet drink rather than to get drunk?” Brian added.

“And do you realise that the two of you sound like total fucking bores?” Freddie interjected with a roll of his eyes. He looked back to Roger, raising his shot glass with a smile. “Cheers darling.”

“That’s more like it, Fred.” Roger grinned, raising his own shot glass and clinking it with Freddie’s. they both downed it and then winched a little at the aftertaste.

“Now come on. Everyone else’s turn!” Freddie said to everyone else around the table.

They all did their two shots in one go, getting it over and done with and keeping Roger and Freddie happy.

Veronica pulled a face, making John laugh besides her. He remembered her telling him she wasn’t too keen on vodka. “I think it’s safe to say that I’m still not too keen on vodka. Rum on the other hand…”

Her hand pressed to his leg and John smiled in response.

“That’s funny. John likes rum too.” Roger interrupted, enjoying the way their eyes shot up to look at him. “He had a bottle stashed away whilst we were recording our last album. We had quite a bit during one night when we were away, didn’t we? It was quite a good night from what I can remember.”

John snorted in disagreement. “You insulted my choice of music from what I remember.”

“Yeah, but you’d be worried if I was too complimentary on the music you like.”

“I guess that’s true,” John smiled.

“You was drinking rum on that night out after our gig in Liverpool too, weren’t you?” Roger said before he could stop himself. He’d had quite a bit to drink already and it had gone to his head. He felt a little bad when John’s smile dropped a little though. If he was being honest, he wanted to drop John in it a little bit, without giving away how they’d kissed or John had slept with someone else. Not that it was a big deal. Freddie cheated on Mary, Brian cheated on Chrissie, and it had always been an unspoken rule between them. What happens on tour, stays on tour. But Roger was drunk and frustrated at seeing the two of them together. “Now _that_ was a good night.”

“Really?” Veronica smiled, looking between John and Roger.

John shrugged. “I don’t remember much of it to be honest, so it can’t have been that good.”

“Oh it was.”

“As much as I hate to be the voice of reason,” Brian said carefully, getting everyone’s attention. “We still have rehearsals over the next couple of days so we can’t afford to get too drunk. I doubt John Reid would be too pleased if we’re all stumbling about with a hangover. Or Paul for that matter.”

“Oh, it’s only a few bloody drinks, Brian.” Roger said with a sigh. “Besides, I couldn’t give a toss what Prenter thinks.”

“And that’s exactly the kind of talk that would get us all in trouble.”

“So?” Roger shrugged. “Just blame me, Bri. We all know Prenter is as keen on me as I am on him. Or here’s a better idea. Get Freddie to smooth things over. We all know Prenter is like a dog with a bone when it comes to Freddie.”

“Watch it Rog,” Freddie warned carefully.

“Well on that note…cheers everyone.” Brian said, changing the subject as he held his pint glass up.

“Cheers!” Roger grinned, holding up his glass too.

He’d drank almost half of it in the time the others had taken a sip.

John raised his eyebrows in response, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t feel it was his place.

Roger had a few more drinks and then headed outside to clear his head and have a cigarette.

The others had had a few drinks too by now and it seemed the more John and Veronica drank, the more she was all over him. She was practically in his lap after the fifth drink, and he couldn’t stand watching any more.

He didn’t expect John to follow him. He thought he’d have been far too busy, cosying up to Veronica.

“Hey,” John said softly, lighting up a cigarette too.

“Alright.” Roger grumbled. He knew none of this was John’s fault, but he couldn’t stop himself from being bitter.

“So are you going to tell me what’s wrong or are you going to spend the rest of the evening throwing out more passive-aggressive comments?” John asked calmly.

Roger was still a little surprised John had said it so matter-of-factly though.

John hadn’t wanted to say anything, he’d knew it wasn’t his place. But Roger was his friend, and he’d been different ever since they’d gotten back to London. Actually no, scrap that. He’d been different ever since they’d kissed. Then Roger had brought up that night in front of Veronica and he didn’t know why. It didn’t have to be a big deal. It was one kiss, so why couldn’t Roger just forget it had happened?

Roger ducked his head, taking a long inhale of his cigarette. “I’m fine.”

John snorted. Roger had never been a very good liar. Not with John anyway. “Sure you are.”

“I’m just tired. Not to mention I’ve had a drink. You know how I get when I’m in one of my moods.”

“That was almost convincing. Try again.”

Roger sighed in response. Why did he always find it so hard to lie to John? And why did he seem to see through him?

“Okay, fine. I’m just a bit…jealous. Of what you and Brian have. I know I don’t act like it on tour, but I actually would find someone who I connect with.”

John nodded, and Roger thought he’d finally managed to convince him. But then he smiled and shook his head. “Nice try, Rog. But you love the lifestyle too much to really want to settle down.”

Roger huffed, almost insulted by that. “I might surprise you all one day.”

“We’ll see.”

He sighed in response, knowing that John was waiting for him to say something. The drink was still making his head woozy in the evening chill, and he pulled his jacket round him tighter.

“Look, can we just forget about it? I’m fine.”

“No,” said John simply. He didn’t like seeing Roger like this. “Whatever it is it can’t be that bad.”

Roger looked up to see John watching him closely, worry evident in his eyes. It was sweet that he cared enough to come outside to see if Roger as alright. But how would he even find the words to tell John how he felt when he wasn’t even sure himself?

John thought he might make it easier for Roger. He had a feeling he knew what this might be about.

“If it’s about that… _night_ ,” John said, dropping his gaze as he inhaled his cigarette. He could feel his face growing warmer. “I made Melanie promise not to tell anyone. So you don’t need to worry.”

Roger didn’t know what to say. Did John think he was ashamed of that night? Was John ashamed?

“Linda, she err…promised the same.”

“There you go then.” John said as if that solved the matter. “Nobody else need know. It was only a stupid dare anyway.”

“Yeah, stupid.” Roger half-heartedly agreed.

“Let’s just forget it then, yeah?”

Roger swallowed heavily, but forced a nod. “Okay.”

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Poor Roger! :( I promise the next few chapters will start to see John realising why Roger's been behaving like he has. The next chapter is pretty interesting, that's all I'll say haha. Btw, I passed my driving test today, yay! So I'm having a couple of glasses of prosecco to celebrate, whilst writing Queen fanfiction, and watching Bohemian Rhapsody for the fifth or sixth time because it's my birthday tomorrow. As Freddie would probably say 'Celebrating in style darling!' hehe.


	7. Breakthru

Roger tried desperately to forget. He really did.

He threw himself into the tour. He spent the time writing songs, even when most of it was about how he was feeling, or playing his drums until he made his hands bleed. Freddie had even asked if he was alright after a particular aggressive rehearsal.

“I’m fine,” he grumbled, reaching for his packet of cigarettes and lighting one. He’d been smoking a lot recently. Every time he found himself looking at John, usually when he was playing bass, doing that thing he did when he concentrated, his tongue pressed between his lips, he would reach for a cigarette to calm himself down.

“Are you sure, Rog? Because on that last drum solo, I thought your drumsticks were going to fly out of your hands, you was using them so roughly—”

“I said I’m fine, Fred!”

He walked away before he said something he regretted. None of this was Freddie’s fault after all.

“Fuck, I think somebody needs to get laid dear!”

Roger ignored Freddie, even though he might have been onto something there. Roger hadn’t brought anyone home since that night. Roger told himself it was because he was too tired from the gigs, and not at all because of his kiss with John. Perhaps he needed to listen to Freddie’s advice though. He couldn’t seem to get that night out of his head, and he could do with letting off some steam on something other than his drums.

Being around John so much wasn’t helping the situation.

So Roger drank instead. It was either that or fuck women and he was in no mood to do the latter.

There was every opportunity over the next few weeks to do that. Every gig was followed by an after-party and Roger drank until he could barely stand or the room spun, whichever came first.

The others were getting fed-up with his behaviour though. He could tell.

John Reid had already warned Roger that he needed to be more careful. He could get drunk all he wanted as long as he didn’t keep making a fool of himself in front of the press. But Roger couldn’t give a toss what he thought. He wanted the numbness that alcohol could give him. That way he didn’t have to feel anything.

Freddie and Brian would let Roger drink to a certain point, before Freddie would roll his eyes and pull Brian away from whatever company he had that night, and make him help get Roger home safe. Roger would usually pass out fully clothed on his bed. Freddie would take his shoes off and turn him on his side, so that he didn’t choke on his own vomit. And Brian would put aside a glass of water and left a bowl next to his bed.

But it was worse for others.

John wasn’t sure what had gotten into him, but he wasn’t sure what else he could do. He let Freddie and Brian handle Roger, given that he’d already tried to talk to him. They’d already agreed to put that night behind them, and yet Roger seemed to be spiralling. John hated seeing him like this, but how he could he help his friend when he didn’t know what was wrong with Roger in the first place?

He was getting worried that the way Roger was behaving might jeopardize his place in the band. He knew John Reid had already warned Roger to tone it down, and they’d all noticed that the press had seen how drunk Roger had been getting at all these after-parties. He was starting to get a reputation, especially with the hordes of women that he had around him. He knew the latter was all for show though, as Brian and Freddie had both said that Roger was always too drunk to take any women home, but the press didn’t know that.

Even when John Reid threatened to have Roger driven home after every gig each night, it still didn’t seem to make a difference.

John didn’t want that to happen. He didn’t want Roger to miss out but he needed to sort out what the hell was going on with him right now.

It all came to a head on Christmas eve. They had their last gig before the new year.

They would have a month off and then they would travel to America to begin the tour over there. They all wanted to make this last gig as good as it could be, so they’d been rehearsing virtually non-stop. That would have been fine, but Roger was still abusing his drums. He’d had to bandage his hands for a while, because he was hitting them so hard.

The band all got ready together in the same dressing room like normal. Except there seemed to be more tension than normal tonight.

It didn’t help that John had invited Veronica backstage. John had asked everyone if it was okay first and Freddie and Brian had both said yes immediately. Roger hadn’t said anything, but then John was used to him suddenly being in one of his moods. Apparently, Veronica had wanted to watch the band as she’d never seen them play, and so John invited her to hang out with everyone too.

Roger sat as far away from John and Veronica as the dressing room would allow, doing his make-up quietly in front of the mirror.

Veronica was sat by the side of the room on one of the sofa’s, John’s arm behind her. He’d already done his make-up, he’d gotten Freddie to do his first as his usually took the longest.

“So are you all excited for the show tonight?” Veronica asked with a smile as she watched Brian sat tuning his guitar and Freddie pacing the room, doing his vocal warm-ups.

Roger looked at her from in the mirror, frowning as he noticed the closeness of her and John. She was so smiley too. Roger thought she tried too hard personally.

“Yeah definitely. I’m excited that you’re going to be watching us tonight.” John replied with a grin.

“I am too.”

Brian nodded his response, but kept quiet. He could get a little nervous sometimes, especially when he knew it was going to be their last gig in a while.

“Well I am very excited darling, especially as you’ve not had the pleasure to watch us yet.” Freddie grinned, stopping his vocal warm-ups for a moment as he turned to look at her. “We’re going to be absolutely _fabulous_!”

She laughed at him in response. She seemed to really like Freddie, but then that wasn’t so hard to believe. Everybody liked Freddie. It was impossible not to.

“That, I can believe, Freddie.”

Roger still didn’t seem to like her. She couldn’t figure out why. She’d tried to be nice to everyone, and Brian and Freddie didn’t seem to mind her. But she wanted to get along with Roger too, more-so with him actually. She knew by the way John spoke about him that him and Roger were very close. It was because of that that she wanted to get along with him, even if it was just for John’s sake.

So she tried again.

“What about you Roger? Do you get nervous at all before gigs?”

She’d never spoken to him directly before, which was fine by him. So even though she said his name, it took him a minute to realise she’d actually been speaking to him.

He shrugged, not looking her way as he finished putting on his mascara. “No.”

It came out cold and she nodded, her smile dropping as she looked away. John glared at Roger’s back. What was wrong with him? She was only trying to be nice.

Roger put down the mascara and moved from his chair.

“I’m going to warm up in the hallway.” Roger grumbled, keeping his eyes on the floor as he opened the door and slammed it behind him.

“Oh great,” Brian sighed heavily, slumping back against his chair. “Tonight’s gig is going to be another fun one if he’s going to be in _that_ mood again.”

“Well, at least he’s out there for now. I don’t want him ruining my pre-show buzz.” Freddie added with a shrug.

John squeezed Veronica’s shoulder as he moved to stand up, mumbling that he’d be back before he headed into the hallway too. Roger could speak to him however he liked, but it wasn’t fair taking out whatever this was on Veronica. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Not to mention that he’d finally had enough of Roger lashing out at everyone.

Roger was stood to the side, looking as fed-up as he had in the dressing room. He rolled his eyes at John as he lit a cigarette, quickly looking away, as he muttered a “don’t start,” as way of a warning.

“Right. What’s your bloody problem?”

Roger didn’t reply, he didn’t even bother looking at him as he took a drag of his cigarette.

“She was only trying to be nice, yet it was like you couldn’t be arsed to even try and be polite.”

“Maybe that’s because I didn’t want to be polite to her. She’s _your_ girlfriend. I don’t know why she’s trying so hard to fit in.”

“Because she’s nice? Why is it so hard for you just to be nice back?”

“I shouldn’t have to! You don’t see anybody else bringing their birds backstage before a show. Or is she the new Yoko-Ono or something?” Roger huffed, breathing in the smoke from his cigarette like his life depended on it.

“Oh for god’s sake Roger, you sound like a petulant child!” John said angrily, before quickly going quiet as a group of roadies headed past him. He forced a smile as they looked at him and Roger.

He didn’t want to get angry with Roger, but he was making it difficult not to.

“Maybe you’re getting so angry because it’s true.” Roger sniped, turning to look at John. He almost faltered at the look John was giving him. “She shouldn’t even be here! Nobody wants her here.”

“I want her here!” He hated shouting at anyone, particularly not Roger, but he’d had enough of Roger being in one of his moods. “I honestly can’t believe how rude you’re being, Roger. Nobody else had a problem with her being here. She’s never seen us on stage so I thought it would be nice if she came and watched us, not that I need to explain myself to you. And I still don’t understand what your problem is with her.”

“My problem is that she’s not part of the band, so she has no right in being with us before the show!”

“If you felt like that Roger, all you had to do was say.”

He looked round in shock. He’d been so focused on arguing with John that he hadn’t noticed the dressing room door open. Veronica was perched in the doorway, and he felt a little guilty to see she looked upset. Not that he understood why, given that his opinion on her shouldn’t make any difference, or at least Roger didn’t think so.

Behind her stood Brian and Freddie, who both looked a little shocked and angry at Roger’s outburst.

Brian spoke first, his voice calm. “I’m sorry Roger, but even if you felt that way, she’s John’s guest, so you should treat her with respect. Besides, it’s not like she’s doing any harm by being back here with us tonight.”

“He’s right,” Freddie agreed quietly. “It’s not like she’s here all the time, and it’s Christmas eve! We shouldn’t be arguing like this.”

“And yet we are,” John said quietly from besides Veronica, his eyes on Roger’s face.

Roger dropped his gaze, taking another long drag of his cigarette and biting his lip in response. He couldn’t wait until tonight’s gig was over. He was desperate for a drink already.

Just then, Paul came around the corner, surprise evident on his face when he saw they were all stood in the hallway.

“Everything alright, guys?”

“Oh sod off, Prenter!” Roger hissed, his anger bubbling over again at the sight of him. He headed for the nearest exit, which just so happened to be the fire exit, slamming the door open before he could say or do something he regretted.

The show was awful.

John was gutted as he wanted to put on a good show as he knew Veronica was watching them.

The tension between them all bubbled over on stage, so that even Freddie’s charismatic charm couldn’t save them. Even when John turned to make sure him and Roger were in sync early in the evening, Roger wouldn’t even look at him. He didn’t get it. What was Roger’s problem?

When the show was over, Roger all but flew from the stage. He hated all of this. He just wanted to go home and drown his sorrows so that Christmas went by in a drunken blur. But John Reid insisted that they all go to the after-party and to be on their best behaviour, at least until the press went home. He’d promised that once that happened, they could all go and have a good time, and even better for Roger, they could get as drunk as they wanted.

As soon as the press had left, John headed over to the bar to go and see Veronica. She’d been sat waiting for him, and it gave him an excuse to escape. Roger was still barely talking to any of them, and he hated all of this tension. Freddie and Brian had already agreed with each other to stay with Roger tonight, just to make sure that he didn’t end up getting too drunk. Trouble was, Roger was already on his fourth or fifth pint.

“You need to slow down, Rog.” Brian warned him, glancing over to where John Reid stood, talking to a few stragglers of the press who hadn’t left yet.

Roger followed Brian’s gaze before snorting in response. “I’m not scared of him.”

“Seriously Rog,” Freddie said with a roll of his eyes. “We’re trying to help you here.”

“Yes well did I ask for either of your help?” He growled out, looking at both of them. “No. Because I don’t need it! I just need another drink.”

“Yes well we’ll get you another one in a minute, Rog.” Freddie said. He hadn’t really meant it, he’d said it in the hope that it would get Roger to open up about what had been wrong. Something had to give after all.

“I think he might have had enough, Fred—”

“Yes, I know that Brian,” Freddie said, trying to say it quietly without Roger noticing. “I was just trying to—”

“I’m fine!” Roger snapped, downing the rest of his drink. But as he set his glass back down, he looked back towards the bar, watching John kissing Veronica and it suddenly felt as if he couldn’t breathe. “I…I can’t do this anymore.”

“What?” Brian asked softly.

Roger had said the words so quietly that he hadn’t heard him properly.

Roger swallowed heavily, forcing the next words to come. He closed his eyes as he spoke. “I…I can’t be a part of this…band anymore. I quit.”

“That’s really not funny, Roger.” Brian said, rolling his eyes in response and clearly thinking that was Roger’s idea of a bad joke.

“I’m not joking!” Roger said quickly. He had to say it now otherwise he wouldn’t say anything. He’d carry on feeling sorry for himself and wanting to scream every time he had to see John and Veronica together, and he didn’t think he had it in him to carry on pretending he was fine.

“Look dear, you’re just saying that because you’re drunk, and because you’re dealing with…whatever you’ve been dealing with over the last month. You need to think this through.”

“I have.”

Roger sighed heavily, holding his head in his hands. It would be a lie to say that the thought hadn’t at least occurred to him over the last month, more-so whenever he saw John and Veronica together.

“You don’t know what you’re saying mate. We’re not just going to let you quit.” Brian insisted.

Roger stared down at the table. He felt sick about what he was saying. Of course he didn’t want to quit. Queen was his life, the band meant everything to him. But he felt like he had no other choice.

“Look whatever’s going on with you, we can sort it. Why don’t we go and talk this through properly somewhere a little quieter?” Freddie said quietly from besides him.

“There’s no point.” Roger said quietly.

“That’s not true, Rog.” Brian said softly. “Come on, we’re supposed to be a family, aren’t we?”

It was hearing Brian saying that and seeing John and Veronica laughing at the bar that had Roger suddenly hunched forwards, his shoulders shaking silently. Not to mention the amount of drink he’d had too. It took Brian and Freddie a moment to realise that Roger was actually _crying_. In all their years of knowing Roger, they’d only seen him cry once. Roger had been dealing with his own personal issues just after John joined, and they’d all supported him through it.

Brian threw a look at Freddie from over Roger’s shoulders, as if to say _it must be bad_.

“Come on Rog,” Brian said softly, resting a hand on Roger’s shoulder. “Why don’t we get you out of here?”

He was surprised Roger didn’t continue to fight him. Instead, he swept an arm across his face, hastily wiping his tears away and letting Freddie and Brian lead him out the back door of the club quickly before the press could look over and see how upset Roger was. He was too drunk to feel embarrassed but he kept his head down, avoiding eye contact as they bundled him into the back of a taxi.

They headed to Roger’s flat. It was easier to get him comfortable enough to talk if he was in familiar surroundings, or so Freddie thought anyway.

Freddie pushed him down onto the sofa, and headed out of the room. Brian stood by to the side, watching Roger closely, a worried look in his eyes. Roger dropped his gaze, his cheeks reddening as he sniffed. He hated crying in front of people. He usually showed his emotion through lashing out. That way he didn’t have to feel this vulnerable or pathetic.

“I hope you don’t mind me helping myself dear, but I feel we could all do with a drop of this.”

Roger looked up to see Freddie bringing in a bottle of whiskey and three glasses. He poured them all a glass and handed them out. Brian bit his tongue, fighting back the urge to say that Roger had probably had enough. The truth was, a little Dutch courage might help Roger finally be honest with them about what had been going on with him.

Roger downed his the minute Freddie gave him his, before shoving his glass back in Freddie’s general direction. Freddie raised an eyebrow, sharing a look with Brian as he reluctantly filled Roger’s glass again.

“So come on Rog, we can all see you’ve not been yourself lately.” Freddie asked as he sat down next to Roger, sipping on his own glass of whiskey before winching slightly. He’d never been the biggest fan of whiskey, but needs must. “What’s wrong?”

Roger took a shaky breath as he sipped on his whiskey. The alcohol still clouded his mind, but it wasn’t enough. He didn’t think he could even find the words. He’d barely let himself think about how he’d been feeling lately.

“N-nothing. I’m just being stupid. I’ll get over it.”

“Whatever’s wrong, it must be affecting you for you to be getting so upset, Rog.” Brian said worriedly.

“Yes exactly. Especially for you to threaten to quit the band. So don’t tell us it’s nothing Roger, because we can both see it’s quite the opposite.” Freddie insisted, taking a sip of his whiskey.

Roger shrugged. “Maybe you’re right. But…I…I don’t know if I want to talk about it. I don’t know if I can even find the words to talk about it.”

Freddie frowned worriedly. It must have been bad.

“Why don’t we do this then, Rog? We’ll ask you questions and you answer them. For every truthful answer you give us, you get another shot of whiskey.”

Roger’s eyebrows furrowed together as he thought about that. Hopefully by the time they all got to the root of the problem, he’d be so drunk that blurting out his feelings would seem easier. He nodded.

“Okay then,” Brian said. “So I’m guessing something’s happened to upset you. Did this thing happen during this tour?”

Roger nodded, and Freddie filled Roger’s glass for him to drink. Roger downed it like it was water.

“When during this tour did this… _thing_ happen?” Freddie asked.

“It happened whilst we were in Liverpool.”

Freddie nodded, looking confused as he refilled Roger’s glass. Roger downed it again.

“Did it happen during one of our gigs or whilst you were out afterwards?” Brian asked, watching Roger carefully as he waited for an answer, sipping on his whiskey.

“Out afterwards.”

Freddie poured Roger another shot, and Roger drank it just as quickly. “Did this thing include anyone else?”

“Yes.” Roger replied, already shoving his glass in Freddie’s general direction. Freddie raised an eyebrow as if to ask for more details, but Roger rolled his eyes, keeping his glass out for a refill. “I’m not telling you who. You’ll have to work that out for yourselves.”

Brian groaned in response. “Great. So you’ll probably be paracletic by the time we get to the root of the problem.”

Roger pretended to grin in response as he held his glass back up to his lips and took a long sip. “That’s the idea, yeah.”

“Was this thing with someone we know? Someone we’ve met maybe?” Brian asked carefully.

Roger nodded as he finished his drink, waiting for Freddie to refill his glass again. He downed this one, enjoying the warmth the whiskey was giving him.

“Was there a confrontation?” Freddie asked. “A fight perhaps?”

“No.”

Freddie filled his glass after rolling his eyes. Roger downed it in one again.

Brian frowned, thinking carefully before he asked his question. “Did it…involve any women?”

“It doesn’t involve women, but there were women there when it happened.”

Freddie refilled Roger’s glass with a frown, which deepened as he watched Roger down it again. It was safe to say he was confused so far. He was thinking that whatever this thing was had been with or around a woman, and now that Roger had confirmed it hadn’t, he wasn’t sure where to go from there.

“So it didn’t involve women but there were women there when this thing happened…were those women the ones you and John slept with that night?”

Roger nodded, holding his glass out again.

“So I know you said it didn’t involve women, and there wasn’t a confrontation or a fight, but…did you witness something with those women there? Or did it happen between you and someone else?”

“Isn’t that technically two questions? Do I get two shots of whiskey or—”

“No!” Brian and Freddie both said together.

“At this rate, we’ll be carrying you from the sofa to your bed as it is, so just answer the damn question, Roger.” Freddie snapped impatiently.

“Ooh alright! Somebody’s in a bad mood.” Roger grinned, taking a sip of his whiskey.

Brian rolled his eyes in response. He was wasted already.

“It happened between me and somebody else. They witnessed me doing something.”

“Right.” Freddie nodded. “Did you hurt the woman you slept with? Like did you hurt her feelings. Maybe you flirted with a man in front of her and she took it the wrong way? We all know you flirt with anything after you’ve had a few drinks inside you. Or maybe you was so wasted that you actually _kissed_ a man?”

Roger’s cheeks flushed further, and this time it wasn’t down to the amount of alcohol he was consuming. He hid his face behind his glass as he downed it again.

Freddie’s eyes widened. “Oh my god, I’m right aren’t I? You kissed a man!”

Brian almost dropped his glass and Roger sighed in response, holding his glass out again. “Yes fine, I did. I don’t know why either of you two are acting so surprised though. It’s not like it’s a big deal, is it?”

“Well clearly you think it is.” Brian said as he sipped his drink again.

“It isn’t that much of a big deal. I know loads of people who go around kissing men, women, and everything in between.” Freddie said with a shrug. “Unless of course it’s making you question your sexuality? Then that’s kind of a big deal.”

“No of course not!” Roger said quickly, before pausing for a moment. He bit his lip hard as Freddie refilled Roger’s glass. He hadn’t been questioning his sexuality, but maybe he should have been. He knew he at least felt something for John after that kiss after all. “Well…maybe. I don’t know.”

He groaned in frustration as he sipped on his whiskey again.

Roger and Freddie shared a look, clearly both as surprised as each other about that. They all had their share of women. Freddie had his fair share of men too. But Roger usually surpassed them easily, especially whilst on tour. He didn’t exactly act like somebody who was in the middle of questioning their sexuality.

Brian thought carefully for a long moment, before opening his mouth to speak again. “Okay then. Was there err…anyone else with you that night, besides the two girls and John?”

“No.”

Freddie blinked in surprise. “So does this include John?”

Roger hesitated. They’d gotten to the problem much quicker than he anticipated. He sighed and closed his eyes as he replied. “Yes.”

Freddie had to fight to stop his jaw dropping open. He knew Roger and John were close, but he would never have thought there was anything more to it until now. He looked over at Brian to see that he looked just as shocked as he did. John might not have been as good at talking with women as Roger was, but it didn’t mean he was any less popular. Women seemed to like that he was a little quieter. That was hardly a surprise though. Women seemed to like somebody who had an air of mystery about them.

Brian knew what to ask next. It just took him a moment longer because he was so surprised. He guessed it made sense when he thought about it though. Before this tour, John and Roger had been inseparable, apart from the times that Roger was with different women of course. They’d always been really close, being the youngest in the band. But since that night, they’d both been acting kind of strange. They’d barely been together and Roger had seemed to be drowning in alcohol much more than normal. If they’d kissed, it at least explained why they’d been so different.

“Did you and John…kiss?”

Roger closed his eyes again as he nodded. “It was a dare.”

“So…did you not like it?”

Freddie groaned in response. For somebody so clever, Brian could be a little oblivious when it came to these sorts of things. “Really Brian? I think the problem is that Roger here liked it a little _too much_.”

Roger forced himself to nod. Because what was the point of denying it anymore? He dropped his gaze, holding out his glass for Freddie to fill up again. He didn’t think he could look at the two of them, not yet anyway. Freddie did so without a word, and Roger downed it again. The drink helped to soothe him a little.

“Right.” Brian said, shock evident in his voice. “And…John didn’t like it?”

“I…I don’t really know.” Roger stuttered out. “We’ve not talked about it. Well, we sort of have. It was the night at the pub, in London. He came outside to talk to me. He realised I was acting differently because of that night. So he said he’d made Melanie promise not to tell anyone, if that was worrying me. And how it was just a stupid dare. Technically, he was right. The girl he was with wanted us to kiss, so we were drunk enough to do it.”

“That doesn’t sound like something John would say. Not to intentionally hurt you anyway.” Brian said quickly.

“He probably said it because he thought that was what you wanted to hear.” Freddie said with a sigh. “Because I can bet you haven’t told John how you really feel.”

Roger’s eyes shot up to look at Freddie’s. “Do you think?”

“I think it’s highly likely.” Freddie insisted. “Either that, or he said it because he was scared of losing your friendship or scared about things changing between the two of you. I mean, you two are as thick as thieves. And he’s not stupid. He’s obviously noticed the way you’ve been lately. Everyone else has.”

“Exactly,” Brian agreed. “It makes sense now. Why you’d been so distant.”

“Yeah and I did wonder why you were so horrible to Veronica earlier. I guess I know why now.” Freddie interjected as he sipped on his drink.

Roger dropped his gaze guiltily. “Yes okay. Don’t you think I feel bad enough? I know I’ve been difficult to live with, and I was an arse to Veronica earlier—”

“That’s not what I meant, Rog,” Freddie said, pressing a hand to his arm and offering a small smile as Roger looked back up. Yes, they all had their arguments, usually about the most stupid of things, but they all knew that Roger wasn’t one to properly lash out at people like he had. It had been worrying them all, to say the least.

“I just meant that everybody could see that something was seriously wrong. Which reminds me. I hope now that you’ve finally been honest about all of this, it means that you’re not being a total idiot and quitting the band anymore.”

“No of course not,” Roger said quickly. Then he shrugged. “Then again, there’s still John to think of. Maybe I should quit the band and go and escape to a private island somewhere, where nobody knows me, and I can live out my days as—”

“No chance mate.” Brian said with a snort.

“Yep, we’re never going to let that happen Rog, sorry.” Freddie insisted.

Roger couldn’t help but smile a little, despite himself. “Why? Because I’m too invaluable to this band.”

“No, because we have the rest of the tour to do, and we can’t find another decent drummer at such short notice.” Freddie said, before rolling his eyes at Roger’s unhappy expression. “Yes alright Taylor, fine. Because you’re too invaluable to the band. There, I said it. Happy.”

Roger grinned in response, appreciating the compliment. “Extremely.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Well done Fred. We’ll never hear the end of this now.”

“Maybe I should have let him quit after all.” Freddie teased. “Anyway, talking of John, you do realise you’re going to have to talk to him about all of this? It’s only fair you’re honest with him too.”

“Fred’s right,” Brian agreed quickly. “I know this has the potential to change things for the band, for good or bad—”

“That hardly matters. This needs sorting.” Freddie interrupted quickly as he gave Brian a look. He could understand Brian worrying about how this affected the band, but Roger needed to work out what he wanted or where his head was at, and that was a little more important right now.

Brian sighed. “If you let me finish Fred, I was just about to say that whatever happens, this needs sorting, and not to worry about how this will affect the band. We’ll worry about that if it comes to it. And that John needs to know how you felt about that kiss. For one thing, you’ll find out how he really felt about it too. And it will make him understand why you’ve been acting differently. He was quite upset earlier on, you know.”

“Really?” Roger said with a frown.

“Yes but look at it from his perspective dear.” Freddie said softly. “You two have always been close, ever since the first day he joined Queen. I think it hurt him that you and Veronica haven’t been getting along, given that he’s been spending quite a bit of time with her over the last couple of months. I think he might actually be starting to like her.”

“And that’s another reason why you have to tell him now.” Brian said quickly. “Because if you don’t, and he eventually falls in love with Veronica, it will be too late. If he ever finds out you kept all this from him, I think…I think that would be worst. Because I have a feeling it wont just be you thinking what if.”

Freddie nodded in agreement. “He’s right.”

Roger processed all of what they’d said. They were right. He could really hurt John by keeping this all from him. Whatever happened after this, John had the right to know why Roger had been so distant.

“You’re right. I should talk to him. Now.”

“Err…as much as I’m glad you’ve suddenly found your confidence dear,” Freddie said carefully, moving to stop Roger from standing up, or at the very least attempting to. He’d had a lot to drink, and Freddie was feeling worried that Roger would barely be able to make it out of the door without stumbling over. Not to mention that John was with Veronica tonight. “I don’t think tonight is a good time to do this. A lot has happened, you’re drunk, and…well he’ll be with Veronica anyway, won’t he? Maybe wait until tomorrow.”

“You do both realise it’s Christmas tomorrow?” Brian asked.

“Good point.” Freddie said. “I can’t believe I almost forgot.”

Roger frowned in response. Great. The band would sometimes spend a little of Christmas together, but they mostly celebrated it with their families. That meant that John would be free to see Veronica. He groaned at the thought, placing his head in his hands again as he imagined the two of them waking up in bed together, sharing Christmas kisses, before opening their presents in their pyjamas. Just the thought of them being together during the festivities made him want to punch something.

“We could always try to arrange to meet tomorrow? We could say it’s for emergency band practice just to get you and John together, and then that way you can tell him—”

“No.” Roger said, sighing heavily as he lifted his head up to look at Freddie. “It wouldn’t be fair. Not on Christmas. I’ll just have to…wait a couple of days. It’s not that long, right?”

Freddie forced a smile. “Right.”

“Are you sure mate? Because it doesn’t exactly look as though you’re going to have the best Christmas, with all this going on.” Brian said worriedly.

“Well why don’t the three of us meet up? Mum wouldn’t mind. Papa might mind a little, but I’m sure I can always make it up—”

“It’s fine,” Roger said quickly, interrupted Freddie’s chatter with a forced smile. “Honestly. I’m meant to be spending time with my parents and my sister tomorrow anyway, so…hopefully it’ll fly by and then I’ll get to talk to John in a couple of days.”

“Well if you’re sure mate.” Freddie said.

“If you change your mind, you can always come and visit me or Fred anyway,” Brian said with a smile. “I know Mum and Dad wouldn’t mind having you over again. They was only saying the other day they hadn’t seen you, Fred or John in a while.”

Roger smiled in response, appreciating Brian’s gesture. “Thanks Bri.”

His head was starting to spin from all the alcohol he had consumed in the last few hours. But it had suddenly turned a little depressing, and Roger was glad when Freddie changed the subject suddenly in his typical Freddie kind of way.

“Well now that’s all agreed, let’s stop being so depressing and have another drink to celebrate Christmas properly, shall we?”

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this was worth the wait, eek! The next few chapters are about to get very interesting let me tell you hehe. I'm very close to writing the end of this story which means that I'll be able to start updating a little quicker. In the meantime, let me know what you think of the chapter, and please feel free to tell me if you didn't like anything or wanted me to change something etc...Thanks! :)


	8. It's A Hard Life

Roger had never understood the hype of Christmas. He’d always been more into New Year’s Eve. This year, he disliked it even more. Luckily, the day flew by. He headed round to his parent’s house after lunch, despite wanting to stay at home and drink until the day passed. He enjoyed spending time with family, but he wasn’t exactly in the mood to celebrate.

The plan was to have dinner and exchange gifts, before making an excuse about having evening plans with a girl. Of course he wasn’t actually dating anyone, but he’d always used that as an excuse, whether or not it was true, and it worked a treat. He could usually make a quick exit before they asked too many questions.

This year his younger sister Clare had brought her boyfriend, so Roger’s lack of company was even more transparent.

He’d made up his usual excuse and headed quickly for the front door, but he hadn’t managed to get there quickly enough. His Mum and Dad followed him through the hallway.

“Is this the same lady you were courting a few months ago, Roger?”

Roger just managed to stop himself from rolling his eyes at the old-fashioned way his father worded it. That was very like him.

“No, it’s…someone different.”

He knew his parents wanted him to settle down, they made it obvious more often than not. But they also understood that he was still young and in a band, and he wasn’t ready for commitment yet. They might not have liked it, but it wasn’t their life. It was his. So they supported him whatever.

“And is it going well?” His mother asked curiously.

Roger shrugged. “Yeah, so far. But it’s early days.”

He ignored the way his father frowned at that.

His mum smiled at him. “Well it would be nice if you brought her over for dinner one Sunday. We never get to meet any of your lady friends.”

“Yes, for good reason.”

Given that most of his conquests never went any further than the one night, he had no intentions of introducing any of them to his parents. But he relented. If not to keep his parents happy. It wasn’t like he was actually seeing anyone anyway.

“Maybe I’ll…ask if she wants to come over. If it gets a little more serious.”

Her smile widened triumphantly and he felt bad at having lied to her. She said nothing else about the matter, moving forwards to pull him into a goodbye hug.

“It was nice to see you again, Rog.” She said softly, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before she pulled away.

“You too Mum,” he smiled, before stepping forwards to give his Dad a quick hug. “Take care Dad.”

His Dad patted him on his back as he pulled away, sharing a small smile with Roger. “You too, son.”

He didn’t feel like heading back to his flat, so he grabbed a taxi into the city instead. He headed into the nearest and busiest looking pub, and drank until the room span. Only then did he head back to his flat, where he fell into a dreamless sleep on his bed virtually as soon as he undressed.

The band met up the day after, at John’s flat.

John and Brian were the only ones who could cook more than a boiled egg, but with Brian’s girlfriend Chrissie had her family round at his for a couple of days, they agreed to meet at John’s.

They’d all brought presents to open whilst dinner was cooking. They usually brought each other casual things. With Brian, they usually brought him anything space or science related. Anything like that fascinated him. For Freddie, it was anything to do with music, or dance, or tickets for a show. With Roger, it was any new music, or anything to do with drums, photography or car related. And for John, it was the simple things. Socks, a new shirt, new aftershave, that sort of thing.

Roger enjoyed taking photos. He’d take loads whilst they whilst on tour. He said he’d enjoyed capturing a particular happy or sad moment, had done since he was a child. Only thing was he had to wait ages for the pictures to be developed. That was how John worked out what to buy him for Christmas.

Roger had brought John a bottle of aftershave that he knew he really liked. It wasn’t much, but he knew John liked it. He’d mentioned it whilst they’d been shopping, and Roger had brought it then and there.

Roger opened his present from John and was left speechless. It was a Polaroid camera. He knew they weren’t exactly cheap, and he felt bad, given he’d only gotten John was aftershave.

John took Roger’s silence as a bad sign. “If it’s wrong, then I still have the—”

“I love it,” Roger interrupted quickly, lifting his face and giving John a smile. “It’s just that…I can’t accept it.”

John frowned. “Why not?”

“Because it’s too nice. I mean, I only got you some bloody aftershave.”

“So?” John shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. You brought it knowing I liked it, and I brought this, knowing that you wanted one. I thought you could use it to take pictures whilst we’re on tour. I know you already have a camera, but with this, you don’t have to wait ages for the pictures to develop.”

“And it’s…brilliant,” Roger insisted, his hand running over the box softly. “But it’s too much.”

“Oh, stop being so melodramatic darling, and accept the bloody gift.” Freddie said with a grin, as he sipped on his glass of wine.

“Of course I accept it. I just feel like…like…” he sighed heavily, trying to find the words. Things had been a little strained over the last month and John had still managed to buy something that he knew would mean so much to Roger. But how could he put that into words? “Like you’ve put a lot of thought into my present. And I…well, didn’t.”

“Oh please,” John said with a huff. “I know for a fact that you can only get this aftershave from New York, so I know you made the effort to get it for me the same day I’d seen it. And I brought that camera for you knowing how much it would mean to you. So please don’t think that you’re present means any less, because I promise Rog, I _love_ it.”

Roger nodded in response, seeing the sincerity in John’s eyes. So much so that he had to drop his eyes, the slightest smile on his lips. “Okay. Well thank you. I’ll take it everywhere with me.”

“As I will with my present.” John smiled back in response.

“Thank god for that,” Brian said with a roll of his eyes. “ _Now_ can we have dinner? I’m starving.”

They had a roast turkey with all the trimmings. They’d all helped in their own way. Freddie and Roger had cut up vegetables and peeled the potatoes and left the actual cooking to Brian and John. It tasted _amazing_. Roger was so full by the time they were finished.

“Well Brian, John, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Feel free to cook anytime on our next tour if we get food like that.” Roger said with a smile, before sipping on his glass of wine.

“I second that.” Freddie said quickly.

“Good to have both of your permission.” John said with a roll of his eyes.

“Yes but we’d make it worth your while Deaky,” Roger said, winking across the table at him, before realising that might have come out as flirty when John’s face flushed a little. Brian and Freddie shared a look, telling Roger he was right. “Me and Fred both will. You know…washing up duties, that sort of thing.”

“Speak for yourself darling,” Freddie huffed. “These hands are far too fragile to be on washing up duties. Not to mention I wouldn’t want to chip my nail polish.”

“Ever the diva, Fred.” Brian said with a grin.

They all moved back into the living room to talk about the rest of the tour. It was America next, the big one. They’d all been excited to go back to America, having loved it so much on their last tour. They ended up watching _It’s A Wonderful Life_ on the television. They’d all seen it before, but Freddie as usually the one to shed a tear or two by the end.

Roger laughed as Freddie subtlety rubbed his eyes as the credits started, and Freddie shot him a glare in response.

“Don’t laugh at me Taylor, I’ve got something in my eyes!”

“Yeah sure mate, they’re called tears last time I checked.”

“That’s impossible. I never cry at any movie.”

“Sure you don’t, Fred. You just cry at most of them.” Brian teased, before ducking as Freddie chucked a cushion at his head.

John suddenly stood, noticing that Brian and Freddie’s glasses were empty. “Anyone for a top-up?”

“I think me and Freddie are going to head off now actually.” Brian said, quickly standing up.

Freddie frowned. He was in no rush to leave, and as far as he knew neither was Brian. But then he saw the look Brian was giving him, and he quickly nodded.

“It’s been absolutely lovely darling. Thank you for having us.” Freddie smiled as he gave John a quick hug as he passed him. “I promised to spend some time with Kash before her and her husband return home.”

“Yeah and Chrissie won’t be too pleased if I spend all night round here, not whist her family are in London to see us.” Brian said with a small smile.

“Oh okay. Well I guess I’ll see you in a couple of days. We’ve got band practice, right?”

Brian nodded. “That’s right. Paul thought it would be good for us to get a days practice in before new year’s. And then we’ll meet back up a couple days after to go through the full-set.”

“Let me guess, that last one your idea, May?” Roger asked with a smile as he raised his glass and took a sip. Brian was nothing if not thorough. He liked to make sure the band was fully prepped before any show.

“We want to make sure we put on a good show,” Brian insisted. “Especially as we have New York again just a week into the tour.”

“The big one,” Freddie added. “Yes they know, Brian. Now come on, we can talk more about band stuff on Tuesday.”

“Fine,” Brian sighed. “Thanks for having us, Deaky.”

“Oh, it was alright. It was nice of you to come. Thank you for helping me cook, Bri.” He looked at Roger then, noticing he was still sat down. “How about you, Rog? Are you staying for a bit?”

He looked up, realising suddenly that if he said yes, it left him alone with John. It would be the perfect time to talk to him. He’d had a couple of drinks so that should hopefully give him a bit of courage. A part of him wanted to make his excuses and leave. But he knew he couldn’t. It would be cowardly, and  he knew he couldn’t let it carry on without being honest with John. He’d keep lashing out, and it wasn’t fair on the band.

“Yeah I’m in no rush to leave. I saw my parents and my sister yesterday, and they’re spending the rest of today with her and her boyfriend.”

“Great. I’ll get you a top-up in a second.” Roger smiled, before John headed into the hallway with Brian and Freddie.

Roger downed the drop of wine in his glass. He needed all the courage he could get. He passed John his glass on his way through to the kitchen. Luckily everyone had had quite a bit of wine, so the drinks had gone to Roger’s head a little already.

John was back a moment later, a smile on his face as he put both their glasses down on the table. “Fancy watching _Miracle on 34 th Street_? Mum was saying yesterday that I was practically obsessed when I was a baby. I haven’t seen it for years.”

He should have told him then, but he hesitated. Watching the film together would hopefully give him enough time to think of how he was going to word what he wanted to say.

“Yeah, alright then.”

The film was good. Roger remembered watching it with his parents a few years back. But Roger hadn’t really been concentrating on the film. He wasn’t sure if he was doing it on purpose. Despite the sofa being big enough for three people, John was sat next to him, his arm resting behind him.

Roger suddenly felt sick when the movie finished. He grabbed his glass, downing the rest of it.

John chuckled in response. “Another?”

“Please.” Roger smiled, handing John his glass. He’d had a few more since starting the movie, and he was feeling a little braver.

John grabbed his own glass and headed through to the kitchen again. He switched the channel over to Top of the Pops when he came back. It was a repeat of the programme from yesterday. The Bay City Rollers was playing. Roger barely resisted rolling his eyes, He hated this song. _Bye Bye Baby_. He knew John liked this one though, so he stayed silent.

But John seemed to read him too easily as always.

“We can turn it over if you want? I wouldn’t want you suffering for my sake.” John offered a smile knowingly.

Roger pretended to sigh dramatically. “It’s fine. I’ll suffer quietly for your poor taste in music this once.”

“Coming from you!” John grumbled with a snort. “Besides, you’re not suffering _that_ quietly, are you?”

“Yeah, but you know I’m only teasing.” Roger smiled, automatically reaching out and pressing his hand against John’s leg. It was a habit. To want to touch John. Particularly after he’d had a few drinks.

John bit his lip, his eyes falling to Roger’s hand. Roger started to feel uncomfortable, and was debating moving his hand away until John’s hand lowered to his, his fingers trailing against Roger’s skin.

“What’s been wrong with you lately, Rog?”

Roger sighed. He was enjoying the way John was touching him, but he knew he’d been acting like an arse lately. He never wanted to be like that, especially not towards John.

“I know I owe you an apology.” He said quietly. “I’m sorry, John. For being like I have.”

John shook his head, letting go of Roger’s hand and turning more towards him. Roger’s pulled his hand away, sighing at the lack of contact. John frowned in concern.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m asking because I’m worried. It’s not like you.”

Roger fiddled with his hands, avoiding John’s eyes as he forced himself to agree.

“No. It’s not.”

“Did something happen on tour?”

Roger forced a small nod. “Sort of.”

John was even more confused. He offered a smile as Roger finally met his eyes.

“Well what is it? You know you can tell me anything and I wouldn’t judge. Well unless you’ve broken some poor girl’s heart, then I might judge you a little.”

Roger let out a shaky, quiet laugh as John’s smile widened, letting Roger know he was joking.

“It’s…about our kiss actually.”

John nodded, seeing the way Roger’s smile dropped as he talked. He should have guessed. He’d been different around him since it happened, even after John thought they’d sorted it after their talk the other week. He wasn’t sure what else he could do to reassure Roger. If he’d thought this would affect Roger’s fragile masculinity this much, he’d have never let that kiss happen. His expression hardened, ready for whatever Roger wanted to do next.

“I know you only did it to impress the girls. It wasn’t a big deal. I’ve already pretty much already said that. But it will be if you let it affect you like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“We were both drunk, and it was a dare. Just because we kissed doesn’t mean anything has to change between us.”

“I know it doesn’t,” Roger said quietly.

John sighed, sitting forwards on the sofa. Roger’s eyes followed the movement, but John was looking at the floor, his face pink.

“I’m sorry if you’re that _disgusted_ about us kissing, but I don’t know what else you want me to say.” John said, clearly fed-up. Roger wasn’t too surprised. He’d sensed the band getting fed up of Roger’s attitude, and he knew he wasn’t exactly helping the situation. “Melanie promised she wouldn’t tell anyone, including the press, and it’s not like we’re going to see either of those girls again.”

“I know, I know.”

“Right then. Look, if I thought this was going to get to you as much as it has been, I’d have never let you kiss me.”

Roger’s forehead creased in confusion. “It was me who initiated that kiss.”

“Yes, but I could have said no. Maybe I should have.” John said quietly. He’d said yes mainly for selfish reasons, although Roger didn’t know that. “But just think of it this way. Brian and Freddie never need to find out. Maybe if you think of it like that, it will help you move on from the fact that you kissed another guy.”

Roger could feel his face flushing at John’s words. He stared at his hands, twisted in his lap. “About that…they kind of already know.”

“Who?”

“Brian and Freddie.”

“What?” John asked in shock, turning bare to stare at Roger, who was conveniently not looking at him.

“I told them after the gig the other night.”

“Right,” John said, suddenly getting up from the sofa and running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Well thank you for getting my permission to go blabbing about that first.”

He strode as far away as the living room would allow, shaking his head in temper. Roger could be so selfish at times. He could see Roger had been struggling, which was why he’d tried to speak to him. And now he was hearing that Roger had still gone and talked to Brian and Freddie about it. He wouldn’t have minded, but it would have been nice for Roger to ask if it was okay first, given that this included him too.

“I needed to tell someone, to explain to them why I’d been acting how I had.”

“So what did you explain to them exactly? How mortified you’d have been if you’d have been spotted kissing me.” John huffed as he started to pace. “Don’t get me wrong, I can see why. Maybe that’s why you’ve been taking this so bad. The famous womanizer Roger Taylor kissing his bandmate. The press would have had a field day.”

John knew he was being harsh. Their kiss hadn’t meant anything, but the press wouldn’t have known that if they had seen them. They all cared about the band’s reputation. John was just lashing out because he was hurt. They should never have kissed. John had known deep down before it even happened that it would mean more to him.

Roger sighed as he watched John pace, wondering how he could get him to see it wasn’t like that. He should have cared that the press could have been there to see them kissing, but he knew that the moment John’s lips touched his, he wouldn’t have given a damn who saw them. Hell, Brian and Freddie could have pulled up a chair, and he wouldn’t have blinked an eye. He’d been far too busy being caught up in kissing John.

“You’re wrong. I wouldn’t have been mortified had anyone seen us. If that was true, I wouldn’t have gone through with it in the first place. And I didn’t feel disgusted about us kissing either.” Roger said. Then he added quietly; “Completely the opposite actually.”

“What?” John had suddenly stopped pacing. He was stood with his back to Roger. He was sure he’d heard him wrong.

Roger took a deep breath, forcing the next words to come. It was now or never. “That’s why I’ve been…the way I have lately. I enjoyed kissing you. It’s all I’ve thought about since. And saying that out-loud bloody terrifies me, because you’re not just some woman. You’re… _you_.”

John was silent for ages, for far too long. His back was still to Roger, which was more than a little frustrating, as Roger couldn’t tell what he was thinking. And the more the silence wore on, the more uncomfortable Roger felt. This was a big deal for him. It had the ability to change everything, not just between them, but for Roger. Of course Roger had wondered what it would be like to kiss a man, but he’d never acted on it. And they had only been fleeting thoughts. Kissing John had felt as if he was being consumed from the inside, and Roger had kissed enough women to know that was a big deal.

John swallowed heavily. Roger couldn’t have been saying what he thought he could have. He pinched the inside of his arm, surprised when it hurt. So he wasn’t dreaming then.

“What are you saying, Rog?” John spoke so quietly, Roger strained to hear him.

Roger bit his lip. “I think you know, John. That’s why I’ve been so horrible to Veronica. I could barely stand being in the same room with you two, let alone every time you bloody kissed or whatever.”

Granted John and Veronica hadn’t been nearly all over each other as Roger had been with some of the women he’d slept with. But still, it was enough that every touch or kiss they shared made Roger feel sick with jealousy, and want to punch something in temper.

John thought that was petty, even for Roger. “All because of a bit of lust? So what? You kissed me and now you realise there might be a chance you like men too? It doesn’t matter, Roger. Not to me. Nor is that mine or Veronica’s fault.”

“But it’s not lust!” Roger suddenly shouted. If there was one thing he was sure of, it was that. He wouldn’t be risking their friendship like this otherwise. He wouldn’t have gotten so upset when he saw John and Veronica kissing on Christmas eve. And he wouldn’t have threatened to quit the band if he wasn’t as scared as he was about what his feelings would mean for the two of them.

“And I don’t feel anything for other men. I’m certain of that. I only feel something for _you_ , Deaky.”

“Something?” John asked, turning his head a little.

Roger sighed. John knew he was no good with words.

“Yes something. I don’t know how to describe it, but I know it’s a big deal. Or at least…it could be. I wouldn’t have almost quit the band if I didn’t believe that.”

“Wait, what?”

John turned back round, shock evident on his face, his eyes wild.

“I got kind of…upset on Christmas eve. To be fair, I’d had quite a lot of alcohol by that point. Anyway, I just blurted it out to Brian and Freddie. Luckily, they managed to convince me that I was being an idiot.”

“Good,” John said simply. “Because that would have definitely made you an idiot.”

Roger met John’s eyes and they shared a small smile at that.

“You’re right.”

“So you was saying before. About how you felt… _something_.”

Roger’s eyes dropped back to his lap, feeling his face heat up in response. “Yeah, I just…it’s like every time I’m near you, the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I like being close to you. I always have, but now it’s…not enough. Do you even realise how much I’ve wanted to kiss you again? Especially when you do that thing on stage. When you purse your tongue between your lips when you’re concentrating. It’s very… _distracting_.”

John let a ghost of a smile light up his face at Roger’s words. Was it wrong to like what he was hearing so much?

“And…” Roger started, feeling like he might as well continue being honest now that he’d started. “All I’ve wanted to do since that night is to find a dark, quiet corner and drag you there. You make me feel all these things and more, John.”

John was taken aback by his words. He knew it was a big deal by Roger calling him John. He usually only called him that if he wanted to talk about something important. Roger was serious now.

“I’ve never felt half this intensely for any woman, even the ones who, let me tell you, can do some pretty incredible things with their tongues—”

“Yes alright, I get the gist.” John interrupted quickly. He probably felt as impressed hearing about Roger’s sex life as Roger felt when he saw John and Veronica together.

Roger smiled triumphantly. It felt good to confirm that John felt some sort of jealousy when it came to other women too. He just wasn’t sure where they both went from here. He was too scared to ask.

“Is that why…you’ve not been sleeping with anyone?” John asked, watching Roger’s eyes find his again. “I might have expressed my concern. As far as I knew you were taking women home every night, and I was worried about you. You just seemed to be…spiralling a little. Anyway, Brian and Freddie basically told me that you’d been far too drunk to sleep with anyone, and that they’d been making sure you’d gotten home safe because most of the time, you were too drunk to do that yourself.”

Roger nodded, looking away again. “Basically….yeah.”

John took a deep breath, knowing that he needed to make the next move. It had taken a lot for Roger to say all that he had. And it was an even bigger deal that Roger hadn’t been sleeping around. Everyone knew that on the majority of the band’s nights outs, Roger usually had company to take home by the end of the night.

John stepped forwards, removing the distance between him and Roger in one stride, sitting next to him on the sofa again. Roger was watching him closely, a nervous look in his eyes.

John needed Roger to know one more thing.

“Look Rog, whatever happens now, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.” John said softly. Roger frowned, looking confused, so John continued. “Whatever this thing is between us, I don’t want you to feel like this has to change anything. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I mean. It’s not like we’ve actually acted on anything yet.”

Roger stayed silent, knowing John was right. But he still couldn’t find it in himself to care. John was so innocent sometimes. It made Roger want him more.

“Roger?” John spoke softly again, reaching out to put a hand on Roger’s leg.

Roger swallowed heavily in response. He could feel the warmth of John’s hand through his jeans and he inwardly cursed that the denim was in the way of feeling John’s skin against his.

His face shot up to John’s to see that he was still watching him. He could tell that John was worried, worried that Roger would change hid mind, probably. That should anything start between them, Roger would be the one to regret it.

It made Roger want to prove him wrong.

“Are you joking, Deaky?” Roger said softly, reaching across automatically to brush John’s hair behind his ear. John drew out a shaky breath as Roger’s hand skimmed his skin, closing his eyes briefly at the touch. John was beautiful. And Roger literally ached to kiss him.

“All I’ve wanted to do since that night is grab you and lay one on you. Much more than one actually.”

Roger’s hand fell against John’s shoulder, and he pressed a circle into the skin of his shoulder blade with his thumb.

“Then why don’t you? Rather than just talking about it.”

Roger grinned in response. There was the Deaky he knew and loved.

“Sassy as always, Deaky.” Roger said softly, moving closer.

He watched John’s face for any hesitation. John’s gaze dropped to Roger’s lips, and Roger took that as an invitation.

Their lips met, touching briefly before Roger pulled back. He opened his eyes, taking in John’s expression. His eyes were closed lightly, his cheeks were flushed pink, and he was biting the edge of his bottom lip. John really was beautiful. Roger moved forwards, pressing his lips against John’s more firmly, his hand moving to tangle in John’s hair.

John sighed into his mouth in response. Kissing Roger felt just as exciting as the first time. In fact, it was better, knowing that both of them were doing this because they wanted to, rather than under the illusion of some stupid dare.

John deepened the kiss, and Roger moved his tongue against John’s, shivering pleasantly at the way John moaned in response. It vibrated against his tongue, and made his whole body feel as if it was on fire as he pressed himself closer to him. John’s hand moved from his leg, and up to the loopholes in Roger’s jeans. Roger moved, his legs touching John’s, as John attempted to pull Roger closer still, his hands against Roger’s lower back. Roger took the lead, pushing John back against the sofa, and clamouring on top of him without breaking their kiss. He pressed his legs on either side of John’s thighs and groaned at the feel of John as he sunk into his lap.

He could feel that this was affecting John just as much, and knowing that made Roger feel bolder. He moved, thrusting his hips forwards as he moved against John’s lap, and John moaned, his fingers digging into Roger’s hips.

Roger vaguely registered the sound of knocking not so far away. Roger bit back a groan as John pulled back. He moved to John’s ear to whisper breathlessly. “Don’t. Just ignore it.”

John nodded briefly, before pulling Roger’s face back to his. Roger shivered at the look in John’s eyes before his lips crashed back against John’s with more urgency.  John’s hands fell back against Roger’s waist, before moving to settle underneath Roger’s shirt, against his lower back. Roger gasped at the feeling of John’s skin against his.

His hands felt like fire. He liked it. He wanted John so bad. He didn’t think he’d ever wanted anymore more in his life.

Roger detangled his hands from John’s hair, moving down a hand to trail a path past John’s erratic heartbeat. He moved it to the buttons, quickly undoing the first one, before starting on the second. Before he could continue, the knocking started again. This time, it didn’t stop for at least five seconds.

John growled, forcing himself to pull away. “Who the hell is it?”

Roger laughed breathlessly. It was good to see that John was just as wound up about them being interrupted. He pressed a kiss to John’s jaw, enjoying the way he shivered at the contact. “Go and tell them to fuck off.”

Even as he said that, Roger’s hands tightened against the collar of John’s shirt.

John smiled in response. He’d decided that he loved the way Roger looked after he’d been thoroughly kissed. He would definitely have to take a picture if he got a chance. Roger’s eyes were wild and sparkling, the blue in them darkened with desire. His blonde hair was wild, and his lips were full and red from their rough kisses, and John had to fight back the urge to kiss him again.

“I intend to.” John grumbled, his hands still pressed against Roger’s hips.

“Good,” Roger smiled, moving down to press another kiss to his jaw before he could overthink it. Then he sighed. “I have to move, don’t I? But I’m only doing so on the premise you let me ravish you when you get back.”

John shivered, his face flushing at the way Roger said that. “Easiest deal I’ve said yes to.”

Roger grinned, and John reluctantly let his hands fall as Roger moved back to sit next to him.

John stood with a sigh, hoping it would be nobody important. That way, he could hurry back to Roger and pick off exactly where they got up to.

His smile dropped as he opened the front door. It was Veronica.

“I…I thought you were at your parents until tomorrow.” He managed to gasp out, confused.

Her parents lived outside of London, and it took a couple of hours to drive, so they’d agreed when John had seen her yesterday that she’d stay there for a couple of days.

Yet she was stood on his doorstep  on boxing day, her eyes on the floor, her teeth biting her bottom lip. She looked miserable. She had a shawl tucked around her, and she looked cold. She sniffed, and it was then that he realised she’d been crying. Her eyes were all blotchy, and her nose was red.

“I…I was. I just…I didn’t know where else to go.”

“What’s wrong?” He asked with a frown. His hand automatically moved to touch her arm, and he realised she really was cold. He opened the door wider. “Come in, you’ll warm up faster in here.”

She nodded once, stumbling in through the front door. John shut the door behind her, before realising he needed to warn her about Roger still being there.

“Just to let you know, we’re not alone. Roger’s still here.”

She frowned for a second, before realisation dawned on her face. “I completely forgot about the band coming over today. I’m so sorry—”

“It’s fine,” he found himself saying. He could see she was upset, and it wouldn’t have been fair to turn her away. “Why don’t you…come through to the living room? We can talk in there.”

She nodded, following behind him to where Roger still sat, disappointment obvious on his face. John offered him an apologetic smile as he glanced at Veronica.

“Did you want me to go—”

Veronica shook her head as she sat on the other end of the sofa.

Roger’s eyes met John’s, as he stood to the side of the room. John could tell Roger was just as confused. John felt almost too scared to ask. She still looked as if she was on the verge of tears.

“Is everything okay?” Roger asked quietly, realising what a stupid question that was too late.

“Sorry, it’s just…” Veronica sniffed again, her gaze dropping to her lap, as her hand wiped away a tear. “It’s my Dad. He’s…dead.”

“What?” John said in shock. No wonder she looked so upset.

They hadn’t gotten around to meeting each other’s’ families yet. But he knew she was close to her parents from the way she spoke of them. She was an only child. He got the sense her parents were a little protective of her, so he’d been making excuses when she’d started suggesting about him meeting her parents.

She nodded, wiping at her eyes again. “It…it happened today, this morning. A sudden heart attack.”

Roger didn’t know what to say. “I…I’m sorry to hear that.”

She glanced at him, giving him a tearful smile. “Thank you.”

“I’ll erm…I’ll go and get you a drink. Something strong.” John said, breaking the silence.

Roger was sure he’d never felt so uncomfortable. It wasn’t anything personal, but he didn’t exactly like her. She was John’s girlfriend, and Roger had been jealous. And then just as Roger had been getting somewhere with John, she’d turned up and announced her Dad had died. He knew it was selfish to think like that, and he felt terrible. But another part of him wondered why she couldn’t have stayed at her Mum’s, at least until tomorrow.

“So…how is your Mum taking it?” He asked, feeling the need to fill the silence.

She sniffed, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. “As expected. She was really upset. I was going to stay there until tomorrow like expected, but she wanted a bit of space.”

“She’s probably in shock.”

She nodded in agreement. She uttered a small thank you as John moved back into the living room with a small glass of what looked like brandy. She took a sip, and set it down with a winch, before her eyes moved to look at the two half-empty glasses of wine. Roger took that as his cue to leave.

“I’m going to…head off.”

He caught John’s gaze as he stood behind Veronica. He could see John was just as disappointed about how this evening had gone, even if it was something that was as out of their control as this.

“I’ll see you to the door.” John said, his eyes still on Roger’s, as he followed him into the hallway.

John pulled the door of the living room, so that it was on a jar. Roger opened the front door, before turning to face John, a sad smile on his face.

“Well…so much for that.”

“There’ll be other chances.” John promised.

Roger nodded. He would be taking him up on that.

“Sorry. I know I’m being selfish for being disappointed. After all, she’s just lost her Dad—”

“Believe me when I say, you’re not the only one who’s disappointed, Rog.”

Roger nodded, staring down at his shoes. “Well…good luck.”

John frowned. “Good luck?”

“I just meant…never mind. I’ll see you at rehearsals, I guess.”

“Roger, wait,” John said, quickly grabbing his arm, stopping him from walking away any further. His hand dropped to meet Roger’s, and their fingers entwined, just for a minute, before John’s hand dropped back to his side. “I’ll…see you in a couple of days.”

Roger nodded, sharing a small smile, and John watched him walk away, selfishly wishing that tonight could have ended differently.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Dives behind the sofa as she waits for reviews* Please let me know what you think! Try not to hate me too much for the ending of this chapter haha. I am one chapter away from finishing so I'll be able to update twice a week very soon. Yay! :)


	9. Back Chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all can I apologize profusely for only just updating this story! It has taken me forever for some reason. Though I have been busy this week with work. Anyway, I hope it is worth the wait. Thank you for your amazing comments from the last chapter, it makes it worthwhile to know people are still reading this. Anyway, enjoy and let me know what you think!

They met at the studio as agreed a few days later.

Brian, Freddie and John were already there by the time that Roger got there. He was surprised. Freddie was usually late in the mornings.

“About time dear.” Freddie sniped playfully from the side of the studio as Roger walked in to meet them. “How comes you’re late? Was you fixing your hair?”

Roger grinned in response, taking his joke in good humour. “You know how important my hair is, Fred. Besides, makes a change from you being late.”

“True,” Freddie shrugged, unfazed.

Roger met John’s eyes across the studio. He was sat to the side, guitar in hand. Roger relaxed when John smiled back. He headed over to his drums, suddenly feeling ready to get going.

“Right. Now that we’re all here,” Brian spoke up, a smidge of judgement in his tone as he picked up his guitar. “I thought we might go over BoRhap first. “The opera and rock sections are the opening for the show, so I wanted to make sure we’re all on time and that we’re fully prepped.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Roger said from behind the drum riser.

“Agreed dear.”

John nodded, already fiddling about with his bass.

Rehearsals went well. They went over most of the set for the first night, and they all sounded good. John usually preferred rehearsing for live shows more than actual recording, because everybody tended to be focused on putting on the best show they could, and making sure they were in sync, rather than arguing amongst themselves.

He was almost surprised when Brian called an early end to rehearsals. He usually liked to keep them at it until late, so they’d obviously had a successful day.

“Anyone fancy a quick pint?” Brian asked as they all stood. He gently rested his guitar back against one of the stands by the edge of the studio.

Roger smiled in response. Brian’s guitar was his baby. God forbid you ever touched it. Roger had the unfortunate experience back in the early days.

“I won’t say no.” Roger agreed quickly.

“I’m always up for a drink, dear.” Freddie grinned.

“You’re usually up for most things aren’t you, Fred?” Roger teased, throwing in a cheeky wink for good measure when Freddie looked his way.

Freddie merely shrugged in response. “At least nobody can describe me as fucking dull. Which reminds me…”

He trailed off, looking towards John with a smirk. Then he rolled his eyes as he noticed John wasn’t even paying attention to his joke. He was still tinkering with his bass. Roger bit his lip, noticing that John was doing that thing again. He had his tongue pursed between his lips, as he strummed to something in his head. John flushed as he looked up, suddenly realising they were staring.

“Sorry. Did someone mention the pub?”

“Yes, I did Deaky. Wake up.” Brian said with a roll of his eyes.

They headed to a pub that John suggested. Veronica had recommended it to him last week and they were yet to visit. Better still, it was walking distance from everyone’s flats so they could have a couple of drinks.

“How did Veronica hear about this place then?” Brian asked casually as they walked.

“A friend recommended it, I think. She said they’re supposed to do a nice drinks selection.”

“Sounds riveting,” Roger sniped before he could stop himself. He wasn’t sure if it was because this place was recommended by Veronica, but he was feeling a little angsty. “As long as they have cheap beer and spirits, I’m happy.”

“That’s because you’re easily pleased, Rog.” Brian said with a huff. “Some of us actually have a more adventurous palate, you know.”

“I think what you was actually meant to say was _thank you John for recommending somewhere close enough for us all to have a drink_ , right dear?” Freddie said with a sigh.

“Of course,” Roger said, ducking his head guiltily. He let Brian and Freddie walk further in front a little before he nudged John’s arm with his own. “You know I’m only teasing right? I’m sure this place is going to be the coolest bar in town.”

John nodded, offering a small smile. He looked a little pale and Roger frowned, wondering what was wrong. He didn’t get time to ask though, because they’d arrived at the pub and Brian and Freddie were already heading inside. Roger and John followed, and the four of them moved towards the bar.

Roger offered to get the first round in, glad when Brian and Freddie headed off to go and find a table. John hesitated, and Roger used that as a chance to talk to him on his own.

“Can we talk?”

John nodded, moving to stand next to him. It was crowded, but there didn’t seem to be many people their age. A few were staring, but that was nothing compared to the interest they normally got.

“What about?”

Roger fought not to roll his eyes. He was sure John was pretending not to know what he wanted to talk about.

“What happened after I left yours?”

John shrugged. “Nothing really. We mostly talked about her Dad, about arranging his funeral, and what sort of things he might have liked.”

Roger nodded. “I guess it’s good that she’s trying to plan things for the funeral.”

“I guess.”

“So you didn’t…tell her what happened?” Roger asked quietly, looking round to make sure nobody was looking at them. “Between us?”

“No,” John frowned, trailing a scratch on the bar with his fingers. “I wanted to. I just didn’t think it would have been right. Not just after her Dad died. I know we’ve not been together long, but I would have felt cruel—”

“I get it,” Roger quickly interrupted, seeing the state John was starting to get himself into. “It probably wouldn’t have been the best time to break the girls heart.”

“She was very upset.” John said again.

“I know she was.” Roger said gently.

John could see Roger was still disappointed. He frowned in response. He wished her Dad hadn’t died. He wished this thing between him and Roger had happened sooner.

“I don’t think I can break up with her. Not whilst she’s planning her Dad’s funeral. It wouldn’t be right.” John spoke again, trying to convince himself.

Roger nodded. “Honestly mate, I get it.”

“Trouble is, the funeral is just before we go on tour.”

Roger gave a small smile in response. He appreciated John feeling the need to explain, but he understood where he was coming from. He imagined if he was in the same situation, he’d feel the same way. He’d been through his fair share of women, but he still didn’t like hurting anyone. “You don’t have to convince me, John. You’ve already mentioned that she’s an only child. I assume she hasn’t got much family. She said herself that night that she didn’t know where else to go. It would have been wrong to turn her away given the situation, even if you haven’t been together long.”

John was kind. That was one of the many reasons Roger liked him so much.

“Thank you for understanding.” He gave Roger a grateful smile, his eyes lingering on Roger’s. He took a deep breath, speaking aloud his thoughts before he could stop himself. “You know we’ll have the rest of the tour together. Only if…if you wanted, that is—”

“Yes.” Roger said quickly, before realising that that probably sounded a little too keen. He ran a hand through his hair, dropping his gaze from John’s surprised one. “I just meant…that would be cool.”

He cringed internally. What was wrong with him? He was never this eager when it came to being with women. As he looked up and saw the smile on John’s face though, he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

“I’ll end things as soon as we’re back from tour. That should be enough time to…at least get over the shock of her Dad.”

Roger nodded his agreement.

They would be away for three months. It was more than enough time. They could work out how serious this thing between them was, and what it could be.

Roger suddenly couldn’t wait for the rest of the tour.

o-o-o

 

John hated funerals. The very first one he’d attended just after starting at secondary school. It had been his father’s, and he was dreading attending Veronica’s father’s now. Not that he had much choice. It was before he went away, and she’d really wanted him to go. Given how awful he felt about certain things, he’d reluctantly agreed to be there for her.

It hadn’t been the way he’d imagined meeting her family though. Not that he wanted that anymore.

He was more than happy to leave a few days after. She’d been a little disorientated after the funeral. She’d been clingy too. Things had happened between them the day before he’d left. He hadn’t known what to do. If he’d have made an excuse not to sleep with her, she’d have known something was wrong. Not after he’d been so distant.

He’d felt sick afterwards. It felt as if he’d betrayed Roger, even though they’d not exactly spoken about being exclusive.

He felt even worst on the private jet John Reid had secured for them. And this time, it wasn’t just because he loathed flying. He was sat beside Roger, watching a movie. Brian and Freddie had been going through lyrics that Brian had thought up on the way to the airport, and now they were asleep.

John wasn’t much company, which in turn made him feel worst. He ended up spending at least half of the journey throwing up, after a bad bout of turbulence.

Luckily, he had the journey back to the hotel to talk to Roger properly without feeling the urge to be sick again. They’d arranged two taxi’s, one for Brian and Freddie, and one for him and Roger, whilst Jim Beach, Paul Prenter, and Joh Reid had driven off in another car.

Roger offered a sympathetic smile as they drove away from the airport. “Are you sure you’re feeling better? You still look a little pale.”

“Probably more from embarrassment than anything else,” John joked with a weak smile. If he was being honest, he still didn’t feel great, but it was nothing he wasn’t used to feeling after a flight. “Sorry I was such rubbish company.”

Roger shook his head. “It’s fine. The first half was spent watching a movie so that was nice, before all the…throwing up.”

He grinned at John so that he could see that he was only teasing him.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Roger’s eyes lit up at John’s words. “Ooh Deaky, I like the sound of that.”

John laughed at that as Roger pressed a hand to John’s leg, making it obvious what he had in mind.

Under normal circumstances, he’d have probably flirted right back. But he needed to be honest about what happened with him and Veronica.

Roger eyed him worriedly as John paled. “You’re not going to be sick again, are you?”

“No, no. At least, I don’t think so.” He sighed heavily, forcing the next words out quietly. “Look. I know we’ve not talked about us being exclusive and you know I’ve not broken things off with Veronica yet, but…you need to know something. Something happened before we left…between me and Veronica.”

Roger felt his gut clench at John’s words. “What?”

“We…slept together.”

Roger nodded, his expression remaining frustratingly neutral.

“It was just once. Ever since me and you kissed, I’ve tried to think up excuses. I felt awful, so I’ve been really distant. But I was starting to think she was getting suspicious. And with her Dad’s funeral, she’s been really clingy, and I didn’t feel like I could say no, not without—”

“I understand.” Roger said quickly. He didn’t like it, but he could see why John felt he had to. It was too soon to break up with her, and there was only so many excuses you could use. Not that he would know, given that he’d rarely used one. Roger drew out a shaky breath. “Don’t get me wrong, I fucking hate it. But I understand.”

John pressed a hand on top of Roger’s, which was still on his leg. “Well if it helps, it’s over now.”

“I’m yours, if you’ll have me.” He pretended to flutter his eyelashes, making Roger laugh in response.

Roger bit his lip as his eyes roamed John’s features. He leaned in once his eyes moved down to his lips, kissing him with all the urgency he could muster. John pressed his hand into Roger’s hair before sighing sadly as Roger pulled back slightly to look at him with glazed eyes.

“Does that answer your question?” Roger asked huskily.

John responded by pulling him back in and kissing him roughly again, forgetting everything else but the exquisite taste of Roger.

John practically stumbled out of the taxi once it pulled up outside of the hotel. They’d spent most of the journey wrapped up in each other and he felt a little drunk on Roger. He’d blame it on that later for giving him the courage to ask Reid if he could share a room with Roger. It had been Roger who suggested it before they got on the flight and John had been all up for it.

John Reid shrugged as they headed over to reception to book rooms. “I don’t see why not. Are you okay with that, Roger?”

“More than okay.” Roger responded with a grin.

John Reid wasn’t exactly surprised. John and Roger had reluctantly realised that as he was their manager, he needed to be told that things had progressed between them. They made it clear that they weren’t open about it yet, even when Paul had started to make sly digs already. But Reid had made it clear that as long as it didn’t affect the band, their relationship was none of his business, which was good enough for them.

“Thought as much,” Reid said with a smile. Then he shrugged. “That’s fine. One less room to pay for as far as I’m concerned.”

Jim Beach smiled in response as he stood next to him to book in. “You’re all heart, Reid.”

Roger grinned at John in response, glad they’d gotten their way. “Don’t be getting any ideas though, Deaky.”

John smiled back, hearing the teasing tone to his voice. “I could say the same thing to you, Taylor.”

“Three months stuck in a hotel room with you? I couldn’t think of anything more boring.”

“You cheeky little—”

Prenter was stood behind, with Brian and Freddie, and couldn’t seem to hold back his snicker any longer, and the sound cut John off speaking. “I think we know why those two want to share a room, don’t we? Not hard to guess what they’ll be doing for the rest of this tour.”

Roger had had enough of Prenter already, and yet he still insisted on winding him up further. It was more frustrating because Paul wasn’t just shouting his mouth off about him, it involved John too.

John swore under his breath, noticing that a few people had turned to stare. Some of them were whispering excitedly, clearly recognizing who they were. He glanced at Roger and his eyes widened at the way Roger’s expression hardened. He knew what that meant. He reached out to try and hold him back by the arm. “Rog, don’t—”

Too late.

Roger turned, storming up to Paul, eyes blazing. “Say that again. To my face this time.”

Freddie sighed, moving to stand between them. “Now come on dears—”

“Stay out of it, Fred.” Roger and Paul both said at the same time, and Freddie held his hands up in defeat as he stepped away.

“Well, I tried. Brian, you’re turn.”

Brian sighed but nodded. “Right you two—”

“Look, I’m just saying what everyone is thinking.” Paul said with a shrug, though John noticed that his face looked a little flushed.

“Just to say,” Jim interjected, him and John Reid moving forwards in the event this might lead to one of them throwing a punch. It was more likely to be Roger. They all knew he had a bit of a temper, one which Paul virtually always tested. “I can safely that not everyone is thinking that.”

“Yes, and I’ll say to everyone what I’ve already said to John and Roger. As long as _they_ don’t affect the band, I couldn’t care less what they get up to.” John Reid agreed quickly.

“And on that note, maybe you lot could at least try and keep your voices down. People are staring.” Brian said quietly, nodding over to a few people who was still stood in the hotel foyer, watching to see what would happen.

Paul huffed in response. “Oh come on. We’ve seen the way they look at each other. Not to mention they were all over each other on the jet here. That doesn’t exactly scream that they’re trying that hard to keep this a secret, so why shouldn’t people hear—”

“Keep your mouth shut Prenter, or I swear, I’ll happily wipe that smug smirk off of your face—”

“He isn’t worth it.” John said softly from Roger’s side. “Look at him. He obviously wants a reaction. Don’t let him win.”

John was stood close, so nobody could see the way his hand was against Roger’s arm, his touch calming Roger almost instantly.

Roger glared at Paul. “You’d better stay away, Prenter. I’ve been waiting for an excuse to punch you in the face.”

“You’re all talk, Taylor!” Paul shouted as Roger turned and allowed John to lead them to their room, once they’d swiped their room key from John Reid.

“I’m sure many people have told you this already, but you can be a real arsehole, Prenter.” Brian said with a heavy sigh as he took his key from John Reid and followed John and Roger.

“I second that.” Jim Beach added, following Brian.

“They’ve got a point.” John Reid agreed, following them too.

“Yes, they have got a point,” Freddie agreed with a shrug. “I get you and Roger are never going to be best friends, but you don’t fucking help yourself.”

“Freddie!”

Freddie ignored Paul, sauntering away like the others with a huff, leaving Paul to do something useful and grab the suitcases.

Roger wasn’t worried about Paul using anything against him. He knew Freddie wouldn’t tell him anything like that. Not when they knew Paul couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He’d once almost let slip about a one night stand Brian had had whilst on tour, supposedly by accident. They’d learned to only tell him things he _needed_ to know after that.

Not to mention that if Paul said anything insensitive about John, it would give Roger the excuse to punch him.

But all of that was wiped from his thoughts once him and John were alone in their room.

They were kissing on the bed, Roger lingered above John carefully. John’s hands were entwined in Roger’s hair. Roger’s arm was holding himself up, his other hand was snaked around John’s leg, before he hitched it up so that it was around his hip instead. John’s breath caught in his throat, and he reluctantly pulled himself away from Roger, who pouted in confusion and worry.

“Was I doing something wrong?”

John smiled softly in response. It was hard to believe that someone like Roger would be worried about that. He removed his hand from Roger’s hair and let his fingers soften the pout of Roger’s lips.

“Quite the opposite. I just don’t want to…get into anything too quickly.”

“Oh,” Roger said in surprise. “Okay.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I want to.” John quickly added, sensing the panic on Roger’s face. “But I just figure we have three whole months to…get there. I don’t want to just dive straight into things. You mean too much to me to do that.”

Roger nodded, understanding on his features as he laid back besides John. “I get it. You mean a lot to me too, Deaky.”

“I know. That’s why I’d rather take this one step a time. So that when things do go further…it will be all the more better.”

“You’ve got me convinced, Deaky.” Roger said with a smile. He shrugged, running a trail down John’s half-open shirt with his hand. “Besides, just touching you like this is enough. For now anyway.”

John shivered at the look Roger was giving him.

Roger frowned worriedly. It was weird. He didn’t have the same self-confidence when it came to John that he did around women. “This isn’t too much, is it? Me touching you like this—”

“It’s perfect, Rog,” John insisted softly, pressing his hand to the side of Roger’s face softly and enjoying the way Roger smiled in delight.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, I CAN'T wait for the next chapter!! FINALLY SMUT! Whether it's any good, remains to be seen haha. But I have managed to edit that chapter too so I should be able to get that out in the next couple of days to make up for the incredibly long time you've all had to wait for this one! :)


	10. Flick of the Wrist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't resist calling the title of this chapter 'Flick of the Wrist' for reasons which will become clear as you read on. Enjoy!

The tour started successfully. The band loved touring America. You felt as if you could get drunk on the atmosphere alone, and the crowd were always incredible.

The parties got pretty wild too.

The paparazzi loved them more in America too. Not that they didn’t in the UK, but they were far more complimentary over here.

They’d been here a week and things had luckily calmed down since Roger and Paul’s argument. Paul seemed to realise that it was probably best not to rile Roger further, and stayed away from him.

The band had lived together in the early days, so John was already familiar with sharing a house with Roger, but not a room or a bed. But weirdly, it had felt like the most natural thing. He liked being close to him, even if it meant waking up with an aching hard-on most mornings.

Roger wasn’t sure how to take things to the next level. He knew he wanted to take it one step a time, but he wasn’t sure how to begin. He wanted to know how he could make things good for John too.

He wasn’t used to feeling like this. With women, it came as naturally as breathing. He needed to talk to someone who would understand, someone who could give him advice. He just needed to find the right time to get him on his own, which was easier said than done.

They were somewhere north of Philadelphia when Roger finally plucked up the courage.

They were sat in their shared dressing room, and Roger was just about to apply his make-up on before the show. Roger was good at doing his own, but Freddie was the best. He’d just finished doing Brian’s and was about to move on to John’s before his own, but Roger seized the chance.

“Freddie, could you do my make-up?”

Freddie pretended to sigh dramatically. “Not that I don’t mind being in demand, but there is a queue darling. Not to mention you’re usually more than capable of doing your own.”

“I know, and I know I’m jumping in, but I couldn’t seem to get the eyeliner quite right last night. Unless you want me going out there with smudged eyeliner, of course.”

That got his attention.

“Come on then. I’d better do yours before Deaky’s, I suppose. No offence Deaks, but your make-up always takes forever to perfect.”

“Offence taken, Fred.” John said seriously, even though a smile slipped its way on to his face. “Also, how comes Roger gets to jump the queue?”

“Don’t worry Deaky. I’ll be more than happy to make it up to you later, sweetheart.”

John hesitated, feeling his face grow warmer. It was the first time he’d called him a pet name and he liked it. Roger winked slowly, making sure everybody knew exactly what he meant when he said about making it up to him.

“Okay…go ahead then.”

Roger grinned in response, pleased to see that had an effect on John.

“On that note, I’m off to go and throw up.” Brian said, distaste on his features as he suddenly stood.

“You’re only jealous because you’re not getting any, May.”

Brian rolled his eyes as he passed Freddie and Roger. “Sure, that’s the reason. Not because we have to put up with non-stop innuendos from you, and the gooey looks John gives you.”

“I do not give Roger _gooey_ looks,” John argued, even when his cheeks flushed a little.

“You really do, Deaky.” Brian argued with a smile.

“Yeah well, it makes a change from you and Chrissie being all over each other when we’re back home.” Roger sniped with a sniff as Brian headed out of the dressing room.

“Now who’s jealous?”

“Oh please,” Roger sniped. “More like desperately trying not to throw up, just like you are now!” He called just as the door shut behind Brian, before he looked back at Freddie who was watching him closely.

“Right. Now that you’ve successfully upset Brian, I’ll do your make-up.”

“Fine,” Roger sighed, standing up and confusing Freddie further. “Could you do it in the hallway? It’s too hot in here.” Then he looked at John, a smirk playing at his lips as he shrugged. “Either that, or it’s just Deaky. I can’t tell.”

John flushed, but rolled his eyes in response, knowing Roger was probably just doing that to get a reaction. He wasn’t normally this flirty, not yet anyway. Not until he’d had a few drinks first.

“Right. On that note, out the door.” Freddie ordered him, practically pushing Roger through it. He grabbed a chair and lifted it into the hallway before closing the dressing room door behind them. He placed it to the side of the hallway and ordered Roger to take a seat as he set down his make-up bag on the floor. He bent so that he was eye-level with Roger, squirting a drop of make-up on the front of his hand, and asking Roger to push back any hair from his face.

He used a sponge to start applying foundation to Roger’s face, his brows furrowed in concentration.

“What was the real reason for you wanting me to do your make-up out here?”

Roger’s eyes darted to Freddie’s in surprise. “Am I that obvious?”

“You don’t normally ask me do your make-up. And you’ve been flirtier than normal with Deaky, so I assumed you might have been using that as a distraction.”

Roger nodded, avoiding Freddie’s eyes as he finished applying the foundation. “I need an opinion on something.”

“Well if it’s whether you should have worn that top with those jeans, then I’m going to be honest. Darling, no.”

“Hey! What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

Roger was automatically offended. Freddie was usually complimentary about what Roger wore. The band frequently borrowed each other’s clothes, but Freddie and Roger in particular swapped outfits, as they had a similar taste.

Roger had put on a tight, velvet black shirt. He’d worn it knowing John liked it on him. He’d complimented him on it before and he’d borrowed it a few times too. He was wearing black jeans with diamanté’s underneath the front pockets. He’d paired them with his pair of favourite shoes, a pair of bright pink converses.

“There’s nothing _wrong_ with it exactly. Your outfits just a little…” He trailed off, searching for the right word as he sat back and took Roger in. “Samey. You’re usually go a little bolder.”

“Yeah well. I like this shirt.” Roger huffed. He hesitated, before adding quietly; “Deaky likes it too actually.”

“That would explain it.” Freddie said with a roll of his eyes.

“Oh don’t you start!” Roger warned him carefully. “It’s not a bad thing for wanting John to think I look nice.”

“I didn’t say it was. But you have to admit, you’ve barely stopped flirting since we got here. Which is fine with me. But I think Brian might need time to get his head around it.” Freddie shrugged at the look Roger gave him. “He’ll be fine, but can you blame him? You and Brian have known each other the longest, and I don’t think he’d have considered you two becoming a thing before, not until that night you confided in us.”

“I’m not that bad, am I? Besides you two flirt with people too.”

“Yes, but nothing comes from it. It seems like you and John could be a permanent thing. Besides, it’s you who’s been doing most of the flirting, dear.”

“But you don’t think Brian finds it too… _weird_ , do you? Me and John being together? Or do you?”

“No, I just think it was a…surprise. Brian and me were talking about this recently, and it’s like he said, looking back it probably should have been obvious. You two have always been close. Even with him being last to join, you had an instant bond. Do you remember in the early days, you two would laugh at the stupidest things?”

Roger smiled to himself. “I remember. You know how quiet he was when he first joined. I thought if I did stupid things and joked around, it’d help make him feel comfortable. Then he started doing stupid pranks and jokes back, and then it was like we were trying to outdo each other.”

“Exactly. Well me and Brian sometimes felt a little…left out. Not in a bad way darling,” Freddie quickly added as Roger frowned. “We were just happy that you were helping make John feel at home in the band.”

Roger nodded so that Freddie knew he was listening.

“But listen, maybe it’s worth toning down the flirting a little. Just for a while. I’m presuming John wants to take things slowly at first anyway?”

Roger nodded.

“That makes sense. You’ve been friends for years, you wouldn’t want to attempt things too fast and run the risk of ruining things.”

“No of course not.”

Roger would take Freddie’s advice. Trouble was, he often flirted without realising he was doing it. Especially with John. Before they’d even gotten together, John was usually the most responsive to his flirting, so he used to do it for a joke. Then, he began to like flirting with him, so he did it more. And then that was when he’d started to like him more.

Freddie nodded, as if point proven. “Anyway, I think I’ve successfully managed to side-track you. What did you want to talk about again?”

“Urm…well…” Roger trailed off, trying to find the right words. He sighed when he couldn’t, forcing the next words out. He knew Freddie didn’t talk about this sort of thing, but he’d need to get him to, if he wanted the right sort of advice. “You’ve been with men, right?”

Freddie stayed sat back, watching Roger carefully. He was slowly becoming more open about it with the band, but it wasn’t something that was spoken about. But Freddie knew Roger wouldn’t mean any harm by asking.

“I have,” Freddie said quietly, dropping his gaze and reaching for the blusher from his make-up bag. Roger didn’t need much blusher, but Freddie liked the way it highlighted his cheekbones. “What’s your point, Roger?”

Roger fought a winch at Freddie’s tone, knowing he needed to ask the next question carefully.

“I wanted to ask if you’ve…gone all the way with men. If you’ve done…all of it.”

Roger cleared his throat, hoping his face didn’t give away how he was feeling about asking Freddie these sorts of questions.

“Yes. Again, why?”

“Because me and John have only kissed.” Roger said, meeting Freddie’s curious eyes. “And I thought you’d be the best person to ask about how to…move things up a gear.”

Freddie snorted. “I didn’t think I’d see the day where Roger Taylor of all people would need sex tips from me.”

“Hilarious,” Roger said, rolling his eyes and not appreciating Freddie’s teasing. “This is different. I’ve not been with a man before, not like that.”

“Well other than the different plumbing, it’s virtually the same thing, dear.”

Roger groaned in response, wondering why he thought coming to Freddie was a good idea.

“Have you ever thought about what it would be like with a man?”

Roger nodded in response. Might as well be honest. “Once or twice. But they were just fleeting thoughts. Then I’d usually find some woman to fuck, and I wouldn’t think about it again for a while.”

Freddie nodded. “Okay. So are you and John exclusive? Have you had that conversation yet?”

“No. But I want to be. Obviously he needs to break it off with Veronica. But I guess I kind of assumed we would be, especially as I don’t think John’s been with a man before either.”

“Okay. Are you nervous? Is that why you want some advice?”

“Sort-of,” Roger said, not wanting to make too much of a big deal out of it. “I want to make it good. For both of us. And that means knowing what to do when we…get there.”

Freddie nodded, relaxing now that he knew Roger wanted genuine advice about this. “Okay, what sorts of things do you want to know? Technique, the kinds of toys you can get, certain things men like, certain kinks men have—”

“Yep,” Roger interrupted quickly. “To all of them.”

“Okay. I’ll start with technique. What part of sex do you want advice on? I assume you don’t need advice when it comes to hand jobs.”

“Why?”

Freddie rolled his eyes. “Really? I would have thought that’d be obvious, given that you’re a man. Unfortunately, having lived with you in the past and stayed in hotel rooms just down the hall from you, I know you’re familiar with masturbation—”

“Yes thank you, Fred—”

“Maybe you’ll remember this embarrassment and take pity on the rest of us by being quieter in future.” Freddie huffed unsympathetically. “Anyway, my advice for that one would be just to remember what you like and try it on Deaky. I’m sure whatever the two of you end up doing, he’ll enjoy it, because it’s with you.”

Roger didn’t quite share that confidence.

“Okay. How about…blowjobs?”

He’d had a fair few himself, but couldn’t say that he remembered much about their technique. He’d been too busy enjoying it. He wanted that for John.

“Well, some men like it when you do it slowly, some like it faster. Men usually like it when you switch between using your hand and your mouth. Or whilst you’re giving him a blowjob, use your hand to play with his balls, or…use your fingers to fuck his arse, whilst you suck him off.”

Roger couldn’t stop the laugh at the way Freddie worded that. He was just so honest. Freddie laughed a little too, shrugging his shoulders.

“I know it sounds crude darling, but it was the easiest way I could think to word it.”

“I’d rather you be honest about all of this, Fred. Even if I wasn’t expecting you to be quite so blunt.”

“What can I say dear? You three know I’m nothing if not, honest.” Freddie said with a grin. “Oh, and another thing. Men like it when you roll your tongue against the head too. That usually gets men all hot under the collar. Just…be confident too. He’ll like it more if you take the lead a little.”

Roger nodded, so that Freddie knew he was taking it all in.

“In terms of sex, don’t force it. Let it happen naturally, and when both of you feel ready. Be honest the whole time, whatever you choose to do first. If you don’t like something, say so. Or if you want to make sure you’re making Deaky feel good, ask him. You two have got the advantage in that if it is both of your first times, you can learn together. Also, and I can’t stress this enough. Use protection. There are a lot of men who don’t bother, but just think of it in the same way you would if you were with a woman.”

“Okay.”

“Lube makes everything feel great too, and not just for sex. Go easy too. It can be a little painful at first. But only until you get used to it.” He quickly added as Roger frowned. “It’s a bit like having sex with a woman and it’s her first time. The body adjusts. But lube makes it more bearable. The guy I first slept with. I was lucky. He was kind. I told him it was my first time, and he could see I was nervous, so he gave me a hand job to distract me until I got used to the feel of him.”

Roger smiled a little. “Good to know.”

“Try not to worry about any of it too much either. Whatever happens you’re best friends first. It means you’ll be less selfish with each other.”

“Thanks Fred. That’s actually been…really helpful.”

Freddie shrugged, a smile on his lips. “That’s alright dear. Glad to know I could be useful. Not to mention, I can now proudly brag that I’ve given sex advice to Roger Taylor, the biggest rock and roll tart going. Well, second to me of course.”

“I’m really not that bad, Fred.” Roger said with a roll of his eyes.

Freddie just smiled, patting his face condescendingly. “Sure you’re not, darling. Right, we’d better get you’re make up done, before Deaky worries that I’ve finally murdered you. Or fucked you, one or the other.”

Roger snorted. “In your dreams, Mercury.”

“Oh trust me, in yours, blondie.”

o-o-o

 

Roger was excited for New York. Freddie always said that he found the city more freeing than any other they’d been to. In New York, nobody cared whether you were gay, straight, or anything in between. Freddie also knew the best places in the city from experience. They all shared their fill of nights out, but Freddie had one of the craziest lifestyles.

They arrived in the evening, a day before their shows began.

Roger had asked Freddie in advance if he could show him around some of the places he usually ventured. He wanted to go to them with John. The kinds of places where nobody cared who they were. The kind where he could sit in a dark corner and kiss him all night, and nobody would blink an eye.

They’d been here a month already, and things had progressed a little.

No more than touching through their clothes, and heavy kissing sessions, but it had been enough to get them both feeling flustered. Because of that, Roger’s thoughts had been growing dirtier by the day. Roger definitely felt as if they were ready to move things up a gear.

Brian had gone back to the hotel after they’d had a few drinks at a local bar, and Freddie had made it clear to Paul that he didn’t want him coming along. Roger was grateful. The last thing he wanted was for Paul to be there. He wouldn’t feel have felt comfortable, knowing that he couldn’t keep anything like that a secret.

The club Freddie had taken them to wasn’t too bad. It was loud, and they were playing disco, but Roger wasn’t going to let that put him off on this occasion. It meant that John would dance, and he was all for that, if it meant that he got to grind up against John for the evening.

Roger suddenly frowned, as he noticed most of the people in the club were men. He leaned towards Freddie whilst they waited at the bar to get a drink. “Is this a gay bar?”

“No, of course not.” Freddie leaned in to shout back. “I wouldn’t throw you in at the deep end like that. Not yet anyway. I actually think you’d really like a gay club, especially now you two are practically fucking anyway.”

Freddie grinned as Roger flushed a little in response to Freddie’s crudeness.

“This place is a little in between. People who come here are more liberally minded. You could be gay, straight, bi, trans or whatever the fuck you wanted darling, and people wouldn’t give a damn.” Freddie grinned. “But sadly, more men seem to come here, which is a shame because I’ve met some kinky women in my time.”

“I’m sure you have, Freddie.” Roger said, laughing at Freddie’s words. Freddie had always been the best kind of bad influence.

They each ordered a beer, and a round of shots. Roger was already a little drunk from the after-party and was still coming down from the adrenaline of performing live.

“Right. I’m off to go and mingle. Holla if you need anything, darlings.” Freddie shouted over the music with a smile. “And when I say anything, I mean _anything_. So if you run out of condoms, Roger—”

“Considerate as always, Fred,” John interrupted with a smile. “But I’m going to stop you right there.”

Freddie just shrugged. “Suit yourselves, dears.”

Roger watched him disappear into the crowd with a shake of his head. “He’s a one-off, isn’t he?”

“That’s our Fred.” John agreed with a grin, as they drank their second round of beers. “Well. Looks like it’s just us.”

Roger smiled, moving closer to hear John easier over the music. “Looks like it is.”

They finished their drinks, and Roger was starting to feel a bit bolder, thanks to the amount of alcohol he’d had. Freddie said this was the sort of place where you didn’t have to hold back, and he wanted to make the most of tonight. Especially as it meant they could be as all over each other as they liked.

He leaned closer to John again, pressing his hand to his back to steady himself. “Fancy a dance then, sweetheart?”

John pulled back to look at Roger in surprise. Not just because Roger wasn’t usually one for dancing, unless he’d had quite a few drinks already, which he was guessing he’d already had by this point. But also, because of the choice of music playing.

“Dance? But it’s disco. You _hate_ disco.”

Roger shrugged, moving closer again to whisper in John’s ear. “It’s true, I do. But you don’t. And it gives me an excuse to check out that amazing arse of yours, hopefully whilst you’re grinding on me.”

John shivered at the huskiness of Roger’s voice, before pulling him forwards by his jacket so that he could reach his lips. He kissed Roger firmly, his hands moving into his hair. Roger moaned softly as he pushed himself up against John, feeling how all of this was affecting him already. He had a good feeling about the way tonight would go.

John eventually pulled away, a sappy smile on his face before he moved to whisper in Roger’s ear. “Go on then. I’ll check out your amazing arse on the way there. Fair is fair, after all.”

Roger didn’t have to be told twice. He grinned, grabbing hold of John’s hand and pulling him towards the direction of the dancefloor.

They didn’t stay for long. Mostly because neither of them couldn’t wait to get back to their hotel room after all of that dancing. Roger was so glad he’d been smart enough to get a room with John.

Roger was on him before John had even managed to turn the key in their lock. He giggled, his head feeling a little woozy from all the drink and from Roger’s kisses, as Roger pressed more kisses from his jaw down to his throat, and back up again. Finally—though god knows how—he managed to unlock the door, and he kicked it open, before kicking it closed behind them, as Roger’s mouth pressed back to John’s, deepening the kiss instantly and making them both sigh in delight.

Roger was quick.

John had barely noticed Roger undressing him, until Roger’s fingers were already on the last button of his shirt. His hands pressed to the smooth skin of his stomach, past his chest and up the slight trail of dark hair, and to his shoulders, and John shivered deeply at the touch. Roger moved to slide the shirt off of John’s shoulders and down his arms. John broke away from Roger long enough to throw his shirt on the floor, before descending on him again.

He couldn’t get enough. He didn’t think he ever would.

Roger’s hands fell to John’s belt. He undid the buckle, before moving quickly to the button on John’s jeans, and then the zipper. Then he was sliding them down, along with his underwear, and any thought John had in his head disappeared as Roger’s hand brushed against his erection.

Roger’s mouth went dry at the sight of John naked. It was something he’d thought about for a while, but his mind hadn’t done him any justice.

He licked his lips, pushing John back against the bed. He took a moment to marvel at him, his dark hair framing his flushed face, his usually green eyes darkened with desire, and his mouth bruised from their rough kisses. He was hard with desire. Roger didn’t think any woman compared to the image in front of him.

He started to undo his own belt, practically tearing at the buckle, but John’s hand swiped his out of the way as he leaned forwards on the bed. He watched Roger through his eyelashes as he undid the button on Roger’s jeans and then with an adorably shy smile, undid the zipper agonizingly slowly.

Agonizing for Roger, at least. He was practically straining to get out of his jeans.

Roger glared down at him in response. His voice was husky with desire as he spoke. “Not that I want to rush one moment of this, but are you taking the fucking piss, Deaky?”

John’s smile grew deeper, enjoying Roger’s frustration as he began to slide Roger’s jeans down, purposefully brushing against Roger through his underwear as he did.

Roger gasped loudly, closing his eyes and biting his lip hard at the contact.

“Deaky,” he whined longingly.

Roger took a shaky breath, before wriggling out of his jeans, kicking them off impatiently. He pushed John flat against the bed and moved over him, his legs on either side of his thighs as he sunk down onto his lap. They both groaned at the contact. Roger could feel him against his underwear, and he felt himself grow harder. It felt good to know that Roger was just as affected by all this.

“Do you like that, Deaky?” Roger asked, his voice deep and raspy. “How about this?”

Roger soaked up John’s moans as he started to thrust, grinding his hips against his. John’s eyes closed at the sensation as his hands moved to press against Roger’s hips, guiding his movements and feeling his head spin at the sensation. He couldn’t imagine how much better it would feel to have Roger inside of him when it already felt this good. It was that thought that had his hands stilling Roger’s hips, feeling like he wouldn’t last long if Roger kept grinding against _him_ like that.

Roger stared at John, confusion and hurt obvious in his eyes.

“Why did you—”

“It was too much,” John gasped out. “I want tonight to last as long as possible. And I can’t do that if you’re grinding on top of me like that. I wouldn’t have lasted five minutes.”

Roger couldn’t keep the smile from his face at John’s words. It was the boost his ego needed, especially given that he’d never gone this far with a man before.

“Glad to see I have such an effect on you.” Roger said confidently, as he practically ripped his own shirt from his back and threw it somewhere across the room. He wanted this to last too, but he also wanted to feel the whole of John’s body against his.

Roger paused as John’s hand brushed against his cheek, the movement so gentle it almost startled him. His eyes locked with John’s, and he bit his lip, enjoying the way John was gazing at him. “You have no idea, Rog.”

He responded by moving forwards, pressing their bodies together as his mouth crashed against John’s, kissing him firmly and deeply with all the urgency he could muster. Roger didn’t think he’d ever wanted anyone more in his life.

With that thought in mind, his hand sunk lower, wrapping his hand around him.

Roger had no idea what he was doing. But he tried to remember all the advice Freddie had given him. He tried to remember the things he liked whenever he gave himself a hand job.

He started off slow, moving his hand up and down the length of him. John moaned loudly at Roger’s touch. Roger picked up the pace, enjoying the way John called out his name breathlessly. It made Roger wonder what else he could do to get John to make those sorts of noises.

Roger ducked his head, swiping his tongue against the head of John’s penis. John cried out loudly, his body thrashing in response.

“Rog,” John managed to groan out, his hands tangling themselves into Roger’s hair. Roger felt boldened by his reaction, bending down again and wrapping his mouth around him. He moaned as John’s hands tugged at the strands of Roger’s hair, and John shivered at the way Roger’s moan vibrated the length of him.

“Rog, I…I’m close.” John warned, one hand pulling Roger away by his shoulder.

As much as he loved what Roger was doing, he didn’t want to force Roger into a position where John came into his mouth, and he’d have to decide whether to spit or swallow. Especially not for their first time being like this together. He wanted tonight to be good for the both of them. He wanted to have his turn, to make Roger feel as amazing as he’d already made John feel.

Roger had enough sense to replaced his mouth with his hand, speeding up his movements and swallowing John’s moans by silencing him with a deep and passionate kiss. He moved to his ear, whispering breathlessly. “ “Come for me, John.”

That was all it took.

John cried out, his legs twitching and his feet arching into the bed, as that familiar coil hit him hard and fast. He was overcome with the most intense pleasure he’d ever felt in his life.

Roger took in the sight of John, sprawled against their bed, face flushed, his teeth biting down hard on his bottom lip. He wished he could be bothered to reach for his camera, but he didn’t want to move off of him. Instead, he grabbed a couple of tissues from the bedside table and helped John clean off, before moving to lay next to him on the bed, and watching him catch his breath.

Once John wasn’t as breathless, he turned to look at Roger, a sparkle in his eye. “I hope you realise it’s your turn.”

Roger couldn’t help but smile as John’s hand a began a trail down from his chest. “Is it really?”

“You know very well it is, Taylor.” John said deeply. His fingers dipped below the waistband of Roger’s underwear and Roger bit his lip in response.

“I’m going to make you feel so good, Rog.” John whispered huskily, as he bent his head to capture his lips, swallowing Roger’s moan as John’s hand began to move up the length of Roger.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reaaaaally hope you all enjoyed that chapter. I'm always nervous about writing smut as I don't think I'm very good, but hopefully it was worth the wait. Also, I went to see 'Yesterday' in cinemas this evening. If you haven't heard of it, it's a rom-com film with the Beatles music included. You should definitely go and watch it if you can, it's amazing! Obviously not as amazing as Bohemian Rhapsody, which I love! Anyway, give us a review and let me know what you thought of the chapter! :)


	11. Put Out The Fire

John definitely lived up to his promise of making it good. They spent the night mostly just touching each other, getting to know what the other liked and didn’t. That was enough. Roger wanted to memorize every part of John’s body, every freckle, scar and wrinkle. Not to mention every sigh or moan John made as Roger’s hand lingered against his smooth skin.

Roger knew no matter how good it felt, it would take time to get used to being _together_ like that. But he also felt a flutter of excitement at the thought of experiencing all those things with John.

Roger had woken early. He didn’t mind. He watched John as he slept, finding the soft rise and fall of his chest soothing somehow. He wasn’t sure what was wrong with him. He’d never felt the need to do such a thing around any of his female conquests. But then John was different.

Roger flinched at the sound of knocking at the door. John barely batted an eyelid.

He stood quickly, grabbing his underwear from the floor and quickly putting it on. It was probably Freddie or Brian this early. He moved towards the door and looked in the peephole to make sure Prenter wasn’t with them. He definitely didn’t want Prenter to catch him half-naked. Roger might have woken in a good mood, but one look at a still-sleeping, naked John, and a half-naked Roger would have told him everything. Roger refused to give him the satisfaction.

As it turned out, it wasn’t either three of them. It was Veronica. She was stood next to John Reid, who looked more than a little tense.

“Shit,” Roger cursed under his breath. What the bloody hell was she doing here?

He moved back towards the bed, shaking John gently as he whispered his name. John groaned, but didn’t stir at first. But they knocked again, so Roger shook his arm again.

John eyes flickered open, confusion in them as he took in Roger’s head bent towards him. His voice was all sleepy and gruffly as he spoke. “Rog…what’s wrong?”

“Veronica’s outside.”

That seemed to wake John up.

His eyes widened, sitting up quickly as he pulled back the duvet, grabbing for his own underwear.

“I don’t get it. Why would she be here?”

“How should I know?” Roger asked quietly, finding the frustration leaking into his voice. He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he watched John grabbing for his t-shirt. He had a feeling that whatever the reason for Veronica turning up unexpectedly, it was important. He tried to keep his expression neutral as he watched John cramming the rest of Roger’s clothes back into his suitcase to the side of the room.

“Right. Well. I’m guessing this is just going to be another example of bad timing.”

He cursed inwardly at how miserable he sounded. Particularly when John stopped and turned to look at Roger from the foot of the bed, guilt in his eyes.

“Rog—”

Someone knocked again, and Roger found himself shaking his head. “I’ll…wait in the bathroom. It wouldn’t look great if she found us like this. We’re close, but I’m not sure we’d get away with us being ‘ _friends who share a bed half-naked close_ ’.”

His rubbish attempt at making light of the situation fell flat.

John dropped his gaze, forcing a reluctant nod. “Whatever reason she’s here…I’ll tell her about—”

“Don’t,” Roger said quickly, not wanting to hear promises when neither of them knew the reason she was even here. “Just…see what she has to say first.”

“Okay.”

“Right. I guess I’ll…just be in there then.”

Roger swallowed down the surge of humiliation at having to hide in the hotel bathroom like he was some dirty secret, avoiding John’s eyes as he turned and disappeared behind the bathroom door.

John had wanted to reassure Roger that whatever she had to say, today was the perfect opportunity to be honest. But then he remembered Roger’s words, and so he stayed silent, feeling awful as he watched Roger disappear behind the bathroom door.

Even still, after everything that happened between them, John was sure that there was nothing that Veronica could have said to—

“John, are you in there?”

John stood up, flattening his hair automatically at the sound of John Reid’s voice. He grabbed his dressing gown to wrap around him, before drawing in a deep breath and moving to open the door.

John Reid smiled apologetically as he noticed John in his dressing gown. “Sorry John, I didn’t think this could wait.”

John shook his head, rubbing the sleep from his eyes for good measure. Reid knew already that John was a bit of a heavy sleeper.

“It’s fine.” John said, his eyes falling on Veronica. She was watching him closely, a worried look in her eyes. “Veronica…what are you doing here?”

Reid spoke first. “She needed to talk to you. It’s important.”

Veronica pursed her lips for a moment. “Could I talk to you alone?”

John nodded quickly, opening the door wider for her. “Of course.”

Reid watched Veronica head past John in the doorway, a disapproving look on his face. “You can catch me up later.”

John nodded, his eyebrows furrowed. He didn’t have time to ask, not in front of Veronica. He had the feeling the look was to do with the knowledge that John and Roger was together, and the sudden appearance of Veronica.

John shut the door instead, watching Veronica head further into the room. She looked towards the two suitcases by the side of the room, and John cleared his throat nervously.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, fine…actually no, not really.” She said, before sniffing, a weird look on her face. “Why does it smell so…weird in here?”

“Oh…erm…yeah,” John stammered, avoiding her eyes as he moved to pull back the curtains and open the window. He could feel himself growing redder as he tried to think of an excuse. “The hotel turned up the heating full blast, so it got a bit…sweaty last night.”

It was a rubbish excuse, but he didn’t have time to think of anything better.

She nodded as she sat down on the chair in front of the dressing table. He couldn’t tell whether she believed him.

He cleared his throat again as he brushed his messy hair behind his shoulders. “At the risk of sounding rude, what are you doing here?”

She brushed her hands against her jeans, and he noticed they were shaking slightly.

“I know it’s weird of me to just appear like this.” She said, tucking a strand of her dark hair behind her ear. “But I knew you weren’t going to be back in the UK for another three months, and I couldn’t wait that long to talk to you about this. It’s too important.”

“Okay,” John said with a frown when she suddenly stopped talking.

“So I managed to get hold of your manager, and he got me a seat on the first flight here so I could come and talk to you.”

It must have been important. Reid wouldn’t have done that for Veronica unless it was.

“So I’ll cut a long story short. I was late last week. Getting my period, I mean. Iso I decided to…buy a test to make sure.”

John stood straighter, feeling his stomach lurch at her words. “And?”

“And it was positive,” she said, looking up at him blankly. “I’m pregnant, John.”

Any words that she might have said after that was drowned out by the ringing in his ears.

No matter how many times they’d slept together in the first few weeks of their relationship, he’d always made sure they used protection. And yet, it seemed she’d gotten pregnant anyway.

He swallowed heavily, suddenly feeling light on his feet. He stumbled towards the bed and all but  collapsed into a sitting position as he tried to get his head around it.

“John?”

He looked towards her, noticing she looked as nervous as he probably looked himself.

“I…I don’t understand,” he stammered. “We always used—”

“I know,” she said quickly. She shrugged in response. “Mum took me to the hospital to make sure the test was definitely right. Sometimes you get inaccurate readings. According to the nurse, even using protection isn’t a hundred percent guaranteed against unexpected pregnancies.”

This was actually happening.

He ran a hand through the top of his hair, pushing it back from his face as he tried to find the right words.

“So…what did you want to do?”

She shook her head, her gaze falling to the floor as she fiddled with her hands. “I…I don’t really know.”

He nodded in response. “Well look, I’ll support you whatever. You know that.”

They hadn’t been together long, and this pregnancy wasn’t planned, but he wasn’t one to push her one way or the other. Especially as it was her that this was happening to.

“Dad always said he was against people who chose to have an… _abortion_.” She said quietly, closing her eyes briefly as she said the word. “He thought it was as good as killing a baby, and that everything was supposed to happen for a reason.”

“Right.” John said carefully. “What about your Mum?”

“Well…she’s always believed that pregnancy out of marriage is a sin, an opinion she’s made all too clear ever since she found out, so…”

He nodded as she trailed off, not sure what to say.

She groaned quietly, placing her head in her hands. “Oh I don’t know what to do.”

He frowned at her turmoil, standing to go and kneel besides her. He moved away her hands from her face, and she looked at him, uncertainty in her eyes.

“Look, forget about your parents for a minute. This is your life. Whatever they believe in, you’re the one this is happening to.”

She nodded once, biting her lip.

“Do you even want children?”

It wasn’t something they’d discussed yet, and John found himself curious.

She didn’t respond for a minute, taking the time to think about her answer. “Well…yes. But not like this. I always had it in my head that if it was to happen, I’d be settled down and married first.”

“And now that it’s happened?”

“I don’t know,” she frowned, her eyes falling to their hands. John still had hold of one of hers, and was rubbing a soothing circle against her skin. It was oddly comforting to her. “I always imagined me having all these children when I was younger, especially given that I’m an only child.”

“How many did you imagine?”

“I don’t know, three or four maybe.” She said with a shrug. “Enough of them that they had company growing up, you know? Being a child without siblings can be a little…lonely.”

He nodded in response. He had a sister, but he still understood that feeling. Especially after his own father died when John was so young.

But then Veronica shook her head, her eyebrows furrowing together. “This is such a mess! We barely even know each other!”

“I know.”

“This couldn’t have come at a worst time. You’re in a band, your career’s just taking off—”

“I know.”

Confusion etched her features as she watched him. “How are you so calm about this?”

He shrugged in response, because he wasn’t sure himself. maybe it was because he respected her enough to know that whatever happened, this would be happening to her, not him. Yes, if she decided to keep it, he would be a father and he would undoubtedly support her. But she would be the one carrying this baby.

Even still, his Mum wasn’t going to be all that pleased about getting a woman pregnant outside of marriage either.

“I don’t know. Maybe because whatever opinion I have about this, it isn’t my decision to make, not really. It’s your body, and I’m not going to be one of those idiots who tries to tell you what you should do just to make my life easier. It’s what’s best for you that matters. I’ll support you whatever you decide.”

“Thank you.” She smiled a little at that, as she gave his hand a squeeze. “That means a lot. Well how about you? Have you even thought about children yourself?”

“A little. Again, it’s the same thing as you. I thought if it ever happened then it would be after Queen had released a few more albums, and I’d have settled down with someone too.”

She nodded, biting her lip again.

“Well this isn’t very ideal then, is it?” She’d said it lightly, a rubbish attempt at breaking the tension in the room. At least it got them both smiling a little.

“You could say that,” John snorted. He caught her stifling a yawn and frowned in response. “You must be tired. You’ve probably spent most of the night travelling, right?”

She nodded. “I’m fine though. Besides, we still have things to talk about. I don’t suppose there’s a decent café around here though? I’ve heard America’s not too shabby when it comes to making coffee.”

He smiled a little at her words. “Yeah, we can go downstairs. It’s only the hotel café but it’s nice, and it’s just a bit more…private than finding somewhere on the street. We’ll be able to talk properly.”

She nodded. “Okay. Sounds good.”

“Okay,” he said softly, squeezing her hand once before releasing it. “Just let me get dressed first.”

She nodded, watching him step away from her and rummage around his suitcase for a pair of jeans. He took off his dressing gown and quickly pulled on his jeans.

Roger waited until he heard the hotel room door open and close before he stumbled up from the floor. He’d been sat against the cool tiles, the hard plane of the wall against his back.

He couldn’t get his head around it. Veronica being bloody pregnant. What were the chances? If Veronica turning up like that the day after him and John had taken things further wasn’t a sign, then he didn’t know what was.

He felt angry. Roger felt the urge to punch something. But he knew he couldn’t. It wouldn’t look good if he left the room in a mess. Not to mention the fact that they still had three months of touring left, and he couldn’t afford to fuck his hands up by punching a wall.

So he settled to go for a drink. Or moreover, several drinks.

He grabbed for the t-shirt he’d been wearing last night, a jacket and a pair of jeans and practically flung himself from the room. He was so focused on going to the nearest pub and not seeing John and Veronica that he didn’t register that it was Brian he bumped into in reception in his haste to get out of the hotel.

Roger moved past him without looking to see it was Brian, but Brian caught his arm.

“Hey Rog, what’s wrong?”

Roger flinched at Brian’s voice, pulling away to shake his head. He didn’t want to talk about it, not here. Not when Veronica and John could appear at any moment.

Brian frowned at Roger’s expression. “Let me guess. Prenter’s said something again, hasn’t he—”

“No,” Roger said quickly. “No, it’s not Prenter.”

Brian nodded once, worry still in his eyes. Whatever had happened, he could see Roger was upset. But maybe talking about it here wasn’t the best idea.

“Did you want to go somewhere to talk about it?”

“Not really,” Roger snorted. “What I want is to go to the nearest pub and get a drink. Are you coming with or not?”

“Yeah, I’ll come.” Brian said carefully.

Roger lead them through the vestibule doors of the hotel and out onto the street. Brian kept up with Roger’s pace easily enough though. It was the positive of having long legs.

The nearest bar was less than a minute’s walk from the hotel. Roger headed inside, and Brian followed him in warily, conscious of the fact that it was still only just before midday.

Roger ordered a large whiskey and a bottle of beer.

“I didn’t want a beer—”

“Good, because it’s not for you.”

“Right,” Brian said quietly, watching the barman come back with both of Roger’s drinks. “I’ll have a glass of water then please.”

Roger downed the whiskey first. He grabbed his bottle of beer and headed over to a booth in the corner, knowing Brian would follow. He did, sitting opposite Roger and frowning in concern as Roger started sipping on his beer.

“Go easy, Rog.”

“Why? I’m not hurting anyone.” Roger snapped angrily as he took another big gulp of his beer. “Besides, you can always fuck off back to the hotel if you don’t like it.”

Brian narrowed his eyes in response. “Is that the thanks I get for coming here and making sure you don’t get so drunk that you won’t remember staggering onto the stage tonight?”

Roger sighed, running a frustrated hand through his hair as he dropped his gaze to the table. “Sorry. That was out of order.”

“Forget it,” Brian said with a wave of his hand. That was the least of his concerns right now. “I know this is all still relatively new to you, but was the gay bar Freddie took you to that bad?”

“It wasn’t a gay bar!” Roger insisted firmly. Then he hesitated a moment, fingering the label on his beer. “And no. It was fine.”

“Just fine?”

“Well, we didn’t end up staying for that long.”

“Why, was it not your scene?”

Freddie was known to hang out at some crazy places, and Brian didn’t think Roger would have been bothered if he’d taken him somewhere like that. Not when he was with Freddie. But maybe along with everything going on, Roger didn’t feel that comfortable being somewhere like that with John.

“No, no, it wasn’t that.” Roger said quickly, before rolling his eyes at his bottle of beer. “Well. They were playing disco, but I wasn’t that bothered in the end.”

He smiled a little, despite himself, remembering the way John had been dancing against him on the dancefloor.

Brian raised his eyebrows, uncertain whether he wanted to know what that meant as he sipped on his glass of water. “You weren’t bothered? How drunk were you?”

“Only tipsy,” Roger said quietly. He’d been drunk at the club, but he hadn’t taken long to sober up. He hadn’t wanted to do anything with John whilst he was so drunk that he couldn’t have appreciated the things that were happening.

“So what, you just went back to the hotel?” Brian asked, before suddenly stopping talking, realisation on his features. He hesitated, staring at his glass of water as he tried to find the right words. “Hang on, did…did you and John—”

“Things happened, yeah.” Roger interrupted quickly. He felt just as happy as he imagined Brian did talking about this sort of thing. His eyes dropped to his bottle of beer again before taking another long sip.

“So that still doesn’t explain why you’ve been like a bear with a sore head this morning.” Brian said, confusion in his voice.

Roger stayed quiet, his fingers pressing to the label on his beer bottle again.

Brian rolled his eyes towards the ceiling, trying to think of how to word his next question. It wasn’t exactly something he wanted to ask, but given the state of Roger, he felt he needed to.

“So…did it not go as planned? Or was it not as good as you—”

“Yeah that wasn’t the problem.”

Roger hadn’t wanted to get into this with Brian, but he felt the need to justify it now.

Roger ran a hand through his hair. “It was…fine. Better than.”

Brian wasn’t sure he was convinced, but he realised it was probably because Roger felt uncomfortable talking to Brian about this. A feeling Brian shared.

Roger took another long sip of his beer, before slamming it back down on the table in frustration.

“Not that it fucking matters anymore. None of that will.”

Brian shot him a look, frowning in response. “I don’t get it. Why? Me and Freddie won’t care, as long as you two don’t do anything to fuck up the band.”

“I know, I know. It’s not that—”

“If it’s about Prenter, you know nobody really cares what he thinks. And he isn’t our manager, so it doesn’t matter anyway. Reid seems fine with it so that’s all that matters.”

“Again, it’s not that.”

Brian looked back at Roger to see he was still avoiding his eyes. “Then what is it?”

Roger hesitated, swigging back the rest of his beer before slamming it back on the table and forcing the next words out. “Veronica turned up this morning.”

“What?” Brian said shocked. “That’s a bit—”

“Weird? It gets better.” Roger huffed without any humour. He twirled his beer bottle around in a circle with his hand. “She’s pregnant, apparently.”

That finally explained Roger’s horrendous mood.

“Oh god Rog.” Brian said, unsure of what to say to that. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why? It’s not me who’s pregnant.” He said in an attempt at a poor joke.

Brian smiled sadly at him, knowing he was trying to be funny.

“No, but it makes the situation tricky.”

“How is that?”

Roger knew the answer already, but he’d already asked the question before he could think. He blamed it on the alcohol.

“You know why.” Brian said, giving him a look as he watched Roger closely.

Of course he knew why. If Veronica kept this baby, there was no way John wouldn’t be there for her. He couldn’t do that properly if him and Roger continued being with each other. John would feel too guilty. If she got rid of it, it was virtually the same thing. John would support her through it, which would in turn bring them closer, and was guaranteed to make John feel guilty about the two of them being together whilst she’d been back in England finding out she was pregnant in the first place.

The trouble was that they’d already over-stepped that boundary. Roger was afraid that even if they went back to being friends, it wouldn’t be the same. Not after they’d shared that sort of intimacy.

“So is she…keeping it?”

Roger shook his head. “I don’t know. They were discussing it at length back in the hotel room.”

Brian frowned. “Where was—”

“I was in the bathroom…she knocked whilst we’d been asleep, and we thought that if she saw us like that, then—”

“Then she’d work the two of you out,” Brian finished for him. “So…that must have been…awkward.”

Roger nodded in response, because it had been. He’d felt mortified hiding in the bathroom like he was some dirty secret.

“Where are they now?”

“In the restaurant. Back at the hotel.”

Brian nodded. “To talk about what they’ll do next?”

“Presumably.”

“Okay well we’ll have to call a group meeting once they’ve discussed everything. We’ll need to know what they agreed to so that we know where to go from here and how it could affect the band’s reputation—”

“Are you being serious?” Roger huffed angrily. Don’t get him wrong, he’d thought the same thing. He just didn’t have the audacity to say it aloud. “Yes, I get we’ll probably have to cross that bridge when we come to it, but I’ve got a feeling that that’s not exactly going to be high on her priority list right now.”

“No. You’re right. That was a stupid thing to say.”

Roger shrugged. “No…no, I guess you’re right. You’re only saying what we’ll all be thinking. You’re just approaching it from a…non-emotional standpoint. Probably.”

He knew he wasn’t. Roger still hadn’t managed to get his head around it yet.

They were silent for a long moment, and Brian gave Roger a sympathetic smile just as Roger looked up. Roger winched automatically.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“You know what,” Roger grumbled as he reached for his packet of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. He really needed one right about now. He lit it up and breathed it in, and instantly felt a little calmer. “Don’t look at me like…like—”

Brian sighed in response. “Like what, Rog?”

“Like you feel sorry for me!” Roger snapped, running a hand through his hair again, kicking the table in frustration, and missing the way Brian shot a look around the room to make sure nobody was looking their way. “Fuck this!”

“Look I get that it’s shit, I do.” Brian said softly, leaning across the table so that nobody else heard their conversation. Roger had his head in his hands, not looking at him. “And I get that it’s bad timing—”

Roger groaned in response. “Way to make me feel better—”

“But talk to him, see what he says first, before you get yourself into a state.” Brian interrupted quickly. “Whatever happens, whatever he says, you were friends before you two started all of this. Best friends. That’s worth holding onto.”

Roger looked up at him, a sad look in his eyes. “You don’t have to tell me that.”

“No, I know _you_ know that already. I just meant…whatever gets decided, even if…whatever you have now ends, I can’t imagine you two not being friends. So just…try not to worry. Because it’ll all be fine in the end. I believe that. And you should too.”

“Right,” Roger nodded, taking another long drag of his cigarette. He decided he’d done enough talking about this for one day.  “Well I don’t know about you, but I need another drink.”

o-o-o

 

Veronica stayed the night before she flew back to England.

After spending the afternoon talking to John Reid, John headed straight to the venue for their gig. He had no time to talk to Roger properly, not when they had Freddie, Brian and Prenter lingering around them.

Nevertheless, he found himself biting on a nail as Freddie did his make-up. Until Freddie slapped away his hand that was, telling him he’d end up ruining his nails.

Roger could barely seem to look at him on stage.

Even when John did his usual dance routine on the drum riser along to _Keep Yourself Alive_ , Roger kept his gaze low, banging on his drums far too hard. The only way to relieve some of the tension he was feeling bubbling up inside of him without seriously hurting himself or anyone else.

He paid the price for that later though.

John Reid had given John permission to head back to the hotel straight after the gig, so he’d missed the frustration Freddie and Brian had directed towards Roger at the state of his hands. They were blistering from where he’d drummed too hard, and Brian had to pop them so that they didn’t infect and wrapped it with some bandage from the venue’s medical box. All the while, Freddie was moaning at him for holding his drumsticks too hard.

Brian filled Freddie in about Veronica whilst Roger was getting a shower, much to his annoyance. But Brian’s excuse was that he felt Freddie needed to know given that this could affect the band. At least Freddie was more understanding towards Roger messing up his hand after that though.

The three of them had to stay out to mingle with the press at the after-party even though Roger was in no mood to socialise.

He’d wanted to go back to the hotel with Brian as soon as it was over, but Freddie dragged him out instead, insisting that the two of them go out and get absolutely shit-faced. Roger didn’t have it in him to say no. He was still feeling conflicted about everything, and now his hands were hurting like hell to top it all off.

Freddie took him to a bar not far from the venue. It was more of a club, and the music was loud, but the songs were more the kind that Roger liked, so he found he didn’t mind all that much.

Freddie seemed to realise that the last thing Roger wanted to do was talk about everything, so he didn’t try to get him to. Instead, he ordered shot after shot, and Roger found himself only too willing to keep on downing them. In the end, he couldn’t remember going back to the hotel, but it had already been agreed that Roger would stay on Freddie’s sofa.

Freddie had the best room, and the sofa was more than big enough for Roger to spread himself out onto. Not that he cared after all of the drink he’d had.

He hadn’t managed to grab any of his things from his and John’s room. Luckily, Freddie had taken pity on Roger and let him borrow a pair of his pyjama bottoms.

Roger had been almost paralytic by the time they’d gotten back to the hotel. Freddie wasn’t far behind, but he was sober enough to make sure Roger had a glass of water, and to help him put on the pyjama bottoms. It was hard work as all Roger wanted to do was sit and talk about John by that point, but somehow Freddie managed it.

In the end though, Freddie reluctantly sat up with Roger until he was sure he was sober enough that he wouldn’t throw up all over his hotel room. The whole time, Roger had been asking what Freddie thought John and Veronica was doing right now, and whether John would still want to keep sleeping together and what not.

Freddie didn’t really have an answer for any of it, but Roger seemed too drunk to really mind.

Roger felt like he’d been run over by a truck when he woke up. His mouth felt as dry as sand paper and his head was throbbing. He groaned before winching at the way the sound only made his head pound more. He reached out for the glass of water on the table, just as Freddie sashayed into the room with a silk dressing gown tied around himself.

Apart from Freddie’s hair being in a less than perfect state, he didn’t look anywhere near as bad as Roger felt.

“Morning Rog.” Freddie smiled as he headed over to the window and pulling opening the curtains. Roger blinked at the sudden brightness of the room as Freddie turned back and gave him a look. “Well I’m guessing you feel as fucking horrendous as you look, dear. No offence.”

Roger found himself far too hungover to give a shit at this moment in time. So he shrugged in response as he reached for his packet of cigarettes.

Roger forced himself to sit up properly, and Freddie moved to sit next to him, before winching in response. “Fucking hell, you smell like a brewery.”

“The compliments keep on coming, Fred.” Roger said dryly as he breathed in his cigarette.

“You might want to think about having a long-arse shower before John turns up.” Freddie didn’t add how if John saw the state Roger was in, he had a feeling he’d hold Freddie personally responsible.

Roger huffed in response. He wasn’t sure John would just turn up right now, but even still, he felt as if something had died in his mouth so he found himself nodding in response.

“Yeah, perhaps a shower would be good.”

It was whilst Roger was in the shower that John did turn up.

Freddie frowned at the sight of John stood outside his door. He didn’t look as if he’d gotten much sleep, and he ran a hand through his hair as Freddie looked him up and down.

“Is…is Roger here? Brian said he was still out with you when he came back to the hotel last night.”

Freddie nodded. “He’s in the shower. He’s slightly hungover.”

John frowned at that. “Right. I need to talk to him.”

“That doesn’t sound good.” Freddie said with a raised eyebrow. “You’d better come in.”

John sighed as Freddie opened the door wider for him. “How is he? Besides being hungover, I mean.”

Freddie shrugged as they both moved to sit on the sofa. “Feeling sorry for himself a little, I think. His hands were a fucking mess.”

Joh frowned. He didn’t need to ask why. He’d seen how hard Roger had been drumming last night, and he’d spent enough time having to wrap up Roger’s hands after getting blisters from gigs.

Roger was almost surprised to see John sat waiting for him on the sofa when he walked back into the living room. At least he was feeling slightly more human after his shower.

He was wearing one of Freddie’s tops and John felt a pang of guilt as he realised Roger hadn’t had access to his clothes since yesterday.

Freddie looked up to see Roger standing in the doorway, hair still damp around his face from the shower.

“On that note, I’m off to get dressed. Need to look my best for our tv interviews later darlings.” Freddie said chirpily.

Roger smiled a little, despite himself. It could be the most awkward situation going, and Freddie would know just what to say to break the atmosphere.

“How are you?” John asked once Freddie had escaped to the bathroom. His eyes lowered to Roger’s hand and he frowned automatically.

“It’s nothing. Barely hurts.” Roger lied quickly with a shrug. “You know what it’s like when I get too into my drumming. Anyway, I’m fine. You?”

“Fine,” John said, watching Roger carefully as he moved over to sit next to John on the sofa.

“Is she still here?”

John shook his head, looking away quickly. “No. I…dropped her off at the airport earlier this morning.”

Roger nodded.

“I’m sorry you had to stay in here last night.”

“It’s fine. I understand.”

John wanted to say that he hated Roger sleeping somewhere else. He wanted to tell him that he’d separated the beds into two singles because it didn’t feel right sleeping besides Veronica and not Roger, but he couldn’t seem to find the words. Not knowing what he’d come here to do.

Roger got there first anyway.

“So did you talk through what she’s planning on doing about the baby?”

John nodded, still avoiding his eyes. “She’s decided to keep it.”

Roger found that he wasn’t surprised, but it still hurt to hear him say it. Because he knew that that would probably mean the end to this. This baby complicated things.

“Right. So what will she do next?”

He wanted to ask what John would do, but he was too nervous about what answer he might get.

“She’ll go back to England, and stay with her Mum.” John answered, meeting Roger’s questioning gaze. “We spoke to Reid about it in depth early this morning. We’re going to try and keep her pregnancy under wraps. The three of us agreed the last thing we need is the press finding out, at the very least until this tour’s over anyway.”

“Do you think that will work?”

“I don’t see why not,” John said with a shrug. “The press don’t know anything about our relationship, and so long as we’re careful not to be seen together, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Roger nodded in response, trying to take it all in.

“We’ll discuss where we go from here when I get back. But I’ve made it clear that I’ll support her.”

They discussed the idea of marriage. It had been John to propose the idea, but Veronica didn’t want to feel as if she was trapping John. He was still young, and in a band and despite knowing that her Mum wanted them to marry for the sake of their child, they hadn’t been together that long. So they compromised and settled on talking more when John got back from the tour.

“Well I’m sure that’s a weight of her mind anyway.” Roger found himself saying bitterly. He cleared his throat, forcing the next words out. “So I’m guessing you’ve pretty much answered my next question.”

He wanted to say _about us_ , but the words got stuck in his throat.

John dropped his gaze to the floor and bit his lip hard.

He still wanted Roger. How could he not? But he needed to do the right thing. And that meant putting a stop to _them_.

“Rog whatever happens next between me and Veronica…she’s carrying my child.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think you do—”

“I’m not stupid. It’s not exactly something I could bloody forget—”

“I meant that you don’t know what that’s going to mean. Not really. When that baby comes, that’s going to change all of our lives for good.”

“Of course I know that.” Roger said with a sigh. “So what are you…going to be with her for the sake of this baby? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I’ll be there for her in whatever way she wants. She’s the one carrying this baby after all.”

“Oh come on,” Roger sighed before he could stop himself. “Look I get that all of this is a big deal, but if you really wanted to be with her like that then me and you wouldn’t have happened in the first place. Hearing that she was pregnant wouldn’t have been some massive shock, and you’d have proposed to her—”

“Well technically, I did.”

“What? You can’t be fucking serious? You actually proposed?”

“Yes, but not in the way you’re thinking,” John said quickly, feeling his cheeks redden at Roger’s gaze. “It was more of a…suggestion, more than a proposal. She didn’t want that anyway, not when we’ve not been together for such a short while.”

“Good, because it would have been fucking stupid!” Roger said before he could help himself.

John sighed in response. “I just thought that she would know for sure that I meant it when I said I’d be there for her. Not to mention it would give her financial stability for her and for the baby—”

“Fine, right I guess I get all of that.” Roger said reluctantly. “But we’ve still got the rest of this tour technically. That’s three whole months with each other. And then whatever happens after that, we’ll face when we get there—”

“No,” John said quickly, knowing where Roger was going with that instantly.

A part of him wanted to say yes. But he knew if he continues this thing with Roger, he wouldn’t be able to stop. He’d want more and more, and it would mean one of them getting hurt. It was better to end things now. If they spent the next three months sleeping together, he wouldn’t be able to just go back to being friends. He’d have to have space away from the band to get over Roger, and that would shine a spotlight on the very thing they were supposed to be keeping secret.

“You know I can’t say yes to that, right?”

“Why not?” Roger asked in frustration.

“Because it wouldn’t be right! On either of us.” John said, unable to believe he had to explain this to him. “Not to mention Veronica—”

“But she wouldn’t have to know.”

“No, but we’d all know. The band would know—”

Roger rolled his eyes at John’s words. “Oh come on, you know as well as I do that Brian and Freddie would never tell Veronica anything. What goes on tour stays on tour, right? That goes for all of us.”

“That still doesn’t make it right.” John frowned.

“Look,” Roger said with a sigh, trying again. He automatically moved closer as a smidge of desperation leaked into his voice. “What we have…it feels good, right?”

“You know it does Rog,” John said softly. “But—”

“But nothing.” Roger said quickly. “I know I said that I have…feelings about you, but I’d get over it, honestly I would. All I know is that I like…touching you, and we’re not hurting anyone if we agree that this thing between us is just a bit of fun.”

John closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. When Roger said all that, it would be too easy to agree. But it wouldn’t be right to any of them.

“It wouldn’t be fair on her either.”

“But she wouldn’t have to know—”

“Yes, you’ve already said that.” John said with a sigh. “But I’d know.”

Roger sighed, looking down at the floor, at his still-bare feet. He couldn’t believe this was all happening. Last night with John had been amazing, and he’d started to think that him and John had been getting somewhere, and now less than a day later, John had almost gotten engaged and was having a baby with Veronica. How had things gone so wrong? He ran a hand through his wet hair, sighing heavily.

“At least if we stopped things now, we could still be friends. It would just make things awkward if we carried on—”

“Oh that’s a shit excuse and you know it!” Roger lashed out before he could stop himself, practically tearing at his own hair to stop himself from kicking or punching something.

“Whether it is or not, I’m not prepared to risk our friendship like this just because something feels good.”

Roger nodded, knowing deep down that John was probably right. of course he understood what he was saying, but he hated it. Now that they’d started this thing between him, he found himself desperate for it to carry on.

John sighed, moving closer to Roger automatically. He had to get him to understand, to see things from his side before they could move on. “Rog, you mean too much to me to lose your friendship over something like this—”

“Right. Fine. I get it.” Roger said, quickly moving to stand as John started to reach out to touch him.

John frowned at the way Roger was turned away from him, deciding to try again. “I know it’s a shit situation, but I really do think that we’re doing the right thing—”

“Yeah, I get that.” Roger said with a huff. He closed his eyes and forced a shrug. “Let’s face it, it probably wouldn’t have worked out between us anyway. Better to end things now before one of us gets bored or whatever.”

John was suddenly glad that Roger had his back to him. He couldn’t see the hurt in his expression at Roger’s words. He swallowed heavily, forcing a stiff nod. “Right. So…friends then?”

Roger forced his hand through his hair again, pulling on the strands in anger. “Yeah. ‘Course. Friends.”

John nodded, glad that they at least had that. He scrambled for a subject change, desperate to clear the atmosphere. “So we’ve got the press interview later—”

“Yeah. See you there,” Roger said as he grabbed his jacket from the sofa, and headed past without looking at John. He had to leave before he ended up saying something he regretted. John had made his decision and he’d made it obvious that Roger couldn’t say anything to change his mind, whether Roger liked it or not. “I’ve just got some things to do before that, so…I guess I’ll see you later.”

With that, he left John sat on the sofa, slamming the hotel door behind him as Roger left.

Freddie came out of the bathroom less than a minute later, hand on his hip as he gave John a long, hard look. “Well that could have gone better.”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Runs and hides behind the sofa* Don't kill me haha! Let me know what you think. I promise there WILL be happier times ahead, even if it doesn't feel quite like it right now.


	12. Love Kills

“Remind again why we have to go to these things?” John grumbled as Freddie practically hauled him out of the car.

They’d arrived in Perth the day before, and they’d just come from doing television interviews. They’d been asked to attend a party with the press at some nightclub. Prenter had arranged it, which made sense. He usually planned these sorts of parties, usually more because he knew Freddie liked those kind of events. John wouldn’t have minded any other time, but Prenter himself had done a disappearing act.

“Because dear, it’s good publicity.” Freddie said with an easy smile as they headed past the crowds of press all gathered inside. Freddie leaned closer to whisper in John’s ear. “Which we all need, given what’s _actually_ going on behind closed doors.”

John forced a nod, knowing Freddie was right. Even still, he found himself itching to get back to the hotel.

“I agree, we do.” John said, leaning closer to whisper back. “But it means that I have to spend the next few hours watching Roger fawn over practically every woman in the club.”

He had no right to complain. It was him who had called a stop to things. But he’d been doing the right thing. Or at least he thought he had. He’d been doubting himself ever since.

It had been two months since Veronica showed up in America.

Roger had spent practically every night rebelling. He’d brought women after woman back to his hotel room, and he had been drinking like it was going out of fashion.

John had begun requesting a room furthest away from Roger’s. He’d grown fed-up of shoving pillows over his head in an attempt to block the noises coming from Roger’s room. He’d hated it before, but now it felt like he could pull his own hair out at the thought of the things Roger might have been doing with those women.

“I’ll admit that I myself have been compelled to wear earbuds to try and get a reasonable amount of beauty sleep.” Freddie sighed dramatically as they continued to walk behind Brian, Roger and John Reid through the crowds of people. “ _But_ was it not you who chose to put an end to things?”

“Yes, but—”

“But nothing dear,” Freddie said quickly. “You gave up your right to complain about Roger being with anyone else the day you decided to break things off. I’m sorry Deaky. But you know I’m right.”

John frowned in response, before deciding to try and explain again.

“I already explained to you why I finished things.”

This baby was a big deal. John knew he had to be there for Veronica in any way she wanted him to be, which meant that he couldn’t be with Roger. And if John did tell her about him being with Roger, and she miraculously forgave him, he would still be a Dad. Any partner of his would have to take on the responsibility of being a part of this baby’s life. He didn’t think he had the right to ask that of Roger, not when they’d been together for such a short time.

“Yes, yes, I know you have.” Freddie said, rolling his eyes. “You’ve said about how this baby will change your life forever, that you couldn’t ask Roger to take on the responsibility of caring for this child, and that you were trying to save hurting each other in the process.”

They reached the bar and Freddie turned his head to give an obvious look towards Roger. John followed his gaze. He was stood next to a blonde woman, his arm around her already. She had her mouth pressed towards his left ear, and he was laughing at something she said. Freddie then looked back at John before he could adjust his expression and Freddie huffed in response, shooting John a knowing look.

“Yes congratulations on that. It seems like that last one is going really well.” He said dryly.

John stayed quiet as he ordered himself a large vodka. Only when Freddie ordered himself a bottle of beer and the barmaid moved onto ask what Brian and Roger wanted did he respond to that.

“It’s shit. This whole situation is shit, I know that.” John said quietly as he leaned to shout in Freddie’s ear. “But it would have been a whole lot harder if we’d…carried on what we were doing.”

Freddie shrugged. “Shagging each other’s brains out?”

He laughed at the expression on John’s face, and the way he had suddenly turned pink.

“Except we didn’t get that far.”

“Yes, yes, again I know.” Freddie sighed. He had requested all the gory details before they’d cooled things off. Since then, Roger and John had both been making eyes at each other when they didn’t think the other one was looking, and had barely been on talking terms. To say it had been insufferable was an understatement. But Freddie was a good friend. He wouldn’t have said that aloud, knowing how much both of his friends were suffering.

“Look, you know me. I don’t see the point beating around the bush or any of that bullshit.”

John nodded. That was usually the reason why he went to Freddie if he needed advice on anything.

“And the way I see it, you have two options.”

“Which are?”

“One would be that you need to work out if this thing with Roger could be worth fighting for. If you hate the thought of him being with anyone else, then I think you should sit Roger down and tell him how you feel. It would also mean that you have to be honest to Veronica about all of this.” Then Freddie shrugged. “Or you could just carry on seeing Roger being her back, which would probably end up hurting her more in the long run. Not to mention that I know you. You’d probably be wracked with so much guilt you’d end up blurting it out anyway.”

John frowned, deciding that he didn’t like the idea of either of those. “Right. Option two?”

“You shut up and put up with it.” Freddie said bluntly. “Roger is single. You’re still with Veronica. He’s allowed to sleep with whoever the hell he wants. Which I’ve already basically said.”

“Even when I’m trying to do both of us a favour by going back to us just being friends?”

“Yes, even when you’re deluding yourself into believing that you’re doing both of you a favour by going back to you being friends.” Freddie said with a smug smile.

John rolled his eyes at Freddie who shrugged innocently as he took a swig of his bottle of beer.

“You know you’re only rolling your eyes at me because I’m right, Deaky.”

John ran a frustrated hand through his hair, watching as Roger leaned in to whisper something to the blonde he was with. John felt a rise of dread as she bit her lip and gazed back at Roger. He recognised that expression.

“You’d better tear that expression from your face too. We can’t have the press wondering what’s got you all so angsty.”

John knew Freddie was right. It didn’t make it any easier to do as he said though.

Once they’d gotten their drinks, John, Brian and Freddie sat in a booth, with Reid lurking as they sat and talked to members of the Australian press. They’d already done the interviews, so it was more a common courtesy for them to sit and talk openly about the tour, and about band plans to make a new album, and such. After that, they could afford to let their hair down a little. Or in Roger’s case, a lot.

Roger was sat in his own booth, a crowd of women on either side. They looked as if they were eating out of the palm of his hand, but that was no surprise. He could captivate people with just one look. Roger always had the ability to charm people with an easy smile and a flutter of his long eyelashes. He’d seen it done plenty of times. Not to mention he’d done it enough to him. That was exactly the problem.

Reid asked for a five minute break, requesting a little privacy with the band. He sat next to Freddie, a confused look on his face.

“Remind me again how Roger got away with sitting in his own booth?”

“That’s easy dear,” Freddie said with a shrug. “The women he’s sat with are technically members of the press. Apparently, they asked to do interviews with just him alone. And as you were so keen to keep the press happy, you agreed.”

“About right.” Brian grumbled. It was fair to say Brian. John or Freddie were not too pleased about Roger having gotten away with that one. Just for different reasons.

“Right.” Reid said with a frown. “And remind me again where Miami and Prenter are.”

Brian sighed heavily. “Miami went to make sure everything was ready at the venue for tomorrow night’s gig. Prenter is…actually, I’m not sure about Prenter.” He turned to look at Freddie. “Where is Prenter again?”

“How the hell should I know dear?”

“Oh sorry my mistake. I thought you two were joined at the hip these days—”

“Oh fuck off, Brian—”

“Truth hurts, Fred—”

“Can you save the domestic until you get back to the hotel?” Reid spoke over them. “We wouldn’t want the press to overhear any lingering tension in the band, would we?”

“Oh I don’t know,” Freddie sniped. “Perhaps it would take away from the obvious tension between John and Roger.”

John rolled his eyes at the way Freddie sniped that in his direction, choosing to sip on his drink rather than respond.

At least Reid’s words seemed to stop Freddie and Brian arguing. For the meantime, at least.

Although John could have done with the distraction. He watched Roger whisper something to the girl to the right of him. She had long dark hair and bright eyes. Her eyes sparkled as she smiled, and seconds later, Roger was bending his head and pressing his lips against hers.

John forced his eyes away, swallowing heavily before downing the rest of his drink. By the time he was looked back at Roger, he had already moved on. The blonde sat to the left of him pulled him towards her once he’d finished kissing the brunette, and pressed her lips to his.

That had been quick, even for Roger.

John put his glass back against the table, slamming it a little too hard.

Reid rolled his eyes, preparing to stand up. Freddie and Brian gave John a look.

John frowned in response, pulling at his hair in frustration. “I said nothing.”

“You didn’t have to.” Brian said carefully.

“If you’re getting another drink, I’ll have a double vodka.” Freddie said quickly. “If I have to sit and watch you two eye-fuck each other all night, I might as well be drunk doing it.”

“We are not eye-fucking each—”

“Yeah. You are, Deaky.” Brian interjected with a shrug.

John sat back against the wall of the booth, deflated. Of course the two of them would back each other on this. He should have guessed they would.

“But if you are getting another round in, I wouldn’t mind another beer.” Brian added.

“Fine,” John sighed, knowing he’d have an easier life if he said yes. He didn’t have the energy to argue tonight, not when he was felt so…rubbish about everything.

He headed over to the bar, buying two large vodkas for himself. He downed one whilst he was at the bar, and the barmaid gave him a sympathetic look.

“Bad night?”

John shrugged. “Something like that.”

She nodded, before heading off to fix another large vodka for Freddie and grab Brian’s bottle of beer.

“Having fun?

John hadn’t been paying attention, so was a little taken aback to find Roger stood beside him. He’d have thought he’d have been far too busy with his fanbase. Even still, he had to look away from the small smile Roger was giving him.

“I was.”

“We needed more drinks.”

John nodded curtly, giving the barmaid the money and telling her to keep the change as she came back with the rest of his drinks. “Right. Well I’ve got all mine, so—”

“Deaky, wait.”

Roger reached out, pressing his hand against John’s arm. He looked almost desperate as John looked back at him.

“Why? So I can come and keep you company. Maybe watch you kiss more of those girls? I’ll pass.” John said shortly, the bitterness leaking into his voice as he pulled away from his grip.

Roger stepped closer so that he could speak quietly enough for only them to hear. “You didn’t _want_ this, remember?”

“You know that wasn’t why I—”

“So? What am I supposed to do?” Roger asked, fighting not to raise his voice. “Wait for you to decide if you want to be with Veronica or not?”

“All I know is that she’s keeping it.” John said carefully, shooting a look around the club to make sure nobody was looking. It wasn’t rare for Roger and John to be off in a corner talking to each other, but they were stood closely, and given the press were here, they needed to be careful. By the time he looked back at Roger, his eyes were on John, and the intensity in them caught John’s breath for a second.

“Whatever I feel for you, or don’t feel for her, I don’t want this baby coming from a broken home.”

“I get it, honestly, I do. And I get you’re trying to be noble in doing the right thing for this baby.” Roger said softly. “But it’s not a good enough excuse to stay with her. If anything, you could be harming this baby more by pretending to be some happy family.”

John opened his mouth to speak, but Roger wasn’t finished. He’d had time to think, and it had made him realise how stupid it would be if John stayed with Veronica for the sake of this baby.

“Mum and Dad know people who have stayed together for the sake of the children. Some have even started off in the same situation as you’re in now. They married before the child was born, thinking that they could at least try and provide a stable homelife for the baby, even if it wasn’t planned.”

“Well what’s wrong with that?” John said defensively. It wasn’t his plan to be a father this early in life, at least not by accident. It had happened, and now he wanted to try and do the right thing for everyone involved.

“What’s wrong with it was they ended up hating each other. Do you want that to be you and Veronica? I can tell that you think a lot of her, even if you’re not _in_ love with her. Not to mention, it wouldn’t be fair on the baby, growing up in an environment void of love.”

John shrugged, getting defensive again. “We could always…grow to love each other. In time.”

Roger raised his eyebrows in response, but said nothing as he paid for his round of drinks. Perhaps John was right, but if that was true, he didn’t think John would have started things with Roger in the first place.

John waited until the barmaid was out of earshot before he began to argue his point. He twirled his drink around a little, avoiding Roger’s eyes as he talked. He didn’t want to lose his nerve in saying what he needed to.

“We were lucky enough to come from stable homes, you and I. But I remember when I was growing up in Leicester, we had neighbours who got a divorce weeks after they had a baby. They spent years passing the baby from one house to the next. We used to hear them arguing about who the baby lived with, when the father would see his son, and eventually the father went onto marry, which only made the situation worst. The mother, who lived next to us, refused to let his wife near the baby. It ended up getting really bitter, and I don’t want to risk the chance of us ending up like that.”

“That’s awful, of course it is.” Roger said, before shaking his head. “But you wouldn’t let any of that happen. You’d work at it with Veronica to come up with some sort of agreement that the both of you would be happy with without it upsetting this baby.”

He knew what family meant to John. Especially given his own father had died when John was so young. He knew how much that still bothered John. Even now, he barely talked about him. So Roger knew that he wouldn’t want to miss anything when it came to this baby growing up.

“You’re right. I would try and make it work. But there’s no telling if she’s be prepared to do that. Especially if she found out about us. She would be hurt, and would probably want to lash out, and then that might make the situation even worst.”

It might not have been against the law for men and women to be in same-sex relationships anymore, but the law still didn’t work all that fairly when it came to these situations. John wouldn’t have a leg to stand on if Veronica chose to keep John away from the baby. And despite it not being planned, that would destroy him.

“Then we could talk to her.” Roger suggested softly. He found himself leaning forwards, pressing his hand to John’s arm again and feeling a smidge of satisfaction when he didn’t pull away. “Look, I know we’ve already spoken about us having feelings for each other, but maybe we should just…go with the flow of things.”

John watched Roger, curiosity in his eyes as he continued talking. Roger dropped his gaze, trying not to blush as he tried to find the right words. He pulled his hand back to run it through his hair.

“I just think that…if you and I were to give things a chance to see if this thing between us could be…shit, I don’t know. You know I’m no good with words, Deaky.”

“Try.” John said softly before he could stop himself.

“We’ve got time, before this baby is born to see if this thing could lead to something more…serious. And if it does, maybe we could at least try and provide some sort of…normalcy for this baby instead—”

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Rog.” John interrupted quickly. If he let Roger continue talking, John would start to get ideas. It would never work. Roger liked going out too much. He liked partying, having women’s company, and John couldn’t remember a time Roger was settled into an actual relationship before. “Have you even attempted to be in a stable relationship before?”

“Once or twice over the years,” Roger said defensively. “Besides, you’re one to talk.”

“The difference is I don’t spend every night with a different woman.”

Roger snorted in response, a touch of satisfaction in his smile as he sipped on his drink. “If I didn’t know any better John, I’d think that was jealousy I could hear in your voice.”

John shook his head in response. “Fine. You want to hear me say it. Of course I don’t _like_ it, Roger but—”

“Well it’s too fucking bad!” Roger snapped before he could stop himself. He ignored the way John shot a look around the room to make sure Roger’s tone hadn’t caught anyone else’s attention. It would serve him right for being a total hypocrite about all of this. On the one hand, he didn’t like Roger being with anyone else. On the other hand, he refused to give them a chance. He didn’t know what John wanted from him anymore.

“It seems you’ve mage your decision no matter what I say to try and change your mind.” Roger said, slamming his glass back down on the bar in a temper. “I still don’t agree with your decision but I think I’ve made that clear. You think it’s best we stay as friends, which I still think is your way of being a fucking coward by taking the easy way out—”

“You think this is easy?” John said before he could stop himself. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, shaking his head at Roger’s words. “Rog, none of this is easy! Can’t you see that I’d rather have you as a friend? I’d rather have that then lose you in six months, or a year, or whenever, because we took a chance and it didn’t work out. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if that happened.”

Then he huffed sadly because that as wrong. He knew exactly what he’d have to do. “Actually that’s a lie. I’d probably quit the band—”

Roger narrowed his eyes at John’s frankly ridiculous suggestion. “Don’t be so fucking stupid—”

“I’m serious. Because that’s how much it would hurt. If me and you ended up hating each other or regretting what we’d done.” John said with a heavy sigh. He could see the anguish in Roger’s eyes at that, and John automatically softened. “Look, I just…you know me doing this doesn’t mean that I don’t want you any less, it’s just—”

He realised too late that he’d said the wrong thing.

Roger’s gaze changed, anger in his eyes as he grabbed his tray of drinks. “That’s not fair. Stick to your decision if you really think it’s going to make your life easier, which is clearly all you fucking care about. But you don’t get to say that to me if you won’t back down about this. Plus you’re using the same shit excuses when the truth is that neither of us know what will happen if we let ourselves be together. You know I’m right, John.”

With that, he turned and walked away, leaving John stood alone at the bar.

John sighed, forcing himself to head back over to Freddie and Brian. God, he hated all of this.

“What did Roger say?”

John looked up as he sat down and passed round their drinks, seeing that Freddie was watching him, a worried look in his eyes.

“Nothing I’ve not already questioned myself in the last two months.”

“Like you two needing your heads banging together until you sort this out properly?” Brian offered with a look. John turned his gaze towards Brian, who held up his hands in defence. “Just a thought, Deaky.”

“Yes, or better still,” Freddie chimed in with an eye-roll. “Bloody go over there and talk to him. I don’t know what would be better right about now. You continuing to gaze at each other, or you going over there and just bloody kissing him like we can all see you both want to.”

“I’d actually prefer the latter.” Brian said, before winching. “Never thought I’d say that given that you’re both of my friends, but at least it would finally solve the problem. This is just depressing.”

John frowned, but knew he couldn’t say anything to disagree with that.

Instead, he snuck out half an hour later. He knew Reid wouldn’t say anything. He had a feeling he’d prefer for John to leave if it meant him and Roger wouldn’t be making eyes at each other for the rest of the night. John wasn’t in the party mood anyway, he never was these days. At least if he went back to the hotel early, he could have some time to sit and think about everything Roger had said.

Whatever happened now, something had to give. He knew that.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me!! Aha! I promise the next chapter will MORE than make up for it. I feel so bad for Roger and Deaky. :( On the one hand, I think John is just trying to do the best thing for everyone involved, even if everyone else can see he's being an idiot. And on the other, they're Roger is right about everything he's trying to say to John. Nobody knows what would happen should they just give into their feelings for each other and told Veronica the truth. So yeah. I think I'd feel just as conflicted if I was in the same situation. Anyway, Freddie and Brian finally take it upon themselves to bang their heads together to make them see sense, just as Brian suggested in this chapter. Haha. I shall update as soon as I can. Let me know what you guys think!


	13. Funny How Love Is

Freddie and Brian spent the morning talking about Roger and John. They knew something had to give. It was obvious the two of them weren’t going to realise what idiots they were being anytime soon. So they decided to take it into their own hands. Even if Brian felt a little hesitant at Freddie’s plan.

“They’re not going to like it.” He said with a shake of his head as he sipped on his cup of tea.

They’d come downstairs early to eat breakfast and talk everything through.

“Tough shit dear,” Freddie replied with a huff, sipping on his cup of coffee. It didn’t help that he had one hell of a hangover. He was wearing his sunglasses as the brightness in the hotel café wasn’t doing his headache any good, and the smell of food was making it impossible not to want to throw up. He was clinging to his cup like his life depended on it. “Something’s got to give. Besides, they’ll get over the hurt and the anger if we leave them alone for long enough.”

Freddie didn’t add how given they were already going to be in Roger’s room, he was sure they’d quickly find something else to do. Freddie was unsurprisingly more okay about Roger and John being together. Brian needed a little more time to get his head around the idea. He would be less than impressed if Freddie gave his brain images of what they could be getting up to with their spare time.

“So you’ve said already that Jim, Prenter and Reid all know about this. But to just to clarify…they’re fine with this?”

“For the most part.” Freddie said with a shrug. Before he sighed at the expression on Brian’s face. “Okay look, perhaps Paul thought this idea was a little stupid, given that he doesn’t think them being together is good for the band—”

“Whether that might end up being true or not, nobody cares about what he thinks, so I consider that a moot point.” Brian pointed out quickly.

“But Miami and Reid are just as sick of them as us. Reid basically said that if it means Roger and John finally sort this out then he’s giving me permission to do just about whatever.”

“Well in that case, this is quite tame for you.” Brian quipped with a smile as he sipped on his cup of tea.

“Exactly dear.” Freddie grinned.

They had rehearsals after that, which were horrendous.

John and Roger could barely look at each other, and Roger was smoking more than normal. John was barely talking, even for him. That would all be fine, but they were completely off-sync as a band. Despite all of that, Freddie was more worried than frustrated. They eventually called it a day a few hours later, with Brian all but telling them to sort their shit out before tonight’s gig.

Freddie had planned it all.

He waited until after they finished their concert and had all changed and showered before he corned John. He told him that Brian had called a band meeting to discuss how badly the gig had gone, which was believable considering the atmosphere between them all.

Brian had done the same with Roger, telling him that it had all been agreed with Reid that the four of them would meet in Roger’s hotel room to sort this out before they attended the after-party.

John was dreading it already. He hadn’t had much sleep the night before, and he still hadn’t decided what to do about Roger. Hence why he’d been so quiet.

Freddie and John headed into Roger’s room, where Brian and Roger were already gathered.

Roger was sat on the sofa, practically on the other side of the room. Brian was sat on one side of the bed, next to the door. Freddie remained stood by the door.

“Could you go and grab me a water from the mini-fridge?” Brian asked as he looked up at him.

John snorted in response. “No. Why can’t you get it yourself?”

Brian sighed, winching as he sat up straighter. “I would…and I know this sounds pathetic, but I think I might have pulled a muscle in my back during that last number.”

John rolled his eyes, but moved to get him his water. “You’re right. That is pathetic—”

“Hey, hang on!” Roger said, jumping up from where he sat.

John shot him a look, before whipping round to see what he was looking at. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he saw the door slamming shut, and he could hear the key—that same key that Roger had left on his bedside table—being turned in the door from the outside.

“What…I don’t understand.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Roger shouted as he moved towards the door, trying to turn the handle. “They’ve bloody set us up!”

“That is correct Roger, darling!” Freddie cooed from behind the door.

“Yes, and before you start complaining about missing the after-party, we’d both rather have you locked in there then have to deal with you two making eyes at each other again all night.” Brian added with a huff. “No, this is for your own good. You two do need to do…whatever you need to do to sort this out, before it ends up ruining the band.”

“You can’t fucking do this!” Roger shouted through the door angrily. “And besides, I’m sure Reid isn’t going to be too pleased about me and John missing out on this after-party—”

“Well you see dear, that’s where you’re wrong.” Freddie said chirpily. “He actually agreed that you need to sort your shit out. So like Brian said, do whatever it is you need to do, argue, throw things at each other, hell, spend all night fucking for all I care. Just do whatever it takes to put things right. Me and Brian will be back to check on you when we’re good and ready—”

“Or however long it takes for us you two to sort this out!” Brian interjected.

“Exactly, so use the time wisely darling. Bye!”

“Well that will be a long bloody time then.” Roger huffed, but he got no response. “Brian? Freddie?”

He still got no answer, telling Roger that they’d probably already moved away from the door. He growled in a temper.

“Fuck sake!” Roger shouted, kicking the door in frustration before yelping at how that hurt his foot.

“That’s really going to help, isn’t it?”

“Oh fuck off John!” Roger snapped before he could stop himself. He pressed his head against the door, taking a steadying breath and trying to keep calm. “Right, so now what?”

“Now we wait, I guess.” John shrugged. He actually felt relieved that him and Roger wouldn’t be at the after-party. At least he didn’t have to watch Roger flirt with half of the population of Australia. “We know one thing for definite.”

Roger turned to look at him, a confused look in his eyes. “Which is?”

“They can’t leave us in here any longer than tomorrow night. We have a gig tomorrow night.”

Roger rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. “That’s alright then. Just got to get through the next fifteen to twenty hours being fucking bored out of our mind.”

John sighed, moving to sit on the sofa on the other side of the room. “We won’t. They’ll let us out in a bit. After they’ve proven their point.”

Roger huffed in response. He didn’t share John’s confidence. He knew from experience how stubborn Brian could be. It was him who had been more prepared than Freddie to let him stay in that cupboard all night after Roger threw a tantrum about _I’m in Love with my Car_ not being put on the album.

“Oh this is so fucking stupid!” Roger shouted in frustration, kicking the door again before moving to practically throw himself onto the bed. “Like spending all of this time in here is going to help anyway. Not to mention a waste of time. We could be spending this time rehearsing and work on not being as shit as we were tonight.”

 “Isn’t that the point of them locking us in here? Because until this gets sorted, we’re going to be shit regardless.”

It didn’t matter how much time they put into rehearsing. Everyone could feel the atmosphere between them.

“Then we really will be locked in here forever.” Roger huffed bitterly, still turned away from John. “Given that you’re the one who’s chosen for things to get to this point.”

“I’m the _one_?” John repeated incredulity. “Oh of course. Because all of this is completely my fault, right? You’ve not spent most of the last two months ignoring me, or getting drunk every night and sleeping with any willing woman who’ll have you.”

John didn’t get angry often. But he felt all the frustration that had been bubbling away rise to the surface. He hated seeing Roger with other women. He hated that they were barely talking, and he hated how distant they were with each other. None of that had made losing Roger any easier, even if he wasn’t really his in the first place.

“Yeah well,” Roger sniped before he could stop himself. He turned his head towards John a little, his mouth twisting into a bitter smirk. “You’re only jealous.”

John felt as if his throat had clogged up at Roger’s words. Roger knew that to be true, and yet, it was as if Roger was getting off on it. How had things come to this?

They didn’t talk for ages. The only noise came from outside the room, the sound of footsteps or people talking as they walked past. There was no point shouting. Yes, they could have gone to reception to get the spare key, but it would have sounded mad to explain it. Managing to get locked up in your own hotel room. Roger was still too seething to think of doing any of that anyway.

John watched the hard planes of Roger’s back, knowing he was trying to use the time to calm down. He let the silence eat away at him. It gave him time to think over everything that had happened.

There was no television in Roger’s room. He’d heard Brian mention to Freddie whilst they’d been getting ready for the gig that Roger had thrown his out of his hotel window in a fit of rage this morning after getting into an argument with Prenter. He hadn’t mention what the argument was about, but John knew he could probably guess easily enough.

It was common for Roger to lose his temper, and wasn’t the first time he’d taken that out on a television.

John didn’t feel angry anymore. More than anything, he felt sad. All of this was John had tried to avoid. All of this tension and arguing. It was that thought that had John giving in first. Whatever happened now, he couldn’t be in the same room with Roger without at least trying to sort this.

“Aren’t you sick all of this? I hate it. I wish more than anything we could go back to being close again.”

“And you think I don’t want that?” Roger snapped, turning his head towards him a little. Then he paused, his expression changing, growing more morose. “But yeah. I hate it too.”

“All of this was exactly what I didn’t want to happen.”

Roger sighed, turning his head away from him so he didn’t see his expression. “I don’t know what you expected, John. Things aren’t just going to go back to how they were.”

“Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” John said desperately, finding himself leaning forwards. “Tell me how I can make things better between us, or how I could at least try—”

“You _can’t_! There is no easy fix.” Roger snapped, dragging a hand through his hair in frustration. “You made your choice, so you’re just going to have to give me time to get over y—all of this.”

John frowned at his words. “But…but how much time exactly?”

Roger sighed heavily, leaning his head back to look at the ceiling for a long moment. “How am I supposed to know the answer to that? However long I need. In the meantime, you have literally no right for judging me for doing whatever I need to. I think both of us could do with a little healthy distraction.”

“ _Healthy_? Yes because drinking yourself into a stupor and practically shagging everything that moves is really a healthy distraction—”

“Way to stop yourself judging.” Roger snorted, before he reluctantly turned a little so that he could face John, anger in his eyes.

“Besides, you know what? Difference is that all of the women I—as you say— _shag_ , are nothing more than one night stands. You hate seeing me with all those women, but I hate seeing you with _her_. And it’ll only get worse. Because she’s bloody pregnant. Soon she’ll be having this baby, and you’ll both be cooing over how adorable he or she is or how much it has your eyes, or it’s stupid smile, and all of the other _happy family_ bullshit.”

“And that was why I finished—”

“Why you finished things, yes I know that, John.” Roger sighed, dropping his gaze to the bed. There was a thread coming away from the seams, and he found himself fiddling with it as he talked. How he wished he’d never been honest about his feelings. Yes, it would have hurt to see John with other women, and wonder _what if_ , but he was sure it wouldn’t have hurt as much as this. Not when he knew what it felt like to actually _be_ with John.

Roger growled in frustration, pulling at his hair again. It felt as if that’s all he’d been doing lately. That, and taking out his frustration on his drums.

“Fuck, I wish I’d never told you how I felt! At least we wouldn’t be in this stupid fucking situation now.”

John watched him closely, unable to keep the hurt from his voice. “Do you…do you really mean that?”

“Of course I do! At least we’d still be friends. At least we wouldn’t have to avoid each other like this. You must see how fucked up all of this is?”

“Yes, of course I do, Rog, but—”

John stopped, realising he was helping nobody by saying what he actually wanted to.

“But what, John?”

Roger was staring at him expectantly, and John quickly forced a shake of his head. “Nothing, just forget it—”

“ _But what_?”

“But I could never regret that day, okay?” John exclaimed as he dropped his gaze, biting hard on his bottom lip to stop himself from lashing out. He wasn’t like Roger. He’d rather take it out on himself than anyone else. “I wanted you for so long that when you told me that you felt the same, I just…I couldn’t believe it. I’d always convinced myself that there was no way you could _wan_ t me like that. Of course I fucking hate this, but I’d have hated it more if I’d never had the chance to be _with_ you. Whatever happens, nothing will compare to that. I know that now.”

“Then _why_ are you fighting this so much?” Roger asked in exasperation. It was obvious that this what they both wanted. And Roger was finding himself past caring what everyone else thought.

“You know why. I can’t be selfish, not when it comes to this baby. It will need stability, a proper family.”

“And it can still have all of that!” Roger argued in frustration. He moved to sit at the foot of the bed, desperation in his eyes as John looked up at him. “Just because you might not be with Veronica, it doesn’t mean you can’t both try and build a family unit. You could stay living near each other, bring it up between you—”

“And of course I want that, I want all of that. But…” John trailed off with a sigh, dropping his gaze guiltily. “I…I’ve still cheated on her. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if it was some random woman on tour, but it’s with _you_ , Rog. If she was to find out, she’d have every right to stop me from seeing this baby—”

“Whatever you expect to happen, you’ll never know until you tell her.” Roger said softly. He sighed, sitting forwards and automatically reaching for John. Seeing John torn up like this had him wanting to touch him, to comfort him. John looked back up at Roger, a wariness in his eyes. “Look. I know I can’t promise than any of this will be okay.”

He wished he could. He wished he could promise John that no matter what happened, both him and Veronica would be grown-up about this and stay on good terms for this baby.

“But I can promise you one thing.”

John suddenly realised how close he and Roger was. Their faces were inches away, and his eyes roamed Roger’s expression, reading the sincerity in his eyes. His voice was deeper as John spoke, finding his eyes drawn to the shape of Roger’s lips. “What?”

“That I’ll be here. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what happens between us.” Roger shrugged, dropping his gaze to where his hand was against John’s leg as he flushed a little. “I know it’s not the same. I know it means everything to you to be a part of this baby’s life, but I’m just saying. I’d help you fight to have that. If it comes to it. Because that’s how much you mean to me, John.”

By the time he looked up, John’s gaze had softened. Roger swallowed hard, fighting the urge not to lurch forwards and kiss him. He had to make John understand something first.

“I meant what I said that night. I know I’ve not showed any interest in settling down, but maybe that was because it wasn’t with you. Maybe that’s because I’d never had the urge to even try and make my past relationships last.” Roger took a deep breath, forcing the words to come. The only way any of this was going to work was if they were both completely honest. “But I want this to. Even if all of this scares the fuck out of me. I still want this.”

“I want this too.” John said before he could think about what he was saying.

“Then stop being such a fucking martyr.” Roger said with a teasing smile.

John smiled a little despite himself, before he took Roger’s hand in his, his expression quickly turning serious again.

“Look Rog, I just…I don’t want you to feel as if I’m trapping you by all of this—”

“You’re not.” Roger insisted firmly. “Besides, I can think for myself. I know exactly what I’m getting into Deaky.”

John snorted at that. “And yet, you still want this?”

Roger didn’t hesitate. “More than anything.”

He reached forwards with his free hand, brushing a strand of hair back behind John’s ear softly. John closed his eyes at the contact and drew a shaky breath, finding his resistance wavering. Everything Roger had said was everything John had been wanted to hear for so long.

But he still had his doubts. He didn’t ever want to lose Roger’s friendship, no matter what happened between them. And that was what had him hesitating.

“Rog,” John said quietly, almost startling himself as he re-opened his eyes to find Roger sat next to him, a look of curiosity on his face as he took his face in his hands. “We shouldn’t.”

“We should.”

With that, Roger surged forwards and pressed his mouth to John’s. John sighed at the contact, lacing his hands in Roger’s hair. Roger pressed himself closer, his legs touching his, their bodies pressed together as they kissed roughly, a desperation in the way their lips moved.

Why had he been so stupid? Fighting this like he had. John couldn’t remember. All he could focus on was Roger, how much he wanted him, how much he’d always want him.

Roger couldn’t get enough. God, he’d missed this.

He lowered his hands to John’s shoulders, pushing him back against the sofa and clamouring on top. His legs were on either side of John’s thighs, his hands moving to the buttons of his shirt.

He pulled away from John’s lips, bending his head to press kiss after kiss against John’s jaw and down to his neck, lapping at his skin with his tongue every so often, and enjoying the way John moaned at Roger’s touch.

John’s hands were still in Roger’s hair, tugging softly. Roger thought he might just about do anything he wanted him to if it meant having John’s hands in his hair like this.

Roger kissed a path down John’s chest as he undid the buttons on his shirt. He’d never wanted to touch someone as badly as he wanted to touch John.

He pulled away for a moment, enough time to kneel against the floor, pushing John’s legs further apart and placing himself in between them.

John was watching Roger with wild, fervent eyes. It was the kind of look that took Roger’s breath away. So much so that he couldn’t resist moving forwards and pressing an urgent kiss to John’s lips. John kissed him back instantly, his hand tensing against Roger’s bicep as Roger leaned against him, desperate to be close.

He enjoyed the way John groaned as Roger moved back to push aside John’s shirt, and off of his shoulders. John took the hint, sliding his arms out of it and throwing it onto the seat next to him. Roger licked his lips in response.

John had always had a nice body. Roger would have been lying if he said that he hadn’t found himself staring when they’d been getting changed begore a gig, or when he’d been wearing a low-cut top on stage. Sometimes he’d even lost the beat once or twice, finding himself distracted by the thin trail of hair that disappeared beneath his top.

Roger’s fingers traced the skin of John’s chest, letting his lips follow the movement of his hand. John shivered in response, his hands moving back to Roger’s hair.

Roger quickly John’s belt buckle, watching as he bit his lip in response. He undid the button on John’s jeans, eager to have John naked and his for the taking.

John suddenly pressed a hand to Roger’s cheek, and the suddenness of it almost made Roger flinch. But then he relaxed into his touch at the look John gave him.

“You’re too dressed.” John whispered huskily.

Roger chuckled deeply at John’s unimpressed expression. “Only one way to solve that, Deaky.”

He sat in John’s lap again, and they both sighed at the contact. Roger moved to slide up his own t-shirt over his body. John brushed his hands away, keeping his eyes on Roger as his fingers moved over Roger’s hips and up, before Roger got impatient and threw his shirt off of his head, and somewhere behind him, enjoying the way John was looking at him.

John had always admired Roger’s body from afar. It didn’t help that Roger spent most of their time on stage and at photoshoots shirtless. He was slim, and slightly muscular, and John had spent many a nights imagining what his body would taste like, or how it would feel to press his lips against the trail of blonde hair leading past his navel and disappearing beneath the top of his jeans.

Except now he didn’t need to imagine.

Roger gasped in surprise as John leaned forwards to press kisses into his skin. He moved upwards, using his tongue to flick against one of Roger’s nipples and enjoying the way he moaned in response. His hands wondered in the meantime, pulling at Roger’s belt hastily.

Roger stood once John had undone his jeans, and John automatically leaned forwards, desperate to remain close.

Roger smiled in response, his eyes warm as he began sliding his jeans down his legs. “Don’t worry, Deaky. I have no intention of going anywhere.”

He kicked his jeans off and away, shivering at the way John’s eyes were gazing at his body. He could have had a million women looking at him like that and it still wouldn’t have had half the effect that John had on him.

And then he was on him, practically throwing himself back onto John and making them both laugh in the process.

“I know you want me Rog, but you didn’t need to literally jump on me to prove it.”

The laughter died on his tongue as Roger pressed kisses to his cheek and up to his ear. Roger bit his lip, hesitancy in his voice.

“Are you sure about this, Deaky?”

John didn’t even need to think about that. He’d done nothing but, the last two months and it had gotten him nowhere.

He nodded, his hair brushing against Roger’s chin. He let his hands trail against Roger’s back, feeling the way he shivered in response, before they pressed back into his hair. “I want you, Rog. More than anything. Are you?”

Roger answered that by taking John’s face in his hands and moving back to kiss him, slowly and deeply. John sighed at the way Roger’s tongue swiped at his lips.

By the time Roger pulled away to whisper against his lips, his voice was deep with hunger. “More than anything.”

John whimpered at his words, welcoming another warm kiss from Roger, before John pulled away again.

Roger stared at him as John pushed him back, but John smiled in response, moving to stand too.

“I just thought it might be a little comfier for us both on the bed.”

“I won’t argue with that, Deaky.” Roger smiled, moving backwards and pulling John with him by the hand.

Roger laid back against the pillows, his hand behind his head and his teeth against his lip as he watched John pull at the buckle of his belt, and undo the button of his jeans, before he began to slide them past his legs. His cheeks were flushed at the intensity of Roger’s gaze as he stepped out of his jeans.

They groaned in unison as John sat against Roger’s lap, and the feel of how turned on they both were.

Roger pressed his hands to John’s hips as leaned his face forwards. John met him halfway, bending his head to press a kiss to Roger’s lips. He kissed him once, twice, and then moved his mouth lower, against Roger’s jaw, his throat, and towards his neck. He sucked on the skin there, enjoying the way Roger sighed in response, before he bit down.

Roger yelped in surprise, his eyes widening as he pulled away. John smiled innocently, and Roger narrowed his eyes at him in response.

“Did you just—”

“Maybe,” John shrugged, a smirk playing against his lips at Roger’s expression. Maybe he should have, but John found himself not caring if anyone saw it. Nobody would know it was from him apart from the people who knew about them already. He pushed Roger back against the bed, moving back to where he left off, and kissing a slow trail back down Roger’s body. By the time he got to his stomach, Roger was already breathing heavier, one of his hands fisted against the sheets.

John spoke, his voice husky as he watched Roger hungrily. “Don’t pretend you don’t like it, Rog.”

Roger huffed at that. It might have been true, but he wanted to tease John into thinking it wasn’t. But he found he couldn’t be bothered, not as John ducked his head to press one last kiss to the skin just above Roger’s underwear. He moaned loudly as John moved his hand to press against Roger through his underwear, and Roger arched his back wantonly.

That turned into a groan of frustration as John moved back, a smile lingering in his eyes as he looked up at Roger.

God, Roger was beautiful. No woman John had been with even compared to the vision of Roger sprawled on the bed in front of him, his face flushed with desire, his teeth against his bottom lip, and frustration burning in his eyes as he watched John.

“Don’t worry Rog, I’ve no intention of stopping.”

Roger opened his mouth to tell him to get on with it then, but then John pulled at Roger’s underwear, quickly removing them in one, quick move, and Roger was so impressed that the sarcastic comment died on his tongue.

John threw it aside with the same amount of care that both of them had shown with the rest of their clothes, before he moved forwards and his hand was on him, moving over the length of him.

Roger’s eyes closed briefly at the contact, and John kept his gaze on him, enjoying the way Roger moaned loudly, his body thrusting upwards as John’s thumb swiped against the tip a couple of times. John’s movements grew confident as he saw the effect he was having on Roger but then Roger’s hand suddenly pressed to his, stopping him.

John frowned as Roger sat forwards, worrying that Roger hadn’t enjoyed it as much as he thought he had.

“Did I…was I doing something—”

Roger pressed a finger to his lips, stopping him speaking quickly.

“Fucking hell Deaky, you have no idea how good that was. I think I could have come just from your hand alone.” He sighed softly. The difference was that they’d already done that, and Roger wanted more. “It’s just that I…I wanted…fuck—”

He trailed off, running a hand through his hair in frustration as he tried finding the words. He met John’s warm gaze uncertainly.

“Can I…fuck you, Deaky?”

John bit his lip, not expecting those words to affect him like they had. He was sure he’d have given Roger anything he wanted by that point.

He nodded, watching as Roger smiled in response. He sat forwards, pressing a kiss to John’s forehead as he prepared to get up. John moved to lay next to him on the bed, watching as Roger stood up.

“Just give me a sec.”

John watched him disappear behind the bathroom door with a frown. He was back less than a minute later, a bottle in his hands. It was only as Roger sat himself back on the bed that John realised what it was. He swallowed heavily, trying to keep the nervousness from his face as Roger crawled back up his body. He wanted Roger more than anything, but this was still a big deal. Both of them had never been with a man before, not like this.

Freddie had given Roger the bottle of lube to use after their conversation at the start of the tour. Roger was suddenly more than a little grateful.

Roger’s hands pulled at John’s underwear, and John lifted his hips in response. The minute he’d slid them off, Roger’s hand was on him.

He gazed at John through his eyelashes, taking note of the way he moaned at certain ways he touched him, or how his breath hitched as Roger suddenly sped up, biting hard on his bottom lip as he stared up at Roger expectantly.

John took a shaky breath. “Rog… _please_.”

Roger felt his ego inflate at the way John practically begged, moaning his name. It made him wonder what other things he could do to John to get him begging like that. He shivered at the thought, feeling himself grow harder as John moaned his name again at the way Roger was still touching him. He kept his hand moving up and down, still maintaining a frustratingly slow pace.

“Oh you want me, do you?”

John smiled a little, reaching forwards to brush against Roger’s cheek softly. “You know I do.”

Roger responded to that by bending his head to kiss John urgently, trying to show him just how much he wanted him too.

He suddenly pulled back and John cried out in surprise and desire as Roger bent his head to take John in his mouth. Roger moved the flat of his tongue against the head, as he managed to put a bit of lube on his finger. His hand slipped behind John’s balls and he hesitantly pressed a finger against him, and then into him, hearing John’s sharp intake of breath in response as he tensed.

Freddie mentioned that the first time always hurt at first. He also remembered Freddie telling him that distraction helped ease Freddie during his first time. So Roger moved his mouth further up, taking more of John in.

Roger waited until John was moaning again to move his finger inside of John. He began moving against him, so he put in a second finger. He did the same thing, letting John grow comfortable around him. Roger pulled back to put some more lube on his fingers before he entered a third finger, by which point John was squirming against him and moaning loudly.

Roger moved back to wrap his mouth around John’s penis, wanting to give John a little more time to get accustomed to his fingers, but John pushed him back, his hand against his shoulder.

“ _Please_ ,” John groaned out, desperation in his eyes.

“Deaky, I’m not sure if you’re ready—”

“I’m more than ready Rog, trust me. I just, I need you to…fuck me.”

John’s face flushed in response to his own words. It was the way he worded that that made Roger’s mouth go dry. He nodded in response, because how could he refuse an offer like that from him?

John responded by pressing his hands to Roger’s face and pulling him into a searing kiss, and moaning when he tasted himself on Roger’s tongue.

That was Roger’s undoing.

He moved back to grab his jeans from the floor, grabbing for the packet he usually carried in his back pocket. John raised a brow in response. Of course Roger carried condoms.

Roger shrugged at his expression, a smile lifting at his lips. “Just think of how fucking pissed off we’d be if I didn’t have one of these?”

“Point taken.” John said gruffly, as he watched Roger tear at the packet with his teeth and carefully place it on himself. Roger bit his lip as he moved back over John with a self-satisfied smile on his face.

He pushed John’s legs further apart, before grabbing at the bottle of lube and putting some on himself. He sat himself at his entrance, asking permission with his eyes.

John’s face was neutral, his eyes warm as he watched him, and Roger took that as his answer.

He began to push into him, and John automatically squeezed his eyes shut. Roger responded by dropping a kiss to John’s stomach as he pressed in little by little, using his hand to distract John again. He brushed against John’s balls, and John moaned loudly in response as Roger moved until he was fully inside of him. He remained still then, letting John grow accustomed to the feeling.

God, it was so good already, and Roger hadn’t even moved yet. The feeling of John, hot and tight around him had him biting on his lip to stop himself moaning.

It was painful at first. Not that John would tell Roger that. His hands fisted the sheets, blinking away any tell-tale tears that threatened to spill. But then as Roger stilled, it grew into more of a unfilled ache in the pit of his stomach, and he knew he needed Roger to move.

“Rog,” John murmured thickly. “Move.”

Roger nodded. “I’ll go slow.”

He rolled his hips forwards, slow and shallow against John’s, and John’s breath caught in his throat at the feeling. The movement was still slightly uncomfortable at first, but then it quickly gave way to pleasure as Roger thrust himself forwards, and John moaned throatily in response. It spurred Roger on, his movements growing faster and enjoying the way John moaned louder still.

Their skin slapped against each other with each thrust, filling the room with it’s noise that both of them were too far gone to notice.

John’s hands clawed at Roger’s back as Roger shifted his hips and moved deeper.

Roger tried to remember the way Freddie had described this part of sex. He remembered him telling Roger about there being a spot if Roger thrust deep enough, and how amazing it felt for both parties.

Roger moved John’s legs, pulling them around his waist, John’s feet at his back. Roger pressed a hand against the wall to steady himself before he slammed back into John determinedly, enjoying the way John cried out in response. Roger hissed at the blissful sting of pain as John dug his fingernails into his back, begging Roger not to stop.

Roger didn’t. Instead, he moved faster, moaning louder as he moved his hand faster against John.

John didn’t think there was anything in the world that could feel more incredible than this. Than Roger nestled against his neck, crying out with every perfect thrust of his hips. He threw his head back, moaning loudly as Roger’s hand moved around him in time with him thrusting into him, and John thought he might go mad at the pleasure of it all.

And then all too soon, John could feel his orgasm building, and he clung to Roger in response, his mouth at his ear. “Roger, I—”

“That’s it, Deaky.” Roger murmured softly. He was close himself, and his hand grew rougher around him. He pressed a kiss to John’s ear, his voice growing rough. “Come for me, sweetheart.”

John cried out loudly at that, and Roger stroked him through it, shivering at the look on John’s face as his orgasm overtook him. He truly was beautiful.

Roger sped up, chasing his own orgasm.

He pressed his forehead against John’s as he moaned. He was so close.

“Fuck, I’m…close.” He whispered huskily against John’s skin. “Do you want it in—”

“Yes,” John said instantly, knowing what Roger was asking. He pressed a kiss to Roger’s skin, before moving to his ear. “Let go, Rog.”

That was all it took. Roger groaned as it hit him, and John brushed back the sweaty hair from Roger’s forehead softly, watching the gorgeous expression on Roger’s face as he tried to memorise everything about tonight.

Roger responded by planting a kiss against John’s leg as he lowered them back against the bed.

Roger reluctantly pulled out of John with a sigh. He reached over to grab a couple of tissues, cleaning John up before pressing another kiss to John’s sticky forehead and rolling over to lay next to him and get rid of the condom in the bin next to the bed.

Their shallow breathing filled the hotel room, and Roger smiled to himself as John’s hand reached across to take Roger’s. Roger squeezed his hand before letting go and turning on his side to look at John. He still looked beautiful, his skin flushed, his hair wild, and sticking to his neck, and his eyes wild. He could feel Roger’s gaze, and he turned to smile at him.

Roger was even more gorgeous like this. His blonde hair was sticking up here and there, as if he’d just woken up, his cheeks were flushed, and he had this blissful smile on his face. It made John feel content to know that he was the reason for that.

“Well that was…”

“Amazing?” Roger continued for John, his cheeks growing redder.

“Understatement.” John agreed enthusiastically, and Roger’s smile grew at his words as he let go of John’s hand, and moved closer, so that his legs were touching John’s.

“I guess it’s a good thing that we still have the next fifteen to twenty hours to find something to do.” Roger repeated a version of his earlier words, a smirk on his face as he let his fingers trail a path over John’s chest. “It seems wasteful not to make the most of that time.”

John responded by turning on his side too and pressing closer to Roger. He dipped his head, kissing him softly and Roger sighed into his mouth as he wrapped an arm around John’s shoulder. John pulled away slightly, his breath mingling with Roger’s as he spoke.

“That was a yes, by the way.”

Roger chuckled warmly, enjoying the way John’s eyes crinkled with laughter too.

“Good. Because the second option was to hold you hostage.”

John leaned forwards to press another kiss to Roger’s lips. His breath shook as Roger’s hand suddenly drifted lower. It might have been mere minutes since they’d had sex, but he still found himself growing harder at the thought of having Roger inside of him again.

“No need. I’m all yours.” John whispered against Roger’s lips.

Roger responded by smashing his lips against John’s and kissing him firmer.

o-o-o

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know hat you thought! I'm always paranoid when I do smut that I'm not very good at it haha. Anyway hope you enjoyed the chapter. :) I had a very weird dream the other day about Queen. I dreamt that me and Mum flew out to LA to go and see them perform and I was singing along to Love of my Life which was amazing! In this dream though, they only played for twenty minutes but it was still amazing. And then halfway through, Adam Lambert turned to look at me (because I was sat really close to the stage, omg it was amazing lol) and told me not to video them lol, which was weird as everyone else was. And then it moved onto a nightmare where I crashed my Mum's car after coming home lol. I honestly have the weirdest dreams!


	14. Get Down, Make Love

“So darlings, I know we need to focus on tonight’s gig, but could we talk about the elephant in the room first?”

They’d just finished rehearsing _Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy_ when Freddie turned and stared at Roger and John expectantly.

They’d spent the night in Roger’s room. They hadn’t exactly spent much of that time sleeping. By the time they’d woken up, Roger’s key had been slid under the door. Roger didn’t know what would happen when they got back to England, so naturally he wanted to make the most of it. And he had.

They stopped each time, sharing the easy conversation that came with them being friends, as well as lovers. Roger had taken picture after picture, and John had taken a few. He would keep them close, the intimacy in them too obvious. They weren’t the sort to share, not even with the band. But he would cherish them all the same. As would John. Once they caught their breath, they were back on each other, kissing and touching. They stopped late into the night, realising that they probably needed a couple of hours sleep before their gig. But they’d still slept side by side, John’s arm wound around him.

If Roger was being honest, it had been one of the best nights of his life.

They’d seen Freddie and Brian on the way out of Roger’s room. It had been obvious that the two had been with each other all night from John wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

Freddie gave John five minutes to go and change before they met Prenter and Reid in the hotel café to talk about the gig over breakfast. Freddie resisted saying anything in front of them and Roger was glad of that. He didn’t trust Paul to know anything that was going on between him and John.

Instead, Freddie waited until they got to the venue to say something.

Roger automatically looked towards John from behind the drums. They hadn’t talked about what exactly they were going to do next, and Roger couldn’t help but feel nervous. But John wasn’t looking at them. He was focusing on tuning his guitar. Or at least, pretending to.

So Roger replied instead, shrugging it off.

“And what exactly is the elephant in the room?”

Freddie rolled his eyes at Roger’s obtuseness, using his hand to signal between Roger and John. “You and him, of course.”

Roger snorted in response. “I didn’t realise you wanted details of our sex life, Fred.”

It was meant as a joke, but Brian winched, looking up from where he was sat, his guitar in his lap. “Let me stop you there. I’ve made it clear I don’t have a problem with you two being together, but that doesn’t mean I want details. So if you want to hear all about that Fred, then…I’m walking away.”

“I didn’t know you were so squeamish, Bri.”

“It’s bad enough hearing details about all the women you’ve slept with. It would be even worst hearing about you and…John. No offence Deaky.”

John gave a one-shouldered shrug in response, not taking his eyes off of his guitar.

If Roger hadn’t looked at him, he’d think him not getting involved was because he wasn’t bothered about this chat. But the flush of his cheeks told Roger otherwise.

Deaky wasn’t like Roger. He didn’t really speak about his personal life, nor did he feel the need to brag about pulling women. So he knew that like Brian, this was probably the last conversation he wanted to be having.

“Luckily for you Bri, that wasn’t what I meant at all. Although I wouldn’t mind details about that later. Because let’s face it, I’ve virtually earned them given that both of you have come to me to ask for my opinion in the past—”

“Get to the point, Fred.” Brian said with a roll of his eyes.

 “Yes alright, no need to get snappy dear.” Freddie clicked his tongue at Brian’s tone, placing a hand on his hip as he turned to look at him for a moment, before turning back towards Roger, and where John sat on the edge of the drum riser. “Look, we’re happy that you seem to have sorted things, especially as the two of you seem more focused on this gig. But we need a chat about what happens now. Your relationship is none of our business, but we need to know what’s going to happen about Veronica and this baby.”

Roger’s head whipped round, seeing the way John’s hand tensed against his guitar. He quickly stood, moving in front of his drums and folding his arms against his chest.

“You said it yourself that this is none of your business. I don’t see why it matters.”

“Of course it matters,” Brian insisted, moving to stand too. “We all need to know whether you two are going to be more than just a short-time thing and whether John will tell Veronica about the two of you. It’s more so that we know that should anything come out, we can deny it accordingly should you both wish.”

Roger sighed, seeing the look on John’s face and automatically speaking up for the both of them.

“Yes okay, we get it, but all you both need to know is that—”

“I don’t know.”

John’s quiet voice got everyone’s attention automatically. He had that effect, even when it came to band arguments.

“That’s the truth of it.” John said with a sigh. “I know that I’m going to have to be honest to…Veronica when we get back, but that’s as far as I’ve gotten. It’s just a…it’s all a mess really.”

Roger frowned at John worriedly.

“Oh Deaky,” Freddie sighed heavily, moving to sit beside him on the drum riser. He placed his arm around him, trying to comfort his friend. “Well look, it’s no good tearing yourself up about this. You shouldn’t feel guilty about the way you feel. Nobody should. And it’s good that you’re being honest about that now. At least in telling her, you’ll both know where you stand. Veronica, she’ll…understand. Just give her time. But I would sit her down properly and talk to her. It’s virtually what I did with Mary, and as much as it was horrible at the time, we’ve both realised that we work much better as friends.”

Mary had broken up with Freddie just after Christmas. It seemed that like them, she had her suspicions about Freddie for a while and she was letting him free, so to speak. Freddie had confided in Brian after they’d gone for a drink alone after rehearsals. He’d sworn him to secrecy, saying that he wanted a bit of time to get his head around it. That was until Freddie had an argument with Roger after John broke up with him. John had already left the nightclub they were at, and Freddie had told Roger off for—in Freddie’s words—shagging about and hurting John. Roger got in a temper, and told him to stop being a hypocrite. Not when they all knew that Freddie shagged enough men on tour when he was supposed to be happily engaged to Mary. Freddie had blurted out that they’d broken up, and telling him he’d not told him or John because he’d needed time to accept it. He then gave Roger permission to tell John. It was only Prenter who Freddie hadn’t told yet, but Roger thought that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, considering the man’s embarrassing infatuation with Freddie.

Roger saw John bob his head in agreement with Freddie.

“At least if she knows, you can then discuss what you’ll both do when this baby comes.”

“He’s right,” Brian agreed, quietly clearing his throat. “But look, none of us will say anything to anyone else about this. I know Reid knows about the pregnancy, but it’s down to either of you two to tell him anything else, should you want to.”

“Yes, so stop fucking worrying darling.” Freddie said with a smile, breaking the tension a little. “Okay? Whatever happens next, we’ll all be there to see things through. So that’s that.”

John nodded, smiling slightly as he met Freddie’s eyes. “Okay. Thanks Fred.”

“No problem, Deaky.” Freddie smiled, giving him a pat on his back before he pulled away and turned to look at Brian and Roger. “Right on that note, let’s try and lift this fucking depressing mood with a bit of music, shall we?”

They spent most of the day rehearsing, before Brian called it a day. He was satisfied with the progress they’d made, and the band were sounding much better now that things were more settled. Everyone wanted to use the afternoon to relax before tonight’s gig, so Brian and Freddie went back to their rooms and John and Roger headed back to theirs.

“Do you want to hang out for a bit?” Roger asked John hopefully as they reached John’s room.

He nodded, turning away quickly to unlock his door. “Sure.”

John had been quiet for most of rehearsal, and Roger could see that he was still worrying, even after his conversation with Freddie. But Roger waited until they were both inside John’s room to say anything. He sat against his bed, running a hand through his hair as John went to grab them both a beer from the fridge.

“You shouldn’t worry too much, you know.”

John looked at Roger confused as he opened their beers with the bottle opener that he had on his keyring. He’d said it so out of the blue that John wasn’t all that sure what he was talking about.

“Did you mean about getting the double bass right for _39_ —”

“No, not that. Thanks.” Roger added as John passed him his bottle of beer. “You virtually cracked that in rehearsals this morning. I reckon only reason you didn’t was because your mind was still on other things.”

John gave a look of agreement, knowing he was probably right.

“I meant about you worrying about what you’re going to do when you get home—”

“Roger—”

“No, hear me out.” Roger interrupted quickly, watching John lean against the wall in front of Roger and take a sip of his beer. He looked up, curiosity in his eyes and Roger took that as the green light to continue talking. “I told you already that whatever happens, we’ll face it together. And Veronica might learn to understand. If you give her time. Freddie’s right. If you sit and talk to her properly, she might just surprise you.”

John nodded, but still looked a little downcast.

“And I know how much you’re probably beating yourself up at the thought of hurting Veronica, and I’m telling you, don’t.” Roger warned him carefully. He knew John too well. John frowning in response told him he was right. “I mean it. It’s better to be honest now than a year or longer down the line. That would have been crueller. To you and to her.”

“I know. And…I know you’re right.” John said softly, his eyes remaining on the floor.

“So…why do you still look like you’re torturing yourself about all of this? Unless…” Roger trailed off, fingering the label on his beer bottle as he spoke quietly, his voice uncertain. “You don’t err…you don’t regret…letting last night happen, right?”

“What? No of course not.”

John moved forwards, setting his bottle of beer onto the bedside table. Whatever happened now, he couldn’t find it in himself to regret any of it. Roger meant too much to him, and John hadn’t gotten himself anywhere pretending that wasn’t true. He might have been the one to break things off, but that was because John thought he’d been doing it for their own sakes. John was surprised that Roger could think he’d ever regret what the two of them had.

“Why would you even think that?”

“I don’t know,” Roger said with a shrug, suddenly feeling stupid. “All I know is that you hate upsetting people. And I don’t know…I just thought maybe it meant more to me than it did to you—”

“I can assure you that’s not true, Roger.”

“Right.” Roger said as he sipped on his beer. He found himself relieved to hear John say that. “Well good. Because…if I’m being honest, and I hope this doesn’t come off sounding stupidly fucking cheesy, because you know I hate shit like that, but…It was actually kind of…one of the best nights of my life—”

Roger didn’t get time to finish speaking. John was already snatching his beer and placing it with his on the bedside table. Roger looked up questioningly, but John answered by pressing his hands to Roger’s shoulders and leaning forwards, kissing Roger softly, trying to tell him just how much Roger meant to him through his kiss.

Roger groaned as John pulled away. He loved the way John had been kissing him, like his life depended on it.

John smiled at the expression on his face, softly tracing the skin of Roger’s shoulder as he spoke, his voice deep with longing. “I feel the same. It all meant just as much to me.”

Roger responded to that by pressing his hand into John’s hair and pulling him forwards, kissing him urgently. They fell back against the bed as Roger prepared to show him better than his words ever could about exactly how much John meant to him.

o-o-o

 

The tour ended far too quickly for Roger’s liking. He’d had the an incredible few weeks, and the band’s contentment showed in their performances.

Roger had chosen to live in the moment. That wasn’t exactly a new thing.

He refused to dwell on what might or might not happen when they got back to England. He was happy, probably the happiest he’d been. And he didn’t want that feeling to end. But he chose not to think too much about what that meant either. He refused to frighten himself by thinking what any of that meant. Instead, he focused on how he felt when he was with John. How he made his heart skip a beat just from a simple touch or a burning kiss. Or how he found himself wanting John more and more each time they were intimate.

No. As far as Roger was concerned, it would do no good to dwell on the bigger picture. Having said all that, he still found himself worrying as they stepped off of the plane.

They had no time to rest. They had barely enough time to get home, get changed, and then get back out to a post-tour party that John Reid had arranged.

It was at somebody’s house, Roger couldn’t remember who exactly.

Reid had promised that anyone and everyone would be there, including the likes of Elton John and David Bowie. He said that it would be good publicity for the band, not to mention a good excuse for an end of tour blow-out.

The latter was a good enough reason in their eyes.

The house was massive, a regal mansion on the outskirts of London. It was virtually in the middle of nowhere so that not just anyone could turn up on the doorstep.

It was decorated lavishly, perhaps a little tawdry. But none of them found they minded all that much. They were here to have a good time.

Freddie looked like he was in heaven before he’d even stepped through the front door. The waiters wore nothing but a pair of tiny shimmering gold shorts on, and the waitresses, a tiny pair of knickers.

One of the men was stood by the front door, a tray of glasses filled with champagne balanced on one of his hands. He was young, with short dark hair, and he had a muscular physique which Freddie took the time to ogle as he grabbed himself a glass.

“Aren’t you a gorgeous little thing?”

The man raked his eyes over Freddie, clearly pleased with Freddie’s tone.

“You look rather delicious yourself, sir.”

“Ooh, I like a man who calls me sir.” Freddie teased back, giving the man a very obvious wink as Brian rolled his eyes from behind him.

“Yes, yes, put the man down, Fred, before you decide to lynch him.”

Freddie pouted as Brian grabbed himself a glass and pulled Freddie through the front door with him.

“Well you’re no fun tonight, dear.”

“I’m just trying not to get us kicked out before we’ve even had our first drink.”

“Oh relax Brian,” Roger said with a roll of his eyes as he grabbed a glass for him and passed one to John. “We all know Freddie flirting is nothing compared to some of the things that go on at these parties.”

It was true. Reid was known to put on one hell of a party, where nothing was too extravagant. Topless men and woman floating about with champagne on a tray was practically boring.

Roger enjoyed everything about the Rockstar lifestyle. Freddie was the same. The two of them tended to bounce off each other at these events, with the drinks, the company, and sometimes, the drugs. Brian had already made it clear that they didn’t need any more attention being drawn to themselves this evening, given what was going on behind the scenes.

Roger downed his drink in one, before passing it off to one of the waitresses doing the rounds. She was blonde and slim, with long legs and bright blue eyes. The same eyes that lingered on Roger as she gave him a long look and a flirty smile. He returned the favour, before shrugging at the look Brian was giving him. He wouldn’t act on it, not now that he had John, but a harmless flirt wouldn’t do their image any harm. Especially as everyone knew that keeping up appearances meant doing what they would normally be doing at these things and everyone knew Roger enjoyed a flirt.

“What? You know I’d never act on anything.”

Brian shook his head. “It’s not what _I_ know that’s important.”

Roger automatically looked towards John to find him conveniently looking away. He nudged him with his arm, and John painted on a neutral expression much to Roger’s frustration. He stepped closer, leaning towards John to talk quietly as Freddie and Brian were talking about something else.

“You know I’ve got no interest in other women, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course I do.”

“I just thought…well everyone knows I like a flirt.” Roger said with a shrug. That was an understatement. He could out-flirt Freddie at times. “It would look a little weird if I suddenly stopped doing that. Difference is that now I’ve only got an interest in getting you into bed—”

“I get it, Rog.”

John stepped away quickly, giving Roger a look. Here wasn’t the best place to be talking like that, even if Roger was being quiet. John’s face was a little flushed though, and he hid his small smile behind his champagne glass. Roger ducked his head triumphantly as he moved to hear what Brian and Freddie were talking about.

“No sign of Reid.”

“Oh, he’ll be off mingling dear. Never mind.” Freddie replied to Brian, before handing his and Brian’s empty glass to another waiter, and grabbing two more for them. “Plenty more champagne to go around.”

Roger grabbed himself another glass.

“Free booze. This party is starting well.”

“Yeah but you’ve always been easily pleased.” John teased from besides him with a smile.

“At last, he speaks.”

John shot Freddie a look. “That counts for you too, Fred.”

Freddie shrugged, looking completely nonplussed about that. “What can I say? Give me a few semi-naked, hot men to ogle, and a glass of bubbles, and I’m happy as Larry.”

“Don’t we know it.” Brian said through gritted teeth, his expression sour as he lead the way through the crowds of people, most of which had recognized them by that point.

Freddie merely shrugged, following Brian. There was a table full of open champagne bottles on a long table and Freddie grabbed one as they walked past. But he was caught by a waiter, who raised his eyebrow at Freddie in response. He was tall, and blonde, and even better looking than the man stood by the front door.

“Oh don’t give me that look, darling. This party is basically _for_ us. Now be a dear and bring along another one, would you?”

John shook his head as the man actually nodded, a smile on his lips. It seemed that Freddie barely had to do anything to get men’s attention. They always noticed him. Then again, Roger had always had that allure. He himself had been transfixed practically since he’d joined. And he’d seen enough men and women desperate to gain Roger’s attention.

“Go on then. I’ll just get rid of these dirty glasses. Only because it’s you, though.”

“Thanks gorgeous.” Freddie cooed, blowing him a kiss, before offering a less than impressed Brian a shrug of his shoulders. “Look at me like that all you want dear, but I’ve just bagged us another bottle of champagne.”

“Congratulations.” Brian snapped, before leading the way again. “You do realise that when I said about not drawing any attention to ourselves earlier, I was advising the band as a whole?”

“Oh relax and have some fun, Brian.”

Roger rolled his eyes as he downed his second glass. They were like a married couple sometimes.

Brian lead them to the garden out the back. It was too busy inside, and there’d been nowhere to sit. There were still loads of people out here, but most were sat around the pool. They moved to sit on a large velvet sofa, all of them thankful for the fact that it was a warm evening as Freddie topped up their glasses.

The man came back five minutes later, two bottles of champagne in his hands. They’d already used up the first bottle, so Freddie was impressed.

“Here, why don’t you share this one with Roger and John?”

Brian frowned in confusion at Freddie’s suggestion as Freddie passed him a bottle from the waiter.

“I know you managed to get us two, but that’s a bit greedy—”

“Well I can’t exactly share this one if I’m going to be off fu—err, looking…looking for Reid.” Freddie quickly added, before looking back at the waiter. “I think you should come and help me dear. You know what they say about having an extra pair of eyes.”

“That you’ll likely be as blind as each other?” Brian quipped.

“No dear. That we’re more likely to find him, of course.” Freddie replied with a click of his tongue. “Especially if that second pair of eyes has a gorgeous arse.”

The waiter smiled as he stood up to follow Freddie, his eyes lingering on Freddie’s back. “Right back at you, sweetheart.”

Brian sighed heavily, looking fed-up of the party already as he watched them walk back inside. “So they probably won’t be back for a while.”

“More like all evening.” John added with a snort. They all knew what Freddie could be like when he was distracted by a pretty, young thing.

“So what?” Roger interjected with a shrug, before drinking back a generous amount of his champagne. “It’s supposed to be a party. I’m sure if you go and _mingle_ yourself Bri, you’d soon find yourself a willing distraction.”

He was saying it half because it looked as if Brian needed a distraction right about now, and half because Roger was not so subtlety trying to shake him off. Of course he enjoyed Brian and Freddie’s company, but he much preferred John’s for obvious reasons. Brian seemed to register that. He rolled his eyes as he prepared to stand, leaving the bottle of champagne on the table in front of Roger and John.

“Alright, I get the hint.”

John opened his mouth to tell Brian to ignore Roger, feeling bad as he prepared to slope off, but then he stopped, watching Roger as he re-filled John’s still virtually full glass.

“Come on Deaky. Drinking a bit slowly, aren’t you?” Roger complained as he filled his own glass and set the bottle back onto the table.

John rolled his eyes at Roger’s tone. “Why are you always so eager to get me drunk?”

“Because I’ve already told you, drunk Deaky is fun. Not to mention _flirty_.”

John flushed a little under Roger’s gaze, and Roger smirked in response, as if he’d somehow been proven right by the redness of John’s cheeks.

“I am _not_ flirty.”

Roger shrugged in response. “You are with me.”

John was just about to mention how that was completely different. He didn’t seem to be able to resist flirting with Roger. But Roger beat him to it.

“Then again, who can blame you?”

“Nothing like giving yourself an ego boost.”

John’s eyes dropped to the back of the sofa, where Roger’s arm had suddenly wound itself, his fingers playing idly with a lock of John’s hair. It felt nice, but that wasn’t the point. It had John looking round, making sure nobody was looking at them. So far, they wasn’t, but it wouldn’t be long if Roger sat himself any closer. They had to be smarter than this.

It was hard to listen to his own advice when Roger had his mouth at his ear, his voice husky and his tone flirty.

“I’d much rather you give me a _boost_.”

John snorted, feeling thankful that he’d chosen not to raise his glass to take a sip at that exact moment. He would have probably choked.

“ _Wow_. You do realise people might overhear you saying things like that?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t love the risk, Deaky.” Roger whispered as he continued playing with a lock of John’s hair. Then a thought occurred to him that had his eyes glazing over at the thought. “I bet you’d love getting caught. I bet you’d get off on the thought of the others walking in on us fucking—”

“Seriously Roger?” John asked incredulously, his voice a little high.

“What?” Roger asked innocently, moving back to look at John. “There are no press here. Not to mention, it’s Reid’s party. Nobody would blink, even if they did take any notice. Besides, does it look like I care if they see?”

That was exactly the problem. He didn’t.

The people at this party were more likely to be liberally minded, but still. There were some well-known names here, and just because there was no press, didn’t mean that word wouldn’t still spread like wildfire.

Having said that, John had to clear his throat and adjust his jeans discreetly at Roger’s words. “Rog, look—”

Roger rolled his eyes as he moved to sit further away and let his hand fall from John’s hair. “You need to lighten up, Deaky.”

John automatically felt bad as he watched Roger refill his glass too.

“I’m just saying that we need to be careful. Besides…” John trailed off, letting his hair fall past his shoulders a little as he talked. “We both know that if I let you carry on flirting, and you kept re-filling my glass, I’d have been on your lap in no time.”

Roger smiled a little at that, a dreamy look on his face. “Hmm, I’d much rather have you on my _di—_ ”

“Stop. Right now.”

Roger groaned in response, downing his champagne in one and re-filling his glass again. “You’re seriously no fun tonight.”

“It’s not because I don’t want to be.” John sighed, sipping at his champagne. One of them had to try to be level-headed. Even still, he found himself sitting forwards after making sure nobody was looking and whispering in Roger’s ear, wanting to make it up to him. “Look, how about this? Me and you get through this stupid party, and then you take me back to yours, and I’ll show you just how fun I can be.”

Roger shivered. “Deal. Are you staying over?”

John dropped his gaze as he moved back, taking his time by taking another sip of his champagne. “I’d…better not. Veronica’s back from her Mum’s, but we haven’t had a chance to talk yet. I offered to let her stay, just in the spare room, but I’d better not spend all night out.”

“Oh. Fair enough.”

John frowned at Roger’s expression. “Sorry. At least it will give me a chance to talk to her first thing tomorrow—”

“It’s fine,” Roger said quickly. He swallowed thickly, searching for a subject change to get the idea of her waiting back at John’s. Even with there being nothing in it, Roger couldn’t help but dislike it. It had him wanting to be reckless. It had him wanting to do things to John that would have him thinking about when he was back at his later. “Anyway, I think I’ve got a better idea.”

John watched Roger curiously. Roger responded by leaning to whisper in John’s ear.

“I’ll head upstairs and find a bedroom. Why don’t you give it five minutes and then follow me up?”

John shot Roger a look. “Is that a good idea? Given everything I’ve just said, We don’t even know whose house this is.”

“So? That’s part of the fun. Oh come on, tell me you’re not tempted.”

John avoided his eyes as he sipped his champagne again and Roger smirked, his point proven. John was always tempted when it came to Roger. He made him want to be reckless, and John wasn’t sure that letting that part of him take hold was the best idea right now.

“I promise I’ll make it worth your while, Deaks.” Roger purred, pressing his hand to John’s thigh, and moving it higher.

John squirmed in response, weakly pushing Roger’s hand away as his eyes darted around to make sure nobody was looking.

“Rog—”

“Stop being such a fucking spoilsport.” Roger groaned, quickly moving to fill his glass again. If John wasn’t going to let him have any fun tonight, he might as well spend the time getting drunk. Then he got an idea, enjoying the way John looked up at him worriedly as Roger stood. He turned, a glint in his eyes as he looked at John. “Choice is yours, John. But I’ll be upstairs waiting. I promise you one thing though. You’d definitely regret not taking me up on my offer.”

And with that, Roger sauntered back inside, the bottle of champagne in his hand.

John ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Of course he wanted to give in and follow Roger. But there was a part of him holding back. Queen meant everything to him, and he didn’t want to run the risk of ruining it, and being with Roger like this was a sure way to do that should anyone find out. But there was a bigger part of him, the one that loved being with Roger, telling him to go for it.

The latter won out.

He gave it ten minutes, before putting down his glass on the table and moving back through the house. He tried to look natural, to make it look like he was just wondering through.

He spotted Brian speaking to John Reid in the kitchen, arms folded across his chest, and looking like they were in a deep conversation. He quickly ducked his head, practically scurrying over to the staircase. He wasn’t the most subtle and he found himself desperate not to be recognized, should anyone stop him to talk. He took the steps two at a time, and then disappeared through the upstairs hallway. There were at least ten doors on the landing, and he tip-toed forwards, trying to listen out for a sign of which room Roger could have sneaked into.

“Roger?”

He paused at the first one, about to lift his hand and knock when he didn’t hear anything.

“Hmm Freddie, you feel so good.”

John practically jumped back from the door. Good god, Freddie really didn’t waste any time.

He smiled despite himself. Freddie had this incredible confidence when it came to that sort of thing. It made him wish he could learn to live in the moment just as Freddie did sometimes.

He moved forwards until he was halfway up the corridor and whispered Roger’s name again.

Finally and after what felt like forever later, Roger’s head popped round the doorway. He spotted John stood uncertainly in the hallway and smiled. John noticed as Roger opened the door wider that he already had his top off, and John’s gaze quickly fell from his face.

“About bloody time. It’s rude to keep a guy waiting you know, Deaky.”

John swallowed heavily, looking back up to see Roger staring at him expectantly.

“Well I couldn’t seem too keen.”

“Oh _please_ ,” Roger snorted, holding the door open for John to step past him, as John began to move closer. “Most women would fall over themselves for a chance to sleep with me. Actually, who am I kidding? Most men too.”

Roger quickly shut the door behind John before leaning back against the door and letting John take in the room. It was spacious. The décor was a little garish, the walls painted a mustard colour and the carpet was old and floral patterned, but John didn’t care. Not when he saw how big the bed was.

John suddenly realised he hadn’t replied yet. He shrugged in response. “Luckily for you, I’m not most men.”

He turned around to find Roger watching him closely, a look in his eyes which made John shiver. “No. You’re definitely not, Deaky.”

Roger removed the space between them in two strides, an urgent look in his eyes as he pressed his hands to John’s shoulders and pulled him in for a searing kiss.

John moaned as Roger kissed him urgently, his hands falling to Roger’s waist as he pulled him closer. He could taste the champagne, and it tasted even better on Roger’s lips.

Roger deepened the kiss, his tongue pressing against John’s insistently, as he pushed John backwards by his shoulders without breaking their kiss. John just about worked out how to move his feet. He took that as a win considering that he just about managed to remember to breathe when they kissed.

Roger broke their kiss first, pushing John back and away. John suddenly felt the bed underneath him as he stared up at Roger through his eyelashes, breathing hard, and enjoying Roger’s gaze. He wanted him so badly already, and they’d barely even started.

Roger stepped forwards so that their legs were touching, and John automatically put his hands back on him, pressing to the loopholes in his jeans and tugging him forwards so that Roger was stood in between his legs.

His hands moved upwards, his fingertips stroking Roger’s smooth body, up his chest and feeling Roger shiver in response. His eyes fluttered shut as John dived into Roger’s hair, pulling his face downwards so John could kiss him again. Roger sighed at the way John kissed him roughly, his hands locked in John’s hair too.

John wrapped a leg around Roger’s lower back, pushing him forwards enough so that Roger could feel the effect he was having on him already and Roger moaned into John’s mouth in response. John lowered his hands to Roger’s shoulders, pushing him forwards so that he was hovering over John, their bodies pressed together.

John moved his hands lower, reaching between them to start undoing Roger’s belt quickly. But Roger pulled his hand away and John broke their kiss, his mouth forming a pout in frustration. Roger let his fingers trail over it, a warm look in his eyes.

“Tonight’s for you, Deaky.”

“But I want to touch you.” John complained roughly, before Roger kissed away the pout of his lips softly before moving back to turn a strand behind John’s ear.

“And you can, Deaky. You’re more than welcome to pay me back for this later. Maybe a quickie in the back of my car when we get back to mine. That would be so _hot_.”

Roger closed his eyes for a moment as he pictured it. John, withering and moaning beneath him as Roger took him on the backseat of his car. The image alone drove him crazy.

John whimpered in response, biting on his bottom lip as Roger re-opened his eyes, his gaze heavy with desire.

“But right now, I want to give you something to think about when you get back home later.” Roger said, his fingers moving to quickly undo John’s shirt. He did it in a few fluid movements, making it look too easy, before ducking his head to suck the skin just below John’s ear. He bit his lip in response, suppressing a groan as Roger’s lips lingered at his ear, voice thick.

“I’m going to rock your world, Deaky.”

Then Roger’s lips were back on his, swallowing John’s groan with a long, urgent kiss before he began to kiss a path to his jaw and lower, down to his throat. Roger sucked a spot, before making John draw a sharp intake of breath as he bit down. John was far too gone to care about the risk of it being seen. Roger smiled against John’s skin at his reaction, as he traced a trail down his body, his lips following.

His hands quickly undid John’s belt, before moving onto the button and zipper of his trousers. John lifted his hips as Roger pulled at the loopholes, pushing down John’s underwear with them until they pooled at his feet, over his shoes. He couldn’t be bothered taking them off the whole way. He was in too much of a rush to touch him, to make it good for John.

Roger watched the flickering of emotions stir on John’s face as he touched him. John moaned loudly in response before biting his lip hard, partly aware that the upstairs wasn’t completely vacant. But that was soon forgotten with as Roger suddenly bent his head and took him in his mouth. He threw his head back at the sensation of Roger’s warm mouth around him.

Roger had only done this once, during their first time. But he barely got to do anything, so he was still just as unsure on how to make it good. But he knew how much John seemed to like it the first time, and he wanted to make it feel even better. So as much as Roger didn’t want to be thinking of Freddie at this particular moment, he tried to remember any helpful advice he’d given.

He dragged the flat of his tongue against the length of him, remembering how much John had liked that. Roger felt a surge of pride at the sounds John was making as he licked the end of his penis, taking more of him in, before moving back to stroke him with his hand. It gave him a moment to watch John, withering in pleasure, and Roger felt himself harden at the image.

“Tell me if I do something wrong.” Roger whispered, before bending his head back down to take him in his mouth.

John’s fingers tightened against Roger’s hair almost painfully as Roger’s hand brushed underneath his penis, and lower, tracing his balls. Roger groaned softly as he tried taking more of John in his mouth. He’d only managed half, and he pulled back again, to see John watching him with hooded eyes. Roger flushed in response.

“Is…is it okay? I’m trying to fit more—”

“Rog,” John said softly. “It’s perfect. _Please_ don’t stop.”

His words gave Roger a much needed boost of confidence. He used one hand to wrap around him again, managing to reach for the bottle of lube from the back pocket of his jeans with his other hand, and put some on his fingers. Once he’d done that, Roger bent to wrap his mouth around him again and let his hand wonder past his balls.

John cried out as Roger pressed a finger into him, and Roger moaned around him at the sound, as he tried to take as much of John into his mouth as he could. John’s head fell back against the bed, his eyes almost rolling back into his head at the sensation of Roger’s moan vibrating through him, and his finger moving inside of him. It made John’s legs tremble, and that feeling doubled as Roger pressed a second finger into him.

 “I’m…close.” John groaned, his voice rough.

He wanted to warn him so that Roger had a chance to move away. But Roger slapped John’s hand away as he pushed against Roger’s shoulder. Instead, his mouth moved up and down him as fast as he could, enjoying the sound of John’s ragged breathing as his hand fisted against the duvet instead.

Fuck! Rog, I’m—”

Roger shivered at John’s gravely warning. John cried out, Roger’s name flying from his lips again as his fingers pulled at Roger’s hair as he came.

As much as Roger had been enjoying the flicker of emotions crossing John’s features, his gaze suddenly dropped. It tasted a little weird, and it was warm in his mouth, but it tasted okay. It wasn’t that different to the times where he’d done this with women, but it meant more, because it was Deaky. So he closed his eyes and swallowed and that was that.

John’s fingers brushed against Roger’s cheek softly, forcing Roger’s eyes back to his. Doing that to John made it worthwhile when John gazed at him like that. Like he was this incredible person, like he adored Roger just for being him. That meant more to Roger than he dared let himself admit. At least out-loud.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

Roger shook his head, moving to sit beside where John was still leaning back against the bed, watching him closely. “Yeah well. I wanted to. I wanted to make you feel good, Deaky.”

John smiled softly as he sat up and took Roger’s hand in his. “And you did. It was way better than good. That was honestly incredible, Roger.”

“Good. Then I guess I succeeded.”

Roger couldn’t fight away his smile, so he hid it against John’s lips as he moved forwards to kiss him.

Reluctantly, John dressed and the two of them headed back to the party soon after. They knew that couldn’t be away from the party for too long, or they’d end up facing the wrath of Brian. John’s promises of making it up to Roger were ringing in his ears as they left the bedroom, and Roger kissed him firmly in response, eagerly accepting that offer.

Unfortunately, it happened to be at that moment that Freddie was leaving the bedroom down the hall with his friend too. Freddie grinned as he took in the mess that was Roger’s hair where John’s hands had messed it up, and the way John’s fly was still undone.

“Well, well, well. Looks like we’re not the only ones to have had some fun.” Freddie said in a teasing voice.

Roger shrugged in response, unfazed by Freddie’s words. He knew Freddie didn’t care, not when he was off having his own fun.

“You’ve said it yourself many times Fred. It’s not a party without a little fun.”

Freddie smiled in response as he turned to head towards the staircase, pulling his friend with him by the hand. “True. And you know I’m all about people having _fun_ at parties. However, you might want to do up your fly Deaky, and fix your hair Roger dear, before you both come back downstairs. I’m not too bothered, but I have a feeling Brian wouldn’t be too happy if all three of us wear the same _I’ve-Just-Been-Fucked_ look when we’re supposed to be here promoting the end of the tour.”

Roger rolled his eyes and flattened his hair unwillingly, but John had fixed the fly of his jeans before Freddie had even finished talking, his face a little flushed at Freddie’s words. It was so adorable that Roger couldn’t resist pressing a small kiss to the blush of his cheeks, laughing softly as he pulled away.

“That’s us told, I guess.”

“And by Freddie Mercury of all people.” John added with a small smile.

Roger shrugged as he took John’s hand to follow Freddie. “As far as I’m concerned, a telling off from Freddie means we’ve officially made it in life.”

John laughed in response, letting Roger lead him back to the party.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update this!! Hopefully the wait will be worth it. Hope you enjoyed the continued smut hehe! What did you all think of the hint of Brian being a little jealous at Freddie's usual escapades? I'm curious lol. I don't want to go overboard on the whole 'Frian' thing, as I want people to use their own imagination on what could be going on with those two. Anyway, on that note, let me know what you thought of it all. 😊💗


	15. Too Much Love Will Kill You

Veronica was in bed by the time John got home. The band hadn’t left the party until past one, and then he’d headed back to Roger’s in his car. John had had far less to drink than Roger and by the time they left, he was practically sober. That hadn’t made driving any easier.

Roger couldn’t keep his hands off of him. Roger had had his hand against John’s thigh the whole time, making John’s breath hitch. He’d tried to move his hand away, particularly when Roger’s hand edged dangerously close to his dick, which was growing harder at all the dirty things Roger was promising to do to John the minute they got back to his.

In the end, he’d all but slammed the car into a bay outside of Roger’s flat. Less than a second later, he’d dragged Roger onto his lap, Roger’s mouth descending onto his roughly.

He’d spent the whole time touching Roger, memorising every scar, every freckle and every hair on his body. He paid him back in full by taking Roger against the hard planes of the steering wheel. Roger had been loud, his head thrown back, his eyes glazed over. It was John’s first time being inside of Roger and it had been so, so good. The best feeling in the world. Roger’s warmth pressed around him tightly as Roger’s fingernails dug into his skin painfully. He welcomed it, he wanted proof that tonight had happened. It had all felt too good to be real.

They’d carried things on in Roger’s flat, in his bed. With Roger pressing his hands into his hair as John took him in his mouth, enjoying the way Roger shouted his name as he came.

John had had to leave soon after that. He hadn’t wanted to.

Roger had been virtually asleep by the time John had peeled himself away. Roger’s eyes had begged John to come back to bed, but instead Roger insisted that he understood when John told him that he had to leave. John smiled apologetically, bending to press a kiss to his forehead before he reluctantly went.

John had crept into his bedroom and vowed to seek Veronica out in the morning. He knew for sure that he wanted to be with Roger. He’d wanted to do the right thing, but Freddie was right. It was better to be honest, and hopefully he could get her to understand. He was willing to try anything to make this work, but it wouldn’t be fair on the baby to pretend to be happy with Veronica either.

John woke around ten to a quiet flat. He wrapped his dressing gown round him and headed out of his bedroom to see if Veronica was up.

She was.

She was sat in the living room on the sofa, already dressed, and listening to the soft hum of the radio as she flicked through a magazine.

He bid her a good morning and then asked if she wanted coffee as he made his way through to the kitchen. She nodded, not lifting her head to look at him.

He put it down to her being tired and said nothing as he headed out the room.

She’d said it herself that pregnancy hormones had been starting to get to her. She was bigger now too, which meant that she was starting to find it difficult to find a comfortable sleeping position.

John planned on talking to her straight after. He had to, whilst he had the courage to get the words out. He headed back into the living room and handed her a cup.

“So I assumed you had a good night. Given how late you got in.”

He frowned guiltily as he sat against the arm of the armchair besides the sofa. He thought he’d managed to be quiet.

“Yeah, it was…it was good. Sorry if I woke you.”

She gave a small smile but it didn’t reach her eyes. “You didn’t. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh. Any reason?”

She shrugged as she lifted her cup back up to her lips. “The usual. I couldn’t get comfortable.”

He nodded, watching her worriedly for a moment, before frowning down at his cup. “Maybe we should mention that at the scan next week. See if they can recommend something.”

“Maybe. Although, I’m thinking that finding these didn’t make me want to sleep any more than normal either.”

He heard Veronica set something down, and he almost dropped his cup as he looked up to see what it was. On top of the magazine on the table lay a bunch of pictures. Pictures of him and Roger. From the night they’d slept together for the first time, whilst on tour.

There was one of Roger on the bed, shirtless, with the duvet pooled around his waist. John had been stood at the foot of the bed as Roger gazed up at the camera with a sleepy smile. Another was of Roger with his eyes closed, about to fall asleep, laid naked next to John with just his head and shoulders in shot. He’d looked so beautiful in that one, his long eyelashes resting against his upper cheeks. There was another one of Roger messing about, striking a pose as he laid naked on John’s request. Another one was of them both laughing on the bed. But the last one was probably the most intimate. Roger had held the camera up as they’d kissed on the bed, John’s hands in Roger’s hair. Their eyes were closed, but they both had a look of desire splayed across their features.

“I can explain—”

“This should be interesting.”

Her eyes met his as she waited expectantly. Her gaze was cold, and John faltered for a second. He wasn’t used to seeing that look, not from her.

He took a deep breath, dropping his gaze quickly. He had no excuse but to be honest now.

“I’m sorry.”

“What for exactly?”

“You already know what for—”

“I want to hear you say it.”

He ran a hand through his hair, forcing a small nod in response. He couldn’t meet her eyes yet.

“Roger and I are…we’re together.”

He heard her huff in response. “That’s obvious by these pictures.”

“Then…I don’t know what you want me to say?”

He felt helpless. Whatever he said wouldn’t make her feel any better and he didn’t want to make this any worse if he could help it.

“I want you to be honest.” She said quietly. “You’ve obviously been intimate for a while if these pictures are anything to go by. How long exactly?”

“A while.”

“That’s a little vague.”

“I don’t see how this is going to help—”

“So you don’t think I deserve the truth, is that what you’re saying?”

He glanced upwards, surprise in his eyes. “No of course it’s not. I just don’t know if me telling you all of this is going to make you feel any—”

“What, better?” She retorted angrily. “Of course hearing this is probably not going to make me feel any better, but surely it’s for me to decide if I want to hear it or not.”

“Yes but—”

“But nothing, John. Just be honest with me for once would you!”

He flinched at her words, her face red with anger. He wanted to tell her she was wrong, but what good would it do? Besides, he had spent months lying to her. He hated himself for that. So he quickly dropped his gaze again and nodded instead.

“We’d…only kissed up until the night before you came to see me in America. That was when things…got more physical.”

She nodded, swallowing heavily and flicking her hair out of her face. “Right. What about before then? When did things change between you two?”

He ran his hand over a loose stray on his dressing gown, frowning guiltily. She wanted him to be honest though, and that’s what he’d be. He could at least do that for her. “I…I’ve always felt something. I just didn’t want to admit. I didn’t want to risk ruining our friendship or the band.”

“But presumably somewhere along the line you decided it was worth that risk. Was it before or after you met me? Or was I some kind of…cover-up so that you two could continue—”

“No of course you wasn’t!” John quickly interrupted, hurt in his eyes as he looked up at her in shock. How could she think that? Yes it was true that he’d been pining for Roger when he met her. But then he got to know Veronica, and despite John’s feelings for him, he’d been fond of her. Who knows? If him and Roger hadn’t happened, maybe he could have grown to be happy with her. It wouldn’t have meant as much, but it could have come close to contentment, John was sure. But then Roger blurted out his feelings, and John was never going to be able to walk away from that completely.

“I know it probably doesn’t feel like it right now, with everything that I’ve done. But I was happy with you, Veronica. I was. It’s just that…it was always Roger. I’ve spent years pretending these feelings didn’t exist, and when he finally told me he felt the same…”

He trailed off, letting his unfinished sentence speak for itself.

“Let me guess, you practically jumped for joy?” She said sadly. Then she sighed. “You’re still avoiding my question, John.”

There was a good reason for that. This thing had all started the day her Dad had died. He felt a surge of guilt as she stared at him questioningly, waiting for him to start talking.

“We…talked on boxing day. Roger had been acting out a lot.” He said quietly. “You saw him. The way he talked to you, and then he was drinking more than usual, and I was worried. So I asked him what was wrong, and…that was when he told me why he’d been how he had.”

She nodded, biting her lip for a long moment before realisation dawned on her features. John could see exactly when she realised the significance of that and he quickly dropped his gaze.

“Jesus,” she moaned. She put a hand over her mouth as a sob escaped, before turning away and rubbing at her eyes. She took a shaky breath before she spoke again, her voice a little shaky. “Of all the days…”

“I know, I know, and I’m so sorry—”

“No wonder you looked so shocked when I turned up at the front door! I bet that must have been bloody inconvenient for you!”

She groaned, pulling at her hair as she turned back, anger burning in her eyes. John opened his mouth to apologize again, desperate to do anything to fix this. He still cared about her in his own way. He hated seeing her like this, knowing he was the cause.

“Don’t John!” She warned with her hand. “Just fucking don’t, okay!”

He bowed his head at her tone. God, he felt like the worst fucking person in the world.

“Do you know what I think?” She asked, her voice heavy with emotion. “I don’t think you wanted me to find these, not really. Sure, you might have wanted to tell me. You might have had it all planned out in your head, what you were going to say. But why else would you have hidden these in your sock drawer like some dirty secret?”

He fought not to flinch at the way she said that. She was talking like that because she was angry. She had every right to be. But that didn’t mean that what she was saying was true. The last thing Roger was to him was his _dirty secret_. The only real reason he’d hidden them was to avoid hurting her feelings. But she’d found them anyway.

“I wasn’t searching, just so you know. I was bored last night, and I saw that you hadn’t put your washing away.” She huffed, shaking her head at something, a bemused expression on her face. “How pathetic does that make me? Sitting at home sorting your washing whilst you two were off probably—”

Then she suddenly stopped. Her eyes widened as she stared off into the distance and John frowned in concern.

“Are you ok—”

“What time did you leave the party, John?”

“I don’t know. It was late.”

She turned her head to look at him expectantly. “And you came straight back here?”

He frowned, dropping his gaze as the realisation flickered across her features. He’d never been the best liar and he was guessing his expression gave him away.

“No of course you didn’t. Let me guess, you both went back to his for a nightcap or two.” She shook her head, anger in her eyes. “I bet you two must have had a real laugh at me on tour. Whilst you two were having the time of your lives, and I was back here dealing with…this.”

She gestured to her swollen baby in frustration, before groaning loudly.

“I know you’re angry but it wasn’t like that—”

“Sure it wasn’t!” She said angrily. “God, why couldn’t you have been honest about this from the beginning? At least I wouldn’t be here now, miserable and bloody pregnant!”

“You can’t mean that—”

“Why can’t I? You think I want this? To be pregnant with your baby.” She asked, narrowing her eyes at him. She ignored his expression at her words. It wasn’t exactly ideal, not for her at least. He was in a well-known band, and not only had he gotten Veronica pregnant, but he was now in a relationship with his best friend. “I could deal with the fact that you were famous, and that being with you came with all of that, I did. But this…I wanted my first child to be born after I got married, after I was settled, and not with you leaving me for…for _him_.”

She stopped, blinking back more tears before clearing her throat. Then she gave a short, quiet laugh. “Well at least one thing makes sense. Why Roger hated me so much.”

“He didn’t hate you—”

“Oh come on, John, be honest.” Veronica said with a roll of her eyes “He could barely look at me and now I know why. Every time I hung out with you all, he made it more than obvious he didn’t want me there. He let it be known from the get go that he didn’t want you to be with anyone else. I just didn’t see it before.”

He sighed, trying to find the words to try and make this situation any easier for her. “Look, I’m sorry this has happened the way it has, I really am. But I promise you that I was going to tell you everything this morning. I knew I needed to be honest, and that you needed to know—”

“That’s all big of you, I suppose.”

“But I still want to be there for this baby as much as I would have been—”

“ _What_?” She hissed, preparing to stand suddenly. She shot him a look as he automatically stepped forwards to help her. She might have been heavily pregnant but she would rather struggle than accept his help. She’d had to start wearing maternity clothes and she hated it. They made her feel like she’d put on five stone, and the baby had given her stretch marks, and she’d never felt so insecure about the way she looked. On top of all that, she was finding out that John had never really been hers in the first place. She refused to admit it out-loud, but she’d really been starting to fall for him. And now he was suggesting that he could still be there for this baby, just as he would have been if they were still together. It made her angry, and it made her want to lash out.

“No, I’m sorry John, but as far as I’m concerned, you lost all right in being there for this baby the moment you went with _him_!”

His stomach dropped at her words. He understood her anger, and her urge to lash out. But he had to be there for this baby, he just _had_ to. It would kill him not to be a part of its life.

“I know I’ve hurt you and you have every right to want to hurt me back, but it’s my baby too. I’m still its father—”

“It’s a pity you couldn’t remember that before you went off with _him_ , isn’t it?” She shouted before she could stop herself. she hated losing her temper, but her hormones were all over the place and she felt hurt. They hadn’t been together long, but he still meant a lot to her. And she was only just finding out that she hadn’t really meant anything to him after all.

 She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and taking a calming breath before she spoke again.

“As far as I’m concerned, it was you who chose to abandon us. Not the other way around.”

He knew this would happen. He knew she’d be like this, hence his resistance at being honest with her in the first place. At least before she had gotten pregnant, there would only have been her to hate him. He couldn’t bear the thought of this baby being turned against him because of the mistakes he’d made.

“ _Please_ Veronica, don’t do this. I’ve made mistakes, I should have been honest with you from the beginning, I know that now, but it wouldn’t be fair to keep me from this baby—”

“Then you should have thought of that! You were the one to cheat on me, not—”

She suddenly stopped, her hand flying to her stomach as her face contorted in pain. He was by her side instantly, eyes widening in panic as he pressed a hand to her back.

“Are you okay? Is it the baby—”

“I’m _fine_ ,” she growled out, forcing herself to stand straight again and knocking his hand away as she moved to walk past him. “The baby kicks a little too hard sometimes, that’s all—”

“The baby’s been kicking?” John asked eagerly. He’d felt kind of disappointed that he’d missed it. He knew it was stupid, but he’d had the idea that when the baby kicked for the first time, him and Veronica would be together, both in awe. It felt as if this was going to be just the first of many things on a long list that he would miss out on, especially now.

“So I’m going to head back to Mum’s. Clear my head for a bit.”

John nodded as Veronica looked at him expectantly, her hand still on her stomach.

“Of course. I understand that you might need some time to adjust—”

“I don’t want you at the scan next week.”

He stared at her in shock, but she was avoiding his eyes, her expression hard as she moved past him.

“I need time away from you to think about everything you’ve said. Not to mention that I still need to decide whether I want you in this baby’s life or not.”

He frowned, but knew there was no point arguing over this anymore. She needed time, and maybe if he gave that to her, she could learn to see that none of this was personal. He was sorry for hurting her, of course he was. But he didn’t want to put her or the baby under any more stress either.

“I need to work out what I want to do next and I can’t do that properly here.” She sighed, folding her arms across her chest and watching him closely as he nodded again at her request. “But I…I need to know one more thing.”

He watched her curiously as she turned back to him. She bit her lip, taking a moment before she started to speak again.

“You said you always felt something for Roger, so…is it serious? Or did you two just go after each other on a whim?”

“No, it’s…”

He trailed off, trying to find the right words. What was it exactly?

It wasn’t just sex. It had never been that for him, and he didn’t feel as if it was just that for Roger either. He knew that in the way Roger was willing to work at this, in a way he’d never bothered before. He basically said that himself.

But how serious had it become between them?

He’d not let himself think about it too much. He knew it felt good when he was with Roger. He made his head spin with the lightest of touches. He made him feel alive, and when they were together, Roger made him feel like anything was possible. He forgot about everything else except for how much he enjoyed being with Roger.

But it was more than that.

Roger made him feel all the things he’d initially wanted Veronica to make him feel. He’d actually been gutted when that hadn’t happened. Nothing had come close with any of the small number of women that he’d been with before. Then he’d shared that kiss with Roger and it was like everything suddenly made sense. And then afterwards, the most innocent of touches awoke butterflies and he found himself wanting more and more, eager for an opportunity to get Roger alone.

But how did he feel about him?

He remembered all the times he’d wanted to punch something when Roger went off with women. And that was even before _they_ happened.

But they were still friends.

Roger could still make him smile by doing the silliest things, usually alongside Freddie. He still laughed at his stupid jokes, and rolled his eyes at the way he couldn’t even cook a boiled egg without burning the toast or letting the water run away. He still shared Roger’s love of cars. He liked how Roger took the time to do his make-up if Freddie was too busy.

He even liked his bad traits, more-so now than when they were just friends. He liked how messy he was, when before it had driven him crazy to come back to the dressing room after a gig and find his clothes scattered around the room.

Now, he was finding himself adding to that list daily.

He liked the way Roger would press a kiss to his forehead before they went to sleep. He liked the way Roger sighed his name when John kissed his neck. He liked that Roger was a considerate lover in the way he genuinely wanted you to feel just as good. He even liked the way Roger would talk in his sleep. He’d had full-blown conversations with him. But most of all, he liked just being with Roger, on their own. He’d always enjoyed his company, but now he loved it.

He knew that even though the band were okay with them being together, they couldn’t be as over each other as they were in private. And that was fine. John lived for those moments, because they were shared with nobody but him.

Suddenly John had his answer.

“It’s serious.” He took a long, shaky breath, forcing himself to admit what he’d probably known deep down all along. “I…I love him. I think I always have actually.”

She nodded, biting her bottom lip again to stop the tears in her eyes from falling. She sniffed, turning away from John as he stared at her back guiltily. She was shaking softly, and he automatically reached out.

“Veronica—”

“Don’t. Just…just don’t, John.”

He watched her leave, before slumping against the sofa with his head in his hands. It had been horrible, worst than he even imagined. The only good thing he could take from it all was that at least she knew now. He didn’t have to lie about being with Roger anymore. He was free to be happy, so to speak.

It was that thought that had him rushing out the front door once he’d gotten dressed.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...at least Veronica knows the truth now. I did feel sorry for her in this chapter. :( Let me know what you think! Hopefully now it's all in the open, the story will prove a little more smooth sailing for the band...yeah right haha!! We shall see lol. :)


	16. I Was Born To Love You

John hadn’t let himself think as he rushed out of his flat and into his car. He followed his heart, letting it drive him forwards.

It only took five minutes, and he practically ran up the steps in his eagerness to see him. He banged his fist against the door, his heart racing as he heard Roger swear under his breath from behind the door, before telling him to ‘wait a second’.

He could practically feel Roger looking at him through the peephole, and then a second later, the door opened.

Roger had a dressing gown on, and his hair was still damp against his neck. John took in the way it stuck up after he ran a hand through it in frustration.

 “Bloody hell Deaky, this better be important. I was just about to get dressed—”

John licked his lips, moving forwards before Roger could finish that sentence. He pressed his lips to his and kissed him like his life depended on it, a desperation in the way he pushed his body against Roger’s. Roger groaned in response as he stumbled backwards, and John kicked the front door closed with his foot, before pressing Roger against the wall of his hallway a little too roughly. Roger didn’t complain though, far from it. His arms wrapped around John’s neck, as John began to undo the tie of Roger’s dressing gown, using his hands to pull it aside. His hands brushed against Roger’s body, using his fingertips to trail a slow path from his neck, over his chest and past his stomach.

John groaned at the realisation that Roger wasn’t wearing underwear, his hand moving to stroke the length of him. Roger moaned loudly in response, his fingernails digging into the back of John’s neck as John’s pace quickened slightly. He swallowed more of Roger’s moans in a long, urgent kiss before his mouth moved lower, kissing a path down to his neck and sucking softly, enjoying the way Roger shivered in response.

“Deaky,” Roger whined, moving his hands up to tug on John’s hair.

John wanted to make Roger feel good. He wanted to make him come undone just from touching him, but Roger stopped John, a determined look in his eyes as he broke away and pulled him in the direction of his bedroom. John would have complained, but Roger’s mouth was back on his within seconds.

John took the lead as they stumbled through Roger’s bedroom doorway.

They barely made it to the bed. They all but tore at each other’s clothes until they’d managed to free themselves. John made it his mission to make it about Roger. But he didn’t make that easy. He had always been considerate, but John wanted this time to be about him.

When Roger tried to climb on top, John pushed him back against the bed. Roger’s gaze turned confused.

He smiled against his skin, sucking on a spot just below his ear. Roger’s breath quickened as John’s hand moved against him again.

“I want to fuck you. Like we did last night. That’s if…you’re not too sore—”

Roger responded by pulling John’s head back to his with a groan, and kissing him deeply.

It felt so good, even better than the night before.

The way Roger thrust his body up to meet John’s, his head thrown back and his hands clinging to his skin. Roger’s legs tightened around his hips as John’s hand sped up against the length of him, and Roger moaned at the feel of having John so deeply inside of him.

There was no better feeling than being close like this. John didn’t think he’d ever get enough.

“Deaky,” Roger said huskily. “John, I…I’m close.”

John nodded, speeding up his thrusts and enjoying the way Roger cried out as he came, fingernails digging into the skin of his back. John hissed in response, thrusting forwards a couple more times, before he came too, Roger’s name flying from his lips as Roger pressed soft kisses into his shoulder.

They laid next to each other afterwards, both of them breathless and a little giddy. Roger smiled as he turned onto his side to look at John. That had been incredible, if not a little surprising. He wouldn’t admit it to John, but he had been feeling a little sore this morning, but it had all been worth it to have John fucking him like that.

John gazed back at him adoringly as his hand brushed against Roger’s skin, and over his racing heartbeat.

“Please don’t think I’m complaining in anyway, because that was…fucking amazing.” He gasped out, making John grin in response. “But bloody hell Deaky. What was all that about?”

“I just wanted to make you feel good, I guess.”

“And you do, you _did_. You know that. Everything we do always feels incredible.”

“I know,” John said softly, raising his hand to tuck away a strand of slightly damp hair behind Roger’s ear. He avoided Roger’s questioning eyes, even though he loved how blue they appeared under the light of Roger’s bedroom.

“It can’t just be that. You were…” Roger trailed off, trying to find the right words. “I don’t know. A little desperate. As if you were trying to prove something to yourself.”

John reluctantly raised his gaze, seeing the wheels turning in his head. Roger’s eyebrows furrowed, a worried look crossing his features suddenly.

“You’re not…you’re not having second thoughts about all of this, are you?”

“No of course not!” John said quickly, the shock obvious in his voice. Roger instantly relaxed, letting a small smile grace his features.

“Okay…cool.”

John couldn’t fight the smile at the way Roger worded that, like he was trying to play his relief down, even when his smile gave him away. “Why would you think that anyway? Considering I’ve just proven that that’s the furthest thing from my mind.”

“I know, I know, I was just…being silly, I guess.” Roger said with a shrug. His face grew a little red as he cleared his throat. He was usually the confident one when it came to this. He wasn’t used to feeling so…vulnerable. “I’m still assuming that it wasn’t just because you were desperate for my body, even if it I am a hot piece of arse.”

“That was one reason obviously.”

“Obviously,” Roger smirked, not distracted by John’s agreement to that. “The other?”

“Veronica knows about us.”

“What?” Roger said in surprise, sitting up automatically. His eyes were wide as he stared at John. “But how? We’d been so careful—”

“Apparently, I wasn’t. She found the pictures from that night we first slept together.”

Roger’s face fell, and he met John’s eyes guiltily. “Oh John, I’m…I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” John asked with a frown. “We’d agreed I was going to tell her anyway.”

“Yeah, but I also know how important this baby is to you. Us being together could ruin any chance of you being a part of its life.”

“We don’t know that. You said so yourself.”

Roger snorted disbelievingly. “But I assume she wasn’t doing cartwheels at the idea of us being together either.”

John frowned at that.

“Well no, obviously not. But she might come around. If we give her time. And besides, you’re important to me too. And if being a part of this baby’s life means not only living a lie, but living without you, then I don’t want it.” Then he pulled a face. “Even if that does sound a little cheesy.”

Roger grinned in response, before he bent to press a quick kiss to his lips. “It does a bit. But you make cheesy sound adorable, Deaky. So I’ll take the compliment.”

His expression turned serious suddenly. “But…you’re sure? About us, about all of this? I know I’m being a needy little bitch, but I’m just making sure. Especially with Veronica officially knowing now.”

“ _Yes_ ,” John said with a sigh. He took Roger’s hand in his own, entwining their fingers as he talked. “I want this. I want _you_. Whatever happens, I want us to face it as a couple. I’ve been stupid, for ever thinking I could live a lie. Of course I care about Veronica, but it’s always been you Rog, I see that now. It wouldn’t have worked. Nobody has ever made me feel the way you make me feel.”

Roger was left a little speechless at that, so he moved to press his lips against John’s again, kissing him with all the want and affection he could muster. John sighed sweetly in response, resting his arms around Roger’s waist to pull him closer as he fell into Roger’s embrace easily.

He frowned as Roger pulled away, before shivering at the look Roger was giving him.

“I feel the same. Honestly. No woman compares to you, John. They just don’t.” Roger said confidently. “And I know that for sure now. It’s not like I didn’t try and move on whilst we were on tour. But I couldn’t get you out of my head. Even when I was with them, I kept thinking of you, wishing it was you even.”

John’s hand brushed Roger’s cheek softly. “Well now you don’t have to. I’m yours if you want me.”

Roger smiled, sighing softly at John’s touch. “I’ll always want you.”

“Good. Because I…I might have realised something whilst I was talking to Veronica this morning.”

John flushed a little as Roger watched him closely, his eyes curious. ”What?”

“Well she asked me outright if me and you were serious. Or if we went together on a whim.”

“Right.” Roger replied carefully, tensing again automatically. John might have been a terrible liar, but he could also be difficult to read at times. “And what did you say?”

“The truth. That I’m in love with you.”

Roger’s breath caught in his throat for a moment. “Really?”

John nodded in response.

“I told you. It’s always been you. Truth be told, I think I’ve always loved you. It just took me this long to realise it.”

He’d always hated seeing Roger with other women. He’d told himself it was jealousy over Roger getting most of the attention, and not at all because he wanted to be the only one getting the blonde drummer’s attention. Now he’d stopped lying to himself, John had never felt so certain over the way he felt about Roger.

Roger was never very good at words. So he showed him how he felt instead.

He pressed his lips back to John’s, kissing him so softly that it took John’s breath away. Only then did he pull back, his lips at John’s ear and a smile playing on his lips. “I love you too, John.”

He let John pull him back for another kiss, and Roger pushed him back against the bed as he showed John just how much he meant those words.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some light hearted fluff to make up from all of the angst from the last chapter! This one is a cute one and has been brewing for a while. Out of curiosity, I'm thinking of making the next chapter in a little of Brian's perspective. Would anyone be interested in seeing that? Let me know. On another note, I'm off to Devon on Tuesday for the day to see family. I can't wait! :D Let me know what you thought of this chapter. I love reading your comments! :)


	17. Pain Is So Close To Pleasure

It was a humid evening considering it was only the start of May.

Freddie had suggested the band have a few drinks to celebrate the end of the tour without the presence of management.

John, who’d been trying to keep his mind occupied by writing new material to stop himself wondering what would happen with the baby, was all for it.

Roger was feeling good after the tour, and happier than he’d been in a long time, and he was in the mood to celebrate.

Brian however, was less enthusiastic. Especially when Freddie suggested meeting at his. Freddie thought they could unwind easier rather than chance them being recognized in public.

Brian ran a hand over his face, telling himself to snap out of it as he watched Chrissie head through the kitchen.

He should think himself lucky. They’d married last year surrounded by friends, family and of course Roger, Freddie and John. There had always been rumours about him and the odd groupie, but she’d continued to turn a blind eye. She was beautiful. With her long brown hair and her olive green eyes. And she was kind. She’d looked after him whilst he’d been ill with hepatitis, knowing he’d hated every last second of being away from the studio whilst the band had had to start recording their third album.

“You’re not still worrying about the next album, are you?”

As soon as they’d gotten back from the tour, Brian had been thinking ahead. It would be their fifth album, and despite the band’s relative success, he often found himself concerned about the possibility that their ideas would suddenly dry up. It hadn’t happened yet of course, but Brian knew it could. Or worst, one of their petty arguments escalated until one of them quit the band for real.

“No. No, I’m not. Honestly.”

If only she knew what he was actually worrying about.

She smiled, her eyes giving away her disbelief. She headed past where he was sat on one of the stools, wrapping an arm around the back of his neck as she stood beside him.

“It’ll be fine. The band will be fine. You lot always are.”

“I wish I had your confidence.” He quipped with a small smile.

“So have it. Think positive.”

She leaned forwards, pressing her lips to his. He kissed her back softly, his heart not fully in it. Even still, her kiss grew firmer as her arm moved to wound around his waist. She pulled back, her gaze heavy.

“Have you got time before you need to head to Freddie’s?”

Hearing his name had Brian feeling sick. He pulled away from her embrace and smiled apologetically at the disappointment in her features.

“Probably not. I need to get a shower and get changed before I go.”

She frowned, looking up at him from under her eyelashes as she played with the button of his shirt.

“That will take five minutes. Ten max.” She said quietly, her hands sliding past his chest and up to his shoulders as she spoke. “I’ve missed you, Bri.”

He pulled away as her hands moved to his hair, knowing she was about to kiss him again. He swallowed heavily as his hands found hers, entwining their fingers for a moment so as not to upset her.

“I’ve missed you too. Maybe when I get back…”

“You’ll be back late though.”

“I won’t. I promise. I’ve already told them I’m not planning on staying late.”

“Okay.” She nodded, lifting her head to press a short kiss to his lips before reluctantly pulling back. Brian relaxed, then felt guilty for not being more affectionate. He’d barely touched her since he’d been back, and he’d found himself making silly excuses for not being intimate.

He tried to clear his mind in the shower. He let the hot spray of water wash away his worries, telling himself he was just tired from the tour.

He picked out a grey shirt to wear with a pair of his jeans. He remembered the conversation they’d had ages ago, when Brian had worn it after they’d all gone out once.

_Freddie had given him a long, approving look as Brian had gone over to the bar to get another drink. They were somewhere south of New York at the time. Freddie had sometimes found his choice of clothing to be a little boring so he’d found himself surprised at his next words._

_“Now why don’t you wear this shirt more often dear?” Freddie had asked as he took the time to inspect Brian fully. “It suits you. Not to mention it makes your eyes pop wonderfully.”_

_“Thanks for the fashion advice, Fred.” Brian had said with a snort._

_“I’m serious. Yes, it’s a little plain—”_

_“Oh right, thanks—”_

_“But I like it. I reckon the women would like it a whole lot more, given how tight it fits.” Freddie noted, his tone light._

_Freddie complimenting him like that wasn’t a rare thing. He did that with all of them. That was actually quite tame compared to the way he flirted with them at times. It even made him more amused when any of them played along. But this time, Brian found himself dropping his gaze, and letting his hair fall around his face, partly hiding his blush._

_“I guess I’ll take the compliment, Fred.”_

_His words must have caught Freddie’s attention, because he suddenly laughed, before elbowing Brian playfully._

_“Oh I’m only winding you up.” Freddie smiled as Brian looked back at him. “Besides, I could have said worst. I could have said it’ll have the women queuing to fuck you instead—”_

_“Yes thank you, Fred. I got the idea the first time.”_

_Freddie grinned in response. “Just making sure darling.”_

Brian scrubbed at his skin as he tried to clear his mind of the memory. He ran a hand through his wet hair before making his way downstairs.

He said goodbye to Chrissie, giving her a quick peck on the cheek and heading out the front door. The drive cleared his head, and he’d virtually managed to convince himself that this was all just a silly misunderstanding. All of this would blow over now that he had a break from the band. He had a couple of months to be at home, to be with his wife again. That was all he needed.

But then he arrived at Freddie’s early. To see that he’d invited the blonde waiter round from the party the other night. And everything he’d been feeling came bubbling back to the surface.

Freddie was all smiles as he ushered Brian into his flat. Brian’s eyes moved past him. The waiter was leaning against Freddie’s kitchen counter, a beer in his hand.

Brian hated to admit it, but he wasn’t bad looking. Not that that was a surprise. Freddie usually attracted other beautiful people.

He had blonde hair, chiselled cheeks and narrow, piercing eyes. At least he was dressed more appropriately. He was wearing a white t-shirt and jeans, his clothes still clinging to his body.

“This is Marcel from that party the other night. I thought it would be fun for us all to hang out.” Freddie explained as he grabbed his beer from the kitchen counter as he gave Marcel a long look. “Unfortunately, I was expecting him to show up in a little less clothing.”

“Well there’s always time.” Marcel smiled in response. “We could play strip poker later.”

Freddie hid his smile behind his bottle of beer, before he offered a wink. “Now you’re talking, gorgeous.”

Brian cleared his throat as the two of them shared a look. “Any chance of a beer, Fred?”

“Of course dear! I do apologize. I’m being a fucking awful host, aren’t I? I blame Marcel for distracting me.” Freddie teased as he headed over to the fridge to get Brian his beer.

Marcel snickered in response. “Like you need any help with that, Fred.”

Brian blinked in surprise. Only Freddie’s close friends and family shortened his name.

“True sweetie.”

Brian forced a smile as Freddie handed him his beer, and instantly took a big gulp. He suddenly wished he hadn’t rushed round.

He was onto his third beer by the time that Roger and John showed up nearly an hour later, a bottle of whiskey in Roger’s hand, and he realised that he should slow down. He didn’t like risking having much more than a couple when he had to drive.

“Late again boys.”

John frowned in response to Freddie’s teasing as he handed them both a bottle of beer. “Blame Roger. He was fixing his hair.”

Roger gave him a look as he lit a cigarette. “It takes time to look this good, you know.”

“Don’t we know it. A whole hour apparently.” John mumbled unappreciatively, before lifting his bottle of beer to take a sip and avoiding Roger’s less than impressed stare.

Freddie suddenly squealed as he sat next to Marcel on the sofa, and everyone turned to look at him in surprise. “Are you two having your first lovers tiff?”

“Oh please,” Roger said with a roll of his eyes. “This is nothing. You should see the way he gets if I borrow one of his shirts—”

“Yes, because you never put them back! You end up wearing one home and then I don’t see it again.”

“Is this about the denim shirt again? I told you, I put it straight in the wash after I spilt coffee on it.”

“Then I guess the washing machine has started swallowing up shirts now.”

“No, I put it in the laundry basket, not the actual washing machine. I told you that too.”

“Have you not worked out how to use a washing machine yet, dear? We thought you might have by now, given that you’ve been living on your own for the last three years.”

Roger shot Freddie a look, not appreciating the way he was teasing him.

“Of course I know how to work a washing machine, I’m not bloody stupid. It was just that there was hardly any washing, so I put it in the basket for when he had more clothes to add.”

“Which means it’ll probably be stained forever now. Thanks for that.”

“I didn’t know that, did I?” Roger said with a groan. He leaned forwards, attempting to whisper his next words in John’s ear discreetly. “Besides, I’ve already made it up to you in full if you remember—”

“Okay, how about a different, less _painful_ subject of conversation?”

Freddie laughed at Brian’s obvious uncomfortableness as he sipped on his bottle of beer. “How about we play truth or dare? Spice things up a little.”

They all groaned in response.

“Seriously Fred?” Brian asked with a shake of his head.

“Oh loosen up, Brian. At least it will stop these two from practically humping on my sofa.”

“As if that’s ever going to happen?”

“Don’t pretend you wouldn’t enjoy the view, Fred.”

John and Roger both spoke at the same time, before hiding their expressions behind their bottles of beer.

“Sure. Never going to happen.” Brian said sarcastically, rolling his eyes for added measure.

“I wouldn’t mind a game of truth or dare actually.” Marcel spoke up with a smile. “It might give us a chance to get to know each other better.”

“That’s the attitude darling.” Freddie grinned, pleased with Marcel encouraging him. He looked at the others expectantly. “What about you three?”

“Sure. I’m game.” Roger couldn’t see what harm it could do. He shrugged at the look John gave him. “What? It gives me a good excuse to snog your face off without Brian complaining, as far as I’m concerned.”

“Don’t be too sure.” Brian snorted. Then he realised if he didn’t at least pretend to play along with Freddie’s idea, he’d be in trouble. “What the hell. Count me in.”

“Excellent!” Freddie chimed, before turning to look at John.

John squirmed. He could easily say no to Freddie, but with Roger looking at him like that, it was virtually impossible. Not to mention that he knew if he did end up snogging Roger’s face off, it would help get him in the mood for when they headed back to his later.

“I guess I’m in.”

Freddie clapped his hands excitedly. “Perfect. I’ll just go and grab a coca cola bottle from the fridge. That can act as our spinner to make it fair.”

“Always thinking ahead, Fred.” Brian teased.

“Like you expect any less dear.”

Freddie headed back to sit next to Marcel. He put the bottle of coke on the coffee table perched in the middle of them and spun it.

It landed on John.

“Truth or dare, Deaky darling?”

“Truth.”

Freddie rolled his eyes, but John chose to ignore that. “Fine. So are you and Roger going to be exclusive or are you going to be like me and Marcel here? Be together, but still see other people.”

John automatically side-eyed Roger, who was conveniently looking away. He flushed in response. They’d both said those three words to each other, and had insisted that nobody compared to being with each other, but they still hadn’t the ‘exclusive’ chat outright. Truth be told, John was a little hesitant to. Despite all they’d said, he didn’t want Roger to feel as if he was tied to him. It wouldn’t have been fair, especially when he’d barely tried his hand at a stable, long-term relationship before.

“Well, I don’t really—”

“Yes to the first one. Hell no to the latter.” Roger said quickly, seeing the uncertainty flicker across John’s face. He shrugged at the way Freddie raised his eyebrows at that. He couldn’t blame him. Roger never liked to remain with the one woman for very long, and even if he did, it wasn’t long before he was off looking for the next pretty thing. This was different. He had no interest in anyone but John. “What can I say? I’m a red-blooded man. I don’t bode well with jealousy. Not to mention I’m enough to keep anyone sated.”

Roger turned to John to see him shaking his head slowly at him in. But then John had to fight away a smile when Roger gave him a deliberate wink.

“Trouble is we’ve only got your word to prove that, Rog.” Freddie called his bluff with a smirk. “Also you answered the question meant for John. Which means that you have to do a forfeit.”

“What kind of forfeit?”

“You have to kiss someone.”

“Suits me. Want me to prove that last comment was true, Fred?”

“Go on then dear. I can’t say I’ve never wondered what it is that had those women all gooey-eyed when they leave your hotel room.” Freddie grinned, sitting forwards already, before shooting John a look. “That’s if it’s alright with Deaky, of course.”

John rolled his eyes as Roger turned to look at him too. He supposed it was sweet that they both looked to him, but it didn’t matter. It was just a silly dare between friends.

“Of course it is. You don’t need to ask for my permission.”

“Come on then, Rog. You should be thanking your lucky stars at a chance to kiss me, you know.”

“More like the other way around, Fred.”

“Enough of the foreplay you two.” Marcel teased as he sipped on his beer, even though his eyes gave away his curiosity to see this.

Roger moved to sit beside Freddie when it was obvious he expected him to move. He leaned forwards and pressed his lips to his. He had to admit, Freddie was quite a good kisser. He kissed him firmly, his lips moving over his with confidence, one hand against Roger’s shoulder.

It didn’t compare to kissing John though.

It didn’t make him feel all those wonderful butterflies or make him feel all weak with desire, or even make his heart skip a beat at a simple touch.

Roger pulled back with a grin. “There. I hope you feel privileged. Not many people can say they’ve had the pleasure of kissing the one and only Roger Taylor.”

John snorted from behind him. “If only that was true.”

“Okay let me rephrase that. Not many _men_ have had the pleasure of kissing me. Just you and John actually.” Roger shrugged as he prepared to stand again. He threw John a wink as he moved back towards him. “And I know which one I prefer.”

“Behave Taylor.” John warned him lightly, rolling his eyes as Roger sat back next to him. Even still, John hid his blush behind his bottle of beer, and Roger grinned triumphantly as he wrapped an arm behind John’s back, playing discreetly with John’s hair.

“Your loss darling.”

“My gain as far as I’m concerned.” Marcel said with a smile.

“Yes, and don’t you forget about it, sweetie.” Freddie grinned in response, before leaning in and giving Marcel a quick kiss on the cheek.

Brian cleared his throat awkwardly, dropping his gaze to the table as he sat forwards. “I’ll spin the bottle then, shall I?”

“Oh stop being so touchy, Brian.” Freddie said with a roll of his eyes. “You could have invited Chrissie to keep you company, you know.”

He spun the bottle, before lifting his eyes to Freddie’s. “I would have done if I realised I was going to be the only one without a date.”

“Aww, are you feeling lonely, Bri?”

“Oh fuck off, Taylor.”

“Someone really is a little touchy this evening.”

“Well we can always have a three-way if it makes you feel any better darling.”

Roger choked on his beer at the way Freddie worded that and John rolled his eyes. Brian quickly dropped his gaze at the look on Roger’s face as he took another sip of his beer.

“I’m pretty sure he’s talking of a completely different three-way to the one you’re thinking of, Rog.”

“Even still, he could have worded it a bit bloody better.” Roger choked out quietly.

“Seriously dear, and they say I’m dirty minded.” Freddie sighed, before looking towards Brian, and noticing how embarrassed he looked. “I meant he could sit with me and Marcel, and we could pretend all three of us are on a date. I was just trying to include him, which is more than what either of you two can say.”

“I’m fairly certain Brian doesn’t mind about that.”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Brian replied to Roger with a winch.

The bottle had landed on Brian, but with everyone distracted, he hoped they wouldn’t have noticed. Unfortunately that didn’t work out.

“Anyway, Brian’s turn.” Freddie said with a pleased grin.

They decided that whoever had the last go would think of the truth or dare for the next person. As Roger was the one who did the forfeit, it was his turn to ask Brian.

“Truth or dare, Bri?”

“Truth—”

As soon as he said that, Freddie groaned in response and complained of people taking the boring option.

“Fine, fine. I’ll have a dare then, I guess.”

Roger thought for a moment before grinning in response. “I dare you to kiss Freddie.”

Brian instantly tensed at Roger’s words, using the time to sip on his beer as he thought of something to say. “That’s stupid. Surely you can think of a better one.”

“That sounds like chickening out to me.”

“Yes. Not to mention you should feel privileged at the chance of a kiss with me dear. Even if it is only a dare.”

“No,” Brian said defensively. “The last dare was you and Roger kissing. Now it’s me and you kissing. I just thought Roger would have thought of something more original.”

“Well if you refuse to do it, you’ll have to do a forfeit.”

Brian frowned at Roger’s words, not liking the sound of that. “What kind of forfeit?”

“You could…do a lap around the garden naked.”

John half-smiled at Roger’s suggestion. “Don’t be mean. He’ll give the neighbours a fright.”

Roger laughed loudly at John’s sarcastic comment and at the unimpressed look Brian gave John.

“Very funny, Deaky.”

“Well it’s either that or you kiss Freddie. Besides, you know I could have thought of something much worst for your forfeit.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll do the dare.”

“That’s the spirit, dear. Now would you like to sit on my knee or should I sit on yours?”

“Fred—”

“Oh don’t get so defensive, Bri. I’m only winding you up.” Freddie sighed, seeing the way Brian tensed at that.

Brian was surprised when Freddie made the effort to get up this time. He came and sat on the arm of Brian’s armchair and wrapped an arm around his back. He took another long sip of his beer and took the final step, leaning towards Freddie.

He’d always known Freddie was a good kisser. They’d kissed once before, back in the early days. Freddie had been getting harassed by a man after one of their gigs. So Brian moved in before he could let himself think. It helped that he’d been drunk at the time. He kissed Freddie until the man had left him alone, and Freddie was so thankful for it, he brought Brian another beer.

Brian had liked it then, and he liked it now. Only difference is that voice in his head was virtually shouting that fact.

He used the frustration he’d been feeling to steer their kiss. His lips were urgent but soft, and he welcomed Freddie’s tongue against his, digging his fingernails into his thighs to stop himself from kissing him rougher and letting his hands trail Freddie’s body.

Instead, he bit his lip hard as Freddie pulled away, stopping a whine of disappointment.

Freddie pulled back, a look crossing his features. Then he blinked, and his expression changed as he stood up to go and sit next to Marcel. “Right then darlings, who’s next?”

Brian was surprised. He expected some sarcastic comment about how Brian should feel privileged to kiss Freddie, but he’d moved on, like it was nothing.

The rest of the evening passed quickly. Roger had managed to convince Brian to have a couple more beers after John insisted he could give him a lift. He didn’t mind being the sober one at low-key nights in like these.

Brian headed outside a while later. He suddenly found himself needing some air.

Marcel had dared Freddie to kiss him and it had quickly turned into a heated embrace of wondering hands and tongues down the back of each other’s throats. To say it made Brian feel nauseated was an understatement.

The last words he heard as he let the front door shut behind him were of Roger saying “ _Fucking seriously? Either put each other down or go and fuck somewhere else, I swear to_ —”

It was still warm enough out that Brian didn’t need his jacket on. He stood by the front door, leaning on the wall and watching the traffic fly-by on the nearby main road.

“If it makes you feel any better, Roger bribed them with the bottle of whiskey he brought round to make them stop.”

Brian looked round in surprise, eyeing John as he moved to stand on the other side of the patio and lit a cigarette.

“Thank goodness for small mercies.”

“I’ll say.”

“Not that you two can talk.”

“Oh please,” John snorted as he inhaled the smoke from his cigarette. “We’re _never_ like that. For one thing, you wouldn’t let us.”

“It would be a little weird given that you’re both my friends.”

“Yeah well, it’d make no difference. We don’t get off on making other people feel uncomfortable like Marcel seems to.”

Brian’s eyes shot up to John’s in surprise. “You don’t like him?”

John’s eyebrows furrowed together as he took another drag of his cigarette. “It’s just…I don’t know. I’m not sure I like the way he looks at Freddie. Like he wants to eat him alive.” He side-eyed Brian as he said that. “And not in a good way.”

Brian snorted in response.

“Freddie seems to have shaken Prenter off a little. Which is good given the total lack of trust we all have in him. Especially around Freddie.”

Brian made a noise of agreement.

“But it feels as if Freddie might have gotten himself mixed up with someone who might not be in it for genuine reasons. Which is fine, if he just wants a bit of fun, but obviously none of us want to see him hurt either.”

“No we don’t.” Brian agreed quickly.

Freddie was more sensitive than he let on. He cared wholeheartedly and Brian didn’t want his trust to be abused. Not again. Brian felt a little sick at the thought of Freddie being hurt by some loser.

“I hope for my sake that I’m just being paranoid.”

Brian reflected John’s frown. “Me too, Deaky.”

“I know.”

Something in the way John said that, had Brian quickly scurrying to explain himself as he took another drag of his cigarette. “I just meant, obviously we all want to see Freddie happy.”

“Uh-hum,” John replied unconvincingly.

Brian found himself feeling flustered at his tone. He shot him a look. “Look, I know we all have our issues, but it doesn’t mean we don’t still care about each other.”

“Right,” John said easily, and Brian found himself relaxing again. It lasted all of a second. “Difference is, you care quite a lot more than the two of us, I imagine.”

Brian gave him a look, shock in his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean? You both love Freddie—”

“Of course we do, I’m not disputing that. But I’m not blind either.”

Brian dropped his gaze quickly, fidgeting with his hands nervously. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Sure you don’t.” John scoffed.

“If you’ve got something to say John, then please feel free—”

“Okay,” John said easily enough as he stubbed out his cigarette, looking as if he’d been waiting for a moment to say something. “Well…take it from me. I’ve always noticed Roger. How could I not? I liked him from the moment we met. It just took me years to realise how much. But deep down, I think I always secretly knew.”

Brian frowned in confusion. “I don’t see what that’s got to do with me and Freddie—”

“Don’t you? Do you remember back in the early days, when I didn’t know any of you that well? I sort of kept to myself and I was quiet during the petty arguments in the studio. It gave me time to observe you all from a distance.”

“Right. So what are you saying? That you’ve waited until now to tell me what you really think, is that it? Bit petty, isn’t it John?”

“No of course I’m not.” John said, rolling his eyes. “I’m just saying that I noticed things. You always cared more for Freddie, I could see that a mile off. If he ever got too drunk, you’d usually be the one to make sure he got home safe. That hasn’t changed all that much through the years, apart from the times when he was with Mary, of course.”

“What’s your point?” Brian said with a sigh. “It’s called being a good friend. I’d do the same for you and Roger. In fact me and Freddie did so frequently with Roger on our last tour.”

“Yes, but it’s _different_. I know you’re purposely pretending not to understand what I’m saying, Brian, because you’re—dare I say it—almost cleverer than me.”

“Fine.” Brian snapped, not wanting to talk about this anymore. Not with John. “So I care deeply about him. What does it matter?”

“It doesn’t,” John said with a shrug. “Except lately, you seem to be having more of a problem with the men who Freddie sees.”

“Says you. You said it yourself that this Marcel looks as if he wants to eat him alive—”

“And I stand by that.” John insisted as he leaned against the wall to stare back at Brian closely. He suddenly felt as if he was under inspection. “But take the other night for example. We all know Roger and Freddie enjoy a flirt. And you still tell them both to at least try and behave themselves. But you seemed more annoyed by Freddie’s flirting, more jealous actually. And if that’s starting to happen, then maybe it’s a sign that you should talk to Freddie about this—”

“No, absolutely not.” Brian said quickly, with a shake of his head. “That would only cause more trouble than it’s worth.”

“You don’t know that—”

“Except I do. I’ve learnt being honest is not always the best solution from seeing how you and Roger together.”

“So things were complicated with us in the beginning, but I’m glad Roger was honest. If he hadn’t been then I’d have constantly been wondering what if for the next however many years. Truth is, I was always too scared to tell him how I felt, because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But I know now I’d have regretted not giving us a chance. Not when I’m having what’s turning out to be the best relationship of my life.”

Brian snorted in response. “Apart from the times when you two are having a domestic of course.”

“Oh please,” John said with a huff. “That thing earlier was nothing. Besides, I’d have told him all of that before we became a thing.”

Brian exhaled sharply. “Right, fine. But this is different. We’re different. I’m married for starters.”

“True,” John said carefully. “You’re right, the situation is different. And if you’re not prepared to talk to Freddie, then maybe you need to at least go away and have a think about how you really feel. Use your time at home to be with Chrissie before we have to get back into the studio and take it from there. At least by having time away, you’ll work out whether you miss being with Freddie.”

Brian nodded in response. He couldn’t see the harm in doing that. He was about to thank John for the advice, when Roger popped his head around the doorway, curiosity in his eyes.

“You two setting the world to rights or what?”

“Yeah, but we’re about finished now.” John replied teasingly with a smirk.

“About time.” Roger complained, holding the door open for them to follow him back in.

They didn’t leave long after that. Marcel didn’t look as if he was in any hurry to leave, and John quickly made his excuses for the three of them, despite Roger’s complaining.

“We’ll all hang out again soon anyway.” John quickly said as Freddie showed them to the door.

“Definitely darling!” Freddie cooed in delight.

“Thanks for having us anyway.”

“Yeah thanks, Fred.”

“Even if these two spoilsports want to leave so early.” Roger complained again with a roll of his eyes as Freddie stood by the front door to see them off.

“Oh stop whinging, it has gone ten. And besides, I’m sure Freddie doesn’t mind us all leaving quite so early.”

Freddie grinned at John’s words, realising what he meant by that. “Yes, as lovely company as you all are, I’ve suddenly got plans for the evening, I think.”

He glanced towards Brian, who conveniently had his eyes to the floor. “Well bye then.”

“See you later.”

“Bye Fred.”

Brian swallowed heavily as he turned away from his front door, refusing to think over Freddie’s plans for the evening. It would do no good, dwelling on it all. It was best to go home and appreciate what he already had. A beautiful wife and a ready-made home. It was enough. It _had_ to be enough.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh poor Brian! :( I hope that was worth an insight into what has been going on in the background with those two. What do you think he should do? Should he talk to Freddie or just ignore his feelings? Let me know what you thought of the chapter anyway! :) Also, love how stable Roger and John's relationship is already, it's really cute I think haha.


	18. No Turning Back

John raised his hand, biting on a fingernail for the fifth time in two minutes. If Roger was here, he’d have told him off.

Unlike John, Roger didn’t get nervous that often. Even before a show, he radiated energy, more-so if he could get his hands on a couple of shots of whiskey. He always managed to hype everyone up, usually alongside Freddie. John always found it a welcoming distraction from his own pre-gig nerves.

But unfortunately, he wasn’t here. It had been Roger’s idea for John to go alone.

He didn’t think Veronica would have been pleased if John had turned up with Roger in tow, even if John wanted Roger to be a part of every aspect of his life.

But Roger was right. He’d told him to take it one step at a time.

John hadn’t been with Veronica long, but she was still bound to be upset. Especially as she was still grieving for her Dad and dealing with being pregnant.

Veronica agreeing to meet him was a step in the right direction. It gave John chance to explain.

They’d agreed to meet at a greasy-spoon on the outskirts of London. It was quiet and unassuming. The only people inside were a couple who looked to be in their late forties, and an older man who John had seen clamber out of a truck half an hour before. Being somewhere like this meant he was less likely to be recognized.

Even still, John had borrowed Roger’s beloved suede hat to push his hair back beneath it. He didn’t look as good as Roger did, but then Roger had the ability to make almost anything look pretty incredible.

Or so John thought. Not that he’d have told Roger that.

Nor would he tell him how sometimes Roger made it virtually impossible to concentrate during their gigs.

Especially when Roger insisted on going shirtless. John often stood to the edge of the drum riser or in front of it, so he usually got a full view of Roger’s body.

Not that he minded all that much.

He cleared his throat and his mind, thanking the waitress quietly as she brought him his second cup of coffee. Veronica was half an hour late, and he needed the caffeine to stop his mind whirring.

The waitress smiled, tucking her brown hair behind her ear and giving away the pinkness  of her cheeks as she headed back for the kitchen.

John paid her no mind, instead fiddling with his cup.

He started at the sound of Veronica putting her bag down. He hadn’t even noticed her head over. Her gaze was on the table, her hand against her stomach as she managed to squeeze into the chair opposite.

She only glanced up when she ordered herself a glass of water as the waitress came back with John’s coffee. He kept his gaze low until the waitress headed away again. The way she was looking at him made it obvious she recognized him, and he didn’t want to draw attention to himself. Especially since nobody besides the band and management knew that him and Veronica had been together in the first place.

He glanced up quickly enough to see Veronica raise an eyebrow at something behind him.

“Well she certainly liked you.”

He pulled Roger’s hat down further against his forehead self-consciously. “Only because she recognized me.”

“There was still no mistaking the way she was undressing you with her eyes. That must drive you mad. Then again, you are a rock and roll band. You probably enjoy all the attention.”

“It can wear thin at times.”

He sometimes wondered what it would be like to disappear from the spotlight for a while.

The waitress came back with Veronica’s glass of water. She thanked her, and the waitress headed away again.

“Anyway, how are you? Stupid question, I know.”

She looked exhausted. Not that he’d tell her that.

Her dark hair was tied back into a ponytail and the bags under her eyes were more prominent with the lack of make-up.

“I’m…fine. You?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

He was better than okay, but he didn’t want her to feel as if he was rubbing her face in it.

“Did you come on your own?”

John nodded, taking a moment to take a sip of his coffee. “We thought it would be best if it was just me.”

She nodded, raising her glass and taking a sip before she spoke.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think whilst I’ve been staying at my Mum’s.”

John stayed quiet, watching her carefully as she looked back at him.

“I was angry when I found those photos. I know we hadn’t been together long, but I felt really hurt that you’d cheated on me. And with Roger, of all people. All I could picture was the two of you on tour, laughing behind my back at how stupid I was for not realising you and him were—”

“We would never have done that.”

“I believe you. But I also realise that I shouldn’t have gotten angry, not when you were just being honest.”

“No, you had every reason to be angry.” He insisted quickly. “What I did was wrong. I should have been honest with you from the beginning.”

“Yes you should have.” She agreed easily. Her fingers stroked the edge of her glass as she talked. “But I can understand why you might have felt you couldn’t be honest,”

She sighed, pushing her hair back from her face as she spoke again.

“First my Dad died, and then I found out I was suddenly pregnant. It was all of a bit of a shock. And I can imagine that you might not have wanted to hurt me anymore than I already was.” She paused, watching him closely as she pressed a hand back to her the front of her stomach. “Am I right?”

John nodded in response.

“I didn’t like being lied to, but I can appreciate that you thought you were doing the right thing. What I worry about is that this baby would run the risk of coming second to _him_. I get that Roger is important to you, but I’ll be the one having to bring this baby up as a single mother. I’ll need your help looking after the baby, which means I want to know for certain that you’ll support me equally.”

“Of course I will. This baby is important to me too, you know.”

“So you say.”

John sighed, sitting forwards and running a hand through his hair.

“Look, I get it. I’ve hurt you and now you don’t trust that I’m going to be around to help. But I promise you that I will.”

He hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath before diving in with what he wanted to say. If she wanted proof that he’d stick around, he had that.

“After you visited me in America, my head was all over the place. I wanted to do the right thing, for you and for this baby. Hence why I even suggested marriage, so you knew how serious I was about all of this.”

“Yes well that was a stupid suggestion.”

“Roger said the same thing.”

“We agree on something then.” She scoffed.

“Anyway, I broke up with him the moment you left America.”

She looked him over in surprise. “You did?”

He nodded, and then frowned. “It was horrible. We tried to go back to being just friends, even though I think we both knew that was never going to work. Roger…he lashed out. Started sleeping around, and drinking until he virtually passed out. I hated it. I’d hated seeing him with women before, but it was worst. I told myself I was doing the right thing for everyone involved.”

She nodded, her eyes curious. “So what happened?”

John sighed, raising his cup to take a sip of his coffee. “It was ruining the band. Me and Roger were barely talking, and when we did we argued. Roger thought I was being an idiot by not letting us be together. So I coped by drinking too, and tried to pretend that I didn’t care about who he chose to sleep with.”

She frowned at that.

“Anyway, it got that bad that eventually Brian and Freddie got involved. They…already knew Roger and I were together.”

“I guess I assumed that they would. Given how close you all are.”

“I think Roger needed to confide in someone, and they happened to be there at the time. Anyway, they set us up into meeting so that we had no choice but to talk. That was how we ended up getting back together.”

“Did Freddie or Brian ever realise before you two did? That you and him felt like that for each other?”

“I don’t know really. Freddie probably did, he’s always been observant about stuff like that. Brian…no, I don’t think he knew. He tends to avoid getting involved in personal involvements like that, so I don’t think he’d have ever thought about it.”

She nodded in response. “I think that was partly why I was so angry. Because a part of me always wondered. When you told me, I even accused you of using us two meeting as a cover-up.”

“I remember.”

“Lots of things went through my head. I always knew the two of you were close. That was why I wanted me and him to get on so badly. But when I looked back…even the night we met, you looked as if it was killing you, watching him flirting with some woman he was with. Even in the back of the taxi the same night we met, you were looking at each other like…well like nobody else even existed. And then there was all the times Roger didn’t want anything to do with me.”

John swallowed thickly at her words, guilt in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Well, it’s…I’ll be okay.” She insisted quietly. “Anyway, you should know that I’ve used the time away to think through everything. Learn to see things from your side. I was wrong to accuse you of abandoning us, or insinuate that I didn’t want you around this. You have every right to be a part of this baby’s life. I was just lashing out.”

“I know. You don’t need to explain yourself.”

“I’ll still need time to get my head around the two of you.”

He nodded, finishing his coffee. “I understand.”

“I still have a few check-up’s, and a few antenatal classes to attend at the hospital. I’d like it if you came, so we could…start preparing for the birth together.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

For the first time since she’d arrived, she gave a small smile.

“How did the scan go last week anyway? Have you had anymore pains?”

She shook her head quickly at the worry in John’s eyes. “Only every now and again. I mentioned to the doctor that I’d had a few twinges but he assured me it was normal. I know I probably look as awful as I feel. I’ve been getting cramps at night, so I’ve not been getting much sleep.”

He frowned. “Is there anything you can take for it?”

“Other than having lots of hot baths, and massaging the muscles, no. But it’s fine.” Then she grabbed her bag, retrieving something from inside the zip. “Here. It’s from the scan. I got a copy for you.”

It was a small black and white picture. He couldn’t quite work out what he was looking at, at first.

“I know the picture isn’t very clear.” She said with a smile. Then she pointed out the round blob at the top of the picture. “But that’s the baby’s head. They’re his arms and they’re his feet. But the doctor reckons he’s doing well so that’s good news.”

John’s eyes widened as he looked up at her. “He?”

She shrugged as she pat her stomach softly. “It could be a _she_ for all I know. I just don’t like calling the baby an _it_. It doesn’t feel right. Not to mention he’s been kicking me like a trooper so I’ve convinced myself it’s a boy. Mum says he’s got footballers feet.”

John grinned in response, staring at the ultrasound with a flutter of excitement in his heart. It was hard to imagine that that a small black and white blob was of an actual baby, due to be born not three months down the line. And it would be his. And Veronica’s. Something they made together.

“Thank you for this,” he said softly. “I’ll treasure it.”

She nodded, sharing another smile with him. “I know you will.”

They stayed talking for another half an hour. But John felt like the air was at least cleared and that meant a lot to him. He offered to give her a lift home. Veronica was getting too big to comfortably drive herself, and her mother had driven her there, so she would have to get a taxi. John wasn’t going to let her do that.

They’d just made it to his car when she suddenly leaned against the passenger side’s door, her hand flying to her stomach and winching.

John was by her side in a second.

“Are you okay? Is it the baby?”

“Little tyke picks his moments,” she rolled her eyes. She looked up, a small smile gracing her features. “It’s fine. It was just a kick. A very firm kick.”

“That must be…strange.”

She gave him a long look. “You can feel it, if you want? I doubt it’ll be long before he kicks again. He’s been doing it a lot lately. Reckon he’s starting to get a little restless in their by himself.”

He nodded, curiosity in his eyes as she took his hand and laid it on her bump, through her top. But nothing happened for ages.

“Just…give it a minute. He doesn’t seem to like performing under pressure.”

He smiled softly in response. “Well I can understand that.”

It was as if the baby heard him. Within a second of John talking, he suddenly felt a kick against his hand. His eyes widened in response, and she grinned at his expression.

“It’s quite a feeling, isn’t it?”

“I’ll say,” he said with a smile. “How do you ever get used to that?”

“I don’t. Not really.” She said softly as he pulled his hand away. She replaced it with her own against her bump. “It makes me feel closer to him somehow. Like he’s kicking me to remind me that he’s really in there, that he’s really real. Does that makes any sense?”

He nodded, his smile widening into a grin. “It makes perfect sense.”

Roger was still at John’s flat by the time he got back. He was sat against the sofa, drinking a cup of coffee as he watched television. His hair was still slightly damp from the shower, and he was shirtless. John licked his lips automatically, watching as Roger’s eyes widened as he watched John head into the living room.

“Hi.” Roger said quietly.

“Hi. You alright?”

 “Fine. You?”

“Fine.”

Roger ran a hand through his hair. “Well come on then. How did it go?”

“Alright.”

He fought a smile at the look on Roger’s face as he set his door keys on the table. He was being purposefully evasive, he knew that.

“How was Veronica and the baby?”

“Both doing okay, I think. She had the scan last week.”

“Good, good.” Roger nodded as he sipped on his coffee. “And how was she about…everything?”

“Reasonable,” John said with a shrug as he sat down next to Roger on the sofa. “She said she wants me involved in all of the prenatal stuff.”

“That’s good.”

“It’s a start,” John agreed tightly. “She said she still needs time to…get her head around us.”

“I guess that’s understandable.”

John nodded in agreement, before reaching for something from his coat pocket, which he’d laid our next to him.

“She gave me a copy of the scan.”

He handed it to Roger, watching him stare at the picture, looking as confused as John had probably looked. John sat closer, his smile widening as he did as Veronica had and pointed out the baby’s head, hands and feet.

Roger didn’t respond for a while.

He stared down at it, wonder in his eyes, until he eventually smiled.

“I guess this makes it official.”

“I guess it does.”

“It’s weird to think that little blob on a bit of paper is an actual baby, don’t you think?”

“I know what you mean. Doesn’t seem real.” John said with a smile.

Roger shook his head slowly in response, his eyes still on the ultrasound. It took him another couple of minutes until he passed it back to John, his smile slipping a little. “I guess congratulations are in order. Pretty soon you’re going to be an actual father.”

John put aside the ultrasound, his smile falling too. He hadn’t dared think of it like that.

“I guess I am.”

Roger nodded, reaching for his packet of cigarettes on the table and taking one out. He waited until it was in his mouth and lit, until he spoke again.

“Are you nervous?”

John gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Yes and no. It still hasn’t sunk in, I don’t think.”

“Well if anyone can handle fatherhood, it’s you Deaky.”

He spoke with all of the confidence that John didn’t have.

Roger knew he was right. John might have been the youngest, but he was usually the most sensible. He had the kind of self-control that Roger wished he himself had at times.

“You don’t believe me?”

Roger was watching him carefully, his gaze soft as he took a drag of his cigarette.

“It’s more that I don’t believe myself.”

“What do you mean?”

Roger’s gaze turned serious, worry in his eyes as John reached across to take one of Roger’s cigarettes.

John barely remembered his Dad. Virtually his whole childhood had faded from memory the moment John had laid eyes on his father’s body in the morgue.

“I just…I worry that’s all.”

“About what?” Roger enquired quietly, a frown etching itself onto his features as he watched John light up his cigarette. He took a long drag, taking his time to reply, and conveniently avoided Roger’s eyes. Roger’s frown deepened as he moved closer a little. “John. You know you can talk to me, don’t you? About anything.”

John nodded, still avoiding his eyes. He bit his lip, before taking another drag and finally speaking.

“Do you remember that night shortly after I joined, when me and you talked about family?”

Roger nodded when John met his eyes uncertainly.

It had been back in the early days. John had been quiet and the band hadn’t had much of a chance to connect with him. When it became obvious John didn’t have enough money for rent, Roger insisted he moved in with him. He took John under his wing, dragging him on nights out, attempting to set him up with women, and teaching him to drink until both of them virtually passed out. They’d come home late one night, and John had drunkenly confided in Roger about his father, after Roger began asking questions about family over a couple of portions of chips and a bottle of Roger’s whiskey.

“What if I…what if it turns out that I’m a rubbish father?” John asked, stumbling over his words in his sudden haste to get them out. “I’ve got virtually no memories of my Dad, not since…he died. Who’s to say that I won’t turn out to be useless, and both Veronica and this baby end up hating me for it—”

“John, John, stop it right now.” Roger interrupted quickly, stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray and turning to face John more. “This is just the nerves talking. It’s like I said, if anyone can handle this, it’s you, Deaky. You’ll be a brilliant Dad, I just know you will.”

“Except you don’t actually know that, do you?”

“So maybe I don’t, but I definitely know one thing.” Roger said confidently. “That you’ll try your hardest to be the best Dad you can be. That you’ll be there for this baby and for Veronica as much as you possibly can, and that whatever happens, you’ll fight tooth and nail to be a part of this baby’s life if you have to. That’s not the actions of a rubbish father, is it?”

John frowned in response. “I suppose not.”

His feeble agreement would have to do for now.

“I’m sure Veronica wouldn’t let you be a part of this baby’s life if she didn’t think all of these things too.” Roger insisted confidently, watching John nod as he put out his cigarette. “Besides, you know I’ll be there to make sure you don’t fuck things up, right?”

John turned, giving Roger a sceptic look. “You?”

“Why is that so surprising? I can be responsible sometimes, you know.”

“Name a time that’s proven true.”

“There was that time when…” Roger trailed off, a frown on his face. “Well anyway, I’m usually more sensible than Freddie. And besides, who else is going to play the fun Uncle as good as me? Especially with you as a Dad. No offence Deaky, but this child needs one of us to lead him or her astray.”

John smiled for a moment at Roger’s words, at the way Roger was already including himself in this baby’s life. It was everything John wanted and more. But then he realised the chances of Veronica letting John include Roger were slim, and his smile dropped as quickly as it had appeared.

“Oh err anyway, that reminds me. I forgot to say.” Roger said, quickly changing the subject at John’s expression. Maybe Roger had gotten a little carried away, but he couldn’t help it. He cared about John, and John cared about this baby, so of course Roger found himself caring about it too.

“Freddie rang earlier. Said management had agreed that the next single to be released should be _You’re My Best Friend_.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Freddie wanted to tell you himself. Thought you’d be pleased.”

“I am. I’m just…a little surprised, I guess.”

“They’re putting _39_ as B-side, so Brian will be happy.” Roger said with a huff.

John grinned in response. “He’ll be ecstatic.”

“Which means we’re unlikely to hear the end of it.” Roger snorted as he sipped on his coffee.

“True,” John laughed. “Then again, you can’t talk. You were the same when you got your way with _I’m in Love with my Car_.”

“Yeah well, I worked hard to not only get it on the album, but on the B-side to _Bo-Rhap_ too.”

John rolled his eyes in response. “You locked yourself in a cupboard until you got your way.”

“Exactly. I worked hard.”

John huffed in response, but his eyes gave away his smile.

“Anyway, I’m pleased for you. Even if I’ve never been that song’s biggest fan.”

“A point you’ve made clear on a number of times, Rog.”

“Can you blame me? I still say that line isn’t very rock and roll.”

John knew which one he meant instantly. _I’m happy at_ home. When he’d shared the song to the rest of the band, it had been the first thing Roger said. John had responded by stating that he hadn’t written it for the intention of being _rock and roll_. It had been a song about friendship and love, and ironically, John had written it with Roger in mind, after they’d gone out for too many beers.

“I’m just being honest, Deaky.” Roger added with a smile.

“Fair enough. Even if it is a little ironic.”

Roger frowned in response as he lifted his cup to take a sip of coffee again. “How so?”

“Because I wrote it with you in mind.”

Roger choked on his coffee. He put down his cup and cleared his throat until there was no more tears in his eyes. Then he spluttered out a sentence. “Are you…taking the…piss?”

Roger was sure John was winding him up.

It was a love song. That was obvious by the lyrics. Roger had taken one look at them, and complained that it was too soft to be taken seriously. They were supposed to be a rock and roll band, and Roger had been more than happy to point out that he didn’t believe it fitted with their image. Given that John had never mentioned this before, he was sure he was only saying it to pull Roger’s leg.

Roger watched him closely. He smiled in response, even when John’s face remained neutral.

“You nearly had me there, Deaky—”

“I’m being serious actually.”

Roger huffed his disbelief and John gave him a look.

“Why do you not believe that? Especially with everything that’s happened between us.”

“I don’t know,” Roger shrugged defensively. “It’s just a bit…soppy. I’ve said that from the beginning.”

“Well you three have always told me I’m the romantic of the group.”

“Yes and that’s exactly my point. Not to mention it was written before you and I started.”

“I didn’t say I wrote it for you. I said I wrote it with you in mind.” John corrected quickly. “It hadn’t actually meant to come out that…as you say, sappy. I’d written it after we’d gone out one night.”

Roger had pulled on that night out, but on noticing that John hadn’t, he’d dropped his date like a hotcake, insisting the two of them got a takeaway to take back to theirs and continued drowning their sorrows. That night had meant a lot. He knew Roger could have left John to find his own way home for a chance of sex, but he had chosen friendship over it instead. John had gotten into bed that night, feeling a sort of contentment that he hadn’t really felt before.

“It was that night you turned that brunette down actually. Do you remember?”

“Oh yeah of course,” Roger smiled. “You and I were so drunk that night.”

“We were,” John smiled. “And she was gorgeous. All doe-eyed and tall, brunette and slim. And the minute you realised I was going home alone, you made an excuse and headed back with me. That in itself is unusual for you, Rog.”

“Please, I’m not that bad.”

John gave him a look, and Roger shrugged in response, a smile playing at his lips in response. They both knew that wasn’t true.

“I guess I should say thank you then. For writing such a sappy song for me.”

John rolled his eyes in response. “How many times? It was only written with—”

“Me in mind, I know. I’m winding you up, Deaky.”

“Even if you do hate it.”

“I didn’t say I hated it.” Roger sighed. “I just don’t think it’s up there with you know…something like _I’m in Love with my Car_ for example.”

John laughed at that. “Obviously that goes without saying.”

“Obviously,” Roger snorted. Then he grinned. “Seriously though, Deaky? _You’re my sunshine_. Didn’t know you thought so highly of me.”

“Not every bloody lyric was inspired by you, you arrogant git.” John said sourly.

“Even still,” Roger said, moving closer to John with a smile. “You might as well admit what the two of us already know. That I’m clearly the sunshine of your life, Deaky.”

John shot him a look as Roger attempted to flutter his eyelashes at him.

“You’re such a dick, you know that.”

“Yeah, but you love _my_ dick.” Roger replied flirty, throwing in a wink to prove his point.

“I wish I never told you now, you know that?”

“Oh come on, don’t be like that. You know I’m only pulling your leg.” Roger said quickly, pressing a hand to John’s leg to try and stop him moving away. “I’m flattered. Honestly John, I am. That song isn’t my cup of tea, but it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the sincerity of your lyrics. I don’t think I could ever write something so…beautiful.”

Roger huffed at his own words, his hand automatically moving a little higher against John’s leg. “Best I could probably come up with is a song about how much I enjoy fucking you—”

“Charming as always, Rog.”

“As you say, you’re the romantic, Deaky.”

John murmured an agreement.

“Besides, who knows? There’s still time to change your mind today. Then the joke would be on me.”

John frowned in genuine confusion. “Am I supposed to understand that sentence?”

“You saw Veronica. The two of you sat down and talked, properly this time. Which is great news, of course it is.” Roger said, despite moving his hand away from John’s leg suddenly. John’s frown deepened in response. “I just thought maybe…now would be a good time to see where your head is at.”

“Meaning?”

Roger sighed in response.

“I’m trying to ask you if you feel differently this morning? You said it yourself. Looking at the ultrasound made it more official.” Roger paused, running a hand through his hair and dropping his gaze to the floor. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I understand if all of that stuff you said when we were in bed, about how nobody else compared, and all of…I understand if it was all said in the heat of the moment. Especially as we’d just had incredible sex—well for me, it was—anyway, my point is that I wouldn’t hold a grudge if that changed. You could still be a family with her—”

“Seriously Rog?” John groaned. “I don’t understand how somebody like you, somebody so bloody smart, can be this fucking stupid.”

That shut him up.

Roger opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, before giving John a look. “Well that’s just fucking mean—”

“And in this case, true. How am I supposed to get it into that brain of yours that I’m certain that this is where I’m meant to be? I love you, you bloody idiot. Not her, _you_. I want this baby, but it doesn’t mean that I want to be with you any less. As far as I’m concerned, you’re as important to me, as this baby will be.”

Roger shrugged self-consciously, still avoiding John’s gaze as he spoke. “I get all of that, I do. It’s just…all of this is a big deal, isn’t it? You’ll both still be tied together.”

He looked up eyes wide as he quickly spoke. “Which is fine. I’m not bothered about the two of you being tied together through this baby. It’s just that you two are going to experience this birth together. And there might be this temptation to try at being a proper family.”

“Look, don’t get me wrong. Looking at that ultrasound was amazing. But you were always right about it being wrong for me and her to remain together simply for this baby. I’ve never been in love with her, like I am with you. So for me, there’ll never be that temptation. So none of this changes anything, not for me at least.” John hesitated for a moment, his eyes on Roger’s face. “Unless this is your way of telling me that you’re having second thoughts about all of this? About me and you?”

“No of course not, Deaky!”

Roger sat forwards, automatically reaching out to touch John, eyes sincere.

“Are you sure? Because I would understand if you’re getting cold feet. Or you know, you might be worried about your image in the band—”

“Don’t be silly, Deaks.” Roger said quickly, softly. “I couldn’t give a shit about any of that. I understand that we might have to be careful, at least at first. But I don’t want anyone else either. Besides, I’ve already said. I tried to get over you, and it didn’t work. I fucked other women, and it was fine, but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t _you_. I used to get so drunk so that I’d barely remember what I was doing, and when I did, I used to close my eyes and pretend it was you.”

Roger dropped his gaze, a light blush covering his cheeks. “Pathetic, I know. But it seemed like you’d made your decision and there was nothing I could say to change that.”

“It’s not pathetic, Rog.” John disagreed, entwining their hands softly. The slightest touch still made his heart stutter.

“I only went with all those women to try and make you jealous anyway.”

“I know. You succeeded.”

Roger looked back up, offering a small smile of apology. “Well now I don’t need to. Luckily, you saw sense. Realised how boring your life would be without my sexy arse by your side.”

“Sure Rog, that’s totally what happened.” John huffed, even though he smiled a little too.

“So we’re in agreement? At giving this a proper go, at being together? No other partners, no one night stands? Just you and me?”

John’s eyes were warm as he gazed back at Roger, squeezing his hand lightly in what he hoped was assurance as he nodded in agreement. “Just you and me.”

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed all the lovely fluffiness! I really enjoyed writing that chapter actually, even though it was kind of a filler update. Let me know what you all thought of it and I shall try and update again by the weekend! :D


	19. You Take My Breath Away

By the time July came around, the band were focusing on their next album. They’d spent the time going over possible songs to use, and recording demos to show management to prove they’d used the last month wisely. Once all the demos were ready, they could then discuss which ones should be on the album. Then they could start on the actual recording.

John was finishing up his bassline for _The Millionaire Waltz_ , one of Freddie’s compositions. They’d been on this one for a while but that was no surprise. Freddie was nothing if not a perfectionist.

Freddie met John’s gaze, giving a thumbs up from behind the booth to show that he was happy with the last take. John sighed in relief as Freddie’s voice suddenly filtered through the studio.

“Cracked it. Only took three fucking hours, Deaky.”

“Closer to an hour actually.”

“I know. I’m only teasing you, darling.” Freddie smiled at him through the glass. “It was perfect. Think that’s a wrap for today.”

John set aside his guitar, and headed for the booth to see what everyone had to say.

Freddie and Brian were sat over the mixer, and Roger was on the sofa, a cigarette in his mouth. It was just them finishing up. They’d sent the sound engineers home half an hour before.

“Productive day, I think.”

Freddie nodded in agreement with Brian. “I’ll give the demos to Reid first thing. See what he makes of them.”

“Did you nail the guitar for _Drowse_?”

Roger nodded as John looked at him, a small smirk playing at his lips. “Silly question. Your bassline was good, by the way.”

John smiled a little in response, feeling himself flush at Roger’s compliment as he sat next to him. “Thanks.”

Brian rolled his eyes in response. “When you two are finished admiring each other, perhaps we could talk through the album again?”

John was about to bite back a comment, but Roger beat him to it. He ended up practically reading his mind. Except John would have made the dig with a little more subtlety.

“You’re only jealous, May. We all know you’d be wearing a different attitude if it was Freddie telling you how wonderful you are.”

For a moment, it was quiet. With Freddie giving Brian a knowing look in the corner of his eyes. Then anger flashed in Brian’s eyes as he sat forwards.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Rog?”

“I don’t think you need me to spell it out for you, Brian—”

“Maybe we should change the subject—”

“Children please, let’s not spoil today, shall we?”

They all spoke at the same time, and John avoided Brian’s accusing gaze as both John and Freddie tried to diffuse the situation. Technically, Brian hadn’t specified for John not to tell Roger about any feelings Brian might have had for Freddie. Nevertheless, Roger’s comment made it obvious that he knew, and John got the impression that Brian wasn’t pleased if the look he was getting was anything to go by. He’d only told him because Brian had been acting a little distant as of late, and he knew it wouldn’t take Roger long to pick up on it. That, and he didn’t like lying to Roger, especially not over band business.

They all went quiet as the booth door suddenly opened, and in walked Reid. He looked a little tense, and they all stared at him expectantly.

“Your ears must have been burning.” Freddie teased.

Reid barely acknowledged that, his gaze lingering on John.

“I was just about to leave the office when I got a phone call from the hospital. About Veronica.”

John automatically sat forwards. “What? Is she alright?”

“She’s in labour, apparently. Nurse said they’ve been trying to get hold of you on your landline.”

“Shit,” John cursed, stumbling up from the sofa. He’d forgotten to give the hospital the number for the studio. “When was this?”

“About an hour ago.”

John looked towards Roger, to see he looked just as surprised. He swallowed heavily. “I guess I’d better head for the hospital then.”

“I’ll drive.”

Roger was up in an instant, car keys in hand, and John felt a smidge of relief. He felt a little shaky. And he knew he’d feel better with Roger by his side.

“Right. Well ring us when there’s news.” Brian said, quickly standing up to see the two of them out.

“Yeah, or if any of you need anything.” Freddie added. Then he noticed the look on John’s face. He gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “Don’t look so nervous, Deaky dear. It will all be fine, Veronica and the baby will be fine.”

It was as if Freddie could virtually read his mind. John forced a nod in response. “Thanks Fred.”

“She’s at Royal London hospital.” Reid told John as he headed for the door.

John nodded shortly as he left the room, Roger not far behind.

They were both quiet on the way to the hospital. They took Roger’s car so that John didn’t have to drive. Roger was speeding a little, but John found himself glad. He just wanted to get there.

“Do you want me to pull up outside so you can run in?”

John shook his head, his face a little pale.

Roger managed to find a space relatively near the entrance, turning off the engine and moving to looking at John. He was staring ahead, skin white, eyes wide.

“You nervous by any chance?”

“A little.”

“Freddie’s right. It’ll all be alright. Whatever happens, we’ll face it together.”

John nodded once in agreement.

“But right now, Veronica needs you in there. She’s bound to be bloody nervous too. Given she’s the one giving birth to this baby.”

 “True.” John smiled a little at Roger’s words. Then he took a deep breath. “Right. I’m ready.”

They headed inside together, and John asked the lady at reception where the maternity unit was. They followed her directions, ignoring the look she was giving them.

Roger hesitated when they got there, and John stared at him in confusion.

“I’d better wait in there for the time being.” Roger said, nodding towards the waiting room.

John frowned in response. He wanted Roger with him, but he knew it wasn’t his place to give that permission. Veronica was in labour, and at the moment, that needed to take priority.

“Thank you. For dropping me off.” John said softly, pressing a hand to his arm, a soft look in his eyes. “I’ll let you know what’s going on as soon as I can.”

“I know you will. Go and be with Veronica. I’ll just…be in there.”

John nodded, giving Roger’s arm a gentle squeeze before reluctantly moving away. Roger watched him turn away, before he headed for the waiting room. If he was being honest, he was almost glad he was out of the way. Not only were they getting looks of recognition from the nurses, but he could imagine the tension in that little room too. He’d have only been in the way.

Veronica drew a long breath of relief at the sight of John walking through the door. She’d been in labour ten hours already.

She knew she probably looked a mess. She felt a little delirious actually.

They hadn’t deemed it safe for her to take any medication, so she’d had to make do with gas and air.

Her face was flushed red with sweat, her hair stuck to her clammy forehead. Every time the nurse requested her to push, her face contorted with pain. John had been by her side the second he’d walked in, and her hand had automatically grabbed for his. She’d held his hand tight, squeezing firmly every time she had a contraction. She needed something to focus on, and if almost breaking John’s hand was it, he’d take it without complaint.

“That’s it sweetheart, you’re so close.” The nurse encouraged sweetly from the bottom of the bed, her hands on both of Veronica’s legs as she knelt her head to see how far along Veronica was. Veronica moaned tiredly in response, weakly grabbing for the mask once more. “I can see the head now. Just a few more pushes.”

“I ca…can’t!” Veronica sobbed quietly, her head bowed in exhaustion.

“Yes you can,” John insisted firmly, pushing the hair back from her face softly. “You’re nearly there Ronnie, you heard the nurse. Just a few pushes more, you can do that.”

“I can’t—”

“Yes you _can_ , I know you can. Come on you can do this.”

She grit her teeth, forcing a small nod, and letting the wave of another contraction take over her body as she once again pushed.

And then, it seemed as quickly as that, the baby was born.

Veronica groaned, her body falling back against the bed in exhaustion as the nurses wrapped the baby in a blanket. It was covered in blood, and white fluid and John relaxed the moment he heard the babies first shrill cry. It echoed in the room as the nurses did a few routine checks on the baby.

Once they’d done that, they headed back over to Veronica and John with a smile.

“Congratulations Mum and Dad,” one of the nurses smiled. “It’s a girl.”

John couldn’t believe his ears. “A girl? Are you sure?”

The nurse gave a small laugh. “Yes, pretty sure. Right then. Mummy gets first hold after all of her hard work. Just make sure you support her head.”

Veronica nodded, her expression soft, as the nurse placed the baby carefully in her arms. Veronica wore the same expression John imagined he had. One of pure love. John had never felt anything like it, especially when her little dark eyes looked up at him. She already had little tufts of blonde hair, the kind John ached to reach out and touch to see if they were as soft as he imagined them to look.

“She’s…she’s so beautiful, Ronnie.”

Veronica smiled a little, her eyes still on the little bundle in her arms. “She is.”

He wasn’t sure how much time was spent like that, with the two of them gazing at the baby, but eventually, Veronica turned to John with a smile and a question in her eyes.

“Did you want to hold her?”

“Oh, I’m…I’m not sure.”

He knew he’d have to get used to it. He was her father after all. But he’d never even held a baby before. He felt a fear of hurting her or god forbid, dropping her. She was just so small.

“It’s nothing to be scared of.” She insisted, sensing his hesitancy. “Just make sure you support her head as the nurse said and you’ll be fine.”

John nodded, moving forwards in his chair besides the bed. “Right.”

Veronica placed her in his arms carefully, and John remembered to support her head as Veronica suggested. She really was beautiful. And she was theirs. She had wrinkly little skin and pouty lips. Her eyes kept flickering closed every so often, and she kept sucking on her bottom lip.

“Is Roger here?”

John almost didn’t hear Veronica’s question, she’d asked so quietly.

“He’s in the waiting room.”

“You can bring him in if you like.”

He was so shocked that he looked up. Veronica was staring at him, a smile on her face. “I’m serious. Seems only fair he gets to meet this baby too.”

Now John was confused.

He frowned in response. “But I didn’t think you wanted him involved.”

“I never said that. Besides, I’ve had three months to get my head around everything.”

“And?”

“And,” she said, her eyes flickering back to the baby in his arms. “I want to do all of this properly. I want you to be in the baby’s life as much as possible. You’re her father, and though we might not be together, I’d still like it if we could all get along. Try at being a proper family, you know? For her sake. And as Roger is your partner, he’s going to be a part of all of this too. Which means he should be involved from the start, get her used to it. That’s if you want that.”

John nodded instantly. “Yeah of course we do. But you don’t have to do this if you’re just saying it for our sakes—”

“I’m not,” she insisted quickly. “I’m saying it for everyone’s. I know you and Roger are only in your infancy, but I also realise that what you have could grow into something special. Who am I to stop your own daughter being a part of that?”

He smiled softly in response, truly touched at her thoughtfulness. “Thank you. That means a lot. Truly, it does.”

“I know. And I know it’ll mean a lot to Roger too. I know he’s been trying to keep his distance to keep the peace, but now he doesn’t need to feel as if he has to.”

She was right. John had attended all the prenatal stuff, and Roger had kept away. Even on the times where he picked John up after a class—if Veronica had a lift back with her parents—he’d remained in the car. It had been Roger’s idea to keep it like that, out of respect for Veronica, and John appreciated that. It didn’t mean to say it didn’t hurt any less to have him on the side-lines.

John headed off to go and grab Roger a few minutes later, once the nurse insisted that baby needed its first feed, and a change of clothes. He found Roger in the corner of the waiting room, reading a copy of _Cosmopolitan_ , and looking more than a little bored. He all but flung the magazine back on the pile as soon as he saw John, who bit his lip to stop a smile from breaking out.

“I didn’t realise you were into Cosmopolitan, Rog. I would have brought you the latest copy to stop you getting bored.”

Roger looked less than impressed at John’s tone. “It was either that or _Woman’s Weekly_. It seemed they were fresh out of car magazines.”

“Funny that. Considering it’s a maternity ward.”

“That’s what I thought. Anyway, never mind all that.” Roger insisted with a wave of his hand as John came to sit beside him. “Is Veronica okay? Has she had the baby?”

“She has indeed.”

Roger drew a sharp breath, looking far from impressed at John’s casualness. “Well? Boy or girl?”

John couldn’t stop the grin from breaking out as he said it. “Girl.”

Roger’s face erupted into joy. He grinned as he stood up, running a hand through his hair. “John that’s…it’s bloody brilliant. I’m so pleased for you, for both of you. Honestly I am.”

He stepped forwards, pulling John up and into a hug. John’s mouth brushed against Roger’s neck as he breathed in Roger’s distinct scent. He needed that more than he’d realised. It never failed to calm him.

He frowned a little as Roger pulled away, his hands still against John’s arms, and a smile on his face. “Well if this isn’t cause for celebration, I don’t know what is.”

“Yes, speaking of. Did you want to come and meet her? My daughter, I mean? Fuck, that’s going to take some getting used to.”

“Well…” Roger hesitated, surprise in his eyes. “Wouldn’t Veronica mind? Given that she’s not technically mine.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“No of course it doesn’t,” Roger said quickly. “And of course I want to be involved, Deaky. This baby is still a part of you, and I’d love to be in her life, like the two of you. But if Veronica doesn’t want me involved, then I guess we’ll just have to accept that. For now, at least.”

“It was actually her idea for me to come and get you.”

Roger paused, confusion in his eyes as he stared at John. “Wait, what? Really?”

“Really. She wants you to be involved, Rog. She said so herself.”

“What just like that? Not that I don’t appreciate her saying that. It just seems…”

“Too good to be true?”

“Well yeah,” Roger said with a suspicious frown.

“Come and ask her if you don’t believe me.” John insisted, still smiling.

By the time they headed back into the room, the baby had been changed into a romper and she slept peacefully in Veronica’s arms.

Veronica smiled as they both entered the room, her eyes lingering on Roger.

“Hello Roger.”

“Hello,” Roger said quietly, his eyes on the little bundle in her arms. He smiled again, his eyes bright. “Are you sure this baby’s really yours, Deaky? She looks far too dainty.”

“Clearly, she inherited my delicacy instead.” Veronica chimed in with a smile.

“Thank goodness for that.” Roger met her eyes, his gaze warm. “She really is beautiful, Veronica. And I’m truly not just saying that. I usually find babies ugly, don’t I Deaks?”

Jon rolled his eyes at the way Roger elbowed him softly in the ribs, but forced a nod. “It’s true. He even told one of our fans that he thought her baby was ugly at a meet and greet.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that.” Roger laughed as he sat beside John. “Needless to say, she weren’t very happy.”

Veronica snorted in response, humour in her eyes as she looked them both over. “Can’t imagine why.”

“But this one…” Roger trailed off, his gaze sincere. “She’s lovely. Really. I can’t believe she’s part-John.”

John gave him a look, not appreciating Roger’s teasing, even if it was probably more to make everyone feel comfortable. “You realise I’m literally sat next to you, right?”

“I’ll take the compliment.” Veronica smiled softly at him. “Did you want to hold her?”

Roger’s smile dropped, shock in his eyes. “Wait, what?”

Veronica might have laughed if she wasn’t worried about waking the baby. “It’s fine. She should sleep for a bit now that she’s had a feed, so she’ll be still.”

He gave a look at John, who merely smiled in encouragement. Roger forced a small nod. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. He just didn’t want to hurt her. He had bulky hands, which were bigger than the size of her small head.

John struggled not to laugh at Roger’s expression. He was looking at the baby as if it was a bomb that might go off at any second.

Veronica moved to pass the baby over, but Roger hesitated, voicing his fear.

“I…I won’t hurt her, will I? She’s so small.”

“No you won’t.” Veronica said seriously. “Just remember to support her head, as she’s too small to do that herself yet.”

He nodded again, eyebrows furrowing in concentration as she passed her over. Roger had never held a baby either. Him and John both had sisters, who were only younger by a few years.

John smiled at the way Roger was staring at the baby. It was an expression of part-wonder, and part-concentration. Then Roger finally smiled as he brushed his hand against her little cheek.

“She really is gorgeous, Veronica. She’s got the tiniest hands too.”

“Well she is a baby. Come on Roger, John said himself that you studied biology. You should know how this works.”

Roger shot Veronica a look. “Very funny. Need I remind you I’ve done nothing but compliment your baby. And that’s the thanks I get out of it. Mockery. You both just wait until she gets older. You’ll stick up for me, won’t you?”

He stared down at the baby softly, his hand brushing against her little tufts of hair. He grinned as she yawned openly.

“See? That’s her way of agreeing with me, I just know it is.”

“Sure, Rog.” John smiled.

He liked the way Roger was with her. You’d never guessed he hadn’t been around children. John found himself excited, for the future, for his daughter’s, and for his and Roger’s. That’s how strongly John felt about him.

“She seems to like you.” Veronica smiled.

“Of course she does. She already recognises her Uncle Roger. The one who’s going to lead her astray with mischief and mayhem.”

“God forbid.” John rolled his eyes.

“Is that what you’d like her to recognise you as? Her uncle?” Veronica asked seriously.

Roger looked up and gave a shrug in response. “Yeah, probably. It makes sense. John’s her Dad, you’re her Mum. But I’d like her to feel she could come to me, should she need any advice or feel like she couldn’t come to either of you for any reason. I know I wouldn’t be her proper uncle, but then neither would Fred and Brian, and I reckon they’d want her to see them as her uncle’s too.”

“Probably.” Veronica agreed lightly. “But of course you’ll be more involved, given your relationship with John.”

“Only if that’s okay with you.”

“More than,” she smiled. “But you’re probably right. _Uncle Roger_ has a nice ring to it, I think. And it saves complicating things more than they need to be.”

“Exactly.”

“I know this isn’t going to be the most conventional of scenarios. But I think her getting used to you both from birth is the right thing.” Veronica said, giving both Roger and John a look. “That way, she won’t know any different. You’ll be a natural part of her life, like me, and like John.”

“Yeah that sounds best.” John agreed.

“I was thinking whilst you were both here, we could all start suggesting names too.”

Roger smiled a little, liking the way she included all of them. The baby had only just been born, but he already felt a kind of protective stance that he’d never felt before. It was obvious that all three of them cared so much already.

“Yeah okay. What about each of our parents names? Could we take some inspiration there?” John asked, looking down at the baby nestled in Roger’s arms, eyes still closed.

“Well my parents are originally from Poland, so my mother’s name is Magdalena.”

“I like that. It’s different.” Roger said, but Veronica pulled a face.

“I’d like something a little more…traditionally English, I think. Plus everyone used to shorten Mum’s name to Maggie and I know how much she hated that.” Then she snorted, a look in her eyes as she tore her gaze from the baby. “Not that it matters. I can’t imagine my mother being too pleased if we chose to name the baby after her. Given her lack of willingness to be involved in something so _impious_. Her words.”

“She really said that?” John said with a frown.

“Yes, but I’m not that surprised at her reaction. My parents are devout Catholics.” She looked at John as she spoke. “I already told you that she has some deeply rooted opinions about children after marriage, and homosexuality, and all of that. It’s something her parents believed to be sinful and so it was a view that was passed down to her.”

“So then why are you so calm about all of this? About me and John being together?” Roger asked in genuine confusion.

She hesitated for a moment, staring down at her hands as she shrugged. “I don’t know really. Maybe because I don’t want to pass those views down to my children. I’ve never had a problem with men being with men, or women with women, but then I’ve always believed that love is love and that’s all that matters. Now that my own daughter is in the world, I think it’s only right that we all get along. Otherwise the only person we’re punishing is her. Of course my religion is important too, and I regret that she wasn’t born into a marriage, but in the end, does it really matter? It would have been crueller to marry and pretend to be happy.”

 “Well that’s still a very mature way to look at it. And we both appreciate that. Especially with your mother not taking that viewpoint.”

“It’s sad though, isn’t it?” Roger frowned. “John mentioned that you were always close to your parents and now that your father’s died, you’d think she’d want to at least try and accept things for the way they are. She’s got a new granddaughter, and she still has a daughter.”

“Of course. But sometimes people can’t see things so black and white. When I first told her that I was pregnant, she assumed that me and John would marry. When I told her that we both had no intention of doing that, she already thought I was mad. And then when we broke up, I was…hurting a little, so I lashed out and told her everything. About the two of you being together. She told me that the best thing to do was cut you both out of this baby’s life, and then we could come up with an excuse about why this baby didn’t have a father, should anyone ask. I didn’t think that was fair, and when I came to meet John to talk things through, she was livid. And so I told her that if she couldn’t get her head around both of you being involved, then I didn’t want to see her anymore. And that’s how she chose to leave things.”

“I’m so sorry, Veronica.” John said sincerely. He felt a surge of guilt at her having had to deal with that alone, and all because of him and Roger being together.

“Don’t be.” She insisted strongly. “Of course I’m sad, because she’s my mother. But if that’s how she feels, I’d rather know now. For all I know, this baby could grow up and fall in love with a woman. And if she does, I’ll love her regardless. I won’t make the same mistakes as my Mum.”

“Well that’s very…decent of you, even still.” Roger insisted.

“I just don’t want to be a selfish mother. I want to do things right for this baby. Besides, anyone with a brain can see you two love each other. It would have been cruel of me to stop either of you being a part of this baby’s life.”

John smiled in response, sharing a look with Roger for a moment. Then they were both looked back at the baby, and John counted himself lucky.

“Whatever the world might think of this set-up doesn’t matter to me. We can teach her to think with a little more tolerance. And prepare her for anything anyone chooses to say to her.”

“Agreed.” John said.

“Anyway, onto brighter subjects of conversation. Any other suggestions for names? What’s your mother’s name, John?”

“Lillian. But Dad always called her—”

He suddenly stopped, and Roger and Veronica both turned to look at him. They both knew that John’s father had died when he was young. That was all John had chosen to say to Veronica. He’d confided in Roger a little more. Roger automatically reached out to give his hand a gentle squeeze, just for a moment.

John blinked, clearing his throat quietly, and finishing his sentence.

“He used to call her Lily.”

“I like the name Lily. And it would be a nice tribute for your father, but I’m worried it might up proving too upsetting. Even if we chose the name Lillian, somebody’s bound to shorten it to Lily. How about you Roger? What’s your mother’s name?”

He looked round at Veronica in surprise. He didn’t expect a say, not in this. “Oh, it’s…it’s quite old-fashioned. It’s Winifred. Dad calls her Winne for short. Usually when he’s trying to convince her to let him go to the pub.”

Veronica smiled at Roger at that. “That’s nice. Well I know for sure that I’d like the middle name to be Suzanne. I always said that if I had a daughter, I’d name her after my godmother. She died relatively young, so she didn’t have children of her own, and she was like a second mother to me.”

John nodded in agreement.

“Did you know that Suzanne means Lily in French? Mum always like the name too and I remember her telling me the meaning behind it. Names was always her thing. If she liked one, she always remembered the meaning behind it too. It always stuck in my head. At least that way you’re honouring your father in some way, John.”

John smiled in response at Roger’s words. “That’s a nice way to look at it, actually. We’ve just got to think of a name to go with Suzanne then.”

“How about Laura for the first name?”

John and Veronica both turned to look at Roger, who shrugged in response. “It’s not a family name, I know, but it’s sort of traditionally English, and it’s not something that can be shortened either.”

“I like it. _Laura_.” Veronica said with a smile, trying to name on her lips. “ _Laura Suzanne Deacon_.”

“I’d like her christened, I think.” John suddenly said, reaching out to play with the wisps of her hair. “My sister and I were both christened, and it’s something I know my Mum would want for her grandchildren.”

“Yeah okay, I wanted her christened too, so that makes it easier.” Veronica smiled.

“I guess it’s official. Welcome to the world, Laura Suzanne Deacon.” Roger said softly.

Veronica smiled at the way Roger and John were gazing at Laura. It was obvious they both already loved her just as much as she did. They were lucky really. Most children only got to have two parents in their lives. Laura was going to have three.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting to upload that chapter for ages! Hope you all liked it, and I hope I did it justice. :D Just a quick note, I know that Laura wasn't technically John Deacon's oldest child, but I liked the idea of Roger and John having a girl first. I had this image in my head of Roger being all protective as he's Uncle Roger and him being really mischievous with Deaky's daughter, and leading her astray just like he promised to in this chapter, and it was so cute in my head that I just had to add it to the story. :) Anyway, let me know what you thought!


	20. Hang On In There

Roger felt as if he’d been punched in the gut and like he might throw up all at once.

He prided himself on having stoic nerves. Before a gig, he got flutters of excitement, the kind he got when John kissed him. He loved being on stage. He got off on the adrenaline, and the buzz of the audience. He loved playing drums, and loved touring. He truly believed that music was something he was destined to do, so he didn’t get nervous like he knew Brian, Freddie and John did.

But this was different. He’d never felt serious enough about someone to even consider it.

Freddie gave him a look once he finished speaking to John through the intercom. They’d spent the day recording the demo for the last song they were considering for the album. Everyone had recorded the vocals in the morning, and Roger had recorded his drum solo. This afternoon had been focusing on Brian’s multi-tracked guitar chords.

Roger had barely said a word. He’d agreed with all of Brian and Freddie’s ideas. That was unusual, especially when it came to adding his precious drums into the mix. Roger was usually very protective of them.

“No offence dear, but you’ve been as much use as a condom in a pope’s wallet today.”

Brian snorted at Freddie’s words. “How is he _not_ supposed to take offence to that?”

“Tell me I’m wrong then darling.”

Brian hesitated as they both looked at him, and Freddie grinned in triumph. “Okay fine. So he’s been a little quiet. Maybe he’s just got things on his mind.”

“Yes, but it worries me when he’s quiet!” Freddie said firmly, turning towards Roger, who was watching them with an impassive look on his face. “It happens so little that I wonder if he’s planning something illegal. Like you know, murder.”

“A little dramatic, Fred.” Brian rolled his eyes.

“Maybe I am,” Roger said suddenly, getting Freddie’s attention back. “Maybe I’m planning your murder.”

Freddie looked him over once, before shaking his head. “No way. You’d bore yourself to tears without me here to bother you.”

Roger huffed in disagreement, but couldn’t quite fight away a smile. “Can you not afford me one off day?”

“No Rog, we can’t. We’re supposed to be recording an album. We can’t do that if you’re sat there, agreeing with everything we say. Dare I say it but I miss the Roger who demands we use more of the floor-toms or argue that Brian has once again put a lengthy guitar solo into a song.”

“That was a bit uncalled for.” Brian rebuffed, but Freddie merely shrugged in response.

“Oh, I was only giving a shitty example, darling. We all love your solos, you know that.”

Roger sighed heavily in response, running a hand through his hair in frustration. He didn’t have the energy to focus on this today. He had too much going on in his head.

“Look, like Brian said, I’ve got things on my mind. What does my opinion matter anyway? We all know this song will be on the album regardless, because it’s Freddie’s song, and because you’ve basically already agreed that it will be. Which is hardly a surprise given that Brian is like a dog with a bone around you these days—“

“Alright fine, we get it. You’ve got things on your mind and you’d rather not talk about it.” Brian said, shaking his head as he stood up. “But you don’t have to be a dick about it, Roger.”

Freddie watched Brian leave, before turning back to Roger with a raised eyebrow. “Congratulations on successfully upsetting Brian. He’ll probably be in a shitty mood all afternoon now.”

“Oh fuck off Freddie. If you hadn’t kept bugging me in the first place, I wouldn’t have said all that.”

“Right. So you’re going to have a pop at me now, are you dear? Remind me in future not to show any concern for your welfare, if this is the thanks I’ll get for it.”

Roger frowned, realising Brian had been right. He was being a dick.

“Sorry Fred. I’m being an arse.”

Freddie waved a hand, his face neutral as he watched Brian head over to John in the studio.

“Forget it. I’m more concerned over what has you in such a shitty mood in the first place.”

Roger fiddled with his hands as he spoke, not wanting to see Freddie’s expression. “I’m sort of…heading over to Cornwall tonight.”

“To see your parents?”

“Yeah. But not just me.”

“You’re going with John?”

Freddie’s voice gave away his confusion, and Roger forced a small nod in response. “Yeah.”

“But he’s met them loads of times bef— _oh_. You’re going there to tell them aren’t you? About the two of you.”

Roger hesitated, picking at a scuff on the dashboard absent-mindedly. He could feel Freddie staring, and he cleared his throat awkwardly.

“That’s the idea.”

“Oh. Well it doesn’t have to be a big deal if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Freddie sighed, sensing Roger’s uncertainty through his silence.

“At least they already know him. You said yourself that they thought he was a nice, sensible lad the first time they met him. Maybe they’ll be pleased you’ve found someone like him.”

Roger snorted unconvinced.

“They might very well surprise you, Rog. They might take the news in their stride.”

“Except I can’t think of a time where they’ve done the sort. Why should this be any different?”

“Because their your parents and I’d like to think that they’d be supportive as long as you were happy?”

Roger turned his head, shooting Freddie a disbelieving look.

“Well look, this is all speculative anyway. You’re never going to know until you tell them. Besides, I thought you said that your mother was unfazed when you told her about me liking men as well as women.”

“That’s different. You’ve always been respectfully quiet at theirs, so she’s convinced herself that you’re this quiet thing who’s still trying to figure out his way in life.”

Freddie raised a brow in response.

She was half-right though. Freddie was full of life, but he could be quieter than the persona he put on whilst on stage. Roger knew he could actually be surprisingly sensitive when he wanted to be, but only a select amount of people knew that. That was how Freddie wanted it to be.

“Plus, you’re not her son. Whatever she feels about your life choices—her words—she knows it’s not her place to judge.”

“I still believe that they could prove you wrong. Then all of this panicking would have been for nothing.”

Roger frowned in response. It was hard to argue when Freddie was being so reasonable. If only he could think the same way about the feeling he had in the pit of his stomach…

“Those are wise words for someone who hasn’t come out to his own parents yet.”

Freddie’s eyes narrowed at Roger’s words. “That’s different and you know it.”

Like with most religions, homosexuality was believed to be immoral and a sin against God in Freddie’s faith. Roger knew from the time spent at Freddie’s that he hadn’t found the confidence to broach the subject yet.

“My parents are religious too, you know. They’re just as likely to take a negative viewpoint on this sort of thing.”

“Who’s idea was it anyway?”

“Mine,” Roger said, sharing a look with Freddie. “I was kind of drunk at the time. We’d gone out to celebrate Laura being born. Wet the baby’s head—”

“Without us?” Freddie’s tone was of virtual disbelief.

“It was last minute. It had taken me long enough to convince Deaky to come out.”

Freddie sniffed in response. “Shit excuse. But go on.”

“Anyway, we’d gone back to his. I’ve been staying there a bit recently.”

By a bit, Roger meant virtually every night. He wouldn’t tell Freddie that part. He proffered staying at John’s. It was a little bigger than his flat, and he liked sleeping in the same bed as John. Not that he’d admit that aloud. Not to the band at least.

“We were looking at a couple of photos of Laura that I’d taken the day after she was born. We got talking about family after I’d opened a bottle of whiskey. About how important it was, and how John still wanted a proper family unit for Laura to grow up in. And then I mentioned how it would be nice for my parents to know about Deaky properly, and then all of a sudden, he was sort of…agreeing to it.”

“Right. Well my point was going to be something along the lines of how you obviously want your parents to know about Deaky for you to suggest it in the first place.”

“Well. Yeah. Of course. It’s John, isn’t it? He’s important.”

What he wanted to say was that John wasn’t like the women he’d slept with. He’d never been able to settle, but he’d found himself wanting to with John. Because he wouldn’t see it as settling. It could be a relationship to last, to build the future around.

It was a daunting thought, but he was sure he could handle it with John by his side.

“He is. I’m just glad you haven’t forgotten that, Rog.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning…” Freddie trailed off, trying to find the right words as he looked Roger over. “I have to be honest, dear. When you told me and Brian about how you felt, I didn’t think it would last. Neither of us did actually. We thought that maybe you’d fuck him out of your system and move onto the next thing. Naturally, we were both anxious.”

Roger and John had always been close, and Freddie had often wondered whether anything could develop. And when it had, he’d felt conflicted. He wanted them to be happy and he could see for himself that there was a natural spark between them. But he’d also hoped it wouldn’t burnout quickly and ruin their friendship.

“And of course you both assumed I’d be the one to do that.” Freddie went to open his mouth to speak, but Roger continued before he could. “Well thanks very much for the vote of confidence, Fred.”

Freddie sighed in response. “Can you blame us for thinking that? That is how you’ve treated most of the women in your life.”

“Yes fine, I might have acted a bit of a dick in the past, but you must have known I wouldn’t have treated John like that. I’d never want to hurt him.”

“I know that now. But John’s our friend too. We didn’t want him hurt any more than you do. Actually, correction. We didn’t want to see either of you hurt.”

“Well surely this proves I’m not messing him about. By suggesting he meet my parents.”

 “Yeah of course it does. It’s just quite…serious. Have you even introduced anyone to them before?”

“No. But Mum kept asking if I was ever going to bring anyone round. So I finally gave in and promised that I would.”

 “But you do want them to know about John though, right? You’re not just…going through the motions.”

“No of course not. I wouldn’t be even thinking about this if I thought there was a chance of that.”

Freddie nodded as Roger met his eyes. He realised this was a big deal for him.

“I just think that maybe I’ve rushed into things a little. Maybe I should have waited a bit.”

“It’s understandable to feel like that dear. But sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith. At least John will be by your side. This will be a big deal for him too, you know.”

“I know that. Of course I know that.”

John hadn’t been with anyone worth introducing to his mother. Yet here he was, fully prepared to be introduced as an equal partner to Roger’s parents.

Freddie didn’t mention how John was nervous too. He’d seen the way John had barely acknowledged Freddie and Brian when he and Roger arrived, or the way he’d sat quietly as they’d gone over Roger’s drumming, or even the way his hands had shook as he went to pick up his bass guitar.

“I just worry they won’t accept it. Me and him.”

“Your parents care about you, Rog. I’m sure they’ll only want what’s best.”

“But what if they don’t want anything more to do with me? What do I do then?”

“Then you’ll have us. But I know your parents. They’re lovely, kind, and they care about you. It might take them a while to get their head around the idea, but just give them time.”

Roger forced a nod in response, watching Freddie’s eyes flickering back towards the studio through the glass. Brian and John were still speaking and Freddie frowned in response.

“What are those two talking about anyway?”

Roger shrugged, watching them curiously. “I don’t know.”

John’s eyes fell past Brian’s face, feeling two pairs of eyes suddenly. “We’re being watched, by the way.”

“I suppose we’d better go back in.”

John’s eyes raked back over Brian. “I meant what I said. Try not to overthink things. You’ve not even talked to Freddie about this yet. For all you know, he might not be aware of it. Just…talk to him. It will at least answer your question on whether this is all one-sided or not.”

Brian nodded in agreement, conscious of the fact that they were being watched and possibly listened to now. “Okay. Yeah. That makes sense.”

John looked at Freddie and Roger expectantly through the glass of the booth. “Shall we call it a wrap?”

“Sounds good to me, dear.”

John nodded, putting aside his guitar. Brian had divulged that Freddie had invited him out for a drink, and it was clear he was worried about what that meant. John had insisted that as far as Brian knew, Freddie might not have even been aware of Brian’s feelings. He didn’t mention that it was unlikely given that it was Freddie, as he could tell Brian was already overthinking and stressing over it all. As he spoke, John’s eyes had flickered back towards the other two every so often. He could tell by Freddie and Roger’s expressions what they were talking about at the same time.

He kept his eyes low as he headed into the booth.

“Are we meeting Reid in the morning? He was getting kind of peevish yesterday.”

“I’ll call him later. Let him know we’ve recorded the demos. I should think he’ll want us to decide what songs we use in the next couple of days, so we can get a move on in finishing the album.”

“Agreed.” Brian nodded, moving to sit next to John on the sofa.

Roger and Freddie had both swung their chairs round to face them. Roger was looking at his shoes. His beloved pink sparkly converses. John cleared his throat nervously under Freddie and Brian’s gazes.

“Are you ready to go, Rog?”

Roger nodded, sitting forwards. His eyes gave away his nerves, and John couldn’t hold his tongue anymore.

“Look, I meant what I said earlier. We can cancel if you’re not ready.”

“But they’re already expecting us.” Roger said quietly.

“Then just go on your own.”

“I can’t. Mum will be disappointed. She’s been excited for ages about me bringing a wo…bringing company.”

He’d been about to say _a woman_ , because he knew that was what his Mum would have been expecting, but then Roger realised John would have taken that the wrong way. Unfortunately, John read his thoughts.

“Exactly. She’s expecting you to bring a woman. Imagine her disappointment.”

Roger sighed in response. “I only meant that’s what she’ll assume. Given that I haven’t come out to them.”

“Okay, but you’re obviously not ready. Which is fine. I told you this morning that there was no point rushing this. We can still be together without either of our parents knowing just yet.”

“I know. But it’s all been arranged now.”

“Make an excuse.” John said in exasperation. “Say something came up with your company, but you didn’t want to disappoint your parents by not turning up, so you came alone.”

“But I want them to know. I do.” Roger insisted in response to John’s expression. “I’m just…nervous.”

“What’s the rush though? You’ve not been together that long.” Brian asked with a frown.

“Mum kept asking when I was going to bring someone round. I already told them that I’d not met anyone I felt serious enough to. But she kept badgering, and then when we got together, I just thought…why not? It’s not like I had that excuse anymore.”

“And I understand all that. I just don’t want you to do this yet if you have any doubts.”

“I don’t. Honestly. It’s more that I worry about what they’ll say. As far as they know, I’ve never even kissed a man before. I’ve no idea how they’re going to react. But Freddie’s right. You’ll be by my side to face whatever happens.”

John’s gaze softened. “Of course I will, Roger. But only if you’re sure.”

“Yes. I’ve said so, haven’t I?”

John returned Roger’s smile and nodded.

“Right. I guess that’s settled then.” Brian said lightly.

“Thanks Christ for that.” Freddie said with a roll of his eyes.

 

Roger was still quiet on the drive to his parents. The hum of the radio filled the silence as he drove, until John managed to convince Roger to pull over and get a cup of coffee after he failed to stifle his third yawn. John had already offered to drive the rest of the way, but Roger was insistent that he was fine. So he’d used the need for coffee as an excuse as they sat in a run-down café by the side of the road.

John gazed worriedly at Roger from over the rim of his coffee cup.

“We still have time to turn back, you know.”

They’d booked a night in a hotel not far from Roger’s parents, as they weren’t sure what time they’d leave. His parents had offered to let them stay, but given that they expected Roger to come along with a woman, they’d both agreed it was best not to accept the invitation.

“For the millionth time, John—”

“I know. I know. I’m just making sure. One last time.”

“Yeah well. If you want to go back so badly, be my guest.”

John frowned at Roger’s tone. “Don’t mistake my worry for not wanting to do this. It was only that you were a little quiet in the car.”

Roger shrugged, avoiding his eyes. “Yeah well. I was concentrating on driving, weren’t I?”

“Right,” John smiled, hoping he didn’t sound too disbelieving. “Well depending on how tonight goes, I was thinking that maybe we could visit my mother at some point.”

Roger’s eyes met his quickly. “Really?”

“If you’d like.”

“Well it’s more if you’d like, isn’t it? Given that she’s your Mum.”

“Of course. I just…might have to wait a little bit to tell her.” John admitted with a sigh. “Only because you already know she didn’t take the news about me and Veronica splitting up very well. She couldn’t understand why, not when she was having my baby, and I know it’ll become clear when I tell her about us, but…I didn’t want to spring too many surprises on her at once. Not to mention that I’m worried she might feel…I don’t know, a little disapproving maybe. Her approval means a lot to me. Especially with not having my Dad around.”

“I understand, Deaky.”

Roger gave a small smile of assurance, and reached across to press his hand over the top of John’s.

“Granted, she might not approve of you not being with Veronica for the sake of this baby, but I’m sure once you explain why, she’ll understand. It might be a shock, but she’ll come around. I’m sure of it.”

John smiled his gratitude at hearing Roger say that, placing his other hand on top of Roger’s. When he looked up, a group of four men were staring. They seemed around the same age, but they were burlier than him and Roger, and it was the look of disgust on their faces that had John pulling away quickly. He ignored the look of confusion on Roger’s face.

It was no good telling Roger. He knew he’d only say something, and John didn’t fancy their chances against four of them. It wasn’t worth it.

“Come on. We’d better head back on the road if we want to get there before it gets too dark.”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter! I had to split this one into two because it was quite lengthy unfortunately. Nevertheless, I hope the wait was worth it. I shall update the next chapter before next Monday so it's not too long to wait. I have to warn you, the next chapter is kind of sad. :( Let me know what you thought!


	21. Father to Son

They arrived in Truro an hour later. They headed to Roger’s parents, deciding they’d go to the hotel later.

John liked the look of Roger’s parents’ house. It was a cottage on the outskirts of the town. It was quiet, almost too quiet. It was peaceful and pretty here and he couldn’t quite imagine the turbulent, noisy Roger Taylor growing up somewhere like this.

He followed Roger up to the front door, watching him hesitate, his fist raised. Then he tapped it against the door.

John reached for Roger’s hand instinctively. “Okay?”

Roger could only give a small nod.

“It will all be fine. Whatever happens.”

Roger gave his hand a squeeze. “I know.”

They heard footsteps from behind the door, and Roger reluctantly let go of John’s hand. He wanted to ease into things gently. He couldn’t do that walking hand in hand through the front door.

Roger’s Mum Winifred answered. His Mum was a petite lady, with short blonde curls, and wide, blue eyes. She wore pink lipstick, and smelled faintly of flowers. She had on a knee-length, casual black dress and a pair of moccasin shoes. Her smile dropped as she looked between Roger and John.

“Roger, I thought—”

“I know. I’ll explain. Can we come in?”

“Of course.” She said, opening the door wider so that they could both step inside.

The hallway was bathed in dark colours. The carpet was Rossini-patterned and there was a Grandfather clock stood to the side.

“Did either of you want a drink?”

John hesitated, looking at Roger as they followed her through the hallway.

“Maybe in a bit, Mum. I…wanted to talk to you both first.”

“Oh okay,” she said, leading them into the living room with a curious expression on her face.

It was cosy in the living room. There was a roaring fire to the side of the room, and a sofa and two armchairs nestled around it. Underneath lay a Persian rug.

Roger’s Dad Michael was sat in one of the armchairs, a glass of amber liquid in his hand. He shared Roger’s piercing blue eyes and blonde hair, even though he didn’t have a lot of it left. He had a warm smile, and looked younger than his fifty-five year old self. His eyes narrowed as he eyed them both in confusion.

Roger offered a small, uncertain smile as he moved to sit on the sofa. “Hello Dad.”

“This is a surprise.”

“I know.”

“Then you’ll also know that this wasn’t the company we had in mind for you to bring, Roger.” His father replied evenly, before turning his gaze to John.  “No offence, lad.”

John shook his head as he sat next to Roger. “None taken. I can understand you must be confused.”

“Well that’s the reason he’s here actually.”

“Oh?” Winifred enquired as she moved to sit in the armchair besides Michael. “It’s nothing to do with the band, is it? I thought things were going well for you.”

“Yeah, they are,” Roger smiled encouragingly. “We’re in the middle of recording our new album. We’ll be going on tour again soon too.”

“So then…what is your bandmate doing here? John, isn’t it?”

John cleared his throat nervously. “That’s right, Mr Taylor.”

Roger fought not to roll his eyes. John had always been so polite to his parents. Then again, maybe it was a good thing. John’s old-fashioned sentiment might help him get into his father’s good graces.

“It’s lovely to see you again, John. Please don’t think it isn’t.” Winifred said with a tight-lipped smile. “However, me and your father were under the illusion that you were bringing _female_ company to dinner this evening.”

“Yes. Dad’s already made that clear.”

“We’re still waiting for you to tell us why that hasn’t happened.”

“Because I’m not seeing a woman. And I’ve already told you. I’ve never been with anyone I deem important enough to introduce to you both before.”

It would be better to be honest from the start. Maybe it would be like pulling off a plaster. Better to get it over with. At least that’s what Roger kept telling himself.

“So you’re unattached again then, are you?” Roger’s father said with a sigh. “I know you’re busy with the band, and it must be exciting, having your fill of meaningless relationships, but in the end, it will leave you miserable and alone. Mark my words. You’re far better off settling with someone worthwhile, someone you can build a future with.”

“You’re right. And I have.”

Michael faltered, frowning in response. “But you just said—”

“That I’m not dating a woman. Yeah. Because I’m not.”

John swallowed thickly, surprised at how quickly things had progressed. He had expected Roger to skirt around the subject a little first. Maybe he wanted it done and out of the way. John could understand that.

John offered a small smile as Roger reached for his hand. He was shaking a little, but there was determination in Roger’s eyes as he looked back at his parents expectantly.

Their expressions turned from confusion to shock.

Michael frowned as he stared at their hands. “If this is your idea of a joke, it’s not funny. Not to mention that it would be a stupid thing to make light of.”

“I guess it’s a good thing that I’m not joking then.”

“But…” Winifred trailed off, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You and him…you’ve been friends for years.”

“We have, yeah. But I always felt more than I was letting on. I just never wanted to admit it. You know what it’s like when you’re in a band. You’re together constantly, and the more I ignored it, the more I ended up hating it. Then we were on the last tour, when things just sort of…developed between us.”

He didn’t mention that it had seemed mad that they hadn’t been honest about the way they felt for each other sooner. Roger wasn’t good with words, but it felt as if they were inevitable, like they’d been drawn to each other from the beginning. He wore his heart on his sleeve, but it didn’t feel right to be completely honest just now.

“What is this? You’ve had your fill of all the women in the world and now you’ve moved onto men.”

Roger drew a long breath at his father’s words. “No of course not.”

“Then help us understand where this has come from. Because as far as we know, you’ve never shown any interest in men, and now suddenly…” Michael trailed off, waving a hand to indicate the two of them. “This thing between you, is it even serious? Because it seems to me that you’ve had lots of phases through the years and this could very well be another of them.”

“This is not a phase. I wouldn’t be sat here if I thought that was true. But of course you’d think that.” Roger retaliated with a shake of his head. “You’d rather believe that then the thought of your own son being…”

“Being what, Roger?” His father asked, a knowing look in his eyes.

Roger dropped his gaze, biting his bottom lip to stop from lashing out. He hadn’t needed to say it aloud before. He didn’t see how it mattered. Maybe he didn’t want to be labelled. Maybe he wanted to be like Freddie. Believe that people could love freely, no matter what the gender.

“You can’t even say the word, can you? That proves my point.” Michael huffed. “I give this relationship of yours six months maximum before you grow bored or change your mind.”

“Oh really? That’s how much bloody faith you have in me, is it?”

Michael sat forwards, anger in his eyes. “Yes it is. Because we’re your parents, and we know you. You could never stick at anything properly.”

“Well if that’s how you feel—”

“Look, this isn’t helping, is it?” John said quickly, before things could escalate. He didn’t want either of them to get any angrier and end up saying something they’d regret.

“No. It’s not.” Winifred agreed seriously, shooting Michael a look. “It’s no good speaking in anger. But you must also understand that this is a shock to us, Roger?”

“Of course.” Roger said quietly, focusing on how soft John’s hand felt under his touch, rather than on the gaze of his parents. “I’ve not been with another man before. Neither has John. But—”

“There we go then. You’ve said it yourself. Neither of you will know if this could even last.” Michael said with a shake of his head. “You’ve both risked the foundation of what seemed a genuine friendship, and for what? Having romantic feelings which could just as quickly fade?”

“No, because we wouldn’t have started this if we thought that was a possibility. We haven’t taken things further on a whim—”

“He’s right.” John said quickly, seeing that Roger was about to flare up again. “This hasn’t come about overnight. Both of us have felt this way for a long time, and we tried to ignore it. In the end, it got us nowhere. We lashed out at each other. I hated seeing Roger with different women. And Roger, he suffered too. He drank more, and got upset over little things.”

“Fine, say that’s true. Where is this all going to get you now? You can’t seriously expect people to know about the two of you.”

Winifred shot Michael a look. “Michael, go easy—”

“He needs to hear the truth, Winifred.” He insisted firmly. “Both of you have worked hard to get to where you have in your careers. The band is a success. But you mark my words, people will begin to turn their backs on you if they find out. And then what? It’ll ruin everything.”

“But you don’t know that will happen.. You’re just passing your views onto everyone else.”

“Yes I do! You live in a dream world, Roger. You always have—”

“That’s enough Michael!”

“No that’s alright, Mum. He’s made it clear how he feels.” Roger shook his head angrily, watching his father take a sip of his drink before taking a calming breath. “Look. I get that this is a shock. But we want to be together properly. That’s why we’re sat here now.”

Roger looked towards John automatically as he said that, almost as if for confirmation. John nodded in response, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. It encouraged Roger to continue talking.

“Things are changing. Just look at Freddie. You know within two minutes of meeting him that he’s into men and women, and he hasn’t done too badly for himself so far, has he?”

“Only because he’s discreet about his preferences. I wouldn’t have guessed looking at him. And that’s how it should be. Especially if you want to carry on making a success in the music industry—”

Roger was beyond tempted to point out that his father hadn’t exactly succeeded himself, so why should he take his advice seriously? But his mother got there first.

“What your father is trying to say is that you two having this relationship so publicly could cause the band a lot of problems. You would be in the newspapers every day, you’d be hounded by press. Don’t forget that homosexuality hasn’t long been legalised in this country too.”

“But there are still lots of country where it hasn’t been legalised.” Michael chimed in with a frown.

“And people all over the world still have bigoted views when it comes to this sort of thing.” Winifred added. “Not to mention that you’ll never be able to get married. Not legally anyway.”

John frowned at her words. He’d given that a thought himself. He loved Roger, but it frustrated him knowing that they’d never be allowed the option to marry. It didn’t seem fair. He knew by the numerous conversations the band had had that Roger had wanted to marry at some point.

“Then we won’t get married. I don’t need a piece of bloody paper to show the world that we love each other anyway.”

“All I’m asking is that the two of you work out whether all of this is worth risking your futures for. You both care deeply about each other, anyone can see that. But there are still a lot of horrible people out there. Are you ready to receive the kind of hate that people have when it comes to people like you?”

Roger pulled a face at Winifred’s words. “ _People like you_? Have you heard yourself, Mum? I can’t believe you two.”

Winifred drew a heavy sigh at his words. “I’m saying all of this because I care, Roger—”

“Yeah. Well. You’ve got a funny way of showing it.”

“Maybe it would be different if you weren’t famous. But you’ve got the band to think of. Yes, things might eventually change, but you’ll be lucky to see evidence of that in your lifetime.”

“You don’t know that for sure though.” John said quietly, getting their attention again. “You said yourself that homosexuality used to be illegal in this country. Now it isn’t. That’s a start, isn’t it?”

Roger nodded in agreement. “Exactly. Look, would you both be saying all of this if the two of you were told not to be together?”

“Don’t be so ridiculous.” Michael sniped in temper. “That’s completely different, given that we’re different genders. I’m warning you now, Roger. It will never last! You’re making a mistake and you’re both too blinded to see it. I know people that have been involved in same sex relationships and they’ve never ended well. In fact, most of them are happily married to women now so that must tell you something—”

“Good for them! But that isn’t me. This isn’t a phase, or me acting out or whatever other rubbish you might think. So you either accept it or…” he trailed off, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “You might not like what you’re hearing, but it won’t change anything. So you might as well accept it for what it is!”

“No, because it’s not natural for two men to want to be together! Not like that.”

Roger went quiet. He was quiet for so long that John looked at him, concern in his eyes. Roger’s face had suddenly drained of colour as he stared across at his father, shock in his eyes. John squeezed his hand softly, trying to give some sort of comfort as Roger tried to process what his father had just said.

“Is that what you really think? So you don’t think Freddie’s _natural_ now, is that what you’re saying?”

“Freddie is Freddie. He’s not my son. Nor have I ever said that I agree with his… _lifestyle_ choices.” Michael said, pulling a face as he spoke.

“No, but I’m your son. So suddenly, I’m not natural either, is that what you think?”

“Look, nobody is saying that you can’t be together. If that’s what you really want. Just do it behind closed doors. Keep things the war they were in public, and then neither of your careers will be affected. Lots of people do it.”

Roger felt sick. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. And from his parents of all people. The ones who had brought him up, who were supposed to love him no matter what.

His father, who read to him as a child, and had sung him lullabies to help him sleep.

His mother, who kissed away any scraps or cuts he had, and made him homemade tomato soup when he was sick.

He felt like he could cry. Or punch a wall. Maybe both.

His father wanted him to keep his relationship a secret. To keep John a secret. Like it was something to be ashamed of. He’d said it himself that he didn’t think it was natural to want to be with a man and that it wouldn’t last. How could Roger not take this personally, when he felt most happiest in being with John?

“Roger?” Winifred said, uncertainty in her voice. “I don’t agree with some of the things your father has said, but that could be an option, at least to begin with.”

“Except it’s not.” Roger said, clearing his throat quietly as he tried to stop any tears. He refused to let any spill over, not here. He wouldn’t give his parents the satisfaction of seeing it. “John means more to me than putting on some stupid façade in public. We shouldn’t have to hide how we feel. Even if people choose to believe it’s not _natural_.”

“Roger—”

“I’m done. Sorry Mum. But I think you’ve both made it clear how you feel.”

John frowned as Roger let go of his hand and stood up, a determined look in his eyes.

“So unless you’ve got something positive to say, we’re going.”

“Roger just because you don’t like what you hear—”

“We’re only trying to look out for you, Roger. We have your best interests at heart.” Winifred insisted, interrupting Michael quickly. “Of course we’re going to express some concern over this.”

“And you have, tenfold.” Roger sniped as he crossed the room. He paused by the doorway, keeping his back to them. “But this is who I am. Who I’ve always been deep down. I was just always too scared to admit it. But now that I have, it’s up to you. You either accept it or…or…or you have no son anymore.”

He sauntered from the room without a backward glance. John swallowed thickly as he watched Roger leave before turning back to his parents to see them watching him expectantly.

John flinched at the sound of the front door slamming shut.

“Look,” John started, clearing his throat nervously. “I appreciate all of this is a shock. But I do love him. I care about him a lot too. I completely understand your concerns over the future, because I worry too. And you’re right. Neither of us know where it could lead, or even if this will last. We just have to hope that it does.”

“That’s exactly the problem. Both of you are heading down this path, without thinking of the consequences.” Michael said calmly, realising John would be more likely to consider his concerns. “Both of you have based your life around this band. This relationship risks all of that. You must realise that?”

“We know there are risks involved in being together, yes.”

“And what? You’ve decided you don’t care?”

“No of course not.” John insisted with a sigh. “But we were only making it worst by ignoring it. Something had to give.”

“I understand that. Roger said himself you two are always together. I imagine it must have been difficult to not be affected by this.” Winifred replied evenly. “But that’s why I think you should keep it private. It won’t mean that you care for each other any less, or are any less devoted to each other. It just means that you only tell the necessary people about the two of you. Not the media, not the fans, but keep it within the band’s circle, and close friends and family.”

John forced a small nod. “I can’t lie and say I haven’t considered that.”

It was for Roger’s sake more than his own. He loved being a part of Queen. But he’d never set out to be famous. He loved music, and when they started to get successful, he thought that maybe he’d have a chance to get out a few songs, before fading from existence. When that didn’t happen, he thought maybe they’d have a couple of tours, and people would grow bored of them. But the band had grown from strength to strength, and he found himself here.

Roger was always meant to be famous. John truly believed that. He loved the spotlight and being the centre of attention, usually alongside Freddie. He loved the lifestyle too. He lapped up all the parties they were invited to, the never ending tours, all the photoshoots required of them, and being confined to the studio. And being successful meant the world to him. John hated to think that he’d be risking all of that just for him.

“I do want the best for him too, you know. And if it came down to it, I’d put his happiness above my own. Break up with him if I thought it was jeopardizing things.” John said with a confident nod. “But at the same time, we both love each other and we respect each other enough to at least try and make this work.”

John pulled out a card from the inside pocket of his jacket, and held it out for Winifred to take.

“It’s an invitation.” He clarified at the look she gave him. “Roger wanted to give it to you himself. I know he’s already told you both about Veronica having the baby. We’re having a christening for her, and we wanted you both to be there.”

Michael snorted, disbelief in his voice as he spoke. “No chance lad.”

John sighed in response, but he didn’t exactly feel surprised. He already knew how stubborn Roger could be, especially when it came to what opinions he had on things. John had virtually expected Michael not to want to be a part of this.

“I know all of this is a lot to take in, but I really think we could be a proper family. Granted, not the most conventional—”

“That’s an understatement.” Michael muttered sourly.

“But it doesn’t matter. Not to me. Or to him. Anyway, just know that we’ll at least think about what you said. About keeping our relationship private for the sake of our careers. I agree that we should at least be discreet about this if we want to carry on doing well. He means too much to me to ruin his career like that.”

Winifred cleared her throat quietly, looking at him expectantly. “Why does it sound like you care more about Roger’s career than your own? You’re both in the band. It’s both of your futures on the line here.”

“Because he comes first. Regardless. I’ll be honest, he’d everything I could want in a partner. But if it came to pushing him away for his own good, I would do it. Because he means more to me than the both of you realise.”

They nodded, both of their expressions unreadable as they sat and thought over what John had said. It was then that he chose to make his excuses.

“Anyway, I’d better check on Roger. Make sure he’s okay.”

They nodded again, and Winifred stood up to see him from the room. Michael was staring at the fireplace, his expression tight as he nursed his drink.

“I appreciate everything you’ve said, John.”

John turned back to look at Winifred in the doorstep, and she offered a small smile in response.

“It’s good to know that we all have Roger’s best interest at heart. Perhaps you could try and convince him to see it like that.”

“I can’t promise anything.” John said quietly.

Tonight hadn’t gone as well as either of them had hoped, but he knew Roger’s parents had only said everything they had because they cared.

Winifred hesitated, before reaching out and pressing a hand to his arm. Her expression was soft, her eyes worried. “Take care of him, won’t you?”

John nodded. “Of course.”

Roger was already in the driver’s seat by the time John made it back to the car. He jumped at the sound of the door opening. John stared down at him expectantly.

“Budge over, I’ll drive.”

John was surprised when Roger did so without argument. Under the dim lights of the car, Roger’s eyes were puffy. He sniffed discreetly as he turned to look out of the window. John kept quiet as he turned to key in the ignition, deciding this wasn’t the bet place to talk things through.

“Hotel or home?”

It was dark. It was late. But John would make the three hour drive back to his without complaint if it was what Roger wanted. Roger cleared his throat, his face still turned away as he spoke.

“Home. If…if that’s—”

“Of course,” he quickly insisted.

They didn’t get home until past midnight. Luckily the roads were quiet and John didn’t suggest that they stop along the way. Roger was asleep for most of the journey anyway.

John woke him up when they were outside, and Roger grabbed his bag and followed John into his flat quietly.

John turned on the light, and hung his jacket up as Roger set aside the bags. “Tea?”

“Any chance of a whiskey?” Roger asked hopefully, before shrugging at the look John gave him. “It will help me sleep. Otherwise it’ll take me ages to go back off.”

John sighed, giving in. “Fine. Go sit down and I’ll bring it in.”

Roger smiled sleepily, raising his hand to rub at his eyes tiredly. “Thanks Deaky—”

“Hang on. What the bloody hell happened to your hands?”

John moved forwards, snatching Roger’s hands and looking at the open cuts along his knuckles with wide eyes.

Roger had almost forgotten about them. He’d been so angry when he’d walked out on his parents that he’d punched the nearest thing. Unluckily for him, it happened to be a brick wall. Then he’d cried, not just with frustration, but how much it had bloody hurt. He’d managed to hide his hands when he’d switched places with John in the car, and then he’d fallen asleep and forgotten about it.

“Oh. Yeah. I punched a wall.”

John shot him a look, even as his fingers traced Roger’s knuckles carefully. It soothed them instantly. “You’re an idiot.”

“So I’ve been told many times.”

“Hmm. Right well, go and sit down. I’ll grab a bowl of hot water and a flannel. Make sure your cuts don’t get infected.”

“There’s no need, I’m fine—” Roger quickly stopped talking at the look on John’s face. “Well do I get to have my whiskey at the very least?”

“Yes. I’ll get that too. Glad to see you have your priorities in check.”

“Always do, Deaky.”

John kept his promise. He made two journeys, one to bring in the bowl of hot water, flannel and Roger’s whiskey. And the second to bring in a cup of tea for himself, which he set on the table next to Roger’s glass. He sat besides Roger on the sofa and reached for the flannel, and then more carefully, for Roger’s hands.

“Does it sting?” John asked worriedly as he pat the grazes with the flannel carefully. There was dried blood across Roger’s skin and John cursed himself for not having seen it earlier.

“No, not really.”

John frowned when he caught sight of Roger winching as he removed one hand to grab his glass and take a sip of his whiskey.

“How you feeling anyway?”

Roger sighed. “Stop worrying. I’ve told you, they don’t hurt, and I’ll still be able to drum—”

“Not your hands. _You_. After tonight.”

“Oh.” Roger said in realisation. He dropped his gaze to his lap and shrugged. “Fine. I expected them to react like that to be honest.”

“Still can’t make it any easier.”

“I suppose not.”

“Give them time. They might come around.”

Roger snorted in response. “Sure. When hell freezes over.”

“They only said all of that because they care, Rog. You must see that.”

“Yeah well. They have a funny way of showing it.” Roger said tensely, eyes flickering back up to John’s in surprise. He didn’t expect him to reason with them. “And even if that’s true, you heard everything they said. That they don’t think it’s natural, that this is all just a phase, and that we shouldn’t be together in public for the sake of our careers. Everything they said was utter bullshit.”

“Some of what they said was in temper, I’m sure. But maybe they’re right about the last one.”

Roger snatched his hands back, eyes blazing as John met his gaze. “I hope you’re bloody joking.”

“I’m just saying.” John said calmly, dropping the flannel back into the bowl of water. “If people start finding out about us, they’ll make their own judgements.”

“Let them. See if I fucking care—”

“Except you will if it means the fans will start losing interest. If our records stop selling, or we’re suddenly dropped by our management because nobody wants to be associated with us.”

“Oh come on. Like that’s going to happen. Queen are practically untouchable by now.”

John gave him a look of disbelief. “I wouldn’t go that far. And not if they think our reputation is tarnished. Which it very well could be should any reporters get wind of any rumours about us.”

“So what exactly are you suggesting? We keep our relationship under wraps, whilst parading about with a woman on our arms? Which we’d probably be expected to do because otherwise people would start asking questions about why we don’t seem to be in a relationship. But I refuse to do that. If people can’t accept we’re together then that’s their fucking problem.”

“That’s not exactly the attitude to have, is it Roger?” John insisted with a sigh.

“I don’t care John! I’m not going to act as if I’m ashamed of us just to keep everyone else happy. And you shouldn’t want that either.”

“Of course I don’t want that!” John insisted, struggling not to lose his temper. He didn’t want to be saying any of this, but he was trying to see things from an impartial standpoint. For both of their sakes. “I’m just trying to do the right thing. For both of us.”

“What and this feels right, does it? Suggesting that we hide our relationship like some kind of dirty secret.”

“Except it wouldn’t have to be like that.”

Roger huffed in response, unable to believe what he was hearing. “No. I’m sorry, but I’m done listening to this rubbish—”

“Roger, wait.” John pleaded, reaching out before he could stand and leave. John shrugged, his hand brushing his. “It was just an idea.”

“Yeah, well it was a shit one. I wouldn’t be introducing you to my parents if I didn’t want people knowing about us.”

“I know, I know.” John said softly, going back to soothing Roger’s cuts with the flannel. “I just…wanted to let you know it was an option. In case you were thinking of—”

“I wasn’t. Clearly you were though.”

“Only because your parents were right. We’re risking everything if we go public.”

“We don’t necessarily have to _go public_. We won’t confirm anything, we won’t tell them whether we’re with someone or not, and we let them think what they want to without ever admitting to anything. We always hang out anyway, so they’ll have no proof to suggest something more is going on.”

John nodded in agreement. “Yeah. That could be an option.”

“Well it would be preferable at least.” Roger said with a frown. He kept his eyes on his hand, on the way John’s thumb circled against his skin softly. “I don’t know about you, but I think I’d want to scratch my own eyes out if I saw you with other people. Even if it wasn’t real.”

“I know. And I do feel the same. Honestly.” John insisted quickly. Just the thought of it made him feel sick. He’d have forced himself to deal with it though, if he truly thought that that was the best option for them both.

“Should anyone find out though…I know it’s not what you want to hear Roger, but we’re bound to have a hard time.”

“Then we’ll face it together.”

Roger took away the flannel in John’s hand and set it back in the bowl now that his cuts weren’t so bloodied. He then took John’s hands in his.

“You and Laura. Your my future now.”

“And your mine.” John said softly. He couldn’t hide his smile at Roger’s words. “Having said that, I know how much music and drumming means to you too. And should anything happen to jeopardize that, then I meant what I said—”

Roger pressed a finger to John’s lips, a warning look in his eyes. “Don’t Deaky. Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

John frowned. “Roger—”

“I mean it John. Otherwise what was the point of me being at the hospital when Veronica gave birth? I know we’ve not been together long, but you’ve always meant a lot to me. I want us to be a family, a proper family. One that we can both come home to at the end of the day, and forget everything else.”

“I want that too.”

“Good. So stop being so fucking noble.”

Roger smiled as he said that, and shut up any retort John might have made by moving forwards and kissing him. He shivered at the sound John made as he brushed his tongue over John’s lips. He also enjoyed the way John tried to reach for him again as Roger finally pulled back a while later. Roger traced small circles into the back of John’s neck, feeling himself grow lost in the intensity of John’s stare.

“I do love you.” John said quietly, his eyes warm as he moved to drop a kiss to Roger’s forehead.

“I know. I love you too, Deaky.”

John’s smile took Roger’s breath away as he replied. “I know.”

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwww poor Roger! :( Don't hate me! Sorry this took longer to update than I promise, hopefully it was worth the wait. I can't wait to give you the next chapter. All I'll say is that it involved Brian and Freddie, some alone time away from Roger and John, and...yeah, the rest you'll have to wait for haha. Comment what you thought of this chapter and comment what you think the next chapter might be about! ;) Haha!


	22. If You Can't Beat Them

Brian fiddled with his hair again, making sure it wasn’t windswept. It was cooler this evening. There’d been a sudden breeze during the five minute walk to there. Chrissie had offered to give him a lift, but he’d said no on the basis of needing to clear his head. It hadn’t worked.

He lifted his pint of Guinness and took a long sip. Then he looked at his watch. He’d been waiting almost half an hour. He wasn’t sure why he was surprised. Freddie was late to almost everything.

Brian felt a pang of anxiety at the thought of him.

He was onto his second pint by the time Freddie sashayed through the door. Brian saw him scan the room. Brian had conveniently chosen a booth by the side, still visible from the door so that he could spot Freddie, but hidden enough that nobody would take too much notice of them.

Freddie wore an apologetic smile when he noticed Brian, and headed over immediately.

“Sorry I’m late dear. It took me ages to get Jerry back in. She’s a little more sensitive than Tom as you know and I didn’t like the thought of leaving her outside.”

Tom and Jerry were Freddie’s cats, brought by Mary for Christmas a couple of years back.

“Oh that’s okay. I’ve…not been here long anyway.”

Freddie shrugged off his leather jacket and set it aside. “That’s alright then. Did you want a top-up?”

“Please.”

Freddie nodded and headed to the bar. Brian used the time to take another long sip of his drink, his eyes finding the outline of Freddie’s back. He was wearing a plain t-shirt, skinny jeans, and platform boots. Brian couldn’t help but notice how his jeans clung to his long, lean legs, or the way his t-shirt hugged his waist just so.

In all fairness, he often took notice of what the others in the band wore. But he didn’t find himself checking out Roger’s arse or John’s legs in the same way he did with Freddie.

He found himself doing it even more now that Freddie was no longer with Mary. Difference was that Brian was still married. So he knew those thoughts shouldn’t be encouraged. It was just that that was easier said than done. Especially since their kiss. Even if it had only been for a dare.

He thanked Freddie as he headed back over with a pint for Brian, and a vodka tonic for him. Freddie put his glass down, and offered a small smile as he sat opposite.

“You’re welcome, darling.”

Brian watched Freddie take a sip, disliking the tension that had suddenly settled over them.

“Hmm, I needed that.”

Brian’s gaze fell as Freddie licked his lips. He blinked, clearing his throat and forcing his eyes away quickly. Fuck, he needed to get a grip.

“Rough day?”

“It was okay.” Freddie said quietly, keeping his eyes on his glass. “Mary came round for the rest of her things.”

“Oh,” Brian said carefully. “Did she say anything?”

“We talked. Only for a little while. Both of us agreed it was still for the best. Just being friends.”

Brian nodded, guilt overriding the initial relief he felt at Freddie’s words.

“At least you managed to talk things over.”

Freddie took another sip of his drink and nodded. “Exactly. I couldn’t imagine Mary not being in my life. Just…not in that way anymore.”

“Well at least you both know where you stand now.”

“Yeah. Makes things less complicated, I guess.” Freddie agreed, taking another sip of his drink. “Anyway, how are things in the life of Brian May?”

“Oh you know Fred, same old.” Brian replied easily, finding himself slipping back into comfortable conversation. “Chrissie is in the midst of having a revamp at home. So that’s been a little hectic.”

Freddie nodded, his smile falling a little. “I suppose it’s always good to decorate. Tell her if she needs some tips on what colours to use, I’m her man. I’ve always thought your bedroom would look nice with a touch of salmon pink.”

Brian gave Freddie a look. “Remind me when you were ever in my bedroom?”

“At your housewarming, of course. Chrissie gave us all the tour.”

“Oh right. Of course. Well, I’m afraid to say that I won’t be passing on your advice. She doesn’t need any more encouragement.”

Freddie sniffed in response. “That’s okay dear. I’ll just tell her myself next time I’m round. In fact, is she home this evening? I’m in the mood for a catch-up.”

Brian cleared his throat, going back to his pint. “She was. She’s gone to visit her parents.”

Freddie nodded, concentrating on lifting his glass again as he spoke. “Will she be back tonight?”

“It’s unlikely. Given her parents live a couple of hours away.”

“That’s a shame,” Freddie said, surprised at how even his voice was. “Having said that, I was going to suggest we go over some lyrics if you wanted. We haven’t collaborated in ages.”

Brian, excited at the thought of being alone with Freddie, found himself agreeing far too easily. “That would be nice actually.”

They finished their drinks and headed back to Brian’s flat. The evening was spent on the sofa, sharing a few beers and strumming on Brian’s guitar. Within a couple of hours, they’d created a whole song. They’d settled on the title of _Save Me_ after the same lyrics in the chorus.

Brian had felt a surge of inspiration in being with Freddie, and that had leaked into his song-writing.

 _Each night I cry, I still believe the lie. I’ll love you ‘til I die. Save me, save me, save me. I can’t face this life alone_.

“I like it dear. It’s a little disheartening but I like it.”

“Disheartening?” Brian repeated, struggling not to take offence. “How so?”

“It’s about a break-up. That’s obvious from the lyrics.”

“Well that’s because it’s partly inspired by a break-up. I wrote it about a friend. His relationship ended a few months ago. They were together for nearly five years.”

“That’s an awfully long time to be with someone, darling.”

“I know. He was actually quite devastated.”

He didn’t add on that the more tender lyrics were inspired by someone a little closer to home.

“I can imagine he was. Just look at me and Mary. It’s too easy to get stuck in a rut when you’ve been with someone for so long.”

Brian gazed at Freddie curiously. Freddie hadn’t spoken of how his and Mary’s break-up had come about. He knew it had been a mutual choice and that they’d parted as friends. And they all knew Freddie had been with different men on tour. But that remained an unspoken thing between the four of them.

“Is that what you think the two of you were?”

“Oh absolutely dear. Mary would agree. We just couldn’t see it for ourselves. Not until we’d ended things and had time away from each other to think.”

“And then you realised it was for the better?”

Freddie bobbed his head in agreement as he sipped his beer.

“I kept putting it off because I didn’t want to hurt her. In the end, I realised I was only hurting her more by pretending that nothing had changed. Pretending that she was enough for me, you know? Sometimes in life, it’s crueller not to set someone free just because you’re afraid of losing them.”

“That…that was actually quite insightful, Fred.”

Brian was impressed, though not necessarily surprised. Freddie could be deeper than people gave him credit for.

“Says you, dear. That song was rather insightful. And beautifully haunting. Not that I’m surprised. Your songs are usually pretty deep.”

Brian scoffed at that. “I’m not sure about that, Fred. _Now I’m Here_ isn’t exactly complex, is it? Not lyrically, at least.”

“Don’t be so modest dear.” Freddie said, a warning tone to his voice as he took another swig of his beer. “Besides that’s one of my favourite songs of yours. We released that after _Killer Queen_ if you remember?”

“Of course I do.”

“And I said that I liked the contrast to it. I think it reminded people that we were still a rock ‘n’ roll band at heart. I always enjoy performing that one.”

“Really?”

“Don’t sound too surprised, dear. I’ve always said that you’re virtually the Lennon to my McCartney.”

“You flatter me, Fred.”

Even still, hearing Freddie compare them to who Brian believed were the two greatest songwriters in music history gave his ego a boost.

Brian could feel himself flushing under the heat of Freddie’s gaze and his words. Freddie often dished compliments out, but they still came from the heart. He wasn’t one to say things on a whim.

“Have I made the one and only Brian May blush? I never knew my words affected you in such a way, dear.”

Freddie’s tone was teasing, and he threw in a laugh for extra emphasis. Even still, Brian found his gaze dropping to the bottle of beer he was codling.

“I’ve always had the gift of making people blush. Except usually, it takes a lot more flattery and a whole lot of fondling.”

Brian kept his eyes on the bottle, feeling his face warm further. Brian had always enjoyed flirting with Freddie. They did it all the time on tour. But Freddie practically flirted with everyone. He was a bit like Roger in that way.

“Is that what you’re doing now, Fred? Attempting to flatter me?”

“Why? Is it working?”

Brian lifted his beer to take a sip and catching Freddie’s gaze. He was watching him seriously, but there was a playful smirk playing on his lips that had Brian deciding to go along with it. They’d already had a few beers, and Brian found himself wanting to walk the line of fire. He could always blame it on the drink of things went wrong.

“Maybe,” Brian shrugged. “What if that doesn’t do the trick? Do you skip ahead to the fondling?”

Surprise flickered in Freddie’s eyes. Brian liked having the ability to do that. Usually, he backed down too quickly. Freddie found himself curious to see how far Brian would take it.

“Grab us another couple of beers, and you might be lucky enough to find out love.”

Brian fought back a shiver. Freddie only ever usually called people dear or darling. It didn’t necessarily mean anything, but Brian felt his heart skip a beat at the endearment.

“You’re on, Fred.”

At that, Freddie really did look surprised.

“Is the usual stoic Brian May drunk by any chance?”

“Please. It takes more than a few beers to do that.”

“I blame your height. It takes longer for the alcohol to circulate.”

“So much for flattery, Fred.”

“Oh, you know I’m only teasing, darling.”

Brian tensed as Freddie leaned over, automatically pressing a hand to Brian’s leg. He could feel the heat of Freddie’s skin through his jeans and he swallowed heavily in response.

“Right. I’ll go get them beers.”

Brian headed into the kitchen to get them both another drink. He hesitated, the lights catching his reflection in the window. _What was he thinking_? He already knew the answer to that. But a harmless flirt after a few drinks wasn’t going to harm anyone. He’d done far worst whilst on tour, and it had never harmed Chrissie by her not knowing before.

He frowned. Was that really how he was going to reason all of this?

Then again, nothing had happened yet. There was nothing to tell. That seemed to placate his conscience. For now.

By the time he headed back into the living room, Freddie had his feet up, a grin on his face as he watched Brian.

“Making yourself comfy?”

“You know me, dear. I practically become part of the furniture after a while.”

“True.”

Brian smiled, handing Freddie his beer before lifting Freddie’s legs and setting them back onto his lap. He couldn’t find it in him to tell Freddie to budge over when he looked so at home.

“I thought you said Chrissie was having a revamp anyway.”

“She is. She’s starting upstairs. You don’t even want to see the mess in the spare bedroom.”

“I bet it’s like something from your worst nightmare.” Freddie scoffed, knowing how Brian could be about organisation at times.

“You could say that.”

“Ah well. It probably helps to keep her occupied. Especially when we’re all on tour.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. And obviously I want her to do the things she enjoys. It’s just…well, she can get a bit carried away. She’ll spend the next six months changing the place up if she has her way.”

“You’re one to talk.” Freddie laughed, tapping Brian’s hip with his foot. “You practically spend hours perfecting a guitar solo, making sure you get it just right. It’s the same thing dear.”

“Hardly,” Brian huffed. “That’s our music, for an album, and for our fans. Nobody’s really going to take much notice of whether our living room has a Persian rug or not.”

Freddie smiled. “She wants a Persian rug? Very fancy.”

Brian sighed. “Don’t get me started, Fred.”

“Oh stop being so boring.” Freddie complained, swinging his legs back around and moving to sit next to Brian. He elbowed him in the ribs softly. “You should take it as a compliment dear. She wants your house to be cosy and welcoming. For her and for you.”

“I do. I swear.”

“Doesn’t sound like it, Bri.”

Brian was distracted. Freddie was watching him closely, a warm look in his eyes.

“I’m just whinging. Ignore me.”

“Well that’s what I’m here for. Listening to you whinge.”

“Then I guess I should thank you, Fred.” Brian said, unable to stop a smile at Freddie’s words.

“You’re welcome,” Freddie smiled, before waggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Anytime dear.”

Brian could feel his face warm at Freddie’s words again. “Such a flirt.”

“I could easily go one better than that, darling.”

Brian snorted, deciding to play along again. “Sure, Fred.”

Freddie pulled a face, shooting Brian a look. “Are you calling my bluff?”

“That’s what it sounded like to me.”

“Me too. Well then dear, you asked for it.”

Freddie grinned as he took Brian’s face in his hands and reached forwards to place a loud, over-dramatic kiss on his lips.

“There, that shut you—”

Freddie stopped talking when he caught sight of the expression on Brian’s face. It was a mixture of surprise and curiosity. But there was something else. Something in Brian’s gaze that had Freddie leaning forwards again.

Except it was different this time. Brian kissed him back.

He leaned into Freddie, his lips urgent, his kiss desperate. Freddie knew he should have stopped it then and there. This was Brian. He wasn’t some guy he’d just picked up. If things went further, it would complicate not just the band, but their friendship. And Brian had been such a good friend.

But that was all forgotten about as Brian pressed his tongue against Freddie’s lips, his hand sliding past his thigh, and touching him through his jeans.

It was so unexpected that Freddie moaned instinctively and Brian was pushing Freddie back against the sofa. Freddie could only concentrate on the sudden desperate need he felt in the depths of his body, or how good it felt to have Brian pressed against him in such a way. And then he knew. He didn’t have the self-control to stop this. Even if in the back of his mind, he knew he should for both of their sakes.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Argh?! Please don't hate me haha. So that happened! What do you think will happen now? Let me know your thoughts in the comments. And please don't hate me too much for doing that to Chrissie! 😫🙈


	23. Scandal

“Roger, hurry up or we’ll be late!”

They were supposed to be at the studio half an hour ago, so technically they were already late. John sighed as he looked at his watch for the third time in ten minutes. He was waiting by the front door. Roger had forgotten to set the alarm, and John had practically jumped out of bed when he realised the time. Unfortunately for him, Roger always took longer getting ready, even when he was supposed to be rushing.

“Alright, alright, keep your hair on, Deaky.”

Roger rounded the corner of the hallway, eyes wide and hair still damp, as he shoved his feet into a pair of converses.

“What’s got you in a rush anyway?”

“Other than the fact that we’re half an hour late already?”

“So? Besides, I bet Freddie’s not there yet.”

“Oh that’s alright then.” John grumbled sourly, and Roger flashed him a look as he followed him out of the front door.

“Ooh, somebody got out of bed on the wrong side this morning.”

They made it to the studio in just over ten minutes. Brian was leaning against the wall outside when they got there, and Roger looked at him with shock. John, who hadn’t noticed Roger suddenly stop walking, almost bumped into him as he bid Brian a good morning. Then he turned to look at Brian properly and felt his eyes widen too.

“Is…is that a cigarette?”

Brian looked between them, the cigarette between his fingers, disgust in his eyes. “Maybe.”

Roger scoffed in response.

“What the fuck Brian? The amount of times you badger on at us about how bad smoking is, and you’re stood out here—”

“I know, I know. Truth is, I don’t even want it. I thought maybe it would help calm my nerves. Instead, it’s just made me feel ill.”

“That’ll teach you.” John teased.

Roger snatched the cigarette from between Brian’s fingers and lifted it to his lips to inhale it. “There you go. Problem solved.”

John rolled his eyes in response. “Thoughtful as always, Roger.”

“That’s me. Anyway, is Freddie here yet?”

“Yeah, he’s inside.”

“That’s a record! Beating us here.” Roger commented lightly, before noticing the look on John’s face. “Oh, don’t give me that look. We’re here now, aren’t we?”

Brian looked between them in confusion. Roger answered with a shrug.

“The alarm didn’t go off this morning. Hence, why we’re late.”

“Except it didn’t get set in the first place, did it?”

“Oh chill out, Deaky. I doubt we’ve missed anything important.”

They both looked towards Brian, who shook his head in response. Roger gave John a satisfied smile in response. “See. Right. I’m going to head in to see Freddie.”

John watched Roger head in before giving Brian a worried once over. He did look a little pale. He actually looked like he might pass out. But then that could have been from the cigarette.

“What’s got you so nervous anyway?”

“Nothing really. Just worrying about this album. You know what Fred’s like when he’s on a mission. We were a month over budget with the last one.”

“He’s a perfectionist.” John said with a shrug. He learned to accept that early on, as had everyone else. “But you know that anyway. Nothing else on your mind?”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Did you get around to having that chat with Freddie?”

Brian dropped his gaze, his expression unreadable.

“I’ll take that as a yes then.”

“Except there wasn’t really a lot of words exchanged in the end.”

“What—” It took John a second to realise what Brian meant. He struggled not to pull a face at the thought. “Hang on. The two of you—”

Brian sighed in response. This was the last conversation he wanted to be having. “Yes, that really is what I’m saying.”

“ _Oh_. Right. Well. That progressed a little…quickly.”

Freddie and Brian had both been at least a little surprised when John and Roger had gotten together. And there’d been something between them from the beginning. That could have easily been the same with Freddie and Brian, but given that John had only recently found out, it seemed sudden.

“Yes thank you, John. Don’t you think I feel bad enough as it is?”

John watched the way Brian dropped his gaze again, biting hard on his bottom lip. The guilt was written all over his face.

“Maybe this is it. You’ve both gotten it out of your systems and you can move on and forget about it.”

What he wanted to say was that he could go back to concentrating on his marriage. It could have been a one-time thing, and Chrissie need never know. But then he took in Brian’s expression. His cheeks were flushed, and he couldn’t quite seem to meet John’s eyes.

“Except you don’t want it to be a one-time thing.”

Brian quickly shook his head, his expression firm. “No, no. I know it’s better for both of us if it was. It would be different if it was someone I’d met on tour, someone I’d never have to see again.”

John nodded. “How does Freddie feel about it?”

Brian shrugged in response. “I don’t really know.”

“So no long speeches afterwards?”

“Not especially. Freddie was Freddie. Made light of the fact we’d had a few drinks, even though I could tell neither of us was drunk. Then he said he’d had fun, told me not to overthink what had happened, and before I could say anything, said he’d see me in the studio today, and to have a good weekend.”

John snorted in response. Brian was a big thinker at the best of times. He could only imagine the way Brian’s head must have been spinning at Freddie being so casual after something like that happening between them.

“It sounds as if you might already have your answer.”

The chances were Freddie had downplayed what had happened because he didn’t want things to be awkward. Or their friendship to be ruined. He knew, because John had felt the same way with Roger in the beginning.

Freddie had been in a relationship a long time, but he hadn’t been faithful. Neither of them had. But Freddie had said himself that he didn’t think monogamy worked.

“Yeah,” Brian said quietly. “Yeah. You’re probably right.”

“So then why do you still look so worried?” John frowned.

“I’m not. You’re right, Deaky. I think I just feel a little nauseated still, that’s all.”

“Right,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound too disbelieving. “Well that will stop you from trying a cigarette again anytime soon, won’t it?”

“Definitely. I don’t know what I was thinking. Well I wasn’t actually. That was the problem.” Brian said, pulling a face. He smiled then. “Thank you by the way. For the chat. It helped.”

“That’s alright. Glad I could help.” John said with a shrug. “Come on, we’d best get in. Especially if Freddie is on usual form as you say.”

“You’re probably right.” Brian offered a small smile.

 

They spent the day getting to grips with John’s song from the album, _You and I_. They wanted to get it right, as the band knew it meant a lot to him, given that the lyrics were inspired close to home. The band called it quits for the day after that.

Roger let John drive back to his, discussing the album in the car. That continued as they headed in and John made them a cup of tea, before talk turned to earlier in the day.

“So did you find out what had Brian in knots? His red special was in working order, and his hair seemed unharmed, so I assume it can’t be anything too traumatising.”

John smiled despite himself at Roger’s teasing as he poured the hot water into the cups. “I did, yeah.”

“And?”

“And I’m not sure it’s up to me to tell you what he said. It’s…personal.”

“Personal?” Roger said, his eyebrows furrowed in concern as followed John into the living room. “He’s not ill or anything is he?”

“No of course not. It’s nothing like that.”

Roger looked even more confused as he sat down besides John on the sofa. Then he frowned. “It’s not about him and Fred again, is it? I don’t know why he doesn’t just be honest with him if he hates seeing Freddie with other men so bloody much.”

“Except…I don’t think he needs to do that anymore.”

“Has something happened then?”

“You could say that.”

“Tell us then Deaky,” Roger said with a groan. “Come on, you know I won’t say anything.”

John gave him a look in response.

“I don’t know that though, do I? Because it seems that every time you and Brian have a disagreement, you rub your knowledge of the situation in his face.”

“Fine. Then let me rephrase that.” Roger said, rolling his eyes. “I promise not to say anything to anyone else. That better?”

“Yeah, loads actually. Now I’m even more eager to tell you.”

Roger huffed unappreciatively at John’s sarcasm. “Hilarious John. But you realise that if something had happened that has the potential to jeopardize our careers then I have the right to know.”

John hesitated at that. He felt it a little hypocritical considering they didn’t always feel the same way when it came to their relationship. Not to mention that Freddie and Brian were entitled to their privacy. But Roger also had a point. Nobody knew where they would go from here, and that left the band on shaky ground.

“I suppose you’re right.”

Roger sat up straighter with a smile, as if he was proud of having thought up a valid reason. “It does happen occasionally.”

John gave a small smile before lifting his cup and drinking his tea. It gave him the time to think of how to word what he was going to say next.

“Okay. So you know I told you that Freddie had invited Brian out for a drink, and Brian was worried about what that meant?”

“And you told him to talk to him.”

“Exactly. Well I don’t think they got around to having that chat.”

Roger frowned in response.

“Why not? They’re never going to get anywhere if they don’t talk it through. And in the meantime, we have to put up with Brin lashing out every time Freddie starts seeing someone—”

Then he stopped talking, closing his eyes briefly, before realisation passed across his features. “They slept together, didn’t they?”

John nodded, watching him winch in response.

“Now I understand how the two of them probably felt when they found out about us.”

John gave a small laugh in response.

“Anyway, I said that now that it had happened, maybe they could move on. Maybe they’d gotten it out of their system.”

“Yeah,” Roger said with a nod. “What did Brian say?”

“He kind of agreed. I got the impression Brian doesn’t really want that though.”

“Really?”

Roger could hear the shock in his voice. Brian had always cared for Freddie, but then they all did. So Roger had assumed it was mutual affection and respect between them and nothing more. Plus, Brian was married. They all had their flings, but this was different. It was an unspoken thing between them— _what happens on tour, stays on tour_. But this was going on underneath Chrissie’s nose.

“I think he felt guilty too. And worried about what it could mean, because he didn’t know how Freddie felt. It sounded as if Freddie played it down and didn’t think it was a big deal.”

Roger bit his lip in order to stop himself saying something. Before him and John had even slept together, he knew it meant something. But then this was Freddie.

“So I told him that it sounded as if he already had his answer about how Freddie felt about it.”

“Well yeah,” Roger said casually. “Either that or he was downplaying it because he doesn’t want things to change. Or spoil his and Brian’s friendship.”

“I did think that too.”

“What did Brian say?”

“He said I was probably right.” John said, hesitating briefly. “I still don’t believe that’s the end of this though.”

“That’s worrying.”

John murmured an agreement.

“Well I’m sure everything will iron itself out in the end.”

Roger gave John a look as he sipped on his cup of tea. “Is that your idea of trying to be positive?”

“It was actually, yeah.” John said with a small smile.

“I’ve got to be honest Deaky, it wasn’t very encouraging.”

“Well I tried.”

“That, you did.” Roger said, grinning despite himself. “Having said that, I’m sure you’re right. We’ve all had flings before. Granted, not with each other but who knows? Maybe they’ll decide that they got it out of their system after all and things will go back to normal.”

“You think?”

“Maybe, maybe not,” Roger said with a smile. “But I’m trying your tactic. Positive thinking.”

“Oh right,” John said, laughing again at Roger’s words. “Well who knows? You might be right. Stranger things have happened, I’m sure.”

“True. Like how you managed to bag me.”

Roger threw in a wink for extra measure, so that John knew he was joking.

“Well, I certainly know how you bagged me. You plied me with alcohol. You always say that I enjoy a flirt after a drink.” John grinned.

“Ah. You saw through my cunning plan then.” Roger teased back with a smile. “Not to mention my infamous charm won you over too though, right?”

“That goes without saying.”

John smiled shyly in response. He was still watching Roger with a fond look. He’d never believe that he could be this happy with someone, and Roger had managed to prove him wrong. Then his smile dropped.

“Seriously though. Whatever happens between the two of them, I think it’s best we don’t get involved.”

Roger huffed in response. “Yeah, like it’ll be that easy with those two.”

“Well I think we should at least try not to. Until they choose to ask for our opinion, we keep it to ourselves. Especially as we’ve got the christening coming up.”

He had invited both Brian and Chrissie, and he didn’t want the day spoiled by any lingering tension, which meant keeping out of it, for now at least.

“Even if we think that Brian and—”

“Even if we think Brian might be risking the band’s future by not thinking with his brain but something else entirely?”

John hesitated, blinking in response. “Not exactly how I was going to put it, but yes even if Brian…yes, Roger. That’s what I’m saying.”

Roger sighed in response. “Fine, fine. But you realise that even if we manage not to get ourselves involved, it’s still going to be awkward. Especially when Brian turns up with an oblivious Chrissie in tow. I know you were still with Veronica when we first started, but it was completely different. We never hung out just us three. Chrissie and Freddie are virtually friends.”

John pursed his lips in response. “I’m still sensing judgement.”

Roger groaned in response. “Fine, I’ll try to behave.”

John raised his eyebrows at Roger’s choice of words. They didn’t inspire much encouragement.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roger is me every time I see one of my friends making a mistake or doing something that I don't think is wise and I'm desperate to get involved even though I know I shouldn't lol. Love Roger so much haha! :) But I have a feeling John might be right in this situation. What do you all think? Let me know! :D Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I shall update it again on Friday night. It's a very cute chapter coming up, so keeps your eyes peeled haha. Thanks for reading! :D


	24. Mother Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the notes at the bottom carefully please! :)

“You sure about this?”

Roger turned his head to stare at him worriedly. It made John smile.

Surprisingly, John didn’t feel any of the nerves he knew Roger had felt at telling his parents. Of course John was uncertain about how his mother might react, but he wanted to be honest. He was ready to face her, with Roger by his side.

John answered by entwining their fingers together. “I’m sure.”

They’d chosen to head up to Leicester a couple of weeks after visiting Roger’s parents. They’d initially agreed to wait to tell John’s mother, but the date for the christening was drawing ever closer. It gave them the incentive to start telling those closest to them, especially now that Roger’s parents knew.

Roger nodded, giving him a small smile. He turned his head towards the back of the car, and his smile grew into a grin. “Laura’s still out cold.”

Laura was strapped into the car seat, her head lolled back, and breathing deeply.

It had been Veronica’s idea for John to take Laura. She thought it would be nice for his mother to meet her granddaughter properly before the christening.

John turned to look at his daughter adoringly. “So I see.”

“Like father, like daughter.” Roger scoffed teasingly. “Ready then?”

John nodded, following his lead in getting out of the car. Roger carefully extracted Laura from her car seat without waking her, and John followed them up the stony garden path.

His mother’s house was just outside of the city. John had brought it for her with what money he had a couple of years ago. It was the house he’d grown up in, but his parents had never earned enough to buy it. So it had meant a lot to her when John finally did. It was where the two of them had lived with his father, and the house had so many memories. It was just unfortunate that John could no longer remember any of those.

“Should we wake her up?” Roger whispered uncertainly as they made it to the front door.

John shook his head, smiling at the way Laura was nestled so easily in Roger’s arms, completely oblivious.

“No, let her sleep for just a little longer.”

Despite his lack of nerves, John had thought that the words might lodge themselves in his throat when his mother appeared at the front door. But he found it easier than he imagined.

She was slightly smaller than John, with short dark hair and kind eyes. She pressed her cardigan further around her and smiled at the sight of John on her doorstep.

“Oh this is a lovely surprise! You should have told me you were coming.”

She stepped forwards, enveloping him into a hug. John smiled against her shoulder, breathing in her floral perfume. He’d missed her more than he’d realised.

“Yeah sorry, I didn’t think about calling ahead. Is this a bad time?”

He should have thought rather than turning up on her doorstep.

She pulled back with a smile, her hands still resting on his arms. “Don’t be silly. I’ve always got time for my son to come and see me. Especially since I know you get so busy with the band. I just meant that I would have made you your favourite meal if I’d have known. It’s still cheese on toast, isn’t it?”

He grinned in response. “You know me too well, Mum.”

“I should think I do by now.” She beamed happily, before her eyes moved past him, into the little bundle in Roger’s arms. “Oh don’t tell me this is Laura! My first grandchild!”

“Yep, this is her.”

She stepped forwards, warmth in her eyes as she ogled the baby, before she looked up at Roger. “And of course it’s lovely to see you too, Roger dear. But my. She’s just lovely, isn’t she? Such a precious little thing.”

“Isn’t she just?” Roger agreed softly, both of them staring at Laura, still sleeping happily. “Sleeps just like her father too. John was telling me he was an easy baby, just like this one.”

“She’s obviously got his genes. He’ll appreciate that as she gets older.” She blinked at the baby, uncertainty in her eyes. “Can I hold her? I’ve been looking forward to getting a cuddle since I found out she was born.”

Roger’s eyes moved towards John, before he replied. “Of course. Maybe it would be best to wait for a bit though. She doesn’t appreciate getting woken up.”

“No, John never did either.” She said with a smile, holding the door open wider. “Well why don’t you both come in and get settled? I’ll put the kettle on. Did you both want tea or coffee?”

“Tea would be quite nice actually.”

Roger smiled as she looked back at him. “Coffee would be great, thank you.”

She nodded, smiling as she nodded to a door in the hallway. “Well go on through to the living room. I’ll bring it through in a moment.”

The house was cosy. There was lots of pictures on the wall of the family. Of John, his mother and father, and of his younger sister, Julie. Roger looked at them all as they passed, especially the ones of John when he was younger. John didn’t mention much about his childhood, and he knew he didn’t like talking about his father that often. So he liked ogling their pictures, imagining in his head what John could have been like as a child.

The living room was nice. It had a couple of sofas and an armchair sat beside a roaring fire, and a small television in front of it. There was a table in the middle, and the sofas were furnished with lots of cushions and a couple of throws.

“It’s nice here.”

“It’s home,” John said earnestly with a smile as he went to sit beside Roger on the sofa. He fingered Laura’s blonde curls softly, adoration in his eyes. “I suppose we’d better start thinking about waking her up, hadn’t we? After she’s come all this way.”

“Yeah, I’ll do it. You can go and see if your Mum wants help if you want?”

John gave him a look in response. “Sure?”

 “Of course Deaky. I’ll manage to soothe her. I always do.”

Roger threw in a wink to show he was teasing, but John could only smile at him in response. Roger as it turned out was amazing with Laura, and as much as he wanted to jokingly disagree with him, he couldn’t find it in him to.

“I know you do.” He gave him a quick peck on the lips before he moved to stand. “I’ll be right back.”

Laura cried as soon as Roger woke her. He paced the living room as she wailed, her small head shifting from side to side on his shoulder, her face blotchy as tears ran down her face. He spent the time humming gently, and eventually she began to calm down.

John rolled his eyes as he headed back into the living room with the tray of drinks. He recognized the tune instantly, even if it was a softer version of the band’s single.

“ _I’m in Love with my Car_ again Rog? Seriously?”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Roger said defensively, as he watched John set the tray down on the coffee table. “Besides she likes that one. It soothes her quicker than _You’re My Best Friend_.”

“Yes well. I think that’s more to do with my singing ability than anything else.” John said dismissively as he sat on the sofa and watched Roger continue to hum. “Has she had her feed yet?”

“No, not yet. Thought I’d ask your Mum if she wanted to do that.”

As if on cue, John’s mother headed back into the living room with a tray of sugar and milk in her hands. She set it down and then looked back at Roger and Laura expectantly, eagerness in her eyes.

Roger smiled in response. “She’s due a feed. Did you want to hold her whilst I go and warm the milk up?”

“Oh I’d love to.”

He passed Laura over to Lillian, and grabbed the bottle of milk from the cool bag he’d brought in with him, before disappearing from the room. Lillian moved to sit beside John, cooing over Laura every so often as the two of them caught up on everything going on within their lives.

“She really is lovely, John. Such a happy little baby too.”

“I know. I got lucky really.” He said with a smile, still gazing adoringly at Laura.

“It’s nice of Roger to come down here with you.” Lillian said offhand. “I know the band is close, but you all seem to have such busy lives. It’s good that he made the effort to be here for you today. That’s the sign of a good friend.”

“It is, yeah.”

“I’ve always thought he seemed like a good friend.” She said fondly, turning to look at John for a moment. “Especially in the early days. I know you were worried about not fitting in. The three have quite big personalities from what I remember from the times I’ve met them.”

“And just look at us now,” John said softly. “But you’re right. In fact even now, if we’re ever on tour, and I get last minute nerves, it’s usually Roger who’ll pull me aside and reassure me that I’m not alone out there. That it’s the four of us, you know. I always find that really comforting actually.”

“That’s nice of him. I can only imagine how nerve wracking it can be. But you still seem to be doing well. The band, I mean.”

“Yeah we are.”

“That’s good then,” she smiled. “It’s good to have the opportunity to do the things that you enjoy.”

Roger appeared through the doorway, smiling softly as he noticed the way Lillian was sat with Laura in her lap.

“Here you go. I’ve tested it on my hand already so it should be cool enough for her to drink by now.”

“Oh,” Lillian said in surprise as he handed her the bottle, before moving to sit on the sofa next to theirs. “Are you aiming for the role of godfather? It’s nice that John has such kind friends to help him transition into being a father.”

“Oh erm…” Roger trailed off, his eyes automatically moving towards John. Then he shrugged nervously. “Well you know. It’d be nice to be at least thought of. Especially as Laura’s so easy. Not all babies have that temperament.”

“No they definitely don’t,” Lillian agreed with a short laugh. “Julie was the virtual opposite of John. Never slept through the night, cried until she was pink in the face, and only stopped when she tired herself out. Of course we loved her the same, but we were exhausted by the time we got to the terrible two’s.”

“I can believe it,” Roger said with a smile.

“I’m sure the aim of the firstborn is to lull you into a false security.”

“We’ll bear that in mind for future reference.” Roger said automatically, sharing a small laugh at his mother’s words.

Lillian watched him curiously in response, and Roger saw John turn his head to look at him in the corner of his eyes. This was a conversation they hadn’t had yet, not since they’d been together. Roger wasn’t stupid. Whether he’d wanted children or not, he knew it was out of the question for them as a couple. But he’d said it without thinking, before his brain could catch up and realise that saying something like that might not have been the best idea he’d had.

“Any plans on settling down then, Roger?”

It was meant as harmless curiosity, he knew that. How could it be anything other when she didn’t know about them yet?

His eyes found Johns again. His nervousness was reflected back in his eyes. Roger quickly thought of a response, wondering if all of this might have been too soon for John.

“Maybe eventually. Who knows what’s round the corner, right?”

She nodded her head in agreement. “John was just saying that the band is still doing well. That’s good news. You must be pleased.”

“We’re just in the midst of finishing up another album actually.”

“That’s brilliant news,” she smiled. “I suppose that doesn’t leave you much time, does it? To go out courting, I mean?”

Roger had just lifted his cup to take a sip of his coffee, and choked in the process. He coughed a few times, his eyes watering, and Lillian gave him time to compose himself.

“Sorry about that.”

“Oh, don’t be silly, it’s fine. I probably just surprised you with my question. I can be a little to the point at times. Or so John tells me.”

John shared a small, uncertain smile around his cup of tea as he lifted it to take a sip.

“Don’t feel the need to answer that if it makes you feel uncomfortable either—”

“That’s actually erm…kind of the reason Roger’s here.”

John finally spoke, his face brightening as he stuttered out a response. He put down his cup down again. Lillian looked between them, confusion in her eyes.

“Oh? You off to meet someone after you leave here?”

“No…not exactly.” Roger said uncertainly.

Lillian frowned in response, now looking more confused than ever.

“So me and Veronica are definitely finished. We met up a few weeks before the baby was born and we both agreed to get along for the baby, but just as friends.”

“And I still say that it seems rather silly, considering how much it sounded like the two of you got along. You’ve got a baby together now too—”

“I know, I know, but there was a reason why we broke up in the first place. That still stands.”

“Okay. And what was that reason exactly? You never did tell me properly.”

“No,” John agreed quietly, keeping his gaze locked on the pictures on the wall on the other side of the room. It would be easier not to see his mother’s expression. Or so he hoped. “Me and Roger are…we’re actually in a relationship. As in…we’re courting.”

It felt strange describing it like that, but his mother had always been a little old-fashioned in terms of her vocabulary.

He kept his gaze ahead, even when she remained silent for so long. Roger watched her from the corner of his eyes, watching Lillian put aside the bottle of milk and bop the baby up and down on her knee to keep her happy.

“Right. I assume Veronica knows about all of this, does she?”

“Yes, she does.” John replied quietly.

John didn’t volunteer details about how or when she found out. He got the sense from her expression that he didn’t need to.

“This is a bit of a shock.”

“I know,” John sighed softly, finally turning to look at his mother. She was watching him with concern. “But things just…happened. There was always something. But I’d ignored it. Or used excuses. Like needing to put the band first, especially when we were just starting out. And then, I didn’t want to risk straining our friendship. Plus, I didn’t even know whether he felt the same, and I was too scared to find out—”

“But I did, I always had.” Roger quickly interjected.

“Right. And then it was Roger who made the first move over Christmas. Told me how he felt.”

“Whilst you were still with Veronica?”

“Unfortunately so,” John said quietly. “Anyway, that’s about it really. Cut a long story short, Veronica and I had a long conversation after Laura was born. Veronica agreed that it was right for Roger to be involved from birth. I know it won’t be the most conventional family set-up, but at least she won’t grow up knowing any different.”

“That’s valiant of you both. But as normal as you’re trying to pretend this situation is, there’ll come a day that Laura will realise it isn’t. Somebody will say something. She’ll overhear it. Whether that’s at nursery or school, or at the park, or even just the three of you walking down the street.”

“I know,” John said, nodding at Roger. “We know all of this already.”

“And yet, you’ve decided you’re going to give all of this a go anyway, have you?”

“Yes, so to speak.” Roger added softly. “Because we shall talk to her when we feel she’s ready to hear it. We’ll go through it all properly so that she’ll know what to expect. Obviously, we’ll word it in a way that she can understand. At least that way she’ll be prepared about what she might have to deal with by hearing it from us first.”

They’d already had this chat. Before they’d met either of each other’s parents, they’d gone over everything about what the future could hold for the three of them.

Lilian nodded, watching the two of them closely. Roger found it a little unnerving.

“Sounds like the two of you have been thinking ahead already. Do you think this could last then?”

“Of course.”

“We wouldn’t be doing all of this if we didn’t think it would.” John agreed quickly.

“Look, you two have always been close. Anyone with half a brain could see that. And it’s lovely that things have developed between you. But I just worry about the effect it might have on Laura, especially if things do end up going wrong between you.”

“I know. But we wouldn’t have risked everything if we didn’t think this was important.”

“Yeah, and look,” Roger added. “Obviously neither of us have the power to look into the future and know for certain what’s going to happen. But as far as I’m concerned, we love each other and we’re willing to try and make this work.”

John nodded in agreement quickly.

“And as lovely as it is that the two of you seem to share this sense of willpower to make this relationship work, I’ve still got my doubts.” She said, giving Roger an uncertain look. “I’ve heard that you’ve got an eye for the ladies, Roger. Seen it myself too more than a handful of times.”

“Yeah, I’ve been known to have a wondering eye. So has John. And Freddie. He has an eye for both men and women actually, as I’m sure you already know. Oh, and even Brian. But it’s in the past. For both of us. I was mainly doing it out of boredom anyway.”

She raised her eyebrows at that, and he shrugged in response.

“It’s true. I never felt anything for any of the women I’ve been with before. Not like how I feel for John. I wouldn’t risk doing anything to hurt him.”

“No, not intentionally, I’m sure.” Lillian said carefully.

“I get your reservations. Freddie and Brian had them too. Because they know what I could be like. But I love your son, honestly I do. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.”

That seemed to finally convince Lillian. She offered a small smile at the conviction behind his words.

“Call me mad, but I actually believe you.”

“Good,” John said quickly with a smile. “Because we came to give you this too.”

John reached inside his jacket pocket and handed his mother the invitation. She took it with some scepticism in her eyes as she read the card carefully. “You’re getting Laura christened?”

“We wanted to make it official.” John said with a smile as he took a sip of his tea.

“Plus, John knew how much it would mean to you to get her christened. That was something both John and Veronica had wanted for Laura actually.”

“Absolutely. It’s the right thing to do. Is your family coming along too, Roger?”

His smile dropped at her question, clearing his throat uncomfortably under her gaze. “It remains…doubtful. With it being so soon.”

“That’s unfortunate.”

“Yeah well,” Roger said quietly, dropping his gaze to the table. “I doubt they’d want to be there even if they could make it.”

“Well that is a shame. Then again, you never know.” Lillian offered vaguely with a shrug. “They might come around in time.”

He doubted that, but he didn’t want to ruin today with his pessimism.

“Having said that, I’d love to be there at least. Thank you both for inviting me.”

John smiled in response, relaxing a little more now that that was out of the way. The three of them caught up properly after that, all still cooing over Laura. It meant the world to John that Roger could be included in all of that now.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could so imagine John's Mum being all cute like that! :) This might be the last time I update in a while as I've virtually caught up with my writing now, but I shall try to keep updating regularly when I can as I live for your feedback! :D Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what you thought.


	25. Nevermore

“Do I look alright?”

John had spent the last five minutes looking in the mirror as he fiddled with his tie.

Roger looked up from the magazine he was reading. It was the latest edition of _Car_ magazine, discussing the latest supercars. He’d not really been reading it anyway. This was the third time John had asked Roger if he looked alright. John didn’t usually care that much unless he was on-stage. Today was different. He rolled his eyes, discarding the magazine, and swinging both feet round and off the side of the bed.

“Yes. You look fine. For the third time.”

John met Roger’s eyes sheepishly in the mirror. “Sorry. You know I’m…not used to wearing a suit.”

“If it makes you feel any better, you look ridiculously hot in one.”

John flushed under the heat of Roger’s gaze as he went back to fiddling with his tie, trying to straighten it. “Stop it. I know you’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“I’m really not.”

Roger stepped in front of him, and he let Roger’s hands replace his around his tie. John blinked, watching as Roger’s forehead creased in concentration. Both of them usually only bothered to wear a suit if they had a meeting with management, or an important social event. John would have rather worn a nice shirt and trousers, but he wanted to look extra-smart. He wanted them both to.

It wasn’t every day your daughter got christened after all.

“And if it wasn’t for the fact that we have to be at the church in…” Roger trailed off, stopping to look at his watch. “half an hour, I’d have already dragged you over to our bed and showed you just how much I like you in a suit.”

John’s face grew red at that, and he smiled, enjoying the way Roger called it _our bed_.

Roger had virtually moved in over the last couple of months. It started with him sleeping over occasionally, usually when he was too tired to drive home after they’d had sex, or they’d had a few drinks and he couldn’t be bothered to get a taxi. And then slowly, more of his things began to appear each time he came over, until eventually, John cleared out a couple of drawers for Roger’s clothes, and told him he could use the wardrobe too.

“Wait,” John said, stepping back once Roger had finished. His eyes grew wider. “Did you say half an hour?”

Roger rolled his eyes again. “Oh relax. We’ve got loads of time.”

“We really haven’t,” John scoffed, panic setting in. They couldn’t be late, not to this.

“Chill Deaky. It’s only five minutes in the car.”

“Yes, but that’s not taking in any traffic.”

John began to flit around the room, automatically tidying away the magazine Roger had been reading. Roger could be a little untidy at times. The amount of times he’d come home to find Roger’s clothes thrown all over the bedroom, the washing up piled high, or towels on the bathroom floor. But he’d known what Roger was like already from sharing a room with him on tour. And before that, when the band had lived together in the early days.

He could accept a little untidiness. He actually found himself missing him on the rare nights where Roger went back to his.

John paused, noticing Roger watching him panic with a smile. Roger definitely looked good in a suit. He was wearing a classic white shirt, black jacket and a blue tie. John noticed how it matched his eyes.

“You look handsome.”

Handsome was an understatement. John thought Roger was almost too beautiful to be real at times. Seeing him at his most vulnerable proved that. John didn’t think there was anything more incredible than seeing Roger come apart when they were intimate. He still couldn’t believe he was actually his. Not when things were so good.

“I don’t scrub up too badly, do I?”

He spoke so casually, but the sheepish smile he wore gave away his delight at John calling him handsome.

“Amazing what a bit of soap and shampoo can do.”

Roger rolled his eyes at John’s teasing. “Say what you like Deaky. But I know for a fact that if we had more time you’d _ask no more questions and enjoy today_. You know…like in that adorable song you wrote about me.”

John snorted at the look Roger gave him, throwing in a wink for good measure. He was suddenly regretting having wrote a second song about the arrogant git. He clearly hadn’t learned his lesson the first time.

“Yes, yes, I understood the reference. Now hurry up and get ready otherwise we really will be late!”

John managed to bundle Roger into the car five minutes later. Roger had been dragging his heels a little if he was being honest. Unusually for him, he was feeling nervous. Not that he’d have told John that. So he’d used flirtation to distract him instead.

It would be the first event that they would attend as a couple. And it would be in the midst of Veronica and John’s families. Possibly Roger’s, but that would only be if they could showed up. And Roger couldn’t see that happening. They’d both made their feelings clear over the relationship.

It was a beautiful church, set on the outskirts of London. It wasn’t the biggest in the area, but it was enough to fill their friends and families.

Roger turned off the engine of the car and paused. His hands lingered on the wheel, as he stared ahead at the entrance of the church. People were heading in, chatting amongst themselves as they did.

John sense Roger’s nerves and he leaned over to press a hand to his arm automatically. “Alright?”

Roger nodded, keeping his eyes trained on the doorway of the church. Was it wrong to feel like he was suddenly hyperventilating?

“Yeah, just…give me a minute.”

John murmured an agreement, before turning his head to watch the people arriving too. They stayed like that for a while. And then Veronica suddenly appeared in the doorway, turning her head to look for them. Laura was cradled in her arms, a little bundle of white.

John turned back to Roger. “Ready?”

“I guess.”

John nodded understandingly. He got out the car first, waving to Veronica as he did, before meeting Roger on the other side of the car. He paused, taking Roger’s hand in his and offering a smile of encouragement.

“Come on. Let’s do this together.”

Roger nodded. “Okay.”

Roger let John lead them towards the church, wondering how he could be so calm about today. Or at least, how he could pretend to be.

“There you both are. About time!” Veronica smiled as they got to her side. “I was worried the guests of honour weren’t going to make it at one point.”

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” John said with a smile, brushing a strand of Laura’s blond hair back from her forehead. Veronica had put her in a long lacy white dress. She looked beautiful. Veronica looked nice too. She was wearing a baby pink knee-length chiffon dress, and her hair was loose and layered, resting on her small shoulders. She kept her make-up minimalistic, a dash of blusher, enough mascara to make her eyelashes curl, and a touch of pink lipstick.

“Neither of us would.” Roger added with a smile, completely captivated by the baby in Veronica’s arms. He loved her already. As if she was virtually his.

“That’s what I like to hear, boys.”

“Please tell me Brian managed to get Freddie here on time.”

He’d gathered the band together a week ago under the guise of meeting for a drink. After agreeing it with Roger and Veronica, they’d asked Freddie and Brian to be Laura’s godfathers. They’d both accepted, both seemingly a little surprised. It made perfect sense to Roger and John though. They were their closest friends. Freddie was actually pretty good with babies, Brian was laidback, and the two of them seemed a good contrast. John didn’t think to ask Roger, because as far as he was concerned, Roger had a more important role to play in Laura’s life.

Veronica had let the two of them choose the godfathers, and she had chosen the godmothers.

“Yeah, he did.” Veronica said with a smile. “I got the impression that Brian had to practically drag him here though.”

“No surprise there then.” Roger said with a smile.

“Nope. Do you want to take Laura for a bit, Rog?”

He blinked, having expected her to ask John first. He turned to see John was watching him with a smile. “Don’t you want to hold her first, Deaky?”

“I’ll probably get the chance during the service. Besides, she always seems to settle easier with you.”

“Maybe she’d better go to John then. She’s done nothing but sleep for most of the morning.” Veronica said with a roll of her eyes.

“What did I say? Like father, like daughter.”

“I’m not that bad.” John complained with a pout.

“Sure you’re not.” Roger scoffed. “Anyway, I’d be happy if I was you, Ronnie. Apparently, I was a bit of a wailer when I was a baby. Nothing could get me settled at one stage.”

“ _Was_? You still are, Roger.” John grinned, enjoying the way Roger turned to glare at him.

“I think for today at least, I’d like her to take a leaf out of your book, Rog. At least she’d be awake.” Veronica said with a grin as she passed Laura over to him. “Right, we’d better head in before people wonder where we’ve got to.”

The service was lovely. Roger reluctantly handed Laura over to John when it came to the parents and godparents promise to take care of the baby. Roger was surprised but honoured to realise Veronica had added his name to the parents promise. She called him and John over to stand at the front with everyone. He took it all seriously, repeating the words back to the vicar when prompted.

Once the godparents did the same thing, the vicar touched the baby’s forehead with a type of oil, which was supposed to signify the baby belonging to god.

Laura barely flinched, even when the vicar poured water over the baby’s head to signify her new beginning. Roger smiled proudly, realising she really was John’s child. She was so well-behaved. He’d heard Veronica mention that most babies didn’t usually like that part of the christening.

Roger noticed that people were staring as they left the church. He hadn’t noticed when he’d been stood next to John at the front. He’d been too busy gazing at Laura. He told themselves it was probably because they recognized them, and not because he was stood so closely to John.

He tried to put it to the back of his mind as he drove him and John to the reception. It was being held at a hotel not far from the church. Veronica thought it would be ideal should anyone need to stay for the night.

It was an old building, and looked a little like a castle from the outside. They’d booked up the function room. It had been set up by Veronica and looked lovely. There were pink and white flowers in vases on the tables, and pink seat covers on the chairs. The cake had three tiers and had floating butterflies going around the side and finishing on the top tier. The room had been set up for the disco later, and there was a buffet of food spread out on a long table in the corner of the room.

Roger was just starting to feel comfortable as he headed to the bar with John, Freddie, Brian and Chrissie.

“That was a lovely service, Deaky.” Brian spoke up after he ordered a round of drinks.

“Yeah it was,” Chrissie agreed quickly with a smile. She had hold of Laura now, the baby fast asleep in her arms as Chrissie gazed down at her. “Really lovely.”

John smiled and thanked them as he looked between Brian, Chrissie and Freddie. Chrissie was all smiles as she and Brian cooed over Laura. Freddie was staring off into the distance, unusually quiet.

Veronica noticed them stood at the bar and headed over.

“Hey everyone,” she smiled at everyone as she went to stand besides Roger. “Have I mentioned that my second cousin on my mother’s side really wants to meet you? She’s a fan of the blonde hair, blue eyed type. Not to mention she’s a big fan of Queen. She’ll kill me if I don’t at least try and introduce you to her.”

“I’ll pass. I still enjoy a flirt as much as the next man, but what can I say? Deaky’s all the man I need.”

She grinned as she watched Roger plant a kiss on John’s cheek. John pretended to roll his eyes in response, but his cheeks were a little flushed.

“Oh, put him down Rog.”

“He’s only doing it to get into my good graces. There’s a pile of washing up at mine with his name on it.” John replied to Freddie with a smile.

“Thanks for the reminder, Deaky,” Roger grumbled sourly, before turning to look at Freddie. “There’s plenty of love to go around Fred, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Freddie shrugged as Roger winked at him, a smile in his eyes as he held up his glass.

“Maybe once I’ve had a few more of these dear. And if Deaky doesn’t mind sharing of course.”

“Not one bit. You can have him for the weekend if you’d like, Fred.”

Roger pretended to glower at John. “You’d miss my sparkling personality and you know it.”

“Sure, _sparkling_ ,” he snickered jokingly, knowing it would wind Roger up further.

“Oh by the way, dear,” Freddie said, looking towards Chrissie. “Going back to introductions, I don’t suppose you have any young, hot male cousins gagging for a bit of—”

“Get to the point, Freddie.” John warned with a sigh. He dreaded to think what Freddie might have come out with next.

“Not cousins, no.” Veronica frowned thoughtfully. Then she smiled. “But I know a friend of a friend is here and he’s pretty nice looking. And more importantly, _gay_.”

Freddie instantly cheered up at that, waving his hand forwards. “Lead the way then, darling.”

Roger grinned as Freddie flounced off with Veronica, the two of them chatting animatedly between themselves.

“That’s him happy.”

John offered a small smile, catching the way Brian had his head turned. He was watching Veronica lead Freddie over to a table at the back of the room, his face neutral.

John turned back to Roger. “What did you think of the service anyway?”

Veronica had arranged most of today, but she’d included them both in everything. It had been her idea to have Roger stand at the front with the parents and godparents, and for him to be mentioned alongside John and Veronica as a guardian. She had said it had only felt right for the two of them to be such a big part of Laura’s day.

“It was lovely, Deaky. Really it was. I was honoured to be mentioned in the service too.”

“That was Veronica’s idea.” John said with a smile. “What did you think of the hymns? Veronica didn’t want anything too religious being added in.”

“Yeah…they were nice. But you know me. I’m not really into hymns. Never been big on church either. No matter how many times my Mum would drag me to Sunday service. I used to tune the service out, and pretend I was playing drums at home instead.”

“Yeah that sounds like you.” John smirked. “Weren’t there any girls there for you to chat up?”

“Some. Not enough to keep me distracted for long.”

“Right. So nothing on the same level as hundreds of groupies throwing themselves at you now then.”

“It’s hard to believe but my church wasn’t that rock and roll, so no.”

“Funny that.” John grinned, playing along with Roger.

They headed off to go and sit with Brian and Chrissie for a while. To make conversation, John was asking Chrissie how the redecorating was going. Brian listened quietly, smiling at certain things she said. She had one hand on his leg, and Laura was snuggled on her other arm. Brian kept turning his head every now and again, his eyes flickering back at Freddie, sat a few tables away.

He was with the guy Veronica had introduced him to.

He was good-looking. He had tanned skin, mousy hair and dark eyes. He had high cheekbones, and the shirt he was wearing was fitted to his body.

They seemed to be getting on well.

They were sat close to each other, and Freddie was laughing at something the guy said every so often. The guy was resting a hand on Freddie’s arm.

“You two ready to meet everyone?”

John looked round in surprise, noticing that Veronica had headed over to their table. “Absolutely.”

Veronica nodded before turning to smile at Chrissie still holding Laura. “Aww, you’re a natural with her. Just think. It’ll probably be the two of you having all this next.”

“I’m not sure know about that just yet.” Chrissie said with a nervous laugh.

“She’s right. That’s on the backburner at the moment. What with all of Chrissie’s redecorating plans at the moment.”

“You complain like you don’t secretly love it, Bri,” Chrissie said with a smile. “Besides it’ll all be worth it when it’s finished.”

“I bet. I’ll look forward to seeing it all.” Veronica said with a smile, and Chrissie grinned back in response.

“That’ll be nice. We was thinking of inviting everyone round once it’s all finished actually.”

“Sounds good. Would you mind if I stole Laura back? I’d better show her off whilst we’re doing the rounds.”

“Of course.”

Chrissie handed Laura back over to Veronica. Her gaze lingered on Laura for a moment, longing in her eyes, and then she dropped her gaze.

John and Veronica followed Veronica round the room as she introduced them to everyone. It took ages, but they finally managed to escape and go and sit with John’s Mum for a little bit. Veronica’s second cousin on her mother’s side _Cheryl_ , had bumped into them a few times on the way round, and made it more than obvious that true to Veronica’s words, she had a thing for the _blonde hair, blue eyed type_. John returned the favour by making it clear that him and Roger had more important people to be talking to. John was never one to be rude, but he didn’t like the way Cheryl kept finding excuses to touch Roger’s arm, or his shoulder, or the way she brushed against him as she walked past. It all seemed a little desperate if you asked John. They eventually managed to sneak outside to go and have a quiet cigarette before they got caught by anyone else.

“I didn’t think we’d actually manage to escape.”

John nodded in agreement as he passed Roger his lighter. “I know. I thought sure we wouldn’t get out without _Cheryl_ pouncing again.”

Cheryl was far prettier than John had liked to imagine when Veronica mentioned her earlier in the day. She was their age, with long brown hair and blue eyes. She was tall and slim, and wore a dress which left very little to the imagination, and showed off her long, tanned legs. Not that John had been scrutinizing her or anything.

Roger grinned, hearing the irritation in John’s voice for himself. “Do I hear a hint of jealousy in your voice, Deaky?”

“No,” John scoffed. “Maybe a little irritation at being a third-wheel.”

“Of course. And not at all because a woman under the age of thirty who happens to be mildly attractive—”

John lifted his gaze, his eyes revealing his lack of delight at hearing Roger say that, but he quickly continued before John could say anything.

“I only said _mildly_ attractive. So as I was saying, you’re not jealous that a mildly attractive woman practically wants to rip my clothes off given half the chance.”

“No. She’s welcome to you as far as I’m concerned.”

Roger grinned at the sourness in John’s voice, watching him take a long drag of his cigarette as he avoided Roger’s gaze.

“Deaky, Deaky, _Deaky_ ,” Roger sighed, stepping closer so that he could wrap his free arm around John’s waist to pull him against him. “If it helps, it wouldn’t matter to me how attractive she was. No woman holds a candle to you, John. You do realise that I don’t even look at anyone else anymore, right?” 

John frowned in response. “What do you mean?”

“I’m only interested in you,” Roger said simply, spelling it out for him. “Especially not since I’ve had the absolute pleasure of seeing you naked and withering underneath me. You’ve officially ruined me for anyone else.”

John’s face grew red at Roger’s words, mumbling an embarrassed _behave_. But Roger tasted success as John bent his head to give Roger a kiss on the lips. Then Roger stepped back, a smirk on his face. But John’s eyes had fallen behind him, and his smile had grown more serious.

Roger turned his head curiously. Brian and Freddie were outside too, stood a little distance away. Freddie had a cigarette in his hand, his expression tense as he stood with his back against the wall. Brian was hovering over him, despite Freddie smoking. His hand was leaning against the wall next to Freddie’s head as the two of them shared a look. They barely seemed to notice Roger and John stood nearby.

“Everything alright?”

Brian practically jumped at the sound of Roger’s voice, stepping away from Freddie with a guilty expression on his face.

Freddie was quicker at controlling his expression. He painted on a smile as he noticed the two of them. “Of course dear. Me and Brian were just talking about how nice everyone has been.”

John nodded as he inhaled his cigarette. “Yeah, it’s been a nice day, hasn’t it?”

Roger looked between Freddie and Brian evenly. “You not keeping Chrissie company, Bri? Given that she’s your plus one after all.”

Brian looked at Roger as he said that, his expression careful. “Yes. I just came outside to get some air.”

Roger nodded, lifting his cigarette to take a long drag. He knew he’d promised John that he’d try to behave, but he didn’t feel right not saying anything when Brian and Freddie were virtually all over each other when Chrissie was sat not so far away. And on today of all days.

He gave Brian a disbelieving look. “Sure you did.”

John cleared his throat nervously, as Brian frowned at Roger, and Freddie stared at them both, confusion in his eyes.

“Veronica said she’ll cut the cake in a bit, after everybody’s had a chance to have some food.”

Freddie painted on a smile as he reached for his own packet of cigarettes. “Perfect. I won’t say no to a bit of cake.”

“I’d better head back inside.” Brian said quietly, avoiding Roger’s gaze as he headed past him and John.

Roger had been tempted to reply with someone like _yes, back to your wife_ , but he bit his tongue at the look John was giving him.

Freddie gave Roger a long look as he caught him shaking his head at something. “What’s got you so pissed?”

John was giving Roger a warning look as he opened his mouth to reply. Roger rolled his eyes in response. He believed that Freddie should be told that John and Roger knew about him and Brian, otherwise it would have looked as if they’d been gossiping about the two of them if Freddie found out by overhearing them talking about it.

John didn’t quite share that view.

“Look, we know about—”

“Roger had an argument with Brian about album stuff—”

Roger and John both spoke at the same time, and Roger gave him a look as if to say _really_? He sighed, turning back to see Freddie looking between them more confused than ever.

“The truth is that we know about you and Brian. Doesn’t matter how, but that’s why I’ve been making…snide comments here and there.”

Freddie blinked, surprise in his eyes. His face had grown a little redder in response, and John cleared his throat again as the silence enveloped the three of them. He looked around, making sure it was still just them outside before he offered Freddie an uncertain smile, seeing that he didn’t seem to know how to respond to that revelation.

“We won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about. Will we Roger?”

He turned his head, offering Roger a firm look. He shook his head quickly in response.

“No, of course we won’t. This remains between the band, nobody else. Not Reid, Prenter, anyone.”

 “Right. And I appreciate that.” Freddie nodded in response. “But are you going to keep riling Brian up by making comments like that? Because that isn’t going to help, and to be honest? This is neither of your business. So I’d appreciate it if you could both stay out of it, no matter what opinions you might or might not have.”

“I do agree. Unless you do something to risk the band, we stay out of it. Roger and I both agreed on that at least, didn’t we?”

Roger frowned as both John and Freddie turned to look at him expectantly, but forced a nod in response. “I suppose we did.”

“Good. Then we’re all on the same page.” Freddie said seriously.

“Yes, but you have to see how fucked up this is.” Roger said before he could stop himself. John could only groan in response as Freddie looked at him with wide eyes. “For the two of you to be carrying on underneath Chrissie’s nose—”

“What did I just say?” John hissed under his breath, loud enough for at least Roger to hear.

“As I’ve just said, this is none of your business, Rog. Besides, neither of you are exactly in a position to judge, are you?”

“But the difference is that John wasn’t married to Veronica—”

“Can you two at least try and keep your voices down—”

Freddie huffed in response, folding his arms across his chest. “Oh well that makes what you did fucking justified, does it? Besides, we’ve all had our fair share of fucks whilst we’re on tour, so what’s the difference—”

“The difference is that this isn’t on tour, and besides this is _Brian_ we’re talking about—”

“That’s enough!” John hissed, placing himself between Roger and Freddie before things could escalate any further. Freddie was practically foaming at the mouth, eyes wide, and Roger’s eyebrows were furrowed in anger. He hated them fighting at the best of times. It was bad enough when it was petty arguments in the studio. This was a whole different ballgame. If he didn’t step in, things were bound to get said, and John couldn’t stand around and watch that happening. Especially not on today of all days.

“If you two carrying on arguing like this, not only will you say things you regret, but people will overhear. Chrissie of all people could end up hearing all of this. Is that what you both want?”

He looked at Roger pointedly, who frowned, but reluctantly shook his head. Freddie gave a small nod, his face still flushed as he stepped back. John took that as a win, and moved back from between them, breathing a sigh of relief at their agreement.

“This is not the time or the place to be discussing this. Maybe the best thing to do would be to sit down in a couple of days’ time, and talk about this in a calm manner. No judgement, no lashing out, and no raised voices. We sit down properly and talk about this like grown adults, agreed?”

“Fine,” Roger shrugged.

“Yes fine, agreed.”

“Right,” John sighed. “Now if you two don’t mind, I’m going back in there and spending the rest of the day focusing on what I should be focusing on.”

With that, he stormed off to head back inside, giving them one final, loaded look before he went.

Freddie stubbed out his cigarette, offering Roger a meek smile. “I think that’s us two told off.”

Roger snorted in response. “Yeah. That’s John for you. You know how much he hates It when any of us argue.”

“I know.” Freddie frowned guiltily. “Sorry for getting defensive.”

Roger looked at him from underneath his lashes. “Sorry for being judgemental.”

“No, I get it. You two are going to have your opinions on this. But this is awkward enough for the two of us, without feeling worried about whether you’re going to blurt something out in front of the wrong person, accidentally or not.”

“I know, and I get that,” Roger insisted quietly, watching Freddie carefully. “But I said all that out of genuine concern, for you and for Brian. I just…I don’t want to see either of you hurt.”

“And there was me thinking you didn’t give a shit, Rog.” Freddie tried to joke, but then he nodded at the serious look Roger gave him. “I know you only said all of that because you care. But…me and Brian…we both need to figure out what this all means ourselves. You said it yourself that he’s…” he trailed off, making sure there was nobody coming out of the door. “ _married_ , but this hasn’t just come about from nowhere. Like you say, this is _Brian_. Whatever happens next, I know we need to think of our friendship first. Which means being careful about where things go from here.”

Roger nodded, digesting everything Freddie said.

“Okay. Well I’ll try and keep my opinions to myself from now on, I promise.” Roger said. Whatever he thought, Freddie was right. He needed to trust that Brian and Freddie would deal with this themselves, without any help or opinions from anyone else. It would only make John more angry at him for opening his mouth and getting involved too. He just hoped that things would straighten themselves eventually between his two friends, whatever happened.

Freddie gave a thankful smile, resting his hand on Roger’s arm. “Thank you, Rog.”

o-o-o

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter was worth the wait! Let me know what you think and I shall update as soon as I can. I have missed all of your amazing reviews, so look forward to reading what you thought of everything that happened in this chapter. :D


	26. All God's People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I'm back! First of all, can I just apologize

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I'm back! First of all, can I just apologize for not updating this chapter any sooner. I've been trying to write this story as quickly as I can so that I don't have to make you all wait each time for long, lengths of time for an update. Also, I struggle with anxiety and stress sometimes. It's nothing too severe, but it's something that can put me back at times in terms of progressing this story. Anyway, I hope this chapter was worth the wait! Enjoy and please let me know what you thought of it. There are some love, adorable Roger and John moments in this one which I truly loved writing. Of course it wouldn't be a story without a little drama so there is some of that in there, but there's some adorable fluffiness thrown in there too. :D

Roger found John at the bar, drinking a bottle of beer. He gave Roger a look as he approached him.

“Well. So much for not sharing your opinion on the matter.”

“Oh relax, it’s all forgotten about. Me and Freddie had a talk.” Roger said as he collared the barmaid and ordered himself a glass of whiskey.

“Yeah? What was said?”

“We both apologized for a start. Him for getting defensive and me for being judgemental.” He explained at John’s confused look. “I told him that I didn’t want to see either of them hurt, which I don’t. We both don’t, I know that.”

“Of course we don’t.” John agreed quickly. “That doesn’t mean we should be getting involved in all of this.”

“Freddie said that the two of them needed to figure out what this thing is between them first. Anyway, the point is that I promised to try and keep my opinions to myself.”

John sighed in relief as the barmaid set down Roger’s glass of whiskey. Roger thanked her, handing her a five pound note as John stared at Roger with a fond look in his eyes.

“Well done for being the bigger person and apologizing. That goes for both of you actually. I was convinced you two were far too stubborn to reach a solution on this.”

Roger huffed, even though he knew John was right. Him and Freddie was too alike at times.

“Just proves I can still surprise you sometimes.”

John was still watching Roger fondly as he replied. “Trust me Rog, you virtually always manage to surprise me.”

Roger smiled, deciding that he definitely liked the way John was looking at him. Perhaps he’d try and surprise him more often. He cleared his throat, lifting his glass as his cheeks reddened with colour. Once he’d composed himself a little more, he turned back to John and winked at him. “In a good way I hope, love.”

John shivered at the roughness of Roger’s voice and the endearment. “That goes without saying.”

Roger instantly felt his ego inflate. He liked having that effect on John. It was something he’d never get bored of, he was sure.

“I meant what I said though. About not giving your opinion. I know you only do it because you care, but it’ll only make things worse. In the long run.”

“Okay fine,” Roger reluctantly agreed with a sigh. “But I still think I’m right about what I said. About it being fucked-up.”

John rolled his eyes. “Congratulations. You managed to step off that high horse for all of five seconds. That’s a record for you. Besides whether you’re right or not, it doesn’t mean you need to be the one to _say_ it.”

Roger turned his head, hiding his frown as he caught sight of Brian and Chrissie, their heads close together as they talked. Chrissie’s hand was still on Brian’s leg, and his arm was around the back of her chair. Roger turned back to see John watching him, a wary look in his eyes. “Just look at the way he is with Chrissie now. As if nothing’s happened. He was all over Fred less than half an hour ago—”

“He wasn’t all over Fred—”

John stopped at the look Roger gave him, before frowning in response. “Okay, so maybe he was stood a little close to him, but I’ll say it again, it’s not our place to get involved. Regardless of what we think. Let them make their own mistakes and we’ll be there for them if they decide they need us. Otherwise, it’ll just make an atmosphere.”

“But there’s already an atmosphere, Deaky. We all noticed it at the studio the other day. So it won’t take long for Chrissie to notice too, will it?” Roger looked round again to see Chrissie waving Freddie over to her and Brian’s table with a smile. “Then his marriage really will be fucked-up.”

John offered a one-shouldered shrug in response as he waved the barmaid over. “Again. Not our problem. And as for me, I could do with another drink.”

“Me too actually,” Roger said, finishing the rest of his whiskey.

“Good. You might actually dance with me if you have a few more.” John said with a hopeful smile.

Roger barely resisted groaning in response. He hated dancing. But he’d put up with it for John’s sake. If only for the opportunity to have his arse grinding up against him. He gave a smile instead.

“I’d better make mine a double in that case.”

They remained at the bar for a while before heading back to sit with John’s Mum again. They hadn’t seen much of her over the course of the day, and Roger felt a little bad. Not that she looked as if she minded. She had Laura on her lap now. Lillian kept her entertained by rocking her on her knee and making funny faces at her. Laura watched her with wide eyes, a slight smile on her face.

Then Abba came on, and Roger sighed as John stared at him expectantly.

“You’ve got to give me this one.”

“We’re supposed to be keeping your Mum company. It’s a bit rude if we just swan off and leave her on her own.”

John gave him a look as if to say _I know you’re only using that as an excuse,_ which was partly true, but Roger also meant what he said. They hadn’t spent much time with her. Veronica had been back and forth to keep her company when she could, but she was off talking to a friend at the moment.

“I’m fine. Go ahead and have some fun, you two.” Lillian leaned towards them to say. Then she looked at Laura with a smile. “Besides, I’m not on my own. I’ve got Laura to keep me company.”

“Well only if you don’t mind. And only to keep this one happy.” Roger added with a roll of his eyes.

“Aww, you really do love me.” John said with fondness in his voice as he leaned over to give Roger a kiss on the cheek.

Roger covered up his blush with a pretend-winch as he gave John a pointed look. “How much have you had to drink again?”

“Enough to realise what an amazing boyfriend, you are.”

Lillian was looking between them, happiness in her eyes, as Roger gave a quiet laugh. His face reddened as he pushed his hair back from his face as he gave John a wink, enjoying John’s gaze. “Flattery will get you everywhere, Deaky.”

“That’s the idea. Now come on, dance with me Rog!”

Lillian laughed as John grabbed for Roger’s hand, tasting success in the way Roger hesitated. “Go on, you’d better keep him happy. He’s always had a soft spot for Abba.”

“Some things never change.” Roger pretended to complain as he let John pull him towards the dancefloor.

Freddie squealed when he realised he’d been joined on the dancefloor by Roger and John. He’d been off dancing with virtually everyone for most of the evening. He’d even managed to drag Veronica and Chrissie up for a dance at one point too. Though John suspected the last one was more to do with the fact that Brian hated dancing possibly more than Roger.

“Yay, my favourite bandmates are here. Excluding Brian of course!”

Roger made a face. “Such a compliment. Given that there’s only us three in the bloody band.”

“Hey!” Freddie pouted as he put his arms around Roger and John. “I meant every word of that, I’ll have you know. I absolutely love you two.”

John shot Roger a look over Freddie’s shoulder. “And you accuse me of being drunk.”

Freddie laughed at that. “I’m not drunk darlings! I’m just incredibly merry that’s all. And why shouldn’t I be? It’s not every day his two bandmates celebrate their daughter’s christening.”

“True. It is a special occasion, I’ll give you that, Fred.”

Roger shared a smile with John as he said that.

“Exactly dears,” Freddie said with a satisfied smile, before breaking into a dance as _Jackson Five_ came on suddenly. “Now let’s dance and have a smashing time, darlings!”

Roger laughed loudly as he watched Freddie twirl around them.

John and Roger stood in a circle with Freddie, his arms around them a while later as _The Wailers- No Woman, No Cry_ came on. Freddie had a smile on his face as he swung his hips back and forth to the music. And he kept singing, very loudly. John had spent enough time in Freddie’s company to know that he was definitely at least a little drunk.

“I’ve had a fantastic day, you know darlings.”

Roger smiled fondly at his friend. “Glad to hear that, Fred.”

“I really have. It’s been such a lovely day. Spent with the best friends a guy could ask for.”

John snorted in response as Freddie pressed a kiss to both of their faces. “And you’re not just saying all of this because you’ve had a few too many drinks, of course.”

“No of course not dear!” Freddie insisted with a wounded look. “I’m saying it because I love you both of course.”

“Of course. Even if that is the second time you’ve told us you love us in under half an hour.” Roger replied disbelievingly, sharing a smile with John at their friend’s words.

Freddie shrugged, seemingly unfazed. “Yes well. I wanted to remind you both. Because you’re all so gifted, you know? I feel so lucky to be in a band with such three incredible, kick-arse musicians.”

Roger laughed in response. “Right, well thanks. Feel free to drink as much as you like in the studio if it means you’ll compliment our songs as much as you have tonight.”

“That’s not necessary darlings. I love both of your songs. I always do.”

“We’ll remind you of that once you’ve sobered up a little.” John teased, making Roger laugh in response.

Freddie gave an over-dramatic sigh at that. “For the last time, I’m not—”

“Yes, you’ve said. You’re not drunk. Apparently. And we believe you now as much as the first two times you told us that.” Roger said in an incredibly sarcastic tone.

Freddie’s eyes narrowed as he turned to look at Roger accusingly. “Why do I feel that your tone isn’t genuine?”

“That would be because it’s not.” John grinned.

“Oh for goodness sake dears!”

John and Roger watched a little warily as Freddie removed his arms from around Roger and John, before stumbling forwards. He turned and looked at them expectantly, and Roger bit his lip to stop himself from laughing at the sight of Freddie, hand on his hip, and a sassy look on his face. Those who were still on the dancefloor quickly made a path for him, curious to know what he was about to do. Freddie lapped up the attention with a smile.

“If I’m that drunk, I wouldn’t be able to walk in a straight line, right?”

John’s eyebrows furrowed in response. “Right, but Fred—”

“So watch this darlings!”

Freddie prepared to sashay away in usual Freddie-style. But he ended up tripping over his own feet and toppling over instead.

Roger responded by lurching forwards, hands on his knees, and laughing loudly. The small crowd gathered either smiled at Freddie’s drunken antics or watched him worriedly. A few even moved closer to see if he needed any help getting up. He waved them away, insisting ‘ _I’m fine darlings_!’ But then he almost slipped again, and it reminded Roger suddenly of watching Bambi on ice.

John narrowed his eyes at Roger as he continued laughing at their friend, before he quickly moved to Freddie’s side. Ignoring Freddie’s insistence that he was fine, he wrapped Freddie’s arm around his shoulder so that Freddie could lean on him. Roger started laughing again as he shared a look with Freddie, who was finding all of the attention more than a little funny. His arm flailed uselessly around Freddie’s neck as he grinned at Roger.

“See! I showed you both darlings.”

John pulled a face at the stench of alcohol on Freddie’s breath. His head lolled back and forth as he laughed again.

“Yeah Freddie…you sure did…you proved you’re not…drunk at all!” Roger said around more laughter as John struggled to move forwards. _Bloody_ hell, John thought to himself. _Freddie was heavy._

“Any chance of some help, Rog? When you’ve finished laughing that is.”

“Oh shit, sorry.” Roger said quickly, still struggling not to laugh as he quickly moved to Freddie’s side and wrapped his other arm around his shoulder. Roger pulled a face when Freddie responded by kissing Roger on the cheek.

“Look at this. My two boys looking after me.”

“Fuck, I forgot how soppy you get, Fred.” John commented sourly as they tried to move him in the direction of the door.

There was no sign of Brian at his table. Roger frowned as Chrissie headed over to them, a worried look on her face. Freddie was more than a little merry, so nobody knew what he might end up blurting out. John seemed to share that same worry if his expression was anything to go by.

“Are you okay, Freddie?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. Just had a little bit too much to drink, that’s all.” John said quickly.

Freddie responded by nodding in agreement, before giving Chrissie a smile. “You’ve always been so lovely to me, Chris. Such a lovely, beautiful woman! Brian is lucky. But then you’re lucky too. Because Brian is also beautiful. He’s kind, loving and he’s very flex—”

“Okay seriously stop talking, Fred.” Roger quickly interrupted with an awkward laugh. “Ignore him. He gets all soppy when he’s drunk.”

Chrissie just smiled, pressing a hand to Freddie’s shoulder as she stared at him worriedly. “Did you want me to get you a glass of water, Fred?”

He instantly pulled a face. “No darling, not water! That’s for wimps. Make mine a double vodka and tonic.”

He chuckled to himself as if he’d said something funny, and John gave Roger a look over his head. Roger nodded, knowing instantly that John was thinking the same thing. They needed to get Freddie outside to clear his head. Now. Before he said anything he shouldn’t.

“We’ll sort him out, Chrissie. We’ll just get him sat outside so he can clear his head first.”

“Yeah, and then we’ll get him some water in a minute.” John agreed quickly.

“I’ve told you. I don’t want water—”

“He meant vodka, Freddie. John was just being funny that’s all.” Roger said quickly, and then Freddie was smiling again.

“Oh that’s alright then. Yes, John is very funny, isn’t he?”

With that, he patted John’s head affectionately. John frowned in response. Chrissie pursed her lips to stop herself from smiling.

“Okay well let me know if you need any help with that.”

Roger nodded, knowing that that would be the last thing they’d do. “Will do.”

They managed to haul him outside and sit him on a bench outside. John was just about to leave Roger sat with Freddie when Brian headed outside, a glass of water in his hand, and worry in his eyes. He offered them a forced smile when Roger and John both noticed him.

“Chrissie might have mentioned that Fred had had a little too much to drink. She suggested bringing this out for him.”

“That better not be water darling. I asked for vodka!”

Brian frowned at Freddie in response. “I think you’ve had more than enough vodka, Fred—”

“What Brian is trying to say is that he was going to get you water, but then he realised you’d prefer a vodka tonic, so he got that for you instead. Right, Bri?” Roger said quickly, giving Brian a look.

Brian nodded, quickly realising what Roger was doing. “Oh. Yeah exactly. So bottoms up, Fred.”

“Thanks darling,” Freddie grinned in response, accepting the glass Brian handed him and downing virtually almost all of it. Then he winched as he swallowed it. “That’s rubbish vodka.”

“Yeah well, you know what they’re like at these events,” Roger said evenly with a shrug. “Always trying to water down the spirits to make a profit.”

Luckily, Freddie seemed to accept that suggestion.

“You can two can head back in if you want,” Brian said casually as he sat down next to Freddie. “I don’t mind keeping him company.”

Roger raised his eyebrows, watching Freddie wrap an arm around Brian with a smile. Brian chuckled softly as Freddie leaned his head against his shoulder. John noticed the way Brian was gazing at Freddie. It was very different to the exasperated expression he’d worn ten minutes ago after Freddie had fallen over.

“Only if you don’t mind? We’d better go and socialise a bit more.”

“No of course not,” Brian replied to John. “Besides, one of us had better make sure he doesn’t do anything silly.”

Freddie suddenly looked up at Brian, his eyes widening as though he’d suddenly had a thought. “Ooh you know what we should play darling? Strip poker!”

“Point made I guess,” Roger said with a snort. “We’ll be back out in a bit then.”

“Yes, yes, we’re fine here,” Freddie insisted with a wave of his hand, as he let his head fall back to Brian’s shoulder. “Brian can sing whilst he keeps me company.”

Brian’s eyebrows furrowed in response at that. “And why exactly do you want me to sing to you?”

“Because I love your singing, of course! You have a beautiful voice, Brian.”

“Right. Thanks Fred, I guess.” Brian said uncertainly, looking more amused than anything else. Even if his face had gone a little pink.

“Lovely Brian. Lovely Roger. And Lovely John.” Freddie said in a light, melodic voice. “Have I mentioned that I love you all?”

“Yes you have Fred, multiple times now, I’m sure.” John sighed loudly, and Roger fought a smile at the look John was giving their friend.

“Oh. That’s good then.”

Roger followed John back in, grinning for a moment as he turned back to see Freddie trying to get Brian to sing the chorus of _Respect_ by Freddie’s favourite singer. In the end, Freddie sang it loudly himself, and Brian shook his head in response as he watched him with a mixture of amusement, fondness and exasperation.

Roger laughed as they headed back into the party. “I know he can be a soppy bastard, but you can’t deny he’s funny when had a few too many.”

“If you mean funny in the head then I couldn’t agree more.” John said with a smile. Roger laughed loudly in response.

Roger headed back outside half an hour later to check on Freddie. John was off talking to Veronica, Laura’s head on his shoulder as she slept on peacefully, so Roger chose to leave them to it.

Roger watched in amusement as Brian fought to get Freddie in the passenger seat of his car. Freddie was squirming like a child as Brian leaned over to try and do up his seatbelt. Then Freddie leaned forwards to stroke Brian’s hair suddenly, cooing loudly at how _fluffy_ he thought it was. Much to Brian’s dismay. He hated anyone messing up his hair.

Brian groaned quietly as he quickly shut the passenger door before Freddie could reach out and grab his hair again. He offered Roger an uncertain smile as he headed back over.

“Hey, I was just about to come and find you. I thought I should take Freddie home, make sure he gets back okay.”

“Right,” Roger nodded, reaching for his cigarettes and lighting one. “Big of you, I guess. I’m assuming Chrissie will know you’ve gone?”

Brian’s smile quickly disappeared at Roger’s tone. “Actually, it was her suggestion. And I’m guessing by the judgemental tone you’ve had all evening that John’s filled you in on all the gory details.”

“Only because I virtually guilt-tripped him into telling me,” Roger said defensively. “Besides, I stand by the reasons I gave him for needing to know. You’re not just risking both of your careers by fucking about like you are.”

“We’re not—” Brian suddenly stopped, pursing his lips for a moment before trying again as he watched Roger smoke. “I don’t remember being this judgemental when you and John became a… _thing_.”

“Is _this_ a thing? Or is that wishful thinking on your part?”

Brian shook his head, anger in his eyes, and a blush on his cheeks. “I’m done talking about this. It wasn’t John’s place to gossip about this. Not when I trusted him—”

“He wasn’t gossiping! Fuck, you know John isn’t like that!” Roger said quickly, instantly wanting to defend John. He inhaled his cigarette, giving them a moment to calm down again. “Listen, I’m not saying any of this to come across as a tosser, Brian. But you know this is different to me and John—”

“Because I’m married. Funnily enough, I’m fully aware of that, Roger.” Brian snapped as he ran a hand through his hair with a heavy sigh. He turned back to his car, watching Freddie bounce his head back and forwards to whatever was on the radio, with a weak smile. “It’s fucked-up. I know that.”

He bit his lip, his eyebrows furrowed as he continued to watch Freddie sing along to himself. “Thing is, I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. That’s the honest truth. I don’t even know how to begin to process what’s happened. Let alone try and work out how I might or might not feel about it—”

“Then you should give yourself time to work all of that out,” Roger said quietly, suddenly feeling remorseful at the obvious turmoil in Brian’s eyes. He could see the pressure Brian was putting himself under. How could Roger continue judging him on this when he’d made plenty of mistakes himself? They were only human. Brian and Freddie were his best friends. It might not have been his place to get involved, but he could offer a lending ear should either of them need one. “If you need to talk about it, come to me or John. There’ll be no judgements, I promise. I know all of us normally go to Freddie for advice, but if you feel as if you can’t talk about this with him, then…we’re both here instead. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Okay,” Brian said, finally looking round at Roger. He still looked worried, but there was obvious relief in his eyes. “Thank you. That means a lot, Rog.”

“You look as if you could do with a friend right about now. But you do realise that if you think there’s a chance that things might happen between you both again, Chrissie had the right to know. Otherwise it just looks as if you’re taking the piss, to be honest. I know John’s right. I know it’s none of our business, but I can’t just stand by and watch you fuck up your marriage without at least saying something—”

“I know, I know. And you’re right.” Brian insisted quietly. “But as far as I know, this isn’t going to happen again.”

“Right. But you can’t exactly promise that, can you?” Roger said with a knowing look, before holding up his hands. “Well I’ve told you what I think. Just think about what I’ve said, at least.”

Brian nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. Roger watched him head back to his car as he finished his cigarette. John headed outside as Brian drove the car out of the carpark. He stole Roger’s packet of cigarettes from his jacket and lit one up for himself, before giving Roger a pointed look.

“I hope you wasn’t too hard on him.”

“I was quite sympathetic actually.”

“That’s a first.”

Roger narrowed his eyes at John, not appreciating his sardonic sense of humour at this moment in time. “It’s lucky you’re so hot, Deaky.”

“I’ll agree with the lucky part,” he partly agreed, his eyes full of warmth and affection as he gazed at Roger, who frowned in response. John always had a way with words.

“Git.”

“That’s me,” John smiled, sensing no malice in Roger’s tone as he inhaled the smoke from his cigarette. He kept quiet for a moment, and Roger welcomed the brief envelope of silence as he pulled his jacket tighter around him. “I just hope you wasn’t too disappointed.”

“Disappointed about what exactly?” Roger said, frowning in confusion. “Today’s been amazing. Veronica couldn’t have done more to include me.”

“I meant about your parents.” John said quietly, giving Roger a knowing look. “They didn’t come.”

“Oh. _That_.”

Roger’s tone was enough to accentuate his lack of joy at the topic. But his gaze somehow remained neutral. He offered a shrug. “It is what it is. I’m not exactly surprised. Not with how they reacted at us being together. As far as I’m concerned, it’s no loss.”

John watched him closely, concern in his eyes. “But their your parents.”

“So? If they can’t support us, then I don’t want them in my life. It’s as simple as that—”

Roger stopped talking, frowning at the way John stared off into the distance, his eyes wide. It wasn’t exactly the first time Roger had said all of this.

“I’m serious, Deaky. From now on, all I care about is you and Laura. Fuck everyone else and what they might or might not think. I couldn’t give a toss—”

“ _Roger_ —”

“That’s charming language young man, isn’t it?”

Roger’s head turned quickly, his cigarette almost falling from his hand.

“There was me thinking that we’d brought you up better than to use that sort of language.” His mother added with a small, uncertain smile. She had her hand on her hip, her eyes wary.

She looked lovely. She always looked nice when she had to dress up for anything. She was wearing a baby blue dress to match her eyes, with a black jacket over the top, a pair of small black heels, and she’d pinned her hair back in an elaborate up-do. Roger noticed she had a pink gift bag in her hands.

“Yeah well,” Roger said quietly, dropping his gaze to stare at his feet to hide his disappointment about how she seemed to have come alone. “I’m sure you didn’t bring me up thinking I’d disgrace the family by shacking up with a man either, but here we are.”

Her expression softened at that. “I don’t think you’re a disgrace, Rog.”

“Of course she doesn’t,” John agreed quickly, frowning at Roger in concern. “Don’t be so pessimistic. She wouldn’t be here if she really thought that.”

Roger snorted in response, distracting himself from their gazes by dropping his cigarette to the floor and stepping on it.

“She hasn’t told us why she’s here yet. Maybe she’s come to trade more insults. Either way, I don’t want to hear it. Not today.”

Winifred’s eyes widened as Roger moved to head back inside. “Roger please, just give me a chance—”

“ _Roger_ ,” John said quickly, his expression soft as he moved to stop Roger from stepping around him. “I think you should hear what she has to say.”

“Why should I? After everything she said the other—”

“I know, and I know you were hurt by that, but she might have had time to rethink. For all you know, she’s come here for genuine reasons.” John said evenly, his hand still on his arm. He gave it a gentle squeeze and offered a small shrug as he talked. “Surely, she deserves a chance?”

“Yeah well. Just because she’s suddenly decided she wants to be here, doesn’t mean I want her here.”

John shot him a look in response. “Except we both know that’s not true, don’t we? You might be pleasantly surprised.”

“Doubtful,” Roger offered weakly.

John smiled weakly, moving to tuck a strand of hair behind Roger’s ear as he talked. Roger shivered automatically as John’s hand brushed his skin. He sighed as John moved his hand away. “You’ll never know unless you try.”

Roger frowned in response. John knew the right things to say and do to get him to change his mind, or to at least try and get him to see things in a different way.

He turned back to look at his mother. He was almost surprised to see a lack of disgust in her expression at the closeness between him and John.

“Dad in the car, is he?”

Winifred sighed in response, guilt in her eyes. “I’m sure you already know he’s not.”

“Well there’s a surprise,” Roger scoffed sarcastically. “Does he at least know you’re here?”

“Yes, and he made it clear he doesn’t think I should be supporting your… _lifestyle_ choice.”

“I bet he did.” Roger said with a shake of his head.

“But that doesn’t mean I want to be here any less.”

“That’s good of you considering you weren’t even invited.”

Winifred’s eyebrows furrowed that, confusion in her eyes at Roger’s words.

“Sorry. I assumed that would have been obvious when you both made it clear that you wouldn’t be supporting my _lifestyle choice_ as Dad put it.”

John sighed from besides him. “Is this your idea of giving her a chance?”

“Yes actually.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Roger.” Winifred said quietly, looking more than a little uncomfortable as Roger continued to watch her with that penetrating gaze of his.

“I’d say try being honest. But I think you’ve already made clear how you really feel.”

She frowned in response, folding her hands over her chest and taking a defensive stance. “We were never going to take the news very well Roger, you must have expected that.”

“I expected you to try and get your head around it. You’ve always taught me that I should try and at least be tolerant to anyone I might have met who had different beliefs or thoughts. And then you become a total fucking hypocrite by judging me and assuming this is one of my many whims, or whatever other rubbish you sprouted on about.”

Winifred winched at his language, but chose not to scold him as she went to respond instead.

“Your father and I have both been brought up by people who believed this sort of thing was immoral and sinful. We were always taught that should we know anyone with these sorts of feelings, we encourage them to go to church and pray for them to go away and to avoid them.”

Roger openly scoffed at that. “You really think it’s that simple? Don’t you think that I’ve prayed to myself at night that god would make those feelings go away? Didn’t change anything. If anything, it only made them stronger.”

John felt the surprise cross his features at Roger’s words. He hadn’t told him that before. John himself had done the same once or twice over the years. Or told himself that being with a man would never work. Mostly to convince himself that any feelings he’d had for Roger were purely platonic in the early stages of their friendship.

“I know all of this sounds crazy to you, Roger. But there’s many families who have grown up to believe in all of that too.”

John cleared his throat, nodding his head in agreement. “I get where she’s coming from at least. My parents come from a religious background too, you already know that.”

“And yet your Mum handled it in a much more civilised manner. Funny that.”

“Yes, but in fairness, I get the sense that was more because she wasn’t exactly surprised. You heard her yourself. She’d seen how close we’ve always been. I just think maybe she wondered if there could have been something more between us. Which means that she’s had more time to be open to the idea of it.” John gave Roger a look. “But that doesn’t mean your Mum is wrong for thinking the way she has been.”

“It doesn’t mean she’s right either.” Roger scowled.

“And I wont disagree with that,” Winifred said, getting both their attentions back. “But I’d love to be given the opportunity to feel differently about this. You are my son, after all.”

Roger frowned at the hope that shone in his mother’s eyes. Of course he wanted to give her a chance, but he was hesitant. Especially after all his parents had said.

“Perhaps we could try and start again?” Winifred suggested when she felt Roger’s hesitancy. She smiled as she looked over at John. “You’ve always been polite to me when I’ve met you, John. Perhaps you could be the good influence that my son needs.”

Roger rolled his eyes in response. “You talk about me like I’m twelve, mother.”

John smiled a little in response, noticing Roger’s flush of embarrassment at his mother’s words. “That remains doubtful. Mum always said god loves a trier, but I haven’t seemed to be able to do much influencing in the last seven years that I’ve known Roger.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I started to believe that there was a chance that Roger would never meet somebody he liked enough to even introduce them to me and his father, yet here we are. You’re obviously doing something right.”

John shrugged in response. “Yeah well. The same could be said about me at one stage, I’m sure.”

“I wasn’t at the service this morning because I didn’t think it was right,” Winifred confessed suddenly, sharing a weak smile as Roger met her eyes. “I thought there’d be less of a scene if I showed up later.”

“That didn’t work out too well, did it?” Roger said, half-jokingly.

“Oh, I don’t know. We’re talking, aren’t we? That seems like a start to me.”

“So you want me to give you another chance to get your head around this, is that what you’re saying?” Roger asked bluntly.

Winifred nodded quickly. “In a sense, yes. I’d like to be given the chance to make my own mind up about it. I’d like to see how you’re both together and make my own judgement.” She hesitated a brief second, before she smiled a little. “And of course I’d love the opportunity to meet Laura. I know she’s not technically my granddaughter but—”

“Veronica wouldn’t see it like that though, I’m sure.” John said quickly.

“It’s true. She included me in the service, you know?” Roger agreed fondly. “As one of the parents.”

Winifred’s smile widened at hearing that. “That’s good of her.”

“She’s been really understanding about the two of us actually.” Roger said cheerfully.

“Yeah well. It’s like Veronica said. We’re family. All of us.”

John reached for Roger’s hand, and Roger let their fingers entwine without a second thought. He turned back to his Mum expectantly, a stubbornness in his expression, but she offered a weak smile in response. it was a start, he supposed.

“Right. Fine. One chance. But I meant what I said. If you suddenly realise that you can’t stomach the thought of me and him together after all, then that’s it.”

“I understand.”

Roger gave a short nod in response, watching her carefully. “Right then. Let’s introduce you to Veronica first, and then maybe we’ll see about you getting to know Laura too.”

She nodded, relief in her eyes.

John shared that sense of relief as he squeezed Roger’s hand. He knew Roger could be too stubborn for his own good at times.

He mouthed _well done_ as Roger turned to look at him as if for confirmation, and they shared a smile in response as they moved to go back inside, Winifred following behind them.

It was a start. A step in the right direction for them all.

o-o-o


	27. Don't Lose Your Head

“Do me a favour dears. Next time I dare Veronica to do vodka shots with me, remind me what a fucking terrible idea it is?”

Roger laughed loudly, watching Freddie winch in response and press his hand to his temple. He was sat in the armchair, sunglasses on, and his face drained of colour. It was fair to say that the band didn’t have much sympathy.

They’d all met at Brian’s the day after the christening to talk about their upcoming tour. They were set to go in under a week’s time, which should be enough time for Freddie to get over his hangover.

“Sure. I’ll be happy to, Fred.” John said with a smile, watching Freddie groan in response.

“I’ll give it to her. Considering she’s not long ago had Laura, Ronnie’s almost as hardcore as me.”

“Yeah, she can definitely handle her drink.” John agreed with a smile.

“I may have to steal her for a night out in London once we’re back from the tour. Especially now you two have got all boring and domesticated since you’ve been together.”

“Oh fuck off, Fred.” Roger responded with a sour look.

“Yeah, what he said.” John agreed, his expression quickly changing. “Besides, that’s total bollocks.”

“Exactly. I’d be more than happy to prove that once we’ve flown off to America. I’m still more than capable of drinking you under the table.”

“You’re on, blondie.”

“Well so much for not drinking again.” John teased Freddie.

“I never said anything of the sort, Deaky dear,” Freddie said quickly, looking up at him. “I said to remind me what a terrible idea it would be to do vodka shots with Ronnie again. But give up drinking? Me? Never. Who would take my place in entertaining you all?”

“I’ll remind you of that should you ever have your head down the toilet at midnight again, Fred.” Brian said with a shake of his head as he headed into the living room whilst balancing a tray of cups. “Actually, I won’t. Next time, you can get somebody else to hold your hair back.”

Chrissie had asked Brian to make sure Freddie got home safely. Not that Brian minded, Roger was sure. They all knew Brian liked to feel useful, especially around Freddie.

“I’m sure Prenter would be next in line to volunteer.”

“Catty as always, Rog.” Freddie said with a pointed look.

Roger had meant it as a dig, and clearly Freddie sensed that. John cleared his throat, reaching for his packet of cigarettes and lifting one to his mouth.

Brian didn’t look too impressed as he moved to sit on the sofa. There was no love-lost between Paul and seventy-five percent of the band, but Brian might have had more reason to dislike him now. Especially as Freddie was trying to worm his way into Freddie’s affections again. Roger thought Paul was a leech. He seemed to sense Freddie’s vulnerability a mile off. And he abused it time after time.

“You know me. Like to tell it as I see it.”

Brian pursed his lips, dropping his gaze. John lit his cigarette, turning to Roger and raising an eyebrow at his tone. Roger merely shrugged in response, before he reached across to steal a cigarette from John’s packet.

Chrissie came back from the kitchen, seemingly oblivious to any tension as she bounced Laura in her arms. Laura giggled happily, her thumb in her mouth, her head at Chrissie’s shoulder.

“She really is an easy baby, John. I hope we get that lucky, Bri.”

Roger gave her a look of surprise. Maybe she really was that oblivious to what was going on under her nose.

Brian gave a tight-lipped smile in response as she sat down beside him. “I’m sure we will one day.”

“Maybe one day _soon_ ,” she agreed all too eagerly.

Brian gave a small laugh as he watched his wife cooing over Laura. “As much as I admire the enthusiasm love, we’re not even expecting yet.”

“I know, I know,” Chrissie smiled, seemingly oblivious to the tension in Brian’s smile as she leaned over to press a hand to his leg. She leaned in closer, even though everyone in the room still managed to hear her next words. “Hence why I suggested that early night.”

Freddie felt a sudden wave of nausea as he stood up too quickly. His voice was raspy and quiet. “Where’s the bathroom?”

Chrissie blinked, her hand still on Brian’s leg. “Oh err…to the right of the hallway, Fred.”

He moved before she’d finished speaking, and they all stared after him in worry. He’d been practically swaying as he navigated his way through the hallway.

Chrissie smiled in sympathy. “Poor Freddie.”

Brian rolled his eyes at his wife’s tone. “He’s only hungover. Self-inflicted if you ask me.”

“You should know about that.” Roger snarled before he could stop himself. His automatic response was to defend his friend. It was only as they all looked at him that he realised how bitter he might have sounded. He cleared his throat before inhaling his cigarette. “We’ve all drank too much from time to time. You should sympathise a little more.”

“Of course you have. That’s practically part and parcel of being in a rock band.” Chrissie agreed lightly, before her gaze flickered back to the doorway. “Do you think Freddie’s okay? He did look a little green.”

“I’ll go and check.” John offered, just as Brian opened his mouth. If he let Brian offer, it would only get Roger’s back up again. John couldn’t be doing with an afternoon listening to Roger making thinly-covered insults, and Brian giving him looks. He put his cigarette in the ashtray, and stood up quickly.

He knocked on the bathroom door, before winching at the sounds coming from inside. Then there was silence, a few sniffles, and the pull of the chain. He could hear Freddie turning the lock seconds later, and then he appeared in the doorway, looking a little more greener than he had ten minutes ago. At least he managed not to get sick on his clothes or in his hair. Freddie despised it when that happened.

“You okay?”

“I’m fantastic darling. Feel like I could go ten rounds with Muhammad Ali.”

“And there was me thinking I was the reigning champion of sarcasm in this band.”

Freddie rolled his eyes in response at John’s dry tone. “Fine. I’ll rephrase that. I feel like I’ve just _completed_ ten rounds with Muhammad Ali.”

“Better,” John teased jokingly, before giving Freddie a worried once-over. “So was you throwing up down to the hangover or down to something a certain someone might have said?”

Freddie blinked in surprise, before his gaze flickered to behind John. “Let’s not chat here. Come on, I could do with a smoke.”

John snorted. “Sure. That will help the hangover.”

“Glad you agree dear.”

They headed into the back garden, quietly shutting the door behind them. It was nice out here, peaceful. This area was Brian’s domain. John remembered him telling the band after their last tour that he’d started to turn to gardening to unwind after all the madness of touring, the gigs and doing press interviews. The garden was filled with endless flowers and trees, and towards the back of the garden, Brian had created a space for people to sit and watch the world go by. It was an oval bench underneath an oak tree. Freddie sat down on the bench, and John watched as he practically slumped down on it as he lit a cigarette.

“Maybe a little of both.” Freddie suddenly replied, eyeing John as he exhaled his cigarette smoke. “To answer your question.”

John nodded. “I suppose the hangover will pass at least.”

“It’s over if you must know. We agreed it should be a one-time thing. Ironically, we had the discussion after Brian spent the evening holding my hair back. I think that the image of me throwing up was enough to put the poor boy off for life.”

Freddie offered a weak smile at his attempt at a joke, but John noticed his hand shook as he lifted his cigarette back to his lips. John didn’t mention the fact that he didn’t think that was true. Not with the way Brian had been looking at Freddie all morning, as if he was still pining over his best friend.

“You were sober enough to remember that conversation then.”

“Mostly because Brian had managed to chuck enough water down my throat to clear my head by that point. I was still pretty fucked though darling. At one point, I thought the ceiling was falling down on top of me. Took Bri ages to calm me down.”

“Christ, you were fucked, Fred.”

Freddie murmured in agreement as he inhaled his cigarette. “Well it’s not every day your two bandmates have a christening for their daughter.”

Freddie probably didn’t realise he’d said virtually the same thing when he’d been drunk. John liked the way Freddie worded that. Veronica would always be Laura’s mother. But Roger would still play an important role in her life, same as John would. It was something they all recognised to be true.

“So Brian agreed that it should be a one-time thing too, did he?”

Freddie gave him a look. “I would have thought that’s obvious by the conversation this morning.”

John nodded, resisting the temptation to point out that Brian didn’t seem as keen as Chrissie at the prospect of starting a family. Or the way Brian had looked over at Freddie a couple of times as if to gauge his reaction. It wasn’t his place to get involved, he still believed that. He was sure it wouldn’t take too long for Roger to get resist getting involved again anyway.

“I hear Prenter’s been sniffing round again.”

Freddie practically moved his head with the dramatic eye-roll he gave. “Don’t start. I heard it all from Roger on the way over here.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“ _Yet_ ,” Freddie said with a raised brow. “And besides, you don’t need to. The judgement is coming off you in waves dear.”

John held his hands up as Freddie took another inhale of his cigarette. “No judgement. As you say, you heard all of that from Roger. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Then I shall take your concerns on board.”

“Good. I’ll pass that message onto Roger.”

Freddie sighed heavily as he heaved himself off of the bench, grumbling as he threw the cigarette on the ground and stomped on it. “I knew it. Fucking blondie worries far too much.”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Freddie. Poor Brian. :( Something has got to give, surely? Hopefully these two will find their happy ending soon enough. On another note......GUESS WHO'S GOING TO SEE QUEEN NEXT JUNE!!! And three days before my birthday too! Oh. My. God. I can't tell you how excited I am. I'm actually going to be in the same room as Brian and Roger. With Brian doing one of his guitar solos or Roger going crazy on the drums like he does. I'm going to get to see them perform Love Of My Life and bask in all the glory that is Queen. Obviously, I will be slightly gutted at the fact that Freddie and Deaky won't be there, but even still, I literally can't wait. I could honestly cry with happiness at the thought of seeing them. (: <3


	28. I Go Crazy

Brian swirled his glass softly, watching the amber liquid slosh against the sides as he sat and nursed his drink.

 _How the fuck had he ended up here_?

They were two weeks into their tour. And his mind remained in England. Back with Chrissie. Back with the… _baby_.

She’d announced less than two hours before he was due to fly that she was expecting. He’d been in shock. He’d known she’d wanted a family for some time. He hadn’t reacted well. Which in turn had made her angry. Things had escalated into a rare row, and he’d reacted how he always did whenever the two got into an argument. He stormed out to stop them both from saying something they’d regret, his luggage in hand.

And that was that.

Brian downed the rest of his drink before collaring the bartender and ordering himself another whiskey. The woman nodded, moving to the other end of the bar to get the bottle.

They’d arrived in Chicago that afternoon. Their gig wasn’t until tomorrow night.

John and Roger had headed back to the hotel not long after the band had finished giving interviews. Freddie had headed off somewhere else, determined to enjoy the Chicago nightlife. Brian had grabbed a seat at the bar, knowing it would be wiser not to follow. He might have felt protective over Freddie at nights out like these, but Brian had too much on his mind. It seemed that off-stage Freddie had been keeping his distance, and Brian wasn’t sure it was a good idea to push that.

Brian mumbled a thank you as the lady headed back over with his drink. Then she turned to the next customer on Brian’s right.

“Pint of beer please, sweetheart.”

Brian automatically turned his head at the American accent. Stood next to him was a man who seemed an inch or so smaller. He had olive skin, and dark hair, which was virtually black under the dim lights of the bar. He had high cheekbones, and piercing green eyes, and Brian couldn’t help but notice that he bore a similar resemblance to Freddie.

He was dressed nice. He was wearing a black shirt and a pair of tight jeans.

As if realising he was being watched, the guy turned his head and met Brian’s curious gaze. “Can I help you?”

“Not at all. Sorry. Ignore me, I’m being rude.” Brian said quickly before turning away and taking a sip of his whiskey.

“Oh, I don’t mind.”

He was smiling by the time Brian looked back at him. His eyes slipped from Brian’s face as he gave him a long look.

“But you could buy me a drink first, at least.”

“Oh right. Yeah. Of course.”

Brian offered an uncertain smile as the barmaid headed back over and told the man the price of his drink. Brian handed her the money and watched the man take a sip of his pint.

“What’s your name?”

The man smiled. “Danny. Yours?”

Brian hesitated. He didn’t seem to recognize him, and Brian found himself wanting to make the most of that. “Freddie.”

Danny nodded, seeming to believe him. “Well Freddie, what’s a handsome man like yourself doing in a dive like this? And on your own, it seems.”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“My friends left. Went to some bar round the corner.” He replied, taking another sip of his drink. “What’s your excuse?”

“Same reason actually.”

Danny shrugged. “Ah well. Their loss.”

“What and your gain, is it?”

Danny gave him another long look from head to toe. Only when his gaze reached Brian’s eyes, did Danny smile. “I certainly think so.”

Brian swallowed heavily in response. He wasn’t sure what he was doing. This felt different to sleeping with random women on tour. He didn’t feel as certain about letting it go further.

“On that note, I should probably head off myself.”

“Oh come on, give me a chance. I promise I’ve got better lines than those.” Danny offered with a weak shrug. He was a little pink in the face as he looked back at his pint. “Truth be told, I don’t normally do this.”

Brian decided to try a little honesty. “Neither do I. Not with… _men_ anyway.”

Danny nodded as he sipped his drink again. He didn’t seem surprised, but then Brian realised that was probably due to where they were. America was a little more backwards when it came to homosexuality. Unlike certain countries, it hadn’t been legalized here. You had to be careful about this sort of thing, but Brian knew that already from being around Freddie. Luckily, Freddie seemed to know the kinds of places where people didn’t care too much.

“At least finish your drink. I promise not to bombard you with more cheesy chat-up lines.” Danny offered with an uncertain smile.

“Is that what those were?” Brian said with a serious expression. He watched Danny’s eyes grow wide as he wondered if he had been barking up the wrong tree after all. “You’re right. They really were cheesy.”

Danny laughed in response, relief in his eyes as he realised Brian wasn’t saying that because he was offended by the idea of him flirting.

“That was my idea of a warm-up actually.”

“Right,” Brian smiled, taking the opportunity to finish off his drink. “Well, luckily for you, I’m prepared to give you a second chance.”

“Oh?” Danny said with a quirked eyebrow.

“You can buy me a drink to make up for it.”

Danny’s smile widened in response. “Alright, deal.”

The rest of the night was a little hazy. They talked over a few more drinks. Brian found himself loosening up after that. Danny was easy to talk to. He somehow managed to convince Brian to dance with him. Within the space of two songs, they found their hands wondering and Danny suggested that they got out of there. Brian, head woozy with alcohol, let himself be lead out of the club and into the nearest alleyway. From there, Danny pressed his body against his, and kissed him slowly and deeply. It was okay, it felt nice even. It wasn’t much different to kissing women, apart from the lack of lipstick or gloss.

They’d collared a taxi and made it back to Brian’s hotel room within half an hour.

Brian vaguely remembered them stumbling through the door. Danny’s hands had pulled at his belt buckle before they tumbled against Brian’s bed, their breathy moans replacing their laughter.

It hadn’t been like being with Freddie. There was no urgency behind their movements and Danny’s lips didn’t taste of fire as they danced across Brian’s skin. It didn’t feel any different to having a one-night stand with a woman. Except this time, Brian squeezed his eyes shut, picturing it was somebody else’s body underneath him as Brian entered him.

When he woke in the morning, his only company was the pounding in his head.

On the bedside table was a scrap of paper with a phone number on it. He sighed as he pushed his hair from his face and fell back against the bed.

And that was how it started.

Brian told himself it wasn’t worth going off with anyone else, but then he’d see Freddie flirting with some random guy at a party that they were forced to attend, and it drove him off the deep end. Or he’d see Paul following Freddie around like a lost puppy and it made him want to scream.

He had to stop this. He knew that. He’d end up driving himself mad. But it was like he couldn’t stop torturing himself.

Maybe he was focusing on that as a distraction too. To stop himself from thinking about the fact that by the time he headed back to England for their mid-tour break, Chrissie would be five months pregnant. Another four months after that and he’d be a father.

He felt a wave of nausea hit him at the thought as he sat up in bed.

He managed a shower and got dressed within the hour. Then he grabbed the telephone before he could think himself out of it, sat back on the bed, and listened to the familiar dialling tone as he fiddled with the cord.

“Hello?”

He swallowed thickly at the sound of her voice, taking a deep breath before he answered.

“Hi, it’s me.”

He bit his lip, waiting for her to say something.

“Oh hello. How are you?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired from our gig last night.”

“I imagine you probably are. Where are you now then?”

“Philadelphia. We’re flying out to Florida in a couple of days.”

“Philadelphia, huh? Isn’t that the city where Rocky was filmed?”

“Trust you to remember that.” Brian said with a smile. They’d seen the film in cinema the year before and they’d both liked it. “It’s nice here. You’d like the art museum, I think.”

“How are the gigs?”

“Yeah, good. We had to cancel one the other week. One of the cities had a torrential storm, and the venue ended up flooded.”

“You’re joking. That’s terrible.”

“Yeah, it was pretty bad actually. But besides that, it’s going well. How are you?”

He didn’t want to talk too much about the tour. That way he could reason that he wasn’t lying to her about what he was getting up to.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Mum are Dad are going to visit for the weekend.”

“Oh that will be nice. I know you’ve not seen them in a while.” He offered cheerfully before sighing in response. He’d skirted around the issue long enough. “I need to apologize for the way I left things. I shouldn’t have walked out like I did. I was an arse, and it shouldn’t have taken me this long to ring and apologize.”

“It’s fine, I get why you reacted like you did. I know I probably didn’t tell you at the best time, but I’d only just found out, and I didn’t want to tell you over the telephone whilst you were away—”

“No, I know, I get that. I think it was just a shock.” He cleared his throat nervously. “Have you had a scan yet?”

“Yes, I had the first one yesterday. Baby’s fine. Doctor reckons he or she has a strong heartbeat which is good.”

“Yeah that is good.”

He could hear her sigh down the line. “I miss you Bri. I wish you was here actually.”

He swallowed thickly, guilt clawing at his throat. Because despite whatever he was dealing with, she was alone and pregnant at home. “I miss you too. I’ll be back sooner than you know it.”

“Okay. I’d better go. Mum and Dad should be here any minute.” There was another pause, one that was filled with a knock on the door on Brian’s end. “Love you, Bri.”

“Love you,” Brian replied distractedly as he put down the phone, and opened his hotel room door to find Roger stood on the other side.

Roger raised his eyebrows, taking in Brian’s still damp, messy hair, and how tired he looked. “Long night?”

“Not especially.”

There was disbelief in his eyes, but Roger didn’t dispute that. “Freddie called for a band meeting in twenty. Asked for us to meet him in the hotel café.”

“Okay. I’ll meet you there in a bit.”

Roger nodded, his eyes falling to the bedside table behind Brian. “Right. See you down there, I guess.”

Brian closed the door and turned back. He frowned as he realised what Roger had noticed. The empty condom packet from last night.

He towel-dried his hair and headed downstairs to go and meet the band.

Freddie and Paul hadn’t arrived yet. Roger and John was sat at a table to the side of the room. John’s arm was behind the back of Roger’s chair as he talked, and Roger looked as if he was listening closely, his chin resting against his hand. John sat up straight as Brian headed over to them, offering a smile as he sat down opposite.

“We got you a coffee.” John said conversationally as Brian reached for the cup.

“Thanks. What did I miss?”

“Nothing really. We were just talking about the gig last night whilst we waited for you and Freddie.”

“Speaking of, where is the twat?” Roger suddenly spoke up, irritation in his voice as he slumped back against his chair. “He was the one to call for a meeting in the first place, and he’s late. Again.”

“I don’t know why you sound surprised. This is Freddie we’re talking about,” John said with a sigh.

“Yeah well, he’s taking the piss. I could have had an extra half an hour in bed.” Roger grumbled sourly as he picked up his cup of coffee.

John turned to look at him knowingly. “I knew why that’s you were in a bad mood this morning.”

“No actually, it’s not. I’m in a bad mood because _somebody_ insisted that I should go and wake Brian up, instead of following through with his promise of shower sex—”

“Seriously?” Brian groaned loudly, making a face at Roger’s words. It was like he had no filter at times. “Can’t you at least wait until I’ve gotten a whole cup of coffee down my neck first before you start saying stuff like that?”

“I’m surprised it took him that long to mention it I’m being honest,” John said with a roll of his eyes. Then he leaned closer, attempting to mumble quietly in Roger’s ear discreetly. “Trust me, I’ve not forgotten about it. I just thought given that we were supposed to be meeting Freddie, he wouldn’t have been pleased if we’d have been late because of _that_.”

“And yet, he’s the one who ends up being late anyway,” Roger grumbled sourly, before flashing John a smirk. “You can follow through with that promise later, Deaky.”

“When you two are done flirting.” Brian said with a sigh.

Roger turned to look at him with a shrug. “Like you wouldn’t be doing the same if Freddie was to offer you—”

“Whatever you’re about to say— _don’t_ ,” John warned him carefully. Roger was already in one of his moods, and John had already warned him not to rile anyone up.

“Fine. Spoilsport.”

John rolled his eyes at Roger’s tone, before he smiled at the way Roger folded his arms over his chest a little like a petulant child.

Freddie arrived ten minutes later, sunglasses on, and looking just slightly hungover as he sat down next to Brian. Paul was hot on his heels, and Roger frowned in response.

“Any coffee going dears?”

“There would have been if you arrived half an hour earlier.”

“I’ll go and grab us a coffee, Freddie.”

Freddie gave Paul a smile over his shoulder, before turning back to see their less than impressed looks. “What?”

“ _I’ll go and grab us a coffee, Freddie_ ,” Roger mimicked Paul’s voice with a roll of his eyes. “Fuck, he’s even more whipped than before.”

John sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration in response. It had taken Roger all of two seconds. Even if he was right, it didn’t necessarily mean he had to say it.

“I’m not sure what looks worst on you. That top or your cattiness.”

“Oh fuck off Freddie. Besides, the dog in heat look has never suited him. Yet, here we are.”

Freddie shot him a look as he lifted his sunglasses. “Watch it.”

Roger sat forwards instantly. “Or what—”

“Can we at least try not to have a domestic before midday?” Brian asked with a sigh. It would only escalate between them, especially if Freddie was hungover.

“I’m not the one who brought my little pet—”

John rolled his eyes in response, sitting towards to speak quietly. “I thought we’d agreed that you were going to at least _try_ and be nice today.”

“I’m being nice. I’m warning Freddie about the snake he’s got keeping him company.”

“Fine. Then I shall bear your shitty advice in mind, happy?”

Roger whipped his head round to look back at Freddie, his expression far from happy. “No actually, I’m not.”

They groaned collectively at Roger’s words, all of them sick of arguing already.

“Then what will make you happy Rog? What needs to change to make this meeting today more bearable?” Brian asked resignedly.

“Easy,” Roger said with a shrug. “This is supposed to be a _band_ meeting. Paul isn’t part of this band as far as I’m aware. He shouldn’t be within earshot.”

“Fine. I’ll tell him to make himself scarce.”

“Fine.”

“Finally, an agreement.” John grumbled sourly.

Roger had practically been grinning as Freddie asked Paul to wait for him in his room. He didn’t look very happy not to be included, but seemed to realise he didn’t have much choice. From then on, the atmosphere between them changed. They talked through the setlist for their gig in a couple of days’ time, and talked through any changes that needed to be made.

Brian tried to involve himself in discussions, but his head wasn’t fully in it. He thought perhaps a walk might clear his head a little, so he was the first to make his excuses. But John managed to catch up with him in the hotel lobby before he could properly make his escape.

Brian stared at him expectantly but John turned back to Roger as he gave him their hotel room key. “I’ll be up in a bit. I’m just going to talk to Brian about something.”

Roger frowned, but nodded. “Okay, sure. See you in a bit.”

John watched Roger disappear back into the lift to go upstairs, before he turned back to look at Brian. “Where you off to?”

“I don’t know really. I didn’t have anywhere set in mind. I just thought I’d head out for a wonder.”

“Cool. I’ll join you.”

“As lovely as that thought is Deaky, I was kind of hoping to be on my own. Clear my head.”

“Does your head need clearing then?”

Brian shot him a look as they started walking, and then nodded at something or other in his head. “Let me guess. Roger’s been opening that mouth of his again.”

“He might have mentioned the company you’ve been keeping lately. No judgements here.” John said, quickly raising his hands at the look Brian gave him. It wasn’t like John didn’t know. Brian hadn’t exactly been subtle when it came to sneaking his company out. “He was only talking about it because he was worried. I thought it might be worth having a chat. Make sure you’re okay about…everything.”

By that, he meant him and Freddie being over. He just didn’t have the heart to say it out-loud to him.

“I’m fine. So do I need both of your permissions to have company now, is that it?”

“No of course not,” John said with a click of his tongue. “It’s good to see you moving on. If that’s what this is.”

“Does it have to be anything? It’s no different to when I’m with women, surely?”

“I guess not. But you’re not moping after Freddie anymore?” John pulled a face then, realising his words. “Moping might be a little harsh. Maybe more… _pining_.”

“Pining isn’t as harsh as moping?” Brian said with a raised brow. “You’ve gotten terrible at giving advice, Deaky.”

“Well am I wrong?”

Brian sighed in response. “Whatever went on with me and Freddie is irrelevant now.”

“Not because Paul’s back in the picture? I can’t see that lasting very long.”

Brian shot him a look in response, and John shrugged as they carried on walking down the street.

“I just meant that I think sometimes Freddie only likes having him around because he’s so infatuated. It’s not our place to get involved, but I do think Roger had a point about Paul being so whipped.”

“Yeah well, it’s not about Paul.”

“Is it about Chrissie then?”

Brian hesitated, and John took that as his answer. He nodded, moving to let a lady pass them.

“Roger said he thought he heard you talking to her this morning. Everything alright?”

“Depends on your definition of alright.”

“She’s not ill or anything, is she?”

“No, it’s nothing like that.”

“So what is it like?”

Brian stopped walking, and it was so sudden that John didn’t notice for a moment. He frowned, watching Brian as he swallowed thickly.

“Brian?”

“She’s pregnant.”

John blinked at the way Brian suddenly blurted that out.

Brian knew that if anyone could give him advice, it was John. He might not have been married to Veronica, but he’d still found out she was pregnant in the midst of his situation with Roger. He could at least sympathise with the situation.

“ _Oh_ , then I guess congratulations are in order.” John said carefully. Then he noticed Brian’s expression and offered a shrug in response. “Or not. How do you feel about it?”

Brian sighed, running a hand through his hair in response. “I don’t really know. Think I’m still trying to get my head around it.”

“Yeah, I can imagine. I remember how I felt when Veronica turned up to announce she was pregnant. I thought I was going to faint, I was so shocked. Pathetic, I know. But just look at us now.” John said with a small smile. “It can’t have been that much of a surprise though. She threw enough hints around Laura before we left.”

“Yeah, I know,” Brian said with a sigh. “I’m just not sure that…I’m exactly ready. Or that it’s the right time, you know? With everything going on.”

“If you wait for the right time, you’ll wait forever. Besides, seems like you might have to be ready now.”

Brian shot him a look, as if to say _helpful_. John sighed in apology.

“Sorry. That was probably the least helpful thing I could have said. Should we go for a drink? I reckon you could do with one given the circumstances.”

Brian murmured an agreement at that started walking again. A drink did sound good.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! I still can't get over the fact that I'm actually going to see Queen next year. It still feels like a dream, and I've been driving everyone mad talking about it hahaha! Everyone keeps saying that they've heard rumours about Deaky and saying that his health is deuterating and I just really hope that isn't true because I think I'd seriously cry. I've also heard other people on Instagram saying about how amazing it would be if John just suddenly came out on stage, even if it was just for one show. I'd literally scream my head off lol. Obviously, I can't see that happening now unfortunately, but a girl can dream haha. Anyway, sorry for getting carried away again lol. Hope you enjoyed the latest chapter. Please feel free to let me know what you thought! <3


	29. It's Late

“Right darlings, let’s go and get absolutely shit-faced.”

“Yes, now you’re talking, Fred!” Roger said cheerfully as he followed Freddie through the venue. He had an arm around his shoulder, and they laughed amongst themselves.

Brian rolled his eyes as he reluctantly followed behind with John. Roger and Freddie were usually the ones encouraging the other, a bit like naughty school-children.

They’d just come from a dull after-party in a bar around the corner. They were in San Francisco, and the band didn’t have to fly out to Vancouver for another couple of days. That gave them time to let their hair down a little, so to speak.

“Don’t encourage him!” John said loudly, getting their attention as they made it to the bar.

Freddie gave him a look over Roger’s shoulder. “Don’t be a spoilsport, Deaky.”

“Yeah. Don’t be a spoilsport, Deaky!” Roger agreed, nudging him softly with his elbow. He huffed in response, and Roger leaned towards Freddie with a smile. “Oh. Ignore him. He’s only being sour because that groupie tried to stick her tongue down my throat earlier. He should take it as a compliment that people want a piece of his boyfriend’s arse.”

Freddie raised an eyebrow at Roger’s tone, even when he reluctantly knew Roger wasn’t exaggerating. A few of their fans had been selected to meet with the band before the show. Roger had gotten paired with a pretty brunette. When she’d asked for a hug, she’d practically tried to snog his face off. Roger stepped back instantly and told her in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t interested. Freddie didn’t think the old Roger would have done that, interested or not. Roger had ended their conversation, and the backstage crew had quickly moved her on before she could finish asking him for his autograph. But John hadn’t quite managed to mask his disapproval at her behaviour.

“Modesty has never been your strong point, has it Rog?”

“Like you’re one to talk.” Roger snorted.

“That’s why me and you are such good friends, dear.”

“True, Fred,” Roger laughed in response, before turning back to John and Brian. “Who wants shots?”

“I’ll just have a beer, thanks.”

“For fuck’s sake, Deaky.” Roger groaned. “Live a little, would you?”

“Fine. I’ll have one.”

Roger grinned in triumph, before looking over at Brian expectantly. He’d been a little quiet tonight, but then he’d virtually been like that since he’d found out about Chrissie.

“You having one, Brian?”

“Err, yeah go on then.”

Roger nodded, before he looked expectantly at the blonde barmaid making her way over. He ordered their drinks, ignoring the look John was giving him as he ordered John both a beer and a shot of vodka. Instead, he watched as the barmaid gave him a smile, playing shyly with a lock of hair as she looked at him, before reluctantly moving away to get the drinks he asked for.

John couldn’t quite keep his face neutral as Roger turned back to look at him.

“Hey, it could be worst. At least she didn’t throw herself at me.”

John didn’t look amused by Roger’s tone. “I can handle women giving you the eye. I virtually expect it, given that most of the female population seem unable to resist you.”

“Yeah well, difference is that now I only concern myself over your inability to resist me.” Roger said with a smirk.

“Having said that,” John continued, eyes still serious. “I didn’t like the way that woman came onto you earlier. I’m assuming you didn’t say anything to make her think that was what you wanted.

Roger’s eyebrows furrowed in response. “No of course I didn’t—”

“Exactly. And if that had been the other way around, it probably would have been viewed differently. And that’s what I’m struggling to get my head around.”

Roger sighed in response. John might have had a point, but the woman had been harmless.

“Maybe you’re right, but it wasn’t a big deal. She was obviously a little starstruck, and look, maybe she misread the situation when I agreed to give her a hug, but she was only young—”

“That doesn’t make it okay.”

“I suppose not, but there was no harm done. Besides, she’s not the first woman to come onto me like that.”

“And you didn’t mind it?”

“Not really. Usually, I’d have already been sweet-talking them in the hope of fucking them by the end of the night anyway. Women throwing themselves at us usually comes hand in hand with being in a rock and roll band, in case you haven’t noticed, Deaky.”

“I know, I know, I just…” John trailed off uneasily, a look of uncertainty in his eyes. “I just didn’t like it. The way she was all over you. It’s different if you’d have wanted it. Obviously, I’d fucking hate it if you ever felt like that but—”

“Yeah well, I don’t.” Roger said quickly, ignoring the look the bartender was giving him as she set down their drinks. He was more interested in what John had to say. He paid for them, listening closely as John continued with that thought.

 “I just felt a little uneasy at the way she tried to grab you, that’s all.” John admitted quietly. “I know I’m probably making a mountain out of a molehill, but just because we’re in a rock and roll band doesn’t mean we should expect to have people invading our space like that. That’s all I’m saying.”

Roger nodded in understanding.

Back in the early days, after he’d been honest with the band about an abusive situation he’d found himself in, they’d all rallied to support him. There’d been a few times Roger had felt like he couldn’t breathe after a particularly volatile gig, or he lashed out at the slightest thing because Roger didn’t know how to cope with it all.

He could at least appreciate that John probably still felt an air of protectiveness over somebody invading his personal space like that without permission.

“If it makes you feel any better, I could have a word with Jimmy. Get him to dial up the security at the gigs for a bit.”

Jimmy was the band’s head of security, and he took his job seriously.

“No, don’t worry. This is my thing. And I’ll get over it now that I know it didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. I just got kind of…protective, I guess.”

“I get it, Deaky,” Roger assured him with a smile. “But honestly, if I’d have been that bothered, I’d have made it clear. Okay?”

“Okay,” John said, his tone relieved.

Roger turned to pass Freddie his shot, and Freddie looked at him expectantly. He had been trying not to listen, but he’d heard part of it given that he was stood beside Roger.

“Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.”

Freddie nodded, before his eyes moved back behind Roger. Brian and John clinked their glasses, both downing their shots. John laughed at the way Brian winched. At least Brian didn’t seem as tense. Not that the two of them had talked much over the last few weeks, aside for when they talked about upcoming gigs, or about the technical side of things.

“Stop it.”

Freddie sighed, his eyes moving back to Roger. “Stop what?”

“ _That_.”

“So I’m not allowed to worry about my friend anymore. Is that what you’re saying?”

“Not at all. But under the circumstances—”

“We need to give each other space. Have I not been doing that?”

Roger had noticed that Freddie had. Not that it had seemed to change anything. Prenter had come sniffing back, and Brian had started taking up offers from men. But Brian still looked at Freddie as if he was virtually the only person in the room, and Roger knew that if Freddie encouraged that then Brian would likely get the wrong idea.

“I just think John might have a point. Looking at him like that might give him the wrong idea, which could in turn fuck him or his marriage up even more.”

Freddie gave him a look in response. “You and John spend a lot of time talking about us, do you?”

“Every waking hour. Can’t you tell?”

Freddie rolled his eyes, unimpressed with Roger’s sarcasm. “You’ve been spending far too much time with Deaky, dear. His sense of humours rubbing off on you.”

“That sounds like cynicism to me, Fred.”

“Maybe it is. I don’t enjoy the thought of my personal life being gossiped about.”

“We’ve never gossiped. We’re just honest with each other about the things that go on. Which given that all of this risks the future of the band, I think is only right.”

“Except it doesn’t. Because it’s over. So the two of you can go back to focusing on fucking each other instead—”

Roger gave him a look. “Watch it.”

“It’s no fun when the shoe’s on the other foot, is it dear?” Freddie said playfully. “Anyway on that note, I think it’s time we did these shots, don’t you?”

“Go on then,” Roger said with a sigh, knowing there was no point carrying on this conversation when Freddie had made it clear he didn’t want to.

They clinked their glasses and downed it, both of them winching a little at the taste.

“Right. Another round, I think.”

Roger laughed at Freddie’s words. He definitely had the stamina.

John relaxed a little more after he had a few drinks. They started playing a Bee Gees song, and Roger gave him a knowing look. He knew John would likely want to dance to them.

“You might as well give me a twirl, Deaks. Before either of us gets too drunk.”

John eyed him in surprise. Roger didn’t usually volunteer as his dance partner. “It’s unlike you to be so eager.”

“What can I say? I’ll happily endure dancing if it means I get to see you shaking that hot arse of yours.”

John rolled his eyes in response. Of course. “Any excuse to lower the tone.”

“I do when I’m with you, Deaky.” Roger said unashamed, giving him a long, appreciative look over.

“Come on then.”

Roger grinned in triumph, before turning to Freddie. “We’re just going off to dance for a bit. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Freddie snorted. “Well that doesn’t leave much dear.”

Roger gave Freddie a look, knowing he was purposely pretending not to understand the underlining warning behind Roger’s words.

Freddie watched John pull Roger towards the dancefloor with a smile. They made a good pair. But he knew the situation with him and Brian was different. Brian was still married and about to become a father. And Freddie was…Freddie. Despite how much he cared for Brian, Freddie thought he’d only end up breaking his heart. He’d never truly believed that monogamy was for him.

Brian’s smile fell a little as he realised this was the first time they’d been alone together off-stage in weeks. He’d always enjoyed Freddie’s company. But instead, he felt anxious. And a little sad. He’d missed his friend.

“ _So_ …” Freddie began uncertainly, eyes lingering on Brian. “Have you spoken to Chrissie lately? How is she and the…baby?”

Brian had given John permission to tell Roger and Freddie about the pregnancy. He thought it might have been easier on them both if it didn’t come from him.

“Yeah, I have. She seems okay. A little tired I think, but her parents are there at the weekend to see her.”

“That will be nice. Must keep you from worrying, knowing that she’s got company.”

Brian frowned guiltily, because they both knew that was the last thing he’d been doing. Freddie might not have seen it that way, but Brian did.

“I’m sorry if I’ve been a shitty friend lately.” Freddie said, knowing that he owed Brian an apology. Even if it might have been for the best, he missed hanging out with his friend. “I just thought that given the way things were, a little distance might do us both some good—”

“I know, and I understand.”

“Okay, good.”

Freddie felt like a weight had been lifted, hearing that Brian knew it wasn’t anything personal. But he still couldn’t help but worry about his friend. Freddie was feeling a little buzzed, and decided to try a little honesty. Brian had the same idea.

“I still don’t think you should be trusting Prenter—”

“I’m worried about the men you’re sleeping with—”

They stopped talking at the same time, both of them looking towards each other in surprise.

Brian frowned, automatically feeling a little offended by Freddie’s words.

“I’m sure you’re speaking from a place of concern Freddie, but are you really going to judge me for sleeping with different men when you did the exact same thing whilst you were trying to figure out your own sexuality?”

“I’m not judging. I’m just concerned that’s all.”

Freddie had wondered in the beginning if there was a chance that Brian had been sleeping around to make him jealous. Call him egotistical, but it had started at near enough the same time that Freddie began spending time with Paul again. There’d also been the few times where Freddie had been caught sneaking out company, just as Brian got back to the hotel with male company himself. Brian would grit his teeth, and head to his room without another word.

“Well there’s no need to be. Honestly.”

“You’re using protection though, right?”

Brian fought not to groan at Freddie’s question. He’d never felt the need to have this conversation when he’d been exclusively sleeping with women. Not to mention, this wasn’t exactly a conversation he wanted to be having. “Yes. Of course I am.”

“I just thought I’d ask.” Freddie said with a shrug, before sipping on his beer. “Not all men like to… _suit-up_ so to speak.”

“Seriously Fred? You have your answer, so can we change the fucking subject please?”

“Alright fine, we’ll talk about something else.” Freddie said casually, sensing Brian was a little uncomfortable at the topic of conversation. He bit his lip, fighting an internal battle. “Actually no, just one more thing.”

Brian sighed as Freddie turned back to look at him, ignoring the way Brian’s cheeks flushed with colour. “What Fred?”

“I know you don’t exactly want to be having this conversation, but what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t show any concern for your love-life.”

“Why? You didn’t seem that bothered before.”

“Well maybe I should have been. You’re a good friend, Bri, and I care a lot about you.”

Brian blinked in surprise at Freddie’s honesty. “Right well… thanks Fred. That goes both ways, you know that.”

“I do. Which is why you need my advice. Like you say, I’ve been through this myself.”

Brian nodded, exhaling sharply. “I suppose you have.”

“So what you’re doing now…that’s you trying to figure out your sexuality?”

Brian fingered the label on his beer bottle as he replied. “Well yeah. Maybe. I’ve not had to question it before.”

“So you think you could be attracted to men and women all of a sudden then? Or could that just be women and… _me_?”

It was arrogant of Freddie to consider that, but he was curious. It wasn’t like Brian had been with a man before their night together, and as far as he knew, Brian had never showed an interest in the same sex to him or the rest of the band. Even when Roger and John had gotten together, Brian could barely seem to stomach details of his two friends. But then, maybe that was more of a sign of denial.

Freddie hadn’t slept with Brian lightly. He knew it had the potential to fuck-up their friendship. He’d done it anyway. Given the opportunity and enough drink, Freddie knew he’d do it again. It was selfish. He knew that. But he liked being with Brian. That didn’t mean it _should_ happen.

Brian let his eyes flutter closed for a moment. He’d asked himself the same at least once. But then he did enjoy being with men, in the same way he’d been with various women. So maybe he liked being with both sexes. It was tempting not to answer that. To walk away. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave Freddie in a bar like this. They’d been to grottier places, but he didn’t like the way some of the men were staring at Freddie. Brian’s natural instinct was to protect him.

“So we’re really getting into this then? Here and now?”

“Seems as good a place as any.” Freddie said with a shrug as he suddenly reached for a cigarette. He put one to his mouth and lit it up. It wasn’t too busy in the bar. And the bonus was that nobody seemed too concerned about who they were. Which left Brian no excuse. “We’ve not really had this chat.”

That was slightly untrue.

They’d had words after the christening. Brian had taken him home after Freddie had drunk too much. By that point, Freddie spent the rest of the evening being sick. Then Freddie suggested that it might be best to keep their night together as a one-off. Brian had agreed, reluctantly so, knowing that it probably wouldn’t be healthy for their friendship to be together again.

“Except we sort of did. After the christening.”

“Sort of,” Freddie agreed. “I just wanted to check we were on the same page. I didn’t want it to be the elephant in the room.”

“Look, I get it Fred,” Brian sighed, trying to keep the frustration from his voice. “We agreed for it to be a one-time thing. Whatever we said at the Christening to each other had been nothing more than the drink talking. The whole thing didn’t mean anything, and now you want to move on and forget it ever happened. Is that summed-up enough for you, Fred?”

Brian had known that the night probably hadn’t meant as much to Freddie. That didn’t make it any easier to hear. It had been Brian’s first time with a man, and with Freddie, of all people. It had made his head spin, because he’d enjoyed it as much as he’d enjoyed sleeping with women.

Freddie raised an eyebrow at Brian’s tone.

“Not quite dear. It’s lucky you’re so gifted on that guitar of yours, because I don’t think you’d have a secondary career in mind-reading.”

Brian sighed in response. “Well am I wrong?”

“It’s not as…simple as that.” Freddie frowned, suddenly avoiding Brian’s gaze.

“How is it not?”

“Because you’re married—”

“Forget that for a moment.” Brian said, his voice a little desperate. “Forget about everything else, about what Roger or John might think, forget about Queen—”

Freddie gave him a look. The band meant everything to them all. “Now, I know you’re drunk.”

“Just humour me for a moment, would you?”

Freddie frowned in response, going back to staring at his bottle of beer. However he chose to answer this, it wouldn’t end well.

That night had been incredible for Freddie. Brian had been different to all of the men he’d been with before. Usually, it was rushed, and they usually focused more on their own desires. It could be a little rough too at times. Sometimes Freddie like that, sometimes he didn’t. But Freddie had liked the way Brian had kissed a path down his throat as he touched _him_ , the way Brian had been gentle as he’d opened Freddie up with his fingers, and the way he’d checked Freddie was okay as he’d entered him, as if he desperately didn’t want to hurt him, despite the numerous men Freddie had been with. Regardless, it had all mattered more because it had been with Brian.

But Brian was married. He had a baby on the way.

Freddie wasn’t in a place to make promises. He didn’t think it right to ask Brian to risk fucking up his marriage based on Freddie wanting to sleep with him again.

Brian’s gaze searched Freddie’s face uncertainly. “Freddie?”

Freddie exhaled sharply, deciding to try a little honesty. His selfishness won out. “Do you want me to say that I enjoyed that night, is that it? Of course I did, Bri. Would I let it happen again? Probably.”

Brian nodded, looking down at the bar in an attempt to hide his smile. His heart felt as if it was beating out of his chest as he heard Freddie sigh.

“But darling look, it doesn’t mean we _should_ do it again. You’re married, Chrissie’s pregnant, and the band is in a good place. Wouldn’t it be selfish of us to risk jeopardizing all of that?”

“Not if we…took a leaf out of Roger and John’s book.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do what they did. Don’t overthink it. Just keep it casual and see where things go between us. We don’t even have to tell Roger and John, if you don’t want to.”

Freddie took in the way Brian was watching him shyly from underneath his eyelashes, a trace of pink in his cheeks. Freddie didn’t think Brian had ever been _casual_ with anyone before. Even when they’d been in university, Brian was usually the one to dive head first into a relationship if he liked someone.

“Brian dear, look…” Freddie forced himself to say with a sigh, moving to put out his cigarette and pressing a hand to Brian’s arm before his brain could stop himself. “It wouldn’t work. I’d be up for it, you know I would. But it’s different when you’re sleeping with someone you know so well.”

“Like _Prenter_ , for example?”

Nobody knew for certain whether Paul and Freddie had been intimate or not. Brian found himself hoping not. But that didn’t stop him wondering.

“Jealousy doesn’t agree with you, dear,” Freddie said dryly, giving Brian a look. “Besides, Paul’s completely different. I don’t care about him like I do about you. And I certainly don’t trust him anymore than the rest of you do, I assure you. I’m not fucking stupid dear.”

“I don’t need you to look out for me. I can think for myself, you know.”

Freddie smiled, despite himself. “You might think that now. But it would change things. It would risk one of getting feelings. Besides, you have too much of a conscience. Having a full-blown affair right under your wife’s nose is far different to the one-nighters on tour. The guilt would get to you eventually, Bri.”

Brian chewed on his bottom lip, wanting to argue. “What about your conscience?”

“Fuck mine darling. I like you, and I like being with you. Of course I’d want to do it again.”

Brian bit his lip, trying not to smile again. He liked hearing Freddie admit to that far too much.

He knew Freddie might have had a point about his conscience though. The day after he’d slept with Freddie, Brian had brought Chrissie flowers out of the blue. Despite the lack of probability of her finding out about him and Freddie. Neither had it made him feel any better, especially when he’d seen the surprise on her face.

But he still wanted Freddie.

“Maybe that’s enough?”

Freddie sighed at the hope in Brian’s voice. “I think you’re doing the right thing in experimenting with men. You need to work out if it’s something you want to explore further, or if it’s just a phase.”

Brian nodded. He didn’t think it was a phase. Or at least, he didn’t think wanting to sleep with Freddie again was a phase.

“Don’t look so worried dear,” Freddie tried to reassure him with a smile, his hand still on Brian’s arm. Brian shivered at the feel of Freddie’s thumb rubbing soothing circles into his skin. It was a little distracting. “Everything will work itself out in the end, you’ll see.”

He wasn’t sure he believed that, but it didn’t matter. Not in that moment.

Then Freddie licked his lips. And it was like Brian’s eyes was suddenly drawn to the movement. Suddenly, he found himself wanting to surge forwards and kiss him. Despite the fact they were sat in a public bar and would likely be thrown out for public indecency, given America’s attitude on homosexual relations.

But Roger chose that moment to stand in between them, throwing his arms around their neck, and apparently oblivious to the tension that had settled between Freddie and Brian.

Roger laughed breathlessly as he smiled at his two friends. “As much as I love him, I’m starting to think Deaky is far too obsessed with dancing.”

“I hardly think you can judge,” Freddie teased. “You’re far too obsessed with cars, but he has to put up with that.”

“Firstly, that’s not even true,” Roger said, rolling his eyes at his friend. “And secondly, you’re never going to let that song go, are you? It was a _metaphor_ , Fred. How many more times do I have to say it?”

“A least another million,” Freddie grinned.

“Oh fuck off, Freddie. I know you’re just trying to get a reaction.”

“Looks like I’ve got one, darling.”

“I don’t know why I bothered coming back over—”

“Freddie, behave would you?” Brian asked with a sigh, knowing that they’d likely all regret it if he let Roger blow up in a temper.

“Fine, fine,” Freddie pretended to sigh dramatically, before giving Brian a playful wink at the look he was being given. “But only because you asked so nicely.”

It hadn’t meant to come out as flirty, and yet it had.

Brian stared back at Freddie with something akin to fondness. And Roger widened his eyes as he looked between them, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

“Another round, anyone?” Roger said quickly, desperate to move on from the tension that had settled between them.

Roger found himself wondering if maybe this was karma for all of the times Brian and Freddie had had to endure the looks of longingness that Roger himself had given John from across the room.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Roger, being third-wheeled by Brian and Freddie lol. But then, probably deserved for all the times he and Deaky were all over each other as he basically says lol. Hope you enjoyed the update! I managed to get another chapter done this week, and I shall be hurrying to get the next one proof-read and updated on here. There's a lot going on in the next few chapters, so stick around and see what happens. And as always, let me know what you thought of the chapter! :)


	30. Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy

Despite their conversation, Brian found himself in Freddie’s hotel room a few days later.

They did their gig and headed out to enjoy the nightlife of San Francisco. The gay scene was a little more relaxed, just like New York. And Freddie knew the sorts of places to hang out in.

Freddie had always been popular. Women hung on his every word. Men fell over themselves for a chance to be with Freddie. Brian spotted Freddie leaving with a man later in the evening. He responded by ordering himself another shot of vodka. He remained at the bar, forcing drink after drink down his neck until the room spun. Then he stumbled out of the club and into the nearest taxi. He hoped Freddie’s company had gone by the time he got back. He didn’t have the stomach to have to listen in from the room next door.

He was almost sober by the time he passed Freddie’s door. He did a double take when he noticed the door was open. Freddie was sat on his bed, his head in his hands.

“Freddie?”

Brian automatically thought the worst. Especially as he noticed that Freddie still had on his polo-neck and jeans.

“Hello Brian.”

“You alright? Did something happen?” Brian asked, concern in his eyes. He frowned worriedly as he paused in the doorway. “The man you left with, he…he didn’t do something you didn’t want to, did—”

“Don’t be silly.” Freddie said as he moved to stand, looking a little fed-up.

“So…what did happen then?”

Brian was struggling to keep the anxiety out of his voice as he watched Freddie flit around the room. Vaguely, he heard a low moan from somewhere down the hall, but it barely registered over the ringing in his head. “He didn’t take advantage—”

“I’ve already said no, haven’t I? Just stop fussing, Brian!”

Freddie sighed as he moved over to the fridge to pull out a miniature bottle of vodka. He shouldn’t take it out on Brian. He knew that. “I’m fine. Really. I’m just tired. And not nearly as fucking buzzed as I hoped I’d be by the end of this evening.”

Brian nodded, despite Freddie still being turned away. He remained in the doorway, watching Freddie take a sip of the vodka.

“That’s unusual for you, isn’t it?”

Brian wasn’t stupid. He knew Freddie liked to dabble with drugs. Even John and Roger occasionally took part. Brian had tried cocaine from time to time, and he’d smoked marijuana at university, but he didn’t like the way it made him feel. Like he wasn’t in control of his body or his mind. So he stuck to alcohol instead.

“I wasn’t in the mood.”

Brian nodded, continuing to watch Freddie as he moved back to sit on the bed.

“So you didn’t sleep with him?”

Freddie gave him a look. “Shrewd of you to notice.”

“Wasn’t in the mood for that either?”

Freddie’s eyes narrowed at Brian’s tone. “You’re nosy this evening.”

“Just curious. I thought you might want some company.”

Freddie nodded, looking satisfied with Brian’s answer. “Well if you’re determined to have this conversation then I’ll definitely need more vodka.”

With that, he took another sip, before nodding at Brian. “You might want to shut the door. I don’t think we’ll be disturbed, but better to be on the safe side. Reid’s not back, and from the sounds of things, Deaky and Roger are too busy fucking.”

Brian pulled a face. “Well that’s an image that’s going to need eradicating from my brain.”

Freddie held out the bottle as Brian turned back from closing the door. “This should help.”

Brian winched as he took a sip, the vodka burning his throat in a delicious way.

“So what happened with that bloke? Suddenly didn’t fancy him?”

Freddie frowned as Brian turned the conversation back around. He took the bottle back and watched Brian take a seat next to him.

“It’s not a big deal. I just didn’t feel like fucking the bloke after all.”

Brian snorted at the way Freddie worded that. “Unlike you.”

Freddie gave him a look at that. “Are you calling me a tart, Brian May?”

“I would never,” Brian smiled. “But it is unusual for you not to see it through once you set your sights on somebody.”

“Maybe so, but he was wearing Union-Jack briefs. Suddenly, I didn’t find him as attractive as I had when he’d been grinding on me in that club.”

Brian couldn’t hold back a laugh at Freddie’s words. “So that’s a turn-off for you, is it? Union-Jack briefs.”

They shared a smile as Freddie passed the bottle back so Brian could have another sip. “Maybe. Why’d you ask? I’ve seen you undress enough times to know that you wear boxers, not briefs, and never have I seen a pair with the Union-Jack flag on them. _Thank god_.”

“Nice to see you take such interest in what underwear I have on, Fred.”

Brian said it without thinking, and he quickly backtracked at the way Freddie raised his eyebrows in response.

“I just meant—”

“I take an interest in most of the things you wear, Bri,” Freddie commented lightly. There was mischief in his eyes as he took back the bottle. “I just do it discreetly enough that you don’t notice.”

“Right. Good to know, I suppose.”

Brian could feel himself growing redder at Freddie’s words. He didn’t mention the fact that he’d probably be paranoid the next time he got changed in front of him.

The tension settled, thickening the air between them as Freddie took another sip of the vodka. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “You realise you don’t have to keep me company? If you’re tired that is. I meant what I said. I’m _fine_.”

“I know,” Brian smiled as he watched Freddie drink. “But it’s been a while since we hung out. And I’m not tired yet.”

“Okay,” Freddie said with a nod. “How comes you’re on your own anyway? There were men checking you out too, I noticed.”

Brian thought that it sounded as if Freddie had started noticing a lot of things lately.

“Same reason, I guess.”

Freddie nodded, a twinkle in his eyes. “Well their loss is my gain, darling.”

Brian gave a small smile as he passed Freddie back the bottle. “You flatter me, Fred.”

“I enjoy hanging out with you. Don’t get me wrong, I love Deaky and Roger. And I love how happy they are. But you don’t spend hours talking about how Laura can already pull herself up without help, or threaten to murder the poor roadie who helps Crystal set up Roger’s drums because he’s not bloody doing it right.”

Brian smiled in response.

“No, I just spend hours trying to convince you of the advantages of a guitar solo, or tell you about why I find time dilation or space radiation so fascinating. Or at least, that’s probably what Roger and Deaky would say.”

“That’s them. I love the way you talk about space. Granted, I’m not as enthusiastic about it as you, or understand it quite as much, but you explain things in a way that I can. I always enjoy it when you’re off in one of your profound moods.”

Brian smiled at the way Freddie had worded in such a… _Freddie-way_. “But you agree about the guitar thing, is that what you’re saying?”

“Well I can’t be too nice. You’d worry I was being a suck-up.”

“Right of course, and we wouldn’t want that,” Brian said around a laugh.

He’d missed Freddie’s company. Just being able to chat like this.

“Well whilst we’re on the subject,” Brian said casually. The alcohol had gone to his head a little, and he was finding himself wanting to return the compliments. “I love the way you take the time to talk to us if you know we’re worried about something. And the way you gear us up before we go on stage. I even love the way you divert any awkward questions away from us during interviews. I could go on, but I fear we might be here all night.”

“Oh go on Bri, you know I love any excuse to inflate my ego.” Freddie teased with a smirk as he took the vodka back from him.

Brian chuckled warmly in response. Even still, he found himself complying to Freddie’s wishes. Just to see the smile on his face.

“Something tells me I’m going to regret this, but go on then. I love the way you encourage our ideas. And the way you make sure we’ve had something to eat before a gig, no matter how nervous we might be feeling.”

“Of course darling. I wouldn’t want one of you to be sick all over me halfway through something like _Bohemian Rhapsody_ now, would I?” Freddie teased jokingly.

“And I also…” Brian hesitated, his thoughts growing a little deeper now. “I love the way you worry about me like you do. It’s just…good to know you care, I guess.”

“That should go without saying, Bri,” Freddie said with a small, tense smile. He dropped his gaze quickly as he brought the bottle back to his lips to take another sip. Brian used that opportunity to continue.

“I love when you dance on-stage. Like you don’t care who sees you.” Brian said with a fond smile. Sometimes, it felt as if there was nobody else in the room. Or maybe that was just because Freddie had always found Freddie so fascinating. When he wasn’t concentrating on what he was doing, he enjoyed watching Freddie on-stage. It was a passion the two of them shared equally.

“That’s because I don’t. Why should I care who sees me? I already know I’m fabulous.” Freddie said with an outlandish smile, instantly making Brian chuckle fondly again. “And there was me thinking I used to annoy you when I grinded against your legs dear.”

“You could never really annoy me, Fred.” Brian said softly as he gazed at Freddie, watching him smile fondly in response. Maybe it was that smile that had Brian opening his mouth once more without thinking. “I love the way you…the way you…”

Then he stopped, as if realising what he’d been about to say. He offered a nervous smile at Freddie’s curious gaze.

“Ignore me. I’m getting all soppy.”

Freddie moved forwards, moving to set aside the bottle of vodka and resting his hand on Brian’s leg. “The way I what, Bri?”

Brian exhaled sharply, forcing the words out of his mouth before he had time to regret them. “I love the way you make me feel when we’re _together_.”

He watched the surprise on Freddie’s face and instantly wished he’d kept his mouth shut.

He frowned, attempting to move away from Freddie. Perhaps a little distance would clear his head. But Freddie’s hand gripped his leg tighter, and Brian quickly spoke again. “Ignore me, it’s probably just the vodka speaking—”

“I love that too.”

It took Brian a moment to register what Freddie had said, he’d spoken so quietly. But there was no mistaking those words. Or the way Freddie gazed at him with a mixture of uncertainty and fondness. Brian let himself act without thinking. He’d done too much of the latter recently, and it had gotten him nowhere. The vodka had given him the courage to act on Freddie’s words.

He leaned forwards quickly to press his lips against Freddie’s.

Freddie sighed into his mouth as he kissed him back. He wanted this. Secretly, he had done-so since their night together. With all the alcohol inside of him, it was more difficult to refuse.

He could taste the alcohol on Brian’s tongue and it made Freddie’s head feel dizzy.

It started innocently enough. With just the two of them kissing, Freddie’s hand still on Brian’s leg, and Brian’s hands at his waist. And then it no longer seemed enough.

It was like something changed in Brian. He felt an overpowering need to be with Freddie again. He pushed him back against the bed, his body following quickly. Their kisses grew rougher, their hands no longer willing to be still. They clawed at each other’s clothing, desperate to feel skin against skin.

They savoured everything after that. It was intoxicating.

Brian revelled in the softness of Freddie’s skin, the warmth of his body as he touched him, the taste of him against his lips, and the way Freddie sighed his name as he pushed into him. He wanted it all engraved into his brain. He wanted to remember everything about being like this with him.

Brian tried to be gentle, but Freddie didn’t make it easy with the way he arched his body, or the way he begged for Brian to go faster, harder. Brian gripped the headboard with one hand to stop himself being too rough as he slammed into Freddie at his request, both of them moaning at how incredible it all felt.

Brian didn’t last long after that. He came with a cry, buried deep inside of him. Freddie didn’t last much longer. Brian stroked him through it with soothing words, and gentle kisses.

They lay side by side afterwards as they caught their breath, the only sound remaining in the hotel room.

Freddie was first to move, reaching for his dressing gown and slipping quietly into the bathroom. Brian reached for his boxers, pushing his sweaty hair back from his face and wondering how he’d gotten here. If somebody had told him a year ago that he’d be in Freddie’s hotel room after sleeping with him for the second time, he’d never have believed it. Yet, here they were.

“Fuck.”

“My thoughts exactly dear.”

Brian blinked in surprise. He hadn’t heard the bathroom door open. Freddie was stood in the doorway, his face aglow from the lamp on the bedside table. His dressing gown was tied loosely, his skin was slightly flushed, and his hair was messy from where Brian had delved his hands through it.

Brian thought Freddie had never looked more beautiful actually.

“Fred—”

“I’ll save you the speech, Bri.”

Brian’s stomach dropped at his words. It would only be too easy to agree, to lie and say that none of it meant anything, and that they would be better off as friends.

“We said it would be a one-time thing.”

“Yet miraculously, here we are.”

Freddie’s forced smile didn’t feel very encouraging.

Freddie had been in this position before. Hell he’d been in Brian’s position before too. He’d had to give the same long-winded speech to Marcel just a few months back. It had been virtually immediately after he’d had that night with Brian strangely enough. He’d given it the whole cliché line of _not being ready for a relationship_ and that _he’d had fun, but it wasn’t meant to be_. He didn’t have the heart to watch Brian go through the same thing.

“Listen darling. Don’t overthink this. We had fun, didn’t we?”

Brian frowned, confusion etched into his features. “What do you mean?”

“I mean it doesn’t have to be a big deal. We’ve both had a lot to drink, and we’re probably just feeling a little lonely from being on tour and away from home.”

“Is that what you think this is?”

“I think it could be.” Freddie said, forcing a smile as he moved back into the room.

Brian didn’t believe that was true given that their first time had happened after a night at the pub in London. But he didn’t know how to express that. All he knew was that he wanted to try.

He stared at his hands, clearing his throat as he forced the words out, ignoring the way his heart seemed to beat faster as he did.

“I don’t think it is. Otherwise it wouldn’t have happened the first time. Besides, maybe I want this to be a big deal.”

Freddie sighed in response. “Bri, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I do—”

“But you don’t dear—”

“I fucking do, Fred.” Brian found himself retorting. He sighed and tried again. “Look, I do. I know exactly what I’m saying. Maybe I have been feeling a little lonely, but not for the reason you’re trying to tell yourself, I’m sure.”

Freddie raised an eyebrow curiously. “Which is?”

“That I’m missing Chrissie.”

Brian looked up in time to see Freddie frown. The situation was a mess. He knew that. But he was fed-up of trying to convince himself that this meant nothing.

“I don’t know how you feel about all of this. But I think it’s obvious that I want it to happen again.”

“I know that you might _think_ you do,” Freddie insisted as he moved to sit next to him. “But you could just be enjoying this because it’s new and exciting, and you’re suddenly realising that you’re into men too—”

“That could have been true had it not been for the fact that I’m certain that I’ve wanted this since practically the beginning.”

Freddie turned to look at him in shock. Brian’s stared back at him seriously, and Freddie’s mouth suddenly felt dry. He swallowed heavily, shaking his head as he tried to find a suitable response.

“Bri…what…that doesn’t make sense.”

“It doesn’t make it less true. I might not have figured it out until we slept together, but it doesn’t mean those feelings didn’t exist.” Brian insisted confidently.

He believed in this as much as he believed in Einstein’s theory of relativity in space. It was something that just was.

“Do you remember when that guy tried hitting on you back in the early days? So me and you kissed to put him off?”

Freddie frowned in response. It did sound familiar, but he was probably too drunk at the time. But he didn’t want to risk wounding Brian’s ego. Especially not at such a fragile moment.

“Vaguely.”

Brian didn’t quite believe that, but it didn’t matter. His point was still valid.

“We’d gone out to a club after one of our gigs in London. The club had been one you suggested if I remember correctly.”

The place had been very… _Freddie_. There’d been topless waiters and waitresses, pole-dancing, strip poker, and there’d been private rooms for people to have sex in. Not that some were bothered about finding somewhere discreet. It was all very loud and brash, and all about people basking in whatever pleasure they saw fit.

Brian was all for living in the moment, but he had felt slightly uncomfortable. it hadn’t really been his scene. It all seemed a little…seedy.

Freddie had spent most of their gig convincing Brian to come out in the first place.

Freddie had enjoyed himself. He spent most of the evening dancing and cavorting with various men. He didn’t leave Brian on his own for long, given that he’d spent all that time getting him to come out in the first place. Brian had watched him with a mixture of fondness and fascination. Freddie seemed in his element. Men were drawn to him. Women watched as he walked past. And yet, it was like Freddie was oblivious. Unless he liked you back. And then you had the pleasure of having his undivided attention.

And then there were the few stragglers. Who clung to Freddie’s side like a fish to water.

There was one man who Brian had seen Freddie flirting with earlier in the evening. Freddie had excused himself to go to the bathroom, and hadn’t bothered looking for him. The man saw him stood with Brian at the bar, and had headed over. He’d asked Freddie if he could see him again. Freddie made it clear that as lovely as he seemed, he wasn’t looking for anything serious.

But the man hadn’t gotten the message. Or hadn’t wanted to, it seemed.

When he kept trying to put his hands on Freddie, Brian had been up from his seat. He told him politely that he was making Freddie uncomfortable and that he should leave. When that didn’t work, he decided that perhaps he needed telling in a way he might understand better. But Brian wasn’t a violent man. He’d had a few drinks, so he had the confidence to do what he’d found himself wondering about doing.

Brian moved forwards and kissed Freddie. And Freddie kissed him back. It had been amazing, practically life-altering. They kissed until the man eventually got bored and wondered off to go and bother someone else. Then Freddie had pulled away and laughed it off like it was a bit of harmless fun. So Brian played along, pretending to agree. But it had been something he’d struggled not to think about every so often, until it seemed that he could no longer get it out of his head.

Especially when John and Roger became more official.

He watched how easily they’d gone from being friends to lovers. It made him realise that he might have been fooling himself by thinking it could never work with Freddie. Maybe he’d settled a little too easily with Chrissie. He’d married her on the basis that he couldn’t have his best friend. He’d been too much of a coward to make it work, let alone find out if Freddie felt the same.

He’d made excuse after excuse.

 _It would risk the jeopardy of the band_ , _it would ruin their friendship_ , _it would make the British press dislike them even more_.

And then Roger and John proved them all wrong. Granted, the media didn’t know about them, but in terms of everything else, it seemed to make the band grow stronger. If they’d managed it, maybe it could be the same with him and Freddie. Except now he was married and about to become a father.

Brian noticed Freddie staring at him expectantly, and realised he was waiting for him to finish that thought.

“Anyway, a guy kept pestering you. So I told him that he was making you uncomfortable and that he should leave. When that didn’t work, I had the idea to kiss you until he left you alone.”

“Ah yes. The famous _Orgy_ club.”

Brian snorted in response. That explained a lot. “That’s the one.”

“Yes, I remember that now.”

“I liked it. Kissing you. I kept putting it down to being drunk, and any feelings I had were down to us being silly and doing something we shouldn’t have. But I think if you’d have carried on kissing me, I’d have easily let it go further.”

Freddie nodded, pursing his lips as he thought about what Brian was saying. “Yes, but again, how do you know that’s not just because you like being with men?”

“Because I’ve _been_ with other men now. And I enjoyed it. But no more than when I sleep with women. It’s good, and it feels good, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that I want to see them again.”

“Brian May, you hussy.” Freddie teased with a smile. “So is your way of saying that you want to see me again then? I’m flattered.”

Brian rolled his eyes at Freddie fluttering his eyelashes at him, and pulling his best coy expression.

“I’m being serious here, Fred.”

“Yes, I know you are,” Freddie said with a sigh. He moved to stand in front of Brian, wanting to see his expression properly for himself. “So what do you want to do? Carry on fucking behind your wife’s back, is that it?”

Brian bit his lip as he gave that some thought. Then shrugged in response. “No…maybe…I don’t know.”

He felt dreadful admitting that he was tempted. It was one thing to sleep around when he was in different countries. He could try and keep Freddie separate, only be together when they were on tour, but they’d still know. Every time they all hung out, Brian and Freddie would both _know_.

“I like your wife. She’s always been good to me, and I like when she invites me round for a catch-up. I like her, and I like being in her company. But that’s as far as it goes.” Freddie said with a shrug. “Call me selfish, but I don’t feel I owe her anything, given that your relationship is none of my business. I enjoy being with you, so I refuse to let myself feel guilty over something that feels good for both of us.”

Brian nodded, hearing the hesitation in Freddie’s words. “Okay. But?”

“But I know you. You happen to have one of the purest hearts in the fucking music business. You cry when we watch _Bambi_ for Christ sakes.”

Brian frowned at Freddie’s words, even when he could see by his smile that he was teasing him. “You have to admit it’s sad. His mother dies.”

“Yes, yes, I know, but that still proves my point. The guilt would eat away at you dear. You’d probably end up blurting it out to her over your Sunday dinner at home or something.”

Brian pursed his lips, considering Freddie’s words. “So you don’t think I’d be able to handle seeing you behind her back, is that what you’re saying?”

Freddie sighed in response, his eyes remorseful. “Yes. That’s what I’m saying dear. Am I wrong?”

Brian dropped his gaze, feeling as if he was being scrutinized under Freddie’s heady gaze. He might have had a sturdy conscience, but he also didn’t have much willpower when it came to Freddie. And knowing that Freddie wanted him changed things. All Brian knew was that whatever this thing between them was, he wanted more.

“No. Maybe not. But then I’ve proven you wrong before, haven’t I?” Brian asked quietly, looking up at Freddie from under his eyelashes as he slowly reached out to touch the tie on Freddie’s robe.

“Many times, Bri.” Freddie said with a fond smile as he watched Brian start to pull Freddie forwards.

“Well then,” Brian said with a shrug. “Maybe I need to take a leaf out of your book. Maybe I should start being more selfish when it comes to the things I want.”

With that, he tugged on Freddie’s bathrobe a little harder, so that he was straddling Brian’s lap. He captured Freddie’s lips, swallowing his yelp of surprise as they fell back against the bed.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. That happened! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. I'm never sure if I'm any good when I write any kind of smut, but hopefully it was worth the wait. Anyway, hope you've all had a good week so far! :)


	31. (You're so Square) Baby I don't Care

Brian didn’t want the American leg of the tour to finish. But inevitably, all good things came to an end. The band would be in England for two months, before flying to Sweden for the European part of their tour. That gave them another month of being away.

Freddie made the most of the lazy morning after the band returned to England.

Unfortunately, he’d forgotten that he’d arranged a catch-up with Mary before they’d left for America. She gave an uncertain smile as she noticed Freddie’s unbrushed hair and that he was still in his dressing gown.

“I haven’t come at a bad time, have I?”

“No not at all darling! It’s wonderful to see you.” Freddie insisted cheerfully, quickly moving forwards to sweep her into a hug. She laughed softly against his shoulder as he gave her small waist a squeeze. He grinned at her as he stepped back, taking a moment to look her over. “May I say, you look as exquisite as ever.”

“Oh Freddie, stop it you schmoozer.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t love it! Besides it’s not schmoozing if it’s true.” Freddie said with a laugh. He held open the door wider for her to step in. “Anyway come on in, I’ll go and flick the kettle on.”

“No vodka?” Mary pretended to pout as she shut the front door behind her.

“You know I’m always up for vodka darling, but I thought it might have been a little early for you.”

“You’re probably right, given that it’s still just about morning.”

“Well you know what they say. It’s twelve o clock somewhere.” Freddie said with a grin as he made his way through to the kitchen.

“Even still, a cup of tea will be lovely thank you.”

“Tea it is then.”

They headed through to the living room with their tea, whilst Mary filled Freddie in on everything she had been up to. Then they talked about the tour, and how the band were being more recognized in America. And then talk quickly turned more personal. As their chats often did.

“So,” Mary started with a smile as she set down her cup of tea. “How are things with you outside of the band? Seeing anyone new?”

Freddie barely resisted rolling his eyes. Their break-up had ended amicably and Mary regularly asked about Freddie’s love-life. She liked the idea of Freddie finding someone who made him happy, even though she knew Freddie had only come out to those closest to him.

Freddie often gushed if he was seeing someone new. He didn’t have that option this time. But he didn’t want it to feel as if he was keeping Brian as a dirty secret either. Mary was a good listener, and she rarely judged. But she’d known Brian longer than she’d known Freddie, and she was still good friends with Chrissie.

“Well you know me. I occasionally see the same person now and again.”

Mary gave him a look of surprise. He wasn’t usually so vague when talk came to his personal life.

“Are you still seeing Marcel? He was marvellous.” Mary said with a dreamy smile.

Mary had been quite taken with him when they’d been introduced. But he was more interested in Freddie. He always attracted other beautiful people. Freddie had an easy charm, an intrigue that enticed people to him.

“No, not anymore. To be honest, I couldn’t really see it going anywhere.”

Their chemistry was incredible. But Marcel didn’t keep Freddie stimulated outside of the bedroom. Marcel wanted to talk about three things. Sex, exercise, and the importance of eating healthy. Freddie could talk about sex until the cows came home, but he had no interest in the other two.

“That’s too bad.”

“It is what it is. We had little in common apart from the obvious.”

Mary laughed a little in response at Freddie’s words. “And that wasn’t enough for you?”

“Darling, I know I’m a tart, but I still need somebody to keep up with me mentally as well as physically. Poor Marcel couldn’t exactly hold a conversation.”

Mary hid her next bout of laughter behind her cup at Freddie’s words. “So he was boring, is that what you’re saying?”

“In a sense, yes. And I know I’m being greedy, but I want to find someone with the whole package.”

“I get it,” Mary said with a smile. “I just wish I had the chance to meet someone with Marcel’s body. I certainly wouldn’t have kicked him out of bed.”

Freddie laughed at the dreamy look on Mary’s face. “Well, I can always give him your number. Marcel’s a bit like me, you know. He’s into women _and_ men.”

“Oh really?” Mary said, interest obvious from her voice and expression. “Then by all means, Fred. Give the man my number.”

They laughed between themselves at her eagerness at Freddie doing that for her.

“I certainly will darling,” Freddie said with a smile. “Besides, even if I was lucky enough to find someone that I want to be with, I’d still have to be careful. Discreet even.”

Mary’s expression turned confused. “Why?”

“Because of who I am, of course.” Freddie said. “I know there’s rumours about me. But nobody really gives a fuck about them, and they usually prove to be good publicity. But if I was to openly step out with someone and confirm my sexuality, the press would tear the band apart.”

“So are you worried about the band’s reputation or about bringing another person into the spotlight?”

“A bit of both. I couldn’t give a shit about what anyone thinks of me, but the band is…different. It’s not just my career at stake, you know? And even if I happened to meet someone in the spotlight too, it’s different to admitting that you’re in a relationship with another man for the world to see.”

Mary offered him a sympathetic smile as she watched him reach across to grab a cigarette.

“It seems to work for Roger and John. And I’m sure the band would understand. They’d want you to be happy, I’m sure.”

“I know you’re right, but it’s different when it involves them too. Roger and John are…they’ve never been able to hide how they feel. I think even Brian had some sort of an inkling in the back of his mind. But they’re still choosing to keep their relationship private, for the sake of the band.”

“Presumably this is all speculative anyway? Unless you’ve met someone you like enough to keep seeing of course.”

Freddie gave a weak shrug as he inhaled his cigarette. “Well funny that you should say that. There is one person I’ve been enjoying spending quite a lot of time with recently.”

“Ooh Freddie, tell me more!” Mary cooed, making Freddie laugh in response.

“Let’s not get carried away darling. It’s early days.” He said quickly. He might not be able to tell her who it was, but he could still gush about it like he would if it was anybody else. “But he’s a close friend, one that I’ve known for a while, and…I like being with him.”

Mary pulled a face at Freddie’s words. “It’s not Prenter, is it?”

“No of course not, dear! No, been there, done that, got the T-Shirt, and I _won’t_ be going back for a second try.”

“Thank goodness for that.” She sighed in relief. “I think I made it obvious how I feel about him.”

“You did indeed,” Freddie said with a smile. “That’s why I talk to you about this sort of stuff. You give me your honest opinion.”

“Of course. What are friends for?” She smiled back.

“I know Prenter’s still technically working for us, but our relationship is purely professional from now on. I’ve made that clear to him.”

“Even still, I bet Roger’s not pleased you’ve not managed to get rid of him yet.”

Freddie snorted in response. “Well you know Roger. As much as I love the bloke, Rog has quite the temperament.”

“He does. John seems to keep him a little calmer though. They look like they could be a good match.”

“They are. But don’t underestimate him. Deaky’s got a fiery streak too. But for the most part, he proves to be a calming influence on us.”

“That’s good. I think you need someone like that around.”

“You do indeed dear.”

Freddie chewed on his bottom lip, wondering if he should continue being honest. He would still be restricted with what he could say. But it didn’t mean he couldn’t gush excitedly like he would have done about anyone else.

“I have to admit. It’s a little complicated. This thing with the friend of mine.”

“What do you mean by _complicated_?” Mary asked warily. Then she rolled her eyes. “Freddie, please tell me he’s not married.”

Freddie shrugged innocently. “Fine. He’s not married.”

Mary sighed in response. _He knew how to pick them_ , she thought.

“Why can’t you find yourself a nice, uncomplicated guy to settle down with instead?”

“Because that would be too easy. Not to mention fucking dull.” Freddie said with a wry smile. He reached for a cigarette, still feeling the heavy weight of her gaze. “As I say, it’s complicated.”

“Please tell me that the marriage is an unhappy one, at least?”

He avoided her gaze as he lit up his cigarette. Freddie didn’t like to think too hard about that question.

“Does anyone know what goes on in a marriage behind closed doors?”

“That will be a no, then.”

“I didn’t tell you any of this for you to sit there and fucking judge me dear.” He griped as he inhaled his cigarette a little desperately.

“No. I imagine you told me all of this because you know I’ll tell you my honest opinion. And I’m telling you. I don’t like the sound of this, Freddie.”

“It might not be the most ideal situation—”

“ _Ideal_? Freddie, you’re basically this man’s bit on the side.”

“But it’s not like that!” Freddie insisted vehemently, turning to look at her desperately. “When it first happened, it was unexpected. For both of us. And so we agreed not to let it happen again.”

“But it has? Hasn’t it?”

Freddie looked away again, lifting his cigarette to take another drag. He could practically feel the judgement coming off of her in waves.

“Think what you like. Maybe it makes me a fucking awful person, but I like being with him. I refuse to let myself feel guilty, when I know that he feels the same way. Regardless of his marriage.”

“It doesn’t make you awful, Freddie. Please don’t think that I believe that.” Mary said softly, reaching out to press a hand to his leg. “If anything, it makes you… _human_.”

“The worst kind, I’m sure.” Freddie said with a huff. “Don’t think I’m an idiot. Whatever me and this friend have, it’s obvious that he’s not in a position to leave his wife. And I know I’m being selfish for letting it continue, especially because I know the wife myself, but her not knowing about this might not be the worst thing in the world. Especially, as he’s not exactly out of the closet when it comes to liking men either.”

“You weren’t wrong. It really is complicated.”

Freddie gave a murmur of agreement, and Mary sighed in response.

“So has it escalated into a full-scale affair or have you just slept together a few times?”

Freddie thought on that for a moment. “Well. When you say a few, are we talking on separate occasions, or how many times we’ve actually had sex?”

Freddie didn’t mention that those numbers differed slightly.

“I’m assuming if it was it was the latter, it would be quite a bit. Fuck. Freddie, this is such a mess.” She said quietly. “I’m guessing the man in question is someone who goes on tour with you. A roadie maybe.”

“Something like that.”

“Just…be careful. I feel as if despite you giving it the unconcerned approach about him being married, you actually really like him. I’d hate to see you get hurt or end up with your heart broken.”

Freddie gave a snort of derision. “Me? Broken hearted? I’ve got a heart of glass darling, I thought you knew that by now.”

Mary offered a sympathetic smile in response. “Sure you have, Fred.”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Argh?! We're getting so close to the end now!! I think I have another six or so chapters to upload. I haven't quite managed to write the end but I have it in my head about how I want it to be finished. Hopefully it'll be worth the wait! The next chapter is going to be a very interesting one, and I'll have that uploaded within the next few days, so keep your eyes peeled! Let me know what you thought of the chapter. :) <3


	32. The Night Comes Down

Freddie patted his hair self-consciously as he stepped out of Miami’s car. He’d offered him a lift as John and Roger had gone to fetch Laura. Chrissie had invited the three of them, so after making sure it was alright with Veronica, John and Roger had been eager to bring along the bouncing bundle of joy.

The dim streetlight shone above the car, illuminating Freddie’s reflection in the front window.

He’d changed five times before he’d eventually hop-footed it out of the front door at the sound of a horn. He was wearing a black and white floral jacket with a casual top, a pair of jeans, and some platform boots. He looked fine. But inside, it felt as if his stomach was doing cartwheels.

“Alright Freddie?”

Freddie took a deep breath, painting on his best smile as he glanced at Miami. Tonight was just another kind of performance. All he had to do was smile, and be his usual charming-self.

“Of course dear. I was just making sure I didn’t have anything in my teeth.”

Miami offered a wary smile. Freddie responded by sauntering over to the front door with as much confidence as he could muster, and ringing the doorbell.

Chrissie answered a second later, looking virtually radiant. She always looked nice, but now she had a glow about her. She was wearing a knee-length, fitted dress which accentuated her bump that bit more. Her dark hair was glossy, cascading down her slim shoulders in waves. Her hand rested over the swell of her stomach, pride in her eyes as she practically beamed at Freddie.

She was roughly six months gone by now. Brian had mentioned that she’d recently had her second scan.

 “I’m so glad you could make it, Fred.”

Freddie offered his warmest smile. “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world, darling!”

He stepped forwards, carefully welcoming her hug around the swell of her bump, before moving back to give her a once over, his hands still on her arms.

“Brian wasn’t underestimating, was he? You really have taken to pregnancy like a duck to water. How gorgeous you look!”

Her smile practically brightened further in response. “You do flatter me.”

“I’m merely telling the truth dear. You really do look exquisite. You shall have to tell me where you got that dress. I’d love to wear it for one of our shows. The Netherlands have quite the thing for men in drag, you know?”

Chrissie laughed in response, and it instantly made him feel more at ease.

“Oh Freddie, you are naughty. Not that we’d have you any other way, of course.” She said with genuine warmth, before she turned to look at Miami. She offered him a smile.

“I’m so glad you could come too, Jim.”

“Glad to be here. Thank you for inviting me, Chrissie.”

Miami could be quite gracious when he wanted to be. He smiled, stepping forwards so that Chrissie could give him a kiss on his cheek. He held up a small bag for her to take.

“This is for you. From me and Fred. It isn’t much, but we thought it would be nice to get you something for the baby.”

Her smile grew wider, surprise in her eyes as she accepted the bag. “What are you two like? You didn’t have to get anything.”

“Of course we did darling! It’s a big deal, you and Brian having your first baby! Besides, it’s a double celebration. Us not bringing a gift would be like turning up without underwear. A little crass.”

Freddie’s words had Chrissie laughing loudly, and Miami shaking his head fondly.

“Only you, Fred!”

“You can’t say I’m wrong though, dear.”

“I guess you’re right,” Chrissie said with a fond smile, before she stepped to the side, opening the door wider. “Anyway on that note, come on in and I’ll grab you both a drink.”

Freddie gave the hallway a long look round.

It used to be an empty vessel, with plain, beige walls. Now they were a bright blue, and distinctive art hung in frames. There was now a coat stand in the corner, and a shoe rack lined with various heels, trainers, boots and clogs. It all felt very welcoming and…family-orientated.

“Vodka and tonic for you, Fred?”

Freddie turned back to see Chrissie staring at him expectantly. “You read my mind darling.”

She grinned in response as she turned to look at Miami. “Brian says you’re a beer man. Is Heinecken okay?”

“Perfect, thank you.”

“I’ll just pop through to the kitchen. They’re all in the living room if you wanted to go on through.” She said with a smile, before disappearing through the hallway.

She’d gone brighter with the living room too. The walls had been painted in Freddie’s favourite colour—a summery yellow.

The fireplace still remained at the forefront of the room. She’d kept the two leather sofas and two armchairs, which was now sat around a coffee table, full with everybody’s drinks. There was a small television to the side, and a grand, black piano which hadn’t been there before.

Chrissie really had been busy. And it had all been finished just as she would have needed to start slowing down, in preparation for the arrival of the baby.

Freddie smiled politely at people he didn’t recognize as he followed Miami. Brian, John and Roger were sat on one of the sofas. Laura was being bounced in Roger’s lap, giggling away as they cooed over her. Freddie noticed they’d managed to pull most of her short hair back into two pigtails. She was wearing a dainty dress which Freddie could bet Roger had brought her. Roger seemed to enjoy putting Laura in pretty clothes. But that was hardly surprising. Like Freddie, Roger had taken an interest in fashion since the two of them had run a clothes stall together. Freddie felt a surge of happiness at seeing his two friends so obviously happy.

He looked at Brian, noticing the way one of his fingers was being squeezed by Laura’s chubby little fist. Brian’s face lit up at the sound of her laughter.

Roger smiled as he looked up at them suddenly. “Here they are. About time, you two.”

“Well you know me. I like to make an entrance.” Freddie teased with a smile. “Besides, I know that’s your way of saying you missed me not being here, Rog.”

“Sure. Like a prostitute misses herpes, Fred.”

Miami raised his eyebrows in response. “Charming language as usual, Rog.”

Roger grin dropped quickly at the look John turned to give him. “Isn’t it just? I thought we’d agreed to dial down the language in front of Laura.”

“Oh relax Deaky,” Roger said with a roll of his eyes. “It’s like I already said. She’s barely one. She hasn’t got a clue about anything we’re saying. Besides, does she look as if she’s scarred for life by my expletives?”

John paused a moment, watching the way Roger tickled Laura’s neck. She giggled, and squirmed in his lap in response. He turned back and gave John a smirk. He was rewarded with a wary frown.

“Not yet, she doesn’t.”

“Exactly. Besides one of us has to be the fun one.”

“Fun or unruly, tomato or tomahto.” Brian interjected with a snort.

Freddie smiled in response. “Precisely. You’re more likely to be the one leading her astray, Rog.”

“Yeah, well someone has to.”

“And of course it has to be you.” John said with a roll of his eyes.

“That goes without saying, Deaky.” Roger offered a casual shrug in response. “Anyway, it’ll even itself out. You will be the boring, no-fun father figure, Brian will be the intellectual Uncle who’ll teach Laura the guitar and tell her all about space—”

“I’ll take that.” Brian chimed in with a smile.

Roger smiled in response. “Freddie will be the mischievous Uncle, teaching her dance moves and making up stupid games to play—”

“Absolutely darling.” Freddie agreed with a smile. “And when she gets older, I’ll be more than happy to buy her first drink or teach her to smoke…but of course I’d never _really_ do that.”

“Hey! I want to be the one to do those things with her.” Roger pouted, before feeling John turn to give him the same look he’d given Freddie. “Which of course, I too would never do. Because smoking and drinking is bad for you. I’ll be rogue Uncle, teaching her the drums, and all the swear words I can think of, and ganging up on you instead.”

John smiled despite himself. “Yeah. Sounds about right, actually.”

“Right well now that that’s agreed, I’ll go and grab you both a drink.” Brian said, turning back to look at Freddie and Miami.

“Oh that’s alright, Brian. Chrissie’s already on it.” Miami said cheerfully.

Brian blinked in surprise as he stood up. “Right. Well, thank you both for coming anyway.”

Freddie gave Brian a look as he reached out to shake his hand. Freddie could tell Brian was nervous, as he wasn’t normally so…awkward. At least, Freddie seemed to be handling all this a little better.

“How long have I fucking known you, May? This is a bloody celebration, not a formal business meeting.”

“Language, Fred.”

“Oh bite me, Deaky.” Freddie teased from over Brian’s shoulder, before he stepped forwards with a smile and pulled Brian into a hug.

Brian chuckled quietly in response. “Right. Sorry. Of course it is. Not sure what I was thinking.”

“It’s all the excitement, I should expect,” Miami commented warmly as Brian moved back to hug him too. He nodded at Laura, who was still perched happily between Roger and John. “You’ve got all that to look forward to now, Bri.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess I have.” Brian said with a small, uncertain nod. He offered them a rigid smile, his eyes falling to the carpet as he wiped his hands across the front of his jeans. “Right. Well I’ll go and see if Chrissie needs any help. Fred, Miami, make yourself at home. I’ll be back in two ticks.”

Freddie watched Brian turn to leave, before moving to grab a seat next to John.

John offered Freddie a knowing smile as Roger continued entertaining Laura besides him. “Alright?”

“Of course dear,” Freddie replied chirpily. Even if he wasn’t, he didn’t feel like he could say anything in front of Miami. He was happy for Brian. He was excited that his friend was about to have a baby. He just wasn’t sure where that might leave the band or…them.

“You both look in your element. With Laura. She has quite the easy-temperament.”

“She has,” John said softly, turning back to watch Roger with Laura with warmth in his eyes. “The next couple of days could prove interesting though. It’s the first time she’s stayed for the whole weekend. Veronica thought it would be nice if we spent time together before we’re back on tour.”

“Yeah that was the reason.” Roger said with a snort as he stopped pulling funny faces at Laura.

John rolled his eyes towards the ceiling in response. “For the last time, Veronica does not have a date.”

“I still say that you don’t know that she hasn’t.”

“And you don’t know that she has.”

“Colour me intrigued darlings. What makes you think she’s got a date, Rog?”

Roger sighed, as he continued bouncing Laura on his knee. “I was telling her earlier about us coming here, and she mentioned Chrissie had invited her to this housewarming slash baby-shower thing. And she was saying how gutted she was to miss it.”

“Right. And?” Miami asked, only vaguely intrigued to hear the rest of the story.

“ _And_ I asked her what her plans were instead. That’s when she got all uptight. It wasn’t so much about what she said, as to how she said it.”

“Right. How did she say it?” Freddie asked with a raised brow. He wasn’t utterly convinced. “Did you not consider that it might be that she just didn’t want to tell you what she was doing?”

“No I haven’t, because why would she have openly offered up the fact that she couldn’t come in the first place? It makes no sense. She said she was apparently going out with a few girlfriends, and quickly changed the subject back onto Laura.”

“And you think she’s lying because she’s secretly going on a date.” Miami asked sceptically. “I’m not convinced, Rog.”

“That’s exactly what I said,” John agreed quickly. “He thinks she’s off out to meet a man just because she happened to mention that she was wearing a new dress, and because she had a bit of make-up on. Because of course she couldn’t be making all that effort just to look nice for her friends.”

“John’s right,” Freddie concluded with a nod. He quickly spoke again, interrupting anything Roger might have been about to say. “But that doesn’t mean she isn’t making all that effort in the hope that she might pull either.”

“Oh don’t you start,” John sad with a roll of his eyes.

“She could be. I can’t say I blame her. If she meets someone, she’s got all weekend to bring the lucky man home and shag his brains out.”

Miami rolled his eyes at the way Freddie worded that. “Honest as always, Fred.”

Freddie snorted in response. “Oh please. Don’t pretend you wouldn’t be thinking the same way. Just because she’s a Mum, doesn’t mean she’s lost any interest in sex.”

“Right fine, but this is just speculation anyway.” John said quickly. “Not to mention it’s none of our business. Even if she does happen to have a date, it’s up to her to tell us that.”

“I wouldn’t say anything anyway. You know I wouldn’t, Deaky. Not until she was ready to tell us. I can keep my mouth shut sometimes.”

“That’s debatable.” John replied to Roger with a snort.

“You just don’t like the thought of her meeting someone new and possibly getting hurt. That’s why you shut me down so quickly earlier.”

“Say that’s true. It’s only because I care.” John said defensively. “We might not be together anymore, but she’s still Laura’s mother. I want he to be happy. Of course I do. But I also want her to find someone who’ll have her best interests at heart.”

“Deaky darling, you sound like her bloody father.” Freddie chimed in quickly.

“He’s right. Look, I do understand. And it’s sweet that you care so much,” Roger said softly, reaching out to press a hand to his leg in reassurance. “But this is Veronica we’re talking about. She can handle herself, I’m sure. Look at the way she was at Laura’s christening. She practically drank Freddie under the table.”

“It’s true. And you have to be pretty hardcore to keep up with me.” Freddie grinned in agreement.

“I know she probably thinks she can handle herself,” John said seriously. “But she can be vulnerable too. She was devastated when her father died.”

“Well the only way she’ll know if someone is genuinely interested in her is by dating them. How are you going to react if she introduces you to someone? Are you going to interrogate him, until you’re sure he hasn’t got ulterior motives towards Veronica?”

“No of course not,” John said instantly, before shrugging quickly. “At least, not until we know him a little better first.”

Roger rolled his eyes, hearing the joke in John’s voice. “Very funny Deaky. Besides, if she hasn’t managed to meet anyone before Laura’s fifth birthday, we’ll just get her to interrogate him.”

“That’s not a bad idea actually.” John played along, sharing a smile with Roger.

“Yes, well when you two are finished planning the kidnap of any future man in Veronica’s life,” Freddie said with a snort.

“We don’t necessarily have to kidnap him to find out what his intentions are.” Roger said with a serious expression.

“Exactly. We could always put him under surveillance for a day or so. Make sure he’s not up to anything dodgy.” John chimed in with a smile.

“Anyway, going back to the original and less uncomfortable topic of conversation,” Miami said, quickly changing the subject with a clear of his throat. “I bet you both can’t wait to have Laura to yourselves for the weekend.”

“Yeah, we’ve been looking forward to it. Roger more-so,” John said with a smile. “He’s been counting down the days since we got back from the tour.”

“I have. I love having Laura around.” Roger offered a care-free shrug in response. “What can I say? I’m a changed man.”

“Who’d have thought? Leopards can change their spots after all.” Freddie teased.

He turned his head, watching Brian and Chrissie head back into the living room. Freddie noticed the way Brian’s eyebrows were furrowed as he made his way over to them with their drinks. Chrissie managed to mask her expression much quicker as she joined a group of friends and replied to something they were saying to her.

“One vodka and tonic for you, Fred. And a Heinecken for you, Jim.” Brian said as he handed them their drinks.

“Thank you dear.”

“Thanks Brian.”

He offered a small smile before nodding back at where Chrissie stood. “I’ll err…be back in a bit. Chrissie suggested we ought to mingle a little more.”

“You’d better go and mingle then, dear.” Freddie said in the most cheerful tone he could muster, sensing Brian’s lack of enthusiasm.

“See you in a bit.”

Brian followed Chrissie around the room as they talked to each of their guests. Every so often he’d slip away to go and get a drink for someone, or look back at the band to make sure they all had a drink. Then Chrissie would turn to Brian expectantly as some well-wisher cooed over the fact that they were expecting. He’d smile and nod in agreement and Chrissie would rub her swelling stomach over her dress, pride in her eyes.

Freddie was starting to lose count of the amount of times that Chrissie had done that.

Once they finished making their way around the room, Chrissie and Brian headed over to sit with the band. She asked them if anyone needed a drink before she sat down, and smiled when they insisted they were fine. She made a sound as she bent to sit in the armchair. Brian turned in her direction, worry on his face.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s just the baby kicking again, that’s all.” She insisted with a wave of her hand.

Brian nodded, moving to sit in the armchair next to hers.

“Has the baby been doing that much? Bet it must feel a little strange. I know Veronica said she never got used to the baby doing that.” Roger said with a smile.

“it did feel surreal the first few times. She’s actually been pretty lively lately. Here, you can all have a feel if you want.”

They took it in turns to feel the baby kick. Freddie had mixed feelings when it was his turn. He quickly pulled his hand back, offering Chrissie an uncertain smile as he moved back to sit on the sofa. Brian downed the rest of his beer after their eyes met.

“That’s quite something. The baby’s got footballer’s feet, I have to say.”

“There you go,” Brian said with a satisfied smile. “ _Footballers feet_ , Freddie just said.”

Chrissie rolled her eyes in response, even though she was still smiling. “Brian is convinced the baby is a boy. I’ve been really lucky with morning sickness, and he read in one of the pregnancy books that a lack of those symptoms usually mean it’s going to be a boy.”

“That’s a load of rubbish, if I’ve ever heard it.” Roger cut-in with a snort.

“If that was true, it wouldn’t have been included as a fact,” Brian insisted, before turning to John. “I know we were on tour for quite a bit of Veronica’s pregnancy. But do you know if she had a bad bout of morning sickness?”

“Yeah, she did actually.”

Brian turned back to smile at Chrissie as though his point had been proven as he stood.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” she said softly, reaching out to brush her hand against his as he walked past.

Freddie swallowed thickly and dropped his gaze as he took another sip of his drink.

“So Brian was telling us that you managed to finish painting the nursery the other day.” Miami said, quickly changing the subject.

Chrissie nodded. “Yeah we did, so at least that’s all ready for the arrival.”

“You should give us a tour now you’ve finished redecorating.” John said with a smile, ignoring the way Roger turned to look at him.

“That’s a good idea,” Chrissie smiled enthusiastically as she moved to stand up. “I’ll just go and tell Brian where we’re going.”

Freddie moved to stand too. “You can go on without me. I’m going to head out for a cigarette.”

“Okay Fred.”

Roger leaned towards John as Freddie followed Chrissie out of the living room. “You realise that she’ll probably spend all evening showing us around the house and talking about this bloody renovation of hers now, right?”

“It was either that or have her cooing over the baby, which one would you prefer? Besides, you’re one to talk. How many evenings have I had to listen to you going on about that bloody car of yours, or talk about the latest edition of the _Car_ magazine that you read?”

“That’s different. You like cars too.”

“I do. But I don’t enjoy spending three whole hours discussing whether your car needs an in-built stereo or not.”

“Yeah well. It’s a valid question. You already know the one I’ve got is rubbish, and Laura likes to bounce her head to the music, which she can’t do if she can barely hear it in the back.” Roger sniffed defensively. “Besides, I feel that I’ve more than made it up to you by fucking you in—”

“Not in front of _Laura_ ,” John hissed, quickly moving to cover her ears. Laura looked up at her father in surprise, as Roger rolled his eyes from behind her.

“Oh come on Deaky. She has to start learning the general gist of biology at some point.” Roger said with a shrug. When John’s expression didn’t change, Roger gave a sigh in response. “Fine. I’ve more than made it up to you by tackling you in every seat of that car. Is that child-friendly enough for you?”

“Yes. Well done.” John said, finally giving him a satisfied smile as he removed his hands from her ears.

Freddie followed Chrissie through to the kitchen. Brian was opening a bottle of beer. He rolled his eyes as saw Freddie had a packet of cigarettes in his hand.

“I’m surprise it took you this long. Was you starting to get withdrawal symptoms?”

Freddie pretended to narrow his eyes at him as he walked through. “I’m sensing judgement, Bri.”

“Well observed.” Brian grinned, before he turned back to Chrissie. She was watching him, a tight smile on her face.

“Having another beer already?”

“Well, it is supposed to be a celebration, Chrissie—”

Freddie didn’t hear the rest. He quickly closed the back door, shutting in their tensed voices. He suddenly found himself in need of this cigarette. He was almost glad that Brian was so anti-smoking that he’d banned everyone from doing so inside the house. Even if it meant Freddie had to put up with the endless lectures on how bad it was for your health.

Trouble was, Freddie usually let his thoughts run away with him whilst he smoked.

There was a small part of him which selfishly wondered what he had to look forward to after the band finished the tour. They’d be back to the studio quickly enough, but he was still in no rush to go back home. He had his cats and he adored them. But sometimes it would be nice to think that he had somebody there to come home to.

And sometimes, like tonight when he’d had a few drinks and was feeling a little light-headed from the alcohol, Freddie found himself feeling sorry for himself.

He flinched at the sound of the door opening.

“Sorry,” Brian offered an uncertain smile as he quietly shut the door behind him. “I was just wondering if you wanted company.”

Freddie wondered if Brian really was a mind-reader. It was impeccable timing, even for him.

“Chivalrous as always, Bri. Then again, I think I should be asking you that, shouldn’t I?”

Brian frowned, dropping his gaze as he tapped a pebble with his shoe lazily. The spotlight overhead the back door drowned his features into darkness.

“You noticed a little tension then.”

Freddie wasn’t sure what to say so he stayed quiet, watching him as he inhaled his cigarette.

“It always takes me a little while to settle back into normality when we come back from touring.”

“That’s going to have to change. Given the baby will practically be here by the time we’re back from Europe.”

Brian looked back at Freddie, his expression even. “You sound like Chrissie.”

“Well she’s probably just excited. We can all see how much she’s looking forward to having a baby.”

“That’s an understatement,” Brian mumbled unenthusiastically. Then he sighed heavily as he pushed back his hair from his face. “I sound like a miserable twat. I don’t mean to be. It’s just…I wish she wouldn’t nag me if I need a bit of time to climatize myself when I get home. Even if that means having a few too many beers.”

“Well. As you say, it is a celebration.” Freddie offered as lightly as possible as he took another inhale of his cigarette. He watched Brian closely. “Speaking of. Don’t you mind keeping me company whilst I smoke? Normally, you hate being within a ten feet radius of a cigarette. Something you’ll happy point out.”

“I do actually, but I think I’ve lectured you enough times about how awful smoking is for your health. I’m giving you a pass. For tonight at least.”

“Wow. That’s unusual for you.” Freddie snorted. “Even still, we all have to die of something, don’t we?”

Brian gave Freddie a long look as he lifted his cigarette again. “That was a little morbid, Fred.”

“Is it not true?” Freddie said with a shrug. “If we were all to give up every little thing that was bad for us, life would be so fucking dull that there’d be no point in living anyway.”

Brian smiled a little at Freddie’s words. “We’re all allowed vices in life, I suppose. I just wish one of yours wasn’t smoking. It’s no good for your lovely singing voice, you know.”

“Well. Smoking has turned out to be my less uncomplicated vice in life.”

Brian’s eyebrows furrowed questioningly. “What’s the other one?”

Freddie turned his head, making sure the kitchen was still clear of people before he replied. “Being with you. Which as it turns out is more addictive than smoking.”

It was meant to sound like a joke. Freddie was feeling bold enough to flirt a little. But he regretted his choice of words when he saw Brian’s expression tighten. He dropped his gaze again as he took another inhale of his cigarette.

“You should try giving Roger that same advice. About ruining his singing voice.”

 “I do. Daily. Trouble is that he never listens to me.”

Freddie gave Brian a disbelieving look as he flicked at his cigarette. “And you think I’m more likely to.”

“I like to believe you do.” Brian said softly.

“Well you are usually the voice of reason about this sort of thing. It’s nice to hear that you care though.”

Brian’s expression was unwavering. “You already know I do, Fred.”

Freddie pursed his lips, fighting a smile as he drew in a long, shaky breath around his cigarette. “It’s still nice to hear you say it.”

Brian looked back, through the patio doors. The kitchen light was on, but it was still empty. Satisfied, he stepped forwards with a smile. Freddie noticed Brian’s eyes were a little glazed. When he spoke, his voice was a little rough.

“I can prove it to you too if you’d like. We’ve still got a month of touring to make the most of.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Freddie found himself agreeing boldly. He could blame it on the vodka later. Especially for his next words. “Or better still. You give me a preview. Here and now.”

Concern etched itself into Brian’s eyes as he searched Freddie’s face. “Hang on. You can’t be serious—”

“Of course I am. I wouldn’t tease you like that by suggesting it otherwise.” He said with a wink.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea—”

“You’re probably right. But you can’t tell me you’re not tempted, Bri.” Freddie said knowingly as he moved to put out his cigarette with the heel of his boot. Then he shrugged as nonchalantly as possible as his head swam. “Besides, you know I’d make it worth your while, love.”

Brian bit his lip as he shivered helplessly as Freddie’s choice of words. The effect he had on him was instantaneous. It made him want to give in and be reckless. But it was different when he was at home. When Chrissie was under the same roof. Even still, his heart hammered inside of his chest at the thought of being with Freddie.

“We can’t. Not here. What if we were to get caught—”

“You and I both know that Chrissie will be off, far too busy entertaining.”

Chrissie lapped up the attention from her guests as she wondered round to talk to them all.

The way Brian hesitated made Freddie feel a little empowered. Knowing that he could make the usually-stoic Brian want to risk it all made his head spin.

“But if you’re worried, I can always talk to Deaky. Get him to keep Chrissie distracted for a while.”

He’d seen the way John had charmed Chrissie into showing them the house so easily. He knew John would be able to keep her talking long enough not to notice Brian’s absence.

“I don’t know, Fred—”

Freddie leaned in before he could talk himself out of it. He pressed a quick kiss to Brian’s lips before trailing a path to his ear. Brian shivered again, his hand moving to Freddie’s waist automatically.

Freddie’s hand was suddenly at his shoulder, against his collarbone. He could feel their warmth through his shirt. All he could think was how much he wanted the softness of Freddie’s hand against his skin.

“You know I can make you feel good, Bri,” Freddie murmured deeply. “Don’t you want to feel good?”

He moved back to touch his lips to his once more. A deep, rough kiss that had Brian’s hand tightening against Freddie’s waist as he kissed him back. Then Freddie pulled away, satisfaction in his eyes at the look Brian was giving him.

“I’ll see you soon, love.”

Brian sighed, knowing this wasn’t Freddie’s best idea. And yet, it made Brian want to do it all that much more.

He watched Freddie saunter back inside determinedly. Brian swallowed heavily, feeling giddy at the thought of Freddie sneaking upstairs to wait for him.

He headed back inside a couple of minutes later, pausing by the living room doorway. Chrissie was to the back of the room, talking to John and Roger. John looked as if he was listening more closely. Roger was feeding Laura her bottle from his lap, his eyes soft as he pushed her hair back from her face. Then he looked up, seeing Brian hesitating. Roger raised his eyebrows in question as his eyes moved behind him to the staircase.

Brian chose his moment to walk past quickly before he was spotted.

Freddie was upstairs, in the bedroom to the right of the master room. Chrissie had kept it as the guest room. It had its own en-suite, and the bed had been made up ready for anyone wanting to stay the night. Chrissie had spent most of the week decluttering it, after Brian had added his suitcase full of clothes to the pile after he came back.

Freddie was sat at the foot of the bed, legs dangling as he watched Brian enter the room. He almost looked relieved, Brian noticed.

“It’s a lovely spot for a rendezvous, don’t you think?”

“Nicer than some of the hotel we’ve stayed in, I’m sure.” Brian agreed lightly. He felt almost nervous. This felt different to being on tour. He licked his lips as he closed the door quietly.

“I suppose I should feel privileged then.”

“I suppose you should.”

He turned back to look at Freddie, suddenly feeling unsure.

“I realised earlier that I didn’t get you a present.”

Brian’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I thought you and Miami brought—”

“But that was for the baby. I didn’t buy _you_ a present.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t think that’s really necessary in this situation anyway, Fred.”

“Maybe not. But it is a double celebration.” Freddie shrugged as he moved closer. “Besides, I’m sure you’ll feel differently once you know what it is. Especially as it’s not something I give to everyone. Just the select few.”

Brian, a little confused, nodded at Freddie’s words. “Right. Well now I’m definitely intrigued.”

“Good. Now that I have you attention.”

With that, Freddie surged forwards and pressed his lips to his. He wound his arms around Brian’s neck as they stumbled backwards. Brian groaned in surprise as he felt the hard planes of the wall behind him. It felt amazing to have their bodies pushed together like this. Brian’s hands moved to Freddie’s waist, enjoying his shiver at the feel of his cool hands against his skin.

Freddie moaned as their kisses grew rougher. His head felt dizzy at the taste of alcohol on Brian’s tongue. His hands fell to Brian’s belt buckle and then to the zipper on his jeans.

His hands pushed at his jeans and boxers as he pulled away, letting them both fall to the floor. Freddie licked his lips at the sight of him, before discreetly spitting in his hand. Brian’s head fell back, a heavy moan slipping from his lips as Freddie stroked him. Brian couldn’t focus or think about anything else other than how good it felt, having Freddie touch him like that. He wanted to return the favour, but he didn’t get the chance.

Freddie suddenly dropped to his knees. Brian’s moans grew louder as Freddie took him in his mouth. He watched Brian from under his eyelashes, enjoying the look on his face as Freddie took more of him in his mouth.

Freddie had done this a number of times with different men. He revelled in making other people feel good. Especially if the other person meant something to him.

He could tell Brian was trying to hold back, to not thrust too deeply or pull on Freddie’s hair too roughly as his fingers wound against the strands. It made Freddie want to make it as incredible as he could. He wanted to make Brian come undone from his mouth alone, for him to revel in the pleasure Freddie was giving him.

So he moved back for just a moment, letting Brian close his eyes briefly as he caught his breath. Freddie moved his hand back further, enjoying the way Brian’s breath hitched as he traced a finger against his entrance. He paused for just a moment, long enough to lube up his fingers with his saliva and press into him as he took him back in his mouth at the same time.

He sped up, and Brian’s head thrashed in response. The pleasure rippling through him was immense, and like nothing Brian had experience with anyone else. That only increased as Freddie’s fingers moved inside of him. He bit his lip, desperately trying not to be too loud. But Freddie didn’t make it easy.

Brian cried out as Freddie pressed against his prostate. He felt a smidge of satisfaction in the way Brian begged him to go faster. Freddie pressed a third finger into him, and his mouth moved over him faster.

“ _Oh_ …Fred, I…I’m close.”

Brian felt slightly embarrassed at how quickly Freddie had gotten him off. He knew just what to do to make him feel good, and it showed.

He let his hand push at Freddie’s shoulder, warning him to pull away. He didn’t want to put Freddie in a situation where he didn’t have time to decide. But instead, Freddie’s mouth moved faster around him, and Brian’s breath hitched at the way Freddie traced his thumb against his balls.

That was all it took.

Brian cried out Freddie’s name, squeezing his eyes shut and seeing stars behind his eyelids as he came.

Freddie discreetly swallowed, and that was that. He liked simply knowing that he’d managed to make Brian feel good.

He looked up at Brian with a proud look in his eyes, noticing the way he’d slumped back against the wall slightly. Once Brian caught his breath and his legs didn’t feel so much like jelly, Freddie helped clean Brian up before he pulled up his jeans and underwear, the two of them sharing a small smile at the moment they just shared.

“I hope you enjoyed your present, love.”

Brian gazed at him sincerely for a moment before he pulled him forwards into a quick kiss. “That was incredible, Fred.”

“Good. You can make it up to me when we’re on tour.”

“I’d be more than happy to.” Brian said with a smile as he went to follow Freddie out of the room.

“Right answer love.” Freddie teased with a wink as they reluctantly moved back downstairs to the party.

Brian headed into the kitchen to get himself another drink, and Freddie went back into the living room, offering an uncertain smile at the look he was being given by Roger.

“Where’s Miami?”

“He just went to get himself another drink.” John answered as he pushed Laura’s hair out of her face. She was fast asleep, her head on his arm, her thumb in her mouth, and her legs resting between John and Roger’s laps. She was totally oblivious of the ruckus everyone was making as Freddie moved to sit next to them on the sofa.

“And where’s Chrissie?”

“I don’t know. She went to get a drink and we haven’t seen her since.”

“Well so much for keeping her distracted.”

Roger’s eyes narrowed at Freddie’s tone. “What did you want us to do? Tell her she weren’t allowed to go and get a drink in her own house? Just because you two can’t seem to keep your fucking dicks in your pants, it doesn’t mean we’re happy to be used as a fucking distraction—”

“Keep your voice down!” John warned urgently, noticing a few people had turned to look at the way Roger had raised his voice over the music. “And stop swearing!”

“Well,” Roger huffed angrily, reaching out to grab a cigarette. He rolled his eyes at the look John was giving him. “Yes, yes, I’m going outside. You’re as bad as fucking Brian, with your rules on _no smoking_.”

“Still banning smoking around Laura, huh?”

“If I can manage it, then he can too.” John insisted with a shake of his head, as they watched Roger practically storm out of the living room. it was impossible not to smile when Roger was off in one of his moods.

“Roger’s right. We both feel awkward enough being here, without you forcibly involving us in your… _situation_. We did it tonight because we didn’t feel like we had much choice.” John turned to give Freddie a look. “But we won’t do it again, Freddie.”

John had never really wanted to involve himself in it. It wasn’t until tonight that Roger himself agreed with him about staying out of it too.

Freddie frowned guiltily at his words. He knew he shouldn’t have involved them but he’d selfishly done it for his own gain. He looked away from John, down to Laura, where she continued to sleep blissfully.

“I know. You’re right. I’m sorry, John.”

John sighed, seeing that Freddie meant that. “Look, it’s fine. Well, it’s not, but that’s not the issue. I’ve got no right to sit and judge you, not when I cheated on Veronica. But I don’t want to be involved. And I don’t appreciate being put in a position where I feel like I’ve got no choice. Roger actually agrees with me. For a change.”

Freddie nodded, letting him know he was listening. “I won’t ask you either of you to do that again.”

Brian and Miami headed back into the living room, both with a drink in their hand as they talked amongst each other. Brian looked around the room, before frowning at John and Freddie.

“Where’s Chrissie?”

“Gone to get a drink.” John said carefully, keeping his gaze on Laura.

Brian nodded, concern in his eyes as he took a seat next to Miami. He took a sip of his beer, bouncing his leg anxiously. He stopped suddenly as Chrissie walked through the door. She looked a little pale, and Brian noticed that her eyes seemed a little puffy. It wasn’t obvious to the average eye, but Brian had seen her upset enough times to know.

He suddenly felt as if he might throw up.

He sank back against the sofa, watching her paint on a smile as she moved to talk to a group of people. He felt like the worst husband in existence, and an incredibly awful human-being.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH!! We are so close to the ending now. I've got a few more chapters to upload. I will just say, don't get too excited lol. It's not quite near to sorting itself out. But things will start to step up a gear. Hope you enjoyed the super long chapter and have a brilliant week! I shall try to update by next week :)


	33. You Don't Fool Me

Chrissie smiled at the way John played with Laura’s hair as he fed her from the bottle. John had always been good with children. It wasn’t a surprise that he’d been the first to have a baby.

And soon, her and Brian would have their own family.

She felt a flutter of excitement at being almost ready to give birth. She could picture Brian cooing over the baby the same way John did with Laura.

Chrissie was surprised at the way Roger had softened around Laura. He’d never seemed satisfied in settling, so she’d had her doubts when Brian had told her that Roger and John had started a relationship and were practically living together.

But Roger had proved her wrong. He’d proved them all wrong.

It hadn’t taken Chrissie long to get _it_. John looked at Roger like he was the most important person in the world. Like nobody else even compared to him. Roger used any excuse to touch him. His hand, his leg, or he’d fiddle with the back of his hair discreetly. She’d known the four of them for years and had never seen Roger or John be like that with anyone else.

“So have you thought of any names yet?”

She looked back at John, who sounded genuinely curious.

“We’ve got a few in mind. But we’ve not agreed on any yet.” Chrissie admitted. “I came up with Jimmy for a boy, and Sophia for a girl. Brian likes Louisa, Emily or Peter.”

“You’re opting of more traditional names then.” Roger said conversationally.

“I think so. My Dad’s name is Jimmy, so I’ve always liked that.” She said as she took one last sip of her drink. “Anyway, I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Where are you going?” Roger asked, his eyes widening as she struggled to stand.

“Just to get a drink.”

“Oh, I don’t mind getting that for you.” Roger said quickly, but Chrissie shook her head.

“That’s kind of you, but I’m fine. Besides, I need the toilet anyway. The bump has decided to press itself against my bladder once again.” She confessed with a sigh. Even still, she couldn’t help but run a hand over her swelling stomach fondly. Suddenly urgently needing the toilet was just another drawback of pregnancy, but it would all be worth it when the baby was there.

Still, it had been kind of Roger to offer. John really did seem a positive influence on him.

She offered them a smile as they watched her walk away worriedly. They probably sympathised given that they’d gone through all of this with Veronica.

Chrissie sighed as she saw somebody was already in the downstairs toilet. She didn’t think she could hold her bladder in much longer, so she reluctantly waddled over to the stairs.

It took her a bit of time to get up to the landing, and she was suddenly out of breath. She moved towards their bedroom and slipped inside to use the bathroom. Once she’d finished, she hesitated on the landing, feeling sure she’d heard what sounded like muffled moaning from their guest bedroom next door.

A long, breathy moan caught her attention. She frowned in response, wondering which of her friends had decided that her house would be a good place for hook-up.

At least Brian had done a disappearing act. He’d have likely been furious if he knew.

“ _Oh_ …Fred...I…I’m close.”

Chrissie froze, an uneasy feeling settling in her chest. She’d recognized that voice anywhere. She shook her head, telling herself that she was imagining his voice. Just because it sounded like Brian, didn’t mean it was him. Freddie was gay after all. And he was single. A fair few of her friends were single, and open-minded.

She moved quickly towards the stairs, deciding it wasn’t right for her to be stood outside listening.

Then she heard her husband’s voice again.

 _Fuck, Freddie_!

In all her years that she’d known him, Chrissie didn’t think she’d ever heard him sound so raw and needy.

She placed a hand over her mouth, quietening a strangled sob. Her legs felt like lead, and she suddenly felt light-headed and clammy. She stumbled back towards their bedroom quickly, barely making it to the bathroom before she begun to gag. She pulled her hair back just as she made it to the toilet.

It seemed to take ages to get it all out. She felt dizzy and weak, and her hands were shaking as she pushed her hair back from her forehead. He throat felt dry and scratchy too.

She groaned, holding her head up from the seat as she tried to get her head around it.

She’d known them both for more than seven years, and she’d had no clue. She couldn’t even begin to decipher when or how it could have started. Had they already been together before things got serious between her and Brian? Before they got engaged or married? Before she got pregnant?

Had they been laughing at her stupidity for weeks, months, or even years?

A lump suddenly lodged itself in her throat as tears filled her eyes without her permission.

Even now, the three of them frequently hung out together. How could they both act as if nothing had changed? As if they weren’t fucking behind her back?

She wondered if Roger and John knew about this. Or even management.

She snarled as quietly as she could manage, barely resisting the urge to throw something against the wall. _Of course they knew_! Brian and Freddie were the first people to know about John and Roger, so why would it not be the same when the roles were reversed?

She gripped the toilet seat determinedly as she struggled to get up. Anger was surging inside of her and she didn’t think she had the power to contain it.

They’d probably lied to her face so many times. Even when she’d welcomed Freddie into their home with open arms.

She pulled open the bathroom door, letting it crash against the wall as she paced back towards the landing, intent on confronting them.

But she froze instead. Her hand was still raised to pull back the bedroom door.

Who was to say that tonight hadn’t been their first time? And even if it wasn’t, it still could have just been sex.

Brian had made no attempt to mention anything of this to her.

Maybe it was just an affair. Maybe Brian’s head had been turned by Freddie’s bohemian lifestyle, and his casualness regarding relationships. There was no denying that Freddie was liberated and open to trying new things. They all knew that from the way he talked. Perhaps that was the attraction for Brian.

If Chrissie chose to turn a blind eye, maybe their connection would simply…fade away. They’d eventually stop.

At least she could say that she was giving Brian the one thing Freddie would never be able to. A family.

Brian seemed to notice Chrissie’s puffy eyes as they said their goodbyes to their guests and made their way upstairs. She put on her best smile and insisted she was fine and that she was just a little tired as she begun to undress for bed.

He nodded, finally accepting her response. “I don’t mind sleeping in the spare room tonight if you need me to. I know my snoring tends to keep you awake sometimes.”

“No, don’t. You spend enough time away on tour. I miss you.” She said, pouting a little as she watched him from the bed.

He gave a tired smile, guilt in his eyes. Despite it being his job, he felt bad about leaving Chrissie at months at a time. Except now, he had more to feel guilty about than just that.

“Okay. Well, I’m just going to go and give Reid a call. I know it’s late, but he wanted to go over something concerning the next album and I forgot to ring him back before the party.”

She turned her back on him as she removed her top, and rolled her eyes. Brian had made excuse after excuse to not go to bed at the same time since he’d gotten back. Now she knew why.

“Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I’ve barely seen you for months, Bri.”

She slipped on her chemise and turned to see him hesitating in the doorway. She bit the inside of her cheek as the guilt remained on his face.

“I know, I’m sorry Chris. I promise I won’t be long.”

“You always say that,” Chrissie said with a small pout. “And then you get talking about other stuff, and then you’re still down there an hour later.”

“Reid’s always been a bit of a talker—”

“Exactly,” Chrissie agreed eagerly, enjoying Brian’s gaze as he suddenly seemed to notice what she was wearing. Despite her pregnancy, Chrissie’s baby-pink chemise usually succeeded in getting Brian in the mood. “Ring him tomorrow. If it was that urgent, he’d have rang by now.”

She moved forwards slowly, biting on her bottom lip as Brian’s gaze slipped from her face.

“I don’t know, I’m still tired from the tour and—”

“That’s okay. I’ll go on top. I know how much you love it when I take control.” She cooed, using his hesitancy to her advantage as she pressed herself against him as closely as her bump would allow. She leaned forwards, her arms around his neck, and captured his lips with hers.

She kissed him firmly, deepening their kiss with a soft sigh as she let one of her hands trail a path down his body until she touched _him_. She felt a smidge of satisfaction when he moaned quietly in response, and she let him guide them back towards the bed without breaking their kiss.

Later, she remained on her side and pretended to be asleep. She opened her eyes a smidge, watching the way Brian paced the room as he re-dressed. Then he turned back at the door, and she quickly closed her eyes. She opened them again once she heard the click, listening as Brian’s feet padded on the stairs.

She tip-toed onto the landing after it had gone quiet, and frowned as she heard his voice downstairs.

“ _…just making sure you got home okay_ … _no, she didn’t seem to…I’ve not really had a chance to talk to her…yeah, about that…yeah, we did. That’s actually why I wanted to ring…I know, I know, I was just making sure you knew that…she just seemed upset, y’know? And…yeah, I know…but I meant what I said earlier…about making it up to you whilst we’re away…uh-huh…yeah, I know…god, I can’t wait to be alone with you again…fuck, Freddie, you can’t say stuff like that…I’ll make it worth your while, I promise…yeah, I know you do…okay…speak to you tomorrow…bye_.”

Chrissie frowned as she carefully and quietly moved back towards their bedroom. Perhaps she would need to use a little more imagination when it came to recapturing Brian’s attention after all.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, so that was an interesting chapter lol! I agree with the comments about Chrissie. Despite the fact that yes, it's horrible to cheat, I get the sense that Chrissie cares more about having a baby than she does about anything else, so you can kind of see why Brian might feel a little trapped, and how him and Freddie started. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Be interesting to know your thoughts! I actually felt quite bad for Freddie, especially when Chrissie thinks to herself about how he'd never be able to give Brian an actual family. Mean. :( Lol. Also, I have my first Rock Choir performance tonight and I am so nervous! So reading reviews after it will be the highlight of my day, for sure. Just saying haha. We're doing 8 songs, most of which we've not even been over, and I have to DANCE in some of them lol. I'm definitely no Disco Deaky haha, so I'm dreading that lol. Anyway, I shall let you know how I got on! :)


	34. I Want To Break Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, our Rock Choir concert was amaaaaaazing. I full-on rocked Since You've Been Gone by Rainbow, who remind me a little like Queen, I have to say. We're performing at my town's light switch-on, on-stage in front of about TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE, so no pressure lol. Enjoy the chapter! Receiving feedback will calm my nerves haha.

“We were incredible out there darling!” Freddie cooed enthusiastically as he handed out glasses of champagne. “Our best night yet, I think.”

Brian took the glass from Freddie, but offered a wary look at the same time. “At the risk of ruining the moment, we still have two more shows, Fred.”

“Yes, yes, I know, May, but we always bring the house down in London. We’ve basically cracked this fucking tour.”

Brian rolled his eyes, but couldn’t fight away a smile at Freddie’s words.

“He’s not wrong,” Roger said from the sofa. He had his shirt off and a towel around his neck in an attempt to cool down before he went for a shower. “We were fucking amazing. The audience loved that last number.”

It had been Freddie’s idea to add in _Saturday Nights Alright for Fighting_ after Elton had recently sang _Bohemian Rhapsody_ on his latest tour. Tonight was their second show in Liverpool, and then it just left London.

“I’m sure that drum solo for _Keep Yourself Alive_ got the loudest applause too, just saying.”

“Not to blow your own trumpet or anything.” John grinned as he sat down next to him.

“I don’t need to. Not when I have you for that.”

John snorted in response. “Remind me again why I love you? I don’t recall it being for your lewd humour.”

“I think my sexual prowess had something to do with it.”

“Bloody hell Taylor, you’re on form tonight.”

“Just wait until I get you back to our hotel room, Deaky.”

“Yes, when you two are finished planning your next fuck, I’d like to get on with my toast.”

“Oh fuck off, Freddie!”

“Love you too, Rog. Now has everyone got a glass?”

Everyone murmured, and Freddie smiled.

“Good. As Brian said, we’ve not quite finished the tour, but I wanted you all to know whilst you’re here that I’m proud of each and every one of you. We’ve gone from strength to strength, and I’ve got a good feeling about the upcoming years—”

“Get on with it, Mercury.” Crystal shouted from the back of the small dressing room.

“Suck my dick, Crystal!” Freddie shouted back, making everyone laugh.

Brian shook his head at Freddie’s antics, watching as Crystal over-exaggeratedly blew Freddie a kiss.

“In your dreams, Fred.”

“Trust me sweetheart, in yours. I’m an incredible lay.”

Roger snickered in response, ducking his head to whisper in John’s ear. “Just ask Brian.”

It didn’t go missed by Freddie. He whipped his head around to look at Roger. “What was that blondie?”

Luckily, John spoke before Roger could come up with a response. “Just that we know that to be true from all the times we’ve been forced to listen through the thin walls of our hotel rooms.”

“You should feel privileged, Rog. You might pick up some tips to keep John happy.”

He winked across at Roger, who didn’t seem to appreciate his joke. “Fred, you fucking wank—”

“Maybe it would be best if you got back to your speech, Fred?” Brian suggested quickly, sensing they were treading on dangerous waters.

“Fine. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’ve fucking loved being on this tour with you all, and I think we should get absolutely shit-faced to celebrate.”

They all cheered and whooped, and Freddie used their round of applause to go off and chat to Brian.

Crystal gave John and Roger a look as he moved to sit on the arm of the sofa. “That last bit was the wisest thing Fred’s said all evening.”

“Cheers to that,” Roger said, leaning over John and tapping their glasses together. He moved back and wiggled his eyebrows until John gave in and let Roger tap their glasses together too. He groaned as John took a slower sip, compared to Roger and Crystal, who both downed theirs. “Come on Deaks, we’ve got three whole days off.”

John rolled his eyes but drank the rest of it, and Roger grinned. “That’s more like it. I plan on taking full advantage of your adorable albeit slightly terrible drunken flirting.”

“I do not flirt when I’m drunk.”

“You always say that. And then it’s a challenge to keep your hands off of me. Which I’d be more than happy to ignore.”

Crystal pulled a face as Roger moved to press a hand to John’s leg, as he stood. “On that note, I’m off to throw up.”

“You’re only jealous because you’re not getting any!” Roger shouted before turning back to John. “He’s hit a dry spell.”

“Right. Thanks for sharing that.”

“You’re welcome,” Roger cooed, ignoring the sarcasm in John’s voice.

John had to admit to feeling a little sentimental. The after-party was being held at _The Peppermint Lounge_. The last time they were there, they’d been touring with _A Night At The Opera_. John and Roger had first kissed there. Granted, it had been a dare, but it helped both of them realise their feelings for one another.

Roger seemed to have the same thought.

They headed to the bar to get a drink. It was busy inside the nightclub, and there were lots of reporters around. They’d restricted entry to around two hundred of the public, but that was still too many in John’s eyes. He chewed on a fingernail, trying to ignore the feeling of being watched as Roger ordered them both a beer.

“Do you remember the last time we were here, Deaky? You couldn’t keep your hands off of me. Or rather your _mouth_.”

John huffed, turning to scan his eyes across the room before he moved closer to reply over the music. “If memory serves, it was you who asked me for a kiss that night.”

Roger shrugged in response, watching John go back to biting his nail as Roger paid for their drinks. “Well it was a dare. I only did it to impress the ladies we were with.”

“Is that so?”

“Hmm. Stop biting your nails. I thought you’d gotten out of that habit.”

John sighed, shoving his hands in the front pockets of his trousers to stop himself. “I had. Mostly. I’m just a bit…nervous.”

Roger frowned as he watched John give another look around the room. “Well don’t be, it’s fine. It’s only a few members of the press, and a couple of hundred people.”

“ _Only_.”

“Will you relax? Nobodies paying us any mind, not whilst Freddie’s keeping them entertained.”

Roger turned his head with a smile, watching Freddie sharing a laugh with a crowd of people who had managed to get tickets. Brian and Reid were off talking to members of the press, John noted, as he sipped his beer.

“Even still, we ought to be careful. Especially since they know about Laura.”

The media had found out about John’s daughter shortly before they’d started their tour. There had been rumours for months, and Reid had suggested it might have been time to address them at a press conference. That way, the band could confirm the story in their own way, without the media going along with anymore of their theories.

“Yes, yes, you’ve already warned me about being on my best behaviour, Deaky.”

John felt a little guilty as Roger rolled his eyes. “I’m only trying to stop them from hounding us. Which is what they’d do if they were to find out about us—”

“There’s my two favourite boys,” Freddie cooed as he wrapped an arm around Roger and John’s neck.

Roger turned to glare at Freddie. “What do you want, Fred?”

“Ooh, someone’s touchy. What’s with you two anyway? You look as if you’ve just come from a stern telling-off from Reid…you haven’t, have you?”

“No, of course not.” John said evenly.

“Then cheer up! You two should still be basking in the glow of each other’s love.”

“What the hell have you been smoking, Fred?”

Freddie gave Roger a look in response. “Nothing. I’m just in a good mood that’s all. I wanted to come and remind you that I’m very happy I am that the two of you have found one another.”

“Right. And now what’s the real reason for you being so sickeningly lovely?” John asked warily.

John grinned at the way Roger laughed loudly, and Freddie huffed in response. “I resent your tone, my sweet Deaky. But seems as though you asked, I’d love a double vodka if one of my lovely bandmates wouldn’t mind buying me a drink.”

“Why can’t you get you’re your own bloody drink?” Roger said indignantly. “Or better yet, get Brian to buy you a drink.”

“Fine. I will. But don’t come running to me if you run out of condoms in the middle of the night again.”

“Oh my god that was one time!” Roger shouted as Freddie turned and walked away. He groaned loudly as Freddie gave him the middle finger. “He’s such a pain in the arse.”

“You say like that the both of you aren’t a pain in the arse.”

“He’s worse than me,” Roger said with a shrug. He leaned closer to John with a smile as a thought came to him. “Besides, the difference is that I make it up to you by _fucking_ you in the arse instead.”

“Seriously?” John sighed as he gave another panicked look around the room. Luckily, anybody who had turned to look at Roger’s raised tone had gone back to talking amongst themselves. “Do you have to make everything about sex? And here, of all places.”

“Well given that I spent most of my time thinking about it, yes.” Roger said, before he winked at John. “Especially when I’m around you, Deaks.”

John shook his head, hoping his face wasn’t as hot as he suddenly felt himself. He hid it behind his bottle as he took another sip. “Behave. You can’t say this sort of stuff when we’re with the press.”

“I know. I’m getting it out of my system now. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be thinking of all the things I want to do to you later to commemorate us being back here.”

“Yes, alright. Keep your voice down.”

“We’ll see if you have that same attitude after you get a few more beers down your neck, Deaky.”

They reluctantly headed back to their booth in the corner of the room. They would be interviewed as a group first, and then they would give one-to-one interviews.

“So first thing’s first, how do you think the tour has been? A success?” A woman stepped forwards to ask.

Roger gave the young woman a long look-over. She had shoulder-length blonde hair and bright, blue eyes. She was quite pretty. She was wearing a black dress which clung to her slender body. But that wasn’t why she’d caught Roger’s eye. She looked familiar. He didn’t jump to answer her question. Instead he tried to work out if they’d met, or if he’d slept with her at some point.

Luckily, Freddie jumped in to respond instead.

“I think it’s been a success. Without sounding too arrogant, I think this has been our best tour yet.” Freddie said breezily. He turned to Brian with a smile. “What about you dear? You’re usually the one to tell us what you really think.”

“I don’t know about that,” Brian smiled. “But I agree with you actually…I think we’ve all enjoyed this tour. We all mostly like the travelling aspect too. I think that helps…Seeing the fans happy, and playing for them makes us feel as if we’re doing something right…Nothing really beats that feeling of being on-stage and having that kind of interaction.”

The reporter nodded. “And have you started working on your next album yet?”

“We usually wait until after we finish the tour before we start to focus on the next album.” Roger responded after clearing his throat.

“But we’re always writing,” Brian said quickly. “Quite often we’ll make the time to at least start it on the tour bus or on the plane. If we’ve got something in our head, you usually have to jot it down before you forget it.”

“Does being on tour help to inspire your song writing?” Another asked.

“I think so,” Freddie responded, as he reached for a cigarette.

“I think it’s impossible not to be inspired when you’re spending all of that time together.” Brian agreed.

Freddie nodded. “The trouble is we spend so much time travelling that you have to find something to do to keep your mind active. So we usually write lyrics and get some inspiration from each other, or play scrabble. That sort of thing.”

“So do you play scrabble a lot when you’re on tour?”

“We do sometimes. Don’t get us started with scrabble.” Roger pretended to groan. John laughed from besides him in response.

“It’s fair to say that most of our arguments probably stem from playing scrabble.” Brian admitted with a small smile.

“Yeah, mostly because we’ll all put down fairly common words.” Roger said with a shrug, before looking over at Brian purposefully. “ _He’ll_ put down things like quixotic or bezique, or any other bloody word I’ve not heard before.”

Brian rolled his eyes in response. “Roger’s still not forgiven me after I won it last.”

“I still say chutzpah isn’t a real word!”

“Not to burst your bubble, but even I have to reluctantly admit that it is.” John said with a sigh.

“You’re only saying that because you was tired and bored, and wanted the game to be finished, so you could go to bed.” Roger complained grumpily, and John chuckled in response.

They both knew that wasn’t the real reason. Roger had promised to do certain things to John when they made it back to their hotel room if they won, and John had tried to pay attention to the game, but his heart hadn’t been in it. Brian was more than happy to take advantage of that.

“No, it was because—”

John suddenly remembered where they were. Roger raised his eyebrows at the way John blushed as he looked away. He cleared his throat and reluctantly nodded. “Okay, maybe it was because of that.”

“So does the band argue a lot?”

“Err…no, not really,” Brian said quickly.

“Well that’s a load of bollocks dear.” Freddie said with a smile, as he inhaled his cigarette.

“Of course we have disagreements, I think that’s normal. But they don’t usually come to blows or anything like that. We’re actually quite tame compared to some bands.” Brian shrugged.

“Sometimes it does feel as if we could argue about whether or not the sky is blue or not though.” Roger chimed in with a smile.

“Yeah, but families tend to argue quite a bit. I think we see ourselves a sort of family, so it’d be stranger if we didn’t argue over silly things sometimes.” Brian cut-in again.

“Speaking of family, we heard congratulations are in order. Chrissie, your wife, is due to give birth to your first baby in the next couple of months, is that right, Brian?”

Brian forced a smile. He hadn’t been expecting to get asked about that.

“That’s right, yes. She is. Thank you. We’re both excited about it all actually.”

“How are you enjoying being a father, John?”

John smiled politely as a man directed the question to him. He didn’t really enjoy answering questions about his personal life, but he understood the curiosity now that they knew about Laura.

“Love it, yeah. I know a lot of people probably say this, but Laura is so laid-back. She’s a really easy child.”

“Yeah, she is. She hardly ever cries, which is unusual for children.” Roger agreed easily without thinking.

“Are you close to each other’s families then?”

“Oh yeah definitely.” Freddie answered quickly. “We think of Laura as our niece, I think. And we all tend to speak to each other’s families which I think is really quite lovely.”

“Talking of family, does seeing John and Brian having a family make the rest of you want to settle down too?” The blonde journalist asked curiously, looking at Roger and Freddie in particular. “How about you, Roger?”

Roger offered a shrug in response, playing it off. “Well I can’t speak for Freddie, but I know I’m certainly in no rush to settle down.”

“You’ve had quite an eye for the ladies in the past, Roger. Is that still the case now? Is that why you’re still single?”

Roger blinked at the way she worded that. It was very direct. He saw John reach for his drink in the corner of his eyes, looking equally as uncomfortable.

“Erm…well maybe a little, but I think for me, I’d rather focus on the band. Especially whilst we’re doing so well. If I was to meet someone, then of course I’d re-evaluate the situation, but I’m not actively searching for that kind of thing.”

“So you’re not still the heartbreaker of the band then?”

“I don’t think so.” He said with a nervous smile. John was still keeping his gaze ahead, his expression annoyingly neutral. “Like I say, the band is my main concern right now. We’re going to be really busy for the next few years, so it seems kind of beneficial to be giving that my full attention. Having said that, I definitely think I’m at the age where I’m reconsidering who and what I want in my life.”

John gave him a look in the corner of his eyes. Roger knew he couldn’t afford to give too much away. But he didn’t like being labelled as a womanizer either.

Another reporter cleared his throat. “Talking of success…”

And then that was that. The subject was changed.

Roger breathed a sigh of relief when they finished. They’d had some intense questions fired at them. He just had to get his one-to-one interview, then they would be free for the evening. They were allowed a short break in between to go and grab another drink or go to the bathroom.

John was one of the first to head to the bar, and Roger automatically climbed out of the booth to go after him. But he was stopped by John Reid, who offered an apologetic smile.

“Just giving you the heads up. The blonde’s asked to do your one-to-one.”

“Course she has. Can’t wait.” Roger responded dryly, before rolling his eyes at the look Reid was giving him. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep my mouth in check.”

Reid shrugged. “Or you could try distracting her from any other unwanted questions.”

“How do you suppose I do that? She seemed rather determined with her line of questioning earlier.”

“You’re a clever boy, Roger. And she seemed more than a little _interested_ in hearing about your love-life. Perhaps there’s a reason for that.”

Roger frowned as John Reid turned away and headed over to the reporters. Roger had no objection to a harmless flirt. Roger and John had agreed that they’d do it if they had to. That didn’t mean that Roger wanted to give anyone the wrong idea. Not when he was so happy with John.

He joined John at the bar, mumbling a thank-you as he passed Roger a glass of whiskey.

“I’ll give you three guesses as to who’s interviewing me.”

“Let me guess. Blonde hair, blue-eyes, wears a black dress and an obvious interest in your love-life?”

“That’s the one.”

“Good luck. Try not to give too much away with your answers.”

Roger sighed at John’s obvious worry.

“Reid basically told me to flirt. That way, she might be distracted from asking any unwanted questions.”

John nodded, sipping on his beer carefully. “That’s an idea.”

Roger watched him, trying to work out if he was genuinely unconcerned, or just being incredibly sarcastic. It was hard to tell with John sometimes.

“Sure. Maybe I should suggest taking her back to the hotel too. Make her think she’s in with a chance.”

“If you like.”

“I hope you’re joking.” Roger said in frustration. It was bothering him that John had closed himself off so that Roger couldn’t read him.

“You have to admit that flirting with her wouldn’t be the worst idea. It’s pretty clear that she wants to fuck you, and there’s no harm in playing along a little. It doesn’t mean that you have to actually do anything.”

“That’s alright then. Now I feel loads better, John.”

John hesitated, looking round the bar to make sure they weren’t being watched, before he replied as quietly as he could over the music.

“Look, it doesn’t mean anything, does it? You used to flirt with people all the time, whether or not you were in a relationship. What’s the difference now?”

“The difference is that I don’t want to take a piss out of you. Which is what it’ll feel like I’m doing if I let her think she’s got a chance.”

“What’s the alternative? You let her keep digging about your personal life, keep asking personal questions? She might make you slip-up, or say something you shouldn’t. Then what? It’ll just open a can of worms which we don’t want—”

“Oh _fuck_ this!” Roger exclaimed in anger. He ignored the way John’s eyes widened in response, the panic obvious as he gave a quick look around the room. “I thought you’d give a shit. I thought you’d fucking hate this as much as I do—”

“Of course I do,” John interrupted quickly. He sighed, trying a different tactic. “I thought you’d be in your element with this. Me giving you permission to go and flirt with a woman.”

Roger glowered at John, not appreciating his humour in that moment.

“Yes alright, I know I could be a bit of an arse when I was single, but none of that matters to me anymore.”

“I know that. And you know that. None of this is important, Rog.” John insisted softly.

He ached to touch Roger. To kiss away his pout. But he couldn’t. Not here. He’d love to go and find a dark corner so that they could talk without the fear of being heard. He’d be able to reassure Roger properly. He could touch him without worrying about being judged.

“Freddie’s in the same boat. But he doesn’t let it affect him. Who we are in front of the cameras doesn’t define us, Rog. It’s all for show. Reid’s out manager, and if he’s telling you to keep her happy, you should probably do it. It’s me you’re coming back to at the end of the night. That’s all I care about.”

“I get all that. I just think it’s not fucking fair. I want the world to know about us, Deaky.”

“I know. And I want that too, but we _can’t_. It wouldn’t be fair to risk everything we have.”

Roger forced a small nod, his expression still sombre.

John sighed, taking another quick look around the room. Freddie and Brian were both talking to the press with Reid, and most people were off on the dancefloor.

“ _I love you_. You know that, right?”

Roger’s expression softened at John’s quiet words. He could see this was difficult for him too. He couldn’t wait for tonight to be over so that they could go back to their room and be alone properly. “I love you too.”

“So that’s all that matters.”

“Right,” Roger reluctantly agreed.

It still didn’t stop Roger dreading his one-to-one like a hole in a head.

He reluctantly left John’s side to go and join the blonde reporter in another booth. She was perched in the middle, waiting. In front of her was a glass of wine, and a voice recording machine. He gave a stiff smile as she watched him take a seat to the left of her. He quickly got out his packet of cigarettes, needing a smoke right about now.

“Is it okay if I smoke?”

“Go ahead.”

She shook her head as he offered her one, watching him closely as he lit his up and breathed in the smoke. It calmed his nerves a little, until he noticed she was still watching him.

“Right. What did you want to ask me then?”

“Straight to the point. I like that.” She said with a smile.

Roger quickly looked away from her intense gaze, turning back to John. He was on the other side of the nightclub, talking to a male reporter. John was chatting away and didn’t notice the way Roger’s eyes lingered. It felt as if John was as far away as he could get. Roger wondered if that had been Reid’s idea. To stop anyone from getting ideas about them. Roger sighed, forcing himself to look back at the blonde. He fidgeted under her continued gaze.

“That’s me, I think you’ll find. Straight to the point.”

“That’s good. Saves any confusion.”

“Yeah, it does.” Roger agreed, staring at her expectantly. These couldn’t be her questions. Especially since she’d not turned her recording device on yet.

Almost as if sensing his thoughts, she finally moved to press the record button. “On that note, I’ll ask again. What’s the real reason for you still being single?”

Roger pursed his lips, trying not to show frustration at her continued personal line of questioning. It would give her satisfaction to see him slip-up. Journalists were just like that.

“Well as I said before, I’m choosing to focus on the success of the band right now. That for me is the thing I care about above all.” He paused to take another inhale of his cigarette, considering his next words with a shrug. “Having said that, the single life has it’s perks. It means you’re free to invite someone back should you wish.”

“Is that so?” She asked with a raised brow. “I can’t see everyone being keen on that though.”

“Everyone like who?”

“The band, for example.”

“Oh, they don’t care.” Roger insisted quickly. “They usually have their own company.”

“Do they? What all of them?”

“Occasionally,” Roger said, tone wary. “Anyway, you’ll find that management can be pretty discreet. It’s one of the perks of the job. So you know…if you’re free later, then…”

He let the words hang in the air as she lifted her glass of wine to take a sip. “That’s quite an offer.”

He shrugged, willing himself to play along. “A tempting one, I hope.”

Her blue eyes moved downwards, giving him a long look. “I’m certainly flattered. But unless you’re thinking of having a three-way, I can still think of one person who would most definitely have a problem with that.”

He frowned at her words. “Who’s that then?”

“Your boyfriend, of course.”

He struggled not to let the shock show on his face. Not whilst she was watching him so intensely, a ghost of a smile on her lips. She was just testing him, he was sure. There’d been rumours. Maybe she was using things she’d heard to trigger a reaction.

“I haven’t got a boyfriend, sweetheart. Luckily for you, I don’t swing that way.”

“That’s interesting. Because you and John Deacon looked pretty close at the bar earlier.”

Roger struggled not to react. Anger churned inside of him when he realised she was still recording. He itched to turn his head, to see if John’s interview was going better. But to do that would be to fan the flames further, so he took a long inhale of his cigarette instead, and stomped it out in the nearby ashtray fiercely.

“We were having a private conversation. One which required us to stand close together to avoid being heard. And the music was loud. Not that I should have to explain myself. He’s my best friend and my bandmate, and if you did your homework you’d know that all four of us are pretty close.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. Why do people, journalists especially, always expect there to be something more to everything?” He snapped before he could stop his temper from getting the better of him. “It’s rude, not to mention fucking offensive to everyone involved—”

“Have you finished throwing your toys out of your pram, Roger?”

He spluttered at her tone. “Excuse me?”

“I’m asking whether you’re done with your tantrum,” she sighed, moving to turn off the recording device.

“What is your fucking problem—”

“Luckily for you, I don’t have one.” She said with a sarcastic smile. “You might want to keep your voice down though, _sweetheart_.”

He sat forwards suddenly, as if trying to work her out. “Who the bloody hell are you?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know? I’ll have that cigarette now if it’s still on offer.”

“That all depends.”

“On?”

“You tell me how we know each other. I get the impression we’ve met before.”

“We might have. Why don’t you take a guess? Make things more interesting.”

Roger sighed, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling, but deciding to play along. “Fine. Have we slept together?”

She snorted in response. “Yes, we have. Bet that was a lucky guess on your part.”

He shrugged as he pushed the packet of cigarettes towards her and his lighter. “You said it yourself. I’ve had an eye for the ladies in the past.”

“Was that your way of telling me that you’re a changed man?” She asked humorously as she lit her cigarette up and passed back his lighter and packet of cigarettes.

“I like to think I am. To a degree,” Roger said casually. “Seems unusual that I don’t remember you. Or that acid tongue of yours.”

“In all our fairness, our night together was hardly ground-breaking. No offence.”

“A little taken. I’ve never had complaints before.”

She pursed her lips a moment, fighting a small smile before she inhaled her cigarette. “Yes, but then again, I imagine you don’t make a habit of shouting out your bandmates name at the peak of sex.”

“ _Ah_ ,” Roger said carefully. Suddenly it all came flooding back to him.

“Yes. Do you remember me now?”

“You were the blonde who dared me to kiss John on our last tour if I remember correctly. Laura, right?”

“It’s Linda, but close enough, I suppose.”

“In all fairness, you do look different.”

Her hair had been much shorter. There’d been something different about her, something that had caught Roger’s attention. He’d actually liked her. Perhaps if he’d not been so hung-up on John, he might have made the effort to see her again.

He’d been so flustered at moaning John’s name that he’d pretended to fall asleep virtually straight after they’d had sex. The morning after he’d insisted it hadn’t meant anything. But she’d seen through him. She’d encouraged him to find out if John felt the same. But Roger lost his nerve, and took it out on Veronica instead. Then after drunkenly confessing his feelings to Brian and Freddie, he finally told John on boxing day, and things begun from there.

“You didn’t mention you were a journalist.”

She rolled her eyes at his accusing gaze. “Technically I wasn’t. I’d only just graduated from university. I got this job a few months later. I was there to have a good time. Not to go undercover and shag a famous rock star. Besides, I’m not the type to blab about that sort of thing.”

“Oh. That’s alright then.”

She smiled, moving to put out her cigarette. She nodded towards where John sat, giving Roger a look. “I am however the curious type. You seem to have managed much more than having that chat with John since I saw you last.”

“You could say that.”

He raised his glass of whiskey, having totally forgotten about it over the past half an hour.

“Good. I’m happy for you. Really.” Linda said, her smile widening. “But you might want to consider being more discreet. I guessed from observing you that the two of you were intimate. I know there are rumours, but you’ll only be confirming those if journalists see the way you are together.”

Roger huffed in response. “You sound virtually like John.”

“He worries, huh?”

“He always does, but he’s gotten worst lately. He just worries that they’ll end up hounding us should they find out we’re together.”

“Obviously as a journalist, I can see both sides. Publicity about Queen sells newspapers, and it can’t do your tickets any harm. But you’re also entitled to a private life.”

“Exactly. He believes us confirming anything could jeopardize our careers too.”

“But you want the public to know, I’m guessing?”

“I don’t know,” John sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Yes and no. I just don’t want it to feel as if it’s some dirty secret. Especially because everybody still believes that I’m still single. That I can’t settle, or that I get bored, when in reality, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”

“So you want to flaunt that happiness?”

“Not at all. I want to behave as I would in the privacy of our home. I’m sick of stopping myself every time I want to hold his hand or kiss him, like I would with anyone else. I don’t want to have to worry that people are going to be sickened by the fact that we’re together. Because it shouldn’t matter.”

“It shouldn’t, but it does,” Linda said sadly.

“You sound as fucking rational as he does. How am I supposed to argue with that?” Roger groaned.

“I’m just being honest,” she smiled. “That’s not to say I don’t see your side. Homosexuality is now legal in some countries. Granted, not in all the countries you must visit, but I’ve never understood the disgust that comes with two men or women being together. But then I’m lucky in the fact that my parents had a Bohemian outlook about those sorts of things.”

“Lucky you.” Roger sniped before he could stop himself.

Roger’s mother was slowly growing used to Roger and John being together. And she adored Laura. But Roger’s father was yet to come round. He’d not heard a thing from him since he’d visited his parents with John to tell them of their relationship.

“Try to see it from his side,” She offered soothingly. “Where would you be if your fans begun turning their backs on Queen just because of your relationship with John? It’s not fair, I know that, but if hiding a part of your life means that you get to do the one thing you love more than anything in the world then…surely, it’s worth it in the end?”

Roger frowned in response. It was a bittersweet way of seeing things.

And yet, he’d always felt as if he belonged on-stage. Hiding their sexualities maintained Queen’s success, but it also meant denying that John and Laura weren’t his family. It kept them restricted on doing simple things like going on holiday or being seen too much in public. Their house was where they could escape the invasion of the press. But Roger felt as if that would only hold them off for so long.

Would he one day have to choose between his passion for music and the man he loved, and the daughter Roger practically saw as his own?

He looked back at John. He was nodding to something the journalist was saying, a shy smile on his face.

Roger craved the fame, the fortune, and the adrenaline that came with their success. But he loved John wholeheartedly. Giving up music, Roger was sure, would hurt much less than losing John and Laura in the long run.

o-o-o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Roger. :( Omg, we're so close to the ending now. Wahhhhh!


	35. Gimme Some Lovin'

John groaned helplessly into Roger’s mouth as he was pushed back against the door of the bathroom cubicle they’d found themselves in.

Brian and Freddie had gone off together once the band had finished their interviews. John headed for the bathroom and Roger had followed, checking it was empty as he waited for John to reopen the door. Then he pounced, kissing him roughly and pressing his body to his as he kicked the door closed again with his foot.

Roger hadn’t intended to pounce on John like he had. But the more he talked to Linda, the more he realised just how happy John made him. And how happy he seemed to make John. Roger had never been with anyone he wanted to settle down with. But with John, it had all felt so easy.

John’s hands automatically wondered, shivering at the noise Roger made as he groped his arse.

God, it was like he could never get enough. John didn’t think it would matter how many times they were intimate, it would always feel incredible.

Roger’s mouth moved lower, kissing a slow trail. He knew John liked his neck being kissed. John practically purred as Roger sucked on his pulse point. Roger smiled against his skin, feeling himself grow harder at the noises John was making.

Roger reluctantly pulled back with a groan, sighing in John’s ear softly. His voice was deep and raspy with desire. “Bloody hell Deaks, you have no idea how much I want you.”

“Actually, I think I have _some_ idea.” John teased, moving to touch him through his jeans.

Roger moaned, instantly thrusting his hips as he hardened further. It was almost embarrassing, the effect John had on him.

“Fuck,” he groaned, his head dropping to rest against his shoulder.

“My thoughts exactly,” John smiled, one hand moving to tangle in Roger’s hair. “As charming as it is that you practically jumped me in a bathroom cubicle, I’d rather take this back to our room. At least that way, we can be as _loud_ as we want.”

“Jesus Deaky, you had me at _loud_.”

With that, Roger surged forwards and pressed his lips back to John’s, cutting off his laughter.

The two of them reluctantly headed over to Reid after he noticed them trying to slip away. Reid wasn’t too impressed by any of them leaving early. He launched into a rant about how important it was that the band had a representative to carry on mingling with the press in the hopes of getting in their good fortune.

Roger had rolled his eyes and insisted they’d done their bit, and if they hadn’t managed to win around the British press yet then they probably never would. He also suggest that if Reid was so bothered about having a representative, he should ask Prenter. They knew how desperate Prenter was to be back in their inner circle. It would never happen, but he could believe it had for one night.

Before Reid give object anymore, Roger had turned and walked away. John followed. As much as he thought it important for the band to keep themselves in managements good graces, the urge to be properly alone with Roger was too irresistible to refuse.

Roger wasn’t sure how he managed to control himself during their tedious ride back to the hotel. His fingers drummed against his knee as he stared out of the window. John had given him a knowing smile. They were in the back of a management-owned limo, but Roger didn’t recognize the driver. It would be too easy for an acquaintance to sell a story to the press about how he’d had the drummer from Queen in the back of his limo snogging the face off of their bassist.

He’d been about to make his move in the elevator when they were joined last minute by a young couple, who had been all smiles when they recognised them. Reluctantly, John and Roger agreed to having a picture with them. They quickly insisted that they needed their sleep as they had an early flight when the couple began to ask a million and one questions.

They both strode towards their room, and John had pursed his lips to stop a smile as Roger practically jammed their key into the lock. They stumbled inside once the door had opened, their lips already connected, and Roger’s hands quickly undoing John’s belt buckle.

By the time they made it to the bed, most of their clothing had already been stripped away. John slipped off his underwear and laid back against the plush pillows, giving Roger an exaggerated once-over as he remained stood, shimmying off his own underwear.

“Don’t say a word, Deaky.” Roger warned as a ghost of a smile appeared on John’s face as he watched Roger stumble in his haste before kicking them away.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Good. Otherwise you’d have to go fuck yourself instead.”

John went to question the possibility of Roger’s statement, but then quickly backtracked at the look he got given. “That’s kind of physically impossible—I mean, _but my loins yearn for you, Rog_ —”

“Oh fuck off. I know that’s not your way of being sincere and romantic.”

John’s soft smile took Roger’s breath away as he climbed towards him on the bed.

“Do you want me to woo you, is that it?”

“No, I just don’t want you to be a fucking dick. Regardless of the fact that I happen to love _your dick_.”

John laughed in response as Roger crawled his way onto his lap, before taking a moment to enjoy the view. “That’s good to know. And lucky, considering that I love yours too.”

“So I should bloody think.” Roger smiled back, before moving forwards to kiss John again.

Their kisses grew rough again, their hands wondering. John shivered at the small gasp Roger made as he touched _him_.

Roger gave John one more quick kiss before pulling away to grab a bottle of lube and a condom from the bedside table. Once he’d done that, John made the most of Roger being distracted as he flipped them so that he was on top. Roger’s frown soon disappeared as John’s hand slipped back between his thigh and stroked him. He watched Roger’s head fall back against the pillow, another moan tearing its way from his throat as John used his thumb to trace the tip.

Only then did John give an explanation.

“I want to ride you, Rog. I want to make it so good that you won’t be able to keep a steady beat for the week, at least. Not without thinking of us, fucking like this.”

Roger groaned in response, thrusting forwards at John’s touch. He knew exactly what to say or do to get him off. It was exhilarating.

John took great pleasure at being in control. Being such a good dancer definitely had its perks.

Roger’s fingernails dug into John’s hips as John pulled off of him, before sinking back onto him in one movement.

Roger liked it when John felt empowered enough to take the lead. He liked it when he was a little rough too. When he’d pin his wrists down, or pull his hair, or bite his lip when he was close.

John arched his hips to deepen the angle. He leaned forwards so that he could suck on a spot just below Roger’s ear. Roger moaned in response. His hands delved into John’s hair, pulling his face upwards so that Roger could kiss him deeply. Roger pulled away to whisper breathlessly in his ear, that familiar coil building up inside of hm as John begun to move quicker.

“Fuck! John, I…fucking hell. I’m so close.”

John hummed in response, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration. He gripped Roger’s thighs, pushing them apart further and dropping back onto Roger. Roger moaned again, his hand moving back to stroke John, aware he was still painfully hard. John bit his lip roughly, his thrusts losing their positioning for a moment.

It didn’t take long from there.

Roger came first, buried deep within John, his mouth at his throat as he called John’s name loudly. John threw his head back as Roger continued stroking him. Roger watched closely, enjoying the beautiful look on John’s face as his hips moved frantically, before he moaned as he found his release.

John reluctantly climbed off of Roger, and helped clear themselves up, before they both fell back against the bed.

They were both breathless, their skin clammy with sweat, and their hair clung to the back of their necks in the same way they’d clung to each other not five minutes ago.

“Fuck me, Deaky!” Roger groaned, emitting a quiet chuckle from John.

“Alright,” John said with a smile, as he turned on his side to look at Roger better. “Just give me five minutes and I’ll be good to go.”

Roger chuckled quietly as he pushed his hair back from his face. “Best offer I’ve had all week.”

“You cheeky git.”

Roger responded by pursing his lips into a kiss. “Yeah, but I’m your cheeky git. How did your interview go anyway? I forgot ask because I was so…”

“Busy wanting to fuck me?” John teased when Roger didn’t instantly finish that sentence.

“Yes, actually,” Roger grinned.

“It was okay. He was nice enough. If not a little interrogative.”

“Oh?”

“He asked a lot of questions about me. It was a little…unnerving.”

“Well I guess it was a one-to-one.”

“I know. But you know I don’t enjoy talking about myself. He asked about my degree and how I managed to balance the band alongside university. Then he asked if I enjoyed the process of being in the studio and on tour, and whether I got lonely being away from home for such long periods of time. Then he moved onto my lyrics and the inspiration behind them, particularly _You’re My Best Friend_. I told him it was about an ex, and that things hadn’t worked out. He seemed to believe me.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“It wasn’t. But then he got asking about how I managed to relax after gigs, and whether I was planning on heading out after we wrapped up talking with the press. Then he asked me—quite directly too—whether I was seeing anyone.”

Roger raised his eyebrows at that, sitting up properly to look at him.

“Wow. Sounds to me like he wanted to fuck you, Deaky.”

“Maybe. Or maybe he was trying the same tactic as that blonde. See if I might slip-up and come out with something juicy.”

“Nah, I think it’s the first one,” Roger said with a knowing smile. Then he shrugged at the expression on John’s face. “I’m not sure why you look so surprised. You did look hot in that shirt. And he clearly thought you were interesting, given him wanting to take you out. I guess, it’s fortunate that I’m not the jealous type.”

“Yes well, back at you,” John said carefully. “Speaking of, how was the blonde?”

Roger fought back a smile at John’s tone, taking some enjoyment in John’s jealousy.

“Eating out the palm of my hand. She even slipped me her phone number. Said I should give her a call when we’re back visiting the city.”

John nodded, his expression frustratingly neutral. His tone was less-so. “Told you she fancied you.”

“I’m pulling your leg, Deaky! She didn’t fancy me at all. In fact, we knew each other. That was why she wanted to do my one-to-one.”

“How did you know each other?” John asked, his eyebrows furrowed. Then he rolled his eyes. “Let me guess. You’ve slept with her.”

“I hardly think you’ve got room to act superior. You’ve had your fair share of conquests. Besides, I think that I made it all too clear at the time that she…wasn’t quite my type.”

“By shagging her? Yeah, I imagine that got the point across nicely—”

“ _No_. She was with that dark-haired girl when we were last in Liverpool. The one who went back to the hotel with you. They dared us to kiss at the club, and then I went back to the hotel with her.”

“Yeah, I remember that. You seemed to get on really well.”

“We did. Famously in fact.” Roger said with a shrug. “That was until I…accidentally moaned your name instead of hers.”

John’s eyes widened in response. “ _Oh_. Fuck. I bet that was awkward.”

“Just a bit. Anyway, we had a chat about it all in the morning. I tried brushing it off as not meaning anything, which she saw right through. But she promised not to tell anyone.”

“Despite the fact that she was a journalist?”

“She wasn’t at the time, apparently. Not that I bothered to ask. But she seemed genuinely happy that things had worked out. At the time, she encouraged me to talk to you, instead of bottling it up and wondering what if.”

John nodded, a ghost of a smile on his face. “She sounds nice.”

“She was,” Roger said. He pursed his lips, wondering if he should tell John about her other bit of advice. “She also said we need to be more discreet. She saw us at the bar together and worked it out for herself that we were together by how close we were.”

John’s smile disappeared at his words. “I told you we need to be more careful.”

“Yeah well, I still say _fuck that_.” Roger huffed, before sighing at John’s expression. “Look. I get it. You only said all what you did because you’re trying to protect us both. I don’t like it, but I understand it. And if it means that we won’t have the press hounding us, then…I’ll play along. For now anyway.”

John nodded, relief in his eyes as he moved to take Roger’s hand. “I’m glad you understand. I don’t like it either, you know?”

“I know.”

“But things don’t have to change. We have our home. We can still escape there. We have Laura. We have our future together to figure all of this out.”

Roger nodded, giving John’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Yes. Together.”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a bit of a shorter one. I probably won't manage to update for about a week or so now, so enjoy this chapter for the time being. :) Hope you all enjoyed. I'm still not very sure I'm good at writing smut, but hopefully it was a nice, fluffy one for you all to enjoy lol. Let me know what you thought anyway! <3


	36. Is Everybody Happy

Roger smiled from the doorway, watching John feed Laura in her highchair. He was cutting up her banana bread whilst he talked. She watched him, giggling at certain things he said.

“…and you already know your Uncle Freddie likes any excuse to parade about on-stage. So it’s fair to say that he enjoyed the final show. And I think that’s everything to tell you about the tour.” John said with a smile as he lifted the fork and made airplane noises until it reached her mouth. She opened wide, watching her father fondly. “You’re all caught up.”

“You must realise that she doesn’t understand a word you’re saying, Deaky?”

John turned to glare at him. Laura babbled happily when she noticed Roger.

“Take that back. I reckon Laura understands everything I’m telling her for your information.”

“ _Dada_!” She shouted cheerfully, and John grinned triumphantly at Roger.

“See! She’s started doing that every time she agrees with me.”

Roger snorted. “Yeah. It’s not at all because you and Veronica have spent hours upon hours getting her to say _Muma_ and _Dada_.”

“No, it’s not. Glad we agree.”

Roger smiled at John’s decision to ignore his obviously sarcastic tone as he turned back to feed Laura. He stepped into the room, pressing a kiss to John’s cheek, and brushed Laura’s hair back to kiss her forehead, on his way past to flick the kettle on. John’s eyebrows furrowed, and Laura grinned up at him, showing all three of her front teeth.

“What was that for?”

“Nothing. Can’t I show the both of you a little love without having a reason?”

“Yes. It’s just unlike you. What have you done with the real Roger?”

“I tell you. I’m not appreciated in this household.” Roger sniffed. “Much like I don’t appreciate your humour at this point in time, Deaky.”

“Luckily for me, Laura seems to.”

“Laura hasn’t learned to tell you otherwise yet.”

John huffed unappreciatively before he lifted the fork again. He made more aeroplane noises and she opened her mouth willingly.

“Ignore Uncle Rog,” he murmured quietly enough that Roger couldn’t hear him over the whistle of the kettle. “He’s just grumpy because Uncle Brian wouldn’t let him play _I’m in Love with my Car_ in the last show.”

“ _Unc_ , _unc_.”

“Yes, yes, I know. You love that song too.” John said with a roll of his eyes. She giggled in response.

They were due to host a party for Laura’s first birthday the following day. Veronica, who had organised most of the christening was all for it.

John had had an epiphany during their last tour.

Roger practically lived with him already, so it didn’t make sense for him to be paying rent on a barely used flat. John had already been looking for somewhere bigger for Laura anyway. He’d found somewhere within a month of them finishing the tour, and John plucked up the courage to officially ask Roger to move in.

Luckily, the house was barely in need of renovating. Though Roger still insisted on sprucing Laura’s room up now he had a bit more time.

John woke to the sound of Roger chatting to Laura in the next room. He quickly jumped up, pulled back the covers, and grabbed his dressing gown on the way out.

“There we go sweetheart. Now you’re all ready for your party later.”

“ _Unc_ , _unc_ ,” Laura agreed with Roger.

“There’s my two favourite people.”

John watched them from the doorway. Roger was knelt in the middle of her room, humming softly as he tied Laura’s hair back into pigtails. Her hair was even blonder than Roger’s now and was getting longer with every passing day.

Laura beamed up at John. “ _Dada_!”

“Please tell me that’s not a new dress.”

Roger avoided his eyes, focusing on pulling Laura’s hair through the bobble. “Okay. It’s not a new dress.”

Roger had seen the sparkly pink number whilst he’d been shopping in London and he couldn’t resist. He enjoyed buying her things, and knew she’d want to wear it for her party.

John sighed in response. “Her wardrobe’s going to be fuller than ours and she’s not even one yet!”

“Yes, but she soon will be. As of four this afternoon, or thereabouts.”

John’s gaze instantly softened. “You remember the time she was born?”

“Of course I do. Given she’s practically one of my own.”

John smiled fondly in response. “It’s times like these when I’m reminded why I love you so much.”

“Only at times? You should be constantly reminded what a blessing I am to your life, Deaky.”

“And he’s back.”

They headed downstairs, with Laura nestled against John’s hip. He couldn’t wait to see her face when she saw all her presents they’d got her. John hadn’t wanted to spoil her too much, but Roger had been so excited about her birthday that John couldn’t find it in him to stop him. It was like Roger said; _Laura would only be one once_.

As John was the neater wrapper, he spent hours the night before sorting her pile of presents. They sat in the corner of the living room, ready and waiting in pink paper. Laura gave a loud squeal as she spotted them. Roger grinned, kneeling next to her once John set her down.

“That’s right, sweetheart. They’re all for you.”

She stumbled forwards on her own, and Roger followed so that he could catch her if she suddenly fell. John lingered in the doorway, grabbing his camera and taking a few pictures.

Roger sat on the floor, Laura in his lap, as he helped her peel back the paper on each present. John sat not so far away, quietly taking photo after photo to commemorate her birthday. It took her a while to open them all, but it was worth it just to see the look on Laura’s face after each one.

John spent the rest of the day preparing food for the party. He just did simple soft foods as he didn’t want to serve anything that could be a choking hazard for Laura, just to be on the safe side.

There was also a chocolate cake that Roger had ordered from a local bakery. He left John to cook and organize, taking Laura with him so that she could sleep in the car.

By the time they got back, it was almost time for the guests to arrive.

“There you are. Finally.”

Roger rolled his eyes at the panicked expression on John’s face as he wondered through the kitchen. He had Laura at his hip, and one hand balanced underneath the cake. John quickly took it from him before he dropped it, and Laura gazed dozily at him from Roger’s neck, her thumb in her mouth.

“Chill out, Deaks. Everything looks good to go.”

Plates of food were stacked on their breakfast bar. There was a bottle of champagne on the side for a toast later, and bottles of varied alcohol and soft drinks.

“I’m not sure about that. I couldn’t get those stupid muffins to go right.”

Roger moved to help himself to one. He supposed they were a little crumbly, but he could really taste the banana.

“Well they taste alright.”

Laura moved her head to look at Roger expectantly, her mouth open for him to feed her. He snorted in response as he gratified her request.

“Laura seems to think so too.”

John set down the cake and turned his head to give a brief, disapproving look in Roger’s general direction. “Would you two behave? The guests haven’t even arrived yet, and you’re already eating the food.”

Roger gave Laura a look. “That’s us told.”

She gave a tired smile as she rubbed her eyes, moving to bury her head back against his neck now that she knew she wasn’t getting any more food.

“What do you think to the cake?”

“It’s perfect,” John gushed as he stared down at it in the confines of the box.

“I told you you’d like it.”

Roger had used the same bakery for Freddie’s birthday a few years ago. Laura kicked up a fuss if she ever lost the toy rabbit she slept with. Her favourite book was based on woodland creatures, including rabbits, so the lady had decorated the cake with images of Laura’s favourite characters around the side. Written on the top in icing was:

_Happy 1 st Birthday Laura_

Roger thought it was perfect, and knew John would feel the same way.

“I love the way she’s doodled the characters into—”

“Uh, uh, uh,” John said, quickly shutting the lid as Roger moved to have a look. Roger frowned at John, who gave him a look. “I want it to be a surprise. For Laura.”

“Oh like she’ll take any notice,” Roger said as he clicked his tongue. He still found himself moving back out of the kitchen with her though. “I need to get changed anyway. Laura can advise me on what I should wear for the party.”

“Rather her than me.” John snorted, knowing how indecisive Roger was when it came to choosing what to wear and how long it took for Roger to get ready. He thought he’d said it quietly enough that Roger wouldn’t hear him, until he heard him grumble as he headed for the stairs.

“I heard that, Deaky!”

Veronica arrived first. She practically lived next door and John had told her to come earlier so that she could give Laura her presents before everyone got there. He beamed as he met her at the front door and stepped forwards to give her a hug.

“Where’s the birthday girl? I can’t wait to see her face when she opens her presents!”

“Just upstairs with Rog. I think he’s got her giving him fashion advice.” He admitted as he closed the door behind her.

“Lucky girl! It saves you from doing it, I guess.” She said with a laugh. She knew how fussy Roger could be about clothes.

“Exactly. He usually just asks for my advice and moans that I’m wrong anyway. Do you want a drink?”

“I’d love a glass of red wine actually.”

“Coming right up,” John said as he headed for the kitchen. Veronica put down the bags of presents in the living room and followed him.

“So I hear Chrissie’s had the baby. I’m going to pop round to see her tomorrow and give her a card.”

Chrissie had gone into labour in the early hours of the morning a few days before. Brian had rung John and Roger. It sounded like Chrissie had had a long, strenuous labour. For that reason, she’d declined their invitation to the party.

“Yeah, I know. Brian rang yesterday.” John said as he poured Veronica a glass of wine.

“He was a big baby, wasn’t he? Weighed more than double to Laura.”

John gave a small laugh as he passed her glass of wine. Laura had been a fairly small baby.

“I guess. But boys can sometimes end up weighting more, unless they’re poorly. And look at the size of Brian. I’d have been more surprised if he’d had a tiny baby.”

Veronica smiled in response before she sipped on her wine. “True. Brian is a fairly tall fellow.”

“Did you want to see the cake? Roger got it from the bakery who did Freddie’s cake a few years ago.”

Veronica shot him a look at that. “Should I be worried?”

John laughed again, knowing she had a point. Roger and Freddie did have a mischievous friendship.

“Roger knows I’d have killed him if he’d brought something back that wasn’t age appropriate. it’s really nice. I’ll show you.”

They were gazing at the cake by the time that Roger and Laura came back downstairs. John quickly shut the box back up as Laura came strolling into the kitchen.

“ _Muma_ , _muma_!”

Veronica grinned, quickly bending so that Laura could run into her arms. She lifted her from the floor and kissed her cheek, and Laura giggled in response.

“There she is! Mummy’s gorgeous birthday girl!”

Veronica turned to see Roger hesitating by the door, noticing the blue shirt he had on.

“Did Laura pick that shirt?”

“Well she smiled and kept saying _unc, unc_ , when I tried it on. So, in a way.”

Veronica pulled an impressed face, turning back to tickle Laura, and enjoying her giggle in response. “There’s hope for my baby girl yet.”

Roger nodded in agreement. “She’s already doing better than Deaky anyway.”

Veronica and Roger laughed, ignoring the way John rolled his eyes as he got two beers out of the fridge and handed one to Roger. “Just because I don’t spend hours preening in the bathroom or trying to decide whether the black or blue shirt would match my shoes better, it doesn’t mean that I don’t take notice about what’s in fashion.”

“I think we’ve hit a nerve,” Roger teased, sharing a smile with Veronica as he quickly moved to John’s side to wrap an arm around his back and kiss his cheek. “Besides, I love the stuff you wear. Especially some of the tighter items of clothing.”

John flushed as Roger wiggled eyebrows suggestively, and Veronica snorted in response. “I hope you two aren’t always this mushy around my poor daughter.”

“This is tame for him.” John admitted with a joking winch.

Roger stood when he heard the doorbell, pausing in the living room doorway for a moment. Veronica and John was sat on the floor with Laura in between, both clapping and cheering as Laura finished pulling back the paper on her last present. They were so natural together, and with Laura too.

Roger blinked in surprise as he saw Brian stood at the door, an uncertain smile on his face as he held a present in his hands. He did look a little tired, Roger noticed, and his hair looked a little wilder than usual.

“Hey Rog.”

“Hey. No offence, but when Chrissie told us she wasn’t coming, we hadn’t been expecting you either.”

“It was actually her idea for me to come. I think I’m driving her a little crazy with my fussing.”

“You are a bit of a mother hen, Bri,” Roger said jokingly as he moved aside to let Brian step through the doorway. “Having said that, obviously it’s nice to have you here. Do you want a drink?”

“I’ll just have a coke if you have one. I’ve got to drive home, and I already feel half-delirious with tiredness, without the added help of alcohol.”

“The joy of fatherhood, I guess,” Roger said as he took the present in Brian’s hands and patted him on the back as he passed him. Brian popped his head in the doorway to say hello to John and Veronica as Roger put down Brian’s present, and then the two headed through to the kitchen. “Apart from that, how is Chrissie and the baby?”

“Doing okay, I think,” Brian said with a small nod as he watched Roger grab him a can from the fridge. “Chrissie’s been a little…irritable. But the midwife said that’ll be the hormones. I’ve tried to be there as much as I can, offer to do some night-feeds, that sort of thing.”

Roger nodded as he sipped on his beer. “She probably just needs time to adjust. I don’t claim to be an expert, but having a baby is a big thing, for both of you. Once all the excitement of the birth dies down, it’ll get easier, I’m sure.”

Brian nodded, giving Roger a stiff smile as he sipped on his own drink. “We’ve thought of a name, at least. Jimmy. After Chrissie’s father.”

“She did mention she liked the name. It’s a little too traditional for my taste.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I said that’s the sort of thing you might say. I’m sure your choice of name would be more interesting.”

“Probably,” Roger grinned as he ignored Brian’s sarcastic tone. “I’ve always liked Benji.”

Brian raised an eyebrow in response. “As in _Benji_ _the dog_?”

“Yes, as in Benji the dog. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. I think the name would just remind me of the film.”

“I like Felix too. That’s a cool name.”

Brian nodded, giving that some thought. “Felix Taylor. That’s actually got a nice ring to it. Or Felix-Taylor-Deacon even. It could be double barrelled.”

Roger smiled, staring into space for a long moment, before clearing his throat as he went to take another sip of his beer.

“Anyway on that note, you’d better go and say hello to the birthday girl properly.”

“Absolutely. I’m right behind you.”

Freddie was last to arrive. But that was hardly a surprise to anyone.

Laura squealed as she spotted her Uncle Freddie, oblivious to the way her father pointed out his tardiness.

“Happy birthday beautiful!”

Laura launched herself at Freddie and he laughed as he picked her up, before rolling his eyes at John’s expression.

“Sorry I’m late, Deaky. My alarm didn’t go off and it put me behind.”

John’s eyebrows furrowed in response as he watched Freddie murmuring quietly to Laura about her presents. “Your alarm? Freddie, it’s four in the afternoon!”

“Well, I had a bit of a late one. Mary and I went out dancing in Soho. It was an interesting evening. You and Roger will have to join us next time.”

“Hmm, the Soho gay scene _and_ dancing. We’ll pass, thanks.” Roger said unappreciatively.

“Suit yourselves.”

“I believe that you promised to take me dancing the night away after we came back from the tour.” John leaned closer to murmur into Roger’s ear.

“I know that you’re not that keen on Soho anyway.”

“I’m just checking that you hadn’t forgotten your promise.” John nudged Roger with a smile.

“Of course not. I’d never do that, Deaky.” Roger insisted with a sly smile.

Freddie turned to Brian with a smile. “How about you, Bri? You know an evening cavorting with me is never dull.”

“Err…maybe once everything is more settled, I’ll take you up your offer, Fred.” Brian said with a tight smile.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, May,” Freddie said chirpily before turning back to Laura, and murmuring quietly to her as he handed her his present.

Laura lapped up the attention as everyone gathered round in the kitchen to sing happy birthday. She sat in John’s lap and he helped her blow the candles out on her cake. Laura giggled loudly in response as everyone clapped. Roger was stood and had taken over from John in taking photos. He suddenly found himself needing a cigarette, and so he left Veronica and John to cut the cake and hand it out, and slipped out the back door.

Freddie poked his head around the door just as he’d finished lighting it.

“I see great minds think alike.”

Roger looked back to see Freddie lighting up his own cigarette as he came to join him on the patio. He offered a small nod before turning back as he took an long inhale of smoke.

“The garden looks lovely darling.”

Roger had vowed to spend time decorating the inside of the house. The gardening had turned into John’s venture.

He’d taken up all of the paving apart from on the patio, and replaced it with grass so that Laura didn’t hurt herself. Laura had scraped her knee and bumped her head a few times when they first moved in. It was peaceful out here too. Roger often liked to come out to the bench at the back of the garden, where he smoked and had a think.

He’d been doing that a little regularly lately.

“It’s more child-friendly. Or should that be Laura-friendly, at least.”

Freddie smiled, sitting next to Roger at the patio table. “Yes, I’ve noticed the poor girl hasn’t quite mastered the art of walking on her own yet.”

“No, but she gives it a good bloody try. Problem is that she’s so determined to do it that she practically runs away from me and John before we can catch her, and then she ends up falling over her feet or not noticing if anything’s in her way.”

“Bless her. She’s an absolute doll. That dress is beautiful, by the way. Laura looks like a diddy pink angel in it.”

Roger smiled in response. “I know. She loves being dressed up.”

“Takes after you, clearly dear.” Freddie teased, elbowing Roger softly as he inhaled on his cigarette. “Deaky can just about tolerate being dolled up for photoshoots and music videos.”

“He still loathes it. He says so himself. She loves some of the stuff you wear. She was _ooing_ when I showed her some of the pictures from the tour and she kept stroking your clothing, saying _want, want_.”

“I think we have a little superstar in the making there, Rog. Who knows? She could grow up to be one of those beautiful models who owns all of these exquisite costumes from her photoshoots. And as somebody who would obviously encourage her love of fashion, she could then let her Uncle Freddie borrow some once she’s finished with them.”

Roger snorted in response. He didn’t think there was a cat in hells chance of John letting Laura anywhere near the spotlight, regardless of who they were. But he found himself weary of bantering Freddie further tonight.

“Sure, Fred.”

“So, is the novelty of fatherhood wearing off already?”

“No, of course not. That’s a stupid thing to say.” Roger huffed as he leaned across to put out his cigarette.

“I was joking.” Freddie said as he raised a brow at how defensive Roger’s tone was. “But maybe there’s some truth to it after all.”

“Well it’s not like I’m her actual father anyway. I’m just Uncle Rog.”

“What do you mean by _just_?” Freddie asked with a frown. “You’ve been there from the start. All three of you have.”

“I know, I know,” Roger sighed wearily, as he ran his hands across his face. “And I love it. I do. I love every minute of having Laura stay with us. Like we’re a proper family.”

“You are a proper family. Just because she has John and Veronica, don’t mistake how much she adores you too. That’s obvious to anyone with eyes, Rog.”

He gave a weak nod in response, his eyes to the floor.

“So what is it?”

“Nothing,” Roger insisted fiercely. “Just leave it. I’m fine.”

“If that’s what you want,” Freddie said mildly, going back to puff on his cigarette. He still watched Roger tapping his feet against the floor, worry on his face. Roger had been a little edgy all evening, and Freddie felt the need to console his friend, despite Roger’s occasional hot-headedness. “I just hope you’re not concerned about being shut out. Because you know John wouldn’t let that happen, not after all you’ve been through together. And you can tell Veronica loves having you around Laura.”

Roger tugged his bottom lip between his teeth as he nodded.

“So what’s wrong? Don’t think I haven’t noticed the look on your face when you think nobodies paying attention.”

“Didn’t know you cared so much, Fred.”

“Tactically trying to change the subject, I see blondie.”

“Look, just drop it. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m a big boy. I’ll get over it.” Roger snapped as he suddenly stood up, turning his back on Freddie to stop himself from lashing out.

Freddie heaved a frustrated sigh at Roger’s anger. “I’m just trying to understand, Rog. I thought you and Deaky would love all of this. Throwing Laura her first birthday party—”

“We did. I did.”

“Okay,” Freddie said carefully, pursing his lips as he thought on that. “So did you and John have an argument then?”

“No! For fuck’s sake, Freddie!” Roger groaned, keeping his back to Freddie as he tried to regain his composure. He was being an idiot. He knew Freddie would tell him the same. Hence why he hadn’t wanted to talk about it. He’d get over it eventually. Without a fuss. “It doesn’t matter…I just…I feel—”

He groaned as he tried to find the words, kicking the leg of a chair in his temper. He took a deep, calming breath as he stared off at Laura’s swing that John had gotten her for Christmas. He’d spent most of the day putting it up and had been delighted at how giddy she’d been as he swung her carefully in the chair.

“I find…myself wondering sometimes. When I see John and Veronica together—”

“John loves you. You can’t seriously think there’s anything going on—”

Roger clicked his tongue in response. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

Even if Roger had caught himself wondering at times whether he should have the selflessness to step away and allow Laura to have her parents together. Especially when John and Veronica seemed so comfortable together. But then he’d curse himself for being insecure. It wasn’t like him. Especially when Laura seemed perfectly fine having John and Roger living together as a family unit.

“John and Veronica will always be Laura’s real parents. I get that. They’ve made a conscious effort to involve me in everything. But she’ll never be mine. Not really. I’m probably just being silly because I loved making such a fuss over Laura. But I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like.”

Freddie frowned, sitting forwards in surprise. He’d not had this chat with Roger before. “To have a baby?”

Roger gave a weak shrug. “At least…maybe one day.”

“I didn’t think you wanted children.”

“I’ve not considered it before, no.” Roger said quietly. “John’s probably the first person I could see myself settling down with, and it’s just been making me…question things. Maybe I’m just getting sentimental. Laura’s first birthday is a pretty big milestone after all.”

Given his lack of desire to have a family, Roger had been happy to jump into a relationship with John feet first. But then he’d seen the way it had bonded John and Veronica, and wondered if there’d ever be a way for him and John to have that. It was stupid. Not to mention impossible.

“Maybe. Laura is quite the special little girl after all.”

“She is,” Roger said softly. He reluctantly turned back to see Freddie watching him carefully. “I think that’s what’s got me thinking. That she’ll always know me as _Uncle Roger_ , despite the fact that me and John live together.”

Freddie nodded, remaining silent as he watched Roger. “Wasn’t it you who suggested to be known as her uncle in the first place?”

“Yes, because I thought it would keep things uncomplicated.” Roger said as he moved back to sit next to Freddie. “Which it does. But she’s getting older, and starting to talk. And it does feel different when she calls me _unc_ to when she does with you and Brian. I understand she’s unlikely to call me _Papa_ or _Dada_. I guess I’m just…trying to get my head around not hearing that.”

“I understand that.”

Roger huffed out a breath as he turned to face Freddie with a desperate expression on his face. “God, I’m selfish, aren’t I? Tell me I’m being a selfish prick, Fred. I’ve got everything I could want and more, and I’m still moaning that it’s not enough.”

“I can’t tell you anything of the sort dear. You’re just being honest.” Freddie said softly. “However, I do think you should talk to John about this.”

Roger was shaking his head before Freddie finished talking. “No, I can’t. He’s done everything to include me in Laura’s life. I’m the one with the issue, so I need to be the one to work out how to get over it. Besides, today’s about Laura. This can be…tomorrow’s problem.”

“If you’re sure,” Freddie said with a tight smile. “But you know John would understand if you told him how you felt—”

“It wouldn’t be fair. You know what he’s like. He’d end up blaming himself, and he’s done nothing wrong. I’ll be fine. Honest. I feel better already for getting it off my chest.” Roger insisted with a smile.

“Well okay. You know where I am if you feel like you need to have a rant again, Rog.” Freddie said with a small smile.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to update before the end of the week. Yay! Hope you enjoyed the chapter, even if the ending was a little sad. :( Poor Roger! Let me know what you thought! :)


	37. Somebody To Love

When Roger woke-up the following morning, the sun was already streaming through the curtains. But then it was the middle of July.

It was too quiet. And the other side of the bed was cold.

Roger quickly pulled back the duvet and grabbed his dressing gown as he headed into the hallway. He stretched his arms above his head and gave a yawn as he looked into Laura’s room. He frowned as he noticed she wasn’t there, and headed downstairs to see if John was there with her.

“Deaky? Laura?”

John was sat in the kitchen, eating a slice of toast. John liked the idea of having the table in there, where the three of them could cook and eat as a family.

“Where’s Laura?”

“Veronica picked her up about half an hour ago.”

“What? Oh, I wish you’d have woken me. We’re not seeing her all week.”

“I thought I’d let you sleep. Given that we had a late night.”

The party had ended around eleven, long after John had put Laura to bed. The adults had stayed up talking and drinking wine.

Roger nodded as he went to grab himself a cup, stifling another yawn. “I wouldn’t have minded. You know I miss Laura when she’s not here.”

“Do I?”

“Do you what?”

“Do I know that you miss Laura when she’s not here?”

“What?” Roger asked, his eyebrows furrowing as he poured himself a coffee from the machine on the side. “You’re not making sense, Deaky. You know I’m no good with riddles if I’ve not had my coffee first.”

Roger watched John push aside his plate of half-eaten toast as he took a sip of his coffee. He sat next to him, noticing the puffiness around John’s eyes as John grabbed for his own cup.

“Couldn’t you sleep?”

“Not really. It took me ages to switch off and then I kept waking up.”

“Oh. I didn’t hear you fidgeting.”

John was prone to fidget when he couldn’t sleep. Roger was a heavy sleeper so he rarely noticed. Apart from the time that John had kicked him in the back trying to get comfortable. They’d only been back home for a few days. John always took a few weeks to get settled after the band finished their tour, but he was usually fine by now.

“No, you were snoring like a baby. I came down here and flicked the tv on in the end.”

Roger pouted. “I do not snore.”

John snorted. “You do. You’re even louder than Brian.”

“Yeah well. We can’t all be perfect, can we?” Roger sniped teasingly as he sipped on his coffee.

“I guess not.” John said, his smile slipping.

“Why don’t you go back to bed if you’re tired?” Roger suggested, misunderstanding John’s expression. “It’s still only nine, and it’s not like we’ve got anything planned.”

“I wanted to talk to you first.”

Roger rolled his eyes at the way John was looking at the table, swirling his cup of coffee gently in his hand. “Look. If it’s about that toast I made last night, I don’t regret what I said. I wasn’t even that drunk. Though I could tell by your face that you thought I was.”

“It was about your chat with Freddie actually.”

Roger felt his smile disappear at John’s words. “What…what chat with Freddie?”

“The one you had when you disappeared to go and have a cigarette.”

“What about it? I wasn’t gossiping if that’s what you’re worried about. We promised to keep out of the Brian situation since that night at his and I plan on sticking to that this time.”

“I know, I know. Because I heard for myself what you were talking about.”

Roger’s eyes widened as he sat up and quickly opened his mouth to explain. “I don’t know what you think you heard, but I was just drunk. I didn’t mean it, Deaky—”

“So you were drunk?”

“Yes…well no…not exactly, but…but I…I just…look, I promise, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t know what I was saying!” Roger stammered out desperately.

John’s eyes bore into his as he tried to work out the truth of the situation.

“So you don’t really feel like Laura’s not properly yours, and aren’t considering what it’d be like to have a child of your own?”

“I…”

Roger bit his lip, desperately trying to think of something to say to rectify the situation. He didn’t like the way John was looking at him. It made him feel wretchedly guilty. He sighed, burying his head in his hands and avoiding his eyes instead.

“I didn’t know you were listening. I feel fucking horrible, Deaky. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, listen. I’m not annoyed.” John said softly, reaching over to press a hand to Roger’s arm. “If anything, I’m surprised. I didn’t know you felt like that. As far as I was concerned, everything was fine. I just wished you’d have talked to me about this instead. I thought we were supposed to be a family.”

“We _are_.”

“Maybe. But it’s not enough, is it? You want something that I can’t give you. Something I’ve not considered before. A child. Your own child—”

“ _No_ , look. I’m fine, honestly. I was being silly.” Roger said quickly, moving his hands away to look at John. He swallowed heavily at his expression as he reached out to tangle their fingers together. “I said it myself. I enjoyed celebrating Laura's birthday, and making a fuss of her got me carried away. That’s all it was.”

“Yes, but you also said that you couldn’t help but wonder what it’d feel like. To have a child of your own. That doesn’t just seem like wishful thinking, Roger.”

“Okay fine, I might have said that, but I was just thinking out-loud. I’m not stupid. I know it’s something that can never happen—”

John pulled his hand back, watching Roger with an even expression. “It could. If I let you go. You’d have the opportunity to go and meet someone and—”

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up, John!”

John sighed at Roger’s language. “Look Rog, I know you don’t want to admit it, but—”

“It’s not that I don’t want to admit it, it’s that you’re wrong!”

“But you said—”

“I said that I might have wanted a child of my own. Which is true. But I meant with _you_ , you idiot. Not to go off and find some random woman to have a baby with.”

John frowned in response. “How much of your Biology degree did you actually listen to, because I don’t think that’s going to—”

“Why do you think I’ve not bothered bringing this up? I’m aware that as we’re both men, finding a way to have a bloody baby together really would be some kind of miracle. That doesn’t mean that I don’t wish there was a way. To have that same connection that you and Veronica do with Laura.”

John’s gaze softened in response. “Rog—”

“It is what it is. We’ve got Laura, haven’t we? Even if she’ll never actually be mine. It’s only lately as she’s started calling me _uncle_ that I’ve realised how much I’d like to at least pretend that she’s ours, you know? I’ll get over it, I promise. I just need some time to stop being so bloody ungrateful.”

“You’re not being ungrateful. Laura’s become a big part of our lives. I should have realised how much she’d come to mean to you.”

“Even still, I’ll be fine.”

“What can I do to make it easier? Do you want me to start trying to introduce you as _Papa_ to Laura so that she can at least distinguish the difference between you, Brian and Freddie?”

“No. That’ll just be more confusing. I think we need to carry on as we are. If we explain the situation when she’s a bit older, and she wants to call me that then we’ll go from there. But it wouldn’t be fair to force this on her.”

“You sure?”

“Of course,” Roger insisted with a tight smile. “You’ve said it yourself. Laura’s practically mine anyway. So she might not call me Dad or whatever, so what? I still get to love her unconditionally. Whether she’s here or at Veronica's, we’re still a family. And I do love it when it’s the three of us.”

John smiled, moving to take Roger’s hand and squeezing softly. “So do I.”

“Right. So forget I said anything. I love you, and I love her. That’s all that matters.”

“Okay. Only if you’re sure. I love you too.”

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, we're coming up to the last few chapters now. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update! Please take this short chapter as a sign of my apology! I'm sorry it's so short but I will be updating within the next couple of days, so stay tuned for an update! Let me know what you thought! Poor Roger though. :( Also, out of curiosity, how would you all like this story to end if you could have your say? :) Let me know!


	38. Back To The Light

“Tell me I shouldn’t be worried now.”

Roger sighed from around his cigarette. Freddie had been pacing for the last half hour and it was starting to make John and Roger a little angsty. He flicked his cigarette butt towards the direction of the ashtray. “Just go and fucking ring him then!”

Freddie gave Roger a look as he continued to pace, before he begun biting on a fingernail. Brian was over an hour late. The last time he'd showed up last to anything was when he’d been ill in his hotel room with hepatitis on the band's first tour in America.

“I can’t. Chrissie might answer and I’ll get flustered.”

“Should have thought about that before the two of you started fucking then, shouldn’t you?”

“Don’t start!” Freddie suddenly stopped pacing to snap at Roger. He crossed his arms over his chest in frustration. “I don't need your fucking judgement, not today. Not when we don't even know if Brian's okay!”

John watched Freddie pace again, his movements more agitated. “Did you want me to go and ring him? It might be that he's just forgotten that we were meeting so early.”

Freddie stared doubtfully at John in between paces. “I doubt that. Brian rarely forgets the agreed time for anything. Not to mention that he takes our recording schedule very seriously as you both know.”

“Okay. Well maybe he just overslept.”

“That’s a little more likely. Given his dislike for early mornings.”

“There we go then,” Roger said quickly.

Mike looked up from the other side of the glass, leaning forwards over the dashboard to speak into the microphone. “Just a gentle reminder that I’ve got to leave early. I don’t know what you guys want to do whilst you wait for Brian.”

“How about this?” Roger suggested with a sigh. “Why don’t the three of us get started on whatever songs we’ve been working on, and then we can fill Brian in when he gets here?”

Just as he said that, the sound of the door had all of them turning to look. Brian had stepped into the mixer room, setting down his coat. They saw him turn his head to greet Mike.

“Oh here, he is,” Roger said with a huff. “Should have guessed the tosser would turn-up the minute we started talking about recording our own songs.”

John shook his head, watching Freddie glaring at Roger from across the studio.

“At least give him a chance to tell us where he’s been, before you start mouthing off.”

“Oh bite me, Freddie!”

“Would you two stop—”

John quickly stopped speaking as Brian headed into the studio. He looked awful. His hair seemed frazzled, as if Brian had spent all morning pulling at it. He had dark, puffy circles around his eyes, and looked like he'd been crying. He looked paler too, and he offered an apologetic smile as he walked over to them.

“Sorry I’m late. Something came up. Have I missed anything important?”

“Never mind that. What on earth happened? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.” Freddie asked with genuine concern.

“Oh err…long story. I’ve got stuff going on.”

“That sounds ominous,” Roger said seriously. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Brian dropped his gaze, moving to grab his guitar. “Not really. I’d actually appreciate it if we could dive straight into the album.”

“Yeah okay, we can do that.” John said quietly, watching Brian retrieve his guitar closely.

“Great. Does anyone have any ideas they’d like to share?”

“Not necessarily ideas, but me and John have a couple of songs in mind.” Roger said as Brian pulled up a chair and sat next to Freddie. “We took the time to brainstorm some lyrics between us and we're keen to see what you both think.”

“Okay. I’m sure we can easily make some time to go over them.” Freddie said. Brian nodded in agreement.

“We mentioned stripping things back on this one too. I think that’s still a good idea. I think we should scale down the complex arrangements and focus on going back to the stuff we did in the beginning. The kind of music we all wrote for _Sheer Heart Attack_. _ADATR wasn’t as well received as_ ANATO, and I know we don't normally concern ourselves with critics, but we agreed that we owe it to ourselves to try going back to basics.”

John’s forehead creased with confusion. “ _We_? I don’t remember us having that conversation.”

“Because we didn’t. Not yet. Me and Freddie had a discussion the other day—”

“Did you now? Without us?”

“Yes. It's no different to the two of you brainstorming lyrics without us.” Freddie insisted firmly.

“Exactly. So what's the problem?”

“There isn’t one.” John said, quickly turning his head to give Roger a look before he could open his mouth to respond.

Roger frowned as he looked between them, but forced a small nod in agreement. “No. No problem. Go ahead, Bri. Tell us what you _and_ Freddie have decided.”

John rolled his eyes and Freddie groaned at Roger's tone. Brian stared at Roger, his expression a little too even.

“We haven't decided anything. We wouldn’t, not without both your agreements. But you know that already. You’re just desperate for a fucking argument, Roger.”

“Well that’s a bit rich coming from you Bri—"

“Can we at least try to not to have a falling out before midday?” Freddie huffed.

“I second that. I didn’t come in just to hear you four bicker all bloody morning.” Mike said quietly from the mixer-room. Then he leaned forwards again with a small smile. “No offence.”

“He’s right,” John said quickly, looking between the two of them a little desperately. They all knew John hated it when they bickered.

“Fine,” Roger said through gritted teeth.

Brian nodded in agreement as Freddie looked at him expectantly. Freddie breathed a sigh of relief. “Right. So we were thinking—"

“I just hope this isn’t how it’s always going to be now that you and Brian are—”

“For fuck’s sake, Rog!” Mike groaned as Brian went to speak at the same time.

“I’m done listening to this.”

Brian was up and out of his chair in a flash. He carefully set aside his guitar and strolled from the room without a backwards glance. He slammed the door behind him, and the room turned deathly quiet. John drew a weary sigh, looking up at the ceiling in exasperation. Freddie let his frustrations known a little more clearly.

“I hope you’re happy, Roger. You may finally have managed to make Brian quit. And if that happens, then I’m gone too. So for your sake, you’d better hope that he’s just off cooling-down somewhere, rather than left for good.”

“Oh, it’s not my fucking fault if the truth hurts!” Roger huffed angrily. “Neither is it my problem if he’s so bloody sensitive about me bringing up the two of you—”

Anything else Roger might have wanted to say was rendered useless as he Freddie marched out of the studio too.

Mike sighed heavily, heaving himself up from the chair behind the glass, as he spoke into the microphone. “Seeing as though my services aren’t required yet, I’m off to have a cigarette.”

John turned back to see Roger was still staring at the door. “Nicely handled, Rog.”

“Oh sure. Cheers for the support, Deaky.”

John groaned at Roger’s words. “How am I supposed to support you when you were the one kicking off? You could see Brian was upset, you should have just let it be. At least we’d have been concentrating on the album by now.”

“Yeah well, jokes on you. You can try sucking your own dick instead.”

John rolled his eyes in response. “Seriously? If you start playing the no-sex card, we both know you’ll be first to give in.”

Roger huffed, storming off to go and have a cigarette. “We’ll just see, Deaky.”

John sighed, automatically moving to follow him. “You know I hate getting involved in arguments. And you didn’t exactly help yourself by saying that—”

Freddie found Brian sat outside, head in his hands. He seemed lost in his thoughts, and only looked up when Freddie placed a hand on his shoulder. Freddie offered an uncertain smile as he sat next to him, noticing how red and blotchy Brian’s eyes were.

“You know I love the theatrics of a good walk-out. Given that I’m usually the one initiating it.”

Brian offered a weak nod at Freddie’s joke, eyes glued to the wet shards of grass in front of him. Freddie sighed in concern. He’d rarely ever seen Brian like this.

“You look like you could do with a drink.”

Brian sniffed in response. “But we’re supposed to be recording—”

“Fuck that, darling. This is more important. Come on.”

Brian reluctantly stood, quickly wiping at his eyes, as he let Freddie lead them towards the nearest pub.

Freddie ordered a large whiskey for them both, before shuffling Brian over to a booth at the back of the dingy pub. Brian, who remained silent, took his drink and downed it in one gulp. He welcomed the burn of the alcohol, hoping it would at least take the edge off. He couldn’t imagine it coud make him feel any worst, at least.

“If it’s about what Roger said, I can always threaten to cut his songs. Either that, or tell him I want less of the drums on the album, give him a real shock.”

Brian barely reacted to Freddie’s second attempt at humour.

“It’s not about what he said. Not really.”

“Then what is it about?”

Brian hesitated, chewing on his bottom lip as he stared down at his glass. Freddie waited patiently, still watching Brian worriedly.

“Chrissie, she’s…”

“She’s not sick or anything?” Freddie asked when Brian didn’t finish that sentence.

Brian shook his head, closing his eyes briefly as he took a deep breath. “No, no, nothing like that. She’s erm…she’s decided to go ahead with divorce proceedings.”

“What?” Freddie said quietly, the shock obvious in his voice. “But why, I don’t understand?”

They’d had a baby less than a month ago. There’d been an unspoken agreement between Freddie and Brian to put a pause on things. At least, for the time being. There’d been no time to speak between coming back from tour, and the baby being born. Freddie had been keeping his distance, guilt stopping him from picking up the phone or visiting Brian so he didn’t risk bumping into Chrissie and run the risk of making things worst.

“She knew about us. Has done for a while apparently.”

“Fuck…I’m so sorry, Brian.” Freddie said quietly.

He looked upwards to scan the room. Luckily, as it was still early, the pub was deserted.

“Did you want me to have a word? Maybe if I was to tell her that it’s not going on anymore—”

“There’s no point,” Brian said with a heavy sigh, hiding his face beneath his hands. “She’s already made her mind up. Says she can’t trust me anymore. She’s taken Jimmy, and moving back in with her Mum. Who’s always made it clear that she only fucking tolerated me. She’ll just love this…god knows when I’ll see the baby—”

He stopped as his voice cracked. Freddie noticed the way Brian’s shoulders shook slightly. He reached out to press a comforting hand against his leg. Brian froze in response.

“Darling look, I could still try to make her see sense. You and her have been together for almost ten years. It’s not worth throwing all of that away over a silly mistake—”

“Is that what you think all of this is? A silly mistake?” Brian asked so quietly from under his hands that Freddie strained to hear him.

Freddie sighed in response, pulling his hand back quickly and choosing to do the right thing.

“What I think is that you still love Chrissie, and that you want to be with her. Otherwise you wouldn’t be this upset.”

“Of course I love her. She’s my wife.”

Freddie swallowed heavily, ignoring the way Brian’s words made him feel nauseated, and like he had a brick weighing down on his stomach.

“Right. Then it’s agreed. We have to do everything we can to convince her to give you another chance.”

“ _No_ ,” Brian moaned under his breath, wiping at his eyes before reluctantly moving his hands away from his face. They were even blotchier from where Brian had been crying again, and he sniffed quietly as he met Freddie’s eyes. “It wouldn’t be right. I’ve made too many mistakes, and—”

“But she might learn to forgive you with time—”

“She wouldn’t. Chrissie’s never been able to fully let go of a grudge. And besides—”

“But what if I was to step away? Have no more contact with you other than being on-stage and in the studio—”

“Fred, will you let me finish?” Brian finally sighed as Freddie continued to speak at the same time. Then Brian blinked, seeming to realise what Freddie had just said. “Hang on—would you really do that? Cease all contact, stop being my friend…just to try and save my marriage.”

“If I honestly thought it would help then of course.”

It would be difficult, not having Brian in his life, even as a friend. But he’d be willing to try to do it for him. Freddie’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as Brian gave a little smile. He felt crushed at the idea of Brian being happy about the possibility of no longer having Fred in his life.

“I sometimes forget how big your heart is, Fred.”

Freddie wasn’t very good at accepting compliments. Especially ones that were so heartfelt. So he smiled back, hoping his face wasn’t as hot as he suddenly felt as he picked up his glass.

“Anyway, as selfless as your offer is, I reject it. Obviously, I’m devastated that my marriage is over. Of course I am. I love Chrissie, and I never imagined our relationship would end in divorce, even after me and you started—let me finish, Fred.” Brian added quickly when Freddie opened his mouth to speak. “But there’s also a part of me that’s glad that she knows. I worry that this could all blow up in my face and she’ll use this to stop me having access to my son—”

“I don’t think she would.”

Brian stared disbelievingly at Freddie. “You didn’t see how she was when she left. She was really angry, saying all these things, which I know I deserve. Like how I didn’t want Jimmy in the first place, that I only got married to keep her happy, and that I never loved her. She was lashing out—”

“Exactly. That’s the key word, Bri. She was _lashing out_. She didn’t really mean it. She’s just hurting, and she wanted to hurt you in the process.”

Brian looked down at the table, chewing on the edge of his bottom lip. “I know. I do. And I know I don’t deserve sympathy. I cheated on Chrissie throughout most of our relationship, and then I went one step further by starting things with you, despite you being her friend and mine, and knowing that it had the potential to fuck-up everything in my life—”

He groaned, shoving his hair back from his face in frustration.

“And now, I’m paying the price for it. I’m an idiot.”

Freddie sighed, desperate to help his friend. “Don’t say that, Bri. You’re not—”

“I am! I’m a total fuck-up! Everything’s ruined and it’s all my fault.” Brian leaned forwards and groaned again as he hid behind his hands again. “Fuck! My parents are going to kill me when they find out we’re getting a divorce. That‘s if her father doesn’t beat them to it.”

“Look, never mind all that,” Freddie said with a click of his tongue, automatically leaning across to pry Brian’s hands from his face gently. Reluctantly, Brian let Freddie take one of his hands, looking up at Freddie with fresh tears in his eyes. “I’ll talk to her, I promise. I’ll find a way of convincing her to see things from your side—”

“I don’t want to get back with her, Freddie.” Brian said with a sigh. “I know I should want to make things right, for the sake of Jimmy, at least. But it wouldn’t be fair. On either of us. She’s the mother of my child and I love her, but I’m not _in_ love with her. I don’t think I have been for some time.”

“So what do you want to do?”

Brian hesitated, letting his thumb graze across the back of Freddie’s hand softly. “I don’t know. I guess I need to at least think about hiring a lawyer. Try and keep things as amicable as possible. Could I stay at yours in the meantime? Just until I find somewhere—”

“You don’t even need to ask, Bri.”

Brian gave Freddie a small, grateful smile. “Thanks Fred.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“And after that…I don’t know. I haven’t got a clue what I’ll do.” Brian admitted with a small shrug. “I’ve been with her for so long that I’m not sure I’d know where to start.”

“Well I’ll be there to help you through it.” Freddie said, before quickly adding; “And Deaky and Rog, obviously.”

“I’d like that. A lot. For you and I…” Brian trailed off, his words heavy in the air. He exhaled sharply, suddenly looking lost. “Look, I don’t know what’ll happen now. I know I’ve really hurt her, and I hate it. Because I do still care about Chrissie. I’m not in a position to offer anything substantial. My focus is Jimmy, because whatever she might think, he means everything to me.”

“I know he does, Bri,” Freddie insisted, squeezing his hand gently before reluctantly letting himself draw his hand away from Brian’s. “You don’t have to make promises. I’m a big boy. I’ll get over it.”

“But that’s the thing. I never wanted us to stop being together. I know it’s not been smooth sailings, and everything became a little more complicated when the baby came. But I want you to know that I’d already decided to tell her. About us. Before she confronted me.”

Freddie blinked in surprise. “Really?”

Brian nodded in response.

“I know it’s a convenient excuse, but it’s true. I’d even thought about what I was going to say. I thought it would be best to wait until she’d recovered from the birth first. In my head, I thought that perhaps if I was to tell her just before we went on our next tour, she wouldn’t have to face me for the next few months. Cowardly I know, I just didn’t want it to feel like I was rubbing her face in it.”

Freddie nodded, because he could appreciate Brian’s logic. He could tell Brian had spent time giving it some thought.

“Then I hoped that by the time we got back, she might have learned to at least forgive me. But I can’t imagine that happening now.” Brian frowned.

“Now that shit’s hit the fan?”

Brian smiled at the way Freddie worded that. It was just so… _Freddie_.

“In a word.”

“Just…give her time. At the risk of sounding cliché, time really is a great healer.”

Brian snorted in response. “That’s the sort of sensible thing I’d expect to hear from Deaky.”

“I could always suggest we go out and get shit-faced instead?”

Brian considered that for a moment. “It’s certainly appealing. Though it’s not lost on me that that’s the sort of thing Rog might have suggested.”

“Okay,” Freddie said, pursing his lips as he thought for a moment. “Then how about this? How about I tell you not to be so hard on yourself. Because dear it’s obvious to anyone with eyes that you’re suffering too. So let me be your friend. Let me help you.”

“You can do more than that. If you like.” Brian said as he licked his lips. “I meant what I said, Fred. I want this. I want to be with _you_. It’s taken me so long to see the light, and I don’t want to waste any more time.”

“Bri, I’m sure you think you feel that way now. But you’re going through a divorce, and it’s bound to be messy, no matter how civil you try to keep it, and I don’t want to take advantage of you—”

“You’re not,” Brian interrupted as he quickly reached for Freddie’s hand. His touch comforted him, made him brave enough to say the words he’d always wanted to. “I understand it’s unlikely to be easy. But I’ve never been more certain than I am right now about my feelings for you. _I love you_ , Fred. I always have. I was just too scared to admit it. Not as a friend or a brother, but as a lover, as my partner, my soulmate even—”

Freddie suddenly leaned over, closing the distance between them. He pressed his hands to Brian’s face and kissed him like his life depended on it. He wanted to show how much Brian’s words meant to him, and to prove that he felt exactly the same way.

By the time Freddie pulled back, Brian’s eyes were glazed over, a small, dazed smile on his face. Freddie leaned forwards to press one more quick kiss to Brian’s lips, before moving back with a smile. He wasn’t one for being too mushy, especially not in public. But it was important to him for Brian to know that he was on the same page.

“I love you too, Bri.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Fred said, grinning at Brian’s look of surprise, despite everything they’d gone through together. “You’re my best friend, my confidante, the one I always turn to in a crisis. Unless that crisis is based around you, in which case, I turn to Mary.”

Brian laughed a little shakily, and it made Freddie’s heart warm at the sound.

“I think despite everything, it was always meant to be you in the end, Bri. We’ve just been fucking idiots. Not to mention blind. Not seeing what was right in front of us. And dragging our feet like we have been.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re probably right actually, Fred.” Brian said with a small shrug. He gazed at Freddie uncertainly, worry gnawing at his insides, despite all of what he’d just said. “So you’d be prepared to at least try? I know I’m not the easiest person to live with at times, but—”

“I don’t think I’m one to talk, dear.” Fred said with a small smile. “I can be a fucking nightmare too at times, as you well know.”

“Well, not a complete nightmare.” Brian said warmly.

“Ever the diplomat, Bri,” Freddie smiled in response. “I think we owe it to ourselves to at least give things a try, don’t you? You said it yourself. We’re soulmates.”

Brian found his mouth going dry at Freddie’s words, so he leaned forwards instead, eager to show him how much that all meant to him.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, two chapters left!!! :( I feel like crying lol. I'm glad that we can agree that I want to see them happy at the end too lol. I found that chapter so hard to write as I don't like sad Brian :( Also, I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! I've been ill with a cold all week so I've not really had any energy to write. But I am back for the last couple of chapters! :) I'm in the middle of starting to write something new, about the band in their early days, but I shall wait to finish this before I upload a preview for you all to read and find out if you like it. Again, it's a Dealor fanfiction, and it would be more central to their story. So let me know what you think of that as an idea! :)


	39. Save Me

Laura jolted awake. There were tears in her eyes as she sat up. Her throat grew dry as she cried, fear clawing its way through her. She’d had a horrible dream. In it, her mummy told her that both of her fathers had died. It felt so real that she’d started sobbing before she’d even woke.

“ _Papa! Daddy!_ ” She screamed.

 _It had to be just a bad dream, just a bad dream. It couldn’t be real_ …

John groaned from inside the room next door. It was the third time this week. He could hear Roger’s snores, oblivious to Laura’s cries. He reached across to pat Roger through the covers. When that didn’t work, John kicked him gently, hearing Roger’s snores falter.

“Rog?”

“Hmm?”

“Laura’s having a nightmare again. It’s your turn.”

“ _Nooo_ ,” Roger sighed. “Deaky, it’s yours.”

“It’s actually—”

John sighed as Roger started to snore again. He’d always been the heavier sleeper. John seemed to wake at the slightest noise Laura made.

He yawned as he pulled back the cover. He managed to stumble towards the door through the thick cover of darkness, grabbing his dressing gown on the way, and switching the light on. He blinked as he grew accustomed to the light, and frowned as he turned to Laura’s bedroom.

She was sat-up, her body heaving as she took huge, shaky sobs. Her face was blotchy and red, with tears running down her face. Her cries seemed to get louder when she saw John. He practically bolted through the doorway as he tried to shush her soothingly.

“Hey, hey, hey. What’s the matter baby?”

She climbed into his lap the instant he sat on her bed, relief in her eyes as her little fists clung to his dressing gown.

“N-n-n-nightmare,” she sobbed into his shoulder.

He could feel the wetness of her tears against his shoulder, and the shake in her back as he rubbed it softly.

“What about?”

“B-b-both of y-you—”

“Me and Rog?” He asked quietly, feeling her nod against his shoulder. He pulled her away so that he could see her face and wiped away her tears as she struggled to catch her breath. “What about us?”

“Y-you…b-bo-both…d-d-dead.”

He sighed uneasily. He brushed her hair back softly, feeling how hot and bothered she’d made herself.

“It was just a nightmare sweetheart.”

She nodded. “B-b-b-but it was s-s-so real—”

“I know sweetie, I know. But listen we’re fine, okay? Try and forget about it.” he said quietly. “Why don’t I make you up some warm milk?”

She nodded. “P-p-p-please. C-c-could you send in P-papa?”

“Papa?”

John blinked in surprise. John was her father. Veronica was her mother. They’d agreed it best for Roger to be known as Laura’s Uncle to save confusing her. But Veronica had also made it clear that should Laura start to recognize Roger as he father then it wouldn’t be a problem. He’d had an equal hand in raising her after all.

But Laura was still only two. Nearly three.

They’d briefly talked about how some of the parents at her nursery might just have one set of parents, rather than two Daddies, and one Mummy. And that not many Daddies lived with another man, rather than Mummy. They tried to explain as simply as possible, but John still wasn’t convinced she fully understood yet. This was still a grey area for them all.

“You want Roger?”

“Y-yes, P-p-papa.”

“O-kay, I’ll just go and get him.”

He didn’t think it would feel right to correct her. Not when she’d called him that herself.

He headed back into their bedroom, turning the bedside lamp on. He sat down and leaned across to shake Roger as he called his name.

Roger groaned, turning to squint at John. His blonde hair was sticking up, and he looked a little bleary-eyed under the light of the lamp. John smiled in response. He’d always thought Roger looked adorable when he was half-asleep.

“John, what—”

“Laura’s asking for you. Could you go and sit with her whilst I warm-up some milk? You know how that soothes her if she’s had a bad dream.”

“Yeah, I’ll go and see her.” Roger nodded, rubbing his eyes as he yawned. He pulled on a t-shirt and shorts, raising an eyebrow at the look John was giving him. “Alright?”

“More than. I love the fact that you sleep naked. But Laura can get about much faster on those legs of her these days.”

“So? Oh relax, Deaky, she’s barely three. It’s no different to when she’s seen us getting out of the shower or undressing for bed.”

“True. Even still, we wouldn’t want to run the risk of giving her more nightmares.” John teased, before quickly walking away before Roger could work out he’d just insulted him.

“You cheeky git!”

John’s laughter rung out as Roger threw a pillow in the direction of the door, narrowly missing John’s head. He paused on the staircase and watched as Roger stepped into Laura’s doorway.

“P-papa!”

Roger froze for less than a second, before he was rushing forwards.

“Hey baby. Daddy was saying you had a bad dream. Why don’t I sit with you and you can tell me all about it?”

“O-o-okay.”

John could hear Laura sobbing again, and Roger hushing her softly as he sat next to her, so she could snuggle into him.

“And then I can sing your favourite song if you’d like.”

“Y-yes p-p-please p-papa.”

John rolled his eyes. Ever since Laura was born, Roger would sing _I’m in Love with my Car_. It had become her lullaby, especially when she was upset. Then she started asking for _Roger’s Car Song_ when she learnt to speak. Roger was delighted that Laura loved it so much.

By the time John had come back upstairs with her warm milk, Laura was laying down again. She had her head nuzzled in his lap, her thumb in her mouth. She had her baby rabbit in her arms. Roger smiled as he noticed John, his hand stopping playing with the ends of her hair.

Her ceiling was decorated in hundreds of stars that lit up in the dark. They’d finished decorating a couple of weeks ago, thanks to help from Freddie and Brian. Laura had been at Veronica’s for the week, and Roger and John thought it would be a nice surprise, given her recent obsession with space. She’d squealed when she saw it, especially when she noticed the telescope they’d decided to give to her as an early birthday present.

Roger bent to brush Laura’s hair back and pressed a kiss to her forehead before carefully extracting her from his lap. He tip-toed out of the room and closed the door to.

“I see the song worked a treat.”

“Doesn’t it always?”

John rolled his eyes at the grin on Roger’s face. “Superiority was never your best look.”

“I disagree. It’s how I managed to bag you.”

“Yes. The fact that you managed that is still a surprise to me too.”

John grinned at the less than impressed look on Roger’s face. He stepped forwards quickly, wrapping his arms around Roger’s neck and giving him a long, deep kiss as way of apology.

“I’m joking. Of course. We all know how you actually managed to bag me. A generous supply of alcohol, and your relentless yet slightly cheesy chat-up lines.”

“Well you were always a flirt after you’ve had a drink.” Roger hummed, pulling John closer by the waist. “It’s lucky you’re cute, Deaky.”

“It has its advantages, I’ll admit.” John teased, moving to press another quick kiss to Roger’s lips.

Roger huffed as he pulled back to take John’s hands. “I’m sure it does.”

John frowned as Roger pulled them both towards the staircase. “And where do you think you’re going?”

“ _We’re_ going to get a midnight snack.”

John raised his eyebrows in response. “Are we now?”

“Yes.”

The quiet whirl of the radio filled the silence as John made them both a cup of warm milk. Roger got out his stash of biscuits from the top cupboard. John had advised him to keep them out of Laura’s reach now that she could walk. John had a supply of cheese hidden at the back of the fridge which Roger knew not to use too much of, unless he wanted to be in trouble with John.

Roger dunked his bourbon biscuit, letting John steal one away every so often as they sat side to side at the kitchen table.

“You’re so good with her, you know?” John said suddenly as he sipped on his warm milk. He was watching Roger with a soft expression. Roger hummed in response. “Anyone can see Laura adores you.”

“As I adore her,” Roger said with a smile. “It’s virtually impossible not to. Especially when she does that stupid dance whenever Abba comes on.”

Laura took after her father in her love of dancing. Unfortunately she was about as good as Roger.

“You taught her those dance moves.”

“I know,” Roger said with a fond smile. “I almost feel sorry for her.”

“It’s fine. I can always show her a few _Disco Deaky_ moves to counteract your terrible teachings.”

“God forbid. It’s already a headache trying to get just _you_ off of the dancefloor.”

John grinned in response. But his smile dropped as he noticed the far-off look on Roger’s face. “You alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Roger said quickly. He bit his lip, considering something for a moment. “It’s just…I was wondering afterwards. Whether I should have corrected Laura or not.”

John didn’t need Roger to elaborate further.

“I don’t think so. You’ve become a big part of her life.” John said. “It would be different if we’d tried to make her say it. But she obviously sees you as her _Papa_ , so I think we should respect that.”

“I suppose. Do you think Veronica would mind?”

“No I don’t. We always agreed to let Laura think for herself about these sorts of things when she got a little older. And now that she has, I don’t think it would be right to question it.”

Roger nodded in response. “You’re probably right. And I can’t say that I wasn’t happy to hear her say it. I’d accepted the fact that she’d probably always call me _Uncle Rog_ , but hearing her call me Papa, it just…it made me feel good, you know? Given that I love her like she’s one of my own.”

“Yeah, I get it.” John said seriously. He watched Roger sip his milk carefully, chewing over something himself. “Tonight’s got me thinking too.”

“Hmm,” Roger gave John a look. “Sounds ominous.”

“Very funny.”

Roger jutted out his chin and raised his eyebrows in a _I’m listening_ sort of pose.

“Do you still think about having children?”

Roger’s eyebrows furrowed, surprise in his eyes at John’s question. “ _Oh_. I don’t know really. Where’d that come from?”

“Seeing you with her tonight. It made me wonder if you still thought about it. Since we had that chat.”

“Well I don’t make time to sit and ponder about it, no.”

John nodded, his expression careful as he drew circles into the side of his cup. “We have time now.”

“What’s brought this on?”

“It’s just…it’s been playing on my mind that’s all.”

Roger frowned uneasily. “Since when?”

“Since…I don’t know. Just lately, seeing you with Laura, and her calling you Papa tonight. It made me curious to know if you still feel like she’s not really yours? Or if you might still have that urge to have a child of your own?”

“It wasn’t so much of an urge. Before you and me happened, I found children annoying and…icky.”

“But you don’t feel like that now?”

Roger shrugged in response. “Some still are. Not Laura obviously. But then she’s not like other kids. She hates having a snotty nose, and doesn’t try to rub her sweaty hands all over my clothes.”

John laughed at the way Roger wrinkled his nose. “Well to be fair, she does share your love of fashion.”

Roger grinned. “Apart from the times when she’s not in her overalls, helping me tinker with the car of course.”

Laura hated dirtying her clothes. She’d inherited Roger’s love of cars, so would wear her old clothes to pot around, fetching things and listening intently as he told her what he was doing. She returned the favour by not dirtying his clothes.

“Yes. And the rest of the time you spend spoiling her with clothes.”

Laura practically had a full wardrobe by the time she was one.

“It’s not like she doesn’t wear them. She’s a popular kid. How many birthday parties has she been invited to in the last six months?”

John snorted in response.

Laura was naturally good with other children, but John knew that her popularity might have had a little to do with who her fathers were. Laura had been at nursery for a while. The parents still did a double take or tried to take a picture discreetly when John took Laura. He disliked the way they stared, so Roger did most of the drop-offs. He lapped up the attention.

“Anyway, I love that she can talk for bloody England. She’s an adorably bad dancer. She laughs at virtually anything, just like her father. She already plays fairly well with other kids, and she frequently takes care of Jimmy, like a good cousin should.”

Jimmy was Brian and Chrissie’s son. He was much shier than Laura, and got anxious around new people. He was a bit sickly, and he cried often. But Laura was patient with him. She always included him in games, or gave him a hug if he hurt himself or wasn’t feeling well. Usually children quickly grew fed-up when other children wouldn’t stop crying.

“She is pretty great with him.”

“She is,” Roger agreed. Then he sighed. “So of course naturally, I wonder how Laura would be if she had a younger brother or sister.”

“I think she’d be an excellent sibling.”

“So do I,” Roger smiled. “But as we’ve already said, biologically it’s impossible for us to have children, so—”

“Not necessarily,” John said quickly. “It would be impossible to have a baby together, yes, but I remember reading in the newspaper a while back about a couple from Glasgow who managed to conceive with the help of clinical treatment.”

“I remember reading that too. But it still wouldn’t be open to people like us. Even if we found someone willing to carry our child, I doubt we’d have legal merit. They’d be free to change their mind about handing us the baby during any point within the pregnancy and there’d likely be nothing we could do about it.”

“I know. And I have considered all of that too.”

Roger raised an eyebrow in response. “Sounds to me like you’re the one who’s given all of this a lot of thought, Deaky.”

“Only very recently. Seeing Laura with other children has at least made me want to look into it some more.” John admitted carefully. Then he smiled wistfully. “And I can’t deny that I’m not tempted to see how a child with your genes might turn out. If they’d have the same lovely blonde hair as you and Laura, or your mischievous eyes or even your goofy smile.”

Roger pouted in response. “I do not have a goofy smile.”

John’s smile widened as he moved close enough to wrap his arm around his neck. “You do when you’re off being silly with Laura, building a fortress from boxes, pillows and blankets or hiding in some obscure place and jumping out at me if I’ve nipped out to the shops or where ever.”

Roger laughed despite himself. “That last one was funny. We always catch you out.”

John rolled his eyes, but couldn’t resist leaning forwards to press a kiss to Roger’s cheek. “I love how sweet you are with Laura. Can you honestly tell me you wouldn’t even be slightly tempted by the idea of having another baby? Another Laura? Or maybe even a _Felix_ or _Benji_?”

“Maybe a little,” Roger admitted softly. It was worth it to see the look on John’s face. “I can see you definitely are though. So why don’t we at least look into it and consider our options?”

“Agreed.” John nodded quickly. “Now, why don’t we finish drinking these so I can take you back upstairs and show you just how much I appreciate you?”

Roger shivered at the look John gave him from underneath his eyelashes.

“How could a guy refuse, Deaks?”

John moved forwards, quickly kissing Roger on the lips this time. The conversation vanished from Roger’s mind as John deepened the kiss. His hand drifted underneath his dressing gown, towards the inside of Roger’s thigh and Roger drew a shaky breath in response as he pulled John against him.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so there's actually two more chapters to go lol as I couldn't edit the other part of the chapter in enough time, and I didn't want to take any longer to post it because I'm impatient lol. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, let me know what you thought! I shall update again tomorrow and then the last one will probably be up by the weekend. Wahhh lol! :(


	40. Dreamers Ball

Roger had never been one to waste time thinking or talking about the weather. Not when there was more important things going on. But he could admit that the sun had come out for his birthday. John had let him wake naturally, the sunlight streaming through the cotton curtains. He could hear the quiet whistle of the radio from somewhere in the house, and muffled laughter.

Roger stretched his arms with a smile before he pulled back the duvet. He grabbed one of John’s old t-shirts and a pair of shorts before he headed downstairs.

John and Laura were by the kitchen worktop. Laura was perched on the stool, fiddling with something. John was at her side, helping her with whatever she had in her hands.

“Now just dot the _I_ , and then it’s finished.”

“Nooooo,” she cooed. “Need a star for the _eh_. Papa loves stars.”

“No, Papa _thinks_ he’s a star. It’s uncle Brian who loves stars.”

“Oh yeah, I’m silly!”

“You’re silly, hmm? Well silly, I can tell you that Papa is going to love this! You’ve done a really good job, sweetheart.”

Laura beamed at her father’s approval. “Thanks Daddy.”

Roger smiled from the doorway. Laura had continued to call Roger _Papa_ after her nightmare a couple of months back. To say that he revelled in it was an understatement. John had lost count of the times he’d told Freddie and Brian about it. And Crystal, Ratty and Miami. And Roger’s Mum. And John’s Mum. And anyone else who would listen for that matter.

“What’s Papa going to love?”

Roger chuckled at the way they jumped. Laura squealed and turned around, squaring up her shoulders and leaning her arms out in an attempt to hide their surprise. John’s eyes widened as he fixed Roger with a panicked look.

“It’s nothing. There’s nothing for you to see here.”

Laura’s blonde curls bobbed in agreement as she pointed at the kitchen door. “Out Papa, out!”

“What she said.”

Roger rolled his eyes as he noticed Laura’s messy hands. “I appreciate the thought. But unless that’s mud on Laura’s hands, I think I can easily guess what the two of you have been doing.”

John and Laura both looked at her hands as she held them up as if to inspect them. Laura gasped as she noticed the chocolate splodges on her hands, her mouth forming an _ooh_.

“ _Ooooh no_!”

Roger grinned at her dramatic delivery. He’d already decided that he thought Laura was going to be an actress. That or a mechanic. Roger had spent many afternoons being shadowed as he replaced the exhaust system on his beloved _Alfa Romeo Spider_ , or checked the tyre pressure, or the oil levels, or anything else that needed doing.

John gave Roger a sheepish smile. “The thought was there.”

“It certainly was, Deaky. Never mind, I’m sure it’ll taste just as—”

“Eh duh duh duh,” John said quickly as Roger tried to discreetly step further into the kitchen.

“What? It’s not a surprise anymore. Surely, I can look now?”

“No! You still don’t know what it looks like or how we’ve decorated it.”

“Yeah!” Laura agreed, folding her arms across her chest and giving him her best stern expression. “Naughty Papa!”

Roger shook his head as he turned to leave. “Fine. I guess I’ll go sit by myself in the living room then.”

“Yes, you do that. We’ll be in in a bit to give you your presents.”

Roger turned back to glower from the doorway. “Can I remind you both that you’ve not even wished me happy birthday? No biggie though! It’s not like it’s a special one or anything.”

“ _Happy birthday_.” John said quickly, as he blew him a kiss. He shrugged at Roger’s unimpressed look. “Well I’d offer to give you a real one, but I refuse to move and ruin the surprise after all our hard work.”

“Hmm,” Roger huffed. “I’ll consider letting you off on the basis that you make it up to me in full.”

“I’ll think about it. You’re only _thirty_ once.”

Roger grinned in response.

Laura jumped from the stool suddenly, and John quickly took her place. She ran at Roger, and he bent to pick her up with the slightest winch. God, she was getting heavy. Either that or he was getting old. He laughed as her tiny legs wrapped themselves around his waist as she gave him a hug, before moving back to grin at him.

“ _Happy birthday Papa_!”

“Thank you beautiful. Do I get a birthday kiss from you too?”

She considered that a moment, before nodding with a sigh. “Fine. But only ‘cause you’re old now, and you have to be nice to old people!”

Roger’s mouth dropped open at Laura’s words. “Oy! _Thirty_ is not old! Less of the cheek, or else next time you want to help papa with his car, I’ll send you back in to watch television with Daddy.”

“But Papa—”

“I think the next words you need to use are _you’re so young and pretty papa_.”

“ _You’re so young and pretty papa_.”

“That’s my girl!” Roger beamed before Laura leaned in to press a kiss to his lips.

John watched the two of them fondly before Laura reluctantly climbed out of Roger’s arms to go back to helping with the cake, and Roger stepped into their back garden to have a cigarette.

As usual, Roger was spoilt rotten. It felt like Christmas as they sat down to open presents. Then Roger chased Laura around the living room as she jokingly rejected the thank you kiss he wanted to give her. When he eventually caught her, Roger sat in John’s lap with a grin, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and giving him a long, urgent kiss.

Laura responded by throwing a cushion at them. “ _Eww_ gross! You kiss more than Mummy and her boyfriend does!”

Roger barely resisted winching as John quickly pulled away to look at Laura.

“Mummy has a new boyfriend?”

Roger quickly went to speak. “Well he’s—”

“He’s called Adam,” Laura said quickly, before pulling a face. “He smells like the books uncle Brian reads to me.”

Roger snorted in response. Veronica had already said that Adam used a little too much of his aftershave. He might have laughed if it wasn’t for the look on John’s face.

“How does Laura know what this bloke smells like? I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend.”

“That’s because Veronica was going to tell you later—”

“Right. Hang on. Let me get this straight. You both knew about this before I did?” John asked, looking at Roger accusingly.

Roger sighed in response. He’d caught Veronica trying to sneak him out moments before Roger had been about to knock on the door to drop Laura off. Veronica had gone about slowly and carefully introducing Adam to Laura, and had reluctantly agreed with Roger that John should know too.

“Yes. But there’s a reason for that. And Laura’s only met him a couple of times. Veronica’s just recently started letting him be there at the same time.”

John eyebrows furrowed in response. “Did she not think to ask if I was okay with him being around Laura before she went about doing that?”

Roger turned his head to make sure that Laura wasn’t paying attention. She’d moved to the corner of the room, fiddling about with her magna-doodle that they’d brought her for Christmas. He kept his arms around his neck, fiddling with the end of John’s hair as he talked. John had suddenly got bored of his hair and got it cut off a few weeks ago. His short hair suited him. It framed his face, rather than hiding his pretty features. But it had still been a shock for Roger to begin with.

“Look, it’s not a big deal. I only found out about Adam because he was about to leave when I dropped Laura off the other week. I’ve talked with him too. He seems nice. He’s an accountant apparently. Works in Central London. And he’s really good with Laura.”

“That’s not the point.”

“So maybe she should have discussed this with you first. But he’s only been around Laura for a couple of hours each time. Veronica wanted her to get to know him better before they start having dinner together or he stays with them for the night.”

“Isn’t it a bit soon for all of that?”

Roger gave John a look in response. “We don’t know how long she’s been seeing him for. Maybe she waited to tell you because she knew you’d react like this.”

“But I just—” John stopped, knowing he was only proving Roger right. “Don’t you think I have a right to be worried about who does or doesn’t start becoming a part of Laura’s life? She is my daughter.”

Roger huffed at that. “She’s mine too. I like to think. I know she’s not my actual blood, but I’ve helped bring her up—”

“I know, I know. Sorry, that came out wrong.” John quickly apologized, his hand tightening against Roger’s leg.

“Anyway, it should be enough to know that I’ve met him and drawn my own conclusions. He seems to genuinely care about both her and Veronica.”

“Of course it’s enough,” John said quickly. “Ignore me. It was just a surprise, that’s all.”

“Well don’t let it spoil the day,” Roger smiled, pressing his own hand to rest on top of John’s. “She’ll be round later for you to hear it from the horse’s mouth.”

“I know, I know.”

“Anyway, forget all that. I’ve got more important news to share.”

Roger turned again, making sure Laura was still keeping herself entertained. He reached for John’s hands, entwining their fingers, and John raised his eyebrows expectantly. “I wanted to tell you later, but I think I’ll burst if I have to wait any longer. I thought it could be an early birthday surprise for you.”

“That probably depends on what it is first,” John teased, though he felt a pang of anxiety as Roger looked round at Laura again.

“So cynical, Deaky. If you must know, a letter came from that clinic.”

John sat up instantly, attempting to smooth his expression into an even one. “Oh. Right. Okay. And?”

“And they found someone. Willing to meet us, possibly carry our baby. You know, nothing major.”

“What?” John whispered in surprise. His mouth suddenly felt dry and he swallowed thickly as he tried to get his head around that.

Freddie had been the one to recommend the clinic. A friend of a friend used it. They were private, and better still, discreet. You were put through a series of meetings until the clinic were satisfied you were ready, and then they made an introduction with the donor, before the clinical arrangements could be made to start the pregnancy. They’d joined less than a month ago. It seemed so sudden.

“Really? You’re sure?”

“No John, I’m lying.” Roger teased with a smile. “Of course I’m sure. I read the letter myself. And before you ask, yes, I was wearing my glasses. So you can’t accuse me of not knowing what I was reading.”

“That makes a change,” John laughed, letting his thumb rub small circles against Roger’s lower back. “When did it even come? Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

“I was waiting for the right moment. I realised we’d probably be too drunk later to take it in properly—”

“You will be, you mean,” John said with a grin. “Did the letter mention anything about the woman? Any details? A name, age, where she lives—”

“Steady on detective Colombo,” Roger said with a laugh. “All they included was a name. A first name. Dominiqué.”

“Dominiqué?” John repeated with a smile. “It sounds French.”

“No shit sherlock,” Roger grinned. “Anyway, that’s all I know. The rest of the letter just said that we need to arrange our next appointment. Presumably the next step is to meet her, see if we get along, and see if she’s willing to carry our baby.”

John smiled widely in response. He’d told himself not to get too excited. But that was difficult to remember now that they’d had good news. It was really happening.

“I guess it’s official. We’re going to have a baby.”

“Look, let’s…not get too carried away just yet, Deaks. As much as I want to. I’d rather meet her first, and go from there.” Roger said, not wanting to get his hopes up. He leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to John’s lips. John’s hand tightened in Roger’s as Roger pulled away slowly. “But yeah, I’m excited too.”

John had reserved Roger’s local pub for the night. It wasn’t far. As far as Roger knew, everyone was coming to see him at the house.

It had been a headache to organize. There’d been a long list of people to invite. Luckily, Brian, Freddie, Crystal and Veronica had all helped. John had kept Roger distracted whilst everyone set the hall up. John had managed to drop off everything the day before, whilst Roger went to pick up Laura from nursery. He was just pleased he’d managed to keep it a surprise. He was never very good at hiding anything from Roger.

John had talked Roger into going to the pub under the guise of John wanting to buy Roger a birthday drink. Roger had walked in first. He grinned as everyone jumped up and shouted _surprise_. He turned to shake his head at John, knowing instantly it had been him who’d arranged it all.

“Deaks, you sneaky…well, I’d better not say the word. I take it this was your idea?”

“Of course. Why do you think I’ve been keeping you distracted all day?”

Roger moved forwards to give him a kiss. He moved to whisper in his ear as they all _oohed_ and wolf-whistled in response. “Thank you for doing all of this for me.”

John didn’t get time to mention that he’d had help as Roger’s Mum had already moved to give Roger a hug. Laura chose that moment to pull John over to Veronica’s table. He sat with them for a while, before he went to get a drink. Roger managed to pull himself away from his parents to join him.

Roger shook his head fondly at John. “I knew you were up to something.”

John grinned in response. “Ah, but I bet you didn’t know what. Admit it, I managed to surprise even you this time.”

Roger was tempted to deny it just to spite him, but the look of delight on John’s face had Roger softening automatically. “Yes alright, well done Deaky. I feel loved.”

John positively grinned as Roger moved forwards to press another long kiss to his lips. His hands automatically wound around Roger’s waist, pulling him in close, before somebody cleared their throat loudly.

“Yes alright lovebirds, break it up before I end up fucking vomiting over the birthday boy’s shoes.”

Roger groaned as Crystal pulled them apart to stand in the middle. John rolled his eyes as he managed to flag down the bartender.

“Seriously Crystal, you wanker—”

“I’d stop there if I was you pretty boy.” Crystal said carefully. “Given that I’m offering to buy the birthday boy a round.”

“Fucking hell, you’re putting your hand in your pocket at long last!”

John laughed loudly at the look of shock on Roger’s face.

Crystal snorted. “It’s a one-time offer for your thirtieth. So you’d better make the most of it.”

“Ahh Crystal, you do care after all!” Roger grinned, throwing his arms around his neck dramatically and giving him a kiss on the cheek. John laughed again as Crystal pulled a face and quickly untangled himself from Roger.

“Keep doing shit like that Taylor, and my offer will be revoked. Now what do you bloody want?”

“Alright, I’ll have a double whiskey—”

Crystal gave him a look. “Don’t take the piss.”

Roger huffed in response. “Fine. I’ll have a bloody beer if that’s not too much trouble?”

“Better.”

Once they got their drinks, they went around the room to thank everyone for coming.

Roger felt a surge of happiness to see that his Mum had sat herself with John’s Mum and Veronica. Laura was at their table too, doing a twirl in a pink polka dot dress as they cooed over her. His Mum waved him back over when she noticed he was looking, leaving John to go and talk to Freddie and Brian alone.

“There’s my special birthday boy!”

Roger winched at his mother’s tone as she stood to give him another hug and kiss him on the cheek. Veronica laughed from behind her.

“How you doing, special birthday boy?”

“You’re just lucky that Laura’s within earshot. My response would be much ruder.”

Veronica pretended to blow him a kiss as he pulled away from Winifred. “I know that’s your way of saying you love having me here, Rog.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Ronnie.”

Winifred smiled at their interaction, brushing something off of his shoulder. She had a proud look in her eyes as she looked at him.

“Mum, you do realise I’m _thirty,_ right?”

“Of course sweetheart, but you’ll always be my little boy.”

“Ugh, right. Well on that note,” he said with a groan, quickly moving past her to give John’s Mum, Lillian, a hug and thank her for coming. She smiled as he moved away.

“Thank you for inviting me, Rog.”

“I’m glad you could both come. And that you’re staying at ours. Mum’s staying with us too.”

“Oh that’ll be lovely.”

“It will. We’ve been looking forward to having you both.” He smiled. He turned to see that Laura was in Veronica’s lap now, talking animatedly as she pointed to the dancefloor. Veronica bent her head to listen carefully. Roger turned back, his smile widening. “Laura will love having you two round.”

“Oh, and we’ll love it too. I always enjoy spending time with you all.”

Roger smiled, before he headed over to join John’s side.

“Here he is. The rogue himself.” Freddie said with a grin.

Roger pretended to dramatically gasp. “And there was me thinking I was your favourite, Fred.”

“Nah, not anymore blondie. Got a better offer.”

Freddie proved his words by moving to press a hand to Brian’s leg discreetly. Brian hid his smile behind his pint of Guinness. Roger made gagging noises in response.

“It’s no worst than what me or Fred had to put up with. It’s probably just jealousy. Because Deaky’s not like that with you anymore. Given how long he’s had to put up with you that is.”

Roger narrowed his eyes at Brian’s teasing, unable to resist leaning over to say what he wanted to. “Actually May, I have stories that could make even your—”

“Stop right there. It may be your birthday, but you’re still not getting special permission to brag about our sex life.”

“Yes _please_ listen to Deaky, darling. Otherwise it will be me gagging.”

“Fine. Just know that we could easily outdo you if our sex-lives were a competition. Just saying.”

“I beg to differ,” Freddie said as he turned to share a smile with Brian. “Anyway, I hope the two of you are looking forward to getting back into the studio?”

“I definitely am. I’ve got a couple of songs I’ve written under my belt.”

“Hmm, nothing like _IILWMC_ , I hope,” Brian said with a snort.

“Yes, we don’t want another repeat of the strop you pulled with that one dear.” Freddie teased.

“Although, I’d be open to Roger locking himself in the cupboard again.” Brian added, smiling when John laughed at his friends words. “You know, just for a few hours peace and quiet.”

Freddie gave Brian a look. “Now, now. Come on love, we shouldn’t be too mean. It is his birthday. Although, a few hours free of Roger does sound like heaven—”

Roger shook his head at his friends, and prepared to stand and walk away. “I fucking hate you all.”

“What did I say?” John said bewildered.

“You laughed!”

“Oh come on Rog, we were only joking!” Brian protested quickly, but Roger ignored him as he headed to the bar.

John prepared to stand with a sigh. “I’d better go and see if he’s alright. Nobody wants a stroppy Roger, especially not on his birthday.”

“That’s true. But you might want to give him a minute to cool down first.”

“Actually, that’s a good idea.”

“Well I’ve got some news to share anyway. I wanted you and Roger to know first. After Freddie, obviously.” Brian added quickly.

“Oh?”

“It’s nothing big. But the divorce was finalised last week. So…I guess that’s that.”

“You’re officially single again.”

“A technicality, I think you’ll find, Deaky.” Freddie said without missing a beat. Brian smiled in response.

“I suppose I’ll technically be a divorcee.” Brian said with a winch. Freddie gave a smile of sympathy in response. “But having said that, I like to think that since we’re practically living together, me and Fred are pretty much official.”

John smiled in response. You only needed to look at Brian and Freddie to realise they were in love. John might have been surprised in the beginning, but looking back, it made sense. They’d always been close. Freddie had supported Brian through his somewhat messy divorce. He’d stitched Brian’s heart back together, and the two of them had come out on the other side. Together.

“I’m happy for you. We both are.”

“Thank you Deaky darling.”

“Thanks Deaky. It means a lot to hear you say that.”

John smiled, before quietly excusing himself to go and mingle again.

“Tell Roger we were only pulling his leg and that we love him really.”

John nodded. “Will do, Fred.”

John didn’t get as far as the bar. He was stopped by his Mum, who was all-smiles as she pulled him into a hug.

“Hello you,” he smiled into her shoulder.

“Hello yourself, dear,” She said as she pulled away to look at him properly. “Haven’t you done such a wonderful job organising Roger’s party? You can tell he’s pleased.”

“Yeah, I think so. I don’t think he expected it.”

“He did look surprised when he walked in.”

John nodded, his eyes trailing behind her to see that Veronica had joined Roger at the bar.

“Come on then, birthday boy. What are you drinking?”

“I’ll have a double whiskey, thanks.”

She narrowed her eyes as she reluctantly went to order their drinks. “Go on then. I suppose you’re only thirty once.”

“Thanks. Love you, Ronnie.” Roger teased as he winked at her.

“Hmm, love you too, Taylor. I suppose.”

Roger’s smile slipped. “By the way, I should probably give you the heads-up.”

“On?”

“John knows about Adam.”

Veronica snapped her head back to look at him as she paid for their drinks. “Did you tell him? Thanks a bunch, Roger. You knew I was going to try and break it to him gently after tonight.”

“I didn’t have much choice. Laura happened to see us kissing, then she blurted out that me and him kissed more than _Mummy and her new boyfriend_. To which, John was all like _what? Veronica has a new boyfriend_? So then I felt like I had to tell him.” Roger admitted with a sigh. “It was either that, or lie. Which would have upset him further when he eventually found out.”

Veronica pursed her lips as she considered all of that. Then she winched at Roger’s words. “Was he very upset then?”

“I wouldn’t say that. More surprised. Especially as Laura might have mentioned Adam’s name and the fact that…” he hesitated half a second, before continuing when she raised an eyebrow. “H _e smells like the books Uncle Brian reads to me_.”

“ _Oh god_.”

“Yeah.”

“And there was me thinking my girl has my back.”

“Don’t worry. It’s all good. I told John that I’ve met him and that he seemed great with Laura, and more importantly cared about you both. John seemed to take the news a little…better after that.”

Veronica nodded, her eyebrows furrowed.

“He’ll probably come and talk to you at some point anyway. Clear the air.”

She tried not to grimace. She didn’t thought _John_ and _clear the air_ went together all that well. Not when it was about this.

“Try not to worry,” Roger insisted with a smile. “His main concern was that he’d met Laura before you’d talked to him about it first.”

Veronica’s face fell at his words. “I understand. I think I got a little carried away. He’d known about Laura from the beginning. She’s important to me and I wanted to make that clear to him. When things got more serious, he really wanted to meet her, and I couldn’t see the harm. I wanted to make sure the two of them would even get along.”

“I know. And John wants you to be happy. We both do.” Roger said, sensing her nerves. He pressed a hand to her arm as he gave her a reassuring smile. “Don’t look so worried. Just tell John everything you’ve told me and you’ll be fine. But if he goes quiet, think about stepping away carefully.”

He’d said it as a joke, but she only managed a small, nervous smile in response.

John waited until Veronica snuck out for a cigarette. She didn’t smoke as often as the boys did, but she found she needed one tonight. John joined her on the bench and lit-up his own cigarette.

“Birthday boy seemed pleased with his party.”

“He did, didn’t he?” John smiled. “Though that’s hardly surprising.”

Roger was the opposite to John in many ways. One of which was how he thrived under any spotlight.

“He does like a party.”

“Indeed, he does.” John agreed as he inhaled his cigarette. He let the silence wash over them for a moment, before choosing his words carefully. “So, Roger was telling me about Adam.”

She responded by taking a large sip of her glass of wine before answering. “Yes. He mentioned the two of you talked about it earlier.”

“It was a bit of a surprise, I’ll be honest.”

She sighed, moving to set down her glass and turning to look at him properly. “I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you beforehand, but I wanted to see for myself how he was around Laura. I’ve always made it clear how important she is to me, and I wanted to see if she’d even like him. If she didn’t, I’d have stopped seeing him. No matter who I’m with, Laura will always come first.”

She was relieved when he smiled at that. “I know. And I’m actually…fine about it all.”

“Really?”

He snorted at her expression. “Don’t sound too surprised.”

“Sorry. It’s just that I know what you’re like. You worry more than me sometimes.”

“Fair point,” he shrugged as he inhaled his cigarette again. “But Roger’s met him. He seems to like him, and Adam seems to make you happy, so…that’s all I care about.”

“Really? Do you mean that?”

He found himself smiling back at the happiness on her face. “Of course. I’m curious though. Do I finally get to meet him now that both Laura and Roger have?”

“Roger only met him the first time by chance.”

“I know. He did mention that too.” He grinned. “He also mentioned that Adam is an accountant.”

She rolled her eyes in response. “Yes, come on. Bring on the jokes. I’m sure I’ve probably heard them all from Roger.”

“I didn’t say anything,” John said quickly, holding his hands up in surrender. “Nothing wrong with being an accountant. I’m usually the only one in the band who even bothers with any of that stuff. It’s still an important job to have.”

She nodded, seemingly pleased with his reaction.

“And I’m sure his occupation won’t be a reflection on his personality at all—I’m only joking.” He said quickly as she glowered at him.

“I fear Roger’s a bad influence on you, John.”

“Hmm, that’s what they all say. But I still became his partner anyway. What do you reckon that says about me?”

She laughed in response, bumping her shoulder with his affectionately. “That you need your head examining?”

He joined in with her laughter. “Yeah, maybe.”

He finished his cigarette and put it out with his foot. He licked his lips, deciding to be honest himself.

“Whilst we’re here…I’ve got some news of my own actually.”

“Oh?”

“We didn’t want to tell anyone, not yet. But I’d like you to know before anything becomes official.”

She put her own cigarette out and turned to look at John properly, curiosity on her face.

“Remember I told you that me and Roger were looking into clinics so that we could have another baby?”

“Yeah. Didn’t you say Freddie recommended one?”

“He did. We had a letter through to confirm that a woman wants to meet with us, and possibly carry our baby.”

“ _Oh_ _my god_ ,” Veronica whispered, her eyes widening in response. “John that’s…wow. That’s incredible! Ahh, I’m so pleased for you both.”

She quickly moved forwards to hug him. He breathed a sigh of relief against her shoulder.

“You don’t mind? I know we’ll have to try and get Laura’s head around it should this go ahead, but—”

“What, no, of course I don’t!” She insisted, quickly pulling back to look at him with a smile. “You’ve said it yourself that Laura’s amazing with Jimmy. And she always seems to take things in her stride, so I’m sure this will be no different. She’s took to calling Roger papa now, so it’s almost like everything is falling into place, you know? She’ll be fine. We’ll just talk to her, carefully explain the situation when we need to. She’ll understand, John, I know she will.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think you’re right.”

They headed back inside to see Roger was now in the middle of the dancefloor, a microphone in his hand. John laughed, realising he was clearly tipsy, given that Roger wasn’t usually that fond of making speeches in front of people. He turned and noticed John and Veronica and grinned.

“Speak of the pair! Here’s my devilishly handsome boyfriend now! Come ‘ere Deaky.”

“Oh no, I’m fine—”

“Go on! Otherwise we might end up stuck with Roger speaking all night.” Veronica joked as she pushed him forwards.

“Well that is a good point but—”

“Come on Deaks! None of tonight would have happened if it wasn’t for you.”

“Oy! Not forgetting we helped, Taylor.”

“Yeah, and me arsehole! You can start setting up your own drums from now on!”

“Love you Fred, Crystal.” Roger blew them both a kiss, before he waved John over. “Oh come on, Deaky!”

With a reluctant sigh and a determined push from Veronica, John headed over to Roger’s side. He tried to ignore the sound of cheering and whistling, even as he could feel his face growing warmer underneath the disco lights.

“This man has been a godsend, time and time again.” Roger said as he threw his arm around John’s shoulders. “He, is you know? I honestly don’t know what I’d do without him.”

“You’re only saying that because you’re drunk.” John said softly.

“No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you are, you soppy git!” Crystal shouted from the audience, getting a few laughs from everyone.

“Shut up, Crystal!” Roger shouted back, before turning back to grin at John. “I’m serious. He’s been there for us since the beginning. We’ve known each other for eight years, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I feel lucky enough to say that John is not only my partner, but my best friend.”

A few people cooed in response as Roger pressed a kiss to John’s cheek, which was burning with embarrassment.

“I also wanted to say thank you for everyone coming whilst we’re here. I still can’t believe he’s managed to put this together, all whilst keeping it a secret from me, which I know is no easy thing. Everyone knows I’m not usually very soppy, but I feel like I should be tonight, given everything he’s done for me. And everything he’s given me. A family of my own.”

John smiled, touched by Roger’s words.

“Anyway, on that note, let’s all have a good time and get shit faced!”

Everyone clapped and cheered and Roger made the most of their distractedness by giving John another kiss. John kissed him back urgently and Roger flushed a little as he pulled away.

“What was that for?”

“For what you said. It was all very nice. And unusually mellow for you. I love you too. Lots.”

“Good,” Roger grinned, before moving to whisper in his ear. “You can thank me properly later.”

“Alright then,” John agreed far too easily, his hand tightening against Roger’s waist.

John took a moment as Roger blew his candles out. And again, as John went to get another drink.

He watched Freddie drag Brian up from their table and pull him in the direction of the dancefloor. Brian didn’t really enjoy dancing, but he put up with it for Freddie. Just like Roger did for John. Brian had had a few difficult years. But it had finally seemed to iron itself out. Chrissie eventually put aside her own feelings, and agreed to give him equal custody of Jimmy. Now Freddie was practically an equal father figure. John was glad to see Brian so happy with Freddie.

John’s mother was sat besides Roger’s mother, Laura perched in between them as she swayed to the music. Roger’s father still hadn’t come around to John and Roger being together. Roger’s mother didn’t speak of him in front of Roger. John just wished he could at least try to ignore his own prejudices for the sake of his son.

Veronica had joined Freddie and Brian for a dance, the three of them sharing a laugh about something. John thought she looked happier than she had in a while.

And then there was Roger. His head leaning against John’s shoulder, a stupid grin on his face as he watched their friends dancing. Then he did something that surprised even John. He leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to John’s cheek as he did.

“Come on, Deaks. Make this birthday boy very happy by giving me a spin on the dancefloor.”

“Go on then, birthday boy!” John agreed too easily, his hand gripping Roger’s as he lead them away.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god one last chapter left!! I feel like crying lol. I probably will cry after I upload the last one. :( It's a little shorter, but I like to think it ends on a high. Which is all I could ask for for my boys! <3 I shall be then uploading my new fanfiction for anybody interested on giving it a read, but I'll be reminding you about that after I complete this one. Thanks again! :)


	41. These Are The Days Of Our Lives

**1981**

 

A lot had happened in the last two years. And now here they finally were.

Roger’s hand gripped John’s as he was lead through the hallway of the hospital.

“Right. Just through these doors, I think.”

Roger nodded, swallowing thickly as John turned to look at him. John looked just as nervous.

“You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be. You?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

John moved forwards with a sigh. He pressed a quick kiss to Roger’s forehead. Roger responded by stepping into him, letting his arms wound themselves around John’s waist. John breathed in Roger’s heady scent as he nuzzled against his shoulder. It comforted him for a moment, before he noticed a couple of nurses looking as they walked past.

He reluctantly withdrew from Roger, his face growing pink.

It was common knowledge that Roger and John were a couple. John was still careful not to draw attention to that fact. He remained uncomfortable at the amount of attention that Queen attracted, and was keen to keep their personal lives as seperate as possible.

“We can do this. Together.”

That seemed to reassure Roger a little, as he gave a small nod. “Together.”

“Come on. Dominique needs us.” John forced himself to say, despite the butterflies he felt. He gave Roger a smile.

Dominique was well into her labour by the time they found the room she was in. She looked a little relieved to see Roger and John walk through the door.

They stood by her side, her hands gripping theirs as they encouraged her through the contractions. John, who had already been through this with Veronica, reassured her that it was nearly over. Roger nodded in agreement and told her that she was doing amazing.

She gave one last push, her fingernails digging into Roger’s hand so hard it hurt. And then, it was over. And the baby was born.

Dominique collapsed against the bed. Her face was rosy red, and her dark hair stuck to her skin. She licked her lips as the three of them watched as the nurses took the baby aside to check it over. When she spoke, her voice was raspy with exhaustion.

“Is the baby okay?”

As if on cue, the baby begun to wail. The nurse gave the baby a wipe over before wrapping it in a blanket. Then she gave them a small smile.

“Everything’s just fine, Miss Beyrand. Baby’s heartbeat is nice and steady. And he seems to have a good pair of lungs on him. So I think congratulations are in order.”

“Hang on—he?” John asked with wide eyes.

“That’s right, Mr Deacon.”

Dominique made a giddy sound as the nurse passed the baby over to her to hold first. She took him into her arms carefully, remembering to support the head.

“A baby boy? A-are you sure?”

The nurse snorted as she looked Roger over. “Pretty sure, Mr Taylor. We’ll leave the three of you alone for a bit. Press the buzzer if you need anything, Miss Beyrand.”

She nodded, her attention quickly going back to the bundle in her arms. He was quiet again now, his eyes were shut lightly as John and Roger both leaned over to get a good look at him.

“I can’t believe it. A baby boy.”

Dominique gave them both a smile. “Your baby boy. Who wants to hold him first?”

“I think I’d like to.”

John felt himself smile at the look of hesitancy on Roger’s face as he said that. He stepped over to his side, and put a comforting hand on his back.

“You’ll be fine. Just remember to support the head. Like Dominique is now.”

Roger nodded, his eyes wide as Dominique carefully passed him over. Roger held him like he was precious cargo, the finest jewel in the galaxy. Which John supposed he was, to them anyway. They’d waited two years for this particular miracle.

The baby stirred slightly as John gently brushed his cheek, taking the time to notice his little features. He already had Roger’s almond-shaped eyes, and his strong nose. His hair was dark at the moment, the same shade as Dominique’s. And his eyes were dark too.

“He’s beautiful,” John said softly, his voice wavering. He cleared his throat, blinking away the wetness in his eyes. “Just beautiful. Isn’t he, Rog?”

He gave a little nod, transfixed by the baby’s gaze.

Dominique beamed at them both. “He really is. I’m so happy for you both.”

They sat there for a while longer, before heading to the canteen to give Dominique some time with the baby.

Roger was quiet as he sat down, his hand around his cup of coffee.

“I still can’t believe it. That we’re really fathers again.” John said with a smile, lifting his cup to take a sip. Roger’s gaze remained trained on the window next to where they sat, watching an ambulance go by. “You alright? You look miles away.”

Roger nodded, blinking himself out of it as he turned back to look at John. “I’m just…worried that’s all. About Dom.”

“Why? She seems fine.”

“I know she does. And I know the three of us knew what we were getting into when she agreed to hand the baby over. But…that was before she gave birth. Before she got to hold him.”

“Rog,” John sighed softly, reaching over to press his hand on top of his. “She’s not going to change her mind. Not when she can see what he means to us already. I trust her. Completely.”

“I trust her too. It’s just it would only be too easy for her to have that bond with him now that he’s here. And I know we’ve already made clear to her that she can see the baby whenever she wants, but what if that’s suddenly not enough? What if she thinks we’re not capable of looking after him now that’s he’s really here?”

“You’re building it up in your head. I’m sure she’d never think like that. She’s seen how we are with Laura enough times to know that we’ll do everything in our power to care and look after him.”

Roger hummed in response, doubt still eating away at him. John squeezed his hand in encouragement.

“Come on, don’t let it play on your mind. What about names. Are you still keen on Felix?”

“Yeah, I think so. It’s what we agreed, wasn’t it?” Roger said, forcing his thoughts onto the new subject as he entwined his hand with John’s. “But I want it to be double-barrelled. _Felix-Taylor-Deacon_. I want him to have the same last name as Laura. As his sister.”

John’s expression softened at that. “Sounds perfect. Laura will love that too.”

Roger snorted. “She will. She’ll probably be badgering Ronnie to bring her round to see him as soon as we tell them about the baby being born.”

“There’s no probably about it, she definitely will.”

Laura had spent the last month making Veronica ring her two fathers up to make sure that Dominique hadn’t had the baby yet. In the end, it had all happened so fast, and they’d not gotten around to ringing Veronica to let them know yet.

“In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’ll be there waiting for us on the doorstep.” Roger grinned, letting himself be swept away by the idea of Laura being so excited to meet her little brother.

“Knowing Laura, she just might be. I’ll go and ring them in a bit.”

By the time they headed back to see Dominique, she was sat up, the baby in her arms. She smiled at them fondly as they headed over to her side.

“Here’s your Daddies now. Come for a snuggle with their new baby boy.” She beamed shyly as she passed the baby over to John. “I’ve been talking to him. Just saying silly things really, about how he’ll live with you and you’ll be his parents, and that I won’t be around as much.”

Roger frowned in response.

“We still meant what we said. About you coming over to see him whenever you want. What you’ve done for us Dom, is…” John said gently, trailing off as he tried to find the right words. “Well, we’ll never be able to thank you enough. Will we?”

Roger nodded quickly. “No. Definitely not. This means everything to us.”

“I know. I know it does, Rog. I’m just happy I got to be able to do this for you both.” She said with another smile. “I’d like that too. To come and see the three of you now and again. Make sure you’re getting on okay, and see how the baby is. If you wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course not. The invitation’s always open, Dom.” Roger said, relief flooding his features as he realised that this was happening. That she still wanted them to have the baby.

“So are you still sticking with Felix as a name? He looks like a Felix, I think.”

“Yeah, we’re going double-barrelled. _Felix-Taylor-Deacon_. We wanted him to have the same last name as Laura.”

“Oh that’s so lovely, John,” Dominique grinned as she affectionately brushed aside a strand of the baby’s hair. “Suits him actually.”

“Hmm, I think so,” Roger grinned. “John’s going to pop and give Veronica a call in a bit. So that Laura knows she’s officially a big sister.”

“She’ll be so excited! Awh, I’m so happy for the two of you. You’re going to make amazing parents to Felix, I just know it. You both already are to Laura. And now you’ve got two little ones to be contending with.”

“I know. I’m almost looking forward to the time when Laura and Felix inevitably start ganging up on us. We’re even-numbered now!” Roger said with a grin, and the three of them chuckled warmly in response.

John nipped away a little while later to use the phone in the hospital reception. Laura was almost crying down the phone when he told her that she had a little brother, she was so excited.

Dominique was ready to go home the morning after. She went home to rest, and John and Roger took Felix back with them. Inevitably, Laura was already waiting at the door, bouncing on the spot. Veronica rolled her eyes when she spotted them, before giving them both hugs and congratulating them.

John busied himself with making them all a cup of tea whilst the others headed into the living room. Felix was nestled in Veronica’s lap, Roger sat beside her, and Laura at their feet, her head against Veronica’s legs, her finger locked tightly in Felix’s little grasp. They all cooed as Felix gave a big yawn before settling back into sleep again.

“Do babies ever get more exciting than this?”

Roger laughed at Laura’s question, before moving to ruffle her hair affectionately. “I’m going to have to be honest sweetheart and say that no, they don’t. They pretty much just sleep, eat and poo. At least for the first couple of years.”

Laura’s face fell a little as John went to sit on the other side of Veronica. “I can verify that that’s exactly all you ever did when you was a baby. In fact, you spent most of the time asleep more than anything else.”

“I’ll say.” Veronica snickered. “Sometimes I’d wake you up just to amuse myself.”

Laura nodded, propping herself in between John and Veronica, her other hand resting against his leg as she gazed at the baby. “At least he’s cute, I suppose.”

Roger chuckled warmly in response. “Just give it a couple of years, and we’ll have Felix to play football with. He can’t be any worse than Daddy, surely?”

Laura gave a loud cheer at that before the other three were quickly shushing her so as to not wake the baby up.

John watched them with a grin on his face. He didn’t think he’d ever felt happier. Queen would always be his and Roger’s family. But now they had Felix and Laura too. Two small humans that needed them as much as Roger and John needed them. And John realised, as he watched them all making a fuss of Felix, that they were so lucky to finally have what they did. A proper family.

o-o-o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't believe that was the last chapter!!! WAHHH! It's been an absolute blast and I've loved every minute of writing this story. Thank you for those that managed to stick with me until the end, I appreciate all your lovely feedback and I honestly don't know how I'm going to survive without it. Having said that, I have a new fanfiction uploaded for anyone interested. It's called 'Don't You Hear Me Call My Name' and it starts with Tim quitting Queen and Freddie joining the band, and it goes from there, to them meeting Deacy and more. Please give it a read! I know I've not described that particularly well lol, but I've worked hard to improve my writing and it would mean the world to hear what you think. It's also another Dealor fanfiction which I'm quite proud of. Thanks again, and I hope you all have a lovely Christmas!! <3


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